 It happened, I have moved to a new video to do part two. Guys, typing in the chat so everyone in the old video can get to the new one. Why this crashed new video started. No, that's the dangers of being low budget. So one day we'll have enough people and funds that I can get like a webcam and decent internet and not have crash issues. Now that being said, part two is gonna be really short because we're just finishing the phrase I'm looking for. We're just finishing the spelling and grammar and that is gonna be really quick because we are almost at the end. So I've got the video up, I've got the new chat. Sorry about that guys. Thank you for joining the stream again. Let's finish this up, shall we? So we've got our discovery, certain auction lots deemed evidence, rerouted to various foundation holdings, lots of 36 containing, blah, blah, blah. Minimal documentation regarding lots of decisions was recovered. The only information noted for SBXXX was its ability to produce SBXXX1. No one on those properties were noted for the remainder of lots of 36. These items were sent to the website 81 library to determine if they contain any historical value or provide any information regarding a CPXX. Addendum X's, Alpha X's, 1.05. Okay, I have two questions about this. Number one is why is it, why is the item number in there twice? And my number two is why is it 1.05 as the incident? And I'm gonna open the notes real quick. You've got a poem, you've got an item, comic book, choreography, disease letter, articles regarding slaying, blood activation, shadow and watch, two keys, vinegret, loop and pincenne, lion metal, origin of the revolution before or header of battle. Okay, so a lot of that I can't decipher. Those are just notes anyways. Okay, the big long complicated titles are not a fact of an overdraft, cool. So typically your addendums, like honestly your format for your titles is interesting, it's not bad the way it is. I'm just gonna say what the usual is and like normally you have your addendum A or addendum one or addendum alpha or addendum something or addendum item number something and then you could have, because this is specifically an incident, so maybe it's addendum something or addendum item number alpha colon incident one or something like that. It was more the poem, that's what the SCB picture of the bouquet is. Okay, cool. Catch flies snowball with Juniper surround with the first set snare and the second keep bound with the third protect in the darkest hours from that which destroys to spoils or devours. It's a cool poem, that's sweet. Okie dokie. So yeah, addendum titles you can fiddle with, not a big deal, because it's okay to have elaborate addendum titles. There are a few more bouquets that popped up during intake testing. Okay, I see what you mean. And what you do it seems to be as your pictures are, I noticed it in your notes that 1.29 is extra incidences of dash ones basically. So that is dash one number 29. So now that I know that those are your notation for which bouquet this basically is, that makes a little more sense. That is literally as close to a secure contained protect bouquet. That's fantastic. That makes me happy in my nerd pants. Ah yes. I don't know why that's a thing I've said. I've never said that before. Oh God. Okay, so on June 21st, 2016, interesting notation of date, but that's cool, that's again, it's nowhere on the site, but I see that's an interesting way to notate it. And it's probably like technically correct or something. Two months after SCVX, and then ran a lot, somebody said for catalog and remained into safe storage in the library respectively. Okay, so the library, so we have a thing called the Wanderer's library, which is like what a capital library, the first thing I thought of, I was confused for a second, but then I came back to snapping into site 81. So maybe like remanded to safe storage in the library at site 81 respectively. No, that's still fine. That's fine the way it is. That was me just branding out on a completely separate subject. An instance of SCVX-1 appeared on Eric Carson's desk while she and her colleague were at lunch. Upon returning to her office, Carson picked up the bouquet, initially believing it to be a gift. Shortly thereafter, a researcher at Carson seemed to leave the administration wing, carrying SCVX-1.05. Okay, because it was an instance of SCVX-1, and then it was notated as 1.05, okay, so I can see that change. I figured the documentation that was itself non anomalous would show up in a library or records of some sort. Yeah, when now once, yeah, in a library records, when I think about where you would stick related stuff to an SCP or like non anomalous stuff, I almost feel like it's like a storage room or something, like a police evidence locker, a storage room, something, because I don't feel like we have a library of books that come from anomalies. I feel like we have a storage for things like that, maybe. I don't know. Gotta think about that a little bit. I'll come back to that one. Library, library, library. Yeah, a lavish game and building, an archive of some sort that