 We invite you to enjoy life. Life with Luigi, a new comedy show created by Psy Howard and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J Carol Nash with Alan Reed as Beswale. Luigi Basko left Italy to start his new life in America. He promised his mother that he would write and tell her about his adventures. So now let's read Luigi's letter as he writes to Mama Basko in Italy. Mama me, today is one of the biggest days of my life. This morning I'm receiving a letter from Immigration Department, which says that Thursday, September 8th, I must go there and apply for my first to citizen of papers. Mama me, I remember when you son of Luigi is the first to come to America. How stupid he was. I'm a pastor of stories and I must see signs that say fire sale. And I'm gonna think it's a strange country where they gotta sail on a fire. If they ever see advertisement and there's a paper that says, big sale of argument to basement. Ha, I go right down to the store to buy a basement. I guess I was pretty stupid. Mama, but now I'm here over one year and I'm a much smarter fella. Last week, fellas would walk up to me in the street and he's saying, hey bub, I got a good deal for you. How you like to buy messes in New York for $25? But even though sounds like a good deal, I'm a know-buy messes. Mama me, if I'm in a Chicago, who's gonna watch the business? It's better for me, I'm gonna take care of my own and take a business and I keep going to tonight's school. Home, I teach him a spotting. She's gonna be so happy when I tell her the good news about my first to papers. America, I love you. You like a papa to me, from ocean to ocean. Big buildings, you wide streets, here you lovely parks. Soon you're gonna be mine. Even there's a wind that's blowing all this free fresh air into my nose. Must be the stockyards. Even that's gonna be mine. Blow in the blow. I'm a like to see those fresher leaves that planer down the street. That the man that's chasing is a hat. That the nice young girls that scout the blow in the blow. Now I'm across the street to my school. Mama me, I look at that car's speed. He's all I must to hit to me. I think he's gonna hit that car. He's a hit. Oh look, he's a pastor at the light and he's right away. There's his license. I'm a got to report him. Everybody don't crowd around. Officer, officer, Mr. Policeman, I'm gonna see the whole thing. Who are you, Mac? Numbers are not the Mac, it's a Luigi. It's the other fellow's fault, but I'm gonna remember his license number. It's the K8 to 24 to 46 to the 7th. Good work, buddy. The number's a Luigi. That's all right, Tom. Are you hurt, mister? Well, I think I'm okay, but my car's all smashed up. Well, don't worry, we got a good witness. A witness? What's it like? Buddy, you saw the accident. Now give us your name, address, telephone number, where we can get a hold of you and tell us how it all happened. Huh? Huh? All right, class, class, attention. I'll call the roll. Mr. Basko? Mr. Basko? Oh, this is the first time he's been absent. Mr. Harwood? I'm here. Mr. Olsen? I am here. Mr. Schultz? If I ain't here, there's a very good-looking fellow there in my suit. Thank you, thank you, thank you, fellow Schultz. Move on a combination. Besides being witty, I'm pretty. Please, Mr. Schultz, let's get on with our lesson. I'm a spoiling it. Please, I'm here. Don't remark on me absent. I'm a present. Oh, Luigi, you should have been here a minute ago. I just made a lullaby loser. Please, Mr. Schultz, Mr. Basko, why are you late? He's all like explained over here. I'mma bring a note. A note? Who from? From a cop, here. Mr. Luigi Basko was detained from school because he volunteered as a witness to a traffic accident. Oh, Luigi, a witness. Oh, that's terrible. That's a terrible of what to show. Yeah, my cousin Wolfgang, you know, was a witness. His wife was bitten by a dog. And did he get into trouble? What the trouble? His wife beat him up. He was a witness for the dogs. Mr. Basko, don't let Mr. Schultz worry you. It's often difficult to get witnesses to an accident, and I think you performed your duty like a good citizen. Oh, thank you. Oh, Miss Spulling, I must have forgot to tell you. I got an order to go down for my first to citizen of Peppers, September the 8th. Well, Mr. Basko, that's wonderful. Congratulations, Luigi. Thank