 From Hollywood, your Radio Theatre. For you, for all of you men and women in the armed forces of the United Nations, special service presents your Radio Theatre. And here is the director, Mr. Cecil Dean DeMille. We raise the curtain for drama, song and gaiety on the first act of my gal, Sal, starring Mary Martin as Sally and Dick Powell as Paul. In the gay nineties, all America, from Florida girl to barkie, was singing and dancing to the catchy melodies of a small town boy from Indiana. His name was Paul Dresser, and his career was as gay and extravagant as the period he set to music. Well, perhaps not always gay. But there was a time for example when he was picked up on the road just outside of Jonesville, Illinois, picked up unconscious, wearing a suit of tar and feathers. Oh, come on, Sonny, put your arm up here. Now, let's see if we can get the rest of that tar off. Well, who, uh, what is... This may sing a little, Sonny. Are you awake? Yes, yes, I'm awake, all right. Hey, how did I get here? What town is this? No town. We're five miles from Jonesville. See, you were run off on a rail or something. Remember? Oh, yeah. And we found you in a ditch. At first we thought you were a turkey. Did you find me? No, it was one of the Indians. Indian? In Illinois? That's right. His name is McGuire. An Indian name of... I guess I'm not awake yet. Oh, sure you are. We're Colonel Trotty's Ticapoo Indian extravagant. Oh, a medicine show. Ticapoo Indian remedy. Guaranteed to cure practically anything. May, how is he coming along? He'll be all right, Colonel. Well, well, let's see what emerged from under that tar. Welcome, my boy. I'm Colonel Trotty. Well, you're looking much improved. What do you use to take the tar off, May? Your cough medicine. You don't say. Perhaps we'd better sell it as a spot remover. Young man, what occasion did this tiff between you and the population of Yonder Jonesville? Well, I, uh, I was working for a man who was selling gold jewelry. I played the banjo to attract crowds. Well, you obviously attracted them, but your music must have been quite horrible. It wasn't my music. The gold jewelry turned out to be brass. Brass, eh? Sounds like you were working for Corbin. I was. Hmm. Well, any town that Corbin's worked is a desert for three months afterwards. I think we'll root our little extravaganza around Jonesville. Thanks for the tip, young man. Uh, by the way, I presume you're now footloose and fancy-free, eh? What? He leaves me what a job. Oh! Sure. Provided, of course, that you can play better than I think you can. You play the piano, too. Just you wait till you hear me, that's all. Ah, good. Well, spend a few days getting on your feet and we'll talk about it. May give him a pint or two of truckie elixir. Guaranteed to bring the flesh of health to cheeks pale and guan. I think some hot soup would be better. Miss Cullen, are you inferring to a stranger that our products have appeared? All I'm saying is he's got to be stronger than before he drinks any of your top. Miss Cullen, if nature had not endowed you so lushly with charms pleasing to male spectators, I would discharge you on the spot. Hey, Colonel Cullen, you want to taste this medicine now? We just made up a whole batch. Oh, let me see, McGuire. Yes, Jones says it's a best yet. Uh-huh. Oh! Who concocted this vile concoction? I did. Jones says you've abbreviated from the prescription, McGuire. Put in 20 pounds more sugar and that's a gallon or two of peppermint. Well, fix it. That's as, McGuire, the Colonel's making now. For rheumatism, we leave awful sugar. Count just scalp. I'm gonna blimp first. Here you have nature's own remedy of herbs and roots with which the American Indian has always endured the ills of his mother. You'd better get out there. I'm ready. Well, may I, how do I look? Another new soup? Yeah, how do you like it? Not bad, huh? But you bought three new suits last month. Oh, but those others were just things to wear this came from Chicago. I always wanted a tech suit. Hey, it's got a big city cut all right. Yeah, I just sent my measurements and the money that came back like this. From now on, those gents are my tailors. Mm-hmm. I like the vest, too. Yeah. Say, uh, you don't think it's too loud, do you? Green and red? Oh, no, it's fine. Well, I'd rather like it myself. Say, did you catch my act last night? I watched you every night. Well, don't miss me tonight. I'm going to try out a new specialty. You'll be great. I'm glad you came with us, Pa. I'll be glad. Well, thanks. You've been swell to me, May. I bet you know why, too, don't you? Sure. You like my act. I bet you know I'm almost done. Ready in wedding, McGuire? Ready in wedding. Say, May, may we get the carry straight tonight? Did you get a line or no two in the buggy? No, who are they? I don't know. Some girl in a fella. She's a looker all right. I bet she don't come from around these parts. Go on, Pa, quick! Yeah. Say, if this stunt goes over, I'm going to hit the colonel for a raise. And you've got a bad sense of getting it. Go on. Well, if I don't, I'll start my own show. All you need is an Indian and a couple of recipes. That's especially, May. Chief