 Well hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, if he pulls away, ask him this, don't lean back. Okay, you've got to ask him this. I'm going to share this in a moment. Really quickly, if you've been watching my channel for a while and you notice that the photographs keep changing, that's because I bought a gazillion of these things called mix tiles, mix tiles. This was shortly after Connor passed away. I felt the desire to get all the pictures I could of him and they're plastered throughout all my house. They have these sticky things that you can stick on the wall. But anyway, that's what happens. And if you've noticed a change, please post a comment below. Mention, I've noticed all the pictures keep changing. And by the way, that's a picture of my mom and dad. Okay, when a man pulls away, ask him this, don't lean back. Okay, now let me share with you why men pull away happens to be one of the most popular search terms for women because they've noticed that in this dating process, in this form of the dating process, certainly for those of us in midlife, men seem to rush the process of getting close and then they pull away, they emotionally pull away. This happens frequently. Now, most of the time this happens because men aren't crystal clear on what they want in relationship. Men aren't crystal clear on what they want in relationship. It was a lot different for men, at least I know for me as a baby, you know, tail end of a baby boomer, almost a Gen Xer, I had a programming. It was go to college, get a job, meet a girl, get married, buy a house, start a family. I had a blueprint, but the challenge for men at midlife is they don't have a blueprint of what a healthy relationship looks like when you're doing it the second, third time around. So a lot of men don't know what they want. So the minute the relationship gets a little bit too emotionally intense, they pull away because they're not prepared for it. And I know you ladies all want that 1% guy, that one or maybe it's the 10% guy who is crystal clear on what he wants when he likes you. He's demonstrative, he's effusive, and he's all in literally from day one. I know that's what you want, but that's not all men. In fact, I'd say about really only about 50% of men are genuinely capable of leaning into a healthy happy relationship. So this is why when a guy pulls back, it's important not to do this lean back. And the only reason why I over dramatize the whole leaning back in my videos is that you've been coached by a lot of coaches to lean back, which on some level is good. Lean into your sovereignty. Lean into your personal empowerment. Lean into your self love, which I talk about frequently. In my book, what the heck is self love anyway? Lean into your self love. But there's this notion that by leaning back, it creates space for the man to come to you. And that ain't gonna fucking work, ladies. And it's only gonna work on the guys who have anxious attachment style because they feel abandoned and they immediately want to rush after you. This isn't gonna work on those avoidant personality types, okay? And if it does, it's only temporarily. What you really have to discern is what is his true capability of being in relationship. And that's what I want to invite you to do today. So if you're not familiar with the book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, okay? This book teaches you how to communicate more effectively. And ladies, I know you think you're these great emotional communicators, but I'm gonna tell you, I'm shocked at how many women are afraid to speak up to a man because you're afraid they're gonna run away. And part of it is merely because you haven't learned the skills to communicate in a way that you can be seen, heard, and understood. Hence why I want you to get the book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Because in my book, What the Heck Is Self-Love, there's chapter one, Speak Your Truth, Do It With Kindness. We're gonna talk about that in a second. And then later on in the book, there's a chapter called If It's Sincere and From the Heart. You can never say the wrong thing to the right person. So I'm here to say, Speak Up! And when a guy leans back, he pulls away, I mean, short of even ghosting. Don't do this lean back because what leaning back does is create anxiety for you because all you're thinking is when's he gonna call me, when's he gonna call me, when's he gonna call me? Well, guess what? You have to call him or you have to reach out to him. This is the only way to navigate this. And that starts by asking him, What the fuck is going on? All right. I curse there. And you're not gonna say what the fuck is going on, but that's kind of what you're trying to ascertain. Hey, I feel that you've pulled away a little bit. I'm checking in to see what's up. I feel you've pulled away. Okay, you're using a feeling word. I feel I'm feeling a little bit unclear because you're not as communicating as much as you were before. And I'm just checking in to see where you're at. By doing that, you initiate the process of whether or not he's going to lean into you or he's gonna ghost. Because if he doesn't respond, then you can say, Fuck you, buddy, move on to the next guide. Learn the words next, okay? Learn the words next. But by doing this, you've actually shortened your anxiety level because I've talked to women who are waiting weeks and weeks. They're giving them space. They're giving the guys space. I'm giving them space so he can come to me. But he ain't doing shit. That's because you don't give a guy space. You ask him what the hell is going on and get clarity so you can make a choice going forward. Now, let me grant it. You can bail on him. He pulls away. You can bail on him. That's certainly something you can do. But it's gonna be gnawing in your head. Let's be real. So go ahead and ask him, I'm simply checking in. What's up for you? You have to recognize that most men and women alike are struggling to find their own emotional center. This is why I'm a big proponent of personal development, self-help, and spiritual work. In my book, I talk about the roadmap to do that inner work so you can find inner peace. And guys need this substantially. Do me a favor, ladies. If you know a guy that just any friend, male friend of yours, buy my book for him so he can start growing as well. Give him the invitation to improve from the inside out so he can have his own sovereignty so maybe he doesn't ghost or disappear or pull away for the next woman. It's just a suggestion. Ask him what's up basically checking in. I say what the fuck's going on but you know you're gonna do it a lot nicer with a lot better tone. And read the book Nonviolent Communication to help prepare you. All right. Once again, if you find value in the work I do and you'd like to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Check out the link below. Check out all the links, my podcast, my book, my free gift and everything. I'm gonna wrap up this video. I always do giving myself a big gigantic job to bear a hug of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives.