 This was me at 13 years old, that haircut though. Now if you can believe it, this little doofus couldn't wait for the day that he got married. Maybe it was growing up in the Christian homeschool community where the beauty of marriage was talked about frequently and where every 18 year old, 19 year old was saying I do, at least that's what it felt like. I couldn't wait for the day that it was my turn to have that dream girl. That was where I went very wrong. When I was 18, I had this expectation that all this would happen and then none of it did. God was doing something different in my life but it took me a few years to realize that it was for the best. I'll talk more about that later. When I was 18, 19, 20, I had the deep desire to be in a relationship especially it was only amplified because a lot of my friends at the time were also getting in relationships so it just seemed like it was my turn. In my weakest moments I saw a relationship as a right. It was something that I deserved. After all I was 18, 19, 20, this is when it happens for people so why was God withholding this from me? It was some sort of injustice or punishment but it would usually lead me to self pity. This mindset that oh man my life is so much harder than everyone else's and everyone else gets what they want but God doesn't give me what I want. My pride would come in and say oh man I'm a great Christian guy who's strong in his faith. Why isn't this happening for me? But it felt like God was stubbornly ignoring my pestering. You want to know the truth though? The truth is and maybe you can relate to this was I wasn't ready. I wasn't. And I think some of the examples and stories and mindsets that I've been sharing with you exemplifies that very fact. My self pity, my pride, my boastfulness, my obsession with myself and what I deserved and my own needs. It was exemplifying that I wasn't ready to actually consider somebody else's needs above my own to humble myself before God and my future spouse to actually act in sacrifice and service towards them. Also and I've talked a little bit about this on the channel is that I've struggled with lust and I didn't have real victory in that area at that time in my life so I was definitely not ready. One example of that is that I was watching TV and movies that nowadays I would consider raunchy but back then I thought no it's normal you know everybody's watching this my age so it's okay I'm a strong Christian I can handle it. Those justifications were lies. They were just straight up lies and they were lies that would you know allow me to feel like I could partake in sin and that's something that I had not really found victory over. I was buying into those justifications thinking they were legitimate but now I can see right through them. The thing was back then I wasn't nearly as careful about not letting my eyes wander. I would think that oh you know it's not a big deal like I'm just watching this stuff it's not really doing anything to me it doesn't affect me but the truth is it does and the interesting point that I'm actually realizing is that marriage as well and I've heard this from a lot of my married friends and those online that have also spoken up on this issue is that marriage doesn't solve a wandering heart. You see deep down I had this belief that once I got into a relationship or I got married that my lust issues and that kind of wandering eyes wandering heart it would just be done away with because I didn't want to need to worry about it now I have the person I'm actually interested in and I care about so I would never do something like that but the sad truth is is that it is deeper than that it's deeper than just okay now I have a distraction now I won't go to those things even though maybe a little bit that might be true at the same time it's a deeper issue a deeper sin issue where our affections are drawn to the things of this world rather than Christ and we have yet to get that and check how do we even get that and check that's the real question how do we find victory in this area that is something that I've been learning over the last few years and I have numerous videos about that as well but one of the key things is submitting it to God honestly just saying God I give this to you in each day asking God for his power in his presence that is already given to us through the spirit that we have to overcome these temptations like we don't have to worry that we're not going to be able to overcome this on our own strength or you know we need this wife or girlfriend in order for us to overcome lust and temptation no God has already given us everything we need in himself that we can overcome these things and find victory and actually we should be finding victory in these things before we bring another person into the equation because listen to me guys and look I can't speak from this based on personal experience because by God's grace I haven't entered a relationship when I've really struggled with these things but based on stories that I've heard testimonies all sorts of stuff like it's just a very toxic terrible decision to bring somebody into your own mess and your own muck when you're wrestling with these things deeply yes we're not perfect when we go into a relationship I'm going to talk about that in a second but at the same time there are some key things that you should be looking to find victory over before you think about bringing somebody else into the equation and that's something that I hadn't done turns out God all along was looking out for me and maybe in your own life you can look back at different times in your life that it didn't make sense at that point like why are you not giving this to me God I really want this I think this is a good desire especially like marriage it's like it's a good desire right but at the same time there's a reason there's something going on beneath the surface that God is working on you or he's working on somebody else to make sure that when you go into that space if you're following him that it's going to be for your best and for his glory okay so fast forward on this a little update I've definitely found some key victory in a lot of these areas by no means am I perfect not even close and God is pointing out things to me daily that I need to work on now with all that being said there's not something that I can point out as a specific sin or struggle that oh once I deal with this then I'll stop being single it's a little easy to look back at myself at as 18 19 even 20 like three years ago and say okay that guy wasn't ready he was struggling with a lot of things he needed to find victory in a lot of key areas but then I look at myself now I'm like okay well God I kind of found victory in some of those key areas why am I still single and it can be easy sometimes to feel like God is punishing you for something that you did in your past you know and but it's just not true it really isn't and maybe you felt like this as well but the important truth is that God is not in the business of punishing the believer like you think about it Jesus took all the punishment that we deserve on himself past present and future sins he took