 This Saturday tomorrow April 29th 7 30 p.m. At QED in Astoria Queens We will be doing a live taping of this show of the David Feldman show Listen to this lineup of guests folks comedians Sean Donnelly who you've seen on Conan and Letterman He will be a guest along with David Feldman show regulars Angela Cobb You know him and some of you hate him Pat dick Pat Dixon from the New York crime report. I got it I got a peek he kicked my ass in the roast battles and I love Pat Dixon He's he's incendiary. You don't want to miss this tickets are only eight dollars to purchase in advance Go to QED Astoria comm and search for the David Feldman show I will personally shake everyone's hand after the show. I'm bringing Purell not for me for you You're gonna want to clean your hands after you shake my paws and you'll get a chance to see my hair plugs up close and personal I will let you touch my hair plugs if you show up To QED. This is how desperate I am I'm Tomorrow April 29th at 7 30 p.m. At QED in Astoria Queens if you come out to see me I will let you touch you can run your fingers Through my lush and verdant hair plugs go to QED Astoria comm search for the David Feldman show $8 and you know if you know somebody who lives in Astoria, but you're living overseas Buy them a ticket as a gift eight bucks The more of you who show up the more of these we will do Donald Trump this week unveiled his new tax plan which turned out to be not to pay any It's 3 a.m. Friday April 28th 2017 I'm David Feldman. We have a lot of show. So let's get right to it This is the David Feldman radio network Welcome to the broadcast. I'm David Feldman David Feldman show calm Please friend me on Facebook. Follow me on Twitter on today's show Three of the biggest names ever to come out of my hometown San Francisco comedian Chris Titus comedian Mark Pitta and this is huge chef Jeremiah Tower Plus my new friend Dave Chappelle calls him untouchable because he has leprosy No, he is one of Dave Chappelle's favorite opening acts and he's writing for tomorrow night's White House Correspondence dinner comedian lawyer husband father son and holy ghost as your husband stay with me This is the David Feldman radio network, we have three comedians on this show today I want to tell you first about Jeremiah Tower chef Jeremiah Tower because if you know anything about food This is a big thing to have Jeremiah Tower on my show And if you don't know anything about food, you need to know who Jeremiah Tower is It all starts with Jeremiah Tower before Mario Batali before Thomas Keller's the French Laundry before Wolfgang Puck. There was Jeremiah Tower He was the first celebrity chef. He created not only California cuisine. He created American cuisine he created farm to table he created the whole notion of Becoming a loco for he is on the show today Jeremiah Tower is responsible for Shea Penise in Berkeley, California and Shea Penise is responsible for this whole idea of eating locally sourced food I know it sounds crazy you young kids don't realize this But there was a time before Starbucks when coffee tasted like crap. Well, it's hard to believe this But Jeremiah Tower in the late 70s and early 80s said to hell with French cuisine to hell with Flying in fish from Chile. Let's cook with what's right in front of us You all take that for granted, but until Jeremiah Tower nobody knew What fresh food tasted like I'm being serious. There's a new documentary out. It's called the last Magnificent it is the story of how Jeremiah Tower didn't just Revolutionize modern dining he created it in this documentary Martha Stewart Mario Batali and Anthony Bourdain Sing Jeremiah's praises. They all say it begins with Jeremiah Tower. The last Magnificent is a Magnificent documentary. It's produced by Anthony Bourdain. Go see it. You'll never look at food again the same way So much of what we take for granted started with Jeremiah Tower in the early 80s He went on to create stars restaurant in San Francisco and then poof. He disappears Fell off the face of the earth. Nobody knew what happened to him. He walked away from it all Left at the top of his game only to return two years ago To run tavern on the green here in New York City as well as serve as the subject of this fantastic Documentary the last Magnificent I would put it up there with Euro dreams of sushi that great 2001 documentary that covers Euro uno the or ono the 85 year old Japanese sushi master who runs a hole in the wall That has three stars for Michelin. This is This is on par with Jiro dreams of sushi the last Magnificent I am so proud to have Jeremiah Tower on the show today Another San Francisco treat Christopher Titus joins us Christopher is working on his eighth comedy special This one's entitled America. Really? It's about Donald Trump You know Christopher Titus from the Titus podcast his series on Fox and we relive the early days of the San Francisco comedy scene and While I'm on the subject of the San Francisco comedy scene Mark Pitta seen him on the Tonight Show all the late night shows Mark Pitta joins us. I think one of the most underrated comedians working today We talk about the first time he did Carson hanging out with all his heroes including Mort Saul Do you know who Mort Saul is? Find out who Mort Saul is we talk about Mort Saul if you like comedy you better know who Mort Saul is and then We wrap it up with Usher Usman. He's a really funny guy a comic and a lawyer and I hold that against him. I really do He's writing on tomorrow's White House Correspondence Center So I bust his chops for doing that mostly because he's a lawyer and a comedian and speaking of the White House Correspondence Center Here's something you will never hear on CNN MSNBC or Fox News. I made a mistake I made a mistake on this show, so I want to correct it before you hear it this is something you you never hear on TV news or Somebody say in a marriage I made a mistake during my conversation with Christopher Titus I say that Ayn Rand's real last name is Rosenberg. I stand corrected. It's Rosenbaum So I Apologize to anybody named Rosenberg. I know how detrimental it must feel to be identified with Ayn Rand Ayn Rand's real name is Rosenbaum not Rosenberg. I hope you check out Azure Usman. He's Really a great guy and besides being an hysterical comic as I said He's a lawyer and we talk about Ayn Coulter. Ayn and Coulter who is speaking at Berkeley Or not speaking at Berkeley. Who cares? It's just oh my first amendment writes my oh the first of you know Last time I checked the first amendment doesn't guarantee the right of a wounded dog to bark all night Just shut up. Just shut up. I'm so tired of this first amendment argument First of all, she's charging 20 grand to speak at Berkeley. So it's not free speech. It's 20 large speech The money is not coming out of Berkeley's coffers. It's not coming out of Berkeley So it's not really a first amendment issue, you know Berkeley You can only claim first amendment Oppression when the money is being denied to you by the government and yes, Berkeley is a state school But this money that she's getting paid doesn't come from the government it comes from young Americans for freedom and Bridge USA. These are two conservative organizations They preach fiscal discipline, you know, we can't spend more money than we then we have we have to cut food stamps Cut welfare cut social security live within our means, but somehow They have 20 grand to blow on Ann Coulter speaking at Berkeley is Ann Coulter worth 20 grand all the money that young Americans for freedom and and Bridge USA all the good that they can do with 20 grand. You know how many People need 20 grand. You know how many conservatives need 20 grand and they're gonna throw it at Ann Coulter To come speak at Berkeley as though there's no other place in the Bay Area Ann Coulter could speak it has to be it has to be Berkeley. What is that about? Well, I'll tell you what it's about I'll tell you what it's about ten years ago the Washington DC City Council Primarily African-American they invited a financial consultant a white guy to come in and talk to them about balancing the budget During the meeting this white financial consultant said something to the effect, you know You could cut social services, but then you would come across as being niggered Lee and The African-American City Council members were offended by his choice of the word niggered Lee Of course all the conservatives on Fox jumped on this and said niggered Lee is a word It's in the dictionary. It means cheap Obviously according to Fox and Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity These these black these African-American City Council members were offended because they don't know the definition of the word niggered Lee All they had to do is look it up in the dictionary. It's in the dictionary They know the definition of the word niggered Lee The n word is also in the dictionary just because a word is in the dictionary. It doesn't mean you should use it anybody who is sitting on the city council in Washington DC Knows that niggered Lee means cheap tight with a buck frugal tight-fisted miserly close-fisted penny pinching parsimonious Stingy scrooge-like you get the point of All the words this white man could have used To express the word cheap Of all the words out there. He chose in front of an all-black audience niggered Lee So what's that about? Seems to me this white guy She's stopping so niggered Lee and spring for a thesaurus There were plenty of words he could have used in front of an all-black audience Other than niggered Lee, but he wanted a reaction He wanted to say niggered Lee in front of an all-black audience So they could be offended and all the conservatives could say black people Don't know the definition of the word niggered Lee. We're too sensitive The politically correct our foisting censorship on us isn't this horrible. That's What Ann Coulter speaking at Berkeley is all about with all the venues in the Bay Area and Coulter being funded by the young Americans for freedom by bridge of USA these conservative Organizations with so much money behind them and Coulter just had a pick Berkeley Why? Because she wanted a riot She wanted a riot the same way Milo Yepponapolis From Breitbart news wanted a riot when he tried to speak at Berkeley with all the stuff That's going on in the world We really need Ann Coulter showing up at Berkeley Didn't she die off last year at the Comedy Central Roast? I thought I thought we killed her didn't we destroy her? Didn't she wake up and realize that everybody hates her which they do everybody hates and Coulter But you can't destroy a cockroach like Ann Coulter because they are not human and Coulter is not human and most importantly she is funded By Regeneri press Regnery