 Did we offend anyone this week or last week? Not yet. Look, there might be some people... The week's not over yet. There's a couple of things here that are a bit touchy. You know what I mean? I don't know. Let's jump straight in. On this day in 2016, Conor McGregor was found to be using elderly men as sparring partners. The 80-plus-year-old men were lured to his gym with the promise of a game of bingo. Once there, the coaches put them straight in the ring and Conor would have 30 seconds to render them unconscious, with experimental moves like the no-look coward punch and the heart stopper, which is a straight kick directly to the heart. The elderly men would then be dragged from the ring and placed in a large industrial bin outside. It is believed that Conor sparred with the elderly men to improve his confidence. That explains his fucking attitude. Is he going to fight again? Yeah. Matt? Fine. He's going to fight Dustin Poirier soon, but he keeps saying he's working up to fight Manny Pacquiao. How old is she? 15. He's like 28, I think. Wow. I'm fucking old. Oh, hang on. I think he's 30. Let me check. Do you reckon? Matt's going to check. You can hear him typing, everyone. Listen. Listen closely. Yeah. Hear it? Wow. Way off. He's 32. 32. There you go. So he's all of an ass. So we've still got a few couple of years to reach that wealth if we were to compare lives or even to skills, maybe we should just start bashing dogs. Anyway, on this day in 2008, LeBron James invested in buying and selling helicopters. He would buy old damaged helicopters and fix them and then sell them, usually to fellow athletes. His helicopter business was booming until early this year when he recently sold one to his good friend, Kobe Bryant. Not sure exactly what happened, but there were a few issues with it and Kobe didn't really like it or something. Who's LeBron James? That basketball dude. Never heard of him. He just won the NBA championship of the Lakers. Well, it would be interesting to find out what happened to Kobe, the MAM who could Google it. Nothing on it, but LeBron James is probably the next best player since Jordan. That's crazy. Wow. They might get Kobe on here. I'll give him a call. He can come over with his helicopter. Apparently, he loves flying them. Is that right, man? Do you, Brent? Is that great? He likes flying. He's just a passenger, usually. Okay. Interesting. I'm not sure what's going on there, but I'm sure there's a joke hidden deep in there somewhere, isn't there? I have acne. On this day in 1987, Tony Robbins broke his snout while frolicking with other horses. They were galloping near the boundary fence when Tony stepped into a pothole. He snapped his knee and went flying face first into the fence. His snout was badly broken and needed nine steel screws in it to hold it in place. After the incident, Tony stopped playing with the other horses and thought it was time to grow up. He started his stand-up comedy career shortly after, and although his audience rarely laughs at his jokes, he still manages to sell out venues and has become very successful. His name in his... Is that... His name... His name in comedy. His name in comedy. Name a movie with Shallow Howl's Inn. That's Shallow Howl's Inn. Shallow Howl. Fuck, it gave it away. It gave it away. It gave it away. Tony Robbins is in Shallow Howl. I knew it. See? You fucked that up. Totally. You gave the answer in the question. Yeah, I'm just stressed. I got acne. My page is almost gone. In 2015, Paris Hilton released her new perfume range called My Menstruation. She developed the formula herself and even added her own actual menstruation in. Paris promoted a new perfume bot range by throwing buckets of the scent onto the audience during her DJing gigs. The bottles of perfume had to be recalled, however, when a number of people developed blood infections and three ladies even became pregnant from the perfume. My name is Matt Brown and I research these personally. Wow. Fun facts. This is going from last week's episode, we were talking about Nick Carter. Oh, yeah. He's from the Backstreet Boys. He dated Paris Hilton. Nick or... Nick. Nick did. And guess what? Talking about it last week, what pops up on my YouTube feed? Menstruation? Aaron Carter. Check Aaron Carter out. He used to be a little kid. Yeah, and now he's grown up. He's got a face tat, dude. He's got dreads and stuff in the moment. Nah, he's got a face tat. Man, it was entertaining. His interviews are great, but fuck me. Paris Hilton is putting around curious. If you want to feel better about yourself, watch those interviews. Anyway, I've almost lost my page. I would probably have a threesome with... Oh. Are you... I don't know if you guys know, but yeah, there's this massive, massive, like I'm talking at least