 Some more text messages just came out from Heidi talking with her therapist about Pro Jared. And in this video we're going to discuss the very important subject about why you don't lie to your therapist. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem, but focus on the solution. And if you're new to my channel what I try to do is take different topics going on in the YouTube community, try to see what lessons we can learn from them. Because there's no point in watching all this stuff go on if we're not trying to see how we can improve our own mental and emotional well-being. So if you're into that stuff make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. And right now usually I promote something of mine that's going on but I want to take this moment to shine a spotlight on one of my favorite people on earth, Miss CCB. Alright? Over on Instagram follow her. It's at the Crimson Kiss. I will link her down in the description below. She is a phenomenal author but she's also an amazing woman like we talk in DMs and things like that and she's like helped me with my writing and you know and all that. But anyways a lot of what she posts on Instagram and what her books are about are the lessons that she's learned about relationships. And aside from her just talking about setting up boundaries like she is amazing when it comes to like personal empowerment and realizing that you don't need to date like scumbags and stuff like that a lot is about that but one of the reasons I love her is because she talks a lot about personal accountability and realizing like yeah while we do date a lot of scummy people throughout our lifetime we also need to take accountability for what we did wrong. And we have to find that balance like if we live our entire lives thinking that everybody else in the relationship is wronging us we're never going to improve we're never going to find a good relationship. So anyways go follow CCB again she'll be linked down in the description down in the pinned comment below and get some of her books she is amazing alright but anyways yeah for those of you who aren't up to date you can check out the video I did yesterday about Heidi releasing some screenshots of texts between her and her therapist but yeah she released more this morning and here's here's a thing like again my my videos they aren't about this because say it with me alright just say it with me real quick all of this is none of our damn business but it's out there publicly so rather than just like picking sides of oh are you with Jared are you with Heidi let's look at this and see what we can learn from it alright so before I get started for those of you who don't know me hi I'm Chris no I'm not a licensed therapist or licensed psychologist but I worked three years in a mental health treatment center we specialize in addiction as well as mental illnesses I'm a certified life coach and I'm currently pursuing my CADC which is a certified alcohol and drug counselors licensing where I'll be working with people with mental health issues as well but aside from that one of my best qualifications for this topic is before I met my beautiful girlfriend Tristan I was in a ton of terrible relationships and I just couldn't understand why no relationship I ever got in was gonna work out and listen check it out like I feel for Heidi like breakups suck and I have no doubt in my mind that Jared was not the optimal husband alright but like the thing is is that when we go through breakups I'm gonna be talking about this over and over whenever we talk about these relationships subjects especially breakups is that our confirmation bias plays a big role we want everybody to be on our side we want everybody to see how wrong the other person was and how we were hurt and what we deserve it you know how they need to feel bad for what they did to us right we always want to act like we did absolutely nothing wrong in a relationship and it's not even when it comes to relationships with significant others all our relationships with friends with family members and all that like if I want you to do this if you take a look at every conflict that you ever have and if you look at all those and you think that you're never wrong like it's time to really reevaluate your life like what are the odds that you are the perfect human being that has never done anything wrong and listen I'm talking from personal experience I live my life in this bubble of Chris where I thought I was just perfect and never doing anything wrong I still screw up to this day although my life is a lot better I still screw up but anyways I'll link the images that Heidi posted with her conversations with her therapist but I'm sitting there and I'm reading this and I'm like okay are you telling your therapist the whole truth because your therapist cannot help you if you do not tell them the whole truth like listen if you're getting therapy I understand it could be difficult to open up to somebody like especially if you're going to therapy for like trust issues or you have anxiety it's difficult to open up to them and one of the tricks that I use is because I always relate mental health to physical health I want you to do this imagine going to the doctor and you have a pain in your leg and the doctor says okay where does it hurt and you say it hurts in my hand right like the doctor is never going to help your pain if you lie to them and don't tell them where the actual source of that pain is it's the same thing with therapy if we don't go into therapy sessions or for those of you who are in recovery and working 12-step programs so it might be your sponsor like if we don't tell them like all the things that we're doing wrong how are they ever going to help us they might not be able to help us get to the root of the pain right and listen listen up all right therapists aren't stupid all right well most of them are stupid if you keep going into therapy sessions and every time you go into a session is about how the entire world is wronging you and you're just like this innocent perfect human being like they're gonna look at you like come on like let's let's get you to open up and dig down a little bit deeper but here's the thing when it comes to Heidi and just to kind of use this as an example to give some more context like I'm gonna read you some screenshots from other text messages as she sent Jared I hate bringing them up but this is exactly what I mean so I'm just gonna read what Heidi was saying to Jared because at least that would feel less like an insult to my dignity than staying quiet and pretending nothing's wrong which is what I've been doing for weeks okay I think I would like to take it to blank before the general public to be honest it would be highly embarrassing and unprofessional to everyone like at this point I'm fantasizing about sabotaging the game so bear that in mind I'm going crazy Jared upside down smiley face emojis emojis would be a bummer to destroy everything you've built but it would be way more of a bummer to destroy myself by putting up with it God I keep fantasizing about the nasty fallout bring it on I'm ready to go down with the ship to be honest I cannot live like this okay I'm falling apart cool f me man I wish I could destroy dice camera action that would feel so good that would suck for you but it would but would it really be unfair I probably sound really cool right now but this is the result of weeks of suffering I love to see someone who causes situation experience a fraction of what I've been feeling Jared I have been very patient and I'm telling you all this