 Colgate dental cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and help stop tooth decay and Palm olive shave creams for a smoother more comfortable way to shave bring you our miss brook starring Eve Arden Under the direction of Al Lewis Well, when you're living and working away from home a good friend and confidant comes in mighty handy Our miss brooks who teaches English at Madison High School is Fortunate and having just such a friend and her landlady Last Friday at breakfast miss brooks confided in mrs. Davis about her Thursday date I was out with mr. Boyden last night mrs. Davis. Oh, you don't have to tell me that Connie I could tell when I went in to wake you up this morning. How you were squeezing your pillow so hard Half the feathers popped out No wonder I dreamt that I was captured by Indians We had quite an exciting time though before mr. Boyden took me home What did you do? Well, he said he'd like to go to a movie So I very subtly steered him to the strand where they're showing Valentino Oh, is that the one about Rudolph Valentino the great lover? It isn't about Jake Lamarra It's really a very good movie and I was hoping mr. Boyden would take a slight hint and get into the mood Did the scheme work Connie did it work why halfway through the most torrid love scene two ushers had to ask mr. Boyden to leave Really Connie, what did he do? He giggled so hard. He dropped his popcorn Don't worry Connie. You may find romance sooner than you think that is if you take advantage of the article I read in this morning's paper what article it says that mr. Jacques bouvet of the French public school system is here in America to import teachers to France He arrived at Madison yesterday, and he's interested in any American instructors who can help Streamline French educational methods good for him But why an American teacher should go traipsing off to France to teach is beyond me But mr. Beauvais says that as an incentive the salary would be just double your present one Well, don't stand there pack my bag Double my salary, and I presume they'd pay all traveling expenses Definitely well then all I have to do is to sell myself to mr. Beauvais Where is he staying while he's in town? Mrs. Davis at the Empire Hotel? Hmm does the article say how long a teacher would be expected to stay in France at least one year Connie? Then I'd better forget about it. It isn't just mr. Boyden I'd miss I'd be lonesome for you Mrs. Davis and Harriet and Walter Denton and all the swell kids at school I know Connie then there's your principal mr. Conklin. Well, don't stand there pack my bag Look Connie even though we'd all miss you too, I'd like to remind you of the old saying absence makes the heart grow Fonder if you do go away for a year think of what your reunion will be like Yes, I can picture it now I trip lightly down the gang plank and there on the dock stands mr. Boyden as our eyes meet the scene is charged with romance and when he speaks it takes a long moment before his Passionate words penetrate my consciousness. What passionate words Connie long time. No see miss Brooks What have you done to your car walter looks different this morning prettier that's because you're in it lovely one I purposely picked up early this morning so you could take advantage of the bullet and I have for you bulletin Yes, ma'am. I read an article in the paper that says a high official in the French public school system is in town Looking for teachers and mr. Jack ways buvets That's Jacques bouvet walter. How do you know him miss Brooks? Mrs. Davis introduced me to the article this morning Aren't you excited? He's offering teachers an all-expense trip to gay Paris That's short for France I know he is that's why I've got to get to mr. Conklin's office Why mr. Conklin's office so I can get permission to take a little time off this morning I'd like to see mr. Bouvet before he's mobbed by the other teachers, but miss Brooks You know how old marble head and mr. Conklin is when it comes to giving people time off Well, I'll just have to think of some legitimate sounding alibi. I guess now. Let's see what sounds like a truthful tissue of lies You should never have brought this paper to my office Harriet the article about that Frenchman bouvet Rating our schools for teachers has upset me terribly But why daddy because I know school teachers That's why his offer of traveling expenses and more money will have them flocking to his wallet like moths to a flame They'll follow him to France like those dim-witted children who followed the pied piper of Hamlin But daddy mr. Bouvet is not only looking for teachers It says in the last paragraph that he's also offering high school principles double salary and all traveling expenses Paris in the spring The Champs Elysees Virgining blossoms in the wide balloon and hand me that paper, please Where the details in later addition run down to the new stand and fetch me the latest one Harriet But daddy you wouldn't let anything tempt you into leaving Madison. Would you calm yourself my dear? I have no thought of succumbing to the siren song of filthy Luca more over I intend to see to it that there is no exodus from my staff If I catch any member of Madison's faculty making a beeline for the Empire Hotel. I'll see Come in now. You run along pets that paper Harry. All right daddy. Hi, miss Brooks. Hi Harriet. Bye miss Brooke Bye Harriet And what brings you to my office so early miss Brooks an emergency