 Hi folks, we have the one and only Nick Maynard with me today all the way from the West Coast. What up dude? What's going on? Oh I'm super glad that we're getting to do this finally. We have Nick should have been one of the success story videos like months ago and just just haven't had a chance to do it. So and you've been very patient like just patiently waiting for an invite which I appreciate. Yeah, I was wondering when I would get it. Yeah, yeah, now we talked about it. It's just like finally I think what day did I even talk to you this week? I don't know it might have been Monday or Sunday. I think it might have been Sunday and I'm like yeah, I think it was Sunday. Let's do that now because I don't plan shit like which is so bad but I just make it up as I go along. We're gonna do good though. So for those of you that don't know Nick, if you're watching and you're in the Facebook group you know Nick because he's one of our dedicated admins and moderators and Nick thank you for the time that you spend on that. It is sure I cannot thank you guys enough for doing what you do and I appreciate you in a big way and Nick is in the Facebook group because he started as just somebody who came to the Facebook group sort of looking for help right and and now like a whole new dude like we can barely recognize you. Yeah, it's definitely I mean I was I was on my way to recovery but finding the group kind of kick started it made me move faster towards recovery. Yeah, so I was I was kind of on my way but I was dragging my feet a little bit you know we don't like humans don't like change and you know I was so used to living that way that I was just moving really really slow and I was preventing myself from getting to where I needed to be to enjoy life again. Yeah. So what happened like what was the deal so since this is a success story unfortunately we got to hear the part that sucked so that we know the part that was a success so what's the deal like how did you wind up where you were? Well my first panic attack was when I was 19 years old and I was hanging out with a friend of mine, smoked some weed and I had a panic attack and I had smoked plenty of weed before and all of a sudden I had a panic attack you know lost my I was drawing up my hands, my time wasn't working, taken me to the hospital, went to the hospital, calmed down you know didn't even wasn't even seen went into the ER came out so that was my first one not to draw out 20 years but you know I did I probably had another five to six panic attacks but in 20 years it never really developed into a disorder but there were times where I remember there was a time where I had an allergic reaction and I ended up having to go to the ER for that and about two weeks after that I didn't leave the house because I was I didn't realize what it was but that was the kind of beginning of agoraphobia and but I ended up getting back to work and everything was fine and I'd feel anxiety from time time to time I knew I had anxiety I knew I could you know but I just lived a pretty normal life in September of 2018 I passed out at a brewery and no I wasn't drunk I had one beer and and I had eaten a little calzone and I went just started feeling light-headed went to the bathroom and I was like oh I might pass out I ended up I did pass out I hit my head when I fell and went to the ER it wasn't from anxiety um but it was they called it vasovagal yeah vasovagal response vasovagal yeah and so I got checked out everything was fine but that now my subconscious now I'm scared so I at that point I stopped going to the gym I was like well if I go to the gym I'm going to pass out again so all of a sudden I stopped doing certain things that I was doing yeah and then in October we got broken into while we were home um he didn't get into the house but it was in in the garage it was attached to the house and I ended up finding the guy um two well it was about almost two days later and he got arrested and I was there for the whole thing and so that was you know heightened uh nerves and stress and all that and uh and then in November of 2018 uh that actually Thanksgiving we found out that my grandmother uh had stage 4 cancer and she was going to pass away because she was 87 years old and said I'm not going to do any type of treatments or anything I've lived a long life she was like my rock she was like a second mother to me I lived with her you know in my teenage years um which were a little troubled because my parents got divorced and all that stuff um so that affected me the next day we went to Costco on Black Friday and I had to go take some chairs back because we had Thanksgiving in my house so we rented some chairs took them back to the place and then we headed to Costco my wife and I and we had to get gas I started to feel anxious right when we were pulling off of the uh the exit so we I went got the uh filled up gas and I told my wife I said man I'm feeling anxious so she's heard me say that before and she's like well why and I was I had no idea and so I tried to push through it went into Costco and obviously I'm not breathing I you know I probably pulled my breath hypervent whatever I didn't know what I was doing wrong I started feeling like I was going to pass out again so I laid and laid right in the middle of Costco on Black Friday on the floor nice with people walking by me you need news to call somebody uh no I'm just a panic attack it's all good yeah so where is the video when we right right yeah I shouldn't tell my wife to record so good anyway so what happens so I left I when I was finally able to get up I she said well do you want to shop I said no I want to go home so I ran to my safe space and went back home and laid in bed um and I had a trip a work trip coming up on the 12th or ninth ninth of December and I started thinking about that immediately like oh no what I'm what's