 As-salamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh Bismillahir rahmanir raheem in the name of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala most gracious most merciful All praise is indeed due to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala As-salatu wa salamu ala Rasulillah wa ala alihi wa sahabihi ajma'in Blessings and salutations upon Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wa sallam His household companions may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala bless them bless every one of us grant us goodness in this world and the next My brothers and sisters from amongst us there are three types of people when it comes to marriage those who are married those who are not married and who knows what's the third one those who are neither married nor not married you might be confused what does that mean well those in that condition know exactly what I'm talking about you're neither married nor are you not married and that is a category mentioned in the Quran and Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala speaks about those that are neither married nor not married that's a very interesting way of starting because if you're not married subhanallah I'm sure you would be interested one day I hope in getting married and for that to happen you would need to look for a spouse and we have two things one is what the Quran and Sunnah teach us regarding choosing your spouse and how it should be done the guidelines and secondly we have society and community the cultures the norms as time passes there are different ways of meeting up there are different ways that you get to know one another a potential spouse it's not exactly as it used to be a long time ago so within that beautiful framework how exactly to be able to get to the situation or to be able to get to the stage where we become halal for one another that also is part and parcel of what we need to know we cannot deny that the globe has changed we cannot deny that the methods of getting yourself acquainted with another person have actually changed and if we do not embrace this change within the limits and the scope of Islam we would actually be creating stress and causing depression and harm in the hearts and minds of those who are loved ones to us so for example if you have a parent who has this ideal idea in their minds it's something very ideal I have my child I have my daughter I have my son for example and I really believe that I would like them to get married in a specific way to a specific person and I'd like it to happen the way I have planned it all out and if you're thinking that it's going to work according to your plan alone then you're definitely not being realistic at all you're not being realistic at all you need to know we all have plans not just for marriage we all have plans but the Almighty's plan will always go beyond what we have planned and we need to adjust the plan as time passes for our children I'm addressing here our parents who are parents I'm a parent and I'm sure from amongst us there are a lot of people who are parents and inshallah would be parents may Allah bless those who don't have offspring with those who will be the coolness of their eyes say amen and so as time passes we definitely need to adjust this dream adjust this plan of ours because your child happens to go to school your child happens to come back perhaps they're on the public transport or perhaps walking to school coming back in a country like this perhaps they interact with people after school maybe at the workplace maybe at the university and there is a little bit of feedback from the sound my brothers a slight bit of feedback if you can deal with it you may if you cannot we don't mind actually speaking with it inshallah can you hear it? am I the only one? ok so in that case if they drop it too much my brother we might spoil the sound so leave it as is inshallah I take back my suggestion sorry about that but I'm normally a person who prefers to stop things and sort them out than to live my entire life regretting that I didn't say anything you know so that teaches us another thing even if you want to marry someone brother sister open your mouth if you don't don't expect people to actually just like you know look at you and then when they get married but I wanted to marry you you know you didn't tell me subhanallah so we just go to actually in fact we can draw that lesson from this by the will of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala I think we've dropped the sound a little bit too much now I don't know that's what I think I'm not trying to be a fussy mother-in-law or a father-in-law and I heard brother Musa earlier saying your mother-in-law might be here I tell you something those mothers-in-law that are here today are the best mothers-in-law do you know why? they've come here subhanallah may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala bless us all I think we've dropped it a little bit too low so we can return it to where it was I regret having spoken okay so my brothers and sisters I think if I can pause for a moment there's something on my mind right now based on what brother Musa had just said you know when we speak of mothers-in-law I promise you it is just a stigma that's attached but in real life it's not true it is not true I've known of a lot of mothers-in-law being absolutely superb human beings those who are really great in their character and conduct and I'm sure I'm actually screaming now my voice I've raised it a lot so if we can raise this inshallah so that I can speak once again regret so and I'm sure it's actually gone even further down you know we're going to be battling with the sound right up to the end I have a feeling but it's fine I'm one not to really get so upset you know so we've actually made it much worse than it was to see I sound like I'm actually a spaceman and I think it happens in our relationships as well where when we want to solve a problem people react in a way that you know you say something and they sort of raise it to the degree that it makes it worse my