 Welcome back. We're getting into a new section after we've covered some of these topics. So over the course of time, we have looked at biblical foundations in Christian marriage. So where we had a brief understanding about what marriage is, marriage preparation, what are the roles and the personal preparation, the attitudes, temperament and behavior. So that was the first section that we looked into. We moved into quite a big section of elements of a good marriage where we spoke about communication, resolving conflicts, becoming a good team, managing the home, sexuality, establishing boundaries and spiritual nourishment. And then last week and this week, we looked at challenges in marriage. How do we overcome challenges? And we looked at the last class of how we can release the past and move forward. So these are a couple of sections that we've done. We're moving into our next session, which we'll take today and next week, which is foundations for parenting and the years that follow. So we are going to be focusing on two chapters in that, which is chapter 14 and chapter 15. So today we start with chapter 14 and in your books, it's 147. Or if you're following the PDF, page 147 in the PDF as well. So this week, we're going to be looking at insights on parenting. And next week, we'll be looking at how do you nurture children in different aspects of their lives. So we may not be able to cover the entire chapter today. I've broken it into two portions. So we will look at the first portion of it because of the opacity of time. We will look at the second half next week. So parenting primer. Now, through this chapter, we are going to learn biblical inputs and biblical principles and practical principles on parenting with the basic understanding of what it would mean to be parents or what does it mean to take on the role of a parent. So for those of you who are really young and who haven't even been married, you may be thinking, let me get married first and then I will think about parenting. But this is something I've heard from young parents who've done pre-narrative sessions. And when they become parents, they exactly tell me this. They say, this is what we thought of when we were doing this, that will come naturally. The more difficult part is living together with your spouse, but parenting will come naturally. But once they've had children, people have come back and said, these lessons were so needed and important to keep us prepared. So there have been couples who've come back after years of being married and having been parents and reworked two or three of these topics and come in for a discussion. So it's never too early to learn anything and consider it a privilege that you're being spoken about parenting even before you're married. So pay attention, keep your ears open, listen because these things are extremely useful. So what we've learned so far is that God is the one who's instituted knowledge. So all that happens under that institution of marriage is divinely appointed by God. So also parenting. Parenting is just as much as a ministry. It's a divine call. It's a ministry that is ordained by God where you are co-laboring with God to carry out his purposes. So it is something that is ordained by God. Also when we look at children, look at them as people who God has loaned to you for a particular season and time, loan. God has given them to you to bring them up in the way and the instruction and the training of the Lord so that they can be released back to God to fulfill his purposes. So you are like a person who God's put and said, okay, this is a family or this is a couple. I'm going to loan children too. So basically they're not our own. They are God's. They're given to us for a brief period of time to nourish, to encourage, to build, to bring up in the instruction of the Lord so that we can release them back to God for his work and for his purposes. So I hope that becomes like a good perspective in our mind even as we start this lesson. One of the biggest calls for us as parents is to represent God the Father to our children. When we look at ourselves in a relationship with God, God is our Heavenly Father and you and I are part of his family here on earth. And so because God is our Father, just like when you, your parents, you receive a lot of things that belongs to your Father. That is your family name, your identity, your culture, your property. All of that comes to you because you are his, right? You belong to your earthly Father. So similarly, we as family, we belong to God and we receive everything from our Father. That is our identity, our very being, our very security comes from God. So we, because he becomes our model, every parenting or fatherhood or motherhood comes from God who is the ultimate Father. So, you know, Psalm 127.3 says, the children are an inheritance from the Lord. This means, like I said, the children belong to God but have been loaned to you. So it is a call what we are doing when we are parenting is to represent the Heavenly Father to our children when he has entrusted us to him. Now, as human parents, none of us are perfect. There are many mistakes we have, many mistakes we make. And for those of us who are parents here, you know, it is no count of the number of mistakes maybe you and I have made. And in fact, many of us are still learning. And in every stage of life, we are learning more and more. When we think that we finished, it comes to next season of life, whether there is so much to learn, whether they're infants or toddlers or children or adolescents or adult children. There is so much that we learn about what parenting is all about. And through every season and every