 FEDER like six Bs before I found out she had a B allergy. Welcome to episode number nine. No 10. No it's not. Yep. Check it. Are you fucking fucking cunt? Yep. New chair for brown. We always do this. We always do this. Episode nine is, yeah this is episode number ten. New chair for me. New chair for me. Oh shit. We forgot about Brown's chair. We're 25% done. Now I reckon I'm really enjoying this plus remember we didn't get this chair for him until like episode five or six. Remember we had the other chair first with every ten and we had the other chair that broke. So technically he should be in this chair until episode 20. Yeah okay sorry. Oh. He's standing. He's standing. We got a jam packed episode everybond. We got a you know that fucking guy that helped me through my heart shit. He's coming on. He's going to talk to us and tell you guys what he told me. So if you have heart issues or anxiety issues stick around. It's a bit more of a serious part but the rest of the podcast is so silly and funny. It's a bit of a horoscopes who's a better Brown Matt vs Michael Matt's tinder adventures of course which has taken some funny funny turns or some funny stories first week. I wouldn't say better but it's it's there's some longer conversations. I don't know. It's hard to tell now. I'm excited. I'm so excited for that. And I've got something to say about that. And of course prank call at the end of the fucking episode can't see a baby let's fucking get into this shit bro. Let's do some shit talk man. What's been going on? We're back at work. Last week was full week back at work and feeling better. The anxiety is finally slipping out of my fucking skull. Low blood pressure. Blood pressure is going off the blood pressure medication and I did a reading this morning. It was like 136 over 85. So that's not so bad. That's not so bad. I did like 14 readings and that was the average. And I'm not even on blood pressure medication. I feel like because I know it's anxiety and stress that that alone is lowering my anxiety and stress. Yeah. Does that make sense? You've identified cause plus I've quit dairy which so I don't have the fucking shit after I eat anymore. Oh really? That's all gone. Well it's not completely gone but it's definitely much much less. So I'm starting to think that that definitely played a role as well. But it's not even confirmed it's a dairy allergy was a weird naturopath test. We got like a proper blood test and stuff to confirm it. But I am feeling much better. I exercised like eight times last week and went hard. Huh? Eight. Eight times. Yeah. So fucking shit's on the up guys. Shit's on the up. Fucking content's going to be better. We have fucking filming all this week. We got some banger vids coming out. What's come out right now? What's out on the website? What are we going to post? I don't even know. Shit. We don't know right now. Yeah. We haven't decided yet. Some awesome. I bet though bro. I thought of the arse wine. Yeah. Arse wine was pretty fucked. And last week we filmed a sequel to the Solving World Hunger video. We swallowed whole popcorn kernels. Yeah. And then shot them out and then popped the popcorn. I sent you a message of what people thought of the one guy sent. Yeah. There was some hate. There was a lot of people. But you get that. You get that with the gross videos. Some people don't like them pants all the way down. All the way down. I literally put his mic directly on his asshole. Smell it. It's actually sort of nice. I knew you'd enjoy that. Did you see me do that man? Yeah. I felt it go in. I put his mic on his asshole. And I feel good about that. Oh. Thank you. Thank you mate. That was upsetting. It's like a treat. We all look very strange, don't we? What was I going to say? Okay. Yeah. Obviously there's certain people that hate the disgusting vid. Sorry. Look. That's what you get. Yeah. It divides the audience. But we do them every now and then because it saves us from pain. And it's fucking cool. I think. Yeah. And it is interesting sometimes. I did a CT scan last Monday. Oh man. They're weird. What do they do? You go, you lie on this tube and they, because it's like X-rays and shit. There's no other doctors in the room. They go and hide behind this fucking wall and leave you in there. Then they jam this needle up your fucking vein and sticky tape it on. And then you'll hear this voice go, all right. First injection. And then you'll hear this. And this liquid goes, shoots up your arm and it feels so fucking gross and weird. And it's this dye so that they can. Cold or warm? It's warm. And so they can see shit better. Does it hurt? And they do a little bit first to test if it fucks your body. So that's terrifying. Sitting there thinking, is my body going to react badly? And then after a few minutes at a right, they're like, all right. Here comes the second injection. This one's a little bit bigger. And then this feel is fucking gross shit go through your body. And you just, oh man, it's disgusting. They're taking photos. So I get the results of that back soon and fucking blood tests on the way. Can't fuck. Yeah. Woo. Matt's got a bottle of mints. I don't open it. No, I'm not going to say it. No, dude. What do you mean? We've checked many times. There's no need for that. It didn't fizz up though. It didn't fizz as it opened that time. Oh God. Yeah. It's fucking rough. Michael got a fucking, he, oh, you can't see because he's wearing a lion's coat, but he's hair cut and he fucked it up. That's why he's wearing. And I figured it out. You are self-conscious about your hair tonight. That's why you're wearing that. No, no. How do we go into it? Your self-conscious. James said this too. I should have, I should have just cut it like I don't, he never tells me when he's getting haircuts. You want me to tell you? It's like, it's like you may as well just let me fucking butcher it instead of paying someone to butcher it. Oh, I've got some stories for you boys. Go on then. Wait a minute. Is it golf related? No, no. Okay. So I am, Amber came to me last night and said, I found skid marks in your auntie. Oh, no. I was like, yeah, it's been achieved. She's like, oh, it's regular. I was like, oh, that sucked. What do you mean regular? Like she always finds them. Yeah. That is an issue. Oh, no, that's all right. She was cool. She's just, I think. Man, that would be rough. I don't know what I would do if I saw, imagine seeing skid marks in Amber's underwear. Oh, yeah. Wow. It's even worse if they're female for some reason. But, um, yeah, that's happened in my life. Oh, yeah. That is fucked. Can't something cool happened for those of you who know Kenny versus Spenny, you know, Michael and I are massive fans of them. Matt doesn't really watch anything other than Paul. So it doesn't really know who we're talking about. We reached out to Kenny on Instagram just because we've been talking about doing a Marty versus Michael series. And it's not going to be exactly like Kenny versus Spenny. But, you know, there are some parts to it where, you know, where we, it is a little bit influenced by that. So we reached out to Kenny and he's like, I was, and you know, I was like, oh, would you guys ever, you know, want to get involved? And he's like, fuck, yeah, just send us an email. So fucking emailed Kenny. How cool is that? Imagine. And, and, you know, this is a lot of people say he could have just been being polite. So no one get your hopes up. This may not happen. But I just thought it was cool that fucking Kenny from Kenny versus Spenny, like he's talking to us. So what do you think of that, Brown? I was in high school when they were like, Holy shit. Comedy. Yeah. That was like 50 years ago or something. So yeah, you would have been about high school. Yeah. That's for client. Yeah. Well, there you have it. Look, things are going on. Things are going right on. Right. Every day is different a bit. I think it's a fuck. It's 80 fucking 80. What is it? 85 days sober today. Wow. That's almost 100. Dude, it's been like, if I didn't have this heart thing, it probably would have been a lot harder to be honest. Oh, true. But because of that, I was like, I'm not fucking touching shit. You have nothing holding you back. Yeah. It would have been like special occasions where you're like, I would have been more tempted. I still would have, I still reckon I still would have done it because there have been many tempting times, even now because Mon started to drink a little bit again. But I'm just fucking staying strong. Can't I? We still got to talk about your bucks with you and see if you're happy with what it is playing out. All gone then. So that's shit talk. Shall we quickly do sponsors? Yes. All right. 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You drink it. You're done. You're outsourcing your health. You're fucking doing great things for your body with zero fucking effort. You go and fucking spend 350 on a bag. You may as well spend 150 a month to go and have some athletic greens to counter it, cunt. If you snort a line of coke, then you snort a line of athletic greens. I'm pretty sure it all evens out. I didn't think of it like that. Yeah, you're spending three. If you could have by months of supply. Yeah, you get three months worth of athletic greens compared to one bag of cocaine. One night on the bank. Which will take years off your life and athletic greens will add years to your life. You do the math. You sit in there with your hairy shit. That's coming. That's coming. The athletic greens dot com slash fully actual. Just have a look. The people who have already ordered it write in the comments, give us your reviews. Honestly, we want to hear about it because we know it's that good. We're so confident that we're asking for the reviews and we've seen them and people say tastes good and it's fucking healthy dickhead. Fucking Joe fucking Rogan even fucking raves about it and he has fucking genius doctors on all the fucking time, you dumb cunt. Yeah, thank you. So athletic greens getting into it. They got the vitamin D drop is too much shit. Just get in or have a fucking look. Athletic greens dot com. There's a link in the fucking description. Click. Wow. That was them clicking. I think I heard it too. I think I bummed my mic. Oh, man, scraped. Oh, my God. I don't want you watching anymore. I don't want you viewing us anymore. You know who I'm talking about. Those that just sit and consume and listen without any action towards improvement. You sit there. Where are you right now? You're on the fucking toilet and sitting on your couch half sloped off. Your postures all fucked. Your sweaty gross contemplating whether to even have a fucking shower tonight. It couldn't be fucked cooking tonight. I'm gonna get you McDonald's and get you a fucking meal and then get up in the fucking morning and go to your shit job that you ate and get screamed at by your boss because you saw it fucking down and out. Oh, I'm tired. Not so hard. There, there, there. Go to manscaped.com and let them fucking help you for once, can't. Use that discount code fully actual 20 to get 20% off. You're saving money and you're fixing your life and you're making life better for everyone around you. Think of your family. Think of your friends. Think of your potential future. Just think. Stop sitting and wallowing and dying for nothing. You're a man. You can be so much better. Men build things. Men invent things. And you're sitting there with a beer in your hand and you're fucking tossing off to a fucking ball, you can't. Or us. You could be tossing off to us. And women too. So