you, Luigi, that's wonderful. You get your first papers on election day. You can vote. Yeah, and when you get your vetting papers, you can vote twice. Correction, Mr. Schultz, you can only vote once. That's civics. Correction, Miss Spulling, you can vote twice. That's politics. Oh, Luigi, I know just how you feel. The day I got my first papers, I was so happy. Everybody who came into my deligadese got a freeze-alarm. Oh, that's real nice, Schultz. Oh, you should have seen, Luigi. The neighborhood was so full of heartburn, you could have started a forest fire. Well, thanks. Thanks to everybody for your nice words. A Miss Spulling, Horowitz, Olson, and Eushel. But, Miss Spulling, I'm a little worried. You think because I'm a witness for accident, maybe I'm going to have trouble with my citizen of Peppers? Not at all. You spoke up for what you thought is right. Oh, thank you, Miss Spulling. That's right, Luigi. I always remember my Uncle Hugo's words. He always said, you've got to have the courage of your convictions. And he ought to know. Fine. He's been convicted six times. Well, Mummy, as is so early in the morning, is the phone ringing. Hello? What? What? Or an insurance company? Yeah, this is a Luigi Busco. Yeah, I'm a witness. Sure, I'm a city accident. I was a close-up eye. What? I'm a citizen of Peppers. I'm a citizen of Peppers. I'm a citizen of Peppers. What? If I'm a liar, I get a 20-year-old for part-jury? Mummy, you kind of say this. You go by it. What am I going to do? I'm going to run next door and tell Pascuale. Hey, what are you doing in your nightgown in my spaghetti palace so early? Pascuale. Pascuale, I'm going to get a lot of trouble. You think you got a trouble? Look, tuna fish is a cost of so much, I got a raise to the price of my chicken salad. What's the matter? Something is going wrong with your citizen of Peppers? No. Insurance companies are just a call and telling me I'm going to get a 20-year-old for part-jury. Luigi, how many times am I going to tell you best the policy is a 20-year-old endowment? Come up, Pascuale. You don't understand. Last night, when I was going to school, I was seeing an auto accident, and I'm going to give him my name. Shultz is a warning to me I'm going to have a trouble. And this morning, it's just starting in. Oh, you've got nothing to do but run around on a watch accident. Why are you running around like a crazy little mouse when you should just sit home and you're on a trap? The problem with you is you've got no responsibility. Oh, you're right, Pascuale. Luigi, you know what's to happen when a fellow like you is a stay single of 50 or 60 years? What? You'll become a bachelor. You should settle it down. Marry a nice girl. Marry a girl like my Rosa. Raise a little family. Maybe 15 of Bambini. No, Pascuale. I'm not going to marry your Rosa. Luigi, you want those little Bambinos should it be orphans? Pascuale, please. I'm not going to have enough trouble now. Besides, Rosa is too fat for me. Too fat? Too fat. Why don't you just weigh 250 pounds? You're lucky to get a girl like that. She's always a happy. There's too much to happen. Pascuale, please. Do not talk about a marriage until I get to my first purpose. The only thing that's to worry me is that the witness is busy. Well, pardon me. I'm looking for Mr. Basko. He's not in the store. I'm Luigi Basko. What can I do for you? You can accept a subpoena. What's that? A court order. But I'm going to have an order of court. Wait, wait, Mr. Luigi, looks like you're going to take a slow boat to Italy. Pascuale, what's this subpoena? What am I going to do? Yeah, give me. I'll read it for you. All right. On the top is a super-area cost of the state of Illinois. What's this super-area? That's like a supermarket. Arnie, instead of selling the things like a soap and a tuna fish, if they sell us summons, isn't it a traffic attack? Come on, Mummy. Quiet, please. I'm a-reading them. Subpoena, affidavit, and... Hey, Luigi, how come they find out you're not a citizen? Pascuale, you sure they know that? I'm a positive. It's a say here, affidavit. You was a citizen. You're to get a hold of David. You're not a citizen. Please, please, Pascuale. Save for me, save for me. Save for me, save for me. Save for me, save for me, save for me. That's all you can say. Save for me. What do you