 And then he said he's going to talk about Rivalwale-e-Ainbid as it relates to speech, actions, the heart and wealth. And we went through speech. It was about how to speak to them and all of the various narrations taken from the Qur'an, the understanding of the early generations. And then he went into how to respect them according to the body. And he said that not walking in front of them, we discussed that and the exceptions to that rule, and advice on how to apply that with our children, especially when they rush into the house or you come to the Meshjid and they just dart and just run off. Especially if it's like a dart parking lot. How many of you have our parents and you see your kids just dart off and there's cars moving around. So even in those situations walking behind you might be more beneficial. There's a video that went viral a couple of years ago of a guerrilla, a troop of guerrillas that were traveling in a jungle and they came out to where there was a road and there was a number of cars. And the silverback, the father of the troop, he kind of looked out of the jungle. He walked out, he stood in the middle of the road. These creatures are very big, taller than a lot of men if they stand up. And then out comes this whole troop, like 20, was like a bunch of adults and then kids. And then he just stood in the road looking, making sure that the car is on both sides. And then once everybody had crossed over the road, then he looked and then he walked back. And so even in the animal kingdom that idea of the men being the protectors of the families, we see that. So when you, as the parents, you know, you're making that decision on when they're walking in front of you, when they're walking behind you, when you want to keep an eye on them, but at the same time also remembering that there's an etiquette of how they should be around you. Then he talked about the orders and if your parents order you to do something, when you have to obey them and when you don't have to obey them. One of the principles was if it's not haram or harmful. So if they tell you to do something, if they ask you to do something and it's haram, of course we don't obey, but we decline respectfully. And if they order us to do something that's harmful or unreasonable and we went through examples of that. And then we ended on the principle of what happens if your parents order you to do something, but it goes against the edad, the etiquette of how you should be with them. I mentioned two stories from the Sahaba, Abu Bakr al-Siddiq and Ali, where the Prophet ﷺ had ordered them and it went against the edad. The other proof that we follow the order over the edad is actually found in the Tashahud. So normally when we mention the name of the Prophet ﷺ, what is the etiquette of mentioning his name? What are some of the etiquettes? Salawat. Salawat, same Salawat, what else? Sayyiduna Muhammad, our master Muhammad, or what else? If we say Muhammad, we should say Sayyiduna Muhammad. Or if we don't say Muhammad, we say Rasulullah, Nabilullah, Habibullah. One of the honorific titles that we refer to. So that he's not just treated as some random person. And sometimes, have you ever heard people just refer to the Prophet ﷺ as just by his first name and they don't put the Salawat and they don't put a title? And it's like, who are you talking about? Your neighbor? You know, your younger brother? Are you talking about your younger brother Muhammad? Your neighbor Muhammad? The shopkeeper Muhammad? Or are you talking about Rasulullah? If you're talking about Rasulullah ﷺ, add that honorific title. But one of the proofs that we actually go with the order over the edad is in the Tashahud of the prayer. So think about the Tashahud of the prayer. Right? We do the shahada. But we don't say Sayyiduna Muhammad Rasulullah. And in the shahada, we don't say, you know, Ashadu an la ilaha illallah wa ashadu an na sayydana Muhammad an abdouh wa rasuluh. Which is true, it's linguistically it would work. Theologically it would work. But is that the way the Prophet ﷺ ordered us to say the shahada? And is that the way that he taught us how to say the Tashahud? And is that how the shahada is presented in the Qur'an? So here we see Allah SWT giving us the formula that we should use, open order. The Prophet SAW giving us the shahada, the tashakhud, but we dropped the Sayyiduna in that situation. So that's a proof that some of the scholars said, well, in certain situations, even that the order overrides the edam. So it's a fine point, but you can utilize it in your interaction with your parents If they ask you to do something, but you just feel like, I know you're telling me to do this, but I just don't feel like it's proper, it's not respectful of you. The same thing for your children. Be conscious of that, because they might be in this situation. After I went through this text one time, what we went through the section of obeying your parents, and then he's going to talk about even sitting down before your parents, eating before your parents, that the edam is that you should not start eating until your parents have started eating. You should not sit down until they've sit down. So one student, he said, his mother made him some food, and she gave him the plate, said go sit down and start eating. And so he sat down at the, or he stood by the table, and he stood up, and she looked over, and she's still preparing other things for the meal. She said, why aren't you starting to eat? And he said, well, because the edam, the etiquette, is that I should not sit down. I learned from my teacher after studying this book, the etiquette is that I should not sit down before you sit down, and I should not eat before you eat. She said, yes, but I'm giving you an order to eat. And so then he went ahead and eat. And I explained to him, I said, that's when I told him about this discussion of the order and the edam. So he was following the edam in that situation, and the mother was following the order, but what she wanted in that was the child to follow the order. And for those of us who have ever been in