just go to manscaped.com and have a look at their fucking products. You can shave in the shower. So you're not wasting time. Instead of just standing under the water looking around. Have a shaver in your hand and run it up and down your body. And then it begins. That's step one in improving your life, Matt. Oh. Are you? Also for fucking women if you're a woman there and you've got black hairs situated under your fat tit go to manscaped and shave it all off because that's a sign of un-groomed shit weakness. And I don't want to hear it about your money. Just don't go to the pokies or buy a bag once or stop buying a fucking cart in a forex. Buy a fucking cart in the otingers for three months and then use that money you saved to fucking manscaped get a fucking shaver and start improving your fucking life, Card! I love the otinger reference. Oh my God. Yeah, well look, it's that easy. And if you're a girl just don't drink coffee for a week. Just start. Just start the self-improvement. You've got so much potential buried deep beneath all your fucking fat hair. You seem to shave it off. Get it off and find it and be better. Manscaped.com fully actual 20 for 20% off. And don't sit there and nod and eat your chips. You fucking can't do something. Women do. And of course our final sponsor is the University of Markle which funds our fucking entire lives. We post our half an hour videos every week. Sometimes they're even much more than half an hour and they're so fucked up we cannot put them on social media. They are so wild. In fact is the name of one of the videos and Matt's going to start reviewing them. Oh yeah, do you know about this Matt? No. You are going to now we're going to give we're going to pay for your subscription and we're going to have you like I have to fucking go through it was an hour and 50 minutes this film. At least hours you know you might have 45 minute sessions but at least that's half of what you give me and it's quality shit. You're going to watch our latest feeds and you're going to review them on the podcast each week. And do you know who gets to vote on what videos Matt watches? Markle and I but also you guys. So please in the comments let us know what website video you would like Matt to watch and review first. I don't know if I want to watch any of your videos. That's the fucking law after watch your fucking movie. Yeah that was part of the deal. Yeah this is part of this deal. You just rearranged the deal. Yeah it's new segments come in like tinders like now new websites. It's always evolving and changing like a fart. Yeah it's like this smells fine now. It's like come in the ocean it spreads and swirls. That's us. That's us. So I'm going to have to watch your videos now. Yep well like there's going to be voted on. I reckon whoever like put a comment and then whatever gets the most likes that's the video you'll be watching first. And obviously there are a lot of people who aren't website members. That's totally fine as well but just maybe look at the comments that the website members are putting and the titles of them and then you can just try and judge by the titles which ones you want Matt to watch. And remember it's a 21 day free trial for everyone. You can go and have a look. There's over 250 videos on there now and if you don't like it you can leave free charge. No worries so there's no risk to you okay. We've hired more support stuff. It's just a beautiful thing. We love our website Matt. Even the premium members they get a weekly video from us. You just talk about what you're doing now. It's awesome Matt. Did you see that? Yeah I like the sound of it so I didn't want to stop. Do you send a video to the premium members every week? Yeah every week. What do you say? We just say hey this is what we're doing this week man. It's like a literally a diary of our lives. Anyway sorry. That's the last sponsor. Alright guys we're going to move to something a little more serious as you all know there's been some interest in the heart shit and so many people reached out being like oh fucking I've got the same symptoms bro one more high blood pressure medication blah blah blah blah so and I don't know if you remember but a couple of weeks ago I mentioned one person in particular reached out to me he's a very smart man. I call him doctor Dan. He's not actually a doctor but he's a very intelligent man and so we're going to talk to him and we're going to get him to tell you guys what he told me. So if you're going through some similar shit with anxiety or you got weird heart shit going on just give this a listen because your problems might be psychological the power of the mind is truly unbelievable Matt Brown. How did you come across him? He reached out to me after I posted that Facebook video. And he's one of the best men in the world. Have you seen him naked? No but like I call him whenever I feel like shit and he just makes him feel a lot better. Wow I want his number. Yeah. He's like he's a medical scientist he's a professor you know. Anyway you'll see. Alright here we go. Sorry. Hey Dan it's Marty mate and you are currently on the Marty and Michael fully actual podcast. How are you mate? Hey Dan. Very well yourselves guys. Good Dan. We're doing very well. I was just telling everyone how you helped to rip me out of my spiralling hole of depression and anxiety and I thought it'd be a great opportunity to get you on and to maybe tell these people what you told me and maybe who knows we can help with those thousands of people that reached out when I posted that video. So first of all just to let everyone know how fucking insanely smart you are can you just tell us some of your credentials and just what your education is and what you do now? Yeah sure. I'm a medical scientist where I majored in allied health and also medical science so that basically covers a lot of your physiology anatomy, neuroscience and also aspects of psychology as well and then I've also done degrees in occupational health and management as well and I was actually currently studying a degree in medical radiation science but it wasn't because my wife became quite unwell so I'm still doing the study pathway and I hope to get back to it soon. Yeah so you've done like two and a half degrees and you were like what was it you showed me that you were like in the top like one percent of your class in your Yes so I was fortunate to win the medal for University of South Australia so I finished to the top one percent of UniSA and ended up with the the high award of the top one percent so I was very happy to receive that. So you can like fully read and shit. Dude he's a very intelligent man. Now so you saw the video that I posted to Facebook so and then you reached out so what about my video that you should reach out? Yeah so I reached out because I previously suffered from almost identical symptoms and thought I could share my experience with you in the hope of giving you some answers to the health crisis that you were in so back in 2012 I'd actually begun experiencing symptoms of what I now know to be anxiety and stress related disorders I was suffering almost identical problems heart arrhythmias abnormally high blood pressure shoulders of breath and dizziness and I couldn't I had no way to explain why it just came out of nowhere and at the time I was perfectly fit and healthy I mean we are all taught from a young age to listen to our bodies and in that context we know our bodies better than anyone else and when something goes wrong we normally can tell that there's something wrong so I basically tried to connect all the dots together of the symptoms that I was experiencing and made a conclusion that I must have a heart disorder or a heart problem and that I was going to die which completely freaked me out so went down to the GP, got a referral and went on to the cardiologist so after extensive testing the cardiologist came back and said there's nothing wrong with you just absolutely fine no problem but I was still experiencing all of these issues as you were Marty I still had all the heart palpitations disorders of breath and I couldn't understand why so I ended up going to see another two separate cardiologists just because I wanted answers I still have any symptoms but no answers and these are really good cardiologists too right you went to like the very best cardiologist in Adelaide right? absolutely I did my research and I found the top echelon of cardiologists in Adelaide and I went and saw them and these guys are very well known and I thought that if I did have a problem these guys would be able to sort it out I did my research and it took a long time to get in to see them I was fortunate enough that I did and they once again did all the independent testing ECG's, ECHO's all the sorts of testing, blood work the whole array of tests and both of them had concluded independently that I was completely fine and healthy no issues whatsoever and did they offer any like did they offer any reason as to why just like I don't know were they just saying oh no this is normal go home you're fine? pretty much yeah, they basically said that it's normal to have arrhythmias and that what I was experiencing wasn't anything to do with the dysfunction or the structure of the heart there was nothing actually wrong with my heart at all but I wasn't given any answers as to why it was happening so they basically just told me that what I was experiencing was in a way something normal that I wasn't going to die my heart was perfectly fine and yeah, go anyway basically which didn't give me any answers at all so I ended up going to see further specialists I saw a respiratory specialist thinking that it might be lung or what's been related and then I went and saw a neurologist thinking that it might be something to do with the warring between the brain and the heart and both of those came back completely clear so the synopsis for all of them was that I had no issues whatsoever physically all systems were working normally which made me really freak out even more this was over a really long period too you were going through the unknown that I went through for like two months you went through that for how long? about 16 months that would have been oh my god it would have just intensified the symptoms heaps too completely because the fact that you're not getting any answers and you've really been dismissed in a lot of ways as well it leads you down a terrible path of dismay and you really feel isolated and this is where the big connection between that and depression because when you feel that you're not getting listened to but you're still with all these symptoms you're getting told that you're fine but you're still with all these symptoms you feel that you're isolated and that you've got nowhere to go and people fall into the pit of depression because they don't know where else to go they see all the medical professionals out there and no one's given them any answers as to why you are suffering from all of these physiological symptoms and they're real but I never got any sort of answers whatsoever so that was a horrible, horrible time and I really now see why people fall into massive pit of depression because there's no answers or help out there once you've closed all those doors and then so you've just gone all down all these tests over 16 months went to all these best doctors nothing was working and then what made you switch your thinking to something else so basically I sort of thought well I'm not getting any answers from any of these people whatsoever and I've done so much research I'm a