 Goo Goo, Gla Gah. Ha, that's for all my babies out there. Hey, what's up babies? I hope that you're doing well. Listen, I am an artist. I've made a lot of art in my day. You know, I've covered myself in glue. I have done other things. And one of the things that I've done, which also happens to be my most popular video on the tube, as we call it, us creators, us artists. I forgot what I was saying. My most popular video is me revealing ADHD toys, fidget toys. You fidget with them, and you go, ooh, ooh, it's fidgety. Ooh, it makes me, ooh. But that's my most popular video. What if these became my most popular video? Oh! So today, I have a bag full of babies toys, toys for babies. Some of them make noise. So I'm going to be reviewing these toys, seeing if they can withstand the test of a man, a big strong man like me. I don't remember any baby toys from when I was growing up, because when I was a baby, I wasn't sentient yet. Do you remember any baby toys from when you were a baby? I bet not. And if you say yes or a liar, you're not making memories then. Don't fucking lie to me. OK, first toy. This is Cube Play Center. Loads of fun activities. I need a big manly knife for this. First toy. Here we go. Cube Play Center. Enhances motor skills and development. Also, because people will probably get mad, these toys are not going to get thrown away after, unless I destroy them. They will be donated to places or friends or family. So OK. Here we go, first toy. Here we go. It's like a Christmas morning. Here we go. Look at this kid. These idiots, they didn't remember. They did a horizontal flip, but they didn't put the care in to photoshop the letters back around. I guess it's a baby. They're not going to know if that's correct. You don't know what I'm fucking reading yet, idiots. Is something wrong? What we got in there is. Now, our batteries included. They always do this. I guess it makes sense, because it's a child's toy. But they always put the fucking screws in here. Ah. Oh, yeah, the torque. What the fuck wrong with three? How can they found a more efficient way to power things at this point? You know, I think they should have found something. All right. What does this do? Enhances motor skills. Let's find out. So we've got some, oh, oh, that's cool. So you can, you can, well, you really got to use a lot of power. I don't know if anybody's going to have enough torque for that. Then we've got this little guy over here. We've got an on and an off. Oh, I should turn this on. Oh, it's a busy spider. What song is that? That's a new, that's a remix of the original. That's not the original song. That's not how that goes. We've got a goddamn vehicle over here. Get out of the way, fuckers. What is this? Oh, it's for this. But what are these for? What is this? Abacus? What? Two, three, four, five. This is poorly designed. This can't get around this. This can't get around this. Why would you design it in such a poor way? How am I supposed to get these out? This goes here. It's also, nope. That's how I feel at the end of the day. I go, there's a little mirror over here. Can you see myself? Can you see yourself? Wow, look at you, huh? All right, yeah, this is dice. I can select different songs. I don't know that song. Yeah, this is fine. My motor skills are pretty off the charts, though. So I don't know if it enhanced them at all. But for any fucking dumb babies out there, I guess it would help. Next toy. Just rubbing the jing around in my sack. I want to be the little gamer. This is sick. Sixty plus songs, sounds, tones, and phrases. Becoming the next highscorer requires a lot of green. Nope. Requires a lot of button pressing. Like a lot. Guess there's only one thing to do. Play to win. The green wasn't even in the paragraph. Batteries included on this bad boy. Thin ice was that one. That was very close. Who is this, Fisher Price? Nintendo's gonna sue the fuck out of you. That was really pretty close to the Mario theme. I would watch it a little bit. You can make like a chip tune kind of like song without it being that close to the Mario thing. It's Tetris on the side. Isn't that fun? It just is lit up. This one was a little disappointing. I get it, it's for babies. It's the copyright infringement that really did me in. It's just, there's nothing here. You know, they are trying to manipulate the gamers of the future. You know, that's what this is. And I won't have it. Whoever's editing, put it up on the tier list. Whoever you want, I don't care. We didn't put the last one up. Put that wherever too. Okay, next toy. Now this is a classic. Me and my pals used to ride these babies for miles. I don't know what, what is this called? Stack of circles. Okay, cool. All you do is you take it off. There's some of these guys. Ooh, it's textured. Oh man, this one's really hard. This is pretty soft. You get a whole lot of different, and you know, they're babies, right? A lot of different mouth feels on this one. All right, this seems a little rough for a baby. I don't think a baby's teeth, you know, baby's teeth aren't as, aren't as fit as mine. So, this one too. These two could really put you in a heap of trouble with the good old Dr. Dentist. So be careful with these because they're very hard. You might chip one of your baby's brand new teeth. I guess they don't really have teeth, do they? When did the babies get teeth? I like this kind of a, I think you know why. It's just good old-fashioned fun. You could sit me down with this for hours. There's really no limit to what you can do with this. And that's the beauty of art, right? So you could, what they want you to do, what big ring wants you to do, all right, is what I just did, the good old stack, all right? These, they don't give a shit at all. But you can take them all off. And one, you have a bludgeoning tool, okay? But two, you can take these and you can put them in any which way you want. Isn't that nice? Isn't that the beauty of what it's all about? When George Washington and the forefathers made the Declaration of Independence, they made the Ten Commandments or whatever it was. This is what they had in mind, the freedom to choose, the freedom to make your own destiny, you know? Nobody can tell you how to live your life, okay? And these ring people, they really know that. 10 out of 10 for this guy. You know, it's simple. They're not trying too hard. All these baby toy companies these days, they try way too hard, you know? They try with their little gamers. Get out of here, the fuck yourself. The O-Ball Shaker, listening and fine motor skills. Make sure to give your child a shook to open their toys. Let's