the word archive probably gets the word done, get the job done, because then it could be damn near anything. Yeah, because a library that strikes books, okay, so yeah, we're gonna go, we caught the archive, that's not bad, that works. That's a place to hide things, store things. All right, so we picked up the bouquet, we went to the safe object storage area of site 81, denied entrance, detained by two security officers on duty when she could not provide a reason for her presence. She became increasingly bullet-driven to press for information, and I know we're changing all this stuff anyways, but it's still good to go over it for the spelling and grammar so that people who are watching can see that kind of critique in action and see that kind of stuff that they can either critique later or write themselves properly later on. So she became increasingly bullet-driven to press for information, this attitude persisting until she was subdued and relieved of, gosh, good, just like, bravo, the writing, the sentences are interesting, the writing structure is good, everything's clean, I don't think I've called anything out as incorrect spelling or grammar at all. Like, you have this sucker clean, I appreciate that. This one Officer McDaniel returned SCP-Xs-1.05 to Researcher Carson, Subdued Security Officer, W. Nesbitt, and allowed Researcher Carson to proceed to save object storage. I love semicolon stuff instead of shorter sentences. Once you know how to use a semicolon properly, it makes a lot more sentences, a lot more interesting, I feel like. And the only reason I know how to use a semicolon properly is because the webcomic, the Oatmeal. The Oatmeal did a whole thing on semicolons and that's the only reason I know why it's a thing. So when Carson located and removed the box and dating SCP-Xs from its locker, Officer Nesbitt managed to break away from Officer McDaniel and alerted Site Security. Researcher Carson emerged from, okay, so here's the thing, here's the thing, here's the thing. So at this point Officer McDaniel, all right, so there's that two persistence, until she was subdued and relieved of the bouquet by Security Officer McDaniel. At this point McDaniel returned it to Researcher Carson, subdued Security Officer Nesbitt and allowed Carson to proceed. While Carson located and removed the box, Officer Nesbitt managed to break away from McDaniel and alerted Site Security. Okay, so because all of the names bouncing back and forth, I had a little trouble keeping track of the action there when I first read it, but it is all sensical and alerted Site Security. Carson emerged, found herself confronted by a rapid response security team when instructors sat down, both the bouquet and the box and back away while placing her hands on her head. She could by sitting only, please don't put her back in there. She was so lonely. SCBXs-1.5 and the box containing SCBX were retrieved by remotely controlled drones, transferred to quarantine and secure examination room 825 with classification weighing of Site 81. During the briefing SCBXs-106, 0708 appeared in front of Carson McDaniel and Nesbitt respectively. The interviewers were quickly evacuated to permit remote retrieval and transfer of SCBXs-1-A to SCRA 25. While according to Officer Nesbitt was heard to mutter, at least she was sorry about it. I like how after you've said it once, you abbreviate it, that's great. Now that's a very interesting thing that not a lot of people do. That's a cool move. At least she was sorry about it. Upon continued debriefing, neither Carson nor Nesbitt had any explanation for referring to it as a she. Addendum 2 on 24th of June at this exact time, a total of blank instances that appeared throughout the sectors four, six and seven of Site 81. Personal vicinity of this procedure retrieved them and then evacuated the sectors or retrieved designated shelter in place locations while alerting staff not in vicinity of. So at this point, I believe that they are runaway bouquets and these people are being again compelled to flee because of the compulsion effect. Cause that's the only reason that every person who picked one up would run. And now that I see that, that makes again sense, but they could all take it as a warning because so what you need if that's not a compulsion in this sense, I'm considering that maybe everyone still gets the same bouquet but researcher, but our main researcher, Carson, also gets the bouquet, figures out the meaning and somehow realizes through like security footage that everyone in this particular sector has gotten that same bouquet that they should flee. So like some sort of train of events where everybody gets a bouquet as well as her, she checks the security footage, sees that one particular section got bombarded and causes them to flee. Maybe her bouquet is different like hers is warning and then she checks security footage around the site to see what the warning is, sees the other bouquets that say flee and has them flee that area. That's one idea I have for how to make that make sense without a compulsion. Okay, at the same time, an instance of SCBX-1 