press the Koch brothers the faucet of money coming her way Makes her totally indestructible and it doesn't matter how despise she is and how irrelevant she is You cannot destroy a cockroach Who is getting money from the melonscapes the Koch brothers the Mercer family? It doesn't matter What they say how humiliated they are the money from the right-wing Plutocrats keeps coming in because Ann Coulter is a useful idiot Remember I talked about sleeping Giants It's a Twitter feed that exposes corporations that are advertising on Breitbart. They're they're advertising inadvertently. They don't know that they're advertising on Breitbart and You know God bless sleeping Giants It's a great Twitter feed and they're getting a lot of people to stop advertising on Breitbart But I said when I was telling you to follow sleeping Giants. I Said it doesn't matter You cannot get rid of Breitbart and right after I said that Bannon Steve Bannon who ran Breitbart did his financial disclosures and sure enough He draws a salary From Breitbart that is funded by Hedge fund billionaire Robert Mercer and his daughter Rebecca Breitbart doesn't run on advertising. It is it is funded and paid for by right-wing Racist environment destroying Plutocrats Robert Mercer look him up. Look up Robert Mercer. He's among the earliest and strongest backers of Donald Trump and Mercer has a political agenda just like Sheldon Adelson who runs the Venetian and the Koch brothers People like Ann Coulter or Steve Bannon You cannot destroy them because they get their money from a handful of the richest Families and as long as Ann Coulter or Steve Bannon Carry the water for these families hell-bent on destroying our our economy and our environment You cannot ruin them because money is their life blood. That's all Bannon and Coulter care about They don't care that they're hated All they care about is money because they're not human. They're cockroaches Bill Crystal another cockroach He started the weekly standard and you know the national review Buckley another cockroach the national review Look at these conservative rags that preach the genius of the free market You know the iron randy and free market Milton Friedman free market The truth is that Bill Crystal and Bill Buckley they could never survive without the quiet funding of Rupert Murdoch The Welch family the Koch brothers the right-wing industrialists whose agendas they serve Bill Crystal and Coulter they will tell us the free market the invisible hand is good enough for us when a corporation transfers all our jobs overseas But there's no free market demand for their writing. There's no free market Streaming for Ann Coulter and Bill Crystal and Bill Buckley. They are subsidized by right-wing industrialists I know Ann Coulter's books are supposedly number one bestsellers But that's only because the Koch brothers order 5 000 copies on amazon That's how you create a new york times bestseller. There's a trick to it There's a trick if regnery regnery press if the wealthy industrialists behind regnery press by 10 000 copies of Ann Coulter's book It's a bestseller. Nobody reads that crap. Nobody reads books by Bill Crystal and that my friends Ann Coulter not going away after the comedy central roast. Well, that's the final nail and that coffin And you know what it isn't Ann Coulter Speaking at Berkeley after the debacle on comedy central after her debacle on comedy central She has a cautionary tale in the age of trump In the age of trump If you're right-wing and you're a useful idiot You can continue to be a fool to be wrong about everything and you cannot be destroyed because in the age of trump Even a broken clock Is right 24 hours a day Trump is not going away. He's not going away. The same way Ann Coulter isn't going away. Trump I don't see him getting impeached You know russia putin flin jared cushioners nefarious ties to gangsters all this stuff. We keep going. Oh, that's it You know avanka got booed in germany now. They're gonna go away. No, they're not going away All this corruption that we think Is a smoking gun. Trump doesn't go away. The stuff goes away. That's what goes away the minute there's a terrorist attack And trump trump goes to war Before 9 11 all anybody could talk about was dick chaney's Secret meetings with oil executives when he was drafting the bush administration's energy policy Who was meeting with dick chaney when he came up with energy policy? We need to see the white house logs No, we're not going to show you the white house logs. It's executive privilege But how are we going to know who was writing dick chaney's energy policy? And then there was enron orchestrating these illegal criminal rolling blackouts in california Which literally killed people and these rolling blackouts chaney blamed on Deregulation instead of the corruption that was enron and that got proven it got proven that the rolling blackouts in california They caught people they caught people on tape working for enron Bragging about just literally turning off the lights in california But chaney said oh the lights went up because it was deregulation This was criminal behavior. But guess what happened 9 11 and everybody stopped caring. We had smoking guns But nobody cared because of 9 11 the investigation stopped There wasn't enough manpower. You know when you're cutting the budget of the federal government There isn't enough manpower to investigate the corrupt Hateful people who are cutting the budget. That's why people like trump want to cut funding for the irs They don't want to be investigated I'm not trying to be negative here. I'm really talking to myself here. I'm trying to get My my heart started because I have trump fatigue You know, I just I'm saying this to myself. We're in it to the bitter end, you know Go look at john l lewis the congressman. It never stops the fight continues 24 hours a day seven days a week go Listen to that great speech by ted kennedy at the 1980 democratic convention in new york the fight Never stops it never stops and I have fatigue I have trump fatigue But the fight Cannot stop. I have to stay on top of this until the bitter end I can't throw up my hands and say The body politics is is riddled with so much disease. There's no point in trying to fight it You know, there's so much corruption. I don't know where to start. That's how I feel I think we all feel that way right now Every day you pick up the newspaper And it's like living next door to a slaughterhouse eventually you start getting used to the stench, but I cannot Allow myself to accept the stench. This is not right. This is not normal But I pick up a newspaper and my my just my eyes glaze over and I just go, you know, steve mnuchin this cockroach unveiling this tax plan this lying goldman sacks apparatchik and my eyes glaze over and I Why do I have to read lies? I try to read the washington post. I try to read politico. I try it's just lies It's just a lie. They're they're bringing back the laugh or curve and and lying about how tax cuts Jumpstart an economy. It's been proven to be a lie It's been it is a lie. It is a lie Reagan sold us the laugh or curve back in the 80s and said if you cut taxes for the richest one percent It will flood the treasury with so much tax revenue will balance the budget That's a lie. It was proven to be a lie George w bush said that lie and it was proven to be a lie the budget deficit and the debt Kept going up up up and now we're hearing the same lie From the same people Who are funded by the very same people who fund and colter and bill crystal and bill buckley It's the same right wing industrialists Who pay liars to lie? It's a lie But in america as long as you're getting your funding from the mercer family a hedge fund manager who benefits by Getting his taxes cut He's paying trump minutian Who's our treasury secretary and colter Bill crystal. He pays them to lie That's what so i'm tired of reading lies I'm tired of being lied to and i'm tired of legitimate news organizations having to Dignify these lies Even you know, even when they're disproving these lies. I'm going this was you know, what are we doing here? Why it's like didn't we settle this in 1982? when Reagan tanked the economy by giving tax cuts to the richest one percent But you know after a while, you know, I just go okay. I'm used to the stench But i'm not going to accept the stench and this show You know, we've been booking a lot of comics past couple of weeks because They're really the only honest people I know I'm booking a lot of comics because I need about another week and then i'll rejoin the fight against the republicans and trump But right now it's like there's a dying ape in my living room and it's just sad it stinks and and America it's like this dying ape in my living room and it feels like all I can do is just wait for the ape to die And then dispose of it And then go out and get a pet that's legal and start from scratch But that's not the way it works We have to fight. I have to fight. I have to focus and I have to fight and I will fight but on today's show It's light. It's light Jeremiah tower food mark pitta comedy Christopher titus comedy azure oozman Actually, if that gets a little heavy there Stay with me Welcome back. Welcome back as many of my listeners know I started in san francisco And I went on to fame and success I was on evening at the improv and I did caroline's comedy hour But you know, I I haven't forgotten where I came from I I always want to look back And bring bring the guys along with me joining me from is it hollywood? Is that where you're going from? Yes, north hollywood. Yes north hollywood is a young kid. I started with named christopher titus You know, I figured help a brother out as I like to say and if you don't know who chris titus is he's a very Good comic you should check him out see him work. And that's what this show is all about introducing my audience to To comics who just kind of you know may not be part of the vocabulary yet. Welcome to the david feldman show chris Thank you, david. I appreciate you having me on man. You're so you're so nice to like give me the time I I can't believe it. I and by the way, I have I'm in my uh I we I've been a little soundstage in north hollywood. I live it up in up in the up in the hollywood hills now Oh, but yeah, so I guess I still got to work. I haven't made it well enough to really You know not just to be able to sit on my button collect money I'm still trying though Oh, you live up in the hollywood hills. So like is it a little like so I appreciate the help What do you like you do handy work and they in exchange somebody gives you a place to live? Uh No, we we bought a house after I had a tv show for a little while on fox and and we bought a house up there and it's It's it's you