brother let's go back to where we were sometimes mashallah that was quite good for a moment alhamdulillah you know if you have to comment about the salt for example in the food and someone says right you put the salt from now on you know that's what happens so I might have to step down and do the salt myself but it's good I think we're there alhamdulillah I'm happy I'm satisfied mashallah jazakumullah khayr my brothers may Allah bless you with jannah tul firdaus and may Allah give you jannah first in the dunya inshallah may your life be such that it's like a little mini prelude to the real paradise that's to come by the will of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala so in order to build relationships and we're talking about marriage and relationships we need to acknowledge when a person is actually trying to do something based on what you said so sometimes in the home you might pass a comment or someone says something and the other person's really trying to be the way you would like them to be or trying to do what you'd like them to do and because it takes a while to adjust it sometimes takes a bit of a while to get it to that you know to fine tune it and we get upset in the interim making matters worse you've just got to remain cool and calm and you've just got to wait for it inshallah by the will of Allah it will come and you know we will all be rewarded for it so I was speaking about the goodness of your in-laws we need to change that narrative I believe that by becoming people who are the best to their children in law we need to promise ourselves and Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala that I'm going to be the best father in law in the case of a female the best mother in law subhanallah I'm going to be the best because a lot of the complaints and you know today I received five emails just before I came from the thousands of emails five were picked up being related to marriage and relationships and all of them complaining about certain things and I'm going to get to that inshallah if I can is the light disturbing you or am I just being a nag subhanallah I really don't know what to say subhanallah because I can see everything behind me but I cannot see myself so I don't know if that thing is flashing every now and again or it's just me may Allah forgive me am I showing my true colors here anyway my brothers and sisters we're enjoying this evening I'm trying to concentrate that's what I'm trying to do you know we want to stick to the topic but unfortunately we've just kicked off so one or two minor adjustments it's fine I'm driving the latest motor vehicle you know most comfortable S-class Mercedes for example and there is a little adjustment to be done on the wheel I'd rather stop and adjust it and enjoy the ride than to actually just go all the way up north and you know then complain about how it was wobbly may Allah subhanallah grant us ease so my brothers and sisters many times we end up complaining about people and we promise that we don't want to be like them and we end up becoming worse than them without realizing it because we're pointing fingers not knowing that the way to change is actually to begin with yourself Inna Allah la yu ghayru ma bi qawmin Hatta yu ghayru ma bi anfusihim Allah will not change the condition of a nation until and unless they don't change themselves each individual needs to change himself and I've come across many people who don't believe in that verse they don't they say well there's a problem there why should I change myself well that's Allah your maker telling you you have to adjust yourself when there is an issue and a problem it might be that that person is harassing you troubling you making your life difficult but you need to at the same time look at how you are reacting how you are perhaps you might have caused a situation and now you're sitting with it and you're just blaming everyone else because they've become worse than you they've become worse than you as a result of what you triggered off and this is why it's important for us to know that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala keeps reminding us about ourselves you know if you have to adjust yourself you have to become more conscious of yourself you have to develop yourself and so on it's the beginning point it might not solve the whole problem but the minimum is it's going to make you look at matters from a different light it's going to make you look at things from a different light I'm in a situation for example I love my spouse but I'm having an issue with the broader family well I can tell you I'm going to have to live with that to a certain degree and what that degree is differs from situation to situation and perhaps will also differ based on how I deal with it so if I deal with it in a proper way perhaps I will be able to minimize the issue and I will be able to look at it with a broad heart you know when you hold everything in your heart you become a person filled with hatred filled with so much of negativity because you're holding too much you don't need to hold so much you need to learn to let go of things it's like when you arrive at the airport and you're told you only allowed one piece 20 kilos have you heard that nowadays they may allow you two pieces 23 kilos each if one of them is more than 23 you have a problem and if both are more than 46 you're going to have to shed some of it now those of you who visited India perhaps I'm going to give you that example India and Pakistan perhaps even Bangladesh Bangladesh I'll give you the example those of you who visited folks maybe who live in some of those countries don't you notice that sometimes out of their love they give you things that you don't know how you're going to take back Subhanallah and then you start packing things into your bag and you were promising before the journey that I I'm not going to be a typical traveler where my bags are more than my own weight Subhanallah you know I don't know the last time I checked I think I was somewhere between 75 and 80 I think and I can tell you something my bags weigh less