 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, why a man plays hard to get when he's into you, when he's into you. Why do men play hard to get? All right, really quickly, if you're new to my YouTube channel, hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new content. If you like this video, please smash that like button so more people can see this in their feed. All right, so why do men play hard to get when they're into you? It's really, first off, it's not hard. They're not playing hard to get. First off, men aren't playing a game in this particular case. There's this big misconception about men and it's rightfully so because men, look, can we just be real about most men? Most men are good guys. Most men are good guys. They're just bad daters and what I mean by that is whether they're the policemen, the firemen, the accountant, the person who fixes your TV, whoever it is, most men want to feel loved. They do want to feel loved. I mean, we really do. The little kid inside of us wants to feel loved just like the little kid inside of you wants to feel loved. It's just natural to want to feel that way. The challenge with many men is that we've been taught to repress our feelings, to stuff down our feelings and not to show emotions. So I want to impress upon you that most men are not intentionally being mean and I know a lot of you have experienced some really shitty crappy things in your life. You felt like you've been used by men. You felt like you've been taken advantage of by men. You felt like they've been disingenuous to you. Is that the right way of saying it? Disingenuine, disingenuous. And by the way, for the record, men say the same thing about women. You know, I mean, I'm in a group of a men's group and men complain about women all day long just like women complain about men all day long. The bigger issue is why is there just so much complaining instead of leaning into loving one another and understanding one another and that's what I'm here to talk about today. Because here's the thing, when you understand male behavior you can predict what's gonna happen next and when you can predict what happens next you can make better choices. This is why I'm such a big proponent. I'm always pitching a book on every video because the more you learn and understand not the rules-based way of dating or the men are from Mars biology-based way of dating I'm here to educate you on the real issues that are plaguing us. And that's most of it is centered around childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that are unhealed. And I'm yelling, okay, gotta tone it down. I'm only yelling to emphasize that this is way more important than biology-based way of dating or the reverse psychology rules-based way of dating because the reality is is most men are actually giving you love you may not be receiving it. Bum, bum, bum. What, Jonathan, we may not be receiving it? Yes, because if you're not familiar with the book The Five Love Languages, The Five Love Languages and I'm gonna share a story in a second. There are five primary love languages words of affirmation or words of affirmation I was gonna say adoration. I'm a Leo, we like to be adored. Words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, access service and gifts. And what oftentimes happens is men have a difficulty expressing themselves in relationships. So the words is oftentimes what you're not feeling when he's into you because he's most likely doing it in other ways. And I think of one of my dearest friends who is not the most expressive of men and he's the most loyal, kind, loving person. I mean, he's truly a mensch. He's truly a mensch. It's just not with words. And so we are so conditioned that words represents love when he does, I mean, he does access service like nobody's business. He does gifts like nobody's business. And I don't mean gifts like these fancy presents. I'm talking about his generosity in pampering his girlfriend. I mean, he's an incredibly generous person in pampering but not necessarily in gifts. It's physical touch. It might be quality time. It's not necessarily words, excuse me. So it's not men playing hard to get. It's just that we struggle expressing ourselves through words. This is why I encourage everyone to do a deep dive into loving themselves. That's why I wrote my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? To do a deep dive of loving oneself. So we don't necessarily need to hear the words to feel love. We can actually pay attention to the other signs when a person is giving us love. And if you need help learning how to express yourself, then I highly recommend getting, the title is wrong for this book. The title is called Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. It should have been titled Compassionate Communication. If you want your partner to express the words, then learn how to communicate in a way that actually draws out the words for him to express it to you. And this is a fantastic book to learn how to do that. And once you've learned how to do it, the person you're with is gonna be more demonstrative, more effusive, more intentional. And it requires leading by example. And I know ladies, you don't wanna feel like you're having to do all the work, but the reward at the other end is a guy who's loving on you because the reality is is most men want to feel deeply loved in the relationship. It's just, we don't really haven't learned how. In fact, what I learned about love came from a woman. In fact, the best relationship I ever had and we're not together, I get it. She was the one who introduced me. Well, actually she knows Barbara DeAngelis personally, but she introduced me to this book to help me learn how to love. And that's my invitation for you. Listen, it's not really about teaching him, it's about guiding him. And when you guide him down the path, you're gonna have him for a lifetime. So make the effort in yourself, invest in yourself. Be empowered, invest in learning these things and watch relationships blossom. And if you need some support on that, check out a link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Cause that's my area of expertise is guiding you on the path to show you the men who are ready for a deep dive of love versus those who are incapable of love. And yes, there are plenty of men like that out there too. All right, I think you get the gist of where I'm going. Please post a comment below, write a question. I do my best to read all of them and I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big, gigantic, Jonathan Bear hug of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone or a pet or a teddy bear. And there is a teddy bear. Give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now.