know, it's it's not it's nothing big. It's it's not like stevens bielberg's house. It's just it's just a house I'm sorry I'm sorry You said two things and I don't think I heard you probably you said you you own a house And then you had a series on fox How come I actually have two houses. I got a house I have a house in the sierra is too for to go skiing and stuff Yeah, I had a series on fox for three years. I was a writer on it And that's why you know, this will help kind of get it out there to people that I had a had a tv show So thanks for again for letting me on your podcast buddy. Oh You you own two houses and you had a series on and it says here you're you're uh Playing a little club next week Little hall on the wall in the midwest Where's that? Oh, yeah, we're doing some doing some small shows. Uh, uh, we're doing a on may 4th We're doing a Vogel Hall in milwaukee, wisconsin. It's a theater And then the row center in chrysloak illan and on may 5th And then and then and then may 6 and then by the way, thanks for getting this out there The goshen theater and goshen indiana and then and then I'm playing a club I'm playing a club and on may 18 to 20 the commie works out. Then that's just that's just a that's just a little 450 seat that So Are you I'm fine. I'm fine Hey chris chris. Thank you. Yeah. Hey good for you Good good for you buddy. Well, you look at you Look at you at the podcast with the look I appreciate it and you with the podcast you're doing so well I mean and and and that that you're helping guys like me is is It's gone the esk if I if I may say that thank you. Yeah, I want to I want to is it pay it forward? Is that what it's Because so much good has come my way that I just feel I should You know, don't pull that the the ladder up behind you bring up. You're playing a theater But how many people in the theater? Three theaters, uh, we uh, it's I don't know. I think they're it's not big. It's I it's like a thousand 1100 seats each one David Good for you chris good for you Anyway, you know what I'd like to do for you because you're helping you're helping me out. Um, I just wrote and directed a a movie Yeah, no, no, I think I just had a bad clam You wrote a movie, huh? Yeah, yeah, we did it. Uh, it's called the special unit we We uh, um, we used actual disabled actors in it The premise is due to the fairness and disabilities act the la pd has to hire four handicapped undercover detectives And I play nicknalti's mugshot. I play the worst cop in la and and we got it shot It was my first uh feature and uh, yeah, man And we're gonna shoot another pilot in a couple months too for another tv Show I don't hey, how are you doing? So you uh Uh, you wrote and directed and started in your own movie. Is that what you're telling me? Yeah, and actually the fun part about it was Yes Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead or watch go ahead. You were the fun part. Um, we uh Yeah, fun part is I wrote the movie a while ago because we had we did it a pilot at commie central in 2006 And I was really mad because commie central said no and it was all the disabled actors And although hollywood talks a great game about disabled actors They really put him in so it took me 10 years to get it made Um, we had production dates set out of the blue I get a phone call from peter farrelly from the farrelly brothers And he made me spit out and I did a David Farrelly from the go ahead You go ahead Yeah for the fairly brothers Well, he just you know, uh, and this will just probably make you happy He read my script and blow torched it. He basically he gave me more notes than I've ever had in my life Go on go on past. I would get notes, you know, how did you feel? How did you feel about that? How'd you feel about being rejected? And spat upon by one of the farrelly brothers that must have been difficult. I hope you were able to get through that. All right Oh, it was I almost I have to be honest when I hung up the phone up that first note section I Honestly, it was but then again, it was peter farrelly and I in the past I went and listened to executives, you know, if you've never written a joke don't give me advice on jokes I've been doing comedy 30 years where we started together So when peter farrelly did I did every note that he gave me, you know, I was a good boy I went and I did everything he said and it was interesting because he's done some of the funniest movies the last One year, so I didn't in king pins one of my favorite movies I took all his advice like a student and then I sent it back to him and he called me again And he said can I give you notes on the rewrite and I was like, oh no and at that point my soul Was literally shaved down and and so I got ready for the note session and I sat there And I was ready for him to tear the script apart again and he called me back and he said this is great I have three joke notes. Oh Let's go back to when your soul was shaved and you were broken and so it's horrible Yeah, let's let's focus in on that. So were you depressed? Did you start drinking again? Did you have sexual dysfunction? Let's let's really explore that period where You had been rejected by one of the farrelly brothers and let's just talk about that for an hour if you don't mind How did it feel to be rejected? Okay, all right How do you feel it was it was it was You know, I tried to focus on the fact that one of the best comedy writers of all time was kind of helping me out But but it was it did feel it didn't feel like rejection. He's probably the nicest guy in the world So you doubted so you doubted yourself comedy too. So you doubted yourself You didn't feel you were deserving you probably went to las vegas and gambled away a lot of money and went Started eating food that you shouldn't be eating stopped exercising Maybe we're you know, a little impossible to be around with your family alienated your loved ones, right? How did you get through that? Yeah, um I uh I went to the gym and with my trainer and and I worked out and and I just wrote the script and had Friends help me with this is so it's so This is so inspirational that you were over you were able to overcome this This is so valuable for my listeners and good for you chris that you were able to rise above this and how long did this last A year how long were you like how well? Yeah, how long did this go for rock bottom? Oh, it was an 80 page rewrite. So I mean 80 pages that took me about, um I wrote it in about nine days Nine horrible days And what did you learn during those nine days about yourself? What did you learn? I bet you can draw from that even today draw from that even today What powers did you discover that you didn't think you had? During that nine day wilderness period That that I can I can take notes from someone who's I didn't learn I just wrote a um I learned that you just keep that that if if I I wrote a script I learned. Hmm. I have a writer's guild nomination for my tv show. So Yeah, don't bring that up again, please Sorry, it was a you know if peter fairly ripped my script. It probably wasn't deserved, right? It probably it was probably it was probably some sort of sham, you know It's just a writer's guild of america. So it's this sham organization that I mean It was no big deal, you know, and then we got beat by everybody loves raman anyway So it didn't really count, right? How did that feel being rejected by your peers? Everybody loves raman. You started with ray romano. You know ray romano That must have that must have hurt seeing him win an award that was rightfully yours. How did you deal with that? Oh, I don't well. I mean, well, I can tell you what james cameron told me. Um, james james cameron said That you're sure I don't really care what james. I you know what? I don't need to know what james I need to know what james the director james cameron avatars titanic Yeah, I don't know Yeah, I don't need to know what he said. I need to know what you told yourself during this dark dark dark period Excuse me for one second. I live with my mother. Hang on for one second. Can you keep it down? This is Can you guys keep it down? I live I live in my mother's basement For reasons I don't want to get into can you do you mind keeping it down tarantula just leaving us alone? Would you mind I'm to mind Anyway, I'm uh, we're gonna use the disposal. Okay. Hello. Yeah. Hi chris. I'm I'm uh, I live with my mother now It's a long story By the way, it's nice of you to tell that your mother that's nice. Let your mom live in your house with you That's that's really nice of you. David. See that's what I've always liked about you is that you would give so so you wait So you well technically you're working your mom lives with you now sweet is that well technically it's Not my house. I guess yet Uh, but I guess you could say What eventually it could be my house if I if I mow the lawn today and Clean out the gutters and uh, yeah, so yeah, I mean I'm in my my mother's it's my mother's house, but Hey, um, you gave up you gave up your time to caregiver. That's great You know what I love about you, David I've always loved about you like like whether it's helping me or it's when I was a young comic and now And then helping you're moving in with your mom to help your mom out I mean, you know you a lot of people would just live in their own houses And they wouldn't they wouldn't you know rent their own houses out to live with their mom. I think that's Yeah, I like you know man, it's I wish I could be more you honestly All right, I'm gonna be honest with you chris Can I be honest with you? Okay We started together Yeah Yeah, and what's become apparent to me because I don't really read the trades and I live in my own echo chamber where my mother tells me I'm perfect and It's everybody else's fault I Kind of just assumed that you were chris titus, you know from san francisco and uh You were you know some road hack. I I feel like you misrepresent when you agree to do the show I think you misrepresented yourself. I think you lied to me I didn't know this. I didn't know What was going on in your life quite frankly Well, I mean I did I didn't lose my tv show. That's good. I lost it I actually lost it off by smarting off to another president. I said I lost my tv show Yeah, it's a little it's a little late. It's a little late to tell me that now Don't you think don't you think that's don't you think you deceived me before? I went through a horrible divorce too. I lost I I lost like two million dollars in a divorce Yeah, but see that David David, I'm just as I'm the fact that you lost two million dollars in a divorce. You see that's That you can you understand how that hurts me when you say you lost Thank you for telling me you got a divorce. I appreciate that that was that's considerate And that was