 So today we're going to talk about being used in a relationship and quite frankly I Believe that besides infidelity being used by someone is probably the cruelest thing you can do to a person Now I think when we when we think of being used We do tend to think of it from a malicious point of view in other words It's intentional. It's intentional hurt someone. It's intentional to take advantage of them And while there are certainly many cases that does occur I also believe a lot of human beings struggle knowing themselves and then they eventually use people Because they're rather myopic and what I mean by myopic is these are individuals who are self-centric They don't focus on Knowing the true value of trust and trust coming back to what I said before about infidelity trust isn't just about Infidelity or being faithful trust is about does this person have my best interest at heart? Does this person have my best interest of heart and so When a person is Using someone taking advantage them using them for their own benefit in many cases It's in this self-centric as I said myopic place and they're not actually thinking about what their actions could Affect another human being and I think this is a very common occurrence. In fact, most of you know who follow my work I talk about The men who are the users the spenders and the growers the men who are the users spenders and growers In fact, I've got a chart here. Please forgive the glare. Okay, but please forgive the glare You can see that user spenders and growers and the percentage are 20 percent are users 60 percent are spenders and 20 percent are growers and builders. So I just want you to see the chart Okay users, those are the people. They're the love bombers. They're the narcissists. They're the players They take truly take advantage of another person. This includes women as well the gold diggers the entitled type of person They're using other people for their own gain The growers and the builders are the people who are genuinely want to invest in a relationship They genuinely want to build a life with another human being. They genuinely want to commit to another person Let me say that one more time. I think it's really important. They genuinely want to commit They genuinely want commitment in their life and the spenders the reason why I call them spenders is they are spending time with you They want companionship. They want connection. They want sex but they're not capable of either leaning into commitment or They don't want commitment with you. Let me say it again. They don't want commitment with you Now is could it be because they're just not that in you that's a possibility There's a wide wide variety of reasons why they don't want to commit to you But the spenders are the people that in the in the surface look like they are potential But once you see the signs which I'm about to share with you It's going to get rather clear that they're not really those type of men who are growers and builders Okay, what was it again? I want to really emphasize this and when I say it's about 20% are growers and builders I could be generous with that that might be a might be too high of a percentage. You might be lower And please forgive me. I have to see I Had to go to the doctors today They had to do a radiology test for me and they gave me something so it's still probably in my throat Anyways coming back to those growers and builders growers and builders want full commitment But it might be a small percentage of men This is why ladies if you're actively in the dating marketplace if you're actively seeking a Lifemate that it requires to get crystal clear on who you are Who is really compatible with you and learn how to vet for both? Are they compatible with you and more importantly? Are they emotionally mature enough? And I just got a call from a potential client who's in a dynamic She shared with me the particulars and literally he's you know while she's dating him She's you know, she's asking me questions about him But she's checking off all the boxes of why she shouldn't pursue him and I don't mean she's checking those boxes I'm checking those boxes off for her. So if you need some support with that, please There's a link right here to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you There's actually a link below the schedule a discovery call because my job again It's free to you know schedule this call My job is to help you determine who is the user who is the spender and who is the grower and builders Who are those men that really have the capacity to go the distance? Okay. So now with that said I Think it really sucks investing time in a person only to find out that they're not capable of true commitment And we've got to be you know ladies. I want to be I'm gonna be sincere here We don't the date for those of us in midlife And I always say midlife is after baby making years and before retirement I'm talking about women the baby making years But for the most part midlife is for those of us 42 to 69 give or take Okay, and for some of us who are in the over 50 category the days in front of us are actually shorter than the days behind us So we don't have time to mess around Trying to figure out if this person is truly commitment ready is this person really want a Deep commitment with another human being now a lot of guys and this is where women you you sometimes Men will be point-blank and say They don't want a relationship, but you believe you're going to be the person who changes them Let me be clear when a man starts