instead of acting on it because I'm still exercising patience but I need things to start happening like I really need it I don't know how to make that any clearer I am desperate that makes me dangerous I'm ready to start ruining all of your lives so again like I am not trying to discount Heidi's emotions or how she felt but when you look at this like we need to recognize that we play a role in these things too we are not always the innocent person we try to portray ourselves as this is why we have to look at ourselves and listen like I said I speak on this from personal experience okay so when I got sober seven years ago and finally got a sponsor like I said I blame the entire world for all of my problems I wasn't the problem my ex-girlfriends were the problem my bosses were the problem my co-workers were the problem everybody was the problem but my favorite quote that my sponsor just pounded into my head was this we make decisions based on self that later place us in a position to be hurt all right so what he was trying to get me to realize is there are many times where I instigate things I get the ball rolling like if I retrace the breadcrumbs I might have acted in a way that set certain things in motion right I'm not always this innocent little victim and this is what I pray to God that you learn as well so like when I first got sober my son's mom and I we were not on good terms we're on amazing terms now she's one of my best friends we have a great relationship and we co-parent my son like some boss parents but anyways when I first got sober I was always calling my sponsor up and I'm like oh my god can you believe she's saying this she called me this she called me that why she's so angry that I was like 30 60 days sober and I would just go off about her and my sponsor would always flip it right back on me he said Chris have you given her any reason to be angry and upset with you and yeah I did I gave her plenty of reasons aside from being a drug addict and alcoholic like all of the things all of the things that come along with it being a bad father being a bad boyfriend to her while we were still together like I did a lot of things that upset her and she had a reason to be upset all right I needed my sponsor to remind me of that every time I came up to him complaining about other people he would always ask me as I what was your part what did you do right now some people in you know this current climate call that victim blaming I call that learning how to take responsibility like my life got so much better when I started to realize how many of my own problems that I cause so over time I eventually got to my fourth step and those of you in recovery you know about that fourth step right but you start out by writing all of your resentments right towards people places situations institutions every person that you have a problem with I had a hundred and thirty three on my first four step and it's fall it's all fun and games at first you just writing down everybody you're pissed off at right but then you start to have to reflect and see what your part was what did you do in this situation right and as I was going through all these people who I felt wronged me and I was just this innocent victim I started seeing like oh man I was hurting people too I was doing this right and when I started to realize and I think this is where a lot of that therapeutic value comes when you start to realize that you want this perfect human being and you're not always the victim in these situations you start to empathize with other people you're like oh wow well look at all these faults that I have I want to be forgiven for these right so maybe I should start forgiving other people for not being perfect human beings either you know what I mean but again like this is difficult like this is why we have to have self-awareness and work on ourselves because confirmation bias will be the death of us when we feel wronged we're constantly looking for things to justify you know how we feel right and what our beliefs are so when I watch Heidi going through this publicly I'm like girl like I feel for her because I used to be like this right like when something happens to us we run around to everybody and we try to find all the people who are going to agree with us and that's not what we need in our lives I always say the best people in your life are gonna tell you what you need to hear and not what you want to hear all right this is why I'm so outspoken against enabling none of us are ever going to learn or grow if people just keep co-signing our BS all the time like when I was in my active drug addiction and my son's mom stopped letting me see my own son I was hanging out with so many enablers right they were like oh man Chris yeah I can't believe she won't let you see your son I'm like yeah right right the reality was like I wasn't giving up drugs in order to see my son those people were helping to keep me sick so that's why like if you have a therapist that you're seeing that doesn't point out anything that you're doing wrong might be time to see a new therapist but these lessons that I'm learning it's something that I try to teach my son now because I don't want him being this you know self-absorbed victim his whole life real quick story this one that pops into my head all the time I was sitting on the couch with my beautiful girlfriend Tristan and my son comes out of his room he was playing Xbox with some friends and he started telling me he's like hey how do I block this kid he's saying really mean stuff to me right and I'm just like huh okay and I looked at him I'm like okay Dylan what did you do right he's like oh what I'm like did you say anything did you talk crap to him did you make fun of him did it oh well yeah I'm dead I'm like okay I'm like well is it possible that both of you are just really upset right now and you're both gonna calm down and be friends again right so I wasn't trying to victim blame my son but I'm not going to blindly just believe that he did nothing wrong in this situation and don't get me wrong like there are going to be times in all of our lives my son's life my life your life where people hurt us completely unprovoked that's going to happen but the goal is to narrow down the scope and find out when we did contribute to our own pain and our own suffering alright so again like I feel for Heidi in this situation I feel for anybody out there who goes through a breakup but if you are seeking therapy if you want to improve you have to start being honest with your therapist with yourself with your sponsor with your support group whoever it is and you have to start admitting and acknowledging your own faults if you ever hope to improve and grow as a human being so on that note I do want to remind you make sure that you go follow ccb over on Instagram at the crimson kiss she is amazing I just guarantee if you follow her on Instagram and read what she has to say you're going to be like dang I'm growing as a person and I'm gonna get into some bomb relationships now all right anyways that's all I got for this video if you like this video please give it a thumbs up if you do make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell and a huge huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on patreon you're all amazing and a huge thank you to everybody else who supports the channel in other ways like buying merch like this cool shirt I'm wearing stay in the meowment with our cat Wyatt well my girlfriend's cat Wyatt and anybody out there who buys my books all right thanks again for watching I'll see you next time