than me always well you're going to say are you crazy 70 kilos of weight well we all promise that we're not going to be typical when we watch other people but guess what happens you end up picking up things and you bring them to the airport and you say InshaAllah it will go and you try to make a plan and you go this way and you stand that way and you smile at the people look at it and then when they tell you there is a problem you have to remove 5 kilos and then you say well maybe I'll take it in my hand what are you doing you are making a plan you have excess baggage that's what it is we have excess baggage in our relationships we have to make a plan shed something you have to shed it whether you like it or not or you have to take it in your hand luggage you have to release certain things it's a weight it's a burden just like when you've arrived there and you need to now get rid of 10 kilos for example of 5 you open your bags and you start thinking right these peanuts we don't need them we get them back in England these pistachios we get them back in England I have a policy any one of my relatives gives me pistachios peanuts etc things that I can get at my destination I tell them listen I'm giving it away I'll carry nothing and when I go there I'll purchase whatever you've given me it's cheaper and better for me two ways one is weight wise and even monetary wise Subhanallah I gave someone else a gift and then when I got home I bought a similar gift and gave it because you could get it there I remember one brother who told me and it's a true story he had visited India and when he returned the journey back he was told you need to shed so many kilos and there was no relative of his at the airport to give it back to he tried a bit opened his bags what did he see literally peanuts pistachios everything else and he told himself now I'm going to take all this out and give it away to some cleaners but you know what let me just pay for it just pay for the overweight and go so he told him what will it cost here's my card now sometimes a card you know you're not carrying the cash so you don't realize how much is gone so what happened he took his bags he paid for it a lot of money large sum of money and he regretted it because when he saw the SMS on his phone he thought to himself oh I can't believe it I paid for the peanuts and the pistachios and all these other little nuts and so on and it's so much of money I could have bought that ten times and the worst was when he got to England all his little kids and grandkids and everybody else they had these sweets and peanuts they were everywhere on the floor he gathered all of them and said listen guys you've got to eat every single peanut because you don't know what it costed and I'm thinking to myself brother you should have just shed it given it away leave it somewhere it would have helped you you would have saved money you would have had a better journey you wouldn't have had worries and when you see people actually waste it you would not be feeling the value of what you purchased or what you paid for the same applies in our relationships wallahi my brothers and sisters I have learned from it myself if you want to lead a positive life you need to be prepared to let go of petties let go don't hold it against the people we all have weaknesses myself included we have weaknesses some of them are not so you know small some of them are big weaknesses so as much as you can let it go it will help you it will really help you and think of the good of people go out of your way to think of the good what goodness does this person have and I do know if you're being oppressed when I talk of oppression here I'm talking of you really are struggling with your mind you're really you've tried to forgive as much as you can and you're struggling so much it becomes much more difficult to actually live with such people so we need to promise that we're going to become we are going to become the best to those whom we live with whoever they are is that a good enough promise very few people said yes is that a good enough promise yes it is I heard a few no's there but I think it's just the sarcastic guys whom I must have irritated by my sound story may Allah forgive me so my brothers and sisters we all need to promise us young and old you go home make sure you know and you understand that you have pledged that you're going to make life good and easy and facilitated for those whom you live with because charity definitely begins at home it definitely begins at home if you're not the best to those whom you live with trust me you're not going to be the best at all the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam says the best of you are those who live with their wives their family members so that's what happens it's not going to be easy that's why you're considered the best because you're different people are going to think differently but to be able if I'm thinking of how to make life easy for you and you thinking of how to make life easy for me then Subhanallah we have a brilliant relationship it's going to be beautiful may Allah make it easy now I want to go back back to choosing a spouse so we have the proper teachings of Islam and we need to understand that Islam does not dictate every step as to how you will get married no but rather it lays a framework and with that framework you are allowed within that framework to adjust things as per the changes in society and community on condition that they don't go beyond the framework so there was a time when introductions were made by parents and family members and I'd like to think that it still happens that way so you have parents and family members who introduce the son or the daughter to someone whom they believe is perhaps a prospective spouse and then the two of them meet number one we need honesty if you are having a relationship with the third party please be honest please come out clear to your parents, to everyone else to say you know what I am having a relationship with another person and I won't be able to consider this because the biggest punishment