 Chapter 49 of Adam Bede This is a LibriVox Recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Adam Bede by George Elliott Chapter 49 at the Hall Forum The first autumn or afternoon sunshine of 1801, more than 18 months after that parting of Adam and Arthur in the Hermitage, was on the yard at the Hall Farm. And the bulldog was in one of his most excited moments, for it was that hour of the day when the cows were being driven into the yard for their afternoon milking. No wonder the patient beasts ran confusedly into the wrong places, for the alarming din at the bulldog was mingled with more distant sounds, which the timid feminine creatures with pardonable superstition imagined also to have some relation to their own movements. With the tremendous crack at the wagoner's whip, the roar of his voice, and the booming thunder at the wagon, as it left the rigged yard empty of its golden load. The milking of the cows was a sight Mrs. Poiser loved, and at this hour on mild days she was usually standing at the house door with her knitting in her hands in quiet contemplation, only heightened to a keener interest when the vicious yellow cow, who had once kicked over a pale full of precious milk, was about to undergo the preventive punishment of having her hind legs draped. Today, however, Mrs. Poiser gave but had divided attention to the arrival of the cows, for she was in eager discussion with Dinah, who was stitching Mr. Poiser's shirt collars, and had borne patiently to have her thread broken three times by Totty pulling at her arm with the sudden insistence that she should look at baby. That is, at a large wooden doll with no legs and a long skirt, whose bald head, Totty, seated in her small chair at Dinah's side, was caressing and pressing to her fat cheek with much fervour. Totty is larger by more than two years' growth than when you first saw her, and she has on a black frock under her pinafore. Mrs. Poiser, too, has on a black gown, which seems to heighten the family likeness between her and Dinah. In other respects, there is little outward change now discernable in our old friends, or in the pleasant house place, bright and polished oak and pewter. I never saw the light to you, Dinah, Mrs. Poiser was saying, when you've once took anything into your head, there's no more moving you than the rooted tree. You may say what you like, but I don't believe that's religion, for what's the sermon on the mount about, as you also find a reading to the boys, but doing what other folks ought to have you do. But if it was anything unreasonable they wanted you to do, like taking your cloak off and giving it to them, or letting them slap you in the face, I daresay you'd be ready enough. It's only when, one you'd have, you do what's plain common sense, and good for yourself, as you're obstinate the other way. Nah, dear aunt, said Dinah, smiling slightly, as she went on with her work, I'm sure your wish you'd be a reason for me to do anything that I didn't feel it was wrong to do. Wrong, you drive me past fearing, what is there wrong, I should like to know, I staying along with your own friends, as are the happier for having you with them, and are willing to provide for you. Even if your work didn't more nor pay him for the bit of sparrows victual, you eat and the bit of rag you put on. And who is it, I should like to know, as you're bound to help and comfort in the world, more law your own flesh and blood, and me, the only aunt you've got above ground, and am brought to the brink of the grave, welly every winter as comes. And there's the child that sits beside you, you'll break her little heart when you go, and the grandfather not been dead a twelve month, and your uncle, who'll miss you so as never was, alighting his pipe and waiting on him, and now I can trust you with the butter, and have all the trouble of teaching you. And there's all the sowing to be done, and I must have the strange girl out of treadles on to do it, and all because you must go back to that bare heap of stones as the very crows fly over and won't stop at. Dear Aunt Rachel said diner, looking up in Mrs. Coise's face, it's your kindness makes you say I'm useful to you. You don't really want me now. For Nancy and Molly are clever at their work, and you're in good health now, by the blessing of God, and my uncle is over cheerful countenance again, and you have neighbours and friends, not a few, some of them come to sit with my uncle almost daily. Indeed, you will not miss me, and at Snowfield there are brethren and sisters in great need who have none of those comforts you have around you. I feel that I am called back to those amongst whom my lot was first cast. I feel drawn again towards the hills where I used to be blessed in carrying the word of life to the sinful and desolate. You feel, yes, said Mrs. Coise, returning from a parenthetic glance at the cows. That's always the reason on to sit down with when you're going to do anything contrary. What do you want to be preaching for more than you're preaching now? Don't you go off, for Lord knows where, every Sunday, a preaching and praying. And haven't you got Methodists and now a Treadles on to go and look at if church folks faces are too handsome to please you? And isn't there them in this parish as you've got underhand, and they're like enough to make friends with old Harry again as soon as your back's turned? There's that Bessie Cronage. She'll be flaunting in new thinary three weeks after you're gone. I'll be bound. She'll no more go on in her new ways without you than a dog will stand on its hind legs when there's nobody looking. But I suppose it doesn't matter so much about folks' souls in this country, else you'd be for staying with your own aunt. For she's none so good that what you might help her to be better. There was a certain something in Mrs. Poiser's voice just then, which she did not wish to be noticed. So she turned round hastily to look at the clock and said, See there, it's tea time, and if Martin's in the rickyard he'll like a cup. Here, Totty, my chicken, let mother put your bonnet on, and then you go out into the rickyard and see if father's there. And tell him he mustn't go away again without coming to have a cup of tea, and tell your brothers to come in too. Totty trotted off in her flapping bonnet, while Mrs. Poiser set out the bright oak table and reached down the teacups. You talk of them girls, Nancy and Molly, being clever in their work. She begun again. It's fine talking, they're all the same, clever or stupid. One can't trust them out of one sight a minute. They want somebody's eye on them constant, if they're to be kept to their work. And suppose I'm ill again this winter, as I was the winter before last. Who's to look after them then, if you're gone? And there's that blessed child, something sure to happen to her. They'll let her tumble into the fire, or get at the kettle with the boiling lard in it. Or something mischief, as you'll lane her for life, and it'll be all your fault, Dinah. Aunt, said Dinah, I promise to come back to you in the winter, if you're real. Don't think I will ever stay away from you, if you're in real want of me. But indeed, it is needful for my own soul, that I should go away from this life of ease and luxury, in which I have all things too richly to enjoy. At least, that I should go away for a short space. No one can know but myself what are in my inward needs, and the besetments I am most in danger from. Your wish for me to stay is not a call of duty, which I refuse to harken to because it is against my own desires. It is a temptation that I must resist. Lest the love of the creature should become like a mist in my soul, shutting out the heavenly light. It passes my cunning to know what you mean by ease and luxury, said Mrs. Poiser, as she cut the bread and butter. It's true there's good victual enough about you, as nobody shall ever say I don't provide enough and to spare. But if there's ever a bit of odds and ends as nobody else would eat, you're sure to pick it out. But look there, there's Adam Bede, a caring, the little one in. I wonder how it is he's come so early. Mrs. Poiser hastened to the door for the pleasure of looking at her darling in a new position, with love in her eyes but reproof on her tongue. O, for the shame, Totty, little girls of five-year-old should be ashamed to be carried. Why, Adam, she'll break your arm, such a big girl as that. Set her down, for shame. No, no, said Adam. I can lift her with my hand. I've no need to take my arm to it. Totty, looking as serenely unconscious over a mark as a fat white puppy, was set down at the door-place, and the mother enforced a reproof with a shower of kisses. Your surprise to see me at this hour of the day, said Adam. Yes, but come in, said Mrs. Poiser, making way for him. There's no bad news, I hope. No, nothing bad, Adam answered, as he went up to Dinah and put out his hand to her. She had laid down her work and stood up, instinctively as he approached her. A faint blush died away from her pale cheek as she put her hand in his and looked up at him timidly. It's an errand to you, brought me, Dinah, said Adam, apparently unconscious that he was holding her hand all the while. Mother's a bit ailing, and she set her heart on your coming to stay the night with her, if you'll be so kind. I told her I'll call and ask you as I came from the village. She overworked herself, and I can't persuade her to have a little girl to help her. I don't know what's to be done. Adam released Dinah's hand, as he ceased speaking, and was expecting an answer. But before she had opened her lips, Mrs. Poiser said, Look there now. I told you there was folks and out to help in this parish, without going further off. There's Mrs. Bede, getting an old and casualty as can be, and she won't let anybody but you go and eye her hardly. The folks at Snowfield have learnt by this time to do better without you, nor she can. I'll put my bonnet on and set off directly. If you don't want anything done first, aunt, said Dinah, folding up her work. Yes, I do want something done. I want you to have your tea, child. It's all ready, and you'll have a cup, Adam, if you're on it in too big a hurry. Yes, I'll have a cup, please, and then I'll walk with Dinah. I'm going straight home, for I've got a lot of timber valuations to write out. Why, Adam, lad, are you here? said Mr. Poiser, entering warm and coatless, with the two black-eyed boys behind him, still looking as much like him as two small elephants are like a large one. How is it we've got sight of you so long before foddering time? I came on an errand for mother, said Adam. She's got a touch of her old complaint, and she wants Dinah to go and stay with her a