 J-E-L-L-O. The Jell-O program coming to you from the Ritz Theater in New York City starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The Archer Trove is a program with Chucky. You know, friends, a lovely shimmering mold of Jell-O on the table has a wonderful way of lending luster to a meal. Just as Christmas trees and candles, Tinsel and Holly lend their own special gaiety to this merriest of merry seasons. Even the simplest family dinner takes on extra charm and attractiveness when the high point of the meal is a grand Jell-O dessert. How inviting its shining colors look and how intriguing its rich, tempting flavor tastes. No other dessert can add more to the spirit and pleasure of any occasion because no other dessert can outrival Jell-O's glistening beauty and refreshing goodness. So ladies and gentlemen, decide now to add a new note of festive delight to your meals during the holiday season. Tomorrow ask your grocer for Jell-O and any of Jell-O's six delicious flavors, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. By the way, strawberry and raspberry Jell-O both have a new improved flavor obtained by using an actual flavor base artificially enhanced. And the result is the rich distinctive goodness rivaled only by the juicy ripe fruit itself. A unique flavor that cannot be duplicated in any other way. Try a grand treat made with genuine Jell-O and you'll realize right away why Jell-O is America's favorite Jell-O-Ton dessert. Made by the orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, there being just two more shopping days till Christmas, we bring you that fugitive from Gimbal's basement, Jack Benny. Thank you. Jelal again. This is Jack Benny talking. And Don, speaking of Gimbal's basement, I never saw so many women shopping in my life. I got shoved around like a blintza in Lindy's. Boy, what a mob. Pretty hectic, huh? Hectic. I didn't understand my derby getting caved in, my muffler torn, and a sleeve of my coat ripped off. But how I lost my pivot tooth I'll never know. That was really an experience. Oh, I can just imagine what you must have gone through. You know, a funny thing about women, Don, all year long, they're so helpless. You have to open the door for them. They can't light their own cigarettes. They cling to your arm as you walk down the street. They're as delicate as butterflies. And then, about two weeks before Christmas, a mad glint comes into their eye. And with an umbrella for gouging and a handbag for slugging, off they go. Come on, girls, let's mangle the males. That's their battle cry. Well, Jack women are a little excitable when they're shopping around Christmas time, but I don't think they're as tough as you say. Oh, you don't, eh? Don, I was in Macy's yesterday afternoon, and a little gray-haired lady couldn't have been over five feet tall, put down her cane, and yanked a washing machine right out of my arm. I tried to get it back, and she kicked my hat off. Imagine. All right, good, Jack. You don't mean to say that a little old lady took a big washing machine away from you. Don, I wouldn't have minded that so much, but it was a demonstrator. I'll probably never get my laundry back. That is my own fault, I guess, for waiting so long to shop. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Don. Don? Oh, well, look who's so affectionate around Christmas, you're certainly giving out with that soft soap. Oh, no, I'm not, Jack. You're not, eh? Then why did you call me Don? Because your hair is glued on. All right, young lady, that did it. There goes that mink coat I was going to buy you for a present. You were going to buy me a mink coat? Yes, I was. Or was. I was going to buy you a mink coat. I bet it were, or was, from Rabbit. Oh, no, it wasn't. You've lost a very beautiful gift, and you know the kind I hand out. Go on, you wouldn't buy Hedy Lamar a Coca-Cola. For Christmas? What are you talking about? Let me tell you something, Mary, a girl like Hedy Lamar could make a playboy out of me. I'd buy her quarts of bubbling champagne. You'd buy cider and put an Alka Seltzer in it. All right, keep it up, keep it up. There goes Don's Christmas present, too. Hey, wait a minute, Jack, I didn't say anything. Oh, pardon me, I got a little mixed up there. Watch out, Don. He's laying for you. No, I wouldn't forget about Don's present, not after the way he laughed at the premiere last Tuesday night. How'd you like the picture, Don? Oh, I really enjoyed it, Jack. I got a big kick out of it. I laughed like anything. Sorry, Mary, the mink coat is over the dam. Anyway, Don, now that you've seen Love Thy Neighbor, what do you think of Fred Allen in it? Well, to tell you the truth, Jack... I mean, don't you feel... don't you feel that I get much bigger laughs than he does? Well, to tell you the truth, Jack, I think you're very good in the picture, and so is Allen. The honors are equally distributed. Oh. Oh, I see. Oh. Oh. Uh-oh. Mary. Then, Don, in your fat-headed opinion, you think Allen goes over as good as I do. Exactly. You both have a lot to do in the