and I am saying this based on what comes to me in terms of queries and those who seek help the biggest sin is when you are marrying someone knowing that you are involved with someone else astaghfirullah and people are doing it to please their parents it is a disease I am sure a lot of you know exactly what I am talking about so my beloved parents don't push your children to the degree that you've issued a death sentence to someone else's daughter or to someone's son when your daughter or son was involved with the third party and you blocked it squashed it and sometimes the way you dealt with it they didn't even have the courage or the guts to let you know that there was something else going on how many of us have heard of those whom out on their honeymoon they are busy texting or sexting someone else and that's supposed to be a honeymoon it's a reality when we talk about marriage and relationships in this day and age we have to raise these issues because if we don't who is going to raise them so my beloved parents you are a criminal if you've done that criminal and I promise you that would be so bad because you have messed up and ruined the life of an innocent child someone else you've ruined their lives to the degree that you don't even realize they could have been happier with someone else and they would have been happier had they not even been married so this is why we say the first step just be honest you come forth and you say you know what unfortunately or fortunately whatever it is I'm not interested here I'm involved somewhere else I'm interested in the third party my parents are forcing it on me and now we have a bigger problem where the guy says yeah I know that they're forcing you but I don't care I don't mind it's fine what are you talking about I've come across such cases whether it's for immigration purposes whatever other purpose it is Wallahi this is criminal behavior this is absolutely unacceptable it is against the basic rights of a child choose the spouse it's a basic right you're never allowed to impose a decision of who to marry as a parent that's not a right that Allah has given you the child has a right to refuse and to reject and to say no I'm not interested and so on you have to open your ears you have to listen attentively what do they want what are they seeking so that's step number one the introductions used to be made in a lot of communities an introduction is made if you don't get along perhaps the first person introduced to you you're allowed to meet them and the meeting is not just a little tray that you pick up and you pass from one corner of the room to the other and they're supposed to size you up in that moment and then say mm-hmm or mm-hmm that's not how it works you have every right to talk to communicate to interact to see to look to have a right as well you need to talk, communicate, interact see and look and you need to know that until you're not satisfied don't nod your head don't and many of us sometimes we say and I'm going to say this because it is definitely something that is affecting a lot of us sometimes you have a good child really good masha'Allah and they say dad you know I want to please you I'll do whatever you say so dad says right marry there okay you need to know the almighty the prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam as well has said have you looked at her so the companion says no I didn't he says go and look at her go and see her, make sure that you look at her because there is something in the eye which means you might pick up something that you don't like and you can say no because you are going to punish someone else's child by not having communicated correctly with them and just nodded your head and they say oh no man I regret I shouldn't ever have done this Subhanallah so my brothers and sisters it's important for us when we want to obey what our parents are saying and parents are very important remember the most important people in your life your parents you need to take their guidance what they are telling you is not revelation from the heavens they could be making a mistake remember that but generally if they are love for you they will be guiding you in the right direction hopefully but sometimes they are making a mistake because they don't know what society is all about if the generation gap is beyond 20 years I've noticed that before we used to say 40 years and usually it's beyond 20 years I mean I was one of those few who already had children at the age of 20 MashaAllah but not everyone has that Subhanallah the generation gap it's difficult it's very difficult for us to understand each other and this is why we need communication with our children such that we should allow them to disagree with us so that we can guide them did you hear what I'm saying I know there is a lot of disturbance in the front it's disturbing me too but it's okay that's what life is all about MashaAllah we get disturbed we enjoy it we crack a joke about it so my brothers and sisters remember this Allah SWT is so merciful we as parents in this day and age should definitely allow our children to disagree with us and we should engage them in discussion because if we don't we're going to lose them people cry tears I lost my child I lost my son for example they no longer want to listen to me they no longer want to live with me they whatever else sometimes they've left they've done this and that you know what too late you're trying to develop a relationship now when all these years you had to develop it and you did not what's the point of coming to cry now my parents the age has changed you have to be in such communication with your children that when they have a problem they can tell it to you your son should be able to come to you and tell you how he's struggling with pornography I don't think many parents can actually boast that type of a close relationship I don't think so that means we're guilty because then they will turn to others they will turn to others we need to have a good relationship respect indeed that's why today you are my witness I said the most important