think I am? A Salvation Army? Now, let me read you some more. You were ordered to appear in a court on a Thursday, the 8th of the day of September 10 a.m. Thursday, September 8th. Pascuale, that's the day I'm supposed to get my first citizen of purpose. Oh, Luigi, that's bad. You're not going to get your papers. You're going to super-area court. The whole estate is against you, and all you've got is a half of David and your defense. Pascuale, why are you reading so fast? Who's the reading? I'm praying for your life. Life of Luigi continues in just a moment, but firstly, it's fun for all on the big break for lucky youngsters. Tonight, Horace Hyde's original Youth Opportunity program unveils another chance at fame and fortune. Music, comedy, thrills and glamour. They're yours now every Sunday evening when you tune in Horace Hyde, another great CBS show heard over most of these same stations. And now for the second act of Luigi Vasco's Adventures in Chicago, we turn to page two of his letter to his mother in Italy. And it's so, mommy, what was it going to be best the week of my life? Is it going to turn out to be the worst? I was across the street in a safe at his own, minding of my own business. I see accident and I like a good American, I give a name as a witness. Now, so many better things are happening to me. Looks like the story of my life is going to be from a safe at his own to a sink sink. But the biggest tragedy to me is same day I must appear in a court, I must also appear down at town and for my first, a citizen of papers. Mama mia, this is a wonder time. I'm a wish, I was as fat as a rose so I can be in two places at the same time. Anyway, I'm sitting in my antique store wishing I was dead when it's in a cummerstands your man. Are you a Luigi Vasco? That's a me. Look, Mr. Vasco, I happen to be concerned with the defendant in a case that's coming up tomorrow in court. I have a little present for you, say, uh, $500. What are you talking about? I'm a no-understander. Okay, I'll lay my cards on the table. But I'm a no-wanna play cards. Look, I'll give it to you straight. I'm offering you a bribe. I'm a no-wanna get the married. Listen, friend, my brother realizes he made a mistake hitting that car and running away. It's worth $500 to him if you don't show up as a witness tomorrow. Oh, sir, that's what you mean. I should have been a bad citizen. Look, Mr. this case doesn't get to me in a lot of trouble, but I'm a rather be no citizen than a bad citizen. Look, nobody will know what you are. I'll know what I'm... and I'll be glad I'm never telling nobody about you and I'll please get out before I'm a get the married. Goodbye. She's my friend. I love Luigi. I love, I love. I love Pascuali. Well, Luigi is a 9 or 30 and you're gonna go to the courtroom and begin to walk at the last mile. Pascuali, I'm a no-wanna standard marriage. From a little thing like I've been a witness, I'm losing my sitters and a ship. So how things are happening, Luigi? You know what they say from a little acorns is to grow bigger cones. But don't worry, Luigi, you friend of Pascuali and his beauty for the daughter of Rosa, they're gonna stand by your side all the time. Oh, thank you, Pascuali. When you walk into the court, I'm gonna hold your hand. When you sit down on the bench, I'm gonna hold your hand. But when the judge is to give you 50 years in a jail, I'm gonna have to let go for a little while. 50 years? Well, Luigi, if you were to consider marrying my Rosa, maybe I'm personally gonna figure out a way to get you off. How you gonna do this to Pascuali? Well, I'm a no-the-law and I give you time off for parole or good behavior and withholding a tax. Pascuali, Pascuali. Luigi, I thought maybe I'd go with you to the downtown and help you get at your citizenship papers. Sure, sir. What have you got in the bag? This is the end of a salami. That's for you, Luigi. When the man gives you the papers, it's nice to give him a tip. A tip? End of the salami. A tip. Oh, sure, sir, but thank you. But I'm not the goner for my papers. In a few minutes I'm gonna go to the court and who knows what they're gonna do to me. Mr. Baskill, my mother baked you this cake to celebrate your citizen papers. Thank you, Sandy. And thank you, Mama, for me. Hey, little boy, this cake is gonna be no good for Luigi unless he's