parents, you know that rush situation where you might tell your child to do something, and they say, well, I want you to eat, I want to eat with the family, I don't want to sit down. They might start mentioning the edam, they want to follow the edam. And that's a good sign, that's a sign that you as the parents have actually instilled in them that etiquette, that they can have this attention to details and to subtle things. In fact, some of the ulama, when they looked at edam, like if somebody would say, what is edam in the tradition of Islam? When we say, you know, have edam, maintain edam, what exactly is edam? And some people might list that, you know, edam is this and edam is that. Others say, no, edam is actually America, which means it's an expertise or a second nature that you develop. And so after working on something time and time and time again, eventually it becomes part of you, and you might be in a situation where you feel something is right or something is wrong. You don't have an exact understanding of what, you can't put your finger on it, but you feel this is the right thing to do. And so that's one of the concepts of edam, that you're in a situation and you feel, okay, I understand the ruling, I understand what we have to do with this, we're not going to compromise on our religion, but what would be the proper way of presenting this ruling or applying this ruling in this situation? That deep connection to the deen is edam. Then Sheikh Mohammed Mubud mentioned that if your parents tell you to do an act of worship, not a wajib, but an extra act of worship, that at that time it actually becomes an obligation. This is a very interesting hookup. That according to many of the Fulbaha, if they tell you, okay, I want you to go pray your Sunnahs. How many of you are our parents and you haven't told your kids, I want you to pay your Sunnahs? Well, it's just Sunnah, right? Well, when you tell them to pray the Sunnah, it actually becomes an obligation because by not doing it, they're bothering you. And we're going through this whole science of not bothering the parents and honoring the parents as long as it's within reason. If the parents tell you, oh, I want you to get up and pray two hours of Tahajjud, is that reasonable? No. Two rakahs before Asa, two rakahs before Lohu, two after motherhood, that's reasonable because even especially the way children pray, we'll only take about 30 seconds or a minute, right? But the same applies also to us as adults. If our parents ask us to do something and it's an act of worship and it's not going to harm us, it's not going to take us out, it's not going to be unreasonable for us to try to do this, then that actually could become an obligation. So it says, in أمرابي طاعتين و جبتي كداك مكتصفة بالكراهتي. Another interesting thing is that if they tell us to do something Makru, then it actually becomes wajr to do it. And not the Makru that's a sin, but a Makru would be something like, say for example, if a person is going out of the house to the Masjid, to attend the prayer in Jama'a, it's سنة to attend the Masjid in Jama'a. If a person is able to attend the Masjid in Jama'a and does not go, it's Makru, it's dislike. Dislike to pray on your own when you have the ease and the opportunity to pray with the Jama'a. What if somebody is walking out of the house and the mother says, no, no, no, no, stay here, please, please, just stay here. You pray on your own and just stay here. Finish, have a meal with me, have some tea with me or something. And a person in that situation might say, oh, wait a minute, this is the Salah, this is the Jama'a, this is praying in congregation, praying in the Masjid, it's so important, which is all true. If you look at the way the Prophet, peace be upon him, how he established the Jama'a in the early generation, it was true, it was very, very, it was core and it was essential. They would actually look at the Jama'a and the people who are not there, what did they think about that? They're sick. What's that? They're sick. They might think they're sick, but the people who regularly did not attend the Jama'a. Hippocrates, it was one of the signs of the Jama'a name. They didn't come to the Jama'a a lot if they could avoid it. And if they did come, they came just kind of like walking slowly and when they get to the prayer, it's just kind of like lazily, whereas the Sahaba, a lot of them were running to the Jama'a to the point that one Sahaba, one time he came into the Masjid and he was, we've all seen the brothers that come to the Masjid like running, right? We also know that the brothers and maybe even sisters who double park and park in the red zones, every Masjid has that issue, right? Parking and illegally parking to get to the Jama'a. And so the Prophet, Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, addressed that. He said, if you come to the Jama'a, come and you have Sakina and Waqar about you, have tranquility and dignity. So don't come rushing. So even though it's important to pray, and he said, if people understood the edjab that is in the Jama'a prayer, the Risha prayer, they would have come what? How would have they come to the prayer? Hauwa, crawling. They would have crawled. So he's telling them, come to the prayer. Even if you have to crawl. And when they start running, no, no, no, hold on a second. Okay, it's important to come, but come with the edjab, the etiquette. So yes, here's a sunnah, but there's an etiquette, there's an edjab in coming to the love and desire for certain acts of worship, override other elements of the sunnah. We have to look at the sunnah. So if we're running to the Jama'a, that's not it. We're not following a sunnah to reach a sunnah. If we're illegally parking to get to the Jama'a, we're double parking and blocking somebody in. At that point, we're actually doing something haram to get to the Jama'a. And so this is the edjab that's mentioned where if the parents tells a child, please I don't want you to attend, the Jama'a stay with me. Now this is normally Makru, but they said, okay, well here's a dilemma that we have. It's