bit. Well, we'll spare her for your mother a little while, said Mr. Poiser, but we want to spare her for anybody else, only her husband. Husband, said Marty, who was at the most prosaic and neutral period at the boyish mine. Why, Dinah hasn't got a husband? Spare her, said Mrs. Poiser, placing a seed cake on the table, and then seating herself to pour out the tea. But we must spare her, it seems, and not for her husband, neither, but for her own megrums. Tommy, what are you doing to your little sister's doll, making the child naughty, when she'd be good if you'd let her? You shall have a morsel of cake if you behave so. Tommy, with truly brotherly sympathy, was amusing himself by turning dolly skirt over her bald head, and exhibiting her truncated body to the general scorn, an indignity which cut Tommy to the heart. What do you think, Dinah's been telling me, since dinnertime, Mrs. Poiser continued, looking at her husband. Ah, I'm poor, and I'm guessing, said Mr. Poiser. Why, she means to go back to Snowfield again, and work in the mill and starve herself, as she used to do, like a creature as has got no friends. Mr. Poiser did not readily find words to express his unpleasant astonishment. He only looked from his wife to Dinah, who had now seated herself beside Tottie, as a ball walk against brotherly playfulness, and was busying herself with the children's team. If he had been given to making general reflections, it would have occurred to him that there was certainly a change come over Dinah, for she never used to change colour, but, as it was, he merely observed that her face was flushed at that moment. Mr. Poiser thought she looked the prettier for it. It was a flush no deeper than the petal of a monthly rose. Perhaps it came because her uncle was looking at her so fixably, but there is no knowing, for just then, Adam was saying, with quiet surprise, why, I hope Dinah was settled among us for life. I thought she'd given up the notion of going back to her old country. Thought, yes, said Mrs. Poiser, and so would anybody else have thought, as had got their right end upwards. But I suppose you must be a Methodist to know what a Methodist will do. It's ill-guessing what the bats are flying after. Why, what have we done to you, Dinah, as you must go away from us, said Mr. Poiser, still pausing over his teacup. It's like breaking your word, well if your aunt never had no thought that you'd make this your home. Nah, uncle, said Dinah, trying to be quite calm. When I first came, I said it was only for a time, as long as I could be of any comfort to my aunt. Well, and who said you'd ever left off being a comfort to me, said Mrs. Poiser. If you didn't mean to stay with me, you'd better never have come. Them as have never had a cushion don't miss it. Nah, nah, said Mr. Poiser, who objected to exaggerated views. Thee mustn't say so. We shouldn't have been ill off without her. Lady Day was a twelve month. We must be thankful for that, whether she stays or not. But I kind of think what she might leave a good home for, to go back in the country where the land. Most aunt isn't worth ten shillings and acre, rent and profits. Why, that's just the reason she wants to go. As far as she can give a reason, said Mrs. Poiser. She says this country's too comfortable, and there's too much to eat, and folks aren't miserable enough. And she's going next week. I can't turn her, say what I will. It's always the way with them meek face people. You may as well pal to bag a feathers as talk to them. But I say it isn't religion to be so obstinate. Is it now, Adam? Adam saw that Dinah was more disturbed than he had ever seen her by any matter relating to herself. And anxious to relieve her, if possible, he said, looking at her affectionately. Nah, I can't find fault with anything Dinah does. I believe her thoughts are better than our guesses. Let them be what they may. I should have been thankful for her to stay among us, but if she thinks well to go, I wouldn't cross her or make it hard to her by objecting. We owe her something different to that. As it often happens, the words intended to relieve her were just too much for Dinah's acceptable feelings at this moment. The tears came into the grey eyes too fast to be hidden, and she got up hurriedly, meaning it to be understood that she was going to put on her bonnet. Mother, what's Dinah crying for? said Totty. She isn't an orly doll. These got a bit too far, said Mr. Poiser. We have no right to interfere with her doing as she likes, and needs to be as angry as could be with me if I said a word against anything she did. Because you very like befinding fault without reason, said Mrs. Poiser. But there's reason in what I say, else I shouldn't say it. It's easy talking to them as can't love her so well as her own aunt does. And me got so used to her. I shall feel as uneasy as a new sheared sheep when she's gone from me, and to think of her leaving a parish where she so looked on. There's Mr. Irwin makes as much of her as if she was a lady, for all her being a Methodist, and with that maggot approaching in her head. God forgive me if I'm in the wrong to call it so. I, said Mr. Poiser, looking to coast. But thee doesn't tell Adam what he said to thee about it one day. The Mrs. was saying, Adam, as the preaching was the only fault to be found with Dinah, and Mr. Irwin says, but you mustn't find fault with her for that, Mrs. Poiser. You forgot she's got no husband to preach to. I answer for it. You give Poiser many a good sermon. The parson had thee there, Mr. Poiser added, laughing unctuously. I told Bartle-Massie on it, and he laughed too. Yes, it's a small joke, says men laughing when they sit a-staring at one another with a pipe in their mouths, said Mrs. Poiser. Give Bartle-Massie his way, and he'd have all the sharpness to himself. If the sharp cutter had the making of us, we should all be straw, I reckon. Totty, my chicken, go upstairs to cousin Dinah and see what she's doing and give her a pretty kiss. This errand was devised for Totty as a means of checking certain threatening symptoms about the corners of her mouth. For Tommy, no longer expectant of cake, was lifting up his eyelids with his four fingers and turning his eyeballs towards Totty in a way that she felt to be disagreeably personal. You're rare and busy now, are you, Adam? said Mr. Poiser. Burge is getting so bad with his asthma. It's well if you'll ever do much writing about again. Yes, we've got a pretty bit of building on hand now, said Adam. What with the repairs on the estate and the new houses at Treadleston? I'll bet a penny that new house Burge is building on his own bitter land is for him and Mary to go to, said Mr. Poiser. He'll be forlaying his business soon. I'll worry and be wanting you to take it to all and pay him so much by the year. We shall see you living on the hill before another 12 months over. Well, said Adam, I should like to have the business in my own hands. It isn't as I mind much about getting any more money. We've enough and to spare now, with only our two selves and mother. But I should like to have my own way about things. I could try plans then, as I can't do now. You get on pretty well with the new steward, I reckon, said Mr. Poiser. Yes, yes, he's a sensible man enough, understands farming, he's carrying on the drainy and all that capital. You must go someday towards the stony shy side and see what alterations they're making, but he's got no notion about buildings. You can so seldom get hold of a man as can turn his brains to more nor one thing. It's just as if they wore blinkers, like the horses, and could see nothing of one side of them. Now, there's Mr. Irwin, has got notions of building more nor most architects. For as for the architects, they set up to be fine fellows, but the most of them don't know where to set a chimney, so as it shunned be quarreling with the door. My notion is, a practical builder that's got a bit of taste makes the best architect for common things, and I've ten times the pleasure in seeing after the work when I've made the plans myself. Mr. Poiser listened with an admiring interest to Adam's discourse on building, but perhaps it suggested to him that the building of his corn roof had been proceeding a little too long without the control of the master's eye. For when Adam had done speaking, he got up and said, Well, lad, old bid you goodbye now, for I'm off to the rickyard again. Adam rose too, for he saw Diner entering, with her bolted on and a little basket in her hand proceeding by Totty. You're ready, I see, Diner, Adam said, so we'll set off. For the sooner I'm at home, the better. Mother, said Totty, with her treble pipe. Diner was saying her prayers and crying ever so. Hush, hush, said the mother. Little girls mustn't chatter. Whereupon the father, shaking with silent laughter, said Totty on the white deal table and desired her to kiss him. Mr. and Mrs. Poiser, you perceive, had no correct principles of education. Come back tomorrow if Mrs. B doesn't want you, Diner, said Mrs. Poiser. But you can stay, you know, if she's ill. So when the good-byes had been said, Diner and Adam let the whole farm together. Adam did not ask Diner to take his arm when they got out into the lane. He had never yet done so, often as they had walked together, for he had observed that she never walked arm in arm with Seth, and he thought perhaps that kind of support was not agreeable to her. So they walked apart, though side by side, and the close spoke of her little black bonnet hit her face from him. You can't be happy then to make the whole farm your home, Diner, Adam said, with the quiet interest of a brother who has no anxiety for himself in the matter. It's a pity seeing they're so fond of you. You know, Adam, my heart is as their heart, so far as love for them and care for their welfare goes, but they are in no present need. Their sorrows are healed, and I feel that I am called back to my old work, in which I found a blessing that I have missed of late in the midst of too abundant worldly good. I know it is vain thought to flee from the work that God appoints us for the sake of finding a greater blessing to our own souls, as if we could choose for ourselves where we shall find the fullness of the divine presence instead of seeking it where alone it is to be found in loving obedience. But now I believe I have a clear showing that my work lies elsewhere, at least for a time. In the years to come, if my aunt's health should fail, or she should otherwise need me, I shall return. You know best, Diner, said Adam. I don't believe you'd go against the wishes of them that love you and are akin to you, without a good and sufficient reason on your own conscience. I've no right