picture. You both photograph well, and you both get big laughs. Well, we both don't pay your salary, so start leaning my way. Imagine saying we photograph equally well. That's ridiculous. Jack looks much better than Allen. Why, certainly. And Allen, you can have. Mary, one more crack out of you, and you'll be saying, oh, my goodness, I left my baby in the automatic for Olson and Johnson. Remember that. Oh, hello, Phil. Hiya, Jackson. Well, old pal, you got nothing to worry about. I got your Christmas present bought, packed, and ready to hand over. Oh, so you've been shopping, too, eh, Phil? You said it all day yesterday, one store after another. Well, did the women kick you around much? Yeah, but I got it coming to me. You said it. You know, Phil, I've been so busy, I haven't had a chance to buy your present yet. What did you get for me? I ain't saying you'll have to wait until Christmas. Oh, come on, Phil, tell me. All right, Jackson, I'll tell you what I bought you. Remember that camel's hair overcoat we saw on the window on Fifth Avenue? The one you were so nuts about? Yeah. Well, I got you a box of nuts. Well, Phil, unless you're kidding, when Mary is in the audience, Stoogeing for Olson and Johnson, you'll be in the lobby trying to get out of a straight jacket. Catch on? The way I've been going the last few nights, a straight jacket wouldn't be bad. He's not fooling, folks. You know, Phil lives on the 18th floor of the St. Maritz Hotel, and he never uses the elevator. He just goes in and out the window. Now, Phil. Yeah? It's about a little quicker on the yeah, you know, when I say now, Phil, you come right back. Yeah, there's no laugh when I say now, Phil, you know? Yeah. It's about time for a band number, so let's have it. What are you going to play? I don't know. This bunch don't speak English. Oh, fine. Well, don't worry about it, Phil. Just pick up your baton and follow him. Go ahead, Phil. Dingle Bells played by Phil Harris and his Central Park troubadours. Troubadours meaning they are traveling musicians, and Central Park meaning they ought to get a room tonight. That joke went over better the first show. Choja, we should change for the night show. What a gang you picked up here, Phil. Well, music is just a sideline with these boys. I know, and I wish you'd tell the drummer to stop pestering me. I've got all the potato peelers I need. Those guys sell everything from razor blades to mink coats. Think the fiddle player has wonderful minks. I saw them. Hello, Mr. Benny. Oh, hello, Dennis. Boy, am I. Have you been shopping, too? No, I just came from Roseland. Oh, 10 cents a dance, eh? Yeah, I cleaned up. Dennis, I hear that you and Kenny Baker have been stepping out and seeing the town together. Is that right? Yeah, and you know what, Mr. Benny? What? The other night, I made him pay for everything. I stuck him for $2.45. You did? Well, now, Dennis, that's not very nice. If Kenny is kind enough to show you a good time, the least you can do is go 50-50. Or better still, pay all the expenses yourself. It's all right to save money, Dennis, but there's nothing like being a good sport. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. What's that for, Ms. Livingston? Everybody else knows. You see, Dennis, there's only one way to be popular. When you're out with a fella and he reaches for the check, you take it first. And if he should pick it up, you grab it right out of his hand. Grab it. I can't stand this. Mary, come back here. OK. What's the matter with you? Dennis is just a kid, and while he's still young, he's got to be taught how to conduct himself in public and not be a cheapskate. I don't understand you, Mr. Benny. No, you don't? I don't understand you, Mr. Benny. I don't understand. Well, look, Dennis, I'll explain it to you. Dennis, we'll go out for a bite to eat after the broadcast, and I'll show you what I mean. I'll pick up the check, and you take it away from me. See? Then I'll take it away from you, and then you take it away from me. Then what? That's all, Bob. Mary, I warned you. Got it out, kid. Hey, Jackson. Yes, Phil? My band number's over, and I still got a lot of Christmas shopping to do. Do you mind if I run along? Well, I know, Phil. In fact, I think I'll go with you. There are a lot of things I got to get myself. Don, you can take charge of the rest of the program, can't you? Oh, sure, sure. Don't worry about it, Jack. Come on with us, Mary. I want you to help me pick out a few things. OK, but don't embarrass me. I won't. You know, there's a swell store near my hotel, the Sherry Netherlands, where I can buy almost. Wait a minute. Answer the phone, Mary. OK. Hello? Oh, Miss Livingston, this is Rochester. Oh, boy, are you going to get it. Jack, it's Rochester. Rochester. Give me that phone. I'll find out right now where he's been for the past two weeks. Hello? Oh, boss, what happened to you? Where have you been? Where have I been? I've been on the phone for the last 10 days trying to reach you. I call every hotspot in Harlem that's got a telephone. At the hot