Makru, the parent is telling you to do something Makru, but upsetting them is what? Haram. So now we have to weigh out what is the lesser of the two harms in this situation? Ahafu gharaneh. And they said, go with what the parents want. Unless it becomes consistent. If the parents are always telling the children, no, no, no, no, no. And there are some parents, once they start seeing their children become more observant. Oh, you shouldn't grow a beard. You shouldn't wear hijab. You shouldn't go to the masjid. All of these things are, it's a type of, if a person obeys whoever's telling them, whether it's a teacher, whether it's a parent, or whether it's the government that's saying, don't have this element of Islam, don't have this element of Islam. They said, this is a method of distinguishing the light of the sunnah and the sharia. Nobody has that right to do that. That's why for the people who are in that situation, the Quran has mandated hijab. If you can't practice here in Mecca, go to Medina. And so hijrah has always been a part of our deen, and one of it is so that we can have the shair of the deen. We can have these outward symbols of the deen. So nobody, including the parent, have the right to change that. But once in a while, if they ask us to do something that's might be disliked, we shouldn't allow a type of arrogance. It's like, how dare you tell me to do something makhub? No, understand what the ulama have said. For this parent specifically, this is not something that's given to anybody else. That the harm of upsetting them and avoiding that overrides, sometimes doing something that's makhub, disliked. It's not a sin, it's disliked. An example of this one time, Imam Malik came into the masjid. And if we read about the story of Imam Malik, there's actually a hadith where the Prophet, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, said that there will come a time when people will be the livers of their camels, meaning they will travel like very hard. They will go east and west and they will not find anybody more knowledgeable than the scholar of Medina. When Imam Malik came, they said this is who the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was talking about. Imam Malik was born in Medina, he was raised in Medina, he died in Medina, he only left Medina to make it the hajj. He never rode an animal in Medina. If he had to ride an animal, he would take it outside of the city because he said, I don't want to be on an animal in the city of the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. He never wore his sandals in the city of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. He, before he began teaching publicly, he got permission from 70, 70 of the highest scholars of Medina at the time. He had people who could come to him and he studied with Tabe'een who had studied with the Sahaba. So he was a very high level scholar. One of the four schools that have preserved Islam, Sunni Islam is Imam Malik. Now imagine his, I'm just prefacing that to see like, now he walks into the Masjid and he walks in after Asr and he sits down. And a random person from Medina, some say it was even a child, says, you need to pray Tahiyyat al-Masjid. This is Imam Malik, one of the preservers of the Sunnah. If somebody knows the Sunnah, he knows the Sunnah. And according to him that the Tahiyyat al-Masjid Nawafil is Makru after Asr, even the Tahiyyat al-Masjid. So he sat down. Well, when this person, when this just average person from the city told Imam Malik to pray, he stood up and prayed to Rakaas. So even though he says it's Makru to pray after Asr, even if it's Tahiyyat al-Masjid, this person says why didn't you pray and he gets up and pray? Why did he do that? He's not being hypocritical, but people want to know why did you do that? So somebody asked him, they said why did you do that? He said because in the Qur'an, Allah SWT says, وَإِذَا قِلِ لَهِ مُرْكَعُوا لَا يَرْكَعُونَ And when it is said to them, meaning the disbelievers, اِرْكَعُ, you know, pray they don't pray. He said, and I didn't want to be for those people. So somebody just told me pray and it wasn't a time this haram. He's like, well, so he's looking at two different things. He said, according to his understanding of the sunnah, that's actually dislike to do. But at the same time, the Qur'an is talking about a general principle of one of the descriptions of the disbelievers is that when they are told to prostrate, to actually to do rukor, meaning to pray, they don't pray and I don't want to be from a month's here. So how many times have we been in situations where something may be permissible according to the sharia, but there's just something where like, I can't do that. Like my endeavor about this matter, I can't do that. An example that comes to mind right now is the halal bacon that has become very popular, right? Anybody know Muslims here that are like, I don't care if it's halal, you know, slaughtered by the most righteous person on the face of this earth, I'm not eating halal bacon. Anybody know like Muslims who won't eat halal bacon? Yeah? And one of the reasons is, is because they're like, it's just so similar to what we're not supposed to be eating. And so it's not that it's haram, just that this person's edam, their etiquette is not allowing them to do them. So then Muhammad Monod says, also about the regular sunnas, that the parents have no, they don't have any right to tell a child to stop them. So the regular sunnas, they should be established individually by the community and nobody has the right to stop them. And this is important too, because sometimes again, when people start practicing their faith, parents might say, oh, I don't want you to do that. And so this happens like, as I mentioned, sometimes it's with the beard, sometimes with the kufi, sometimes with the hijab, sometimes with praying, sometimes with praying in public. What if somebody says, oh, I wanna pray in public and the parents say, no, no, no, no, don't pray in public. And so it might cause him to delay the prayer out of its, out of its first time. Or they say, I