generous Okay, but then you bring up the two million dollars and do you realize what that does to me You know we started together and for you to say that you lost two million dollars in a divorce Can you understand how hurtful that is to somebody like me? Oh, I was still I know you're upset because I Yeah, because you're upset that I lost all that money, but I still had a bunch of money No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not upset that you lost all that money. I'm upset that you had that much money to lose Do you see Do you see how do you see how I do you see how you Began this interview under false pretenses Do you can you understand how how hurtful this is? I'm I'm sorry. I uh, I realized I started out um by being uh Gregarious and and and and fun and I didn't realize and happy and happy and fulfilled and fulfilled I mean if I second wife is 13 years younger younger age Hang on mom, I'll clean it up mom. I'll clean it up mom after I'm just doing my show mom Oh Well, I had a bad Bad clam there 13 years younger than you, huh? well Yeah, she she was uh, she was a diesel genes model for a while and now David yeah, I'm okay. David. Are you okay? Yeah And what she did Lisa recently she's a hard worker. She's a comic now, but she uh She was a bodybuilder. She did those uh body competitions She did the the Dex caliber here in Los Angeles. So and she's and she got two college degrees David David, are you okay? David what she's educated to hello. She's educated Yeah, her mom her mom was a master of fine arts and and she's also she was a caregiver for her mom Her mom just passed recently and so she's I've kind of married so amazing combination of like, uh, uh, just a model and and and honestly like literally a A Martin Luther King s gondias woman. She's like she's a getter. I swear to god. It's weird Uh, dude, you're killing me man. You're killing me something. I couldn't I couldn't I had I had my shirt in my face Let's do this. Let's take a quick. Let's take a quick break Let's take a quick break And when we come back we're gonna catch up with one of my oldest friends unfortunately We'll be right back The slurs and to keep playing are like trying to be positive. It's accidentally slipping in more good stuff Welcome back. We're talking to my old buddy christitis and hey, so in all seriousness I am at my mother's and you can hear them talking in the background Look how bright right with a little respect. Can you hear them in the background? I can hear it. It does sound like you're literally at Thanksgiving dinner at your mom's. Yes And I politely said, hey, can you keep it down? I'm talking to it They don't that nobody nobody cares about anything other than themselves in this country, right? That is true. Oh my god. And this country man. Narcissism I think cell phones have ruined our society and we elected the most narcissistic human being on the planet to be president Selfies there's no themies and usies. Tell your kids to get to take themies and us these because we need to get They need to get friends. Yes, and your mom is really narcissistic just I can hear from here that your mom is incredibly narcissistic him It's pure passive aggressive behavior It's the definition of Yeah, yeah, I think the uh that that I really enjoyed the uh, I'm just gonna use the disposal that made me laugh Really hard. I had my shirt in my face and I was shaking You're doing a bit that your that your mom jumped on board this bit It's just out of the blue. It was like an improv troupe on your side I've marked pit on the show today. So he and he is very interesting besides being really funny He's kind of a historian when it comes to the san francisco comedy scene and you know, I don't like going down memory lane Some people do and I got bodies there. I got no I got bodies. I got bodies in memory lanes I don't like to go down it at all Because we started out at the same time And I'm gonna tell you what I thought of you and you earlier you before we started you talked about jake joe hansen doing your Show I want to bring up jake joe hansen who I have to have on the show Because he was my guy, right? He was the guy I started with And denis miller right says every comic has the guy Who they're competitive with They they they compare their careers and I unfortunately Idiot that I am picked jake joe hansen to be the guy I was going to compete against And I would get these calls from my father going. Yeah, have you seen this guy jake joe hansen? I saw him on letterman. He's a man. You know, he hides the joke He tells stories and then just builds these Building these houses and hanging jokes in inside of them. It's so sophisticated Thanks, dad. Who was your guy? Who was there somebody you started with who you measured your career against? Please say it was me. It was actually it was you and bubs It was you and bubs at the beginning and then as I got oh, then I went then I flipped hard to carlin and rob Williams But it was when I was in that group. I'm not kidding in that group I was you and bubs were doing There was a there was a moment in time when you and larry bubbles brown grabbed on to Bobby bitter and fell though and then bob rubin came in and I remember being just shocked and amazed At how there was that one like chapter of san francisco comedy Where everybody was doing these wild ass characters and the freedom on stage was ridiculous And I you know when people talk about the alternative scene down here in la I always think no, I actually saw the real alternative scene in san francisco It started, you know and patent came out right by that too your jokes were always I think you will durst in a couple guys I would look to as maybe you will durst really How to write a concise joke that was a big deal you and bobby and and bubs to where I just I I kind of learned how to cut it down by watching you guys So, you know, and this is not bs that a bit we were doing honestly, you know, you guys did shape I mean I was a 1920 year old kid. I was just I was I god I can't I see pictures of me back then and I just go I just it makes me shudder. So you and you guys were you guys were nice to me You were like one of the few people that didn't slam me and monti hoffman I I never wanted to fight a grown man more than monti hoffman. You're the second just shred your soul Pitta just on the show pitta brings up monti hoffman That's interesting. He passed away, you know, yeah He's the only guy that when I heard he passed away. I was like I just went to my list and crossed him off He's on the list You know, I this is I shouldn't I I may I may take this out No, this part when when this is I'm going to burn in hell for this You can leave it for me. I I'm that guy when monti was diagnosed with cancer. He said I'm going to rape this crazy disease I may take that out I may take that out I'm gonna rape this crazy disease I you know the thing with monti is There are two types of people in san francisco those who well I that's not fair because women you know, i'm gonna You know, I got along with monti and there were certain people who did get along with monti If you were a woman Your experience with monti was kind of different and I guess There is the sanctimony that comes with white privileged men like me Who? right don't understand What women at fox news Or in the san francisco comedy scene went through, you know, there's this sanctimony because I got along with monti Because I didn't have anything he wanted and I would just say, you know, it's interesting. I apologize chris I'm just my mind is wandering, but I'm thinking out loud. It's like I had this Self sanctimony where I go, you know, I got along with monti. I understood him. Yeah. Well, he didn't He didn't come in and grab your pussy though He didn't like so I would watch him outside club sometimes and it was I've never seen this behavior in a man to this day until we elected the new guy Hey, monti was this guy who would and I remember standing out and maybe that we always hang out in front of that punch line sometimes on open mics like so Monti would just whatever girl walked up if she was single. Hey, you want to fuck me? Hey, you want to blow me? Hey, and he would like it was just an incredible scatter gonna approach and every once in a while Every one of 120 would stop and go go. Hey, what's your problem? He would talk to him and next thing, you know He's got he's with that girl. I never saw He didn't pick and choose. He just whatever if it was female and had nipples He it walked up to him. He was hitting on it and and he was gross and some women just went for it So but I agree with the white product I you know women women get messed with all the time and monti was part of the problem I mean literally Literally assaults and harassment went down 22 when monti died And that is the problem with the human condition I know women Somebody I really respect a very spiritual woman in the bay area who protected monti defended monti We all have our narratives and then there are the facts your honor We live in a christian Culture it's all about forgiveness and understanding but some things Are you know and we're asked to forgive and understand And successful people or you know monti was funny monti was really funny so We found some of us found it in our heart to forgive and you know, he's troubled. He was a vietnam vet He went through hell and then there's the bottom line If you're a woman How did he treat you? What did he do and that's the truth that has to be Addressed and when you have white heterosexual male privilege like I do You I didn't see any of this stuff So it was like Well, here's the thing I got treated because I was a young kid who was trying to come up monti treated me like I was the New chicken that just got led into prison. I was always treated like that monti never backed off me I saw him do something to jake one night We were doing I think it was the first or second sounds comedy competition And you know jake I think it was the year it was the year that jake was smoking it like he had done it before But there was one year where I think didn't jake jake won it one year, right? Yeah. Yeah And every night he was destroying and what I saw monti do we're all backstage. We're getting ready I'm out of it. I think I made the I never made I don't think I ever made the semi eyes in it and And jake jake was killing it and monti monti walks with jake who didn't have his headphones in and he goes and he literally just said some shit like Hey, jake, how you doing? You know that that you're fucking doing white you just a new material that you've been beating on that shit for six years now And he's just fucking basically I mean and it wasn't and it wasn't you know how we all fucked around Like do you know how we all like we would all give