the conversation I'm not ready for a serious relationship. Then your response should be thank you next Okay to quote from Ariana Grande. All right So let's dive into those seven things that some men say or do to demonstrate that they're probably not Most likely going to use you in some capacity and then also we're going to dig deeper into each layer And I invite you to ask questions So if you're brand new to my youtube channel you like the content right now, please hit that like button Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel as well. Okay, and you can post a comment there as well So let's dive into those seven things now number one is the most obvious of all Number one is the most obvious of all Your time with him is mostly based on sex You know It's fascinating to me how many men will basically arrange Dates or time together, you know after work late after work And late on a Friday or Saturday night without any real intention of investing in something deeper So just recognize be mindful You know and by the way that for ladies for those men that you're just beginning the date You haven't began a sexual relationship with them pay attention Does he lead with sex? Okay, does he lead with sex does he does he over emphasize how great the sex will be and the sexual Attraction for one another those men that over emphasize sex now by the way I am completely guilty of being on a first date with a woman and throwing out sexual in you endows Okay, it is not uncommon for a man to do that. Okay, we're just testing the waters We're testing where you stand in this but there's a big difference between a little, you know Throwing out a little bit of bait versus, you know Throwing out, you know a string of bait thinking that you're gonna jump on it Okay, so just recognize the difference between just a casual in you window or it's really an Incessant desire to either lead with sex or he only sees you for sex. Okay, and I think most of you are pretty Pretty savvy at this and yet I can tell you something. I think a lot of women don't realize that the early stage of dating is The typically the romance period where we hook you and then once you're hooked There's not really much meat in the relationship because you haven't established Where's this relationship going in the early stage of dating? Okay, so number two He doesn't open up to you. He doesn't open up to you He avoids personal questions. He might even avoid talking on the phone now I know a lot of men will say they're not phone talkers, but And that's certainly true for some men But there are a lot of men that want to avoid any real communication with you and more importantly, they avoid opening up a True emotional grown-up a true grower and builder. He has the capacity to be vulnerable Authentic and transparent now. He might not vomit his emotions, but he certainly on He's unafraid to not just be vulnerable with you but more importantly being transparent Especially if it's material to the relationship So be careful of the men who avoid Personal questions, especially about their past, you know, I think listen I know a lot of dating coaches will tell you don't ask about past relationships But I'm here to say for those of us. It's a different ballgame for those of us in mid-light our past Relationships give us a window into how this person might operate in future relationships So recognize that by avoiding talking about past relationships that could be a sign that he might be Simply using you remember I said companionship connection and sex without any real commitment if he's not able to go deeper I'm and certainly being transparent if it's material to the relationship Okay, number three He doesn't ask you he doesn't ask much about you After the hunt phase after the hunt phase look at ladies You all know that men are hunters and they you know They're provider protectors and their hunters and they love the chase. Okay. Well, you guys have heard that rhetoric This is why you're just supposed to sit back in your feminine energy and let them do the hunting because you can just receive receive Receive well, I'm here to say is once a man has captured you You know, the real question is I mean there's this expectation. He's always supposed to be romancing you He's always supposed to be hunting you but what you might want to pay attention is are your Conversations which these days most people are just having conversations on text messaging and let me just say this text messaging Folks if you're not aware of this 80 to 90 percent of all communication is nonverbal Texting is the weakest form of communication So if a man is communicating with you and isn't really diving deep In getting to know you if the conversations is how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day in my sweetheart Marie. There she is right there She she prior to meeting me. She said she was in a brief relationship with a man that that was like the highlight of the Conversation is how's your day going? Okay, so just remember if is he asking questions about your past? Is he asking questions about you know your life right now today? Does he really does he ask questions about if you have children and maybe have grown children? You have grandchildren and are you talking about those things or is the conversation very surface or worse a Guy who's using you the conversations are all about him. Okay? Number four He doesn't protect you Now what I really mean is we know we've heard I said this a moment ago men are provider protectors The reality is is these