 Hey Tony Gastons here I'm shooting this video to go live on live just to get this video up so that I don't have to shoot it and then upload it so if you're seeing that you're just seeing a live recording and it's probably it's almost four o'clock where I am and so if y'all happen to pop on here it's just a live recording it's not really a live it's not really a it's not a Q&A or anything but it's something I want to speak on because I'm getting ready to head to speak to a team and I'm going to speak to a college sports team and this team only this team is almost all black I think they have one white player the team is almost all black and when I spoke to them I could tell that nobody had ever said the things to them that I said to them and I told them I'm gonna come back and I'm gonna talk to you again and I went back and I talked to them again and I think they were shocked that I came back and I talked to them again and some of them reached out to me and sent me messages and it's another team I worked with that they almost all black males as well and I think that's what is triggering a lot of people it's too it's it's two sides of the aisle when I talk to people who they are on a trajectory about money they focus on their money they try to get their money up they understand totally what Dion Sanders is doing by leaving Jackson State University and going to Colorado but then on that other side is the people that you hear who I think they're thinking about the abandonment of young black men which they are adult men so people like hey these adults you know he didn't did this he didn't did that he didn't did this like okay he didn't did enough and it's two sides to it and I'm sitting and I'm just looking at it and reading people comments and seeing how people processing it because it helped me because just understanding people and this the thing I'm going back to work with this school and this is another school I work with it's another school I work with it's like four different schools that I don't work with this year and the teams are made up of black men young black men from high school through college and what I notice is when you talk to them you're saying stuff they've never heard but you'll be coming somebody and you're saying that you care and so if you don't show up if you don't answer the phone if you're not there then they lose hope they lose trust because for a lot of them that's what their father did the ones where the father they really don't care they really don't they appreciate you and don't appreciate you because they have a father and I noticed that with my sons because I'm in the home they don't really need the affirmation of another man like they're really not chasing after another man they're really not going to seek the council of another man because I'm in the home but it's a lot of young men who their father knocked there and us showing up it means something and this one thing that a lot of people don't admit to but when it comes to emotional intelligence women handle it very well men handle it but just because a man is solemn and just because a man is quiet and just because a man sucks it up doesn't mean just because he doesn't show you doesn't mean he's handling it well but then when you look at a lot of women who go through there's some who handle it bad but for the majority it's like you see them as single mothers and they're pressing through they're not perfect by far and then the same thing with men men are pressed through going to work still making money but you will see the men may act out in their relationship and this is what's happening today is we're seeing the adult version of abandoned boys we're seeing boys who become men and did not have a father and and and they had men who sold them a dream or told them i'm gonna be there for you i'm here i'm by your side and then those men move on with the next young man who is presenting a better opportunity or they move on with that next opportunity and so a lot of people don't know this and i won't tell a lot of people but the majority of the work i do as a speaker i'm doing it on a high level with championship programs and i'm doing it just as good as any other speaker in the industry i guarantee you that because one thing that head coaches don't like to do head coaches don't like motivational speakers especially at the division one level they vet they speak very hard and and a coach don't like to take away time from the game to talk about the mental coaches don't like that and so that's why most guys only get speak to a team one time because the coach don't like giving away all that time but then also it costs a lot of guys charging thousands and thousands of dollars but because i care about the heart of the young men that i'm impacting i don't charge i don't charge if they pay me that's because they want to pay me but i don't charge if they give me something it's because they want to give it to me but i don't charge because i don't want the money to get in the way of me reaching this young man's life because i know that i have reached tens of millions of people as a black man without a college degree without a team without a mentor so i believe when i'm sitting in front of these young men who are athletes and they have the edge that athletes have that when the game is over and they go into the real world if i was a college athlete who was lazy and i'm doing what i'm doing it lets me know what these young men can do if they have any amount of work and that's why i go talk to them but if i charge what i'm worth if i charge the school even a thousand dollars they're not going to be able to bring me back many times if i charge them even a thousand now if i charge them what i'm worth 10 thousand 15 20 25 thousand what some of us speakers get i haven't been paid $50,000 by a company to speak for five minutes so speakers get paid well and so somebody may say oh i got paid 125,000 but you spoke an hour so when i got paid 50,000 to speak five minutes you look at how many times five minutes go into 60 minutes and then you see that really was a 300,000 dollar check essentially for an hour speech and i don't charge the schools because i'm more concerned about reaching the young men and i prayed to god and god gave