Bahá'u Ni Papá, thanks you for your kindness and attention. And now? Now while Chief Bahá'u Ni Papá and his brothers pass among you with a supply of this original Kikapu Indian remedy, you will be entertained by Mr. Paul Dressa, who has just closed the season of brilliant piano recitals in the great city of Chicago. Mr. Dressa, good evening, folks. Good evening. Greetings to you one and all. And our folks, rather than anything heavy, I thought I'd place something in a lighter vein. Tonight, a little composition of my own is yet untitled. With your kind attention. Come on, Sally, we'd better drive on. Not yet. I want to listen a minute, Fred. To Mr. Paul Dressa, the brilliant pianist from Chicago? I don't seem to remember Mr. Dressa building Chicago when we were there, do you? Well, we never played the stockyard. Oh, Fred, that's not funny. Come on, Sally, you've got an early rehearsal tomorrow. Just a minute. You know that's a catchy tune, Fred. Maybe we did miss him in Chicago. Not if he wore that, too. Just the same. We could use a tune like that in the show. Ladies and gentlemen, as an encore, I will present a stocking piano novel. Ladies and gentlemen, before your very eyes, you are going to see a feat which has never before been performed by musicians. At one and the same time, I'm going to play the same tune as the duet on two pianos. With your kind attention. To miss this for anything. It's also to laugh at him, Fred. How can you help it? They ought to move their children out of the first row. He's going to fly off of that speed. Oh, Fred, I shouldn't have done that. Let me through. Get out of the way, please. Oh, Fred, he's coming back. You better drive on. Don't be silly. Who started that laughing? Was it you? Yes, it was. I'm sorry. Really? I didn't mean to... If you don't like my acts, how about getting out of here? Just a minute. Hey, who do you think you are? Go on, get out of here. I told you I was sorry. I apologize. That doesn't fix anything. Well, I'm afraid there's nothing more I can do. I told you what you could do. Get out of here. Now listen, you. No, give me a long, Fred. I offered my apology, Mr. Dresser. If you haven't managed enough to accept this, then I'm sorry for you. Listen, you're the one who's in the wrong, not me. I was up there. As a matter of fact, I liked your act. It was a funny fact I ever saw. Funny? You think it was supposed to be? Well, wasn't it? Well, nobody else thought so. Nobody laughed when you started it. But there are two pianos in that suit. What could you expect? Well... What's wrong with the suit? Well, I suppose it's all right if you can stand the noise. Here, here. This is the sort of thing I don't permit, Dresser. Get back on the stage, where you belong. Now listen, these people... Come on, get back on the stage. Oh, come on, please. Now, if you folks will just move along, we'll get on with our show. I'm sorry. I guess I lost my temper, too. Will you do me a favor? Hmm? Will you give Mr. Dresser something for me? Fred, let me have two tickets for tomorrow night. I'd like him to be our guest. Oh, you folks in the profession, too. We're trying out Miss Elliot's new show at the Buffalo. There you are. He didn't get the tickets, will you? Certainly. And here. Here's one of our posters. You might put it up in some likely spot. Good night. Night, folks. Good night. Hmm. Buffalo Theater. Sally Elliot in Bells of Broadway. I'm the toast of the town in my Paris gown Because it's not even nice If I see rather gay little girls they say Or ladies you're good and fine I'm the type that goes fine, party And please you're done for, too I'm the toast of the town But I hope you settle down For someone maybe you If you're after love and laughter along with me Come along with me Come on, it's close, not it's close Assholes, bells and bells It was my first time. Huh? May I've got to get out of here? What for? Oh, I can't spend my whole life in a medicine show. I thought it was great stuff until tonight Sitting up there on that red wagon playing a piano It was wonderful. And then tonight we saw a real show All of a sudden it hit me how cheap it is It's like the suit I'm wearing Yesterday I thought that was wonderful, too But it is one Oh no it isn't, it's a hick suit It's loud and cheap, just like the show I've got a lot to learn, May And I'll never learn it in these tank towns I'm going to New York I'll go with you, Paul No, I'd better go by myself Paul, you can't just walk out on me You've been awfully good to me, May You got me a job when I needed it You helped me grow up But I gotta go on alone now I know what it is It's that girl No it isn't But nobody's going to laugh at me Not her or anybody Someday I'll write a song And she'll come begging to sing it Then I'll do a little laughing myself Tell me where Broadway is Broadway in what, Mr? I don't know Did you have to tell me? Go over that way Thanks Hey, wait Sit to you Go on, whistle it again Look, I sell newspapers I'm a business man I ain't got time to entertain farmers Go on, whistle now Here I'll give you a dime All right So now I'm a professional Go on, whistle it That's my song Where did you hear it? How should I know? That's the guy's a whistler What a hard candy I wrote it, it's mine Hooray Why don't you get down to Tin Pan Alley And get paid Where is Tin Pan Alley? 