stage of life, that's what we are called to do to represent Father God to our children. That is to show who God is through our own lives to our children. So this can be an extremely, it's a very big task, you know, that's what God is perfect. He's holy, there's no flaw, there's no blemish in him. But our desire should be that when our children meet with us, when our children deal with us, they are able to see God in us and through us. And they will begin to have the right picture of who God is, understand what the love of God is through our lives. And you know, that's a lot of times, I think, again, maybe just a little bit of sharing from what happens, you know, in counseling sessions to people, you know, the way that young children are helped or treated by their fathers becomes, it shows you a picture of how they see God later in their lives. Whatever they've experienced with their early, with their earthly father in the early days of their life, maybe as a child, what you see from your father is what you compute as you see from the heavenly father. And so when young children go through difficult trauma, there is a trauma caused by their own earthly fathers, the way that they see God is very coloured by what they see in their earthly father. Because as a child, they are your most important caretakers, and a child only knows how to trust, knows only how to depend. They don't know otherwise, right, because the caretakers, the father and mother become the strongest influencers in their life. So a lot of hurt comes from that. And that's, that's so important why as young parents, it's important to know and understand how we deal with children. Because we are representing the heavenly father to our children when you are that flesh and blood that your child sees. And it's only when they turn into more mature adults do they begin to see a representation of who God is in you, who God really is. But the first glimpse of that comes from you as an earthly parent. So that's so important why parenting in itself is something that should be intentional. And that's why we're taking this time to really dwell into this and discuss this. So the aim of parenting is to represent the father God to the children because children sees God through our lives, through our actions. How do we represent God the father? It is to be to be in a place to give God to give unconditional love. Only God's love has these is unconditional in itself. It's immeasurable. That is, you know, it's so vast. There's no limit to it. You can't measure it. There are no conditions to it. That is, God doesn't say, I will love you only if you sin no more. Or I will love you only if you do these 10 commandments. I will love you only if you become this or that. God's love is immeasurable. And we read of this kind of love the dimensions of God's love in Ephesians chapter 3 verses 17 to 19. Can some, can one of you read that Ephesians chapter 3 verses 17 to 19? Can someone read that? Okay, I think I'll read it. Ephesians 3 17 to 19. It says that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith that you being rooted and grounded in love may be able to comprehend with all the sins. What is the width and length and depth and height to know the love of God which passes knowledge that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. So it really shows you. Paul is saying that we have the ability to understand or the power to understand as God's people the dimensions of the love of God. It says how wide, how long, how high, how deep all dimensions. And that we will experience the love of Christ. And that even though we can't fully understand it, we will be filled with the fullness of that power. So that's what that unconditional love is what Paul is talking about. So when Paul is pointing that out, he's giving you a glimpse of what kind of love it is that you show to your children. You extend this God kind of love to your children in order to represent God, the Father, the heart of God to them. So our children need to know that they are always loved even when they have not been exemplary in their behavior. Even when they have done things to disappoint us, we love them regardless of their performance, their abilities, their capacities, their nature. We still love and we believe in them. We still desire whatever is good for them. So everything comes from this unconditional love that we have experienced of love of God. And that's what we represent. So representing our Heavenly Father comes from the way that we give that kind of love to God. Another way that we show or we bring about who God is is by being examples, by being that role model for our children. Proverbs 37 says, God loyal people living honest lives make it much easier for their children. So who is a person, a role model? A role model is someone who you follow, who you imitate. They are generally people who you may admire or you may want to imitate. And I'm sure even as we've grown up as children, we've all had some role model or the other. It may be an actor, it can be a sports person, it can be a business person, it can be someone who's a missionary, somebody who's been a role model to us because of their character or the success that they've reached, the lives that they've lived. Something has inspired us about them and we are motivated to act according to them even though we may not be directly involved with them. So for children, by default the role models become the parents. And it starts from a really small young age where you see in little ways children begin to imitate their parents. They want to be like their parents and because they're continuously being influenced by their parents, they want