all that punishment that he would put on us for our sins he put that on Jesus so that we can be clean and spotless that when Jesus when God looks at us he sees the righteousness of Jesus we are his child we got to stop thinking that God's just out here to try to like ruin our lives or like mess some things up for us to you know try to find retribution for something we did in our past it just doesn't work that way thank goodness and in fact when we're obsessed with this idea that God's out here to get us we actually lose sight of what God actually wants us to focus on when God withholds something from us that we desperately want he's once again teaching us to look to him for our ultimate joy and delight and not the thing that we want Psalm 1611 you make known to me the path of life in your presence there is fullness of joy at your right hand there are pleasures forever more I've become more and more convinced as of late that our primary goal is to bring God glory I love the way John Piper puts it God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him so when I look back and even now a little bit my joy and delight was found in the pursuit of a girl or this idea that this marriage my future marriage would be perfect or my wife would be perfect and complete me or you know make me happy or you know everything would be right in that moment I was trying to find my delight and my joy in her but Christ was trying to show me that he was the only one capable of fulfilling such a task I hope that's beginning to make sense but I want to take a little bit of a tangent here when I look back at that 18 year old kid he had fantasies and dreams of doing Bible studies with his future girlfriend or wife or late night prayer and all that kind of thing but I remember the time that I thought that why am I looking forward to this this like fantasy this idealistic you know life of doing Bible you know study and prayer with my wife if I don't even really do it consistently now like that's kind of crazy and I remember that shocking me that was a punch in the gut what I don't want you guys to do if you're in the same place is to feel like oh you know now I should just really try to become a great person in order that I'm that great Christian guy for my future wife or husband you know look I understand that and you know not all of that is bad you want to be the person that the person you want to be with wants to be with if that makes any sense at all but at the same time our primary motivation ought to be what kind of person am I oriented to Christ like am I growing closer to Christ and what is my motivation for reading the word and prayer is it to grow closer to Christ is it love for Christ or is it I want to be a good cool guy and appear like really spiritual to ladies like and you'd be surprised how common this is especially within the minds of guys I can't speak for girls but I know within my mind I'm like oh well I want to be really spiritually mature in order that I can you know get a good you know spiritual girlfriend and we can be this like spiritual power couple kind of thing and I'm like okay you know not all that is bad like yeah you want to be spiritually mature that's great and yes you want to serve your future wife well and that's great as well but what about Christ where is Christ and love for him in this mixed mix so don't get your priorities out of whack here's a key thing that I learned singleness is not just preparation for marriage this is big within the christian community guys I don't know if you've experienced this but I've come across way too many youtube videos that talk all about singleness and it's always in context to marriage and for a lot of folks like they're going to go right into marriage and like I understand that so in a way yeah like just based on where it's placed in a person's life singleness can be a preparation ground for marriage but at the same time look your goal your mission your purpose is you know connected to marriage if you're going to get married yeah like your wife your your husband is going to play a part in that but at the same time you need to be stepping into your purpose even now like are you evangelizing are you making disciples are you serving are you like where are you moving how are you using your god given skills and talents to pursue him even now so not just always an orientation to marriage and what this means about my future marriage and is this preparation for marriage but no is this preparation for the kingdom is this is this moving in the direction of making disciples and like that gets me excited because that's our true you know full purpose marriage is a gift and it is good and relationships are good yes awesome great but don't lose sight of eternity don't lose sight of the fact that when we are in heaven we are all one with Christ and like there's not going to be marriage going on it's just hey man we're going to be in perfect unity with Christ in his kingdom and that's our ultimate trajectory to pick you back up on the story God gave me the mercy of just being single and just being able to work on the ministry and that's been a complete blessing in my life look at the heart of it if you were to really ask me it's like are you kind of sad that you haven't been in you know a serious relationship I'm like yeah kind of but at the same time I I'm beginning to understand a little bit more of why God's doing what he's doing in my life and I'm not saying that there isn't disappointments there definitely is and that's something that I think it's important that we're honest with ourselves about like we don't always have to understand God's plan or be like yeah like God you're doing what's best I'm happy about it it's like okay we can have questions we can have doubts we can have emotion like that's not wrong that we feel discouraged or frustrated of waiting so long but at the same time it's it's this deeper understanding that okay God I don't feel feel good about this but I'm going to trust you anyway even when I don't know what you're doing and that's faith and in the midst of that we're learning to look to God for our joy for our delight for our satisfaction and that's something that we should be taking into any relationship that we go into that they will not satisfy us that we're not creating an idol out of them but it is Christ where we find that wholeness that fulfillment that joy that ultimate deep joy that ultimate deep delight thanks so much for watching this video if you enjoyed it subscribe because I'm putting out new videos all of the time I actually have a huge announcement coming on the channel very soon in the next few weeks so subscribe because you want to stay in tune with what's going on with the ministry I'm so excited about it I'm gonna put out a video in a little bit but you're gonna have to weigh anyway huge thank you to the patrons on patreon that make what I do possible it is so wonderful to have you guys on there we're actually so close to our next goal so if you want to help support what I'm doing here head to the link in my description and sign up today it would be a huge blessing I will see you guys next time God bless