each other shit? Are you gonna wear that but but it wasn't like that it had that other level to it where monti was dead serious And jake just put his headphones in turned and walked away. Uh-huh And I remember thinking oh, you're a cocksucker and that's that's that there's my problem I like I break balls, but I got your back monti break balls didn't have your back I think that's the difference. I have to be honest with you about monti I remember doing the comedy competition always coming in last and I remember Boy, I don't know what this says about me. I can't smart man I know but I can remember pairing up with monti At the comedy competition. He was like my he was my comedy competition, buddy And You know, I've I've you know why why? You you always had glasses on you were always you were I'll tell you why You were always kind of you were the intel of the comics in san francisco at that time You were the crazy intellectual one. You were the one that had the smartest political jokes. You had the smartest socially relevant jokes Of anybody in that time of anybody there was nobody else. I don't think anybody was pushing what you were pushing Monti was the opposite end of the spectrum monti was talking about blow jobs and And fucking women and blah blah blah and I don't think you I don't think he was ever threatened by your comedy because your comedy was so smart and your comedy's so smart and above everybody's You know, the only person that I felt was in your league really was jake Back to your father My dad everybody he saw on tv he you're not that guy So it wasn't just jake my dad anybody who when I started comedy who he saw on tv It was like hey, you're not that guy that guy's way better than you So don't don't feel bad that your dad went one guy my dad went after everybody but you told me he was Everybody was better than I was So that's why I think monti monti identified with you because you you never You were never in monti's wheelhouse, you know in monti knew that monti knew he would there was nothing he was going to write There was nothing he was going to come up with You weren't taking his women because you were you were always such a solid cat There was something about I get totally get why you hung out with monti But it was really monti hanging out with you. You didn't pick monti. Okay, and he behaved around and he behaved around me I never saw it. He did because you were that that's interesting You were that guy when you came we all kind of it was when you came in the room It was kind of like of that era because I was I was on the outside Even even when ruben was around your ruben even mellowed out around you Like the craziest guys in comedy when you came in the room kind of chilled out It was almost like the assistant principal had walked exactly And and that's the same goes for the audience the audience the audience chilled out and I was the cooler That was that was the problem I used to stand in the back I would sit in the back. I would stand whenever you walk on stage. There's there's a lot of guys. I You walked out to watch some guys. I didn't care. There was some guys bobby salem. I didn't walk out to watch Uh slate and I would come out to watch sometimes when he would come So but he was already moved to LA if uh bubs was doing I'd come out to watch bubs I'd come out to watch you because you were a writer you would always come up with new stuff I'd learned from you guys I would watch come out to watch bob ruben only because I wanted to see what the hell is he gonna do now Um, but you guys I would come out to watch you because of your writing Now you're performing but you're right right. No, I agree with you. I agree with you. That was always the uh Who said who said this to me somebody said to me? Oh, it's hell said to me That ugly guys are always told they're writers Like it's true. Like everybody would walk up to me and say you're a writer. You're not a performer Well, that's that's I but I'll give you a compliment I'll give you a compliment in a second before I ask you about bob ruben. Would you say Of all the comedians. I want to hear how bad I was. I I'm not gonna say you No, I'll give you a compliment because You were great the minute you stepped on stage and the other thing that annoyed me about you Was You Came almost fully formed you stepped on to the stage the audience instantly liked you You understood that this was show business. You were young and you weren't clickish because The click will always Leave you behind You know, you never played to the back of the room you played to what was in front of you I was so concerned about what larry thought and what my friends thought In all honesty, you know, when you're part of a click If somebody succeeds like jake, it eats you up inside, you know and rob schneider Left the click. It was like, why would you do that to me rob? Why why did you go on letterman? Well, you know jake, why did you win the san francisco comedy competition? Don't you realize what that does not just to me but our click you think you're better than everybody Who do you think you but you got it from the beginning that this is business? And you took acting lessons and singing lessons and dance dance lessons and movement lessons And those movement lessons really work because you moved away And you You know, you got the idea that the oh, I get a lease in l.a. It's not But you got it you understood something that the audience wants to be entertained. This is show business This isn't about david and larry working out their Their girlfriend issues Right I got really yeah, I got really early on that you guys would do that and you know Part of you wants to be that guy You want to be the guy that will make the comics in the back of the left? But part of me I I would watch you guys Do that and then when monti would laugh or or bubs would laugh at you or the other guys I realized that monti wasn't paying your bills My and I and I realized that I want to You gotta remember I I don't have any other skills I was a df student in california public schools. This was my shot. This was all I had I gave myself four years when I started back then and I said if I don't make it in four years I will go go to trade school become a welder because that's what's gonna happen I have no skills. You guys were obviously all educated. You know bubs had an engineering degree And I knew I was fucked. So I think the audience is still by my father Yeah, the audience smells that and that's why they love you they smell because I fear and desperation exactly the audience Yeah, but so I'm being serious I'm being serious that the audience If you have you you weren't a feat, you know, right And the and the audience doesn't like somebody who doesn't who doesn't need them. I always want to go ahead Yeah, well, I don't know about I always I thought I was desperate for a while I thought for a while I performed very desperately And then when I wrote norman rock was bleeding once I got to la I realized the less I cared about what the audience thought the better I was But it took me that took me 12 years to find that it took me 12 years to find that The best thing you could it's such a fine edge and I tell comics all the time give me some advice comedy I go and I said when I'm on stage and they're not laughing fuck these people They can't do it. They're in their seats once I found fuck these people and and I don't mean that like I hate the audience I mean that's that fine line between I don't care what you think Here's what I think and the reason I'm up here is because I know what funny is So and and you have to it's it's such a weird razor edge You have to say fuck these people and also I love these people at the same time. It's such a bizarre Such a bizarre thing on instead I've learned about comedy. Hmm I never had that I have it with the podcast Because I don't have to worry about the laughs right but on stage I if they're not laughing I I go into panic mode. So what convinced you I guess it's doing the one-man show right that that it becomes that's a whole That's not stand-up. That's a whole other thing Right. Well, that's the problem is that like I saw a lot of guys do one-man shows and they forgot to be funny And and I will watch I always try to watch what works and what doesn't work I go watch a lot of comics and I saw Lily Tomlin do signs of intelligent life in san francisco down in the And and I remember thinking wow and she's kept it so funny There wasn't these big pauses. It was just joke joke joke joke on top of having a story So when I wrote Norman Rockwell The one thing that I committed to is it has to be at least as funny as stand-up And and if I'm funny as if it's as funny as stand-up for an hour and 20 minutes Then I've bought myself the right to take three minutes and punch the audience in the order as hard as I can And then I have to be funny again So so what wasn't a Norman Rockwell joke joke joke joke joke But I think a lot of comics when they hear the word a one-man show They believe that it's just carte blanche to to not be funny and and I I think it's the opposite I think if you're gonna if you're gonna have to pretense and be a pretentious douchebag that you're gonna do a quote one-man show You better make sure that it holds up in any comedy club in the country And that's how I developed Norman Rockwell. I would I didn't I didn't go rent theaters I I toured it with comedy clubs first to make sure that it was funny And then once I put the theater on top of it once I rented a theater put it in a theater It it took on a whole extra An extra power to it. It took on this extra weight But I developed it in the shittiest drunk ass fridays so that I could show comedy clubs in the country That requires a lot of disc. Have you ever not man? Have you ever not been disciplined? Has there ever been a parent? I don't think I'm very disciplined. I mean I It's all yeah, I mean when I I was a df student. I couldn't graduate I didn't graduate the joke I do in my new shows. I didn't I didn't graduate. I was let go I'm the only senior that was laid off from high school I so I got out I actually had to go back after I graduated to get three more credits to get my diploma So I was I realized I was really and I talked about this on my new my new set on marigold and I really wasn't disciplined at all and But I loved comedy like I wanted to be a comic since I was five years old And I loved comedy and I used to listen to Cosby and I would just in Cosby was so disciplined And then I would watch then I then I got into robin to the point where like I was obsessed with robin lambs Do you remember there was a guy who did how he did it? Do you remember there was a comic? Who came on the scene who did robin and didn't realize it? Do you know what I'm talking