to say anything about my being sorry. You know well enough what cause I have to put you above every other friend I've got. And if it had been ordered so that you could have been my sister and lived with us all our lives, I should have counted it as greatest blessing as could happen to us now. But Seth tells me there's no hope of that. Your feelings are different, and perhaps I'm taking too much upon me to speak about it. Diner made no answer, and they walked down in silence for some yards till they came to the stone-style, where, as Adam had passed through first and turned round to give her his hand while she mounted the unusually high step, she could not prevent him from seeing her face. It struck him with surprise, for the gray eyes, usually so mild and gray, had the bright uneasy glance which accompanies suppressed agitation and the slight flush on her cheeks, with which she had come downstairs, was heightened to a deep rose-color. She looked as if she were only sister to Diner. Adam was silent with surprise and conjecture for some moments, and then he said, I hope I've not hurt or displeased you by what I've said, Diner. Perhaps I was making too free. I know wish different from what you seem to be best, and I'm satisfied for you to lift thirty-mile off if you think it right. I shall think of you just as much as I do now, for you're bound up with what I can no more help remembering than I can help my heart beating. Poor Adam, thus do men blunder. Diner made no answer, but she presently said, Have you heard any news from that poor young man, since we last spoke of him? Diner always called Arthur so. She had never lost the image of him as she had seen him in the present. Yes, said Adam. Mr. Irvine read me a part of a letter from him yesterday. It's pretty certain they say that there'll be peace soon, though nobody believes it'll last long, but he says he doesn't mean to come home. He's no heart for it yet, and it's better for others that he should keep away. Mr. Irvine thinks he's in the right not to come. It's a sorrowful letter. He asks about you and the poisers as he always does. There's one thing in the letter cut me a good deal. You can't think what an old fellow I feel, he says. I make no schemes now. I'm the best when I have a good day's marcher fighting before me. He's of a rash, warm-hearted nature, like a sow, for whom I have always felt great pity, said Diner. That meeting between the brothers, where a sow is so loving and generous and Jacob so timid and distrustful, notwithstanding his sense of the divine favor, has always touched me greatly. Truly I have been tempted sometimes to say that Jacob was of a mean spirit, but that is our trial. We must learn to see the good in the midst of much that is unlovely. Ah, said Adam, I like to read about Moses' best in the Old Testament. He carried a hard business well through, and died when other folks were going to reap the fruits. A man must have courage to look at his life sow and think what'll come of it after he's dead and gone. A good dollar bit of work lasts. If it's only laying a floor down, somebody's the better for it being done well besides the man as does it. They were both glad to talk of subjects that were not personal, and in this way they went on till they passed the bridge across the Willowbrook when Adam turned around and said, Ah, here, Seth, I thought he'd be home soon. Does he know of your going, Diner? Yes, I told him last Sabbath. Adam remembered now that Seth had come home much depressed on Sunday evening, a circumstance which had been very unusual with him of late for the happiness he had in seeing Diner every week seemed long to have outweighed the pain of knowing she would never marry him. This evening he had his habitual air of dreamy benign contentment until he came quite close to Diner and saw the traces of tears on her delicate eyelids and eyelashes. He gave one rapid glance at his brother, but Adam was evidently wiped outside the current of emotion that had shaken Diner. He wore his everyday look of unexpected calm. Seth tried not to let Diner see that he had noticed her face and only said, I'm thankful you're come, Diner, for mother's been hungering after the sight of you all day. She began to talk of you the first thing in the morning. When they entered the cottage, Lisbeth was seated in her armchair, too tired was setting out the evening meal, attached she always performed a long time beforehand to go and meet them at the door as usual when she heard the approaching footsteps. Come, child, these come at last, she said, when Diner went towards her. What does mean by leaving me a week and there and coming to nigh me? Dear friend, said Diner, taking her hand, you're not well, if I'd known it sooner I'd have come. And how's thee to know if these does not come? The lads don't know that I tell them. As long as you can stir hand and foot, the men think you're hearty, but I'm not so bad, only a bit of cold sets me aching. And the lads tease me so that somebody with me to do the work. They make me ache worse than with talking. If these come and say with me, they'd let me alone. The poisers cannot want thee so bad as I do. But take thy bonnet off and let me look at thee. Diner was moving away, but Lisbeth held her fast while she was taking off her bonnet and looked at her face as one looks into a newly gathered snowdrop to renew the old impressions of purity and gentleness. What's the matter with thee, said Lisbeth, an astonishment? Thee's been a-crying. It's only a grief that'll pass away, said Diner, who did not wish just now to call forth Lisbeth's remonstrances by disclosing her intention to leave Hayslope. You shall know about it shortly. We'll talk of it tonight. I shall stay with you tonight. Lisbeth was pacified by this prospect, and she had the whole evening to talk with Diner alone, for there was a new room in the cottage, you remember, built nearly two years ago in the expectation of a new inmate. And here Adam always sat when he had writing to do, or plans to make. Sith sat there too this evening, for he knew his mother would like to have Diner all to herself. There were two pretty pictures on the two sides of the wall in the cottage. On one side there was the broad-shouldered, large-featured, hearty old woman in her blue jacket and buff kerchief. With her dim-eyed, anxious looks turned continually on the lily face and the slight form in the black dress that were either moving lightly about in helpful activity, or seated close by the old woman's armchair, holding her withered hand. With eyes lifted up towards her to speak a language with Lisbeth understood far better than the Bible or the hymn book. She would scarcely listen to reading to all tonight. Nay, nay, shut the book, she said. We won't talk. I won't know what these crying bout has got troubles of thy own like other folks. On the other side of the wall there were the two brothers so like each other in the midst of their unlikeness. Adam, with knit brows, shaggy hair and dark vigorous color, absorbed in his figuring. Sith, with large rugged features, the close copy of his brothers, but with thin, wavy brown hair and blue dreamy eyes, as often as not looking vaguely out the window instead of at his book. Although it was a newly bought book, Wesley's abridgement of Madame Guillaume's life, which was full of wonder and interest for him. Sith had said to Adam, Can I help thee with anything in here tonight? I don't want to make a noise in the shop. No lad, Adam answered, There's nothing but what I must do myself. These got thy new book to read. And often with Sith with quite unconscious, Adam, as he paused after drawing a line with his ruler, looked at his brother with a kind smile dawning in his eyes. He knew of the lad like to sit full of thoughts he could give no account of. They'd never come to anything, but they made him happy. And in the last year or so, Adam had been getting more and more indulgent to Sith. It was part of that growing tenderness which came from the sorrow at work within him. For Adam, though you see him quite master of himself, working hard and delighting in his work after his inborn inalienable nature, had not outlived his sorrow, had not felt it slip from him as a temporary burden, and leave him the same man again. Do any of us, God forbid, it will be a poor result of all our anguish and our wrestling if we want nothing but our old selves at the end of it. If we could return to the same blind loves the same self-confident blame, the same light thoughts of human suffering, the same frivolous gossip over blighted human lives, the same feeble sense of that unknown towards which we have sent forth irrepressible cries in our loneliness. Let us rather be thankful that our sorrow lives in us as an indestructible force, only changing its form as forces do and passing from pain into sympathy. The one poor word which includes all our best insight and our best love. Not that this transformation of pain into sympathy had completely taken place in Adam yet, there was still a great remnant of pain and this he felt would subsist as long as her pain was not a memory, but an existing thing, which he must think of as renewed with the light of every new morning. But we get accustomed to mental as well as bodily pain without, for all that, losing our sensibility to it. It becomes a habit of our lives and we cease to imagine a condition of perfect ease as possible for us. Desire is chased and into submission and we are contented with our day when we have been able to bear our grief and silence and act as if we were not suffering. For it is at such periods that the sense of our lives having visible and invisible relations beyond any of which either our present or prospective self is the center, grows like a muscle that we are obliged to lean on and exert. That was Adam's state of mind in the second autumn of his sorrow. His work, as you know, had always been part of his religion and from very early days he saw clearly that good carpentry was God's will, was that form of God's will that most immediately concerned him. But now there was no margin of dreams for him beyond this daylight reality, no holiday time in the working-day world, no moment in the distance when duty would take off her iron glove and breastplate and clasp him gently to interrests. He conceived no picture of the future but one made up of hard-working days such as he lived through with growing consentment and intensity of interest every fresh week. Love, he thought, could never be anything to him but a living memory, a limp lobbed off but not gone from consciousness. He did not know that the power of loving was all the while gaining new force within him, but the new sensibilities bought