comprised of viruses appeared on researcher Carson's desk. She initially attempted to retreat from her office without interacting with SCBX-1, but a second instance also compared to viruses appeared at her feet as she opened the door. Understandably reluctant, Carson nevertheless picked it up and after a moment proceeded to site anyone library. Okay, so this is the first time or reports security. Here's the bunch of others showed up and interprets it and tells security to evacuate. That sounds like a great concept as well. That's a good idea. Now this is the first time in the skip that I believe you did not make the flowers a footnote. You say that there's an instance comprised of viruses, also comprised of irises, but I don't think anywhere else you pointed out the flower in the thing. Now that could be, that's probably because it's important to the story that we know that those are irises because speaking the flower language honestly I can't tell if it's any more important than any other one. I feel like if you're gonna put the flower arrangements in footnotes or you're gonna put the flower arrangements out of footnotes that consistency could be needed in this case because like very specifically during debriefing above in the above addendum 6, 7 and 8 are all the same compilation of flowers because it's the apology bouquets but those are in the footnotes. So the first time she gets irises, it's in a footnote and the second instance, you can say it's a duplicate instance, like it's the exact same instance if the story's still the same in that sense. But just so you're keeping with the flowers or in the footnotes thing, I don't know, that's not a huge necessity. I don't feel, I don't think that's gonna be a big deal either way. A pit at her feet as she opened the door, understandably reluctant, she went to the library, tucked inside the Lot 76 commonplace book was a page from a letter. It described a number of deaths following an unusual instance in a manner similar to victims of SCP-X which at the time was contained in sector four of the biohazardous wing of site 81. Something about my brain wants to about a hyphen between sector and four but I don't actually think that's correct. I think it's correct without a hyphen. Or I think it works either way. I think my brain likes hyphens for sector four but I don't think you need a hot siphon for sector four. In fact, I think it's better without one and I think my brain's just wrong. At this exact time on the recording equipment, SCP blank breach containment lead to a widespread contamination of sectors four, six and seven. Yeah, because especially if you're not, if you're doing multiple sections, you don't want hyphens. It is estimated that approximately blank casualties would have resulted had the mass manifestation designated event blank gamma one and subsequent evacuation not occurred. So I think in your addendum titles, you should have the word incident or event if these are incident, like maybe they should say event blank or incident blank depending on the situation. And then since July or since August, there have been blank gamma events forewarning loss of containment at site blank allowing for the prevention of containment loss in blank cases and minimizing casualties in the remainder of cases. These event have involved an STP of property similar to something described in a piece of ephemera ornitation contained within the lot 77 commonplace books, research and provenance of SCBX and other items comprising lot 76 is ongoing. Okay, so the last thing I'm gonna go with is the coincidence of things she has seen being contained in the site that she is in. So we know there are, okay, so it is supposed to be June again. You could also do as of August, 2016, although that would be a lot of gamma events, warning of breaches in a couple month period. So it might be better since that time because that makes it up to the current day which is two years. So since then, blah, blah, blah, blah. So yes, my only question is the luck that, the coincidence that there is this many items, at least double digit items in her book that are also stored at the same site she is. Now, that could be explained if the site, Southern Indiana is a Midwestern hub and she is from somewhere near Indianapolis. I was about to say, if everything is contained in the same area that she's from which your photography company is in Indianapolis, your person of interest was killed in Indianapolis and it's a Midwestern hub, Victorian, Victorian. Is after, so yeah, so the coincidence of all the things being contained near her works, it's explained, so that's good. And finally, God, I always get my time wrong. Like I forget how recently Westerns, like the old West was, is not that old because 1776 is Founding Fathers and then we had Victorian and the old West and gangsters and 50s and now. So like what I consider old timey is not that old when I'm thinking of American and European history. So Victorian was like through 1850 and 1903, which means, so it's weird because I never hear Victorian period mentioned in American history. So like I'm