about? Yep, I'd be almost beat his ass and sent us a one night I was hosting I was hosting open mic down at the last laugh and sent us a and he got on stage He got on stage david with the suspenders Like one point like if you're kermit was it kermit something Somebody he got on suspenders. No, no, no. No. No. No. No. No. No is it dude. He wasn't around He was he wasn't around long He got off stage I grabbed him by the front of his shirt outside of where the comic stand and I slammed him against a brick wall The last laugh and I said if I ever see you get on stage and steal anybody's act again I will beat your ass in this alley and uh, and you know why because to me There's not a lot of things that I believe that much in but like when you guys would write jokes like Sometimes you'd piss me off to watch you and bub's work because sometimes you guys would do jokes that were right in front of me That I missed don't you hate that when a comic Does something that's right in front of me. You're like fuck. I missed that dammit. Yeah, and and so And you guys found it first and that's the magic of comics and that's why you can't steal from comics You can't steal like we all have dads. We all have moms. We all have kids whatever You can write those jokes But when someone finds it like a tell like a tell sometimes will come up with a joke And I just I just smacked myself on the floor like holy crap that was right in front of me and I missed it um, and I think I And that's why I get so I'm very defensive. I busted carlos muncie. I watched carlos muncie Do want to deal hughley's jokes in vegas I watched him do it. I stood in the room and watched him So I know that guy's a thief car. Let me say it again. Carlos muncie is a this is after south park Roasted him. I watched him do it. Joe rogan could kick my ass, right? Would you call Joe rogan? Yeah, he could he Joe would you call him on thievery? No, I'm saying not that he's a thief But I'm saying if he just if he decided to be a thief. No, he's not at all. I know that but I'm saying Since he knows mixed martial arts Would we call him a thief? If he stole something It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you if if you're a comic And you you step into and by the way, I'm gonna I'm about to get really precious about comedy right now So please you can edit this out. You want The comedy is magic. Here's why Comedy is the only thing that we like you can play music all day long and sit in a room and talk and drink and whatever And oh, that's the good song. I'm gonna dance to that comedy Is the only art form that actually it has to create A physical reaction in the person listening to it So the magic of it is is it has to actually it has to and it can get I'm sorry to get precious about it But it literally has to fire something in your brain that makes you Physically react you have to start laughing So it's magic and the guys that do it and can do it well and the guys that I look up to Are the best at if you're gonna steal someone else's magic. Fuck you. I will find you I will I beat your ass. No, but I'll make sure everybody knows. I'll fuck you. I'll screw you I'll tell everybody you did it then I'll go film you somewhere Then I'll put it on the internet and let everybody know that you're a thief. It's not it's not okay It's not okay. We it's too hard. It's dude. Some of the jokes you've written Like if I saw him stealing your stuff, I would do the same thing I would just I just I take it to I Maybe I take it too seriously because some comics don't care They don't care and I'm not talking to someone doing like the like that wall joke. That was the weird thing Like when you have to I know I did the wall joke that was like that That's that joke. I didn't I didn't go up. But here's so Rogan. That was just one piece So so here's what I'm with Mencia So Mencia, I didn't believe it until I started going online and then someone had started posting Stuff from his album when I ran into Carlos in Vegas I walked right up to him and I said hey man, and I go how's everything going? He goes, what do you mean? I go with all the stealing and I don't know Carlos I was that was literally our first two sentences and he goes. Oh man. Come on. I go. No, I said I said no I said honestly, I said I saw you steal. He goes. I said not the wall joke I said I saw you do the bill Cosby football piece You know the kid about uh, he's And his dad helps him He he did it on one of his specials and I said I saw that piece. That's not your piece and he and here's what he says Here's here is a sociopath Carlos doesn't say yeah, I should Carlos says to me. I'm we're standing in Vegas taught face to face So this isn't a this isn't a hearsay story. This happened. I was standing in front of him He said he goes. Oh man. He guys. I got real arrogant He goes, you know, we filmed that bit on the special and then we cut it out of the special and Comedy Central And then when they released a dvd one of the editors put it back in man. That's what happened. Wow. He never once said Never have done Cosby's bit. Right. He said the editor fucked him That was like, no That's wrong and then that night then we had that conversation David Then he went on stage at the dirty at 12 30 at the at the south point because you know and did a joke And I'll say this about Carlos. I get why Carlos works Carlos is an amazing performer That dude Confident and the way he says things and he can get an audience fired up man He's got he's got he's got everything that trump has he can just get an audience fired up and they don't know what they're fired up about So I watched him and then I was driving home and I watch him do a set and I didn't see anything But I remembered a couple jokes that were that were killers as I'm driving home listening to Comedy Central Records And I got radio on on Sirius. I'm driving home from Vegas back to LA And fucking deal. Yuli comes on. I'm listening to you on the deal And he he does fucking does the joke and I called the other go deals at your joke. He goes. Yes, my joke I said, I saw Carlos do that the other night at in Vegas. He just said deal just goes. Thanks for telling me, bro So that's where it is That's that's where it is for me and and and and again I don't mean to make comedy precious, you know, and you guys like I got I started with I mean I look back I was such the out the odd man out. I think we all maybe we all felt like that But I really felt like the younger than everybody. You were I didn't really fit in you were a kid. Yeah, no I mean you were like three years younger you know, but Hey, does anybody let me just say goodbye to my mother. Let me say goodbye to my mommy and my sister. Bye mommy Bye Okay, sorry Okay, I have the uh my parents I have this nightmare scenario where I'm I never left New York I'm living in my mother's basement And I never get married. I never have kids She lets me live in the basement And I'm the best son The and she just brags about me then I put her to bed at 11 o'clock every night or 10 and then I sneak off And I meet young men at the bus station And do horrible things You know, not sexual. There's like weird And then I'm at all night and then I come home smelling of another man's cologne, but I bring my mother a bioli A coffee and the daily news and she says you're such a good son You're such a good son and then one day the police come And they say boy if these walls could talk and suddenly the walls are talking because they're you know Men saying let me out. Let me out. Let me and some are some are just bodies I know that that is that But dude, so, uh, so, I mean, I remember like I remember I was kind of obnoxious at that age. I was Really fired up. I was trying to compete with all you guys and it was impossible You guys are you know, you guys are all and by the way, you say I was a kid and when you say three years difference 19 23 24 It's a big thing is way different. I was 19. I don't know how old you were back It's it's that's a huge of course literally 15 years of development three or four years Oh, and it's also you guys had paid bills and what happened after four years. You said you gave yourself four years. What happened? Uh, I was living in the lower hate and I was eating one piece of pizza a day I said if I could make a living at it, I was making one piece of pizza a day I had 700 dollars in parking tickets because fucking san francisco And but I was making but I was making enough money to pay my bills. I wasn't doing well I was I would wall you guys every once wide like we'd we'd all get in a car and go to some probable nightmare gig in Santa Cruz Uh, you know, or wherever we would go when and I was just making enough money and then I started calling around the country and basically Kind of threatening club owners going list. Listen, I go anybody you put anybody in front of me And I would just go crazy on the fun. I was so And I don't it was it was all fear. It wasn't arrogance. It was like I said if I show up I said middle me middle me feature me pay me this money, you know, you know We did at the time I look back I was probably I was they were laughing at what I thought was a good money And uh, and I would say if I if I have one bad show and I did this in seattle too If I have one bad show, don't pay me and I never didn't get paid. So that's how I that's how I kind of broke into some of those clubs Wow, you wanted it And you made it happen You wanted it badly enough. Yeah Interesting, that's how the movie got done. That's a movie got the same way. I decided I learned something I did a thing called the landmark forum and I learned something that you don't you don't wait for The thing to happen you decide that thing's gonna happen and then it starts to happen bill hicks I remember standing with him at the improv in LA and he was telling me about The forum, but what is landmark forum? What is that? Just a class It's a three-day class. You could look it up to do it around the world and basically They've studied human beings for 5 000 years. What made hitler hitler. What made ghandi ghandi? You know, why is trump trump and they and we're all the same machine So we're all blood bone hair and we all have anger even our emotions are all the same So everybody thinks are so special but the reality is we're really not and so what they did was they kind of broke it down Why how people react and why some people are successful and some people aren't and it teaches you to Operate your life not out of your past, which is we all do you know your mom your dad my dad, you know It teaches you to to operate out out of your future So instead of looking backwards trying to move forward You're actually looking towards a goal and it just changed your life and by the way if hicks did the forum I so get hicks even