28 feet Tell him I sent you My name's Pete Holbert Look, I didn't publish the song I only wish I did I don't own the rights I've got the rights I wrote it Somebody stole it from me I know every time there's a hit There's a hit tune Fifty guys claim they wrote it This song was written by Sally Elliott It's the best tune in her new show Sally Elliott Well, that proves that she heard me play it Well, you get out of here Or what I call a cop Sally Elliott doesn't go round Stealing songs She could be a star for that Oh, she is, isn't she? Well, here, take a look at this Can you read music? Can I read music? Well, can you? No Well, get somebody who can This is the song the way I wrote it The same as they're doing it now Sally Elliott heard me play it When she was in Buffalo With a show What to think about it That tune wasn't in the original score They added it when they brought Joe into New York Say, maybe you've got something Hey, Harry, come in here, Harry Yeah, I was Harry, what would you say If I said to you that Sally Elliott Didn't write, come tell me And that this guy did I'd say we'd all better go out And get drunk After we sign him up Hey, where's Miss Elliott's dressing room? Third door Thanks Now, just a minute I want to make one thing clear The music is mine Right those words they're using Now, look, don't start the weekend You're going to tell her it's yours Just like you said Sure I am That's the boy Come in Hey, Miss Elliott My name's Holly Holly and Colin's music puppets How do you do? Now, this is Paul Of course This is Mr. Dresser, isn't it? Yes, Mr. Dresser Well, I'm certainly glad to see you Yes, I'll bet you are People are usually glad to see The people that steal songs from No, no, no, no I didn't steal your song, Mr. Dresser Well, it didn't give it to you, did I? Now, let me handle this The whole thing will be worked out I doubt that very much Get out, please Oh, no This is my dressing room Get out Keep calm, Miss Elliott You expect me to be calm When he walks in here and calls me a thief? I did not call you a thief But you are Get out Get out Now, wait, wait Let's all talk this thing over like Kevill I've had all of this, gentlemen That I can stand What's the matter in here? Fred Will you tell this carnival tout That I didn't steal his song? Now, look here, Havlin If she's gonna take that attitude, we'll sue her I don't think that'll be necessary Mr. Dresser You and Miss Elliott have a great talent For irritating each other Suppose you approach her now Without breathing fire If you just quit stealing my songs I won't approach her at all That's where you're wrong The song isn't stolen We admit it's yours You admit it's yours? Yes, we admit You've never published the song We've been looking all over for you Trying to get your permission Right now, we don't want it Oh, yes, we do, dear Well, you'd have to talk to me about that, Havlin I have exclusive rights to Mr. Dresser's work But not to Miss Elliott She wrote the words She can have her words back I'm gonna write my own words Oh, you are Ha What do you mean, ha? Ha You have a few minutes, Miss Elliott Fred, the song is out of the show As of tonight No, Sally It's out Wait, wait, the song is a good song It's a hit It's going over because of the music Well, it is Sure, the music is great But you're unknown And it means a lot to an unknown To have a big style like Sally Elliott introduced the song Later on, you can do things the way you want, right? Well, I guess so, yeah Once I get started, I won't need her or anybody Fred, listen All settled, Sally You own the words, Dresser owns the music Is that the idea, Mr. Holley? It's a deal Good Sally, meet your new partner, Paul Dresser Mr. Holley, John John, Mr. Holley My partner All right Tell him to go back home, Fred He'll send his royalties to the kicker-poo Indian show Do not think it's just a bit of fancy Do you know If mankind is sickle Still I love you Come tell me what's your answer Or no By the stars that brightly shine tonight No By yachts and rooms it sheds It's another life No In sunshine rain Oh, winter's ice Keep lost more I'm ending my default Into the lost more What more can I say Like hell to you, my tale of God Mission time now Let's listen to the sensational trumpet of Harry James Good to go tonight, I became your producer Everyone's a darling Shall I cut the cake? Well, wait if you can We're not all here yet Who else is coming? Sally, hold on to your temper I invited Paul Dresser How nice Now, after all, the two of you wrote The biggest hit in New York No reason why you should go around Glaring at each other Oh, I have no objection Just that I despise him Sally, we need good music And he can write it Of course he may not have time To drop in on us I hear he's personally Closing every bar and cabaret In New York Yes, the heat of the limelight Has made him a little thirsty But he's young and still growing Yes, his head, especially Sally, the way I feel tonight I can forgive