to be like them. And so as a parent, you have the opportunity to directly influence their lives, to shape and mold their lives. So it is often left to the parent to either make this, to build this and make this a strong positive influence or other way around. So there is this line that says, when you teach something, it's more than it is being taught, it is caught. So they will look at your behavior and they will catch the things you do rather than do the things you teach. They will do the things you do rather than doing the things you teach because your lives are being played out in front of them every day. So the way that a parent interacts in the way our attitudes, our words, our behaviors, our actions is something that we consciously need to model to the children. And that's exactly what God wants us to be, to living our lives by example rather than by instruction. So what we do is a more powerful story than what we say because children see us walking, children see us doing the things more than what we say. So when they see you living a life that is honorable before the eyes of God, it makes it so much easier for them to follow through that. Because they know that they've seen it and they know that's something that it can be done. So as parents, you are your child's first teacher and you have a significant influence in the way your child behaves. And children are like the sponges. They take in as much water as possible. That means they absorb so many things which means both the good as well as the bad gets absorbed. So which means children learn so many things from us. They learn basic things, basic manners. They learn how to speak. They learn what kind of attitudes to have during different struggles, what behaviors, what are aspects of life and how do we deal with it? How do we deal with stress? How do we deal with conflicts when we are bothered or when we are frustrated? How do we respond? Do we respond with shouts and screams or anger? Or are we in a calmer state of learning to deal with it? So at all times, more than us giving an instruction, we are live visible examples for the children. So as parents, we need to be extremely careful that we live lives that help children see a good influence. So which means we must be very careful as parents to unlearn some of the things that our own parents did while they brought us up. Our parents may have been very strict in their disciplining. They could have been very controlling. There may have been certain behaviors that have been unhealthy for us. So we need to be, unlearn some of that and come to a place of consciously modeling that which is good and healthy and that which God is pleased with. So it is a good thing to think through your own character, your own behavior, your own attitude, your own lifestyle because that is exactly what you will be modeling to your children. So some traits or some attitudes, some behaviors, that's what you may be modeling. Now, an example is just look at your own life and think of certain things that you have found similar between yourself and your one of your parents. Right? And we say, okay, I am that that's the way that I am. That's because you have seen something, you have emulated it. And very often we move ahead in life without really paying much of attention or questioning ourselves if that's something that we need to alter or to change. So we need to come to a place of understanding that unlearn it for ourselves first and then, you know, for the sake of our children do something that will help them. Okay? So being your child's role model is a very, very important foundational understanding and belief that everything, however we respond, however we do things, that's exactly what our children will learn and see. Okay? I'll stop here for around two minutes. Do you all have any questions? Any questions? Nobody? Okay. So let's move on then. Okay. So just as much as, you know, as a responsibility of a parent, there are many things that we are called to do. It's just not to give them food, water, education, ensure that they get a job. As much as we are responsible to do that, there are many more things that as a parent we are responsible for. That is to provide them emotionally, provide for them spiritually, provide for them socially with regard to disciplines, values, morally principles, all of them. And that is what we are responsible for and that's what we say. We train them to know how to live. So remember that our children are not going to be mothered and fathered by us beyond a certain point, right, beyond the point of maybe 14, 15. After that, they start becoming their own person, their own people. So think of it like this. The home is like a lab, a laboratory, where you learn, right, you do a lot of experiments in your chemistry lab in your bio lab, so that when you go out in the world, you apply all that you learned in that protected environment, and you go out and live in the world out, right, maybe in a subject like biology or chemistry. You use those principles that you learned in the lab in different things in your work. Similarly, the years that a child spends with their parents at home is like a laboratory. It's a controlled, protected, careful environment where you can make all your mistakes. You know, there is correction, there is help, everything is given to you. So that's what we are called to do. Teaching them how to live, which is and how you do that is when you impart values, principles, disciplines, skills, and this happens over a period of time. And this happens slowly from simple to complex. You don't teach a two-year-old child about, you know, social manners that would need for a 14-year-old. You