days? I mean to some degree women can take care of themselves You know, certainly if nobody wants to walk down a dark alley by themselves I know I don't want to walk down the dark alley by myself But I think the term protector today is not necessarily the physical protection But more importantly the emotional protection See a man who's a grower builder He's not going to invest much time in a woman who isn't going to be someone he sees He sees a future with he might you know temporarily date someone you feel each other out the first six weeks or so but for the most part a man knows rather quickly if he sees a future with you and The a grower and builder is looking out for your best interest Okay, a man who's a spender or user we talk about the men who are users They aren't looking out for your best interest. They're not protecting your best interest. They only care about their own best interest Number five You've never met his family and friends Now there's going to be some cases where you don't actually meet someone's family for maybe logistics reasons Maybe his parents have passed away Maybe his children live in other areas. Okay, that's the family piece But it's really a question mark if someone doesn't have a couple good friends in their life people that they Physically, you know interact with on a regular basis at some point Meeting front family and friends is a critical part of the mating dance of the courtship dance, if you will Okay, now some men will immediately introduce you to their family and friends Okay, so this alone isn't a side, but let me just say this If you have been Regularly dating you've been with each other for a while and he's not making much effort to introduce you to family or friends Then it could be a sign that he's just using in other words He's the spender that person that just wants companionship connection and sex without any real desire for commitment Number six, he doesn't go out of his way for you. He doesn't go out of his way for you Some of you might have heard last night in my broadcast when my sweetheart there She is right there Marine and I joined together. She has some shoulder problems and she's gonna need some shoulder surgery And today she needed a favor from me and I went down to the store to get her something When a man is not, you know, when a man genuinely cares and it wants commitment He's gonna go out of his way for you, but a man, you know You know, let's just say you have a family member is sick and you're in relationship with someone and this is an important family member for you You know Well, we all can have busy lives a man who genuinely wants to build a life with you is going to do his best to go out of his way to support you and a man who doesn't go out of his way Could simply be a spender again a spender is that person that just wants companionship connection and sex without any real level of growth or commitment and Number seven number seven He puts off being exclusive and he avoids conversations about the future He puts off being exclusive and he avoids conversation about the future folks I'm a big proponent right now Maybe I'm a little bit biased because in my relationship with my sweetheart. We progress this relationship very quickly Okay, we we dove right in after our we had our first two dates when I was in Chicago And she came out to Los Angeles and spent four days with me and we agreed if this is going to work That's something that we're gonna have to take this distance and shrink it and over the next few months We came to the conclusion. We'd move in together. Okay. We were very intentional in our conversations Okay, so we had the companionship. We had the connection. We had the sex Okay, and so what for us to make this relationship work We had to be committed to one another which include in our particular case moving in together Now I'm not suggesting someone you meet tomorrow and three or four months later in our case was five months You move in together But I'm here to say it's time to like lay your cards on listen if a man wants to have sex with you if He wants to be physical with you then you have every right to Establish you want monogamy you want exclusivity Okay, now that's a form of commitment monogamy and exclusivity But I want to take it a step further is having deeper conversations about commitment Folks if you follow my channel, you know, I always say this ask a man What does commitment mean to you but more importantly? What does commitment look like for you in my particular case? You guys know my rhetoric I said at a minimum It was we'd spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends Traveling together teamwork teamwork building skills both in our personal our professional life Intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together getting married That was the standard So I invite you to get clear on what your standard is now some of you don't want to get married I get that and some of you don't want to live with the person, but let's think about this You know today. I was watching a video from a financial planner about Social security, okay, and you know when when's the best time to take some social security at age 62 or at age 70 and and I said earlier today. I was in the hospital getting some Some radio. I was getting some x-rays Looks like I was just having a little hard time swallowing Everything seems to be fine, but I'm there in the hospital and You know, it's an elderly group of people. I've gone to the doctor recently, you know We get to a point in our lives