computer and two different specialists so I thought well I'm going to find out for myself what's wrong with me so I then engaged in a meeting for the next seven and a half years I engaged in health sciences because that basically covered all aspects of health and I thought I'm going to find out what's wrong with me here and it was during that time that I learned the concept psychologically to physiologically crossover so basically how suppressed thoughts feelings and emotions that are packed away in our subconscious mind can manifest themselves into physiological symptoms and I thought wow is this it somehow has the stress and anxiety that's been packed away in my subconscious mind somehow playing a factor in all of these terrible symptoms that I've been in during the years and it was really a light bulb moment for me because I thought there's no other explanation could this be it so I went back to the GP and got a referral to a psychologist and then engaged in therapy over the next eight months and I was going weekly to see the therapist and I sort of thought I'm going to put everything that I've learned from uni together and put everything at the forefront of my mind and hit it with everything that I've got and see how it all goes and lo and behold the symptoms started to disappear so you were on they did put you on high blood pressure medication right correct, yeah as soon as you started the therapy and sort of looking into the fact that it could be psychological that's when all the symptoms started to die down for you and then at the end of that your blood pressure was even too low right because you were on the on the blood pressure medication but it was normal now so it was dropping your blood pressure to below normal levels correct yes so I kept in close contact with the GP so I was having regular blood pressure checks and also blood screening as well and after about the six months period of seeing the therapist also engaging with different factors which I will go through a bit later lifestyle factors, exercise and diet and the like the therapy though was the key there and it actually dropped my blood pressure to a fact to a point that the blood pressure medication was actually dropping my blood pressure too low so they weaned me off that all together so it was actually the therapy in conjunction with the other factors which brought all the stress all the anxiety down to a very basis level and ended up off all the medication and so now you haven't had any weird arrhythmias or anything for years now right so obviously you'd still have stressful moments in your life but there's still no arrhythmias or anything like that because you've handled the underlying stress that was sitting in your subconscious that's correct that's absolutely correct so what we don't realise and what I didn't realise is that the information that we receive whether it's visual audio touch feel all goes into the subconscious of our mind and the amount of information that we receive daily is immense and so the brain goes and tries to file that information away and what happens is that our subconscious tries to make sense of the information that we are receiving and what occurs is that when the subconscious can't make sense of certain information that we are receiving so that might be past traumas or stuff alike it will sit that in the back of the mind until it can make some sort of sense of it and file it away so typically later in life the brain tries to bring forward that information and make sense of it and file it away and it's normally in that time that information there starts to manifest itself in certain forms of stress and anxiety which is where it catches people off guard because it's not something that might have happened yesterday or a week ago or 10 years ago it might have happened 20 years ago or in the childhood but all of a sudden the brain is trying to make sense of this information that's coming forward and when it can't it can manifest itself in the form of stress and anxiety and so it often takes a therapist to really unpack that and go through all of the different aspects of childhood and adolescence even early sort of adulthood and unpack all of that information so that the brain can adequately file it and reduce that stress and anxiety and when it does just as me I found that all of a sudden my anxiety and stress was reduced to the point where my symptoms of arrhythmia and blood pressure and shortness of breath all just decline to the point where they disappeared. Wow see that's fucking insane and yeah it's so like even just now just being aware of that it's already made such a big difference and you know it's just fucking the power of the mind it's just unbelievable there are people running around out there on higher blood pressure medication with anxiety and shit and they have no they just go to doctors the doctors just say here you have this pill and then they continue on living with this shit festering in the back of their mind giving them more and more physiological problems well yeah it's not just that right you've got all the like antidepressants that they just chuck one straight away there's no like actually dealing with the core issue that's exactly right and that's the biggest problem today is that the pills are the normal response which it masks the problem but it doesn't fix it and eventually your body adapts to those medications and you either end up on stronger doses or it doesn't work anymore so you don't really fix the problem all they do is mask the problem for the interim whereas I think there needs to be a greater awareness of getting to the underlining basis of these issues that are coming forth and when they do that I think there will be a major breakthrough in how these things treat it properly and we've got a pretty massive audience of dudes in like their early 30s and I feel like that's when it starts that's when you sort of start to self-reflect a lot more on your life like through your 20s I never thought about any shit that had happened to me we just get fucked up all the time never worry absolutely and then you sort of get into your early 30s and that's when you sort of start to become self-reflective and that's when all the anxiety and stress and shit hits you so to everyone out there who's fucking feeling like that it could very well be that you just got some shit that you haven't dealt with that is so easily fixed exactly right, exactly right and what I'll say to people is look we are as I said before we're always towards listening to our bodies but when things start going wrong and you go to the doctors and they say well you're fine there's other avenues that we need to look at and that is the psychological aspect and what I say is bowel means if you think that there's something wrong with you if you feel that normal bowel means go to the doctors first because running blood screens and everything kills is all a form of elimination and when we've gone through that process and they've eliminated that there's another aspect that we really need to consider and that's the psychological aspect and when we get into that pathway it will help to solve a lot of problems and especially for the way that mental health is going today we lead such busy lives the cost of everything is going through the roof so our stress levels at a basis are extremely high so it doesn't take much to tip it over to the point where all of a sudden you are getting physiological symptoms like heart palpitations, arrhythmias all of that and there's no explanation for it and that really can affect people greatly where do you live then? so we're down in Adelaide, South Australia do you want to move into the brownery? I would love to I really appreciated when you reached out to me because you made me I was like in such a state for those weeks and you were probably the only one who I still remember after our first conversation sitting on the couch it was the first time I was able to just relax and let go and just fucking chill out so really appreciate you reaching out and it's a very important message to anyone out there sort your mental health if you feel like there's something wrong with your body and the doctors are saying there's nothing wrong with you there's a good chance it could be psychological, very some very good examples here absolutely, absolutely we really dismiss a lot of the psychological factors in our world and especially the the males the whole talking about mental health and the like there's so much stigma around mental health ending up in a straight jacket in a padded room but that's not really it at all there's so much more help and assistance out there and if we really open a dialogue of mental health out there I think we'll go a long way in helping to reduce the suicide rate which is just astronomical at the moment and there is different ways to look at and approach it and I think if we can help put people down the path of really engaging and reflecting in mental health I think we'll go a long way into helping society in him full I totally agree Dan 100% we'll let you go there but thank you very much for jumping on a call with us mate you've been very helpful and yeah everyone listening you heard the message go and get your mental health sorted and yeah thank you very much Dan appreciate all your work you're very welcome guys I look forward to talking to you again no worries mate we'll chat soon eh see you mate man he's got like he does make you he's like a psychologist himself I just want him to be my dad but he's got a beautiful family at home and they can move in too I want him alone I want him just me yeah but he's just such a fucking just went out of his way and whenever I was freaking out and anxious I'd call him at like 9.30pm and he'd just talk to me for like an hour man he's like wow that's such a nice day to do seriously he helps so much and such a smart dude too he's very well spoken for seven years just so we can figure out what's wrong with what's going on man if I was in his situation I'd probably just drug myself to death so was he a did he follow you or did he just happen to spot it in the algorithm I think he's mentioned that his kids watch out videos but I'm not sure he just saw the video and a couple of days later he just I just so happened to see a DM from him it's so nice just out of the kindness of his heart just to come out and Dr. Dan save the day and just like yeah fucking like how crazy is that that you can literally give yourself high blood pressure just because you haven't unpacked shit from your fucking childhood or from your past you can have like panic attacks and shit yeah like your brain is a powerful thing it's the stupidest fucking kind I've ever seen so if you're a victim out if Matt Brown has fucking fucked you around out there all those victims and you're going through all these physiological issues please go and seek help alright it's not because you've got a disease it's because Matt Brown has been through you well you probably have got a disease too yeah I'm gonna need to sort that out once I leave this house what's that my psychological brain ruined look at me I'm strapped to the ceiling it looks so fucked look at this he's choosing to stand now that's his decision to stand Matt just stands there when we sent him oh my god let's move onto the fucking horoscopes you fucking dogs wait can I quickly have a bong break for your mental health and... I need a piss bong break it's a bong break have a break it's not long eye is horoscope can I push that horoscope by style horoscope tongue alright