teach them small, maybe saying thank you, saying hello, saying sorry, but then as they grow up, it becomes, the teaching becomes more and more. So all these are imbibed early and it's done so very quickly. So when we as parents are able to teach them different things for life, then they are able to function like that. So there may be certain values or, you know, principles, maybe like values such as honesty, values of being kind to one another, generous, compassionate, considerate, being truthful, being integral. There may be certain principles or certain disciplines that you want to teach, being industrious, being punctual, being determined, working hard. Or there can be certain life skills that you're teaching, in the way they communicate, in the way they solve problems, in the way that they make decisions, in the way they make choices. So all of this comes from the parents, you know, you build them up through that. So it is good to list, to be able to know what are a set of values or principles you want to teach your children. And there are some exercises in the book that you can do for yourself. Like list out what are some principles, some disciplines, some life skills that you would really like to teach your child and bring them up. So it's just not spiritual and physical. There's a lot more to a person in the sense of how they deal with them emotionally, how they are good stewards of their money financially, how they are, how they can think, you know, cognitively, how do they think. So all of this comes from you as a parent. So to be able to do that consistently as they are with you. Okay. Now, even as we bring up children, it's important to know your children, to understand your children. Because every child is made very, very different and unique. God did not make, you know, a vada maker to make children or a cookie cutter to make children. Everyone is very different. And there are each child, especially even in families, every child is very different. And let's look at some insights on to how you can understand your child. Okay. So can someone read Psalm 127, Chapter 127 versus 3 to 5. Psalm 127, 3 to 5. Anybody? Sam. Mom, can you hear? I can. I can, Anna. Go ahead. Psalm 127 versus 3 and 4. Behold children or a heritage from the Lord. The fruit of the, the fruit of the womb is a reward like arrows in the hand of warriors or the children of one's youth. Can you read verse 5 also, Anna? Yeah, mom. Verse 5. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them. They shall not be ashamed, but shall speak with their enemies in the gate. Okay. Thank you. Thanks, Anna. So when you look at this, you know, it's giving a picture. It's giving some word pictures of how children are like arrows. Okay. It's giving you that interesting picture. And when you, when you take an arrow in your hand, you know, there are certain things that, that you know of an arrow is that when you are shooting an arrow, you can't aimlessly shoot an arrow. You, it needs a certain target, right? If you aimlessly shoot an arrow, it'll go hit something else somewhere else will be in big trouble. So arrows are something that need to be aimed at the target, which, so what, what understanding do we have is it's talking about how we have to train and equip them so that our children follow a certain course, meet a certain target so that they are trained and equipped for certain things. So we need to have an idea about how our children are trained and equipped. Okay. Now arrows are also things that you can use for that, that can, that can cause victory or it can cause defeat. And here you see that it talks about how, you know, arrows, arrows can, can, can be like the children can be, can, can have a lot of influence on the outside. So they can either bring defeat or they can bring victory. So the, the, the children are, you know, when, when you, when you're intentional about bringing them up, they can be powerful in the land and they will be blessed. So the way that we release them, they should be in places where they can have impact and influence. Okay. Arrows also, you know, reach very far off in distance. They really go huge distances. And, you know, that arrows were really used in war earlier, right? So then if you shoot it up, you shoot it at a particular angle, you know, with that, with that momentum, it really goes huge distances. So it is how do we prepare them just like how they are released? How do we prepare them well so that they can really accomplish many things? Okay. And it also talks about a quiver full of arrows, meaning grown up children become that sense of defense and protection when they are bought up well. So it is when we set our children into that course, we need to know each of them. We really need to know what is their, what is their uniqueness? What are things in them that will set them to a place of impact and influence? So that is our responsibility. Taking time and effort to know every child who is with us. Now, our children needn't be the same. They're not expected to be the same. They could be very, very different. So when we're looking at understanding our children, we're also being careful not to compare them, right? Especially siblings, when you have siblings at home. Maybe one has a more tendency towards studies. The other has a tendency towards something else, maybe sport, right? In our minds, we feel, okay, unless and until this happens this way, nothing's going to work out. So what do we do? We attempt to mold children according to our beliefs and our understanding, right? But to know that each child is created very uniquely to do a different purpose. So we look to find out what really interests them, what