don't want you, I don't want you to be so outward about your faith. And so yes, we respect the parents, but at the same time, we cannot allow them to cause elements of the deen to be extinguished. And then I'll just end in this last section and I'll open it up for questions and then. So now he discusses an interesting point, which is about sefa, traveling without the permission of the parents. And if you remember in the discussion of Jewish, the monk from Bani Israel, who was praying and he had to make the choice between prayer or answering his mother and he went on with the prayer and she made dua against him. One of the things that Imam Noah, he mentions that we take from this hadith is the prohibition of traveling without permission of the parents. So Muhammad Molud says, wala twosafil fee mubahin bal wala nafila fila ila ila maa qabila. Don't travel in a permissible trip or even at a recommended trip unless they accept for you to travel. So this could be going out of the house. If it could also be going to just taking a drive around. If it's something that they don't want and again, it's reasonable. It's not like sometimes some parents want to just smother their child and no, don't go and I always wanna be around you. No, that's not reasonable. What we're talking about a reasonable request if they say, I don't want you to travel, then it would be an obligation. According to some scholars that we follow them. For some people once they're in adulthood this may be an issue that they're facing with their parents but this is also something that we should remember as we're raising our children that as they're now starting to leave and go out with their friends and wanting to do activities that we do have a right as parents to limit that freedom. So it's not just about, oh, I don't wanna limit his freedom and he or she can go out and do whatever they want. At the same time, you don't want to smother them and become like helicopter parents and hovering around them to not give them any freedom. So we have to be able to strike a balance based on understanding the child and the situation that they're asking to be in. And sometimes you might be in a situation where two of your own children, you're giving more freedom to one of your children than the other because you feel that they're more mature and they would be able to make the right decisions and the right choices in situations that people might make the wrong decision. They go out with their friends and they leave the house for a few hours or even overnight, you might allow some of you, you might allow others or you might not allow others. And this is the decision that you're making as the parents. You have to be careful that they don't feel that it's inequality. We also know from the Sunnah, the Prophet Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said to make sure that you're equal, that you treat your children equally, even in, what did he say? He said, treat them equally and give them things evenly, evenly, even in kissing them, even in kissing them. So sometimes you might hug a younger child if you have a number of children like, how can we don't get that? So the Prophet Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam knew what he was talking about, Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. He knew that children have this when they see one child getting loved or kissed more that it could cause enmity with the other one. So he's teaching us even, if you give this one five kisses, make sure you give the other one five kisses as well. When you give out, when you give them gifts, make sure you're trying to be as equal and fair as possible. And this hadith actually has been taken to the point of, it's not just when you're thinking about candy, it's like also if you have wealth and you're starting to distribute some of your wealth to your adult children, then you have to be equal amongst them, be equal amongst the children of that. So the parents have a right to tell the child not to travel and that's if it's permissible, just like a regular radio trip. But what if it's a trip to go and seek knowledge? He says if it's a trip to go and seek knowledge, then you have to look, is there anybody in your local area who can teach you? And if there's not, and the only way to study your Dean if you have to travel, which is traditionally was called the Rehla. So Rehla means now, what are the modern Arabs use Rehla as? Justification, going on a Rehla. But traditionally the Rehla was the adventure or the trip that a Muslim made to go and seek knowledge. And they would go to far extents to seek this knowledge. And it was not just about studying with people, it was also about taking from their edab, taking from their character, taking from their example, imammatic before he would go to his lesson, his mother as a young child, his mother would tell him, when you go to your teacher, learn edab before you learn his Rehla. Learn his character and his etiquette before his knowledge. Take from his edab before his Rehla. Yes. So Rehla says that you need to take permission from your parents. Does it mean that every time you step out or do you take permission? Yeah, so the question is that when you have to take permission from your parents, does it mean that every single time you have to ask permission from your parents? And the answer is no. You don't have to literally, like a military style or prison style, go and get permission to leave the compound, permission to leave the residence, that's not what it's talking about. It's just talking about you eventually you know when, what type of leaving of the house they would like or what they wouldn't like. If you leave and they're asleep, but you might leave a note or sometimes people might say, okay I didn't want to, I had to go shopping but I waited for my mother and my father to finish praying so I could let them know that or I waited for them to wake up so I could let them know that or when I left the house, I sent a text message or I wrote something but just something to let them know that this is not like a hotel because a