me another way to make a living so that my purpose my passion don't have to be just about the check and that's why i try to help other speakers to like create other streams of income so that your heart is really in what you're doing and you are there to impact the lives and i put it on my twitter but this is how men are this is how men are and women and women always ask these questions about men why aren't men growing i put it on my twitter if you are a coach of young men college it's college coaches division one coaches that follow me high school coaches that follow me i say if you are a coach and you have a team and y'all don't have a team mentor reach out to me and i'll do a zoom with y'all or i'll fly in and speak to your team i got over 300,000 followers on twitter i think it's been one coach that roping think it's been one coach that wrote me that just reminded me i need to reach back out to him because he had a hbcu been one coach that reached out to me and a lot of people liked it a lot of people retweeted but here you got a successful black man but see the men so many men that this are a problem they think that oh if you didn't play in the nfl if you didn't play in the nba what you're gonna tell my players uh i'm gonna tell them how to be a man because the game of life is way more important than a sport i played sports my whole life i played football in college that does not equate to life life will destroy you life will life will mess you up life don't ask you for permission to do nothing to you life will give you what it want to give you and the problem what you see you hear this term arrested development i don't even know what it means but it sounds like what it means but it's so many men especially black men because when we come up we are only affirmed as athletes and that's why you notice so many music artists are smaller and comedians a lot of them are smaller you see kevin heart is five four because it's not a lot of options as black men so if you're too small to play a sport then they say well you need to make music or you need to tell jokes but we're not taught how to start a business we're not taught how to get into the service industry regularly enough or we have too much pride and ego for that's why you a lot of rappers are smaller because the sports weren't working out so they had to go to music but what's happening with the athletes is they're going in there playing a sport and they're being praised and they're being utilized for their body but then as soon as that sport is over they're being discarded and they're being treated like trash and imagine the psychological warfare and imagine what happens in the mind when you've been used for your body and now that you are done for you get thrown to the wayside but along this time these college coaches have been taking your time for 40 hours a week or the pro coaches been taking your time well pro different because you're getting paid but in college and high school you're giving all this time and the coaches 99% of coaches don't take 30 minutes a week to teach these young men about life about a credit score about a LLC about savings about relationships about how to handle tough times they only talk X's and O's for the game and they're not being respected or seen as humans they're being seen as a product by most programs and that's why I go and work with the programs I work with because the coaches they want to give more and they want to treat their players like people and not just athletes and that's what the issue is so a lot of people don't understand why there's people who are mad a lot of people don't understand why some people mad with Deon Sanders for leaving Jackson state the reason why the people that's mad I get it because it's business you got to elevate I get it and and one thing I've learned as I started to climb I learned never judge a person until you walking in their shoes a lot of people have a comment about what to say or what to do but until you in that person shoes you cannot see from their vantage point that you have no idea so that's why I do my best not to judge and but a lot of people are mad with Deon because of the abandonment trigger it's triggering that abandonment response that we have from being given a promise and we take that that promise is forever we take that that promise is for a long time but that promise like in that situation for Deon I think was three years so it's it's gonna be guys in there who they're about a bag and they're about building a brand and they're about elevation they're gonna get it but then that the whole room of guys who they're not going pro but yet they could have went and played for another division one school but they came to Jackson state for Deon Sanders and now there's no room for them at Colorado because they're not that good but they was good enough to play at UCF or USF or Georgia Tech but they went to Jackson state for Deon Sanders trying to give to the HBCU and now he going to a predominantly white institution those group of young men they're gonna they crush I already know it because I work with them I work with them they crush and so they're looking at it like they just they took a look at it like you know hey this you told this was my promise like I see you as a father figure so the what they looking at it they're looking at it like their father is saying hey I met a woman who got a bigger booty and made more money and prettier than your mama and if I don't elevate eventually your mama gonna leave me so I got to go get this other woman that's how I guarantee you half of those young men looking at and it's gonna be something to come out vocal and say no I ain't tripping it's cool I get it no it ain't no issue all of that and but again that's another thing black men not gonna tell the truth black men not gonna get online and show hurt and show pain and show vulnerability they're gonna get out and say okay I get it and another thing that black men don't do especially black men with influence is black men don't hold black men accountable so no black men that have a following is saying it's talking about that other side they basically saying hey elevate a going to the next level a going to the next best thing and a lot of those men that saying that