by a deep experience were so many new fibres by which it was possible made necessary to him that his nature should intertwine with another. Yet he was aware that common affection and friendship were more precious to him than they used to be, that he clung more to his mother and self and had an unspeakable satisfaction in the sight or imagination of any small addition to their happiness. The poisers, too, hardly three or four days passed but he felt the need of seeing them and interchanging words and looks of friendliness with them. He would have felt this probably even if Daina had not been with them but he had only said the simplest truth of telling Daina that he put her above all other friends in the world. Could anything be more natural? For in the darkest moments of memory the thought of her always came as the first ray of returning comfort. The early days of gloom at the Hall Farm had been gradually turned into soft moonlight by her presence and in the cottage, too, for she had come at every spare moment to soothe and cheer poor Lisbeth who had been stricken with a fear that subdued even her quarrellessness at the sight of her darling Adam's grief-worn face. He had become used to watching her like quiet movements by her pretty loving ways to the children when he went to the Hall Farm to listen for her voice as for her current music to think everything she said and did was just right and could not have been better. In spite of his wisdom he could not find fault with her for her indulgence of the children who had managed to convert Daina the preacher before whom a circle of rough men had often trembled a little into inconvenient household slaves though Daina herself was rather ashamed of this weakness and had some inward conflict as to her departure from the precepts of Solomon. Yes, there was one thing that might have been better that she might have loved Seth and consented to marry him. He felt a little vexed for his brother's sake and he could not help thinking regretfully how Daina, as Seth's wife, would have made their home as happy as it could be for them all how she was the one being that would have soothed their mother's last days into peacefulness and rest. It's wonderful she doesn't love the lad Adam's had said sometimes to himself. For anybody you'd think he was just cut out for her but her heart's so taken up with other things. She's one of those women that feel no drawing towards having a husband and children of their own. She thinks she should be filled up with her own life then and she's been used so to living in other folks' care she can't bear the thought of her heart being shut up from them. I see how it is well enough. She's cut out of different stuff from most women. I saw that long ago. She's never easy but when she's helping somebody the marriage would interfere with her ways. That's true. I have no right to be contriving at thinking at a bit better if she'd have Seth as if I was wiser than she is or than God either for he made her what she is and that's one of the greatest blessings I've ever had from his hands and others beside me. The self-reproof had recurred strongly to Adam's mind when he gathered from Daina's face that he had wounded her by referring to his wish that she had accepted Seth and so he had endeavored to put into the strongest words his confidence in her decision as right his resignation even to her going away from them and seizing to make part of their life otherwise than by living in their thoughts if that separation were chosen by herself. He felt sure she knew quite well enough how much he cared to see her continually to talk to her with the silent consciousness of a mutual great remembrance. It was not possible she could hear anything but self-renouncing affection and respect in his assurance that he was contented for her to go away and yet there remained an uneasy feeling in his mind that he had not said quite the right thing that somehow Daina had not understood him. Daina must have risen a little before the sun the next morning for she was downstairs about five o'clock so with Seth for the list of obstinate refusal to have any woman help her in the house he had learned to make himself, as Adam said, very handy in the housework that he might save his mother from too great wariness on which ground I hope you will not think him on manly any more than you can have thought the gallant callable bath of manly when he made the gruel from his invalid sister. Adam, who had set up late at his writing, was still asleep and was not likely, Seth said, to be down till breakfast time. Often as Daina had visited Lisbeth during the last eighteen months she had never slept in the cottage since that night after Theus' death when, you remember, Lisbeth praised her deft movements and even gave her a modified approval to her porridge. But in that long interval Daina had made great advances in household cleverness and this morning since Seth was there to help she was bent on bringing everything to a pitch of cleanliness and order that would have satisfied her unpoiser. The cottage was far from that standard at present for Lisbeth's rheumatism had forced her to give up her old habits of dilettante scouring and polishing. When the kitchen was to her mind Daina went into the new room where Adam had been writing the night before to see what sweeping and dusting were needed there. She opened the window and let in the fresh morning air and the smell of the sweet briar and the bright, low-slanting rays of the early sun which made a glory about her pale face and pale, auburn hair as she held the long brush and swept singing to herself in a very low tone like a sweet summer murmur that you have to listen for very closely one of Charles Wesley's hymns. Eternal beam of light divine fountain of unexhausted love in whom the fathers' glory shine through earth beneath and heaven above. Jesus, the weary wanderer's rest give me thy easy yoke to bear with steadfast patience arm my breast with spotless love and holy fear speak to my warring passions, peace and to my trembling heart be still, thy power, my strength and fortress is for all things serve thy sovereign will. She laid by the brush and took up the duster and if you had ever lived in Mrs. Poiser's household you would know how the duster behaved in Daina's hand how it went into every small corner and on every ledge in and out of sight how it went again and again round every bar of the chairs and every leg and under and over everything that lay on the table till it came to Adam's papers and rulers and the open desk near them. Daina dusted up to the very edge of these and then hesitated looking at them with a longing but timid eye. It was painful to see how much duster was among them. As she was looking in this way she heard Seth's step just outside towards which her back was turned and said raising her clear trouble Seth is your brother wrathful when his papers are stirred. Yes, very. When they are not put back in the right places said a deep strong voice not Seth's. It was as if Daina had put her hands unawares on a vibrating cord. She was shaken with an intense thrill and for the instant felt nothing else. Then she knew her cheeks were glowing and dared not look round and stood still distressed because she could not say good morning in a friendly way. Adam finding that she did not look round so as to see the smile on his face was afraid she had thought him serious about his wrathfulness and went up to her so that she was obliged to look at him. What, you think him a cross fellow at home, Daina, he said smileily? Nay, said Daina looking up with timid eyes, not so, but you might be put about by finding things meddled with even the man Moses, the meekest of men with wrathful sometimes. Come then, said Adam, looking at her affectionately. I'll help you move the things and put them back again and then they can't get wrong. You're getting to be your on-sown niece I see for particularness. They began their little tasks together but Daina had not recovered herself sufficiently to think of any remark and Adam looked at her uneasily. Daina, he thought, had seemed to disapprove him somehow lately. She had not been so kind and open to him as she used to be. He wanted her to look at him and be as pleased as he was himself with doing this bit of playful work but Daina did not look at him. It was easy for her to avoid looking at the tall man. And when at last there was no more dusting to be done and no further excuse for him to linger near her, he could bear it no longer and said in rather a pleading tone, Daina, you're not displeased with me I've not said or done anything to make you think ill of me. The question surprised her and relieved her by giving a new course to her feeling. She looked up at him now quite earnestly almost with the tears coming and said, oh no Adam how could you think so? I couldn't bear you not to feel as much a friend to me as I do to you, said Adam and you don't know the value I set on the very thought of you Daina that was what I meant yesterday when I said I'd be content for you to go if you thought right I meant the thought of you was worth so much to me I should feel I ought to be thankful and not grumble if you see right to go away. You know I do mind parting with you Daina. Yes dear friend, said Daina trembling but trying to speak calmly I know you have a brother's heart towards me and we shall often be with one another in spirit but at this season I am in heaviness through manifold temptations you must not mark me. I was called to leave my kindred for a while but it is a trial the flesh is weak Adam saw that it pained her to be obliged to answer I hurt you by talking about it Daina he said I'll say no more let's see if Seth's ready to have breakfast now that is a simple scene reader but it is almost certain that you too have been in love and perhaps even more than once though you may not choose to say so to all your feminine friends you will no more think the slight words the timid looks the tremulous touches by which two human souls approach each other gradually like two little quivering rain streams before they mingle into one you will no more think these things trivial than you will think the first detected signs of coming spring trivial though they be but a faint indescribable something in the air and in the song of the birds and the tiniest perceptible budding on the hedgerow branches those slight words and looks and touches are part of the soul's language and the finest language I believe is chiefly made up of unimposing words such as light, sound, stars, music words really not worth looking at or hearing in themselves any more than chips or sawdust it is only that they happen to be the signs of