hotel you go and come in and say, please you don't have to ask anybody, you go to your work, unless you're punching in and punching out, you go inside your work and you leave and you don't have to tell somebody, hey I'm leaving, unless some managers or some bosses want to know but take the example of a hotel, hotel you don't have to tell the people you're going or you're coming. So it's just to show your parents that the relationship that I have with you is you're not just any house, you're somebody that I respect more, if we think about, like a guest, if you go to somebody's house, a host and you leave without letting the host know, think of how they would feel or how you would feel if you were the host and these are your parents who hosted you for years and years before you could even walk and talk and take care of yourself. Or if you, you know, the etiquette of leaving Mecca. What is one of the etiquettes of leaving Mecca when you go to Hajj, for example? You have go off in Ifaba, once you finish it, and then what? At the end, before you go home. Go off in Wadah, what does Wadah mean? Bye. So we don't just leave the Ka'ba. Now at the same time, you don't go, have you ever seen people walk out of the Ka'ba and they walk backwards because they don't want to turn their back to the Ka'ba? So they said that's not according to the Sunnah but some people do it because they just feel like, oh, I don't want to turn my back to the Ka'ba. So they've developed that but it's considered an innovation. It's not something that's from the actions of the Prophets of the Law of the Sunnah in leaving the Ka'ba. The leaving of the Ka'ba is, you do go off in Wadah and then you leave. So we don't treat it like any other Meshjid. I mean this Meshjid, there's an etiquette of coming to the Meshjid, right? But is there a prayer that we have to do to leave the Meshjid? There's not. But Mecca has a special status. So in the same way with our parents, we don't just leave without letting them know. We let them know. We respect you, your feelings. We don't want you to get up from a nap and you look around, you're like, oh, where's my son? Where's my daughter? I left a note. I told you or I let you know before. So to bring up that level of respectful interaction. But if you know that the parents are okay, then you don't have to, so if you have children, say for example, in high school or college, and you know, okay, they leave to school at eight in the morning. You know, and they know and you know and it's the understanding that you don't have to ask. And again, this is not a hukum shari, like a shariah ruling where you have to ask before they leave every single time. It's just the idea that you don't make the going and the coming with your parents like the going and the coming with strangers. So he says if you have to seek knowledge and your parents are telling you don't travel, you can disobey them. If you have to go to Hajj and they're like, oh, don't go to Hajj, for whatever reason, you can disobey them. If a person has to find a job, if it's difficult in their locale to find a job, to further their career, to study it, there are things that are necessities of life. Well, the parents can't prevent a person from following the necessities of life. But we start with the understanding that the baseline ruling is that my goings and coming even as an adult are respect to the parent, that's the baseline. And I ask their permission, that's the baseline, asking their permission. But if it gets unreasonable, then we don't have to follow their request. Before I get into the financial support of the parents, do we have any questions on your comments about the bid as it relates to our body? Walking, sitting, oh, also he mentions, I mentioned it, but he says, don't sit in a place that's better or higher than your parents. And also when you come to sit, he mentions here a point of edit that you should ask permission to be seated and permission to leave from your parents. Now a lot of cultures today, I don't think most cultures have this where it's actually part of the culture. Even this book was written in West Africa and Mauritania, they don't have that culture. The people don't have where they'll ask the parents, oh, may I permission to be seated, may I have a seat, may I leave and so forth. And I know one person who tried it here and the parent got annoyed because it's not part of our culture. And I mean, is there any culture here where they have, where you've seen that, where the child actually asked from the parent, may I have a seat, may I leave? I know in America a long time ago, they would say, can I leave the table? May I leave the table? Yeah, no, that's what you're gonna ask, yeah. Yeah, that too, like at the leave, you're about to get out from the table for sure. For the table? Compermiso, like with permission. Oh, okay, how do you say it? Compermiso with. Compermiso, okay. So even now at the table in Spanish culture, you ask permission to leave. Yeah, yeah, anytime you're kind of, even when you're like leaving a group, yeah, especially with your parents. Okay, so we do have that, so it's still, yeah. And if the parent, something that's like, from the etiquette of the culture, and our dean is saying to do it, then yeah, definitely. Then now a person has more infested, like more motivation to do it, because now it's also in the dean. But if somebody comes from a culture where it's like, okay, come on, you don't have to ask me, you know, going and leaving every single time. Some people will, before they leave, like at the presence of a teacher, they'll say, instead of leaving an income. Does anybody ever heard that from the air cultures with their parents? Before they leave the parents? Or any other, basically like, con permiso, with permission, permission to leave. In Pakistan? Do they have anything that they say specifically? It's like a, a jazzy path. A jazzy path, okay, yeah. You know, may I leave? May I leave, yeah. And I think, I mean, one of the things that happens in modern societies, we're losing a lot of etiquettes. And so this might be something