are the same type of men that will leave a wife over something petty for a woman who prettier or for a woman who make more money or for a woman who got more connections and that's the thing and and the thing about it is I see both sides I ain't mad at Dion I'm just empathizing with the young men who I know don't understand it and I know what they feeling because I'm dealing with these young men and they a lot of time they came wrap their head around you've done enough a lot of time they came wrap their head around oh you came and you did this and you did this and this and this because they want you they want they want that male figure in their life forever and people could say oh well the men could still be there for the for the young men people could say that but you only got so much time in the day like right now I had to go out of town with my son with my son I got a tv show that I'm filming they said Tony we want you to film on Monday I say I can't be there on Monday because my son is going to be in California playing soccer my son actually broke his arm on Sunday I had nowhere to know that was going to happen so now I don't push the tv show back they pushed it back to Thursday today is Wednesday a black man reached out to me and say hey we need you my team need you I'm serving the team for free but he reached out to me because I gave him my word so I got off a red out flight this morning at six o'clock I went home and I slept for a few hours got to bed at 10 10 a.m woke up 1 a.m had to go to the barbershop to get a half cut at three had to have the the mobile covid test come to me to test me at the barbershop and I had to pay my driver all day just so I could do this right here instead of driving and shooting the video and because I'm tired so I got my driver driving me today and I'm getting ready I'm pulling up to the school right now to speak to the team because I gave him my word and I told him that I come back and I'm doing it for free but guess what I'll keep going straight right over yep it's straight in um it's straight and it's this parking lot to the left and and you you'll see that name uh yeah go go up to uh can you turn in at that next yeah yeah right here where this orange thing yeah um to the left right here I think this is and because I gave him my word I gave him a word and then but guess what it was a black man that reached out to me to come talk to his black players these young black men and then we go straight ahead and park up at the end and then but while I'm coming here another young black man that I met who wants to do what I do reached out to me and say hey do you have yeah straight ahead right here in this parking lot where we at so see what this black SUV and yeah we'll go right over there who he want to do what I do and he said hey do you have time to talk to me I said hey I'm getting ready to speak to a team right now but after I finish speaking to that team I should have time so here I am in in one day and 99.9% of this not shown this not this not talked about that is black man trying to help black men but what people don't understand is when a black man is given a word and then that word changes it's a lot of black men that can't recover from that because that's what their father did to him and that's why my father was in the home and because he was in in the home it taught me stand on what you stand on be there and so my mama she's an adult but he had to raise his kids and he stayed with her all the way to my sister was 18 their relationship was done after year two but not only did he stay he was healthy in the home and my mama she knew that the relationship had done went you know sour and that they weren't on the same page but he was there for me and whether that was right or wrong because some people said oh you should stay for the kids if you can't you shouldn't stay if you're going to be fussing fighting arguing and all that he stayed and was healthy he won't fight he won't argue he was a good example and so that said something to me so I said to my mom one time I said mama if I get a prostitute pregnant I am going to marry her and I'm gonna be there for my kids because if I made a choice to lay down with a woman and bring a child in this world I'm gonna stand up as a man and I'm gonna be there for my child and I'm gonna be healthy for my child and I'm gonna be an example for my child I'm not finna get a nut and run off I'm not finna get what I want and then let that child suffer and see that's what we have to realize is black men and that's what we're not doing we're running off on our sons we running off on the young black men that we done made a promise to we running off on them after we done sold them a dream and that's what's hurting and that who do you think pays a price for that their want their wife pay a price for that then they kids pay a price for that when I walk in this school and I talk to these division one athletes where some of them could go to the NBA when I talk to these young men they're gonna be shocked that it's the third time I'm coming to talk to them within two months but guess what since I don't start talking to them to them they done change their life they didn't start to work on their life they starting to work on not smoking as much not drinking as much not sleeping around as much because they're hearing something they had not heard and as men black men we gotta stop abandoning each other we gotta stop abandoning our son it's so many black men that get a woman pregnant have a son have a daughter and they just bought the sons but I'm talking about how the pain that men are causing in the world due to their pain and it's because of their daddy caused that pain and their daddy caused the pain because their daddy caused the pain and at some point the book has to stop and we gotta say I'm gonna make a change I'm no longer gonna cause pain because the pain was caused to me and this is what is happening and so we have these men who get a woman pregnant and have kids with a woman and doing the next big booty on a smile or the next big check they go and get with that woman and start treating their biological kids like they are less than treating them worse than Cinderella was treating treat them like they they step kids because