got a file inside. A file? Why? Because Luigi is going to jail. Pascuali, don't be such a pessimist. Be happy. Be octopus. Listen, Mr. Dallicott, test of the man. I'm gonna know the law. Well, we're gonna go to the court. Oh, man, stop it. Sandy, you run out and tell the whole neighborhood to come. Get O'Reilly, horror with O'Reilly. Now, play the show. Sit down and buy it. You go ahead, Sandy. Go on. All right, Mr. Schultz. And don't worry, Mr. Baskill. We'll all be there. Yeah, fine. Come on, Luigi. We go to the court with you. That place is your summoner when I make a trouble. Luigi, this case is bigger than you now. You're a martyr. Like Nathan Hale, you've got it only one life to give for your country. That's all right, Luigi. And in the next few hours, are we gonna know if you gave it? Luigi is a look of bad for you when this is caught. They're breaking you in the slow. Already, they put a bars on the windows. Oh. Here comes the judge. Oh, Luigi is a look of very sad for you. The judge is all addressed in a black. My man. Here comes the judge. Illinois is now in session. Judge Mitchell presiding. First case is state of Illinois versus Stanley Adams. Well, the plaintiff, Albert Farnsworth, take the stand. Farnsworth, you promised to tell the truth. The whole truth. Nothing but the truth's healthy, God. I do. Well, you tell us in your own words exactly what happened. Well, I was driving along Michigan Boulevard at a normal rate of speed in my brand new car. I waited so long to get it. And suddenly, this other car came tearing along. And before I knew it, he hit... Witness for the plaintiff, Luigi Basko. The president... Mr. Basko, take the stand. Yes, sir. Your Honor. As attorney for the defense, I'd like to request an irregular procedure. We may save a lot of time if I can cross examine the witness immediately. Well, it is somewhat irregular, but request granted. All right, Mr. Basko. You promised to tell truth. The whole truth. Nothing but the truth's healthy, God. Look here. Do you swear to... Please, please, I will never swear. Your honor. Mr. Basco, just state your intention to tell the truth. Your honor, judge, please. I'm always a threat to tell the truth. Good for you, Luigi! Quiet. Quiet, please. Mr. Basco, tell me this. On the night in question, were you crossing Michigan Boulevard? Well, it was also on the corner of... Just answer yes or no. All right. I will try again. At the time of the accident, when you saw the green car, was it going faster than 35 miles an hour? Yes or no. I'll see you here, Mr. Basco. That's a very simple question. It requires a very simple answer. Yes or no. Take your pick. Or... Judge, judge, please. I'm not going to say yes, I'm not going to say no. What else am I going to say? Mr. Basco, just try to answer the question to the best of your ability. Who has thought, Judge, got a smart head between his ears? Quiet, please. Mr. Basco, at the time of the accident, just where were you standing? Under my feet. Toys in this courtroom. Your friends think you're very funny, Mr. Basco. Now we'll dispense with the yes or no answers. Just tell the court, how do you know that you were standing on Michigan Boulevard? I'm ready to sign on a lamppost. You were in the middle of the street at eight o'clock at night and you were able to read that small sign. That's right. I'm looking at a good eyesight. If your eyes are so good, tell the court what else you saw written on that lamppost. Curve your dog. So, Mr. Basco, you can see pretty well, eh? Your Honor, this witness claims he read my client's license plates with lightning like rapidity at eight o'clock in the evening. Now, I have an eye shot right here and I'd like to duplicate those same conditions to test this man's eyesight. Your Honor, may I have the light in the courtroom, Lord? What do you want, Your Honor? The condition is granted. The black will lower the lights. Luigi, it's gonna be too dark. Shh. Now then, Mr. Basco, I'm holding up this eye shot. Can you see me? Yes, I'm a seal. All right. Try reading the top letter. E. Next line. DX. Oh, that's very good. Now, Your Honor, in order for this witness to have been able to read my client's license plates at night, he should be able to read the bottom line of this chart. Mr. Basco, read the bottom line, please. This chart was made in