 We've all dealt with narcissism at one point or another in our lives, whether from a co-worker, family member, friend, or lover. It's a draining experience, leaving you emotionally fatigued and sapped of your energy. Sometimes it's easy to notice the signs and leave before getting hurt, but sometimes there is a cost to leaving that we cannot or do not want to pay. This is most common with parents and job opportunities. It takes a whole lot of courage to make these different relationships work, despite urgent feelings of needing to run so you don't get hurt. However, there are steps you can take to help you cope with the narcissist in your life and keep your relationships in as much ease as possible. Identify the type of narcissist you're dealing with. Researchers have categorized narcissists into two different categories, grandiose and vulnerable. Grandiose narcissists have incredibly high self-esteem, believing themselves to be superior to everyone else. They are the stereotypical narcissists that people think of when they hear the word narcissist. Vulnerable narcissists have low levels of self-esteem, high levels of insecurity, and tend to compensate by focusing only on themselves. This means they have self-absorption and self-centered tendencies. Once you know what kind of narcissist they are, you can change your interactions with them to keep your relationships healthy. Grandiose narcissists are wonderful helpers with your goals if you give them an important job and praise their work often. Vulnerable narcissists need constant reassuring that they're doing a good job and you'll need to be sure not to accidentally offend them in the heat of the moment. While it can be difficult or frustrating to think about where people are coming from or why they are the way they are, it is key to helping you feel for them. There are always more events in a person's history that has affected them more than they let on. Figuring out someone's backstory and why they lash out the way they do can also help you handle their angry outbursts and regain patience and tolerance. While it is important to find out where the person is coming from, it's equally as important to listen to your own feelings and thoughts. What actions and behaviors of theirs bothers, triggers, or hurts you? What goals do you have pertaining your relationship and how much are you willing to push your past feelings to maintain it? After you take a look inside yourself and evaluate how you feel, you can figure out where to draw the line and form boundaries and where to push forward and cope with your feelings. In the end, this experience will teach you a lesson about yourself and how to handle yourself in times of distress. Not like any other person, narcissists require a gentle touch when communicating with them. It won't be as honest and open as with others, nor will it be as straightforward. They may get defensive quickly, but this is because of insecurities, sensitivities, or lack of empathy they might have. Be careful not to let things backfire on you as you'll end up in a direct conflict which is never fun and was never your intention. Communicate as gently as possible without compromising your own values and recognize if and when you should gently step back or put your foot down as long as it is done respectfully. If and when you put your foot down to draw some boundaries between you two, be prepared to face the consequences. No matter how gentle you were in laying down the law, they will take it as a direct attack and treat it as such. Depending on the person and situation, they may or may not end up presenting you. It is important to remember in this time that this is part of the process and you may not be being treated well enough by them. You're not someone who obeys them all the time, but it is better to recognize your own needs, values, and limits than to compromise them for someone else. While humor isn't called for in some situations, it might just be your saving grace. Finding humor in a narcissist's behavior may help you cope. You can also call out their behaviors with a smile or a light joke. Remember to choose your time carefully so as to not accidentally offend them and make the situation worse. Choose to keep humor to a minimum in moments of high stress, anger, or distress. However, when a narcissist does something naturally and without thinking, if you point it out in a lighthearted manner, it is more likely to be well-received, listened to, and potentially corrected. Depending on how close you are to the narcissist, you may have to decide if they need more help than you can provide in order to maintain or regain a healthy relationship. With people who are close to you like your best friend, lover, or family member, keeping a distance doesn't always feel like an option. Many psychotherapists are trained to help with this disorder and can help them and you remain healthy and happy. Remember that loving them sometimes is not enough and needing professional help is okay. Remember to see the positives. This person obviously has positive qualities or else you wouldn't be trying to maintain your relationship. Focus on the good qualities and the reasons why you want to make things work when you feel overwhelmed or stressed. Integrate this into your plan so you can enjoy the most out of your relationship. For instance, if you know a certain place or situation that may trigger them, avoid them to the best of your ability. The same goes for conversation topics. If you know of a subject that gets them going, steer clear of them and talk about something else. Go out to places you can both enjoy yourselves and talk about things you both like talking about. Always remind yourself of why this person holds great value to you and that no one is just their disorder. Lastly, it is most important to accept them. While it may feel like you're walking on eggshells at times, it is important to remember that nothing they are doing that hurts you is intentional. It is not that they do not want to see things from your point of view, but it is that they are unable to. You must accept that you will never have an equal relationship with this person if you choose to maintain your relationship with them. This is all up to you as no one can tell you what to do, but you cannot expect them to change just for you. And instead, you must change your outlook and strategies to keep them in your life if you choose. Remember that they are more than their disorder. That's all from us at Psych2Go. What do you think about these coping mechanisms? 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