after 50 55 60 where going to the doctor is becoming a regular thing Okay, why am I bringing this up? Because having a partner to be there for you as we get into that not quite senior citizen I'm not there yet, or at least I don't want to consider myself there But as you're moving towards that cat that place in your life Wouldn't it be better to have a partner in your life a real partner? You know my my mother-in-law my ex-mother-in-law she got divorced. I believe at age 58 59 She met a widower He was a couple years older And um, they got married within eight months and they they were together for about 25 plus years until he just passed away You know Being 60 is not a death sentence It's still plenty of time to actually have a full rich life and it turns out she was married to him He was a widower Longer than he was married to his first wife that he had his children with or it was like equals or about the About some about similar amount of years 25 26 27 years each So we're still at the stage where we can have a full life with someone else I was only married. I knew my wife for a total of three or 15 years before we separated married 12 and a half So there's still a full rich life for us with somebody else Don't waste it on people who are unclear if they want commitment So be more diligent at determining who are those men who are the users And who are the spenders because a lot of times men are wasting your time They're they're not intentionally using you but because they're self centered They by default are using you and I don't want you to get trapped in that That space Okay, those are the seven. I'll just repeat them seven Ways or things that men say or do that demonstrate. They're using you your time together is mostly sex That's rather obvious. He doesn't open up to you. He avoids personal questions. He doesn't ask about your life He doesn't protect you from an emotional standpoint He you never meet his family and friends He doesn't go out of his way for you like if you're sick or something like that And lastly he puts off being exclusive and avoids the conversation about the future All right, did you find value in that? Please let me know. Please hit that like button Please share this video. Please post a comment and uh, please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new All right, if you're familiar with my format, this is the time where I take questions Okay, so there's a little chat box in the live chat box There's a little um, and if you have a question write the word question Then post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker super chat with a little dollar sign All the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor as like that's a picture of him right there It's my son who passed away. Oh god. It's coming up on five years Uh, and in his honor, I started a scholarship fund to donate to causes like the Hoffman process and insight institute last year I think we donated close to $3,000. So thank you so much. And if you're watching the replay, please hit that super. Thanks All right, let's scroll here I saw a question earlier. So bear with me Uh Oh, okay. So gail writes question I have a very important question. I've been talking and texting with a guy I met on a dating site He's still working and lives about four hours away. We've yet to meet. It's been nine nine weeks um I think there's a follow-up here There was a couple instances that I talked to him and he was very sick I could hear it in his voice and plus his company makes them work a lot of weekends Though it's hard for us both to meet. Okay, there isn't a question there, but i'm going to do something from this folks listen It's not a real relationship until you meet and it's not a real relationship until you've had at least 40 hours of face-to-face time because it takes about that much face-to-face time just to get to know someone at stage one It takes about a hundred hours of face-to-face time to build the first layer of trust and it takes about 200 hours of face-to-face time to actually Consider someone a good friend. Okay, so right now the tricky part is you're four hours away Then I what I would be doing if you've established some rapport with this person Talk about the future instead of talking about the past and the present Have some real serious conversations about the future the tricky part is this And I've done the long-distance thing Prior to meeting Marie I did the whole talking talking talking met someone had sex on the first date and never saw them again I was you know, not intentionally being malicious at just A lot of times you connect on a physical level, but it wasn't really all there for the For something deeper. Okay, so with that said the sooner you two can meet the better Okay, I wouldn't be careful dragging this out. That's my you didn't ask the question, but that's my inclination on that All right. I saw another question here earlier bear with me Okay from remix film art question He does not reach out but says I'm his significant other He has dreams of becoming a mogul after quitting his job. I'm a placeholder for him until he gets Uh, am am I a placeholder for him until he gets his life together? While it's hard to know that for sure He doesn't reach out that says I'm his significant other He has dreams of becoming a mogul. So it sounds like his libido is in his professional life so again folks these days to build a traditional Juicy delicious healthy happy relationship I'm saying traditional because today we have cyber relationships. We have