 What are your boundaries? That's right this week. We're going to be discussing boundaries what they are and being able to communicate them Yes, this really hits home for me because about over a decade ago I realized that my biggest pain point was codependency and a huge part of that is setting boundaries and after Tons of studying working with the life coaches trial and error I feel like I've gotten pretty good at it and it also led me to working with Johnny and AJ here at Art of Charmed for the past three years. So we're excited to share some of this info with you Yeah, I mean when people go to better themselves when they start working on being more high value and cooperative One of the risks that happen is You know, they don't want to be taken advantage of and so today We're going to be discussing that and putting up a few points that will help with that Point number one is recognize the need. Why do we need to recognize the need within ourselves to set boundaries Johnny? Well, if you understand where you need those boundaries you're able to set them And that way you won't be able to be manipulated When you feel in a relationship that a negative emotion keeps coming up Take a look at the action that's causing that emotion for you And that's a really great place to start with setting that boundary Point number two is to communicate your emotions with the other person be vulnerable. Why would we do that Johnny? Well, they're your emotions So and no one can argue with you about how you feel I know in the past I've had to deal with troublesome band members who would want to show up late And of course, you know, there's other people whose other whose schedules are dependent on people being there on time And in order to rectify that is You know making sure that you pull this person aside in private allow them to know how you feel about how their actions Effect you and the band and allow them to empathize and listen That brings us to point number three, which is to respond positively Well, of course, it's your relationship. You care about the other person So you want to make sure you articulate that boundary I have a friend who and I feel like this is a universal thing that people can relate to I have this friend who I was always the person reaching out to her I am always the person making plans and oftentimes she ends up flaking out on me So instead of giving her any kind of, you know, argument yelling at her or giving her any absolutes like You never show up on time. You never come hang out with me when I make plans. You never reach out to me I just said to her. Hey, you know, I love hanging out with you. I really miss you and um, you know The balls in your court if you want to hang out you can reach out to me and um, you can set up plans But uh staying positive is really key because then you're allowing the person to grow and respect your boundary That brings us to point number four Stand your ground So this goes along with point number three because some people might think because you're responding positively that that is a weak point But it's not you know, as teddy roosevelt once said you can speak softly, but carry a big stick Right, johnny Well, absolutely if you don't stand your ground, they're gonna continue to try to manipulate you So you want to make sure that there is some sort of punishment that goes along with with those actions I mean, even james brown would find his band members if they didn't show up on time Point number five is when all else fails cut ties walk away from the situation Why do we have to do that sometimes johnny? Because it's obvious that they don't respect you and if they don't respect you You wouldn't want to have somebody like that in your life So this is an easy how to you're just going to cut off communication with them if they reach out if they text You know, you can just let that text thread go You cannot answer that call and if you want a little side tip If you don't know about this already instead of making anything dramatic by unfriending them or unfollowing them Facebook and twitter have a cool little feature where you can just hide them from your feed So you don't have to see them anymore Um, uh in your feed. I don't know just a little tip Okay, so finally we want to recap number one. We want to recognize what those boundaries are number two We want to communicate those emotions number three. We want to respond with positivity Number four. We want to stand our ground and number five. We just want to cut ties We know that setting healthy boundaries can sometimes be a little bit awkward or uncomfortable But this will empower you and it will actually create healthier relationships So if you want a comment below, let us know of a time you set a great boundary Or if you need some advice on how to set a boundary. I'm erin. I'm johnny and we will see you next time