gonna happen I'm gonna have anxiety I'm gonna do this well I ended up going on the on the trip and I was fine the first day the next day I woke up I went to the office was there eight hours went back to my hotel had some anxiety woke up the next morning and I was all of a sudden an agoraphobia agoraphobic I couldn't leave my hotel room yeah and um so I was I stayed in my hotel room the whole day my dad asked me to come up for dinner I said no they came down brought me dinner hung out with me in my hotel room the next day went out with my dad like nothing had anxiety had a few beers started feeling normal okay I'm fine you know because I mean obviously the alcohol is the same effect that like a benzo would you know right yeah it's a sedative right so um I woke up that that evening and the next day I had to fly back and I mean just riddled with anxiety panic and I had to be on a flight in like four hours couldn't go back to sleep had to go to the airport I mean I was literally like shaking you know and anyway got on the plane got in my car drove back home once I started almost to get home I started feeling better again I was like what the hell's going on here so if I was forward to January 4th my wife's birthday 2019 I woke up with a panic attack and that that was it that was it as soon as I woke up with that panic attack I'm like I'm not even safe sleep doesn't even call me down anymore and and that's when it turned in it started spiraling spiraling into agoraphobia and I would only leave when I had to which was either there was a work function that I did that that I afterwards I had a panic attack and but I stood up and talked in front of people with this disorder I'd been at home for three weeks and they had no idea you know but inside I was screaming you know I was so it was just um that was it was it was a that was a really tough time I was in the house I mean like I said I left a few times when I had to and I ended up having multiple panic attacks a day anxiety mostly staying in bed there was about a two and a half week period I didn't even leave my room I felt like I couldn't go to the fridge and fill up my bottle of water I couldn't even hold my bottle of water I'd have to have my wife get it for me I lost 30 pounds in like a month yeah eating like soup I didn't have an appetite I couldn't even watch anything other than like repeats of friends if that makes any sense it actually does like that was okay you could do that yeah but I couldn't watch anything new because anything new would you know make me think or make you know like anything like a thriller or something that you know got my mind thinking I would immediately start thinking about panic and anxiety and it was just horrible so um yeah for for months and months then I found the anxious truth and I I'd started therapy I'd you know talk to a psychologist he did not specialize in CBT so he wasn't the best but I had found an online therapist while I was waiting to see a psychologist and I started talking with her and just kind of getting things off my chest helped a little bit and she had a little knowledge in CBT and so she helped me with that started reading again Claire Weeks I had written or read Claire Weeks like years before when I had that real bad when I was just like just like you when I just like me right we have similar stories yeah yeah and I just forgot all about it so I started reading it again read a couple of other books that weren't great you know but went back to the Claire Weeks and then found your podcast and I found the group and yeah that was it I just started feeling better but it wasn't just oh I'm listening to Drew's voice in his podcast and all of a sudden I feel better no I had to do the work just like you say day in day out every day made a plan kept a diary what I did today exposures you know and I just would I mean I couldn't even drive to the corner down here I mean not even a quarter mile I'd start having a panic attack yeah and so I started picking up the kids from school I started doing little errands waiting in line was extremely hard for me so I started small at like convenience stores and then got bigger and bigger and then my biggest exposure some people saw me was when I I drove to LA to meet with Jay and yeah that was that was a that was a huge exposure for me I remember you know I kind of asking for support from the admin group right before I left because I was having major anticipatory anxiety about going and so it delayed me for probably about an hour but I pushed through and and did it and when I did it it really wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be and I had learned so much at that point that I knew you know how not to react you know and spiral out of control and make it worse it's you know and that really helped me on that trip that was that was a really long ride that was a good four and a half five hour ride wasn't it yes yeah and then I drove to San Diego right see dad after that right yeah and then I and then when I left San Diego I drove straight home I didn't stop that was half hours and I remember you posted when you got back home about how you just drove straight through and like had the music on and I think that's that thing where like you and I know that you worked hard man like you were doing the shit every day there's no doubt about that but until you have to do that last big thing that seems so like oh my god remember when I couldn't get out of bed like it's a little bit like oh am I gonna be able to do this but then you you know I did such a great job it was great it was great to see yeah it ended up being I was really happy that I been thankful that I made the trip there was times where I didn't want to make the trip and obviously there was a lot going on in the world at the time not as bad as it got but I was you know obviously I had concerns about that going