ones, you can't hear rain. Rochester, I don't want any flippancies. I want the truth. Now, we arrived in New York a week ago Thursday. The 12th, they tell me. Yes, the 12th. It is now December 22nd, just three days before Christmas. Happy old time, boss. Never mind that. What I want to know is what became of the time between December 12th when we got here and December 22nd, which is today. Well? Well? Well, on Friday the 13th, I was right up to the door of your hotel, ready to go to work. Uh-huh. And just as I was about to enter, a black cat ran across my path. I see. Well, couldn't you walk around the cat? I didn't wound up at 125th Street. Oh, well, so much for Friday. Now, what happened on Saturday and Sunday? I weekend ended up to Harlem. Upper Hudson, that is. Take it again, huh? I know when he's on the other side of the telephone. Well, we'll get to Monday. I must be psychic. Then we'll get to Monday. After your weekend, Rochester, why didn't you call me at my hotel? I was so full of sherry, I couldn't think of Netherlands. Now, don't give me that. Look, Rochester, I haven't any more time to argue with you. Where are you calling from? What's that, boss? I said, where are you right now? Just a minute. What's the address here, sugar? 31 Lenox Avenue, honey. 31 Lenox Avenue, honey. Rochester, who are you talking to? Susan Brown, the sweetest gal in town. Oh, yeah. I spoke to her last week and left a message for you. Did you get it? Just a minute. Honey, did you give me a message from Mr. Benny? Well, Rochester, you know I did. She forgot to give it to me, boss. Oh, she forgot to give it to you, eh? Yeah, she's as dizzy as a blonde, but it can't happen here. I want you to go over to my hotel right away. That made up for the one you must. I want you to go over to my hotel right away. There's a lot of work to do, and it's got to be done before tomorrow. Yes, sir. Now, how soon can you get over there? Just a minute, boss. Say sugar, I don't think I'll be able to take you to the Savoy ballroom tonight. Oh, that's all right, honey. I'll get somebody else. You better not get somebody else. I ain't going up there alone, Rochester. I want somebody to snuggle up to. You get somebody to snuggle up to, and it'll be your last snuggle. Rochester. I do mean last. You threatened me shorty, and I'll cut them $9 out of your hip pocket. Rochester, answer me. I want you to come right over to my hotel. Leaving right away, boss, so long. Goodbye. Now, listen, sugar, don't make any date. I'll run over to see Mr. Benny, put on the old personality, and be back in a half hour. Rochester, you forgot to hang up. Uh-oh. Oh, Rochester. Yes, boss. I heard your conversation. Don't you believe it? It's the same trouble that guy every time I come to New York. Come on, Mary. Let's go shopping while I'm mad. Yeah, that'll hold you down. Let's go, Phil. Right way, dear Jackson. All right, Dennis, let's have your song. It didn't be. Phil, you too, Mary. I don't want you to get lost. OK. Are you going to take us to see Santa Claus Daddy? Type down, both of you. Got to have some system here. Now, let's see my Christmas list. I got to buy a compact or something for my Aunt Molly, a lawnmower for Dennis, a Mickey for my writer, a deck of cards for Simney. Let's see. What else here? Look at that crowd of women at the bargain counter. Where? Oh, boy, what a mob. See you later, Jackson. I'm going over to Mingle. See you later. Gosh, I wish I knew what to get for Aunt Molly. Mary, I wonder if she could use a lipstick. And she got lip. What do you think? She got lips. Here's a counter. Yes, sir. What can I do for you? I'd like a lipstick, please. Oh, come now. Look, it's not for me. I'm buying it for my Aunt Molly. I see. A lipstick for your Aunt Molly. That's who it's for. She lives in Chicago on LaSalle Street. What number? I don't know the number. Oh, you don't know the number. And yet you want to send a lipstick to your Aunt Molly. I'm not going to send it. I'm going to take it to her. I'm going to stop off in Chicago. I'm going to wait at California. Oh, I suppose you're the only one that ever went to California. What are you talking about? I live in California. I got a home there. Well, I've got a home here, but I don't brag about it. I wasn't bragging. Now, look, mister, all I want is a lipstick. Am I going to get it or not? Sorry, I've decided against you. This guy isn't screwy, then I don't know why. No trouble over a lipstick. Mary, I ought to go over to the grocery department and get Don a case of jello. He'll love it for Christmas. And why don't you get two cases so you can sell a stocking? I'll get all the six flavors. That'll do it. And Mary, while we're in the store, I think I'll buy a collar button. I need one. Yeah, your Adam's apple ain't practical. It's just an emergency. I lost the button. There's the men's department over there. Pardon me. Could you tell me where I can buy an evening gown so I should look like Lena Turner? Miss, that's Lana Turner. Lee? Well, I'm sorry, Miss. I'm Jack Benny. I'm not a floor walker. I