something unspeakably great and beautiful I am of opinion that love is a great and beautiful thing too and if you agree with me all the signs of it will not be chips and sawdust to you they will rather be like those little words light and music stirring the long winding fibers of your memory and enriching your present with your most precious past End of Chapter 50 Recording by Jeanette Washington DC Chapter 51 of Adam Bede This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recorded by Jeanette Washington DC Adam Bede by George Elliott Chapter 51 Sunday Morning Lisbeth's touch of rheumatism could not be made to appear serious enough to detain Dinah another night from the whole farm now she had made up her mind to leave her on so soon and at evening the friends most part for a long while Dinah had said for she had told Lisbeth of her resolve then it will be for all my life and I shall never see thee again said Lisbeth long while and I got no long while to live and I shall be took bad and die and be can't near a common eye me and I shall die a longing for thee that had been the keynote of her wailing talk all day for Adam was not in the house and so she put no restraint on her complaining she had tried poor Dinah by returning again and again to the question why she must go away and refusing to accept reasons which seemed to her nothing but whim and contrariness and still more by regretting that she could not have one of the lads and be her daughter Dee couldn't stop put up a set she said he isn't clever enough for thee to happen but he'd have been a very good to thee he's as handy as can be at doing things for me when I'm bad and he's a fond of the Bible and chaplain as Dee Ark Dyson but happen Dee's like a husband better as isn't just a cuddle Dyson the running brook isn't an arthas for the rain Adam would have had done for thee I know he would and he might come to like thee well enough if Dee'd stop but he's a stubborn at the iron bar there's no bending him no way but zone and he'd be a fine husband for anybody be they who they will so looked on none so clever as he is and he'd be rare and lovin' it doesn't be good only a look of the lads eye when he means kind to work me Dyna tried to escape from Lisbeth's closest looks and questions by finding little tasks of housework that kept her moving about and as soon as Seth came home in the evening she put on her bonnet to go it touched Dyna keenly to say the last goodbye and still more to look around on her way across the fields and see the old woman still standing at the door gazing at her till she must have been the faintest speck in the dim aged eyes the god of love and peace be with them Dyna prayed as she looked back from the last style make them glad according to the days wherein thou hast afflicted them and the years wherein they have seen evil it is they will that I should part from them let me have no will but Dyna Lisbeth turned into the house at last and sat down at the workshop near Seth who was busying himself there with fitting some bits of turned wood he had brought from the village into a small work box which he meant to gift to Dyna before she went away they'd see her again on Sunday before she goes for her first words if thee was good of her anything they'd make her come in again on Sunday night with thee and see me once more nay mother said Seth Dyna would be sure to come again if she saw right to come I should have no need to persuade her since it would be troubling thee for not just to come in to say goodbye over again she'd near go away I know if Adam would be fond on her and marry her but everything's so contrary said Lisbeth with a burst of vexation Seth paused the moment and looked up with a slight blush at his mother's face what? has she said anything of that sort of thee mother he said in a lower tongue said nay she'll say nothing it's only the men as have to wait till folks say things before they can find them out well but what makes thee think so mother what's put into thy head it's no matter what's put it into my head my head's not so hollow as it must get in and not to put it there I know she's fond of him as I know the wind's coming at the door and that's an oof and he might be willing to marry her if he knows she's fond of him but he'll never think out today somebody does not put it into his head his mother's suggestion about Dinah's feeling toward Adam was not quite a news thought to Seth but her last words alarmed him lest she should herself undertake to open Adam's eye he was not sure about Dinah's feeling and he thought he was sure about Adam's nay mother nay he said earnestly they must not think of speaking of such things to Adam these know right to say though Dinah's feelings are if she hasn't told thee and it do nothing but mischief especially such things to Adam he feels very grateful and affectionate toward Dinah but he has no thoughts towards her that would incline him to make her his wife and I don't believe Dinah would marry him either I don't think she'll marry at all if, said Lisbeth impatiently he thinks so cause she wouldn't have be she'll never marry thee the might says well like her but wait thy brother Seth was hurt mother he said in remonstrating tone don't think that of me I should be as thankful to have her for a sister as thee would have her for a daughter I have no more thoughts about myself in that thing and I shall take it hard if ever thee say it again well well then they shouldn't to cross me with same things arena as I say they are but mother said Seth these'd be doing Dinah wrong by telling Adam what thee thinks about her I would do nothing but mischief for it would make Adam uneasy if he doesn't see her and I'm pretty sure he feels nothing of a sort and if Dinah tell me what thee's sure not thee knows nothing about it what's he likes going to the poisers for if he didn't want to see her he goes twice where he used to go once happen he knows us he wants to see her he knows I put salt in his broth and he'd be miss it pretty quick if it weren't there he'll never think of marrying if it isn't put into his head and if these any love for thy mother deeds put him up to it not let her go way out of my sight when I might have to make a bit of comfort for me before I go to bed to my old man under the light thorn nay mother said Seth thee mustn't think me unkind but I should be going against my conscience if I took upon me to say what Dinah's feelings are and besides that I think I should give offence to Adam by speaking to him at all about marrying and I counsel thee not to do it thee mayst be quite deceived about Dinah nay I'm pretty sure by words she said to me lest Sabbath that she's no mind to marry ay these does contrary as the rest of them if it were some I didn't want it would have been done fast enough Lisbeth rose from the bench at this and went out of the workshop leaving Seth as much anxiety lest she should disturb Adam's mind about Dinah he consoled himself after a time with reflecting that since Adam's trouble Lisbeth had been very timid about speaking to him on matters of feeling and that she would hardly dare to approach this tenderness to all subjects even if she did he hoped Adam would not take much notice of what she said Seth was right in believing that Lisbeth would be held in restraint by timidity and during the next three days the intervals in which she had an opportunity of speaking to Adam were too rare and short to cause her any strong temptation but in her long solitary hours she brooded over her regretful thoughts about Dinah till they had grown very near that point of unmanageable strength when thoughts are apt to take wing out of their secret nest in a startling manner and on Sunday morning when Seth went away to chapel at Treadleston a dangerous opportunity came Sunday morning was the happiest time in all the week to Lisbeth for as there was no service at Hayslow Church till the afternoon Adam was always at home doing nothing but reading an occupation in which she could venture to interrupt him Moreover, she had always a better dinner than usual to prepare for her sons very frequently for Adam and herself alone Seth being often away the entire day and the smell of the roast meat before the clear fire in the clean kitchen the clock ticking in a peaceful Sunday manner her darling Adam seated near her in her best clothes doing nothing very important she could go and stroke her hand across his hair if she liked and see him look up to her and smile like gift rather jealous poked his muzzle up between them all these things made for Lisbeth earthly paradise the book Adam most often read on Sunday morning was his large pictured Bible and this morning it lay open before him on the round white deal table in the kitchen for he sat there in spite of the fire because he knew his mother liked her and it was the only day in the week when he could indulge her in that way you would have liked to see Adam reading his Bible he never opened it on a weekday and so he came to it as a holiday book serving him for history biography and poetry he held one hand thrust between his waistcoat buttons and the other ready to turn the pages and in the course of the morning you would have seen many changes in his face sometimes his lips moved in semi-articulation it was when he came to a speech that he could fancy himself uttering such as Samuel's dying speech to the people then his eyebrows would be raised and the corners of his mouth would quiver a little with sad sympathy something perhaps old Isaac's meeting with his son touched him closely at other times over the New Testament a very solemn look would come upon his face and he would every now and then shake his head in serious ascent or just lift up his hand and let it fall again and in some warnings when he read in the Apocrypha of which he was very fond the son of Syruc's keen edged words would bring a delighted smile though he also enjoyed the freedom of occasionally differing from an apocrypha writer for Adam knew the articles quite well as became a good churchman Lisbeth in the pauses of attending to her dinner always sat opposite to him and watched him till she could rest no longer without going up to him giving him a caress to call his attention to her this morning he was reading the gospel according to St. Matthew and Lisbeth had been standing close by him for some minutes stroking his hair which was smoother than usual this morning and looking down at the large page with silent wonderment at the mystery of letters she was encouraged to continue this caress because when she first went up to him he had thrown himself back in his chair to look at her affectionately and say mother, thee looks rare and hearty this morning hey, jib wants me