this is a complication of all the most expert horoscopes compiled into one so they're very accurate tourists As the stars spin during the full moon. You will get an unflattering haircut this week Julian Street rat Because of the Sun's rays being angry and that Where SPF 50 when you graffiti and during the day Matt Brown hang on Matt Brown what the fuck with the hey horoscopes this week. There's wasn't much information coming in through the stars The cosmos had did not have much to offer this week I was gliding through fresh water streams Letting the cool spring water run across my stretched gills My arm would shoot out and I would grab a passing fish and bite its head off Then I would kick my legs up and jump out of the water breathe in some fresh air and splash back down into the water I noticed a disturbance up ahead in the water and started moving more stealthily I gently lifted my head up so that only my eyes were out of the water Ahead of me. I saw a bridge and I saw humans bungee jumping off of that bridge They would leap off and scream on their way down Then the upper half of their bodies would enter the river before they were slung back up and out I ducked back under the water and slither swam to the area where the humans were entering the water Hmm A little idea popped into my erectile brain The humans all seemed to be entering the water in the exact same spot And they would often have their mouths open from the screaming from the fall Whilst still underwater I slid my creamy g-string off and let my little brown sway from side to side with the running water I felt pure calmness I inched closer to where the bungee jumpers would enter the water And I waited I was completely naked now and my little brown had understood what we were going to do He had engorged with hot hot cream blood and stiffened painfully My trap was set Then Through the water, I see someone jump off of the bridge above us Here we go The human exploded into the water and their open mouth engulfed my heart throbbing brown I grabbed a hold of their head and started fucking furiously I tried to keep them under the water, but the bungee cord pulled us both up and out of the water I kept fucking hard and fast and the man whose mouth I had my dick in had a pure look of shock He fought desperately to push me off of him But my grip on his head was far too powerful Just as the onlookers from up on the bridge saw that we were attached My fucking men saw down this gun's throat I power banked my dna so fat and fast that I heard his esophagus tear I drained myself into this unsuspecting man and as soon as I was finished I released his head and dove back into the water below Confused screams shouted at me from above and the last thing I saw was my mince being belched out of my victim After I unplugged myself as he still hung from his bungee cord. I looked up at my prize. What the fuck are you doing? You shimmy your mate just sucked me off you cunt I was just trying to have a swim and he bit onto my fucking cock Now fuck off before I call the cops you fucking criminals Then I swam exactly how a dolphin swims back upstream What a wonderful day. Oh my god That is fucked That's not a horoscope. Well, it is it's under the horoscope um title bro. So yeah, it is Wow, you fucking is that rape? Well, they kind of raped him stop saying that. Yeah, I guess it either. Yeah, it depends because you just you just having a swim and they Yeah, you could just be doing some backstroke underwater. Yeah, you say that in court and you'll be fine Okay, I'm not going to court. We can represent you if you want that. No next I want a $5,000 retainer by the morning. I'll stall you at court. I'll get you a suit All right, so let's move on to who's the better brown Oh, yes And this week Matt ruined it last week and it's back to $200 this week. It was 1200 last week. That is correct. Okay, cool All right, so This is a segment where we find another person with a last name brown and they go head to head With our fucking brown and they have to answer the most questions correctly about brown shit Whoever answers more correctly gets $200 cash and if Matt wins it doubles to $400 cash Next week once it gets to 2k brown can keep it 10 that's 10 straight. That's very difficult. The price is right, bitch All right, let's call this brown Hello, hello, you're on the bat in michael podcast and you are about to participate in the most fucked segment ever known to mankind We've got a horny tongue Slythering out matt brown. He's flicking his tongue around and he's tapping his nipples He's tapping his nipples And he's flicking his balls and grabbing his own ass That's what matt's doing right now and he's so excited for this because he's heard you're a female. Just relax matt Stop scare her off So anyway, god, it's like a bachelor brown entrance. Stop it now now. Sorry. Can you please state your full brown name? You don't know how to say it do you that's why? Yeah, exactly. That's you got caught me Khadija brown. Well, what a name khadija Now do you guys know each other? No, I think so. Would you ever consider having a child with another brown knowing that you could be related some in some past distant ancestor That's why isn't it? Well, that's it's a it's a fair question. Would you would you have a child with someone else named brown matt? No, definitely not. Yeah, be a bit. Why matt would matt would 100% he would if if the person He looks good boring if the if the girl was blonde and faked it enough. He would 100 Have a child with a brown. She doesn't have to have luck. I'm not faked them. So he's all good All right, we're gonna get into these questions now. There's 200 dollars on the line. All right. Here we go question Good luck. Number one Who has more followers on instagram? Musician zack brown or ufc fighter matt the immortal Brown That's tough. I'll throw it to you first matt. I don't um I don't even know who zack brown is Yeah, no shit God I thought it browns you all browns. Yeah, so did I um Fuck I want to go matt brown, but i'm gonna say zack brown All right, so matt has entered zack brown. Do you can either choose to agree with him or you can say matt the immortal brown? Okay, so it was a ufc fighter or a single. Correct. All right Yeah, I think i'm gonna go the ufc fighter. Yeah All right Musician zack brown has 169,000 followers It's gonna be my friend. Yeah ufc fighter matt brown has 100 and 80,000 D takes the lead Browns Oh, wow, this is good. All right question number two If you went on the browns planes woolworth's online store and ordered one kilogram of brown sugar One kilogram of brown rice one kilogram of brown onions one packet of thin Brown rice cakes and one bottle of brown brothers muskado. What would your total bill be? Bill be Am I going yes, sorry d you're up first Like I'll go 55 dollars Maybe 70 70 dollars 70 dollars 70 dollars. All right. All right matt brown You think? Yeah, you've made that. That's your answer. Yeah, we're gonna have to lock that one indeed. We're gonna have to lock it in All right matt. What do you reckon? I don't think that much. I reckon it's going to be closer to like 30 dollars. What about inflation mate? They printed all that money 30 dollars. All right. Oh, shit the answer Is 26 dollars and five cents matt brown Oh, yeah, he shops a lot He shops a lot of woolworths and buys brown things his old pantries brown well done matt brown Yeah, I agree. I definitely would have thought I definitely would have thought that that would be more as well But all right, so one all one all currently all right question number three yeah What is a thunder brown? Is it a a turkish traditional instrument? be a twin satellite receiver see ukulele strings or d A popular brown cartoon cat from the 1920s Thunder brown Who's first? Matt you're up now. I'm going to go the twin satellite Yeah, that got me All right d. What do you reckon? I'll go the cartoon All right, thunder brown thunder brown the answer Is ukulele strings both? Who would have fucking thought that shit? What me so what is it one all right now? Yeah, it's one all this is fucking fucking crazy All right question number four American football team the cleveland browns Named after coach and co-founder Paul brown is represented at games by which mascot is it a brownie the elf brown brown the brown bear Big brown the brown dough boy or ranger brown Who's turn is it? Is it d's turn to answer first? d's turn to answer first Go brownie the elf Brownie the elf all right matt brown. I'm gonna go ranger the brown Oh, he knows it. Don't you I don't I just seems like I'm just trying to think cleveland browns Well the answer what would it be? Is brownie the elf Really the elf for a d is up to one d is up to one And matt must answer this question first two disadvantage. Oh, all right question number five The great white shark has the strongest jaws of any animal measuring 4,000 psi of force The brown bear Is also in the top 10 Which number in the top 10 is it? Matt you must answer first I'm gonna go Third place All right matt brown says third place all right d. What say you? um I'll go four That's strong. That's strong brown. It's not actually the answer Yeah is Ninth place Which means d has just won $200 $200 If you haven't got it last week the prize pool had gone up to $1,200 just to sort of make you feel a bit sad Give me a shout out on your Podcast and I'll be happy. Well there you go. Well All right, I don't which where's the d you can't say your name depending where I'm from K-a-d-i-j-a-h dot brown kadiya brown All right, kadeja, could you please send us your bank details? Just dm us on instagram and we will fix you up as soon as this fucking podcast is finished Awesome. Love you guys. Thank you. Thank you so much for participating. Thank you. Kaja. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye It's kardajah That's what I said, bro. Kadabra. Kade, kade, kanejia. Yeah, man. Kadashian. Kadasha. I thought like um Like my last names like Fucked but like I realized like first names like would be even be harder on your on yourself Harder on yourself. How did you redo? Mate, you lost again Yeah, what the fuck brown? Sorry Anyway, it's time. Oh shit Shit it is time Oh And this is a segment where matt and michael go head-to-head and they battle for the most important piece of Item ever and matt's bottle of mints the winner at the end of the season gets to keep Keep it and do with it. Whatever they want. I will be testing their physical emotional spiritual and intelligence All in one competition to see who is the better man overall currently michael leads six three And the competition today That's the competition that's the competition everybody We go far. No the competition is It was always air. Yeah Who is the better at reading at reading? Who is better at reading? I have written two different paragraphs. Okay, they both contain the exact same amount of words I've had james proofread them so that my handwriting is readable. So matt no excuses you come It's fair i've checked is james intelligent though. He might be able to read it and i'm a school teacher Yeah, that's what i mean. He might be able to read it. I wrote it very carefully Man, are there tricky words in there? Yes. I purposely made them tricky-ish words. All right now I will be we're gonna sound so dumb. I have a feeling i'm gonna win I will be timing you listen I will be timing you to see how long it takes you to read your paragraph Every error there is i'll raise my finger and that adds on Two seconds to your time. What are the errors like spelling miss that like if you