people are your parents take their guidance they mean well sometimes out of the difference perhaps in thinking and understanding the generation perhaps they might say something you don't agree with they might say something wrong but there needs to be communication and you need to understand that at the end of the day these are my folks these are my parents and dear parents learn to forgive your children learn to excuse them learn to let them make mistake sometimes I'd rather have a child who's made a mistake and come back from that mistake than have a child whom I tried to impose on on them an ideal set of living such that they became depressed and they're now on lifetime medication and it has happened and it continues to happen because of how we treat our children they're so far from us but that's the gift that Allah bestowed you with I always look at those who don't have children and I say thank Allah and they say what do you mean so I say while we're making dua that Allah bless you with children perhaps He has not given you the children in order to save you from what other parents are going through it's easy to have a little child initially the struggling is only with perhaps a few things as they grow older certain things happen it becomes very tricky it becomes very difficult you're living in fear what's going to happen to my child I hope they don't fall into the bad company or into drugs or into an addiction or the gangster life etc so it's important for us to know that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala when He blessed us with children we need to be hands on those who don't have children for example I was saying I tell them firstly thank Allah because we have to thank Allah whatever Allah has bestowed upon us and secondly understand that those who do have children sometimes are totally depressed because of what has happened and transpired in their relationship with their own children may Allah safeguard us and our offspring and this is the reason why we are here today to discuss this matter and to be able to hear from you inshallah we're going to be having three sessions they're going to be interactive we want to hear from you because we want to be able to speak to one another and I'm definitely a person who promotes a strong relationship whereby if your child has a problem they should be able to tell you listen dad you know what I have a problem and I'm struggling with X, Y and Z and I definitely need you to help me if you don't have that relationship your child is going to seek help from someone who may not be genuine perhaps their friends perhaps someone else anyway getting back to the choice of a spouse like I had said at the beginning initially when there is an introduction that was one way of doing things that was one way of doing things Subhanallah the introduction comes in and it's either yes or it's a no you might meet once you might meet twice someone might ask how many times am I allowed to meet a person you can meet them as many times as you want on condition that it is within a framework what is that framework you don't just say right I need to meet this person so let's go out now and we'll go out we'll spend the evening once twice twice and you know you've already had intimate relations and then you decide nah not good enough that's not pure that's not clean that's not moral that's not Islamic values but rather respectfully you interact let them come to your home you go to their home perhaps you know there will be the broader family or at least a member or two etc etc round about nearby etc in order to ensure that nothing happens that is not meaning befitting a believer we don't want the devil to creep in and then you may speak you may interact and remember the golden rule my brothers and sisters I found this a lot with some of those you know younger people who interact either at the workplace or at the universities or at the opposite sex before you donate your heart to them get your folks involved before you donate your heart to someone get your folks involved what does that mean subhanallah let me explain you see the mind and the heart are the most powerful organs that you have the minute you give someone control of those two they can damage you destroy you and really break you to pieces shredded so be careful very careful the heart and the mind you don't give them to anyone besides Allah Allah should hold that and that's it if a relationship is within what Allah wants then inshallah you will be happy within what Allah wants you can give it but there are young people at the age of 14, 16, 20 they've donated their hearts to someone and they know that they are going to have a real uphill struggle with their folks but before you gave that heart you should have at least got your folks involved or you should have had your plan in place you don't give the heart until you get the marriage done because I know of a lot of predators a lot when I say a lot I mean in their thousands they will come and say I love you and at the same time they're saying it to another 20 people and then they say I love you I really I adore you I miss you etc and what happens we are emotional selves we are feelings at home we don't get them at home so when we hear it for the first time from someone something happened you know and you start thinking wow wow and then they say it again wow and then you start pouring your heart out and giving them details about your life all this is wrong because you're not supposed to donate all of that before you get your folks involved so it's a mistake to hold you a transom completely you've given them too much detail of your life to let go and they were busy doing it with so many others it has happened and you're busy fighting no the guy is dedicated and you don't know and vice versa it's happening the other way around as well so you need to make sure that you don't just fall prey to a statement or two you need to make sure that you don't give too much to someone information about yourself your heart your problems your issues you don't need you need to understand there are some people