more now it teaches you to take a stand for what's right and what you want to do Oh, hang on for one second. Let me let me I would never speak for bill hicks I don't know if he did the forum or he was complaining to me about a woman He was dating who did the forum and That's that might I think try to get her to do it No, no, no, no, I think I think he was dating a woman And he was complaining that she did the forum as I remember it. So I don't I don't I would never ever I will never ever speak for bill hicks. I just remember. Yeah, I just I think he he was dating a woman Who was trying to get him to do the forum? The interesting thing is that if he didn't do it If the interesting thing is if he didn't do it the way he performed on stage and the stuff he did is very form-esque Hmm It used to be est is what is do you know est was sure he was at Werner bearhard? Yes, yes, yes Werner left west they the company that bought it to be named it and then it became limer form Yeah, yeah, and my wife has taken it and then that's what I got the movie done and And that's how I got my own tv show. I got it. I wasn't going anywhere and I took the forum and then two years after that I had Titus You know, I I have no I have a df student I have a writer's good nomination it all happened because I would have I of what I learned in the forum Well, hang on for one second now. I actually ran a studio and did Werner airhard create the form or was it Is that him? Yeah, it was est it was est and then they didn't they keep modifying They don't just leave it as is they keep like making it better and better. Yeah, Werner airhard created est Est became landmark forum same technology. They keep moving it every year and they keep me you know making it better every year and Is it still around? Yeah, my wife's done it. My you know, my I think yeah, you can yeah It's these kicks ass they say it's one of the top 10 experiences of your life If you look on the web, it's it's not religious. It's not political It's just how do human beings become successful and how do human beings become not successful and you know What they don't use the word successful they use You know Self-actual what are some of the language? Self-actualized self-realized It's not that far It's it's transformative like it's truly literally transformative a moment to moment of what you think Scientology for people who aren't gay Yes No supposedly supposedly supposedly The rumor is that once his face elrond had put a hit out on a Werner airhard That's why he had to sell the form and that's why that story that was definitely proved to be wrong in 60 minutes came out of our Werner because Elrond Hubbard it was basically our friends and there was the same technology and uh Elrond Hubbard wanted to make a church out of it to make money and Werner heard said no We just want to have people give access to a different life. We're not a church And then Elrond Hubbard said yes, we are uh from billions of years ago the themes and Werner heard I went oh fuck i'm leaving and he left and then they put a hit out on him And that's part of the reason the rumor is that it's a rumor the rumor is that's why Werner airhard They were friends and then Werner started est And that's when Scientology started and then and and and you know Scientology is not what it is and the form is what it is But it's an amazing technology. His name is right. He's Rosenberg. He's Rosenberg, right? It's Werner. It wasn't his name Rosenberg Probably so he's a jew. Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? David? Is that what you're saying that? He's a jew. I'm saying I know he's a jew. Are you calling him a jew on on the podcast? I'm saying that I was what you're saying. Did you I think that he I think what I'm saying is That his real name is Rosenberg Jew and as was Ein Rand. I think her last name was Rosenberg Now the question is was Elrond Hubbard. I doubt Elrond Hubbard was his yeah, his name I think it was I think it was Elrond Steinmetz Well now you've got me all you know get you out of your mom's house and you have a better life Hey, this was thank you for doing this. Let's plug it. Let's believe it or not. I have some listeners I know it's hard for you to believe but I actually have listeners No, and that and I'll see I've done some podcast that first thing we did was some of the funnest thing I've done. I was I literally had had fabric in my mouth because I was trying not to laugh When you started freaking out I'm puking. I was like I was shaking so hard. It's really funny So may 4th may 4th to be a vocal hall in milwaukee may 5th at the row center in crystal lake, illinois May 6th the ghostian theater in the may 18 to 20th comedy works out. I'm working on a whole new show It's all about the election and trump. It's called americ gaden my movie a special unit You can go to my website christopher titus.com check out the the trailer for the movie. It's really funny Billy Gardell is in it. He's waiting for me right now. Well, Gardell is uh, yeah Billy Gardell is in this movie and he plays his character He plays the police chief his character is four seconds from aneurysm a whole movie And it's it is so ridiculously And so that we're actually looking for distributor right now on that and uh, and uh, that's it man And thanks for having me on dude and the titus podcast if you and I have the titus podcast If you want to if after you're done listening to the amazing david feildman podcast You can go to listen to the titus podcast. Okay, and very quickly. I just want you to know I forgive you I forgive all your success. I forgive all your thanks buddy. You're great. Thank you. Thanks david. Bye. Thank you. Bye. Bye Director lydia director. I'm from new york. Uh director lydia tenali I'm trying to Trying to that was good. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna call her from now on I wasn't raised to enjoy the brooklyn palette that was raised to disguise my my voice director Lydia tenali is the last magnificent is an amazing documentary playing right now in theaters all over america The movie produced by anthony bordain chronicles the life and times of jeremiah tower who pioneered california cuisine And the modern incarnation of the celebrity chef I'm gonna go so far as to suggest that you jeremiah tower are responsible for farm to table and the whole idea of locovores According to anthony bordain. It all starts with jeremiah tower who revolutionized the american restaurant by turning it into a Celebration of cooking as well as local ingredients. Thank you for joining us Well, thank you david thinker body me on the show. I know nothing about food But food is like comedy everyone is an expert everyone can tell you if it's good Or bad. They can't explain why it's good or why it's bad Can you be a food critic without being able to cook? Well, you can certainly let me think about the word critic for a minute You can certainly be a major food figure. I mean julia child friends couldn't cook But she recognized good. I mean she couldn't even roast a chicken but That's true. It's true. She would admit that too, right? Not really I don't think she ever admitted that but Anyway, so but she can certainly recognize great food And I've been told by people who worked with craig club on that and he couldn't cook With a terrible cook and that's why he had pierce frene Do all his cooking and testing and for the new york times But that didn't matter. He knew what delicious food was. You don't have to be able to cook it to know it taste Food is a combination. I think taste is a combination of smells Textures how it lands on your tongue Musicians are born with perfect pitch. They can be taught relative pitch But you're either born with perfect pitch or you're not Does the same apply to to a chef when it comes to taste? Is there such thing as perfect taste and relative taste? And do you have perfect taste? You know, I've read about that and I think it's true that uh, some people I mean one's tongue and Whole system in the mouth and nasal passages, you know and sinuses are built To be more accepting of all the nuances of taste, which of course is smell and and everything Yes, I think that just like that in terms of perfect pitch. There is a perfect pitch of Being able to taste things that one is born with. Yes, I I agree in the documentary There's one of your chefs and he hits the glass. He says There's a tone. There's a tone And that you would introduce a tone to your chefs and they'd say oh, we got to do this What does he mean by a tone? That's certainly one of my favorite Parts in the movie in the last magnificent because he just hits the glass with his knife And says that's what we were looking for and it's you know that clarity that simplicity the clarity the moment You don't have to spend 15 minutes looking into diving around into your 15 ingredients that somebody's put on the plate to figure out that it's a mess Right. It's the clarity of a great Saxophone note, you know, it's a great clarity of a of benny goodman on the clarinet It's a great clarity of a brilliant color That simple that easily seen that easily tasted Somebody who is brilliant at music they hear a symphony different than I would I watch comedy I guess differently than other people do when you bite into something What are you tasting you described in the q&a afterwards having a hot dog at a walmart in mexico and you took You took two bites one bite was delicious And then the second bite you said that's it i'm done and it made you sick But that first bite of a walmart hot dog. You said it was A riot of colors and taste. What are you tasting? Well, you know, i'm not immune to the power of chemicals If it was made by exxon, you know, uh, sure I approve of gasoline after all But what what's going through your brain when you bite into something As mundane and poisonous as a as a walmart hot dog i'm being serious. What is there a feeling? No, is there a memory? No, it's a sort of a rush of the whole combination of flavors And then of course seconds later or not seconds, but you know a minute or two later I'd realize that rush Is completely artificially created I admire that but i certainly don't want to eat it American fast food tastes wonderful at first bite because it's just a it's very carefully orchestrated music But of course it's not fast food. It's fast death. Mm-hmm. They have little eyedroppers that they can put on a bland piece of meat And turn it into sirloin because of the smell That's mostly about the smell In the documentary you collect menus dating back hundreds of years And in acting their sense memory you recall an emotion and then apply it to the character in the scene Does the same apply to cooking? Can you remember a taste without having the actual food in front of you