situation ships. We have casual relationships We have friends with benefits The list goes on and on if you want a traditional juicy delicious health healthy happy relationship you My invitation for you is you invest somewhere between two three four days and nights a week together doing shared activities and hobbies Mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in your personal and your professional life Intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving into getting or getting married That's the standard that I invite you all to have okay So have those conversations sooner rather than later. That's my invitation for you. All right. Let's keep swimming Bump bump bump bump bump. If you have a question. All right, here we go from pam question Online a guy initiated chat. I responded he replied a week later gave him a chance and responded Again, no reply for five days. Then he asked to meet me odd your thoughts You know, that's a great question. I think with the online dating world You have to recognize that the average person is probably communicating with multiple people at the same time So a couple factors to consider how close do you live with one another? How busy does this person's life? You know, whether it's his work children other obligations. You have to take all this into consideration. Look Marie and I spoke we talked for one year before we actually met now It was long distance during the course of that year. We probably own I'm guessing somewhere between seven and ten telephone calls Some text messages and certainly some conversations Uh on on facebook because we kept in touch through facebook And when I say kept in touch, we were mutual friends on facebook So in this particular case you have to establish meeting get the meeting out of the way And if there is a spark there then the goal would be to have regular contact with one another To get the ball rolling to get this relationship off the ground because this piecemeal way people are dating Isn't really working for the long run at least for the traditional relationships that I talk about. So pam Thank you so much for that question Ah Christine says great value. What happened to your son? Well, first off. Thank you, Christina My son had an accident and he passed away. So thank you so much Oh, and I appreciate the five dollar super sticker. Thank you so much All right, let's get uh gion g Leon question I'm a caregiver for a dementia client who is 25 years older than me He has fallen in love and I'm very fond of him. Unfortunately. Unfortunately. He has dementia. What should I do? Well, again, you have to I mean my my vantage point is I'm You know, I'm I'm your fond of him. I get that and you're his uh caretaker caregiver So probably what he's experience is what's known as transference. I know My father who's 97 years old feels a sense of care For the caretakers that take care of him and at his assisted living facility So um and even if they claim it's love the real question you have to ask yourself What type of life do you want for yourself? Do you want a relationship where you're traveling together where you're helping each other out, you know If this person needs a caretaker Then you basically if you're going to choose this relationship Then you're doing so choosing knowing that you are his nurse And probably not a real life partner. That's just a rough sketch out of what I think of that So, um, you probably know that answer better than I so Sending you a lot of love on that one. I I feel for him as well as you so thank you Rita asked question Do men knowingly talk about sex or a lot or they oblivious? Do you think app dating apps make this more common? That's a great question, you know I talk about sex a lot or at least I um When I say I talk about a lot, you know when it's time to initiate i'm talking about a lot I think in the getting to know you phase someone who talks a lot about sex is trying to feel you out as to where your Sexual appetite might lean in with his and just remember when we're on the hunt when we're on the chase What are we chasing? Are we men chasing? I want to be in a relationship. I want to be in a relationship You know, I love all the female dating coaches that talk about how men love the hunt Do you really think men are hunting relationships? Let me give it to you straight ladies Men are hunting sex in the hunt phase So of course, we're going to do that. Um, let me read the balance of your question again. Um Do men knowingly are they oblivious do you now? I do want to add a caveat here I think what's bastardizing Besides the dating and swipe apps the ease of swiping the ease of easy sex Okay sex today is so much easier than it ever was before for us men I mean we had to jump through a lot more hoops in the past But I also think what's bastardizing? Relationships today is pornography I think the ease of a variety of different pornography Allows a lot of men to be addicted to porn To masturbation as a way to feel connected and a lot of men don't even know how to be Physically when I say don't know how but they've lost their edge on being physically intimate with a woman So I think pornography as well as swipe apps have really bastardized the whole traditional relationship Landscape if you will so Rita, thank you so much for that question All right, Sandra writes Question I met a man who lives two hours away went on a date and said he could see himself In a long-term relationship with me before he left. He said he was going to be busy from the next week Is he really