that, you know, with somewhere within our life, we don't know where it's going to be within our individual households, that we try to bring a certain level of etiquette so that we can have some traditions that are passed on. Like for example, one tradition that I really like in the daisy cultures is the older brother, they refer to him as Bai, right? And the older sister is, Abid? Yeah, so Aba, okay. So they have a specific name for the older brother or the older sister. And I think that's good because even in our deen, the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, he said the oldest brother is like the father. You know, so the idea that the eldest is old a little bit more respect. So if we have that ingrained to our culture, that's something that's good. Any other questions or comments? Okay, so then Sheikh Mohammed Maroud mentions that now when it comes to financial support, now again, some people may be naturally inclined and they're just generous people and they want to support their parents and they don't count. And that's one of the things that I learned from seeing people who I know were generous. They don't count, they're not counting the money. They're just, they're giving. It's a difference between being wasteful. It's not about being wasteful. It's just they're generous and they're not nitpicking and like counting the pennies or pennies. One of the students here, I said pin. Talking about the writing pin, but it should be pronounced pen. So I'm working on my distinction between the pen and the penny. Pennies, you know, we're not counting, we're not gonna count pennies. We should be generous. And so if and the person that we should be most or the people we should be most generous with are our parents. Especially because when we needed it, they weren't sitting there counting pennies. They were medicine, buy it. Food, buy it. Diapers, buy it. Clothes, buy it. Clothes are too small, buy it. How many of you buy it? Well, buy them so, you know, and it's not like, oh, well, you know what? You're gonna fit into those shoes even if it gives you blisters on your feet. That's not the way the average parent is with their child. So that's the way we are with our children. That's the way our parents were with us. Generous, generous, being generous. So now when it comes time for the generosity, the generosity to be reciprocated, and now we pay it forward, give it to our parents, we should also be generous. So if a person's generous, and we don't have to get into all of these rules of, well, how much do I actually owe my parents? You see what I'm saying? It's like the same thing in a marriage. If a person comes to an Imam or a sheikh, and he asks a question, well, how much do I actually have to financially support my wife with? That's not the sign of a good marriage. Now we can answer, we say, well, here's the bare minimum. And the bare minimum is not, I'll tell you what the bare minimum is. In clothing, it's two outfits a year. One for the winter, one for the summer and the spring. Now you tell me, is any marriage gonna work with that? I mean, it's just the fuck, all the fuck, she's gonna say, oh yeah? You wanna just talk about bare minimum fuck? Okay, let's make this a bare minimum relationship. It's not going to work. And so these rules that we're about to go over, which is what is the bare minimum in terms of giving to your parents? We're just, it's just, it's good to know the baseline. It's good to know like in a marriage, yes, the financial obligation is upon the husband to the wife. And so he's always motivated like, this is part of my deem to spend on my family. But at the same time, the wife should also remember in her mind like, his basic obligation is nowhere near what the custom dictates to the people. So if my husband is not choosing to spend on this, that, or the other, he's not doing anything ha-ha. And I shouldn't make it seem as if he's doing something ha-ha. And at the same time, it's good for the husband to know, oh, my wife doesn't have to cook a lavish meal every, because if she says, oh, bare minimum, well, I'm just gonna boil you some wheat, right? Boil you some rice, I wanna cook for you, okay, I'm gonna do the bare minimum for you. And I'm not cooking for your children, because that's not an obligation on her. That shocks a lot of people. She has to cook for the husband, not for the children, and not for his guests. So all those Ramaban feasts that the mom does, she doesn't have to do those. The pickups and drop-offs from school, mom doesn't have to do those. Now, I'm not trying to, you know, like, liberalism and feminism and like, you know, all right, sisters, stop, no, that's not what we're talking about. What we're talking about, if they start going, if the marriage starts going tick for tad, and what do I have to do and what you have to do, that's not a healthy relationship. But it's good to know that down there at the bottom, there is a bare minimum, so that also when we're giving, we're giving generously and lovingly, and we know, like, I don't have to do this, but I want to do this. And the wife is doing the same thing, you know, I don't have to do this, but I, and I'm not going to make it a big contention in my relationship, because that's not, you know, that's not the point of the marriage. This is not like some cutthroat love, they'll talk about Kitab and Sunnah, and so forth, so I'm going to do extra. So now when it comes to the parents, it is a financial, it is an obligation upon children to financially support their parents. It's an obligation, but there's a few conditions to that. So one of the things they mention is that, well, what if the parent is actually able to work, but chooses not to? As a lot of Muslims, they say, my fuck 401K plan is my kids. Well, that's my retirement plan. And as soon as they start working, man, you know, okay, I'm going to cash in on my stocks and bonds and 401K plan and all that, my kids, and they're going to work and they're going to support me. I'm going to live in my kid's house, I'm going to take from their salary, and so forth. So the vukahah