definitely that do exist on earth who are genuine like every one of us seated here right because if I were to ask you brothers and sisters who from amongst you believes he or she is absolutely genuine put up your hand I think the whole whole even the people outside on the street will be saying yeah you know masha Allah so I don't even want to ask you the question it's ironic how we all feel we're genuine but in actual fact if you search your life for your relationships we're not that genuine may Allah make me as genuine as I come out to be I mean I mean the same with every one of us may we be genuine you know you care for someone you have to care you have to watch your mouth how many of us every other word is a swear word and we want our relationships and our marriages to work every other word is a swear word I promise you and only is the angel writing that but you are messing yourself your heart your relation with Allah your spirituality your piety and your physical relations with those around you they don't like you and what are you teaching your children when they watch you swear every other word is a swear word whatever language it is in even in English I've come across people young people they want to say how are you and they pepper it with so many swear words that sentence is longer than it was but there are three F's in there two B's in there a few other swear words and whatever and not the B's that give you honey no may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grant us ease finally there's a bit of light mashallah and that's what happens you might start off in the dark but inshallah you know the light will come on at some stage you need to keep trying by the will of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala this is the beauty of speaking things your relationships and I haven't broken my relationships with the brothers did you notice that I gave it to them about the sound about the light and things came right I'm satisfied with the sound satisfied with the light what else mashallah may Allah bless you guys may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala make this small distraction a means of lesson for every one of us Amin and I love you guys wallahi all the brothers the sisters the volunteers those who've made the time to come today I'd have loved to meet every one of you but unfortunately you know we're human beings and there's nothing grand about a guy like me you know if you really want it's the cloak it's the cloak you know may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala bless us all so we have a second issue that needs to be addressed when it comes to the marriages the one was the introduction made by the parents I've given you one or two points that I felt were important there is a lot to say but we're not going to be able to cover it just in this first session if someone would like to ask a question we will be opening the floor for that later on but the second is when your child or when you have met someone your child will come to you and I promise you I want the parents to listen very attentively your child will probably come to you and say you know dad I been to the university for three years there is a specific brother now many families the minute the girl says this it's qiyamah literally it's qiyamah it's like the trumpet is beginning to be blown because you don't know is it the angel blowing the thing or is it the devil may Allah forgive us but it's like a little qiyamah that happens in the home they start screaming how could you ever how dare did I send you to the uni I know you sent me to the uni to study I've been studying I've been trying my best but I cannot help but to let you know there is a brother Masha Allah you know he fulfills his Salah he's really very very I haven't even communicated with him but he's very upright and I've been noticing I cannot help but notice I mean it's a real life it's a real world out there you know may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grant us ease nowadays even if you lower your gaze you notice things Masha Allah may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grant you know the good understanding I see the lights doubled Masha Allah oh it's called light upon light by the way that's right and in order to appreciate that light they made it dark for us at the beginning right subhan Allah but my brothers and sisters do you see how sometimes you may have met someone and you go up to your parents and you really want to tell them listen there's a very good option and your father just says no or parents from amongst here or who will hear this later on we just say no I'm not entertaining this not realizing that who you have in mind is worse than the person whom this child of yours is trying to show you so take a moment to fulfill what Allah has placed on your shoulders by finding out who it is and being genuine about it you really have a problem look I've met them Masha Allah lovely brother I do agree but I found x y and z and I really think it's going to be a difficulty hardship it's not going to be so easy because of what talk to your child convince them and on the other hand we've told the children not to give their hearts before they involve their folks the problem is when they're trying to involve their folks the folks are simply not having it and this is not one case thousands of cases literally thousands I would not be wasting my time speaking about it here if it wasn't such a big problem huge issue and then people come about no they're not from the same tribe they're not from the same race they're not from the same caste they don't speak the same language do you know what that those statements are jahiliya those statements are jahiliya that means ignorance the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam at that time the muhajireen and Ansar they were from totally different places they intermarried what else you had companions who came from elsewhere some from Africa some from Europe what happens they married they intermarried it goes to show there is no virtue of an Arab over a non-Arab