interested? You know I think um, he's probably while he was with you. He was overly excited and now That you're not in his presence. He wanted to create his escape clause. That's now that's not an absolute But there's a possibility that that's what he's doing. Is he really interested? Look When Marie and I met an actress and I kind of blew her off after the first meeting But then I immediately jumped back on the on on board and and pushed for her to join me at the wedding After we had our second date if you will I was like I was smitten by her I was like practically begging for her to come on the plane with me I wanted to put her on the suitcase with me So and then from the time we I flew home Till the time she visited two and a half weeks later. We were in constant contact And we made a plan. In fact, I think she bought airline tickets Literally within days after she bought airline tickets to come to los angeles days after are the time I came home So, um, if a man is smitten, he's going to make a lot of effort to see you unless look at if he's traveling for six weeks But you know, I find it strange for the next six weeks. He's you know, I'm really busy Nobody's that busy. Okay Unless you're you're a doctor doing a humanitarian thing in guatemala or something. So I'm not buying that one. Okay. So thank you for that question By the way, I do want to thank those $10 superstickers. I'll answer Marissa. I'll answer your question in just a moment Oh first, you'll I donated to the connor as a scholarship fund. Thank you so much. I appreciate that Folks hit that The little dollar sign if you want to purchase the superstickers super chat to donate to the scholarship fund I also want to respond to Marissa jane's question Thank you again for your $10 supersticker. I really appreciate a question I've been dating a guy for five months. How many of these seven signs you just How many of these seven signs you discuss should cause concern? Some of them are issues and others are not um You know, I'm going to put the balance somewhere around three or four if you're noticing look at folks I want you to really check in with yourself If something doesn't feel right It probably is now I want to first establish when you're really tapping into your intuition. It should come from a calm place If you're feeling agitated if you're feeling fear Then it could be a confused signal. Okay, but if you're calm and you go Now something doesn't feel right in this dynamic something doesn't feel right with this relationship Ask yourself. Is this a pattern from your past relationships? Or is this is it fear or is it a pattern? Do you have a pattern of dating the same type of person over and over again expecting different results? But ultimately if something feels off then you have to honor your Intuition now if you need help with that schedule this schedule a call with me That's my area of expertise is also Evaluating men based on a series of questions. I ask you I can give you a better understanding But yes, if you're seeing some of these seven things then it should be If your radar is up, I would say Don't give your heart to someone until real trust and commitment has been established So rissa, thank you so much for the super sticker for the ten dollars for the connor asley scholarship fund and great question All right, let's come back here um Result revolve writes question How long should a 44 year old woman spend getting to know a 29 year old man before she makes a decision on whether or not There's a viable relationship or whether it's time to move on You know Again, it takes about 40 hours of face to face time just to start to get to know someone It takes about 100 hours of face to face time to build trust and I don't mean spending You know a weekend with them 72 hours, you know bedtime doesn't count. It's that face to face time So that's about the amount of time and it takes about 200 hours And this is according to j shetty who wrote the book eight rules for love or I can't remember his new book Um But yeah, it takes about 200 hours to really build a good friendship with someone so hopefully those guidelines will help you All right. Thank you so much for your question. I really appreciate it Uh, let's keep going marissa jane. Oh, you've already asked that question Uh Let's see. Oh, uh, uh, elvin seeing a man four years now Always been hot and cold always sees me on his time says he adores and misses me when we're not together told me He is a player not sure what to do no text for four days Uh, just like in the movie forest gump run forest run. He is telegraph I mean his behavior hot and cold always sees me at his time says he adores me and misses me a lot when you're not together Uh, told me he's he told me he's a player Ladies that's a someone said if I told a woman i'm a player and i'm going to use you Then everything that happens after that is on you. It's on you It's not on him if a man says i'm a player that's telling you i'm going to use you everything after that is on you So it's up to you. Evelyn what you want to do. So thank you for posting that D m r writes question. What about casual friends? Will it lead to a date? We hug kiss text talk a lot after our league play. There's a 10-year age difference. We've known each other for years You know There are certainly, you know, I think about the movie when harry met sally. I think about the tv show friends Okay, uh You know chandler and um, monica. They were friends first It's the only way this is going to get just like in friends the only