mispronounce If you mispronounce or you yeah, or you don't know what a word is boom error Holy shit. This is scary Okay, all right now paper scissors rock to see who chooses which paragraph No, it doesn't but I like to keep things fair Otherwise matt complains and says that i've tried to rig it or some whole fucking things been rigged. Oh, wow. This is crazy Scissors paper rock All right, marco. You get to choose first Just pick one. They're the All right, don't open you yet your eye will start the time and then you can open it Well, wait, can he go first because I won the scissors paper rock and then I see my time. That's fair, right? I'm gonna complain whatever you say. He's gonna complain. What do you mean? I won the scissors paper rock Scissors paper rock so you get to go first. I didn't care which one you won. This is a paper rock. You get to choose Okay, you go first All right, so don't open it yet. I start the timer When I start the timer, that's when you get to open it. Okay. Is that the right way? Yes. That's the right way. Yep. All right ready three two one go A peculiar stench Reverberated through my stretched nostrils the decaying carcass of a wild boar was the epitome of prosperity My famished oral cavity engulfed my dead wife in full. I fucked my sister Okay, that's pretty good. I did one two mistakes. You mispronounced epitome and peculiar I'm well fucked. Yes, it is. I am well fucked. Where's epitome? The very beginning mate. No, it's in like the middle somewhere here. I'll show you that shows how fucked I am All right, so two so matt got a time of 18 seconds 83 with two mistakes Which adds four seconds. Oh my god. So he's on to 22 Seconds is matt's time well 22 point 22.8 83 22.83 is matt's time. Oh my fucking god. I'm nervous. All right. That was really good. That was not bad matt That was actually very good. I'm surprised. I thought I said the first that first mistake Funny like but I felt like I said the word right. I'm complaining Well, you have got blue hair. All right, here we go Wait, okay. Fuck your don't don't look through. Don't look you fucking cheat. Okay. Your time starts in three two one go The acquisition of fecal matter squandered my opportunity with a hairy prostitute She affiliated me with low socio-nomic creatures and refused to brand my arched back with a scalding hot spoon. I fucked my sister I swear you go he had an easy one. I'm complaining I did I fucking did it Michael's time was 17.5 seconds. There were also two slight mispronunciations. What were they? Um, also, I didn't know we were timing like that was a yes squandered and uh, oh no, and socio-economic I said so I would have read it faster. I didn't realize it was acquisition or I told you Yeah, I know, but you sort of said at the end. I didn't realize that was the affiliated. What was my other word? squandered or socio-economic or Michael fucking one. Let's move on. I said scalding. That's right. Hurry up. All right. So Michael's time is 21.5 seconds, which means everybody That Michael has taken a seven three Lead holy shit seven three lead. You need to explain a better. I didn't realize it was a speed thing You just said you were timing it No, the pronunciation is in my head. I was like, I've got to pronounce all the words properly You listen. You heard her clearly. You learn. Fuck. I'm so good. You need to work on your listening doubles You need to explain them better. You suck at math. You suck at reading and you suck at listening We read the same amount of errors. Just putting it out there. Yeah, but I read quicker my brain go quicker Yeah, I could have read it faster. I'm faster at taking in information and processing. Yeah, you didn't I I was more pronunciation. I didn't think about the speed of it. Oh, man Yeah, well, that's what you got to take in. I took all variables in I can it's like with fortnite Yeah, I'm just saying when I told you how to use your ogmorts You didn't know how to do that while running. I'm just gonna do it now. Let's same thing I'm quicker with more things Man, I'm seven three up. Yeah, that's a quite a lead brand You're gonna have to really spool that fucking fish out of your arse and slog it against the wall cunt next. Yeah Oh, man, that was close. Thanks. We have tinda adventures. Fuck. This just gets worse I cannot find a wife. Matt can't find a wife so we've gone to town for him Oh It's been such a shit day. Have you have you had any bites? All right. No, I haven't you know what I've had I've had some random bitch ring me in the fucking day Going what's going on? Oh, I've been fucking arrested. When did you get arrested? I don't have no idea What was going on? Let's give some context. Okay. Look. Oh, there have been some girls Okay, and despite And I've been doing well and they've been wanting your phone numbers wanting your snapshots and I give it to them No, one of the girls giving my phone number one of the girls I gave matt's phone number two She immediately called him She immediately called him matt had no idea what she's talking about and like I've just had a conversation with her on tinda So she's talking to matt about all the shit that would you spoke about on tinda and matt's like, uh I don't know what you're talking about and she thought that he'd forgotten I think conversation with that she goes. Um, I come in. She said she got arrested or she had a Like a court order against her and she goes What's your court order? I said I said, uh, I don't know. I said what's yours and she goes what you don't remember. I went no Wow, and she got she got fucking pretty upset. Was she was she did you want did you want to put in? No, you didn't want to transfer dna What about okay, have you been happy with any as anything happened? No, there's been another another girl who Who doesn't want a relationship just wants pure sex who had now has matt's number. So stay on stand by for that I'm funneling them to matt snapchat and i'm giving them his number Matt if matt wants to get laid it's there and and and that's that's something to be happy about matt Well, you want sex it's there. Yeah, and we've done that for you. No more hand You just you come and then you go away You yell get out Would you say marty that there's been some glimmers? It's hard to tell now because like that means there's been none. No because it's so funny early on like When it's first it's the same with like when we first started doing the diary entries and shit No, no, I don't mean glimmer conversations. I mean, is there ones that brown? Good over yes Yes, you still got it Dude, you're getting some good matches, dude. Yeah, but i'm sure you're destroying any chance of life He set up a you can have sex. I've seen the pictures. I have what about the one I showed you before No, you didn't let me look at that. You saw you went. Oh, no, I showed you one picture and you were like I said no Started lactating at the breasts and your balls swelled up with possum shit and you were all fucked up Can't all right. Here we go first one. Wow. I'm actually salivating looking at your fucking pics and shit Want to go to couples counseling with me? And there's another one that didn't write back I would grip you so hard if you were mine. What's your job? Whoa grip is you dude. You can't say that No, it's like it's yours. Yeah, it's like you really want to hold her tight Oh, wow grip is like that's a rough sort of terminology first. You can't say that anymore Here's another one that took shockingly didn't reply. I'm slithering around my apartment. It's so fucking wild. How much do you weigh? Holy i'm just trying to go off what you would actually say someone's one if that person sees me or is like friends with people She knows so I am that's why I'm trying to I'm mashed with them on tinder and he opened up with how much do you weigh? Well, that's what I'm trying to the ice breakers. Well, I'm trying to say what you would say I'm just like trying to channel my inner matt brown and talk to them. You rhymed then say what you would say All right, this girl started the conversation and there's a little bit of a conversation here. Okay Here we go Nice face you have there she starts with wow She started she started that. Whoa, and she do have a lovely face such a nice face and matt replies Hot chest and head you got want to go drink driving with me later If I if I drink and you drive I'm already half fucking cut. I suppose if I stop now and vomit. I'll be sweet to go lol Don't worry about it. You keep going and have fun. And then that was that was the end of the conversation Wait, no, no the next morning. She messages Still hung over Yeah, I was fully shaking and convulsing the next day I had I had to scream for help and the neighbors rocked up with a carton So fucking hectic and shit as fucking hell Jesus needed nurse christine. Hey, yeah, she wrote back. Just listen to the conversation. I'm sorry. I hate her Yeah, I don't like her either. I fucking hate this girl. Jesus needed nurse christine. Hey Yeah, I actually did I even scribed your name onto twice. Can you get me painkillers? Oh really dreaming of me nurse christine provides painkillers powerade apple juice Doesn't burn when you throw it up and freshly cooked bacon on pizza Oh, I want to wrap my arms around you and look you in the eyes Then I want to gently kiss your lips and nibble on your chin hairs be with me chris He got a crease on my chin hairs. How did you know I had them? I actually do it sucks I'm I'm super blonde and barely have have to shave my legs. I'm like Siamese human, but I have two fucking chin hairs Babe, everyone has chin hairs chris. My mom has like a full beard. It's fucking hilarious She saves shaves like every day. She's so self-conscious about it But I'm always like mom shut the fuck up. You're fucking hot stop being fucking dumb Then she always feels better I pluck mine. I only have two, but I'm only 34 watch this space low Oh, what the fuck is going on man? I can nibble them down chris. Don't even worry about that shit Oh You could even tie them together like shoelaces. I'm growing my nipple hair at the moment is actually wild One hair is like 20 20 centimeters long. I can show you if you want don't get freaked out though It kind of looks like a black piece of string Holy shit lol, how has it not been plucked out? I'm I'm very careful with it. I put my shirts on very slowly and avoid touching it I think I'm gonna go for a world record or some shit. I'm kind of embarrassed by it though Sometimes I don't know if I want to be known as the nipple hair freak I just want people to respect me and shit. Does that make sense chris? Oh my fucking god, dude And she didn't reply after that Like for how long has it been Those days Yeah That's all right. She's that's all right She sounded quite fucked anyway. Oh man. Can I see the picture of that? Can we still have a photo? You don't have a photo Fucking hell. All right, so matt starts this conversation with someone who is quite attractive I want to crawl into bed with you and start our lives together Wow, you really dive deep That's the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me. Thank you Did you know that bears sometimes mate with their prey? I found that out and fully flipped out. Hey You mean bears mate with humans? Are you in radio or something? I am have you heard Working with ash kip and lutsy at the moment. It's so fucking stupid What's your what's star sign are you? I feel like you're a Sagittarius Uh-huh. You read my bio. I haven't heard. I'm guessing from your From your headphones. That's rad. I love ash kip and lutsy I'm that new star sign