or vice versa and no virtue of a white over a black or black over a white except by taqwa the closeness to a black over a white except by taqwa by taqwa the closeness to Allah which is known by Allah alone so you need to make sure that outwardly the person needs to have two qualities if a proposal has come in your direction from a person whom you are satisfied with their level of deal which means their closeness to Allah their religion they don't have to be so pious but on an acceptable level perhaps they read their salah they are responsible in their relationship with Allah and secondly their character and conduct is of an acceptable level if you have those two then let it happen and you know what the hadith says if you don't oh this is my favorite part do you know why it's my favorite part we say it we repeat it and we see parents do exactly the opposite they can face the same consequences mentioned by the prophet and they blame everyone else so the hadith says if good character came to you with decent deen now what does good character mean you need a responsible guy responsible person so you have responsibility masha Allah they are responsible and they have deen I can talk to a young man for a few moments and I can have an idea of how he carries himself for example I may not know the details I could find out you could go deeper and deeper and don't just be satisfied at a statement uttered by someone you know what yeah this guy is like that no sometimes they have ulterior motives I've known of many cases of people whom the parent asks one of their relatives a brother or some a sister or someone that you know my daughter is interested in this guy and they say no he's on drugs but you know what he's not so why did they say that because they were eyeing out the same child for their daughter subhanAllah wow it's a reality you may not like what I just said there are some from amongst you who are really really in that situation subhanAllah where people just come and say nasty things they've said it about me and about you anything they can say this guy is like this this guy promotes violence he hates it and you know it's not true it's absolutely false but why do they say it because of some weakness they have you need to help them the problem is you've just destroyed someone's life by lying you speak the truth if you don't know say look I really don't know and if you know something you say look I know something it doesn't mean they're still like that but I do know perhaps some time back this was the issue and the problem but the difficulty is the child raises an issue at home that you know I'm interested in someone close it why we're living in a world where we interact with people you probably have the best child it doesn't mean that because she has come up or he has come up to you with some suggestion from the school or the workplace that they're already having an affair it doesn't mean that it doesn't mean that they've started in a haram way not necessarily you have to take it seriously you have to communicate you find out and if that person happens to be genuine if that person no matter who they are where they come from if they happen to be genuine sincere guess what you're going to have an uphill task trying to say no now because you have Allah and His Rasul on one side and you have your ego on the other subhanallah like I said you might have had your dream but you have to adjust it as time passes because now something I didn't calculate has just happened how should I deal with it we're living in a real world you're going to have to deal with it by you're going to have to deal with it by facing it by understanding it like I said look at the guidelines of the dean and try your best to help your child my beloved children definitely take what your parents have to say seriously if they don't listen to you at all try again and keep trying you know I've gotten myself involved with thousands of cases for the sake of Allah thousands of cases where I've communicated with parents sometimes with the children sometimes with a third party and so on and sometimes it helps sometimes it doesn't help sometimes you look like the bad one and appreciate what you've done for them all of that is on one side we did it for the sake of Allah but what I learnt is the way you react will determine the future so that hadith and I will end with this where the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says if there is dean and khuluq let it happen if you don't there is going to be lots of problems and issues and great facade chaos and corruption on earth which means your life is going to be turned upside down and I promise you every one of you you would know examples within your minds when I say every one of you I mean it you would know examples within your minds of people whose parents did not entertain something that they had impose their own ideas their kids and rejected for example their decent ideas and what happened the whole world turned upside down why? the blame game begins but that's not what it's all about no problem is sorted out or solved by blaming people it doesn't you need to take responsibility you need to say you know what I'm sorry what I did was wrong and I'm not saying that a specific party is depending on each case but what definitely is the case whoever is wrong normally becomes arrogant they become very arrogant and they become filled with ego they don't want to admit I was wrong whether you're a parent or a child whatever your case is but that will destroy us learn to clip that ego a little bit learn to admit look I was wrong and in that way we will be able to build our relationships inshallah and the third segment of this beautiful light upon light spring and I pray that we can all benefit from it I've said as much as I could but before I go I sincerely seek forgiveness from the brothers or sisters whoever they were in the background whom I actually addressed publicly about the sound and the lights but I think it helped so Allah bless you inshallah Fata Allah alaykum masha Allah brothers masha Allah brother masha Allah alaykum