to look to him he can't abide to think I love thee the best Lisbeth said nothing because she wanted to say so many things and now there was a new leaf to be turned over and it was a picture that of the angel seated on the great stone that had been rolled away from the sepulchre this picture had one strong association in Lisbeth memory for she had been reminded of it when she first saw Dinah and Adam had no sooner turned the page and lifted the book sideways that they might look at the angel then she said, that's her, that's Dinah Adam smiled and looking more intently at the angel's face said, it is a bit like her but Dinah's prettier I think well then if he thinks her so pretty why aren't fond of her? Adam looked up to surprise why mother, does't think I don't sit stored by Dinah Lisbeth frightened her on courage yet feeling that she had broken the ice and the waters must flow whatever mischief they might do what's the use of sitting stored by things that are 30 miles off if thee was fond enough of her thee wouldn't still let her go away but I have no right to hinder her if she thinks well said Adam looking at his book as if he wanted to go on reading he foresaw a series of complaints tending to nothing Lisbeth sat down again in the chair opposite to him as she said but she wouldn't think well if thee wasn't so contrary Lisbeth dared not venture beyond a vague phrase yet contrary mother Adam said looking up again in some anxiety what have I done? what does that mean? why thee never looked at nothing nor think of nothing but they figure in and thy work said Lisbeth half crying and thus think thee can't go on so all thy life as if thee wasn't a man cut out of timber and what would do when thy mother's gone and nobody to take care on thee as thee gets a bit of virtual comfortable in the morning what has gotten thy mind mother and said Adam vexed at his whimpering I cannot see what thee's driving at is there anything I could do for thee as I don't do I in that there is thee minds do as I should have had somebody with me to comfort me a bit and wait on me when I'm bad and be good to me whose fault is it there isn't some tidy body in the house to help thee it isn't by my wish as thee has to stroke a work to do and we can afford it I've told thee often enough it'd be a deal better for us hey what's the use of talking a tidy body when thee means to one the wenches out of the village or somebody from treadles on as I never said I in my life I'd sooner make a shift and get into my own coffin before I die nor have folks to put me in Adam was silent and tried to go on reading that was the utmost severity he could show towards his mother on a Sunday morning but Lisbeth had gone too far now to check herself and after scarcely a minute's quietness she began again thee might know well enough who tis I'd like to have with me it isn't many folks I sent for to come and see me I reckon and thee's had the fetchin' on her times no thee means dine a mother I know Adam but it's no you setting thy mind on what can't be if dine I'd be willing to stay at Heyslope it isn't likely she can come away from her aunt's house where they hold her like a daughter and where she's more bound than she is to us if it had been so that she could have married Seth that would have been a great blessing to us but we can't have things just as we like in this life thee must try and make up thy mind to do without her nay but I cannot make up my mind she's just cut out for thee and not shall make me believe as God didn't make her and sent her there a purpose for thee what's it sin if I about her being a method he did happen where out on her marion Adam threw himself back in his chair and looked at his mother he understood now what she had been aiming at from the beginning of the conversation it was as unreasonable impractical a wish as she had ever urged but he could not help being moved by so entirely knew an idea the chief point however was to chase away the notion from his mother's mind as quickly as possible mother he said greatly the talking wild don't let me hear thee say such things again it's no good talking and what can never be Diana's not from marrying she's fixed her heart in a different sort of life very like said the death impatiently very like she's not from marion when them as she'd be willing to marry wanna ask her I shouldn't have been from marion by father if he'd never asked me and she's as fond of the as ever I was with these folk her fellow the blood rushed Adam's face and for a few moments he was not quite conscious where he was his mother in the kitchen had vanished for him and he saw nothing but Diana's face turned up towards his it seemed as if there was a resurrection of his dead joy but he woke up very speedily from that dream the waking was chill and sad for it would have been very foolish in him to believe his mother's words she could have no ground for them he was prompted to express his disbelief very strongly perhaps that he might call force the proofs if there were any to be offered what does say that she thinks for mother when these got no foundation for him they knows nothing as gives the a right to say that then I know not as gives me a right to say as the years turned for all I feel as fuss thing when I get up in the morning she isn't fond of Seth I reckon is she? she doesn't more marry him but I can see as she doesn't behave toward the as she does toward Seth she makes no more of Seth's coming at night her know if he was jib but she's old of the tremble when these the sitting down by her at breakfast and looking at her these things thy mother knows not but she was believe before they was born but they can't be sure as the trembling means love said Adam anxiously it what else should it mean it isn't hate I reckon and what should she do but love thee need made to be loved and what's there as traitor cleverer man and what's it sin if I her being a method it's only a miracle in the page Adam had trust his hand in his pockets and was looking down at the book on the table without seeing any of the letters he was trembling like a gold seeker who sees a strong promise of gold he sees in the same moment a sickening vision of disappointment he could not trust his mother's insight she had seen what she wished to see and yet and yet now the suggestion had been made to him he remembered so many things very slight things like the stirring of the water by an imperceptible breeze which seemed to him some confirmation of his mother's words Lisbeth noticed that he was moved she went on and these find out as these reportedly off when she's gone these wander on her north denors thy eyes follow her about while the egypt's follow thee Adam could sit still no longer he rose took down his hat and went out into the fields the sunshine was on them that early autumn sunshine which we should know was not summers even if there were not the touches of yellow on the lime and chestnut the Sunday sunshine too which has more than autumnal calmness the working man the morning sunshine which still leaves the dew crystals on the fine gossamer webs in the shadow of the bushy hedgerows Adam needed the calm influence he was amazed at the way in which this new thought of dinas love had taken possession of him with an over mastering power that made all other feelings give way before the impetuous desire to know that the thought was true strange that till that moment the possibility of there ever being lovers had never crossed his mind and yet now all his longing suddenly went out towards that possibility he had no more doubt or hesitation as to his own wishes than the bird that flies toward the opening through which the daylight gleams and the breath of heaven enters the autumnal Sunday sunshine soothed him but not by preparing him with resignation to the disappointment if his mother if he himself proved to be mistaken about dinam it soothed him by gentle encouragement of his hopes her love was so like that calm sunshine that they seemed to make one present to him and he believed in them both alike and dinam was so bound up with the sad memories of his first passion that he was not forsaking them but rather giving them a new sacredness by loving her nay his love for her had grown out of that past it was the noon of that morning but Seth would the lad be hurt hardly for he had seemed quite contented of late and there was no selfish jealousy in him he had never been jealous of his mother's fondness for Adam but had he seen anything of what their mother talked about? Adam longed to know this for he thought he could trust Seth observation better than his mother he must talk to Seth before he went to see Dinah and with this intention in his mind he walked back to the cottage and said to his mother did Seth say anything to thee about when he was going home will he be back for dinner? I lad he'll be back for a wonder he isn't got the treadles on he's gone somewhere else a preaching and a praying asked any notion which way he's gone said Adam nay but he often goes to the common thee knows more and going on than I do Adam wanted to go and meet Seth but he must content himself with walking about the near fields and getting sight of him as soon as possible that would not be for more than an hour to come for Seth would scarcely be at home much before their dinnertime which was twelve o'clock but Adam could not sit down to his reading again and he sauntered along by the brook and stood leaning against the styles with eager intense eyes which looked as if they saw something very vividly but it was not the brook or the willows not the fields or the sky again and again his vision was interrupted by wonder at the strength of his own feeling at the strength and sweetness of this new love almost like the wonder a man feels at the added power he finds in himself for an art which he had laid aside for a space how is it that the poets have said so many fine things about our first love so few about our later love are the first poems their best or are not those the best which come from their fuller thought their larger experience their deeper rooted affections the boys flute like voice has its own spring charm but the man should yield a richer deeper music at last there was Seth visible at the farthest style and Adam hastened to meet him Seth was surprised and thought something unusual must have happened but when Adam came up his face said plainly enough that it was nothing alarming where has been said Adam when they were side by side I've been to the common said Seth I've been speaking the word to a little company of heroes at brimstones as they call him their folks has never go to church hardly them on the common but they'll go and hear Dinah a bit she's been speaking