the threatened pig one. Yeah, they're fucking mad cunts ash smokes like 20 bombs a day though I don't know how he functions kip cheats on his sister. Do you go out night clubbing? I fucking love night clubbing so much And then she she didn't reply How long ago was that? That was a while ago So this picture this girl has a picture with a like a Like a weird horse in her pictures like I mean a weird horse. I don't know. I don't know what it was exactly So that's why you say what you do now What's that thing in your last picture and why are you attacking it? Is that like a horse or some shit? Uh the alpaca alpaca. What a weird name for a horse. Can you ride horses too? No reply Oh, that is good this girl is called carly, okay What's up, carl? I want to grab a bucket of fish and shoot some hoops Hey, I can't today. Sorry. I'm on auntie duties How many aunties do you have to look after my aunties are so fucking dumb it pisses me off so much Let's catch up this weekend. I need some help mowing my lawn I mean, I'm looking after my nephews. How are your aunties dumb? Uh, dude, I don't I don't mowing lol. I also work most weekends. Haha. I'm a great catch. Haha Why can't your aunties look after your nephews? Are your cousins with your uncles? My aunties are just like so fucking dumb. It's so fucked One auntie slipped down the stairs and snapped her ankles So we had to stop drinking and take her to the stupid fucking hospital. What do you do for work and shit? No, I do it. I knew she wouldn't reply. That fucked it All right, this is another one. This is another one with no reply I saw a car crash today. It was on the news and shit. You can see me in the background waving heaps Man, you would think that deserves a reply that is hilarious. Oh Fucking hell. This is the one that called you. This is the one that called you. All right. I don't want to read this one So no, this will make sense to you now from what she said to you You can link doc So your cat look she has a picture of a cat in one of her pictures. Your cat looks sick. Let me take you to the vet Are we role playing already? Yeah, so it got to um, I just want to read this part again because it's I really enjoy it So it gets to the role play. Are we are we role playing? Yes, you're the vet that helps the cat You tell me how much it costs, but I can't afford to pay you So I slip on my latex glove and tell you to breathe I immediately pull my pants and underwear down. I turn around and bend over. I stretch my cheeks apart as hard as I can Uh, this is escalated. I ignore your comment and shuffle backwards towards you Do it. I scream as I feel myself start to tear I grab the speculum and spread you enough to allow two fists He's he's squeal and call me mummy I release my cheeks as your fists are inside of me and my cheeks clap shut You desperately try to pull out, but I have you now. I start sucking you in swallowing your arms bit by bit up my ass Okay, this is turning morbid maddie I sense your panic and relax my ass You managed to twist your fists out of me and my insides cascade out from behind met them Feeling embarrassed. I quickly turn and try and stuff my insides back up my ass. Hey, are you free this weekend? Ah Fucking pro lapsed him. Oh my god I am on sunday fucking sick. We're about in brissey as your nest. My nest is north brissey I'm from the dirty south. Can we do long distance? Oh, what the fuck? Why do you live there? I read that the water and shit has like fecal matter and fucking rat skulls and shit in it Is that true? Do you drink that water? I swish it down with a side of urine. Oh That's fucking nuts. I've got a bucket of piss in my wardrobe if you want. It's fucking hectic. Hey, I need to pour it out And just never get time Uh, I actually believe that just saves time at night. My bathroom is like across the hall and shit Have you ever been arrested and shit? No, just a lot of seasoned assists. Oh no way. Ha ha. I've had a bunch of those twos. What the fuck were yours for and shit? Actual story matched with a guy in here. He said he worked for dabble, which is some betting app He was here in brisbane for work asked me to come around to his hotel I said no offered billy joll box tickets at the mcg. I already had tickets We spoke on the phone still asked me coming around. He said no, he started joking off I fake fell asleep because I felt weird and uncomfortable. He came and hung up next day. He unmatched me So I joined dabble and discovered they had a chat room in the app and he featured heavily in it as baz from finance So I asked if he liked billy jolly in the chat. I got banned. I left a review And he got a lawyer involved That's so fucking stanthorpe. Holy shit. I'm giggling like a stone child Surely he can't like see you for that Especially since he tossed off while you're on the phone to him. Do you have feelings for him or is it well and truly over now? Oh, lol. It was one night chat. I don't form feelings until like six years in I'll be like 50 and six years Do you kiss people even when you don't have feelings? I fucking love kissing. It makes my gills flutter. Oh If you're a good kisser, it can stir up some feels My uncle reckons I'm shit, but I don't really try with him I'm keen to stir up some feelings and shit though. Should we go see billy joll? He's been in gone I was settled for you washing my car in a mechanics outfit just like he did in uptown girl I actually have a mechanic mechanics outfit from a halloween party. Such a fucking shit party I got fucking food poisoning from a pie and vomited in their washing machine So what's breastfeeding like? Have you ever done it? Never done it. I've tried babies are so sexist though. Do you have any special powers? Blowjobs, what's your address? What's your number? Can we talk on snapchat? I've been scammed before by giving my and then I gave her matt's number Wow So she can I see this girl? Is she like Did you like this one brown? No Um, what did she sound like on the phone? Well, she's actually sounded really nice Why don't you marry her because you say why don't you marry her to every girl? Or hardly ever having for ages since last season today Yeah, maybe but like that means I'm just trying to help Hey, we just want to help with my bar. You guys aren't helping. Yeah, we're helping and it's it's you know It's affecting my mental that sounds like she's down with your like Quirkiness system All right, here we go next one. This one really didn't like you much So, yeah, maybe don't pursue this one Hit me up on snapchat. This fucking shit is so fucking lame, man. How much do you weigh? Oh, it's shit question brother It's been like 10 years since I spoke into a girl. What's a good question coach me, please What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm sure there will be some thirsty chick out there to help you with all that Please missy. I don't have anyone else You're the only person in my life I'll do anything Please just give me a good question to ask I feel like you're some 15 year old on school holidays with fake accounts I'm a fun fun cool-looking lad. It doesn't match up. Hey, I'm a 42 year old man I've just gotten out of an incredibly long abusive relationship. I just couldn't stop abusing her It was really horrible. And now I'm trying to change my skin and become a better man Someone my cousin can be proud of so I'm sorry if I say things that hurt your feelers Is there any advice you can offer me mish-mish? No reply Damn it Holy shit. I just punched a hole in the wall at my work. I fucking hate our printer. It always breaks Anyway, what brands do you wear? Oh, tell me yours and I'll tell you mine Oh Hungry jacks. I'm regional manager and look after like four stores and shit And I like wearing rip curl and fox I know it's old school, but they just have such good style If you want any hj's discounts, just let me know I can hook you up Wow, that's so cool You'd look so foxy in your preferred brands. Also super rooster is far more superior Yeah, rip curl has these sick bodies on sale at the moment So I'm gonna go get them as soon as I get paid next they're black with like flames on the side and shit Oh, fuck. You're a super rooster fan. I must say I do love cheeky chicken roll with extra extra extra cheese and shit What age did you lose your virginity? Oh, no. Oh, no No Oh, that's so far this one's this one's I like this one. Okay. Yes Hi matt happy weekend. I hope it's been great so far I literally just watched my mom break her arm falling down some stairs. I fully regret laughing now Hey, it's a pretty bad break. How's your weekend been better than mine so far. I bet Oh, goodness me. I'm well I'm on dog watch my dog ended up with an overnight stay the vet with off-the-chart liver enzyme markers He's napping now, but I'm in the house band for a few days in case he takes a turn and we need to go to the emergency Oh, fuck We've both had super bitch tit weekends by the sounds of it. Hope your pop pulls through Let me know if I can drop over any treats. I've got a bottle of mint it can have I'll message back soon though. My mom's getting so annoyed at me being on the phone I'll get at a hospital and chat after L bell Okay, hope your mom pulls up. Okay. Oh Fucking hell, man. Just got out of hospital. She snapped her arm clean in half So clumsy once I drop mom off back home I might head out to some bars and shit I bought a wheelchair a few years back and take it out of my car with me So I got heaps good parks works everywhere. I can get you one if you I can get you a wheelchair too if you came She's not replied to that Oh My god, fucking hell. Oh, yeah, this one's good. This is the one that you could have sex with if you wanted to She has your number now. All right, so listen to this giving him my number listen to this conversation Okay, you need to check with me before you give him my number. No When I grab a drink and stretch out gills this weekend another best sandwich place If the kids go with nan definitely then fortunately have had nasty flu that's going around at the moment You've made me hungry now lol Looking at your pics makes me hungry like a lion staring at its prey and shit. Where do you live in shit? I live in kalanga. What about you? I'm in bridgeman downs in a massive massive house with a pool and shit You could come sunbaek and I can and I could worship you and smother you with tanning oil and feed you grapes and shit Stop. Oh, stop it. You'll you'll make a lady cry with tears of joy doing stuff like that Or maybe a cling on that will never want to leave wink face lol. Oh, fuck dude. I would let you live rent free in my house I have two I have two spare bedrooms and I have a massive pool. I'm not even kidding. Please move in I know we don't even really know each other yet, but please. I'm begging you. Just move in rent free, of course What's your email? I can put you on the lease and make it so you can move out whenever you want I'll even cook for us every night and you can just chill and do nothing and shit Wow slow down as much as I appreciate the offer like you wouldn't believe I've got two kids We've been through a lot of stuff and our mental health is our first priority right now Not to mention I have some trust issues and stuff going on Stuff going on to help me deal with deal and cope with the past I would be more than happy to catch up With you for a drink or a coffee talk get to know each other I've got valiums and shit for the mental health shit if you need. What's your kid's names? Is it Brenda? I'm always here for you and shit if you need to chat about shit I'm so keen for a coffee. Have