mr. Conklin. I've got to make a beeline for the Empire Hotel Oh, you do Mind telling me why before you buzz off. Well, I've just got to get over there, sir You see I let me help you Have someone close to you some relative of whom you're exceedingly fond lies ill in the Empire Hotel You why yes, sir. That's exactly it. You took the words right out of my mouth. Well, don't worry about that I'll shove them back in in a minute Just which one of your relatives is it it's my grandmother, mr. Conklin. She's terribly ill poor dear soul Perhaps she'd feel better if you informed her of a rather startling fact Namely the Empire Hotel is recently erected annex of the Empire Athletic Club and it's strictly for men. So is grandma She's very popular. You see sir. She works at the Empire Hotel She's a she's a telephone operator there and yesterday. She had a terrible accident an accident Yes, sir It seems one of the other girls didn't show up and granny had to stay at the switchboard all during her lunch hour Well, finally the manager brought her a plate of spaghetti Spaghetti well, sir between her being so hungry and the switchboard being so busy granny got all excited and ate up three long-distance cars Tastrophic but miss Brooks I have a suggestion to make Supposing I accompany you to the Empire Hotel. It'll be a nice surprise for your grad But mr. Conklin, I just burst into her room and say Grandma what a big mustache you have And grandma what a big fat bankroll to be offering double salaries to teachers to lure them out of the country and Granny dear why on earth are you registered here a jack boobie? Well, miss Brooks is the jig up or isn't the jig up Charleston What a toothpaste What a toothpaste What a toothpaste What a toothpaste What a toothpaste What a toothpaste Colgate dental cream cleaned your breath while it cleaned your teeth and the Colgate way stops tooth decayed best Yes, the Colgate way is the most thoroughly proved and accepted home method of oral hygiene known today Over two years research showed brushing teeth right after eating with Colgate dental cream Help stop more decay for more people than ever before reported in dentiferous history The Colgate way stop tooth decay best no other dentifers a morniated or not offers such conclusive proof And you should know that Colgate's while not mentioned by name was the only toothpaste used in the research on tooth decay Recently reported in Reader's Digest so always follow the Colgate way to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and stop tooth decay best And the Colgate way stops tooth decay best Well, I didn't dare leave school during the morning session But at lunchtime I joined mr. Boynton in the cafeteria and told him all about Monsieur Bouvet when he heard that I was contemplating a trip abroad Mr. Boynton was grief-stricken and with ill-concealed panic. He finally managed to say Year in France, I do your world of good Yes, I guess it would but mr. Boynton a year is a long time I sort of expected you to say you'd miss me. Oh that goes without saying I I often think of how much we've meant to each other and well you might not believe this mr. Brooks But in the four or five years, we've known each other for years seven months three weeks in two days Yes Well in all that time, I I've never once that is Well, I yes, mr. Boynton. You never once what? You're the only girl I've ever taken to the zoo No idea what a feeling of security that gives me It may not seem like a very romantic locale Many's the time as we stood outside those cages. I got some pretty bold thoughts. You wished you were inside Oh, we have had some good times mr. Boynton, and if I do go abroad, I'll miss you more than just a little That goes both ways But this is silver lining in every clouds, you know remember absence makes the heart grow fonder And when you returned I'd be the first one to meet you at the boat Yes, ma'am. I'd be right there on that dock as you trip down the gangplank and what would you say mr. Boynton say? Well, I don't know offhand, but it wouldn't be anything teary or sentimental No, I'd probably just take your hand and get off some witty remark or other Like what? Well like long time no see. Oh That is a wham-doodle of a crack Perhaps we'd better drop the subject mr. Boynton after all my going to France is purely conjectural Monsieur bouvet may not even pay any attention to the message I left for him message Yes, since women are barred from the Empire Hotel I phoned and left my name and address at the desk mr. Bouvet was out So I just left word that if he wanted the good English teacher for overseas duty He could interview me at my place this evening. Well, everything happens for the best I suppose and still this bouvet has a lot of nerve to expect American teachers to go traipsing off to France to teach He's offering all travel expenses in double salary. I wonder if he'd be interested in a biology teacher You know, it might be quite a rewarding experience at that to teach abroad for a while Pardon me mr. Boynton, but I've got an important message for miss Brooks. Well go go right ahead waller Harry it just took a call for you in the principal's office miss Brooks. Oh, who was it? Mrs. Davis She called to say that mr. Bouvet phoned and he said he'd be over at your house at eight o'clock tonight. Oh, that's wonderful Walter Wait in the late edition of the paper It says that he's only accepting teachers who have a first-hand knowledge of France and