into a tourist area right and Jay wanted to show me everywhere you know he lives in LA you go to LA Jay is the man to see yeah yeah he'll take you everywhere he knows all the history he's been there forever and it just made it a really great trip I've never seen LA in that in that way like hanging out with the local like that and it was so it turned out to be a really good trip and both of us still had anxiety and we talked about it and we continued on with our day we didn't say oh we take me back to the hotel and you go home and you know yeah we just kept doing what we were gonna do some of the coolest pictures I've ever gotten via text were the pictures you guys sent me when you're hanging out in LA that was like the greatest thing just for those of you who are watching or listening who don't know Jay is also one of the admins of the Facebook group so you know we will become friends and it was great to see you guys doing that together let's talk a little bit about like you did the hard work so you knew the nuts and bolts you went through it you did it what was probably did you have a thing that was finally the breaking point we were like no more of this I got it I have to change something now was there a moment some people have a moment some people don't some people just sort of slowly turn around and start to move into recovery did you have a moment there yeah there was there was a few it was it probably lasted weeks actually because when I was in my room but you know I have a family I have a wife and three children and she was doing everything my wife was my safe person she was doing all the chores taking care of the kids doing that to me I wasn't contributing to the family and so it made me feel absolutely horrible so there was probably you know some depression there there was as well but it was you know that came after of course that came after the anxiety um and you know what what it turned me into and I'm like I can't I just can't live like this I mean I'm I'm worthless to my family you know is what I was thinking and uh yeah when I that was pretty much my rock bottom when I thought about all of that I said you know I gotta get I gotta get out of this somehow I got I gotta I gotta figure this out I had every single test done I thought there was something wrong you know something wrong with my head my heart my lungs something blood tests I was going to the you know when I remember when one time my wife took me to the ER because I was having another panic attack and it was a bad one and she's driving me the ER and I remember thinking I didn't tell her that I was thinking in my head man I really hoped something is wrong with me because you know crazy no no and you know a lot of people think that like if there's something physically wrong I can either die or get it over with or like they can fix me you know right it's hard when it's a mystery you don't know what it is or right and not so yeah I just I wanted an answer as to what you know and but there there wasn't one because it was anxiety which is not harmful it just sucks it does suck but I mean so I kind of get that that thing that says like and it's so funny knowing you now like you know the way I know you and as a friend that like I the thought of you being useless to your family I know how important that is to you like your family is super important to you and you're very vocal about that and I love that it's crazy how that disorder can take all of that away temporarily but right you know I put you in a space where you're just not even barely the same person but you were always in there you just had to find him again and you did so right yeah and the thing that blows me away too is I guess was around January I don't know when it was but in the midst of all that going from like I'm stuck in my my bedroom for two weeks to like I'm driving LA and hanging out with my friend like you you were actually given an award for the company you work at and you know you produce so much less so in the midst of recovering from this raging anxiety disorder you're like kicking ass at your job it's there's a lot about the type of person you are I think so do you think you were better equipped because of your personality or maybe you know some of us are just built a little bit more to go into that difficult space than others are do you think you were one of those people that yeah I do definitely because I knew that I still I wouldn't do you know the chores or go get my water or anything but I would still have a laptop and my phone and luckily I'm that's what my job is I can I work from home yeah so I was still able but I mean I remember talking to these clients uh in Florida and they just moved there from California they were in a hotel and her husband had health problems you know serious was going to go into surgery and they wanted to buy a house and I couldn't help them um they you know bad credit no income stuff like that yeah and I remember and I just I felt so bad but I was in the midst this is like February right so I was in the midst of the word like my worst anxiety ever and I remember just like my whole body was just numb buzzing I felt like I was just going to fall over and I still I stuck on the phone with her for an hour uh just because I I felt really bad and I told her you know this is how you can do it this and that um so I even when I felt at my worst I was still able to work and then when I started working in and on my recovery obviously didn't happen overnight but I I dove further and further that was part of my recovery hey make this call do this thing you know so not just in my personal life but my work life too you know I would go I would go to the office I would do you know things that I didn't I didn't feel like doing because of anxiety and um it it ended up yeah being my best year ever and I had no idea until I got my award because I