not saying this is a wrong thing, I'm just saying it's a weird thing that when you think of Victorian, my brain automatically goes to England, right? Is that the same for, is that just me or is that everybody else? Like the Victorian period still exists in America Yeah. So do we still call that the Victorian era in America? I guess we have to. But because the young couple is in Victorian attire, they're from Indiana. Are they, so are they American? Are they English transplants? I don't know, something about that sticks in my craw the wrong way. I never get to use the phrase sticks in my craw. It's such a weird phrase. Like Victorian era America, weird thing to say, but it's accurate. Like and in the East, it was a lot more like England than in the Wild West. Lavish asked if that would be colonial America, but not colonial was like the 1776, New York City. Pardon me, are you Aaron Burr, sir? Sorry, Hamilton moment. So yeah, colonial era would be earlier than that. We still hit again and those photographers were real. So like this is a real thing. And so that's just a weird thing that's gonna stick in my craw, but it doesn't actually matter because it's accurate. Okay, okay. No and I like that like the photographers are real. Like I use all sorts of like real things. It could make sense if they were from England, moved to America and kept their clothes as amazing Ellen, but like Americans still probably wore Victorian era clothes. Like Victorian fashion was still an American thing. No, don't leave the draft Sherman, stay on the page. Gosh, I open a page over here. Go open in my Google, coming over here. So if I put Victorian era America in Google, yeah, the Victorian era is named after a period from 1837 to 1901, the length of the rule, Great Britain's Queen Victoria, American Victorianism was an offshoot of this period. And lifestyle that occurred in the United States cheaply and happily populated regions such as New England and the Deep South. They're advertised in period newspapers and everything. Man, just, it's those things that my brain will register, but did in fact exist in our real life. Is this real life? Is this just fantasy? Okay, so guys, really I'm just riffing at this point. We have figured the, want a little more of a mind screw says, set pow to cot, oh gosh darn it, I forgot how I say your name. Sat, sat, pow, cot, a duck, sat, pow, cot, a duck. American writer, Edgar Unposed Life technically predates Victorian era, which is where it seems like he fits. While we were only taught in school about the English Victoria era, think Louisa May Alcott, more so than Wild Bill Hidcock. So, yeah, at this point I'm just riffing on how weird American Victorianism is as a thing that exists that I didn't know about, just never thought of. But yeah, we have made it through the skip and my final note is spelling and grammar are impeccable. Formatting is more technically accurate than most things on the wiki, which, okay, so here's one thing to be careful of. Here's one thing to be careful of. We have this problem, when you come from my background in theater and film and things like that, there's a lot of things we do in entertainment that are purposefully wrong for the sake of making sense in entertainment. A, in fight choreography and stage combat, you don't punch somebody the same way you would in real life. For example, the goal of punching someone in real life is you want your fist to travel the shortest distance between where it is and their face, because you want to give them the least time to dodge it. So a punch coming from below would come, bah, straight in from the body to the face, shortest distance between fist and face. But in stage combat, you wouldn't see that from 40 feet away from the audience of a theater show. So you have to wind up a punch before you throw it. And that's terrible form because if you wind up your punch like a doofus, they're gonna dodge it. They see it coming, they dodge it, but a real punch is too fast and too quick to read in theater. The same way your formatting's impeccable, it is technically more correct than anything on the site, the addendums all make sense, everything is accurate. It's important to look at it in the style. I'm not saying change it now, but I'm saying when it posts, keep an eye out for people saying it's too dense and it's too hard to understand and make sure your story is very, very well presented. You get that story cleaned up the way we talked about in the way that like presenting her story because you might lose some votes from people who can't read it at that level. So that's the one thing you have to worry about is you might be going over some people's heads because they don't actually read technical documents. Thankfully, it's not that dense. You did a good job of that already because if it were like a legitimate journal article, I can't read those. I cannot read journal articles. It's not a thing I phase out so fast. There's a reason I'm a liberal arts college dropout, but yeah, beyond that, the writing's impeccable, the grammar and all the punctuation, all this capitalization, I didn't