twice the size of your average cow. Up in Rockhampton, there's this monster cow. What's his name? Brahmin. Brahmin with heaps of A's. It's a HHHH-man. Is it a man or a woman? It's a big old cow, eh? Oh, yeah. Like what breed or fucking sex is it? It's a Brahmin. Is it dairy? Nah, it's a... What do you call them? The Brahmin. Brahmin. Ah. It's a play on... Its name is a play on it. Words of a breed. It's quite a fucking dream that I had sex with a cow the other night. That could be a premonition. I want to go up to Rockhampton soon. That would be... That would be... Whoa. That would be a feat. And I reckon if we did it together, we could definitely do it. You would get stomped. As long as we fucking didn't kill it. You would get fucking stomped hard. We don't kill them. We just fuck them hard. Do they kick back when you go up behind them? No, no, it is a struggle. It is a big, violent fight. Let me tell you half of it. Let me tell you half of it right now. Okay. Next question. All right, let's read some of these secrets. Its next segment name which has been renamed to... I wish we shut all the fucking doors and it's realized. And this is a segment where we just read out your secrets. We don't mention names or anything. Your secrets are safe with us. We don't even look at the names. You can get your own secrets, secrets from your mother, secrets from friends, anything. We won't mention names. I promise you, your secrets are safe with us. Send them through. Yeah, just please. I once shut myself in central London. I was running around trying to get back to my hostel with shit all down my legs. I went to a train station bathroom to try and clean it up. I was literally trying to shovel my shit into the toilet. Didn't work so I managed to jump in a taxi and get myself back to my hostel. Thank God taxes in London have glass between myself and the drive because Jesus Christ I was sitting in my own shit. Man. Fuck. I've got way worse issues. I wouldn't even make him secret. I would take the undies off, put the shorts back on, like wipe your ass. Yeah. And then rinse the fucking undies or dump the undies in case you shit again because he or she has got diarrhea. So in case you shit again, you just hold it like unless the only times I fuck up is when I like, you know, when you go to fart, but it's not the right idea to do that. Shit. Yuck. It never gets any easier looking at that. Perhaps you should have gone away. I have to hear. I'm the decibel reader. Yeah. We've got headphones on, mate. You can bloody hear. You can hear it. Oh, it's such a thick air. It's grass. It's weedgrass. Dude. Oh yeah. Shit stories. Fucking the time that bathroom became just a shit storm, the time that there was shit all over me and my mum found me and the time that I couldn't hold a shit in, I shat all over someone's fucking lounge room floor. Michael's, Michael's shat a lot. I remember the time we fucking tried to warm ourselves from the shit. Yeah. Michael would use shit in jokes. We've told this story before. There was a period of time when, when friends would come over to Michael's house when he lived with his parents still and Michael would go to the bathroom and come out and just holding his shit in his hand, being like, Oh, what do I do with this to freak our friends out? Many, many shit stories. I remember everyone's like, wow, that's fucked. Really? It's not that bad. It's just, it's your poo. I have a memory of a friend of ours bringing a girl back to her house and He made it. And she never really met anyone before and you walked out with the shit in your hand and went up to her and was like, Hey, what do I do with this? Oh, really? And she was like, why? Like a fucking autistic boy or something. Not sure what to do with the poo. Let's put it in my pocket or something. Isn't that right? Isn't that right? Next secret. Tumano. It's a bruise. Swallow it whole. Okay. What happened? Nothing. Oh, he's got a choke. Dude, did you fucking, just fucking swallow it? Oh, I just did. It hurts. Yes, dude, that was very fucking big. Yeah, you're not meant to do that. I just swallowed an entire cherry tomato. You could have gone stuck. Can it still be something going to go wrong? Yeah, maybe. Jesus, you stressed me out. You're going to shit out a... Yeah, I want to see it come out whole. If it does come out whole, take a photo. No, no, can I wash it and eat it again? 100% again, man. Anyway, let's move on with what we're doing. And that's stunt time. Fuck me, swallow as a whole fucking cherry tomato. You told me to. Yeah, I didn't think you'd fucking do it, mate. Anyway, I think this is a little jar full of some sort of pills. Oh, man, it's like here. It feels like it's here in my heart. That's a big fucking thing, man. Your body has to break that down now.