they got a new booty in their life and and women always talk about how can a man do that how can a man do that because he chasing that behind he chasing that behind and let me tell you why he chasing behind he chasing behind because he is hurting and he is lost ain't making excuse for I'm explaining to you he dealing with his trauma through sex instead of through therapy when he in that woman he getting a release and that release that dopamine that oxytocin for that moment is making him forget about his daddy leaving him his daddy abusing him his mama abusing him and that's and then he will forget about his kids and forget about the fact that he's causing the same trauma if not worse to his children that was caused to him and it's a cycle and so that is why so for all the people who calling everybody a hater who is against what Dion Sanders is doing I'm here to say I get what Dion Sanders doing I understand he didn't did a lot for the school I understand is larger territory it's more influence is more money he can he can have a enough money to donate to Jackson State but the thing about it is child support the donations that's going to build a facility is not going to replace his presence in the young man life he could send enough money Colorado could build Jackson State a whole new arena could build Jackson State a whole new school and it's not going to replace the father figure that those young black men salt in him and they not going to be able to call him with a problems because he's going to have a team of a hundred new young men so you can't be there for the hundred on your team and the hundred that you left as one person you can't do it and so the people who are triggered it's not that they hating it's that they are hurting it's that their trauma response their abandonment response has been triggered and they are feeling the pain for the young men who father walked out on them and now they feel like another man is walking out on them these young men are still boys they still kids they adults by age but not by maturity and we know that most men don't even start to think about becoming a real man before the age of 25 it's men in their 60s that are still children that's still grown boys in their 60s so these young men not going to understand larger territory more resources more money generational wealth giving your son a larger platform they don't care nothing about that they can't fathom that because they've seen a father figure speaking into their life every day and i'm gonna tell you something i found out that a lot of people this is secret that a lot of coaches don't know teams do not win because of x's and o's teams win because of motivation when i stepped on a scene with a team that was a good team but had not won on a real level when i started working with that team every month that team became national champions that team set a win record that team set a ranked in the top 10 for the longest consecutive weeks ever that team set winning records because the culture changed because there was accountability because there was inspiration motivation and there was elevation so what people don't understand and this is what i'm telling black women the reason why i'm not giving up on black men even though millions of black women saying they don't like me and the reason why i'm not giving up because i understand that most men have not heard the one thing that'll change their life forever i understand that most men have not heard the one thing that'll get them to step it up that'll take them to the next level i understand that so listen to me they don't know they don't prove my life hold on one second they have proved my life so that's why i can't give up because when you hear something that you heard when you hear something that you ain't heard when you see something that you haven't seen the one thing is the it's different for every person it's different for every man but in the course of a speech it's 60 things that said and one thing speak to each person and each person may be different and that's what i have found oliver window holmes has a quote that says once the mind is stretched to a new dimension it never returns to its original form so when you become a living representation when you become a black man who can work for yourself who can earn millions of dollars or hundreds of thousands who can be married and faithful who can be a father and devoted who can travel the world and yet still be at their son's practice who can live a life that is comfortable but yet purposeful see when a black man sees that that is possible when any man sees that is possible let me tell you one thing that i found that happens after i meet men i meet so many men and after they talk to me let me tell you the next thing that happens they quit their job because they saw a possibility they say i just met a man who was black in america who does not have a mentor who does not have a team who does not have a college degree but he works for himself and what i make in a year he makes in a month they see a possibility and then they say if he can do it i can do it so i don't care if there's a million black men that are no good because they're living in a trauma in a pain and they're not getting healing i'm still going to be a representation in every aspect in every arena that i can because i know the ones who see it gonna say it's possible it's possible to be married and happy it's possible to be married and faithful it's possible to be a christian and to be happy it's possible to be a christian and to be successful it's possible to be a christian and not be delusional it's possible to be a christian and yet still relatable to a degree see when they see the possibilities it change everything hey this is Tony gasses i supposed to be here by 430 it's 420 they about to get out of practice at 430 so i need to go and wrap this on up and go and get on in there hey god bless you thank you for your time if you missed any of this watch it back drag the little button back watch it back and get the senior spirit and understand this understand this about your son understand this about your brother about your uncle about your cousin about your daddy about your granddad understand this hey god bless you we'll talk soon