anybody anything Oh, friends By the way, that candle Isn't just to celebrate our first year together It's a sort of a pale imitation Of the bonfire in my heart Now, that's the second pretty speech From you in one minute Wait until you hear the third If you give the right answer It'll call for a much bigger cake Well, you know how much I like cakes Hello, everybody Mr. Dresser has arrived I suppose we can begin now How are you, Fred? Sorry to be late I was playing the piano with Tony Paster They wouldn't let me break away It's all right Hello, Miss Elliot Say, I'd like you folks to be A good friend of mine Miss Elliot, this is Mr. Sullivan John L. Sullivan Hello, John Hello, Sally, my love Oh, you know each other? Very well The only time I was ever Knocked out of my life Was the first time I heard Sally sing Well, follow me, Buck Oh, let's get down Get to drinking Sure, John, sure Fred, it was nice of you To ask me here tonight Say, what's the cake for? Somebody's birthday? Oh, I guess start With only one candle Oh, I get it Say, this is nice What is nice? Hey, John L. Look at that cake That's celebrating my first song yet Come, tell me That's a great song World's champion songwriter This boy World's champion Oh, he's a great booster of mine, old John L. He thinks I'm pretty good Well, so do you, don't you? What? After all, you're a big success, aren't you? Why, you've taken New York by storm Oh, New York isn't so difficult For a fellow who can play the piano And doesn't mind buying a few drinks And just think You've done it all on one song No telling where you'll go As you ever write another song Story written I wrote it the other night And I borrowed it on the front seat I'll play it for you Where you going, bucko? I'll play you a new song You are Quiet everybody, no talking Dress is written another hit You're gonna play it for us Quiet there Quiet! Oh, Miss Elliot, I, uh... I wrote the words to this one myself Got a copy here And look up over and sing along with me, will you? Thank you Not at all That's my dream That you would be Far away from me Oh, and I hear your music In that case, we can talk it over on the way home No, I came here with Fred I'll be going home with him, too You're ready, just let me know See the inside If you're referring to the inside of my suite I'll give a party sometime and have you over Oh, I'm sorry Good night Not yet, driver You take a lot of liberties, Mr. Dresser I know it, I'm gonna One too many, I warn you We'll cancel all the others Okay, like us Oh, anyone as successful as Paul is bound to be lionized And Paul likes fun What about you, Sally? Don't you like fun? You know, it's a queer thing about geniuses You always hear of them burning their genius away on an attic But you see them burning in the brightest places in town Paul's been working very hard Why, he has a wonderful new melody And he's writing the words It's an idea about his home On the banks of the war bags A farm song Who cares about farms? Who ever heard of the war bags? If the tune's any good, we could change it to the Hudson Hi, I'm Carlos Well, the guest of honor is here And I think we're going to need some more chairs Sorry to be late, Sal Oh, Mariana, I'd like you to know Miss Elliot Sally, this is the Countess Rossini Oh, how do you do, Miss Elliot? I've enjoyed your performance of very much Yes I've heard a great deal about you as well, Captain I'm not quite sure what you mean I am not a professional Oh, aren't you? Well, now look, suppose we just get a couple chairs here We'll move the cake to a bigger table No, Father, I was just leaving No, Sally, don't I know you've been waiting, and I thought... You've had your last cake for me The next one you'll get in the face No, sir And after the camel, you can burn them at your wake Good night Someone with a figure like yours, Mr. Drifter Looks rather good, I think Yes Come in Hello Well, Sally, this is a surprise Are you busy? No, no, just trying on a few new suits I throw away everything I had and turn Janton to your loo Are those the new ones over there? That's right Well, I suppose you do get a better price than you ordered them by the dust I believe that takes care of everything, Mr. Drifter I'll take the other one to the shop and get it back here in plenty of time for you to pack Thanks, Janton I hope you have a very pleasant voyage, Mr. Drifter Goodbye, madam I didn't know you were going away Well, I had told you within speaking How long will you be gone? Just a little while I thought I'd run out of Cuba That would be nice What about the song, Paul? The war-based song We were going to put it in the show, remember? Oh, Sally, I can't work around here anymore I need a change On the boat, there won't be anything to do and we'll have plenty of time just to work Oh, look, Sal, will you excuse me while I jump in the tower? Well, I think I'd better run long I don't go, I won't be able to make it See who that is, will you, Sal? Who is it? Well, the Mr. Drifter May I see him, please? He's busy right now Oh, but I have a message for him From the contest for a scene Oh, I'll give it to him Or no, I'll address It is confidential Well, I'm his