you ever done dark web pingers? No, I've got vows to and no, it's not Brenda. I've actually got three kids But my 15 year old is in Toowoomba with her nan. I wanted her away from the bad influences Yeah, I've done all sorts of pingers haven't in about two years though. What are you doing tonight? You got a mad rig for someone who's expelled three kids from within not too much Hey, want to hang and get some pizzas? Yeah, I would like that. I don't have a car at the moment I'll explain that one later. Lol. Where do you live? I've got like three cars and I can come and grab you and shit Hang on. I'm just about to have a meeting with some concrete I'll message you in an hour to confirm and shit and then I texted you her number text me sweet cheeks I saved your number handsome. I was going to text but didn't think you'd appreciate it I've got your notification set up as an alarm. So as soon as you text a really loud alarm goes off So I don't stress so don't stress about texting me at any time of the day. I'm always here for you You've got it next you've got to try and push for her to move in again No, shut up. Her kids are welcome too. Would you be okay with that Matt? No, Matt come on I'll just move out if that thing goes up. You gotta be open to these things That sounds horrible. Just a couple of kids in the spare room and then she can stay in your room. She does pingers Yeah, great All right guys, and that is the progress of matt's tinder adventures everyone That's not even progress. What do you mean progress? I've got numbers. You've got sex. You've got snapchats You've got any of that and I've got no happening matt You're welcome and we're going to continue to do god's work and hopefully Fingers crossed you will find a wife by the end of this. I don't really hope this works All your cups are filled. You've got lays snaps phones marriage kids Everything we are now skipping questions this week. Sorry jono because Because matt just said just turn around to us. He he said to connor to cut this and he goes I don't fucking feel like doing fucking stupid questions this week for fuck's sake Let's just fucking move on kind of make sure you cut that he said that to us So just to honor matt's feelings. We will cut that and we'll move on To michael's movie reviews. Um, uh, do we have a jingle for that? Oh, yeah matt loves a movie michael thinks he's groovy Matt loves a movie. Which one will it be today? Hey, man, they love me and that was actually matt at the end of that All right guys michael's got another movie to review. All right And um, so matt what movie did you give michael to review last week? The first ever fast and furious Oh, that's right. All right. So michael has had to watch the first ever fast and furious. Let's hear what michael thinks Yeah, like Fuck you again, dude. And please don't forget to like comment subscribe and give us five sorry if you're on spot at five Please please i'm begging you. I'm sorry. Let's go. Um, the reason why you like the film Is because you're in it Oh, really matt? What part of my in? Vin Diesel I didn't look anything like Vin Diesel. He did maybe four months ago, bro Vin Diesel's like an italian american Um, oh look, dude, it's just a whole lot of fucking shit for a street racing film There's like three races two of them are like 30 seconds long the first one shit Okay, well the first one of the star where he gets involved. It's so and oh when he throws down the pink slip Yeah That about sums it up Like if you think that's good You've got like trauma like I haven't got trauma matt. I don't think it's you've been dropped Look at the way you dress. Let me speak in the terms of movies It's not the best but in terms of fast and furious is because there's so many it's the best What do you give it out of 10? In terms out of all the fast and furious or just give that general as a movie. Yeah Five out of 10 Yeah, see that's shit anything below an eight is shit and like but it was a childhood film You said like all sort of high school. You said man I couldn't stop thinking about you talking about the special features Yeah, so if you don't realize, um, there's a part of the star where they do the street racing They cut off the streets and a pizza guy comes over the hill and he's like he's like, oh, why can I get through? He's like find another way Don't know that don't have memory of that. He's like goddamn street races. That's the director of the film Dr. Dan was talking about director. You've got a certain amount of space in your brain Yeah, so I let it out filled it with shit like that. Yeah, but I let it out to you So then that's why I'm good You it's not bottling it up. It's not cool when you say That sort of shit like that's just you shouldn't know that did you watch the street race at the end? Oh, dude, I watched the whole thing. Amber even watched it with me But so when they amber thing when they um, she was sort of excited for the nostalgic expert because she's seen it before But like she quickly was like, yeah, that was fucked. So what was so that okay? Look, this is the scene. Okay. There's a scene where the gang rock up at the cafe And they're mad at Paul Walker Because he's there he's dead and it was like watching children in their mid 20 year old bodies And then they're not all mad at him one guy's mad because he's got a crush on the girl and he's chatting with the girl floating That's why he's mad. Like they walk in the dude Imagine like walking into a bar and getting upset at someone at the bar So you walk in and you act like uh, like, I don't know just really like over the top Like one's like sort of like laugh and like, oh, what's he doing there man? Like, oh my god And then like a tough guy shit. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I mean. Like it's like oh, yeah And kids watch that shit. Is anyone's like fucking repeat it. Okay. That's why kids get king hit and bash to death You get a fat burger from now on 295 with cheese or what they do that's a bit, isn't it can't do that Matt I nearly left. Hey, man. He was in my face. I'm in your face if I wasn't fully That's exactly what he says and you don't want Yeah Thank you, marty fucking that needed that Um, yeah, then that's what I mean and you are just being more fucking brain space filled up with shit Because don't attack me the quiet dude. Don't do that Don't act like that then then attack the film. Yeah, I am but don't you are being the film So I'll attack you too. Did you ever think that you just didn't understand it and you're upset because you didn't understand I'm glad if I understand that then fuck me to death Look at the fucking what the fuck. Okay. These are the what okay. These are some of the quotes from the film, marty Tell me, okay. There is I need nos Someone said that I need he needs nos to win the noses like piss me off. That's when everyone got upset everyone was obsessed with nos I remember that nos period a and these fucking neon lights underneath the car like oh fuck off What in the car sound turbo Yeah, people think that that sound is what about when they have the race and he loses like He's like, why are you laughing? He goes he goes, how am I sad you and he's like you never had me You never had your car. Yeah, dude. Well, I think I've got that. Do you have that one? Oh, no, this is another fuck. Yeah, fuck off. Don't remember shit like that It's not how you stand by your car. It's how you race your car Fuck don't say that you said car twice in the sentences It's stupid you ride a car a car Okay, ask any racer. It don't matter if you win by an inch or a mile winnings winning Dude, that's what that's so fun. You have any times have you watched it? You this is why you don't have a why you watched it? I watched it a bit when I was a kid because it was one of the first dvds I ever got given Yeah, wow, it was like gladiator shrek and fasten furious the nerd guy. Um, who knows all the shit about the cars He needs to be bashed vince needs to be bashed and he can get fucked. He's just a fuckwit tough guy fuck off Those tough guys are such Oh, man, and then there's the there's this is the sickest part of the film And this is why anyone who says it's a good film is dumb because there is no conclusion. There's nothing What are you talking about nothing? Okay, firstly that whole the the car scene where they're trying to fuck the truck man They're trying to have sex with him I They should have okay. He would have reported that to the police Paul walker who's an undercover agent apparently a guy shooting at them. Yeah Do you watch the film? He goes they go truckers are going to take things in their own hands And that's what they mean. He's going to have a gun and he's going to shoot at them. Yeah, and that's what happens Yeah, he would have reported that to the police probably did but they're not there fast enough to catch him because Why isn't their resolution what what so what that he just drives off after he do the dumbest shit at the end You didn't watch the end of the credits, did you? Yeah, I couldn't have turned it off straight away. There's a scene at the end of the credits where it drives off into Mexico You missed it. They fucking have this Stupid race at the end instead of talking like adults and sorting their shit out and going How are we going to get away with that crime and like i'm sorry? I was an undercover agent and I went behind your back and I fucked your sister They have this dumb race and then there's a train coming. Yeah I used to race here back in high school. That's what I say every time blah blah I used to race here back in high school. That's what he says He goes from here to the train lines a quarter mile like green. I'm going it don't do that Dude, don't you'd fucking it up. You're making me mad up. Do you know they did that crush for real? They had a little thing and they actually flipped the car and they actually drove under it That is actually pretty cool. All right. That's I'm done. It is literally it's a look It's better than that fucking weird horse film. You made me watch horse soldiers It is a one out of ten. You gave it one out of ten. You've given everything but the musketeers As like below zero So yeah, well, maybe it's a zero two You've you've hated this film from the sound of it a lot yet You're giving it a one. That's very confusing. You just stick with you need to stick with your your ratings better Well, no look the the so you liked it a bit if you're giving it a one you liked it a bit Okay, I didn't pull fucking like walkers. I knew it. Paul walker is sexy Okay. Yeah, he is That's it. That's all I liked about it. So what do you give it out of ten one one make is it a five? All right. What's what's the next movie for next week? Um, it's one of my all-time Planet of the apes. No, but that's a good one. I should put that in the course. You like that. Um, have you seen it? No, it's Watch that which one the one with charlton hesson or the one I don't know what you lost me. You immediately lost me when you said which one so gross, man God, which one actually there's three. So you got charlton hesson, which is all you've got mark wallberg Which is the tim bird. What is he watching and then you've got the one with uh, that guy who got done for like touching You're we're losing our audience right now. Sorry Oh, man. It's the most you've spoken all day God you're so passionate about dumb shit. Okay, um, it's called the usual suspects Okay, look, I haven't seen it and I'll give it at least it's got a title that one of your favorite actors Is that Kevin spacey and adam sandler I don't really