saw your picture. She looks like Babe Marks. Come on, Mary, let's get that collar button. I haven't got much time. You'd have funnier times if you stopped flirting with that girl. Who was flirting? She thought I was a floor walker, didn't she? Well, you didn't have to roll your big blue eyes at her. Mary, just because my eyes happen to be large and devil may carry, won't have to accuse me of flirting. Here we are. Good evening, sir. What can I do for you? I'd like to buy a collar button. A collar button? Yes, sir. Now, here's a nice one for $85. $85 for a collar button? Yes, that includes dress shirt, tie, socks, patent leather shoes, and a double-breasted tuxedo. Well, that's a good buy all right, but all I want is a collar button. Sorry, we never break up a set. Now, that's ridiculous. You know, Mr. I've shopped in every city in the United States, but I've never been in a store like this. I tried to buy some lipstick a few minutes ago. Lipstick? Oh, come on. And the salesman of that counter insulted me. Oh, Jack, look. What is it? Look who's over there at that counter. Where? Right there. Isn't that Kenny Baker buying a camera? Well, sure enough, it is Kenny. Let's go over and say hello. Gee, miss, this camera looks swell. I think I'll take it. How much is it? $3. $3? Gee, Dennis would like it all right, but haven't you got something for $0.55? Well, yes, but I thought you wanted to spend $3. I do, but he's already hooked me for $2.45. Oh, Kenny. Hello. I'll be dog gone. Hello, Jack. How are you, Mary? Gee, I'm glad to see you. I haven't seen you in a long time. Gee, you're getting to be a big boy now. I sure am. You want a cigar, Jack? Oh, my goodness. Look, Mary, he's got a whole pocket full of cigars. Yeah, I had him left over from Wilkie. Fine. Save old telly. How about a little kiss, Mary? OK. Hmm. Big boy, all right. Gars and everything. All right, kids. Break it up. Come on. Wow, he has grown up. Say, that was a real kiss, huh? Personally, I'm a wreck. Well, put yourself together. Come on with us, Kenny. You can buy your camera later. I want to talk to you. OK. I'll see you later. I've got to buy some hoes. All right, so long, Mary. Say, Kenny, how do you like your new job? See, that Fred Allen is pretty tough to work for, isn't he? No, he's swell. We get along great together. Oh. But I'll bet you don't have as much fun as you used to have on the old Jell-O show. See, you remember all the laughs and good times and everything? Yeah. But I'm having a wonderful time with Fred. Gee, talk about last. Say, he's a riot. That's so. Yeah. And you know what, Jack? Mr. Allen pays me every week. Pays you every week? Yeah, none of that see me later, kid stuff. Well, you must have a pretty short memory, Kenny. I used to have that envelope for you every week, too. Yeah, but with Mr. Allen, I don't have to play treasure hunt. Oh, well, good clean sport. Never hurt anybody. Say, Kenny. Yes, please? Oh, fine. Say, Kenny, I just happen to think of something. Remember the time you first came to work for me and I invited you over to the house for a Thanksgiving party? Yeah. I'll never forget how bashful you were. You remember I asked you if you wanted to have some more turkey? Yeah, and I was so darn nervous, I said yes. That turkey wasn't so bad. Have you got much left? Say, well, Kenny, gosh, I'll never forget the time. Kenny, remember when it was Halloween and I didn't know you were in the backyard? Yeah. All of a sudden, I heard a noise at the window. And Christmas are two days out of the year when it's fairly easy to decide on a dessert. Because you can figure that most families will be looking ahead to mince pie, pumpkin pie, or plum pudding. But during the rest of the 365 days of the year, choosing a dessert is always a problem. And that's where General Food's new calendar of desserts comes to your rescue. This handsome recipe book gives you a different dessert inspiration for every day in the year. Between its bright attractive covers, you'll find 365 suggestions for all kinds of delicious treats, profusely illustrated with beautiful color photographs. There's page after page crammed with mouthwatering pictures and descriptions of clever dessert dishes, pastries, puddings, cakes, and cookies, not to mention lots and lots of grand jello desserts. A flip of the page brings you a new and tempting dessert idea every day, and it's easy to get to. Just mail 10 cents in coin or stamps to Jack Benny, care of General Food's Battle Creek, Michigan, and a copy of the calendar of desserts will be forwarded to you at once. Send for yours today. Merry Christmas. See you Wednesday, Miss Benny. How often do you lie awake at night, ladies and gentlemen, listening to the ticking of the clock grow louder and louder and louder? And how often would you avoid that wakefulness if you drank Saka coffee instead of ordinary coffee? Saka coffee permits sleep because it is 97% caffeine free, and Saka is real coffee at its delicious best. Start drinking Saka coffee tomorrow. This is the National Broadcasting Company.