its people and who speak the language fluently Fluently, but I haven't spoken any French since high school and I majored in Spanish at college. I Forgot most of the French I ever learned also. I guess we're in the same boat miss Brooks Well start paddling mr. Boynton. We're up the same creek, too It's almost eight o'clock missus Davis. Monsieur bouvet should be here any minute, but Connie You said yourself you don't know enough about French to read a perfume bottle How do you expect a landed job teaching over there? If I get the job missus Davis, I'll have time to take a refresher course before I commence teaching now Don't worry about me. I'll I'll get by this interview somehow if it's what you want Connie I can only wish you luck. I'll go make some tea now if you need me for anything. Just call. All right, Mrs. Davis Oh, that's him coming Bonsoir. I am a jaca bouvet. Oh, yes. I mean we Entrez miss you. Thank you You I presume a la belle box. I'm not anybody else la butt Let me take your coat and beanie a beret I'll hang them right here, mr. Bouvet now if you'll follow me into the living room Now shall we sit over here on the sofa? Oh, well now Tell me if you will something about your background. Do you I acquainted with Paris Paris? I always think of it as my second home. Oh, you've been there. I've never really left there mentally Oh The boulevards the cafes if you are so much of a Parisian at heart I would wager that most of all you miss the boy the balloon. I cry when I think of it That woman made me the best hats I ever owned But the City Park Well, that's what I like about Paris a park and have the same name as a milliner Could I get you something mr. Bouvet tea you'll be ready very soon or would you rather have coffee or nothing now? Thanks, I just like to get how you say a Acquainted, but why should I struggle so with the English you have the French no I have a little yes Dig my little set photograph. He la la la table c'est votre père. Oh, we we Et l'autre photographie c'est votre mari oui oui. Oh, je suis très content Oui, oui part. Don't name what? What oh what mrs. Davis, this is monsieur bouvet I'll put the tea sur the table Now if you excuse a moi, I'd like to speak with miss Brooks privately for one moment Come here Connie. All right, mrs. Davis excuse a mark to monsieur bouvet certainly What is it mrs. Davis? It's evident that I remember more of my high school French than you do you made a terrible mistake What did I do when mr. Bouvet pointed to that picture mr. Conklin? He asked you if he was your father and you said yes Oh, no, then when he pointed to mr. Boynton's picture and asked if he was your husband. You said yes again Mr. Boynton my husband What am I laughing at You've got to go back and tell mr. Bouvet the truth what and let him let him know I don't understand French I'm sorry mrs. Davis, but I've got to bluff this thing through until I land that job Yes, you wish Connie, but I'm going into my room and lie down this operation is too nerve-wracking I'll let you know how I come out mrs. Davis. Oh You're looking at my photographs monsieur. Oui madame, but perhaps I should talk the English It will help me in my interviews with other Americans nespa. Oh pa pa Your husband is very charming, but one thing I do not understand why you call yourself miss books when he signs this picture Monsieur Boynton Well here in America we girls who teach school are allowed to use our maiden names But I do hope you'll have the opportunity to meet mr. Boynton. He's a charming person So devoted so thoughtful and so affectionate So come in It's not locked entree Good evening, mr. Brooks mr. Boynton. I hope you don't mind my oh you have company Mr. Boynton allow me to congratulate you. You have a very charming wife. I have where Isn't he a scream What a sense of humor darling your husband is funny Funniest thing since murders in the room or Give me your hat dear. I'll explain later mr. Boynton. Just smile all right After my own art mr. Boynton devil make hair and your wife has told me how affectionate you are Affectionate. Well, don't just stand there kiss me you fool Please miss Brooks, please listen to him beg Dearest let's have it. Oh Our romantic but permit me to make the introduction. I am mr. Jacques a bouvet Monsieur bouvet, but of course The sweet trade joyeuse bonsoir mon ami Like that I pucker and he kisses him Monsieur bouvet. I've always wanted to teach biology in gay perry. You alone can make my fondest dream come true Well, uh, frankly, I have several biology teachers already contracted Somehow perry seems to lend itself to biology And vice versa But of course if I accept your wife, it would be a shame to separate you especially if you are Really so madly in love with her in love with her I lose my life and my wife. Come on Miss Brooks, we pucker up again mon cherie Why pierre boynton? There will be time for that later Marshall plan or no Marshall plan this guy has got to go What is it you want to tell us monsieur? Well, um, I have come to the conclusion that married couples are best for my purpose Single teachers might get lonesome after a short while and then poof back to america. They come leaving me clutching a valise Clutching a valise holding the bag Don't have to worry about that with us. We'll stay the full time Oh, but of course it is only fair to tell you I have interviewed other couples some married 10 11 years and with big families The priority will go of course to