like that And also guys remember Comment website members comment which website video you would like matt to watch and then we'll start making him do that after next week All right guys Time for the fucking fucking prank call you fucking dumb bitch sit back and grab a fucking bruski Have a fucking bong and get ready because darren's here. Can't yeah prank call time Darin will be calling a cake shop and he will be wanting them to have a compartment within that cake So he can smuggle drugs into his prison because his wife's in there for sexually assaulting his neighbors fish Wow, oh, what's her name? Viya v a a lk. She sounds swedish Mom was just on meth when she named her and that's the sound that she was screaming from her hospital bed As she was going through extreme withdrawals. You fucking can't All right, here we go Hey Yeah, good day matt. Hey guy um these Yeah, these do lock um custom cakes and that lock if I like have locked us on and that if I have locked my Unders on can use do that for me. Is that something you blacks do or not? Or when you need it What's that? What's that ball? Uh, when do you want to pick up when you need the cake or needed done ball lock midday tomorrow right, but But tomorrow No, okay, well when's the earliest use can do like just listen to me first right because it's not that big It's not much. You don't need to do much to it. Like I'm just going to come in right by normal lock fucking cheesecake or whatever He's got there, right, but what I need one to use like cake Files to do is put like a hole in the side of it, right? And then hollow out like a little bit in the middle of the cake Right and then make it look like there's no hole in the side of it, right? Because I've got like my own special ingredient, right? I'll come in once you's had done the hole I'll put my special lock Uh, like a little bag of like flour in that in the middle of the cake But then you's got to close the hole So that I can take the cake to my wife. She's she's in prison at the moment She's in over at wake hole and it's her birthday to like two days, right? So I want to take the cake to her, right? But I want my gift to be in the middle of the cake. Does that make sense or like not not not not yet, but Uh, the thing is that like for tomorrow, it's not going to be possible because so, you know, like a uh For custom cakes, they need like at least five working days Right. No, I'm saying like what whatever cake you's got there I'm saying just just take some of the middle bit out of it, right? So you don't need to make a brand new cake You just you just take a bit out of the middle and then I'm going to put more present to my wife In the middle of the cake and then you just put cake over the top of it. Do you know what I mean? So you can't so it's like you can't see that there's a present in the middle of the cake Does that make sense like so it's like a normal cheesecake When we make in a hole, uh It's going to be hard to fix up the cake at the top part. They're going to be look down. No, no, no top part I'm talking like Eva on the bottom right or a little door on the bottom of it Or like a little door on the side right and then I can I can stick me like bags of um Flower let's call it flower. I'll stick that through the side So it's in the middle of the cake and then you close the door on the side So if all if I show it to security and that like out wake all they'll be like, oh, that's that's just fucking cake He says he's got fucking cake. He's bringing in but then I'll give it a more wharf And then she like she gets to take that in um, and then when she cuts into it like she'll see that um I've put like my gift in the middle of it It's her birthday You know where is the ball like It's a hard one to make the hole at the bottom No, no, I'm not saying like a hole. You I'm not saying you leave the hole I'm saying you put a hole in the cake, right? I'll put my drugs in the hole and then you put the cake back over the hole Yeah, I'm just saying like at the bottom Is it going to be hard to make that like the cake is already ready there What about the side then mate? Come on. He's do custom cakes. What about the side? It's her birthday, man. I can't let her down ball Yeah, I understand but tomorrow it's not gonna be possible Yeah, that's right. Right. Well, you tell me what day is good for you then mate. Oh, do you have misses? Do you got to miss our time or what? No, like I have proper decorator. She's not here at the moment, but like Yeah, but do you got to miss out home? You got a wharf or what? No, no, like I'm single at the moment. You're single at the moment. Yeah, well, mate I'm telling you right once you get a miss out you'll understand well if you like don't get like Fucking cakes and fucking flowers and fucking decent that and then fucking put the fuck toilet seat down fucking jibber jabber Fucking do this fucking do that. You're fucking good. I fucking put the fucking rubbish. Yeah, I'm gonna fucking be young Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck if you don't fucking do that. It's what shit, mate My missus go off her fucking nothing. She'll fucking lose her fucking one come So I've got to get this cake done by the weekend. Do you know what I mean? And all I'm asking you brother I'm asking you to have my back, brother Just come and have my back right and put a fucking hole in the side of the cake So I can stick me drugs in it and then you cover the hole up So the security cards can't see that there's drugs in the middle of the cake Yeah, I understand but like the thing is the way I'm saying like uh, uh tomorrow is not gonna be possible Right Because I'm not a decorator decorator like she's not gonna be in tomorrow either Right, right, right. So what's the earliest thing you reckon about? It's at least tomorrow is not gonna be possible Like at least by working day Like all right, so you're saying by next Monday You can do that cake for me And you can put the hole in it and I can come in and stick me little baggies in it And then you can hide it and conceal it so that no one knows we can't do that one So we can't do this one. What do you mean, mate? You just bloody said you could mate What do you line to me for bro? Come on. You just said you had me back Us boys got to stick together, mate Yeah, try to ring up staff or so. Maybe they can do that Mate, I just called staff of store. They told me to call you, bro She told she told me there. She said that you you definitely help me out, mate. I'm on my fucking knees, bro I'm on my fucking knees, brother. Please. I'm begging you, brother. I'm on my fucking knees I'm looking up right now at the sky, right? I'm outside and I'm looking up the fucking sky And I can see like the star formation and shit forming this fucking clouds moving across And I fucking see the kangaroo We can't the kangaroo or the fucking boxing gloves Cut the fucking flying across in our great country. Can't our fucking beautiful great country The southern cross is just fucking splaying across like that. The moon's shining Reflecting a roll off it, right? And I can see a fucking meth pipe over in the fucking corner And all I want is to put that meth pipe in that cake for my miso, brother That's it. That's all I want, buff Yes, the way I see it is I'm not a decorator. The decorator, she's away Like uh, so I can't do anything at the moment What if I can't mean and you if I can't mean I bought the cake, right? And you just watch me Stick the meth pot into the cake and then you just put a bit of cake over the top of the hole I can't do that one. That's why I just Like that's fine. I've done it like By the decorator you can buy that cake you can make it whole you can do whatever you like Or look, mate. Look, look, I'll actually respect like what's going on Like I've come in I've come in a bit like hot in that and you've like sort of stood your ground, right? And you've you've said to me you're firm like you're firm and you and you sort of said to me No, I can't do it and like I've got to be honest with you, brother Like I I respect that like I understand what's going on now And like you're coming across as like I am like like true man And I want you to know like I've got your back, brother Like I I won't I won't push this night further, right? Because you've just earned more respect with how you've handled my aggressive demeanor. Does that make sense to you? Yeah, I understand your thing by what I'm saying Like at the moment the decorator is on a holiday. Yeah, fucking decorators, mate Fucking decorators, mate. They're they're dog shit, but as if I'm just saying you right now like You're my brother Mate, you're my brother. You're my brother. You're my blood for life now because of the way you the way you stood up to me Okay, listen, I'm gonna go customer waiting for me. Okay. The way you stood up to me The way you stood up to me is really I'll love you. Okay. I'll love you lock I'll love my own sons that I've got six of them Kade Kade Kade Kade and Kade and Kade Okay, I look man. The way I say I'm working like a 10 customer waiting in front of you I'll totally understand. I'll totally understand. You go to where I'll love you. I just I want you to know I love you Meth pops in cakes. It's it's nothing I'm gonna let you go. I'm gonna let you go as soon as you say I love you. Love me. Just tell me you love me Look man, look I'm busy now Just tell me you love me. Please just tell me you love me before you go. Please. I'm on my knees I'm on my knees. Please you tell me you love me. Please. I need it. I need to hear I can I can listen. I love you. I love you so much. Please say it to me. Please. Please say it to me. Please say you love me I can't do this. Please. Just tell me you love me. Please. I'm on my hands and knees, mate Okay, man. Silent cross. What the hell is that? Silent cross. I can stand right now. I love you. I love you All my heart So close Oh, man He he can't say that. Maybe it's just like he just didn't love him. He's He's firm with it. Yeah, he only says I love you to people. He actually loves Man that was fucked like I hate you as a customer. Yeah, like that's rough. I would have hung up ages Lately saying he's gonna stick a meth pipe in the cake Oh, man, I love it when you get so passionate and you stand back and you respect that He didn't understand that. He thought I was still having a go at him. Yeah, he's like Decorated on here. Oh, by the way cheesecake shop. No baker at one. No decorator the other one get your shit together Cannon Hill Cheesecake Shop always had everyone there. I love love that place. Yeah. Yeah There's good memories from at brown in that place Yeah That is so true everybody But look too the the winner at the end of the day is cheese cake All right guys, don't forget to like comment subscribe and give us a five star review on spotify if you can't please I'm begging you bro. I'm literally fucking sucking your cock for it, bro I'll fucking suck your cock and I'll suck your tits clean off for it, bro Please please tell everyone about us tell everyone about us So only way we grow this is already probably age restricted So no one knows about this shit and it's a funny shit in the world And if you want it to keep going you have to spread the word. It's all up to you It's up to you guys the fans to keep this shit going because all the platforms hate us And they want us off of it because of fucking that cunt and we're the fucking best cunt Give us a five star review. Give us a fucking five star review. That's fucked. That's fucked. 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