find a single thing in spelling and grammar, I believe, wiki formatting, you've got it on lock, footnotes for days, but they can click on them. Footnotes are hard on mobile. That's my weird thing because in mobile, you click a footnote and it like blocks your screen and then you gotta poke it again and sometimes it doesn't go away because mobile formatting's weird, but on desktop, those are super easy. You're gonna look at the story structure and kind of flesh out bringing her into the spotlight a little more than person of interest, 707249. I can't wait to hear more about them. I'm still super excited, but yeah, that is everything. I think this was, you are like 99% like, this could go up as it is. I want more of the story of Victorian-era lady, so I'm looking for that, by the way. So is Shadalane is her name? So I can call her Shadalane, right? Excellent. So I look forward to hearing more about Shadalane's adventures. I look forward to hearing more about person of interest, 707249. Chopping him down doesn't seem, God, again, I hate to chop him down because it's such an interesting hook. It's just that I really wanna be able to jump to that story. And if you say, if people ask about it and you're like, I'm gonna write that story later, then I'm sure that'll be fun to crosslink to later because the Wiki's all about crosslinking. So when you do the story about POI 707249, that will be a good thing to crosslink to. Or even if you don't plan on doing it, someone will take that hook and run with it. And these misadventures are gonna spread and I'm very excited about that. So I don't think you should chop down POI, dude. I think you need to build up Shadalane. Shantalane, Shadalane, Shantalane. Shadalane, I think Shadalane needs more. I think keep POI as is, build Shadalane a little bit, communicating, maybe she gets an interview log where the flowers are deciphered in real time so that she has a book and she's scrambling to read the flowers, that way they can talk a little bit. Something like that. But overall, I hope everybody who is viewing this, not Karnacle, but everyone who's viewing this to help out, I hope that we all can learn a lot. It's Elisa. A Shadalane is a person who's in charge of a household, the one who keeps the keys to his heart and the spooky stuff and the investigates. Okay, and okay, so maybe Shadalane shouldn't be capitalized? Cause I thought that was her name. Just because it was, A, it's an interesting word I don't know. And it sounds like it could be a name. But because it was capitalized, I thought it was a name, but I thought that E was also important so that made me think that E was the person who gave it to her. Like the fiance is Edgar. And then the Shadalane is the girl. But Elisa is the Shadalane. So yeah, maybe, oh, it's also the title of the organization she belong. Oh my Lord, oh my Lord, this is so deep. It's so layered. It's a parfait. Oh my God. Jesus, this is so layered. My Lord, I can't, I can't wait. Cause then Shadalane is gonna be cross-linked later to other, to more stories. Oh my Lord, this is so good. Is this your first SCP? What else have you written? Like Jesus, my God, I'm so excited to like read more of your things, whether they exist or not already. This is really cool. Huzzah. Okay, so what I was saying, yeah. Build up Elisa. Elisa? Elisa. Build up Elisa. That way she is stronger as a character than POI 707 249 for now. And beyond that, your aces. Your aces, your aces, I'm excited. This is gonna be cool. Everybody who's watching, that's what I was saying. That's the tangent before I tangented. Everybody who's watching, I hope we learn a lot about technical writing from this. We have a legit chemist. We have someone who does this for a living and writes these documents. So we should all be learning from this draft. Like look at it, read it, check it out. First SCP, some Danny Phantom fanfic. Yes, amazing, all right, perfect. First attempt is some Danny Phantom fanfic. The second is this deep lore story. Oh my lord, what a jump. So gang, read this, learn about technical reading, take your examples, like fricking a, get this on the wiki so that I can share it with people and I'm like, this is what technical writing looks like. Because we need more examples of what the legitimate stuff is so we can all learn from it. Beyond that, thank you guys so much for tuning in for Site 42 Critique Lab. I am so excited. This has been a great show again. Beyond that, I hope you guys enjoyed your show. I hope you had fun. I hope you learned something. If you wanna help out the channel so I can keep doing more of these, check out all the YouTubey things below. We have a Patreon. We have a merch store. The merch store is a little light at the second but I'm working on that. We're gonna get some cool new things in. I've commissioned some artists. It's gonna be super cool. We're gonna get cool shirts. Patreon merch to help financially. Discord to stay in touch. Like, share, subscribe, spread the word. And beyond that, my name's Sherm. See you next time, Foundation staff. Peace out, poke you in the face webcam. Bye, bye.