with power this 4 noon from the words I came not to call the righteous but sinners to repentance and there was a little thing happened as we pretty to see the women mostly bring their children with them but today there was one stout curly headed fellow about 3 or 4 year old that I never saw there before he was as naughty as could be at the beginning while I was praying and while he was singing but when we all sat down and Dinah began to speak the young and stout stalk still all at once and began to look at her with mouth open and presently he ran away from mother and went to Dinah and pulled at her like a little dog for her to take notice of him so Dinah lifted him up and held the lad in her lap while she went on speaking and he was as good as could be till he went to sleep and the mother cried to see him it's a pity she shouldn't be a mother herself said Adam so fond as the children are of her does think she's quite fixed against marrying Seth? does think nothing a turner? there was something peculiar in his brother's tone which made Seth steal a glance at his face before he answered it would be wrong of me to say nothing and turn her he answered but if he means to it about myself I've given up all thoughts as she can ever be my wife she calls me her brother and that's enough but does think she might ever get fond enough of anybody else to be willing to marry him? said Adam rather shyly well said Seth after him some hesitation it's crossed my mind sometimes as late as she might but Dinah would let no fondness for the creature draw her out of the path as she believed God marked out for her if she thought the leading was not from him she's not want to be brought under the power of it and she's always seen clear about that as her work was diminished her to others and make no home for herself in this world but suppose said Adam earnestly suppose there was a man who'd let her do just the same and not interfere with her she might do a good deal of that she does now just as well as when she was married as when she was single other women of her sort have married that's to say not just like her but women has preached and attended on the sick of needy there's Mrs. Fletcher as she talks of a new light had broken in on Seth he turned round and laying his hand on Adam's shoulder said why would like her to marry the brother Adam looked doubtful at Seth inquiring eyes and said would be hurt if she was to be fonder of me than of thee nay said said warmly how can't think thee have I felt thy trouble so little that I shouldn't feel thy joy there was silence a few moments as they walked on and then Seth said I'd no notion as deeds ever think of her for a wife but is it only used to think of her said Adam what's Seth say mothers made me as hardly I know where I am with what she's been saying to me this before noon she says she's sure Diana feels for me more than common and would be willing to have me if Rachel speaks without book I want to know if there's seen anything it's a nice point to speak about said Seth and I'm afraid of being wrong besides we've not right to intermeddle with people's feelings when they wouldn't tell them themselves Seth paused but thee might ask her he said presently she took no offence at me for asking and these more right than I had only deep not in the society but Diana doesn't hold with them keeping the society so strict to themselves she doesn't mind about making folks enter the society so is there fit to enter the kingdom of God some of the brethren at Treadleson are displeased with her for that where will she be the rest of the day said Adam she said she shouldn't leave the farm again today said Seth because it's her last Sabbath there and she's going to read out the big Bible with the children Adam thought but did not say then I'll go this afternoon if I go to church my thoughts will be with her all the while they must sing the anthem without me today End of Chapter 51 Recording by Jean-Matt Washington D.C. Chapter 52 of Adam Bede This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Shirley Allen Adam Bede by George Elliott Chapter 52 Adam and Dinah It was about three o'clock when Adam entered the farm yard and roused Alec and the dogs from their Sunday dozing Alec said everybody was gone to church but the young missus so he called Dinah but this did not disappoint Adam although the everybody was so liberal as to include Nancy the Dairymaid whose works of necessity were not unfrequently incompatible with churchgoing There was perfect stillness about the house the doors were all closed and the very stones and tubs seemed quieter than usual Adam heard the water gently dripping from the pump that was the only sound and he knocked at the house door rather softly as was suitable in that stillness the door opened and Dinah stood before him coloring deeply with the great surprise of seeing Adam at this hour when she knew it was his regular practice to be at church Yesterday he would have said to her without any difficulty I came to see you Dinah I knew the rest were not at home but today something prevented him from saying that and he put out his hand to her in silence Neither of them spoke and yet both wished they could speak as Adam entered and they sat down Dinah took the chair she had just left it was at the corner of the table near the window and there was a book lying on the table but it was not open she had been sitting perfectly still looking at the small bit of clear fire and the bright grate Adam sat down opposite her in Mr. Poiser's three cornered chair Your mother is not ill again I hope Adam Dinah said, recovering herself Seth said she was well this morning No, she's very hearty today said Adam happy in the signs of Dinah's feeling at the sight of him but shy There's nobody at home you see Dinah said but you'll wait you've been hindered from going to church today doubtless Yes Adam said and then paused before he added I was thinking about you that was the reason this confession was very awkward and sudden Adam felt for he thought Dinah must understand all he meant but the frankness of the words caused her immediately to interpret them to a renewal of his brotherly regrets that she was going away and she answered calmly Do not be careful and troubled for me Adam I have all the things in a bound at Snowfield and my mind is at rest for I'm not seeking my own will in going but if things were different Dinah Adam said hesitatingly if you knew things that perhaps you don't know now Dinah looked at him inquiringly but instead of going on he reached a chair and brought it near the corner of the table where she was sitting she wondered and was afraid and the next moment her thoughts flew to the past was it something about those distant unhappy ones that she didn't know? Adam looked at her it was so sweet to look at her eyes which had now a self-forgetful questioning in them for a moment he forgot that he wanted to say anything or that it was necessary to tell her what he meant Dinah he said suddenly taking both her hands in his I love you with my whole heart and soul I love you next to God who made me Dinah's lips became pale like her cheeks and she trembled violently under the shock of painful joy her hands were cold as death between Adams she could not draw them away because he held them fast Don't tell me you can't love me Dinah Don't tell me that we must part and pass our lives away from one another the tears were trembling in Dinah's eyes and they fell before she could answer but she spoke in a quiet low voice Yes, dear Adam, we must submit to another will we must part Not if you love me Dinah Not if you love me, Adam said passionately Tell me Tell me if you can love me better than a brother Dinah was too entirely reliant on the supreme guidance to attempt to achieve any end by a deceptive concealment She was recovering now from the first shock of emotion and she looked at Adam with simple sincere eyes as she said Yes, Adam, my heart is drawn strongly towards you and of my own will, if I had no clear showing to the contrary I could find my happiness in being near you and ministering to you continually I fear I should forget to rejoice and weep with the others Nay, I fear I should forget the divine presence and seek no love but yours Adam did not speak immediately They sat looking at each other in delicious silence For the first sense of mutual love excludes other feelings It will have the soul all to itself Then Dinah, Adam said at last How can there be anything contrary to what's right in our belonging to one another and spending our lives together? Who put this great love into our hearts? Can anything be holier than that? For we can help one another and everything is as good I'd never think of putting myself between you and God and saying you oughtn't to do this and you oughtn't to do that You'd follow your conscience as much as you do now Yes, Adam, Dinah said I know marriage is a holy state for those who are truly called to it and have no other drawing In childhood upwards I have been led towards another path All my peace and my joy have come from having no life of my own no wants, no wishes for myself and living only in God and those of His creatures whose sorrows and joys He has given me to know and I feel that if I was to listen to any voice that would draw me aside from that path I should be turning my back on the light that has shone upon me and darkness and doubt would take hold of me We could not bless each other, Adam, if there were doubts in my soul and if I yearned when it was too late after that better part which had once been given to me and I had put away from me But if a new feeling has come into your mind, Dinah and if you love me so as to be willing to be nearer to me than to other people, isn't that a sign that it's right for you to change your life? Doesn't the love make it right when nothing else would? Adam, my mind is full of questionings about that For now, since you tell me of your strong love towards me what was clear to me has become dark again I felt before that my heart was too strongly drawn towards you and that your heart was not as mine and the thought of you had taken hold of me so that my soul had lost its freedom and was becoming enslaved to an earthly affection which made me anxious and careful about what should befall myself For in all other affection I had been content with any small return or with none but my heart was beginning to hunger after an equal love from you and I had no doubt that I must wrestle against that as a great temptation and the command was clear that I must go away But now, dear, dear Dinah now you know I love you better than you love me It's all different now You won't think of going You'll stay and be my dear wife