confidential secretary He keeps nothing from me Well, the message would be The contest will meet Mr. Drifter on the boat Not at all Oh, she will, won't she? Yes You will be sure you will not forget Never Not if I live to be 90 Go to Cuba, will you? Go to Cuba with the countess in 12 suits Where the scissors I'll fix his 12 new suits I'll fix them, Warren If he wears these pants on the boat, they'll arrest him 11 new suits 1 new suit I'll show her Where is she? Well, Mr. Drifter, she's done gone out Good, why don't she keep her clothes? Why, Mr. Drifter? In here, huh? Good, I'll show her Mr. Drifter, what you doing? I'll show her She can't cut my pants off of these Why, Mr. Drifter? You have no right to hold me Violet! I didn't do any more to hurt her than she did to me Did you hear me? What's this, Miss Elliot? Your Honor, do you think I'd go into a man's apartment and cut his clothes to pieces? Why, of course I don't, Miss Elliot So much Let's have it quiet! Miss Elliot, I'm going to find him guilty of willful destruction of property What do you think the sentence ought to be? Well, I don't think he should be hanged I'll hang him if you say the word Well? I just can't think of anything now Should I let you know later? Of course, of course I'll hold him till you make up your mind I suppose it's useless to remind you that I have certain rights Young man, that attitude will get you nowhere First thing you ought to do is apologize All right, I will Miss Elliot Dear Miss Elliot My boat is almost ready to sail Will it do any good to say that I hate myself? Yes Just for that, I'll knock one day off of your sentence No Get him six weeks, Debbie Oh And that was the act, too, curtain of your radio theater We'll get on with the third act in just a moment Right now, Harry James and his music makers take over and with lovely Helen Forrest vocalizing they're all set to go Here they are Can you give women when they have a guilty conscience? What have you been up to now? Well, the countess out front tonight Go all over with the countess then What are you trying for? A duchess? There won't be any more countesses or duchesses or even queens I'd like to believe that I wish I could Marry you? Well When the show closes? No, Saturday night Then we'll have all day Sunday for a honeymoon Oh, so what more could a girl ask? Couldn't mean that Count Prostini demands satisfaction I guess you do mean that Now listen, if the countess is worried about the countess you can tell him to quit worrying My friendship with her is a thing of the past The countess intends to make sense of satisfaction But those are nothing to fight about They're waiting for you now Will you come with us or shall I inform them I'm trying to inform the count anything I'll inform her myself He turned down an invitation of mine What the countess? Sorry, told her Trying to cure his gout Give my deception this year He should be married I could give back your neck Charlie, wait a minute It won't take that long I can tell you what I think of you in ten seconds Said you were doing Saturday Funny, I Last week in San Francisco Why is to yourself, Paul You need Sally Evans When the time you wrote your first song The boat you leave my personal life to me I would if it wasn't interfering with my business You were a valuable property once But you haven't been worth a hoot since she left No, listen, it's been working, Pat It's been working hard Look, you see this stuff I've got ten songs, Joe Have it up for a whole show You mean a show with ten flops in it What's this one over here? No, not that one What is it? Oh, forget that one Wait a minute I thought I liked this title, Paul My Gal Sal I said to forget that one It's no good Hey, my Hastings wrote them Now, look Oh, Pat, I don't feel like hearing songs tonight And neither do I It's strictly business Here, look them over Pat, Sally isn't interested right now My Gal Sal How's that for a title? Pretty good, huh? My Gal Sal It's great for your Sally Your words stick you like a glove You've just got to hear this one You're pretty anxious You must have written it yourself Me? I hate music, yes But I got it hot from the composer's quill Who did write it? Oh, a Southern composer From the South A fellow named Fletcher I thought you said Hastings Yeah, sure Fletcher Hastings They're Hastings Fletcher Something like that He's a friend of Harry Fred, listen They call his frivolous style A peculiar sort of a gal So the hearts that was mellow And all-round good fellow Was my Gal Sal You see? You see what I mean? Fred, this might be something for the show at that Sure Sure, it's great, Sal Think of it My Gal Sal Stung by Sally again So you wrote it I've known that I wouldn't have sung a note of it It would have stuck in my tongue Why? Why did you beg for the number if you didn't want it? They told me some long story About somebody writing it In the middle of a carpent field You get out of here And take that cake with you Oh, the cake Oh, that's for you I brought it all the way to New York Get out or I'll break this cake Right over your head You just try it Cake in my face There's only one language You understand and I speak it