remember they were in london Going to ross's wedding and monica and chandler find themselves Uh Attracted to one another and had sex together unless there's a spark, you know The problem is you have to be careful of what's known as unrequited love Or building a fantasy in your head about this person So ask him out on a date But jonathan all the female dating coaches tell me to never lead. I've got to sit in my feminine folks, listen Who gives a crap who makes the first move? It's what happens after that that matters most so ask him out By the way, I've been asked out by a lot of women now. It didn't work out But it had nothing to do with them asking me out. I appreciate that they got the ball rolling So if a woman if you ask him out and something happens, there's a spark happens Who cares that you made the first move? But if you have feelings for him, then make some effort and then I like what matthew hussey says invest and test invest and test invest and test You invest a little bit and then see if he meets you. Okay great question dmr. Thank you so much All right Let's keep swimming. Oh, here we go Oh, I just want to Holly says this is going back to no one is that busy when someone leads by saying I'm going to be busy for the next week That's like I'm just I'm just establishing my escape clause most likely. So holly agrees Um, and jameson says you're a side chick. Okay question fyi 1993 I stopped let wait I stopped let him have sex with me because I don't know his intentions Am I right or should I be intimate with him and see what will lead? Well, I'm not a big fan of like when you begin a sexual relationship to already cut it off but what I would say is You know tim It's before we continue our intimate relationship I'd really like to have a conversation about our our goals and our desires when it comes to a committed relationship Is that okay if we have that conversation? So now you've established by the way folks If you if you're watching this right now Just mark the time and go back and listen to what I said, you know rewind this and listen to what I said, but my point is Establish, you know, don't cut him off and expect something to happen Have a say look before I continue any more physical intimacy with you I need clarity on this relationship Because guess what magic fairy dust doesn't come down and change his mind You're going to have to initiate a conversation with him and better to do it sooner rather than later though So fyi, I thank you for that Ah, let's see Evelyn says thank you so much for answering my question. You're very welcome. You made my day. I'm glad to hear that all right Let's see Jasmine said Well, Jim's as he says I think I'm going to go old school And say my legs are staying firmly shut until I get a hundred percent commitment You know, I'm not so certain, you know Ladies, I'm not so certain. That's what you shouldn't be doing And what I mean to say, I'm not so certain. I'm I now believe that our biggest person Look at the number one emotional health issue most everybody is faced as I'm not good enough I'm not lovable and I'm not likable And nothing triggers that like dating because dating these days is just a long string out version of friends with benefits with some minor agreement to monogamy and exclusivity You know it used to be 2000 years ago if you wanted to have sex you had to get married now back then getting married was simply Agreeing to be together. So it was a relationship by today's standards back then, you know But today's relationships have no real legs to it because there's no that you see back then If you got a woman pregnant, you were somewhat obligated to stay with her and today because of birth control people can have sex freely Without any consequence. So coming back to your question or your point Is um, or oh, excuse me I went off on a tangent and I did I did a squirrel and I forgot where I was going with this. Okay. My point is I believe the sooner we get to those discussions about commitment the greater chance for success Marie and I did that right off the back. We laid our cards on the table rather quickly We were radically honest with one another again. This is what I teach you my private coaching Check out the link below. By the way, if you haven't purchased my book check out my book What the heck is self love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work In the link below, okay Getting to commitment conversations sooner rather than later is in your best interest But Jonathan all the other coaches tell me to just wait six weeks and above. Okay Remember I said the number one emotional health issue is I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable I'm not likable when you invest in someone who isn't serious You've got a good chance of being used by that person So it's up to you to establish your standards and your boundaries and a boundary is simply what's okay And what's not okay for me sooner rather than later. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know. Please post a comment is say. Yes, Jonathan. This is resonating with me Um, okay Remax that remix says question if he doesn't reach out by phone or text He is in transitional phase and has dreams of being a millionaire. Am I a placeholder? I already answered that question for you okay Folks if a man isn't making effort by reaching out to you By progressing the relationship forward. Wait a minute Uh You know a man who genuinely could there's my sweetheart right there. I'm smitten by her The right when I knew I wanted to build something with her Which was literally within the first few weeks of meeting her I progressed the relationship forward progressing the relationship forward is making plans for the future It's making plans to travel together in our particular cape It was making plans to figure out how we could shorten the distance together It doesn't listen Most men who are emotional grown-ups, okay? Most men who are emotional grown-ups and they are what's known as growers and builders. Okay Now the problem is Ladies you're swimming in a pool of dysfunctional men. I get it But you women are just as just as dysfunctional as well Partially because you just accept bad behavior So coming back to when you're when you're with an emotional grown-up who's a grower and a builder He knows very quickly who he wants to pursue It's the dysfunctional men that will use you and waste your time I'm repeat that is the dysfunctional men if you're not familiar with that chart of mine And by the way, this is not a fact. It's merely opinion. Excuse the glare okay Emotional maturity and relationship skills not a fact an opinion roughly 20 of the population has clinical issues And 60 percent are dysfunctional You have to recognize this going in this is why you have to be a detective in the early stages of dating Don't give your heart away until you've really established some level of trust with one another Is this sinking in remax? I hope it is. Okay. Thank you so much Jennifer says Is it unrealistic to think I'll meet a dream man in the grocery store? I'm 50 and haven't had A date or anything at all in a year and a half totally celibate I don't know how to act or how to meet someone Jennifer great question so You know a broken clock is right twice a day and what that means to say is could you meet someone at the grocery store? Yeah Possibly, but I want you to think about this for a moment For those of us over 50 When we're in our 20s It was easy to Meet single eligible people because we most likely knew because most the people we congregated with Were single and eligible in our 20s. Okay Roughly about mid 20s of our generation began to be more prevalent in the workforce So where a lot of people met was in their professional capacity. Okay now fast forward We've just been through a pandemic. We now have technology So many things have shifted. I will tell you I for for the five years before I met Marie I worked from home. I didn't like to go to bars and night clubs. I did the meet-up groups on occasion I went grocery shopping. I went to Whole Foods. I went to Trader Joe's I had my little my bag that was with me, but I didn't like to approach women at the grocery store I felt like it was disingenuous to look at somebody purely based on looks And then try to establish a conversation. It just didn't feel right for me to do that Plus I was scared shitless. I was nervous to walk up to people. I would like I look at my son There's my son calling right there. He's got brass balls. I mean, he's not afraid to walk up to a woman and ask her out I was chicken shit Okay, maybe when I was younger I had those balls But when you get rejected, you know over and over and over again You'd just rather just not make the effort to do it unless there's some real eye contact And she's going come here. I want you to talk to me So unless you're in an environment where this happens regularly The reason why online dating has become the number one place to meet people where over 50% of all Singles over 45 years old are meeting is because it's easier to swipe than it is to sit there and Grocery shop for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours. So is it unrealistic? Yeah, I mean it's starting to become a real challenge. Um, but then again Um, I've talked about singles cruises. I've mentioned the website singles in paradise There are a lot of singles organizations Church groups meet-up groups where you can at least be around single eligible people That's what I would consider doing put yourself in an environment where more single eligible people are congregating Okay, jennifer. Thank you so much for that question Pam says thank you for your input. I really appreciate that. You know folks, uh, You guys have been wonderful. I can't begin to express my appreciation for your kindness care for both Myself and my sweetheart marie. You guys were so sweet last night. She's going She's going to have soldier shoulder surgery soon and you sent your prayers I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate that as well All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video and first off if you found value in this Video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel Please tell your friends about it post a comment below if you have something to share And now I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic jonathan bearer of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love and hope you didn't see the pit stains I'm asking turn to a friend a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love. And by the way, there's a teddy bear And we could all use more love in our lives I want to thank lisa and we jen and we join and babe one and maryland melph and jameson and jemzies and nancy and natalie and Holly and debbie and charlie and denise and sylvia and mr. C. Do we have a guy in the house? durine Lisa maryland jennifer and all those that asked questions and donated to the connor as a scholarship fund Thank you so much wishing you a super duper fantastic evening. You be well. Take care. Thanks. Bye now