encourages them, what inspires them. And that way, the only way we do that is only by conversing, talking or observation and doing things with them experientially. So we take time to engage with the children, to understand them so that they would be in a place of, you know, they can reach their greatest potential as we do so, okay? Now even as our children, children go through different stages in life. From the time they're born to the time they become adults, okay? There are different stages in their lives. So they start off with being infants, right, when they're just babies till they're around one year old. Then they become toddlers, one to three years of age. Then they start going to school. And then they become, get into middle school. They become adolescents. They become young adults. And then they become adult children. Now these are the different stages in childhood. Now the way that you engage with your infant, that is a one or a two year old, is not the way that you'll engage with your 15 year old. With your infant, you will feed them. You will clothe them. You will tell them what to do. You will carry them. But if you do the similar things, even when they're 15, there's something wrong. There's something absolutely wrong in the way you parent, right? So there are parents who do that, who still spoon feed their adolescent children. Maybe not carry them, but barring all that, they do everything else for them. But the way that you as a parent, or we as parents engage with them, needs to adapt to their age or to their stages. So the way that we instruct them, the way that we teach them, the way we discipline them all change according to the stage of life that they are in. For example, if you are going to use a belt or a cane to beat your adult child who's 21 year old, the same way that you used maybe for your preschooler, that is in work, right? The child will soon come back to you and there are going to be problems that arise. So every stage has a different way of engaging. So with the smaller babies, with the babies, what you're doing is you're only playing. You're only nurturing them. You're only ensuring that they feed, that they get love, they get affection, they go to the toilet and that's what they're looking for. Your initial years is just that. Slowly as they grow, you become like a playmate. You are the one who plays with them. You become the guide. You become, you start showing them different, different things about how life is. When they become a little older, after around seven, eight years, you become more instructive, you begin to discipline them, right? And then you begin to bring them up to a stage where they are able to reason with you. When they become adolescents between 13 to 18, you are participating alongside. You're encouraging, you're empowering them, you're equipping them. You are more like a teammate to them, right? As young adults, you're more like a coach, you're like a mentor. And after they turn adults, you're more like an advisor, more like a friend who shares and experiences ideas, you respect their opinion. Now, these transitions are extremely important to take. And that's a place where as parents, we need to keep growing. We need to keep developing our styles of dealing with them just like how they are different, how they are turning to be different. Now, in the midst of all of this, one of the hardest phases of parenting comes when the transition happens from them becoming a child to a teenager. Now, some of the hallmarks of a teenager is they are discovering themselves. They are building their own identity as people. They're moving away from their identity, from their parents and discovering themselves, their identity, their interests, their beliefs and values. They are growing to be little adults. And so they would like to do things on their own. They begin to experiment. They begin to look forward to finding new things. They make personal statements about their lives. So as parents, it's very important to understand and work out these things with them as teenagers. Now, if you look into the book, there is a table of different situations that is given that can help you to see how as a parent you can work with them, right? Whether it is the things that they want to do or whether they defy you, whether they may be different opinions that they may have or the way that they see their friends, whatever, there are different situations that's given. And maybe if you can go back and read that, it's helpful. There are day-to-day situations that take place that you can look at and understand. I'll stop here because the next whole section is about discipline and it's a huge section. I may not finish that in 10 minutes, but we will close today till that point. I want to open this out for questions. If you don't have any questions today, I will be 100% sure that you have not listened. Okay, so I am hoping for at least one or two questions to bring up a discussion. Yes, over to you. Yes? Yeah, Pastor. Yes. Nina, is that you? Yes. Yes, Nina, tell me. Yeah, so sometimes growing up years, we are not aware of so many of these truths. So now, I know it's difficult, but still how to handle things in a better way. Okay, so I think that's a wonderful question. This is a question that I often get when I do these parenting sessions is we never knew all of this. Our children are such and such age. How do we make that change? So I think first and foremost, Nina, the important thing to know and to understand is that to remember that God is in control. Okay, any bad situation, he can reverse, he can change for our good. That is the foundational truth we need to have, right? Especially when we