said, that's not what it means. The obligation of the child to support the parent is only when the parent is not able to provide for themselves. So this also creates a strong work ethic in the Muslim. The strong work ethic is, I'm going to work as long as I can, I'm going to work. And I'm going to, even if I have to support myself by the sweat of my brow, I'm going to do it. And if my son wants to help me out, I'm going to do that, but I'm out there, I'm going to be working self-sufficient, self-reliant, and so forth. But when it comes time for them to have a need, who are the people that are obligated to support them? They're children. That's one point. The other point is, well, who amongst the children is it an obligation upon if they have multiple children? So there's three opinions. One says it's just the boys, just the men in the family. And this makes sense from the idea of a Rijal-u-Kawamuna al-Nisa. If we're going to tell the women, you don't have to work to support your husband and your children. That's his job. Then why aren't we going to tell the women you have to support your parents? It's on the men. The other opinion is, well, and again, there's nothing clear from the directives of the Sunna of the Prophet, the words, direct words of the Prophet, so I'm addressing this. So all we have is HD hat. We have educated estimations. I'm not even going to say it, I guess. They're taking a principle, which the principle is, men support the families. Well, let's apply that over here to the parents. It's the men in the family. The other opinion is that, well, we look at the inheritance. Girls have a right to inheritance, and so if they have a right to the parents' inheritance, then they also, that comes in up with an obligation that when the parents are in financial need, the girls should support as well. But they said, on that opinion, they said it goes according to the inheritance rules. So if the boys are getting two shares of the inheritance and the girls for every one share, the boys get two shares, well, that's their financial obligation when it comes to financial support of the parents. The third opinion is that it's equal among all the children. Okay, why do we mention all these opinions? Just to say, it is an obligation. There's some difference of opinion on the details of how that's done. But ultimately, when it comes time for a family to support their parents, it shouldn't get to this point. It shouldn't, sometimes it might. It might get to the point where people are like, well, how much are you giving and how much are I giving? But the best thing would be that they do whatever they're able to and they're understanding of each other. If there's a girl in the family and she is wealthier than one of her brothers, she understands, well, even though there's not a fit, the fit supports that he has to give more than me, I'm gonna say out of the generosity of my own soul, I'm gonna give more, because I understand my brother. And that's the etiquette of the echelab, the edem, the character that a person should have. So that's in terms of who has to support the parents. The big question becomes, well, how much do we have to give the parents? And the general principle is that we have to support the parents according to the custom of the society that we live in to a point that they're not feeling like they're wasting away. They're actually feeling like, so we don't have to give them a lavish lifestyle, but at the same time, we don't just have to say, well, here's bare minimum food, clothing and housing to keep you alive. No, that's also not what the dean is teaching us. The dean is teaching us that we have to support them in a way that gives them a comfortable lifestyle. That's the best way to put it, a comfortable lifestyle. So not lavish and not bare minimum, but comfortable, awesome. And as a proof of this, they said if the parents want new clothes for me, I mean, you might say like, who would make a big deal about this? But you'd be surprised, right? There are some people who's just, their miserliness will kick in even with the people who are closest to them. And even though it should never kick in with the parents of all people, it should never kick in with the parents, their miserliness kicks in with the parents. And so they said, no, even if your parent asks for a new clothes for me, somebody says, well, he's got other outfits. Let him wear last year's outfit. No, you give him something because is it lavish to have a new clothes for me? No, is it bare minimum? Can they wear last year's clothes? Yeah, but is it comfortable to have new clothes? So that's the idea that we want our parents, we want to keep our parents at a comfortable level. The last point in this section he mentioned, which is the last Muhammad Molud said, be in speech, action, wealth, and then in heart. And so then he says, I think this is probably one of the most difficult ones. We'll end here and answer any questions. But it's basically that in addition to maintaining outward etiquette and edem and respect and honoring our parents, we also have to have it inwardly in our hearts. And this is taken from the understanding, as I mentioned earlier, that the ayahs in Surat al-Isra'ab which are very comprehensive about Ibn-ul-Wadi-Dayyat is 1723 to 25. After Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta'ala mentions, don't speak to them this way and speak to them this way and don't say uff and be humble. At the end, he says, Your Lord is more aware of what is in your heart. So after going through all of the outward etiquette, don't say uff. Don't say hargumah. Don't say uff. Don't say hargumah. And don't say uff to them and don't say uff to them. And all of the outward etiquette, and be humble, then he says, and Your Lord knows what's in your hearts. Meaning, even if you maintain the outward etiquette with your parents, and we know people like this, right? In front of their parents? No, no, I mean, yeah, I mean. But if they get behind it, like, I cannot stand that man. So we have to have it inwardly in our hearts. So that person has, in their hearts, bold