wasn't looking at numbers or anything all of a sudden I got this award I'm like what what how the hell did that happen that's so cool sometimes you have that one thing to hang on to like like and hang on to my work and I could keep doing that which is you know sometimes helps gives you a place to anchor on to a little bit while you're doing the work but um right what was the biggest where are we 22 minutes what was the biggest I mean did you have a biggest obstacle a thing that was the stickiest to get past the hardest to get past can you think of one yeah it was it was it was Costco really well back to the scene of the crime laying there on black friday sure that's that thing where we do not want to repeat negative experiences of course nobody does yeah Costco and then driving the driving yeah it was Costco and driving those were the two two things that were the biggest obstacles for me yeah yeah I we have very similar stories I think you and I we had some of the same same challenges and the timeline and the I read Claire Weeks and then freaking just forgot it like right what's wrong what's wrong with us but uh I think it's great but so look back you did the work you came through you had a bad year but it ended up really great and you know what did you learn are you better off now would you are you one of those people that would say like that really sucked but I can be thankful because I learned XYZ yeah I'm better I'm better now than I than I have been since I was 19 like I said I was I still dealt with things ID I still dealt with certain you know thinking back to different things that happened throughout the last 22 years yeah there were certain instances where I would retreat where I would and I just didn't know what I was doing I didn't know what it was I just knew I didn't feel right right now I know what it is so having that knowledge and knowing you know how to react or not react you know floppy face or flow yeah whatever you want to say right doll um yeah I mean I can do that you know I can do that now while I'm exercising while I'm walking while I'm in a meeting while I'm you know uh it's just it's just normal now it's like second nature but it took a lot of practice you know it didn't it didn't happen overnight and I know that folks want want that magic cure that magic pill or there is none there is none magic pill there's not a SSRI there's not a benzo there's not a herb and nothing you have to you have to do the work because in the end you know all you have is you yeah yeah and we always say like you know we're the only ones that can fix ourselves I mean you can get support and encouragement and all that stuff but in the end we have to do the work ourselves right I think in the interest of like encouraging somebody who is watching who is maybe in a bad spot still like those things you said so right now you could be in a meeting you could be at the gym you can be driving like panic can hit and you could just do the non-reactive rag doll thing right at one point had to feel impossible I'm guessing like that's not a how could that be a thing that can't be real but yet here we're doing it now right I'm guessing it just yeah it takes yeah it was not easy it takes a lot of courage you know because your reaction is you want to get help from somebody somebody help call 911 right right yeah yeah save me and you know you can't so it's nothing can save you from that except for you so the quicker that you can teach teach yourself you're your subconscious yeah that this doesn't scare me you know which it does you know but then it's you know once you get used to it you know and that just takes courage yeah so it's that's why I tell people in the group a lot of you have to have patience and courage and determination those are really like the three biggest things it is I think sometimes courage is the biggest thing point and I understand that like a lot of people feel like they're not you know I just don't have courage like no everybody does you just have to find it like you know and learn to display it but you did a great job you're like a textbook example of it man I'm really super proud of you so thanks all thanks for the podcast and thanks for the book congratulations on that by the way I know today is actually book release day and I'm like I guess I should do a podcast today so I'm super happy to talk to you today should thank you I appreciate that yeah yeah it's been a lot of fun so you guys are all so like crazy supportive and I appreciate all you guys so I guess we'll wrap it up because try and keep it under 30 minutes this way people to get to board but dude I appreciate you coming by and we'll do this one of these again we'll have to do like dual fireside chats one day dual fireside yeah yeah I think that's what the public needs to see so Nick in the group has done a couple of really great videos that I love that he calls fireside chats with Nick including the title screen like I love it so I was sitting at the other night and I'm like yeah I'm like I should fire up the I'm like not I can't do a video by the fire like that's copyright infringement practically yeah oh man yeah right tm anyway dude all right thanks I appreciate you coming by and if you guys are in the group you want to ask Nick questions I'm sure we'll answer them whatever it is we'll put the video up in the group or this will be on YouTube and what else am I supposed to say before we sign out I'm supposed to ask you if you're listening to the audio to rate and review on iTunes and it's book release day so go to the anxious truth comm slash recovery guide and check out the book by the book it's a good book it'll help you anyway all right guys thanks I appreciate it and we'll see you in the next one now I have to have that awkward moment we start recording and like sit still in a freeze frame all right let me kill it see you guys