see things much later on in life and a lot of things are behind us. The second thing is, you know, in case, if at points of time the Holy Spirit convicts us of mistakes we've made as parents, one of the most humble things that we can do is to approach our children and really seek forgiveness from them. Because when we are convicted, it leads to repentance. So when we repent, we are also sharing with our children that I am committing not to make these mistakes again. And I want to have a different way of dealing with you from here on. And I choose to do such and such and such and such. So when you do that, you're actually, it's a very powerful thing to commit to your children. When you have made a mistake, you know, asking for forgiveness and then committing to them that you are choosing to do better, choosing to do things differently. And that in itself can bring about so much of a change. I believe nothing is late even when we have lost many, many years. We can go back to our children, repent, express how you would like to change things depending on the age of your child. Let's say you may have a adolescent or a young adult. Adolescent young adult is a place, like I said, you know, that's a place where you are sharing ideas. You are equally participating, maybe sitting together and finding out better ways of how you can interact with one another. That can sometimes be very helpful. If your child is older, you know, you can actually converse and talk with your child on how you can make things better. What is to hear their ideas. And so they may say, you know, this is what you've never done or this is how you have been. I really wish you were like this. And so taking that feedback and approaching it differently is humbling. It is, it's also, it also shows your children that you really, you really desire to make a change. So depending on what stage of life your child is in, you can make some of those changes. And it's never too late. It's never too late to build a relationship to restore something. It's never too late because as you know, as the Bible says, he is the one who helps to restore it in our relationships. So he will restore those relationships as well. I hope that was helpful, Nina. I don't think like sometimes, you know, parents, one person will be ready to do the changes. Like the other one will be very stubborn. No, I will not like any, like a character or something. They'll be very stubborn in showing that good attitudes. So the other one person is already like ready to show the good attitude. But other sometimes, you know, I will do my way. So kids are literally learning all these things. Like, yeah, yeah. Actually, if you look at, you know, the next portion that we're going to do, one of the points is the fifth point is parents need to be in agreement. So yes, it is important. And this is probably something that's very, very difficult and challenging for most parents because each of them have to change and have to come to a unified agreement. On being parents. Yes, it is difficult. Nevertheless, it's important. And that's why maybe conversations about important things like parenting and all of that is something that, you know, doing early on in life, especially like that. And that's what I said. Those of you who aren't married, who are yet to get onto this, these are very, very important discussions to have, you know. People often ask me, you know, while you're quoting, while you're dating, what do you talk about? Yeah, instead of talking about, you know, everything outside, these are important things you can talk about so that you align one page and in sync with one another. All right. So yes, it's a challenge. Nina, that's a challenge. Nevertheless, I said, like, like we know, the Holy Spirit is the one who leads us, convicts us and brings us to all truth. So the parent whose, whose eyes have opened may, you know, spend more time in prayer, asking the Lord to bring the two, both the husband and the wife in unity, especially with regard to parenting. Okay. Any other questions? Thank you. Thank you, Pastor. Okay. All right. If there are no questions, let's close. Can I request somebody to please pray today? Nina, Nina, John, would you like to pray if you can unmute? Would it be okay for you to pray? Yeah, sure. Gracious loving father. Thank you so much, Lord, for the time that we had. With your word and all these wonderful truths that would be so useful to each of us, those who are already parents and those who are going to be parents, but we want to thank you, Lord. And we pray that your spirit, we would truly be a totally under the guidance and the control of the Holy Spirit so that we know Lord at every given time. How to go about these things so that we would be an example to the children and otherwise, Lord, in all the difficult and difficult areas that come about in this journey. We pray Lord that we would be able to really set an example and like if we even have friends who are maybe struggling with parenting in some area or the other. We would really be able to help in whichever way we can. And in this way, Lord, we would bring about children who are the church of tomorrow, you know, and there would really be somebody. All these children would really be people of faith and a wonderful example to their contemporaries. And in this way, really establish your kingdom here on Earth, Lord. Thank you once again for giving us this time to be with you in your presence and with all of us. Thank you for Pastor Jean and all the truths that we learn. Thank you so much. In Jesus precious name we pray. Thank you. Thank you so much, Nina. Thank you all. God bless you. We meet next week again. Thank you.