or hate for their parents, even though outwardly they're maintaining the etiquette. So if somebody comes and says, when you sit with your parents there, I follow the rules. Financial, I follow the rules. Traveling, I follow the rules. I follow the rules. I follow everything outwardly. But in their heart, they have issues with their parents. He says, this is something that you have to get out of your heart. And this is very difficult. If a person has something, especially if it's resentment, sometimes maybe something that was not done or something that was done wrong from childhood. And one of the things that really, really hurts human beings is resentment. There's a very famous speaker now, and he's a clinical psychologist. And he said that a lot of problems in life, or everybody's problems in life, he says after 40 years of seeing thousands of patients in his clinical practice, he says I've broken it down to three things. These are the three things that cause all problems in life. Arrogance, resentment, and deceit, or treachery. And he also speaks a lot from, he's not a Muslim, he speaks from the Bible. And he says these three elements are in the story of Iblis, Shepan. Think about it. Arrogance, and I'm better than him. Resentment. Who was Iblis resentful against? Hmm? Adam, but ultimately, who? Allah. And he says, Iblis, wait any. You're the one who did this to me. Speaking to Allah. You're the one who led me astray. And then treachery. What does Iblis say at the end of that story? He was arrogant against Adam, he was resentful, then what does he say to him? If you delay me, what is he gonna do? I'm gonna sit on the straight path and I'm gonna trick them and trap them, pull them down, treachery. And so he says, speaking from his clinical practice, he says these three things, if we have them in our life, arrogance, resentment, and deceit, or treachery, it ruins everything, ruins friendships, ruins businesses, ruins marriages, ruins relationships. And so the point that I've mentioned here is the resentment that we might have towards our parents. If we have resentment, it's not healthy. It's something that Shayfan had at the very beginning, got him on a long road, a long road to hell. One of my students who's in prison, he has life without parole, he's working on an innocence claim because there were some issues with his, the key witness actually came forth and he said, I lied. And they said, well now we don't accept that he has life without parole. So he's in prison, he's helping a lot of people. And one of the things that he's doing is developing a 12 steps program to address alcohol and narcotics use from an Islamic lens. But one of the things that's very important, whether in addiction or any criminal behavior, and this goes for any of us who's struggling with a fault, struggling with doing something haram, is that we have to take responsibility for our actions. That's one of the main steps. Until we take responsibility for our actions, we're not going to be able to get past them. And so then he asked me a question today, and he said, I heard that the sheikhban was given the opportunity that if he just takes responsibility for his actions, then he will be forgiven. And so I had a big recollection of something, I looked it up, there is a hadith. It's considered da'if, Imam Suyuti mentions it in his tafsih, but he says it's a da'if hadith. But listen to what it has, because it's still a hadith. Even though it's da'if, it's still a hadith. So he says the sheikhban came to Musa al-Isra and he said Musa, your Lord sent you as a messenger and spoke to you after you made toba. Now granted, Musa al-Isra, when he pushed the person and killed him, he didn't do it on purpose, right? He didn't realize his strength, the man fell, it is head and so forth. But he made toba from that even so. So at least you made toba from that and Allah chose you as tafaka and he spoke to you. I'm gonna ask you to intercede on my behalf to your Lord. And actually in the hadith he says to my Lord. But he says ila Rabbi to my Lord just to say can he make toba from. So Musa al-Isra made dua and Allah sent him one. And Allah says, I responded to your call to Musa. So then Musa tells the police, he said Allah responded. You just have to do one thing. What do you think it was? Take responsibility, but what? Like he actually asked, Allah asked him for an action. What about you guys? Postrait, well Adam's not alive, so what did he say? He says go to where Adam and Ali said, I will remind them of their wife and their children and I'll make them retreat from the battlefield, which is one of the kebab. And then he said the third thing, he said never be alone with a woman who's not your maham because I am your messenger to her and I am her messenger to you. So he gave me these three pieces of advice. Basically you did me a favor, thank you. I didn't get what I wanted. But my student asked me to look up this hadith because he said basically what's happening in this hadith is that the sheykh is still not taking responsibility for his actions. He was given a chance, but part of it was the resentment. So he's holding on, he's resentful and now we have to look in our lives, if we're holding on to something resentful, whether it's to our parents or our spouse or our children or our friends or our neighbors or our siblings, if we're holding on to some resentment we really have to figure out what that is and start working on letting it go. And that's what he's saying. Part of the bit is, the respect of the parents is to remove this from the heart. Spot it on here? So we'll just wait. It's here. It's here, okay. So we'll end there. If there's any questions until the maham arrives for the someone. Yes. You mentioned the, because you know the girls have to ask for support. I don't know. But if they are not able to work, if they are married, then how could they... If they have wealth, this is all talking about they have wealth. There's no person who does not have wealth is ever forced to work. So it's about a person who has the wealth from whatever method and then you go.