and I shall thank God for giving me my life I have never thanked him before Adam, it's hard to me to turn a deaf ear You know it's hard But a great fear is upon me It seems to me as if you were stretching out your arms to me and beckoning me to come and take my ease and live for my own delight And Jesus, the man of sorrows was standing looking towards me and pointing to the sinful and suffering and afflicted I have seen that again and again when I have been sitting in stillness and darkness and a great terror has come upon me lest I should become hard and a lover of self and no more bear willingly to the Redeemer's Cross Dinah had closed her eyes and a faint shudder went through her Adam, she went on You wouldn't desire that we should seek a good through any unfaithfulness to the light that is in us You wouldn't believe that could be a good We are of one mind in that Yes, Dinah, said Adam, sadly I'll never be the man to urge you against your conscience But I can't give up the hope that you may come to see different I don't believe your loving me could shut up your heart It's only adding to what we've been before not taking away from it For it seems to me it's the same with love and happiness as with sorrow The more we know of it, the better we can feel what other people's lives are or might be And so we shall only be more tender to him and wishful to help him The more knowledge a man has, the better he'll do his work and feelings a sort of knowledge Dinah was silent Her eyes were fixed in contemplation of something visible only to herself Adam went on presently with his pleading And you can do almost as much as you do now I won't ask you to go to church with me of a Sunday You shall go where you like among the people and teach them For I like church best, but I don't put my soul above yours as if my words was better for you to follow than your own conscience And you can help the sick just as much and you'll have more means to make and I'm a bit comfortable and you'll be among all your own friends as love you and can help them and be a blessing to them till their dying day Surely Dinah, you'd be as near to God as if you was living lonely and far away from me Dinah made no answer for some time Adam was still holding her hands and looking at her with almost trembling anxiety when she turned her grave-looking eyes on his and said in a rather sad voice Adam, there's truth in what you say and there's many of the brethren and sisters who have greater strength than I have and find their hearts enlarged by the cares of a husband and kindred but I have not faith that it would be so with me for since my affections have been set above measure on you I have had less peace and joy in God I have felt as it were a division in my heart Think how it is with me Adam That life I have led is like a land I have trodden in blessedness since my childhood and if I long for a moment to follow the voice which calls me to another land that I do not know I cannot but fear that my soul might hear after yearn for that early blessedness which I had forsaken and where doubt enters there is not perfect love I must wait for clearer guidance I must go from you and we must submit ourselves entirely to the divine will we are sometimes required to lay our natural lawful affections on the altar Adam dared not plead again for Dinah's was not the voice of caprice or insincerity but it was very hard for him his eyes got dim as he looked at her but you may come to feel satisfied to feel that you may come to me again and we may never part Dinah we must submit ourselves Adam with time our duty will be made clear it may be when I have entered on my former life I shall find all these new thoughts and wishes vanished and become as things that were not then I shall know that my calling is not towards marriage but we must wait Dinah said Adam mournfully you can't love me so well as I love you else you'd have no doubts but it's natural you shouldn't for I'm not so good as you I can't doubt it's right for me to love the best thing God's ever given me to know nay Adam it seems to me that my love for you is not weak for my heart waits on your words and looks almost as a little child waits on the help and tenderness of the strong on whom it depends if the thought of you took slight hold of me I should not fear that it would be an idol in the temple but you will strengthen me you will not hinder me in seeking to obey the uttermost let's go out in the sunshine Dinah and walk together I'll speak no word to disturb you they went out and walked towards the fields where they would meet the family coming from church Adam said take my arm Dinah and she took it that was the only change in their manner to each other since they were last walking together but no sadness in the prospect of her going away in the uncertainty of the issue could rob the sweetness from Adam's sense that Dinah loved him he thought he would stay at the Hall Farm all that evening he would be near to her as long as he could hey, Day, there's Adam along with Dinah, said Mr. Poiser as he opened the far gate into the home close I couldn't think how he happened to be away from church why, at a good Martin after a moment's pause what does think has just jumped into my head someone has had not far to jump for it's just under our nose you mean as Adam's fond of Dinah? I has ever had any notion of it before to be sure I have, said Mrs. Poiser who always declined if possible to be taken by surprise I'm not one of those who can see the cat in the dairy and wonder what she's come after they never said a word to me about it well, I aren't like some bird clapper forced to make a rattle the wind blows on me I can keep my own counsel when there's no good in speaking but Dinah'll have none of him thus to think she will nay, said Mrs. Poiser not sufficiently on her guard against possible surprise she'll never marry anybody if he isn't a Methodist and a Cripple it'll have been a pretty thing though for him to marry said Martin turning his head on one side as if in pleased contemplation of his new idea these I liked it too, wouldn't ya? oh, I should I should have been sure of her then as she wouldn't go away from me to Snowfield welly 30 mile off and me not got a creature to look to, only neighbors as are no kin to me and most of them women as I'd be ashamed to show my face if my dairy things were like their there may well be streaky butter in the market and I should be glad to see the poor thing settled like a Christian woman with a house of her own over her head and we'd stalk her well with linen and feathers for I love her next to my own children and she makes one feel safer when she's in the house for she's like the driven snow anybody might sin for two has had her at their elbow Dinah said Tommy running forward to meet her mother says you'll never marry anybody but a Methodist Cripple what a silly you must be a comment which Tommy followed up by seizing Dinah by both arms and dancing along by her side with the incomodious fondness why Adam we missed you in the singing today said Mr. Poiser how was it I wanted to see Dinah she's going away so soon said Adam ah, lad can you persuade her to stop somehow find her a good husband somewhere in the parish if you'll do that we'll forgive you for missing church but anyway she isn't going before the harvest supper Wednesday and you must come then there's a Bartle Massey coming and Happen Craig you'll be sure and come now at seven the Mrs. wouldn't have it a bit later I said Adam I'll come if I can but I can't often say what I'll do beforehand for the work often holds me longer than I expect you'll stay till the end of the week Dinah yes yes said Mr. Poiser we'll have no nay she's no call to be in a hurry observed Mrs. Poiser scarce as a victim will keep there's no need to be hasty with the cookin and scarce as is what there's the biggest stalker in that country Dinah smiled but gave no promise to stay and they talked of other things through the rest of the walk lingering in the sunshine to look at the great flock of geese grazing at the new corn ricks at the surprising abundance of fruit on the old pear tree Nancy and Molly having already hastened home side by side each holding carefully wrapped in her pocket handkerchief a prayer book in which she could read little beyond the large letters in the amans surely all other leisure is hurry compared with the sunny walk through the fields from afternoon church as such walks used to be in those old leisurely times when the boat gliding sleepy along the canal was the newest locomotive wonder when Sunday books had most of them old brown leather covers and opened with remarkable precision always to one place leisure is gone gone where the spinning wheels are gone and the pack horses and the slow wagons and the peddlers who brought bargains to the door on sunny afternoons ingenious philosophers tell you perhaps that the great work of the steam engine is to create leisure for mankind do not believe them it only creates a vacuum for eager thought to rush in even idleness is eager now eager for amusement prone to excursion trains art museums periodical literature and exciting novels prone even to scientific theorizing and cursory peeps through microscopes old leisure was quite a different personage he only read one newspaper innocent of leaders and was free from that periodicity of sensations which we call post time he was a contemplative rather stout gentleman of excellent disposition of quiet perceptions undiseased by hypotheses happy in his ill ability to know the causes of things preferring of things themselves he lived chiefly in the country among pleasant seats and homesteads and was fond of sauntering by the fruit tree wall and sending the apricots when they were warmed by the morning sunshine or of sheltering himself under the orchard boughs at noon when the summer pears were falling he knew nothing of weekday services and thought none the worse for the Sunday sermon if it allowed him to sleep from the text to the blessing liking the afternoon services best because the prayers were the shortest and not ashamed to say so for he had an easy jolly conscience broad-backed like himself and able to carry a great deal of beer or port wine not being made squeamish by doubts and qualms and lofty aspirations life was not a task to him but a sign cure he fingered the guineas in his pocket and ate his dinners and slept the sleep of the irresponsible or had he not kept up his character by going to church on Sunday afternoons fine old leisure do not be severe upon him and judge him by our modern standard he never went to Exeter Hall or heard a popular preacher or read the Tracks for the Times or Sartorid Stardis End of chapter 52