a union shop. I object. Well, I object. What do you object to? I object to you. Pleasure. Pleasure. Sure, sir. Pleasure. Please sit down. Your Honor, that man's remarks are incompetent and irrelevant. You are incompetent. I'll have fun with your thanks. I request a five-minute recess. Recess granted. Brought adjourned for five minutes. Luigi, my friend, I hope we didn't make trouble for you. Well, gee, Mr. Basco, what have they got to do to you? I jumped in Yemen. Hey, that lawyer is such a big yerk. Please, everybody, if you don't mind, go away for a second. I've got something important to talk over with Luigi. Come here, my little pumpkin head. Basco, what's going to happen to me? Oh, your friends are really fixing you up. Luigi, are you bringing your razor with you? Razor? Why? I think as soon you're going to have to shave your head and your leg. But, Basqually, is it going to be chilly? Well, you're going to sit down. Is it going to be hot? Basqually, the chair, how do you know? Well, I'm not going to say anything, but just before a man in a gray uniform is a safe to me, is a Luigi AC or DC. Come on, Mummy. Basqually, please, save me. Save me, save me. Well, I might be able to help you. Amendment 16 is to say you can keep out of jail if you marry an American citizen. Basqually, are you going to marry me, too? No! My daughter Rosa. What do you say, little man? You give in? Basqually, I give up. That's a fine, that's a fine. I'm going to call it a happy bride. Rosa! Hello, Luigi. Closer to Luigi, your face has almost touched your hands. What are you going to do? During the recess, the defendant has decided to throw himself upon the mercy of the court. He has entered a plea of guilty. Hey, Dad, you're pleased to have only given me a chair? Mr. Basqually, I noticed that you've been behaving very nervously during the trial, and really, there was no need to. You had nothing to fear because you performed your duty as an exemplary citizen. I want to thank you for appearing. May I add, I wish we had more citizens like you. I judge you thank you, thank you. From the bottom up to my heart, I thank you. As only one thing is the biggest sorrow for me is I'm not the citizen. Oh, yes, about that. Your night school teacher Miss Spalding called me and I've taken care of everything. The Department of Immigration will set aside another day so you can come down for your first paper. Everybody, everybody come over to my delicatessen. The Knotriost is on the house. And judge you honor, I got a little request. You can make a marriage, you know? Yes. Good, then we'll make this a big day. You marry Luigi and my daughter Rosa. Well, well, is this so, Mr. Basqually? Are you the happy bridegroom? I'm at the bridegroom. Luigi, you promise? All right, Mr. Basqually. Mr. Basqually, do you have the ring? I'm wearing it already, judge! Shut up! And do you have the marriage license? I'm always the kind of marriage license, a judge. See, if you say honor to Rosa and to whom it may concern. Well, we'll change it to Rosa and Luigi Basqually. All right, my children, if you step up to the bench, I'll perform the ceremony. My, my, my. Now I'd like some volunteers from the court. I'll need two people to witness the wedding. Mr. Basqually, everybody has left the court. I can't perform the ceremony. I hate to say this, but it seems as if you have no friends. Judge your honor, I've got plenty of friends. The kind of friends who run away when you need them. Money to my son! Goodbye! We're at the same time over most of these stations when Luigi Basqually writes another letter to his mama Basqually describing his adventures in America. Wife with Luigi is a Cy Howard production and is written by Mack Benhoff and Lou Derman and stars J. Carol Nash as Luigi Basqually with Alan Reed as Fasqually. Be sure to tune in over most of these same CBS network stations every Friday night to hear Leave It to Joan. Yes, Joan Davis has moved her department store troubles to Friday night to join the CBS Laugh lineup. Remember, Leave It to Joan every Friday on CBS. Tune in, tune in this fall for the shows that you love best of all. Listen carefully, here's the address. It's CBS, CBS. And now stay tuned for Carlos Archer whose adventures follow immediately over most of these stations. This is CBS, the Columbia Blood Casting System.