those who are married the longest time Oh, we've been married a very long time. How long real long real real long The door was open. So I just oh, I didn't know you had guests miss Brooks Oh, that's all right, walter. Yes. Come on in walter monsieur bouvet. I'd like to present our youngest son, walter Into the kitchen and feed your fat little face You heard your mother's son. We're discussing business with monsieur bouvet Oh, you're monsieur bouvet Oh, we oh bun swore monsieur Come and tally voo say swore Translation. Goodbye, mr. Bouvet. I've got to feed my fat little face You are a great family You ain't seen nothing yet. Just stop by oh, oh you have company miss Brooks. The more the merrier do come in I recognize you from your photographs monsieur You are papar lovely daughter monsieur such a sweet face just gaze upon her Gaze upon her my daughter's at home But of course she's at home. I have been talking with her for the last 10 minutes Sir, either you have an extremely loud voice Or you're as wacky as a dodo bird Kiss kiss a dodo bird. Oh, it's it's just a colloquialism, sir Dad here is a great little kidder Court monsieur bouvet to the door monsieur bouvet. Oh, I should have known bull swam on me. Just be treasured Fucking I've got to get myself a tuxedo Thank you bouvet. I'll come right to the point at first. I refuse to be tempted But as one of the nation's more efficient high school principles I feel I owe it to your country to volunteer my services until your educational system is once again flourishing That is a most kind. Of course, I'll be frank with you, sir I'm also interested in the fact that you're offering double salary. Oh, oh that Oh, I'm afraid monsieur the american press has made a slight uh, how do you say, uh, miscoting What did they misquoting will you see we are offering double your present salary, but it is not in dollars It is in france in france. That's much less than we're receiving now Oh, we'll do think of the experience. No, if you will all want to sign up I will get the paper just a moment. Monsieur bouvet. I'd like to hold a little caucus with papa and pierre and sunny Gather around friends. What'll we tell him miss Brooks? Well, I think we ought to say something like this Yes, that that sounds just right to me in between us. We ought to know enough french to give him the whole thing in his native time Let's see the first word is fish a and the next is Then comes camp fine. Monsieur bouvet Fiche le camp comment translation hit the road Brooks returns in just a moment now the case of the close scrape featuring charles neilsen department store buyer Here's what mr. Neilsen told us listen Here's exactly what happened Shaving was just one close scrape after another for me And then I discovered palm olive lather shave cream and a new different way to shave Palm olives oceans of rich thick lather ended my worries about scrapes burns and nicks Well, even in cold or hard water that palm olive lather way is super smooth super comfortable Take charles neilsen's advice men the new palm olive lather way gets beards really soft And it provides a protective film that actually floats your razor's cutting edge You get a clean close shave every time without worry about scraping or nicking even in cold or hard water charles neilsen and 1200 other men tested palm olive lather cream Following package directions and three out of four reported smoother more comfortable shaves the palm olive shave cream way No matter how they shave before better get palm olive lather shave cream Remember even in cold or hard water the palm olive lather way means smoother more comfortable shave Now once again here is our miss brooks. Well after monsieur bouvet left mr. Conklin and walter said good night And that left just mr. Boyden than me. Well, I guess we won't be going to paris this year But maybe we'll get another chance. You know miss brooks. I've often dreamt of being in gay paris with you You have mr. Boyden. Oh, yes indeed if we were there I'd take you to the most romantic spot on the continent la maison des animale What is that mr. Boyden? That's one of the biggest zoos in the world Mr. Boyden take a letter dear Lafayette, not only are we not there, but we ain't coming It's best for burning at the tune in next week to another our miss brooks show Brought to you by palm olive shave cream for a smoother more comfortable way to shave And cold gate mantle cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and help stop tooth decay Our miss brooks starring eve arden is produced by larry burns written by al lewis and joe quillen with the music of wilbur hatch Listen to this with marvellous vell v e l you can save 90% of dishwashing work A quick soak in vell suds gets dishes and glassware shiny clean Even if a bit of food should cling a touch with a dishcloth gets rid of it fast Yes bells activated suds lift off and carry away food and grease So all dishes need is a quick rinse and they dry sparkling without washing or wiping all pots and pans need is a soaking with vell suds Then you can wash them shiny clean without hard scouring. What's more vell is a miracle of mildness So get new vell save 90% of dishwashing work If you like mysteries that are as full of chuckles as chills be sure to listen to mr Mrs north every tuesday evening over most of these same stations And be with us again next week at this same time for another comedy episode of our miss brooks bobleman speaking 18 now for jackman