see, listening, fine motor skills, easy to grasp toy, fun rattle sound, BPA free O-Ball technology. This is for zero months plus. So right straight out of the womb, you can get this O-Ball toy. A nice jingle jangle. See, the balls in there are so light. It's like shaking a grain of rice. So we've got these little guys here, right? And a nice grip in the center. So if you get two of these, you can do dumbbell brunch presses with them. And really get the chest moving. Make sure their elbows are coming down nice and even. And you can really start to go. You can also do some curls. Get your baby to do curls, okay? You can have them do curls in the mirror making sure that they're checking their form. There's no BPA, so no BPA will be going into my mouth. Okay, doesn't taste like BPA to me. Are they the ones that did the oil spill? I'm a grown man, right? I'd say that that's pretty hard to get into my mouth, which I guess is good for a child because you don't want them choking on it because they don't know what's food and what's not because they're fucking stupid. It's a good mouthfeel. I think babies really like to do this kind of shit all the time. It's good, you know? And it's, oh, wow. Oh, it rolled away. Like this is, it's got bounce. There's many different applications for this. Oh, you can really test your child's hand-to-hand eye coordination with this. You can start doing some drills with them right away, okay? So they're ready for whatever the world throws at them. That was very good. I really enjoyed that. We're down to our final few toys, I think. Oh, this is the teether pillar from Baby Einstein. This is made for teething. Nothing quite beats that, all right? Gotta say, nothing like a boob. But for someone who's teething, it's just good. It just, it just hits different. You've also got the things inside to rattle and roll. You've got soft on top, hard on the bottom so the baby can grasp it with its fucking hand. It's got glasses on. So, you know, teaching the kids young, it's okay if you have glasses, all right? You shouldn't be made fun of. You have big old glasses, all right? The only thing I'm thinking, and maybe some science YouTuber, like C'mon, Greg, or Michael Reeves can make kind of some sort of robot to test the durability of this. You know the old saying of like, how many licks does it take to get to the center of the Tootsie Pop? How many chews will it take to break this seal? And they say that it's just water inside, but it's not, they put vodka in this. I would put vodka in this. You get a good jaw workout so you can get that nice bicycle seat face that everyone wants so you can fucking look like Timothy Chalamet when you grow up. So, if you want your kid to be Timothy Chalamet, just get him one of these in a pack of new ports. I like that, I like that. Put it up, thank you. Next, toy. Crab toy. This is crab toy. Crab toy, baby drawstring fun puzzle. Ultra textured drawcord. They've got these. Everyone loves these things. These little pop guys, right? And then there's a big one in the center, that's cool. Tactile exploration, cyclic correspondence, movement principle, puzzle game. Okay, so we've got these guys in the back, so. You're able to pull them all through. And each one has a different feel to it. Wow, you know, the elasticity is good. It seems stretchy but durable, you know? It seems like I could really give a good yank on this. Now, obviously I'm much stronger than a baby. It can withstand the Gs of the fighter jet engine. This is good, this is built to last, I think. Ooh, good idea. It's a good all around toy, I think. Here's the question, is it gonna get boring after a few minutes? This seems like the filler episode of toys. You know, where it's just, it's gonna be all right, it's gonna be okay, but it's not gonna be at the top shelf in the toy box, you know? Good with friends, I think, you can tug. Teaches you about crabs, not so bad. Great, next. The surprise, again. Coming in with the toy. Player tip, press the face buttons for retro sci-fi or action SFX. Take play time to the next level. Think you've got what it takes? Who are they talking to? Who are they talking to? Think you've got what it takes? This is for a baby, they can't read. You think the baby's going, oh, this sounds fucking dope. The baby doesn't know, even if the baby were to read this or be read, they wouldn't know. Shut up. All right, Fisher Price. What's this called? Game and learn controller. It's a decent analog stick. There's nice tension there. Nice and clicky. Nice. Now the keys feel pretty good. D-pad's a little stiff. We've got a little switch down here. Ergonomics of the controller, it's a little, you know, it's not great in the hand while I think it's trying to, you know, take from the Xbox 360 legacy with the design of the controller. I think it falls flat in many areas. The guy in the center is a piece of shit and I think they should take them off the controller. Now I just don't think that a kid's gonna have fun with this. How much were these toys? If it was over $10, I'm gonna ride it in the street. $6. $6? Okay, great. I don't like it, but price shut up. It's a stupid toy. Next toy. There's one real big box in here. This might be the last one. Last. I'm glad that I have this facing me because my address is right on here. The extra saucer door jumpers suck. This is the king of all baby toys. This goes in between the door, I assume. This goes in between my ass, I assume. What is this rated for, do you think? It's pretty strong. How's it look? It's working. It's working well. I'm so afraid. I'm gonna, hold on, stay here. My name is Ethan Nester and this is the baby bounce boy. That's in, I'm afraid. It's holding my whole weight quite well. Quite well. I'm 152 pounds, probably 154, maybe 155 with this helmet. And it's holding my weight well. It can hold me. The harness were bigger, it would be able to hold me. What did you think of the toys, huh? What did you think? Did you think that they were good? It was that shit. Don't say that. Well, tested out some baby's toys and I was thoroughly impressed for the most part. I didn't like the Fisher Price Gamer ones. I thought, too much pandering. To whoever makes these, if someone could make this for a real boy to hold up at least 200 pounds, at least 200 pounds, I would love it so much. It would be so much fun. Why are you back in the way so far? I think it's time for me to go. But did you have a good time? Oh, good. Well, I'll see you very soon. And you know, I hope you're not a disappointment and then your parents get divorced. That'll be your, have a good one everyone.