so that when you're coming up With your own menu. Is there a taste you have in your head and you're trying to achieve it? Or when you're preparing a menu is it empiricism trial and error and you stumble into something you like or is this I hate to say platonic Absolute taste that you have in your head, but are you imagining a taste? I know somebody who told me she can remember what I smell like from You know 30 years ago You remember I hope that's a compliment I was living in Berkeley at the time. I don't think it was a compliment, but do you have like A taste that you can remember just in your head Yes, I do and also if I think of putting an ingredient or putting two or three together I can immediately taste it So it makes it a lot easier to Actually cook it if you've never cooked it before you head for those tastes and so when you Get there when you lift that spoon of you know sauce to your mouth and you Taste it you realize that was what was in your head and you know, that's your benchmark. That's your success That's in your head without any of the smells any of the ingredients in front of you. Yes, I'd uh I mean it must be an accumulation of all the things I've tasted and cooked and all the things I've loved in my life, but You know, that's how I can write a recipe for a cookbook without ever Testing the recipe and have it come out Fine or so people say wow In the movie they they show a young version of you going through these menus There's a thing called tasting menus. Can you actually read a menu and taste it? Just by reading it. Yes. Yes. I mean I taste the way I think it should be I mean if it says, you know and the old menus, you know, turtle consomme I have tasted I tasted That kind of consomme when I was seven or eight. I've never seen it again because you know now it's illegal But I did have it, you know I in london's finest restaurant in the 50s and I remember what it tasted like so It just I just read that word on a menu and I can it's in my head, you know Almost the same as putting it in my mouth. That's incredible. Can that be Getting back to perfect pitch versus relative pitch. It can be taught To have relative taste, right? I guess somebody If they're trained they can begin to taste things just by reading it Oh, sure. Sure I mean, for instance in the kitchen Once, you know, one time in shape and each were cooking dinner and then my one assistant at the time willy Became ill so I grabbed the dishwasher Who was 19 or 18 or something? I said here I cooked it. He tasted it. He cooked it himself It was about 85% And I said no taste it now remember now do it again and he got it right So he never washed dishes again. Well, but somebody else couldn't you know been there all night trying to reproduce that Right. So I started doing comedy in san francisco You either were born funny or you're like me you learn how to be funny You know robin williams guys like steven pearl jeremy kramer. These guys were just born funny They can't help it. They can't help it and they can spot another funny person They just know they can sniff out another funny person Can you sniff out somebody who has taste when you get someone a young cook, you know Or somebody who's just new to the restaurant for example, and you have them taste something It's the ones who go quiet It's not exactly as if their eyes rolled in the back of their head, but they're quiet They don't jump around and say oh great. That's fabulous. You know blah blah blah They stay They're sort of stunned into silence even if just for a few seconds. Those are the ones And you know it You know yes You can just tell by their You know, you look at their face and you look at their body language and how they're standing and how they react When the sort of pleasure sweeps over them and makes them still for a second, you know, you've got a cook Almost a genetic thing or they were raised a certain way. I think so However, that's brought to the table like Sorry, no pun intended right That is and always my way of recognizing Somebody who can be trained into be a great cook and then when you're dealing with them You don't have to say it to them. You know they know and you just treat them differently While you're running the restaurant right a year later, right? They've moved up and pass everybody by Well, like, you know, it starts with Dominique Cren she came in and I put her on the line the first day I could just tell she was somebody Who was going knew what she was doing was going to know what she was doing and now she's you know One of the most famous female chefs in america in the world I saw the documentary thursday. It just washed over me. I saw at the ifc in in uh in new york city There are some people who can't imagine a time that we didn't celebrate Local cuisine. I think it was mario batali who says in the documentary that you can't really understand a place unless you Pay attention to the smells The breeze and it's all contained in the local food The grass the herbs. I loved that that for me that explained everything about you because I can't imagine A time in my life Because I lived in berkeley and I lived in san francisco I can't imagine a time in my life when berkeley and san francisco had Inferiority complex about the local grown food, but before you they did well, you know, it's impossible People just can't believe that all the stuff we have now didn't always exist But when I started at shape and ease, I mean the only olive oil was a you know one market down Miles away in oakland The only fresh fish was you know in china town san francisco There were no herbs. I mean I used to when I walked to shape and ease to cook in the morning I would steal nasturtiums and rosemary from people's walls It it's impossible to believe that none of that happened I mean now that the whole united states has won whole foods market, you know, it's it's just Sounds ridiculous to say that that didn't always exist In the documentary it shows you going to a farmers market in mexico where you spend a lot of your time You started to prepare a dish for your neighbors in mexico They said this isn't I don't remember the name of the town you live in. I don't want to violate your privacy But let's for all intents and purposes call it I don't know war as and they would say this is not war as cooking and you say well, it should be Well, I can happily say that it's merida in the yucatan And it's the the Mayan cuisine and they have three or four Dishes that are absolutely world-class and one of them is built on that black chili paste called chilmole Which is you know From incinerating basically our bowl chilies then grinding them up from making a paste And that's what I put on the octopus in and they film right one of my favorite things chilmole Talk to me about why it's important in terms of the planet why if we do farm to table Why being a loco vor is so beneficial to helping save what's left of this planet Originally, I mean it all started up because the there wasn't anything much to buy so I you know encourage people to go up into the hills in berkeley And pick mushrooms and the boat boys who came back would quarter salmon Or conger eel they'd bring it to the back door of shape and ease and so it started because that was what was available But in fact, it's all about you know, the local stuff is going to be probably the best quality the freshest The local produce and the ingredients are going to be the you know, the freshest probably And the local ingredients haven't been flown in from chili on you know on a huge jet In terms of using up our resources The most gentle impact on the planet is to use local food One of the things that struck me in the documentary was I I hope i'm pronouncing this word problem equanimity That you seem to have an equanimity When things went wrong you Kind of smiled and went through it in the lead up to this interview with you we had a technical problem And I got really frustrated because it was a machine and not a human being I had to reboot the computer And i'm very intolerant of machines when they screw up But when people screw up i'm very forgiving. Is that the way you run a restaurant? I don't think you have a temper. I think the the impression I got from the movie was you were Very demanding a control freak You expected the best from everybody But I don't get a sense that you panicked when people screwed up I I don't think you can succeed in a restaurant without Nurturing everybody yeah panicking is is counterproductive because you know the people waiting for their dinner You can't go out and say I mean I can go out and say the electricity is off, but they already know that I can say the cook you know just decided doesn't want to do this And that's inexcusable because then I would do it so Actually, I can forgive machines and disasters and hurricanes and riots earthquakes It's much more the human beings that I I can't forgive but On the other hand if they're screwing up usually means you haven't trained them properly You know that scene in the last magnificent where the young chinese cook burns the food and I said, you know What do you think you're doing? And then it turns out he'd been put on the station by the chef to cuisine Which I didn't notice that that he didn't know what he was doing So I went over for the rest of the night And started to cook with him and show him how to do the food and he turned to me and said Well chef, you know, I don't know how to cook I laughed. I thought that was the sweetest thing a cook ever told me You know, I don't have to have a cook and I said, well, here we go. That's all we're going to do The last magnificent is it's an amazing documentary. It really is and And thank you for for doing this I found stunning and it's such a great lesson You went to harvard got a masters in architecture. You are obviously well educated and brilliant And you run a you run a restaurant You are paying attention to things That other people would say are beneath you for example The flowers when you were running stars you spent six months On the flowers learning how the flowers were arranged How much they cost to the vendor was The mindfulness of that if you want to have a successful business Or run a campaign for office like hillary clinton God is in the details Absolutely. I mean, if you in the broad sense, there's no point having good food if the service is lousy or vice versa You know, I mean this this perfect waiter, you know, or waiter giving you perfect service brings you lousy food You know, it none of that makes any sense. It has to be a perfect balance So it's the feel of the restaurant the look of the restaurant the food the service The choices, you know that the owner is made to provide Fairly priced wonderful wines by the glass, you know, great cocktails And I don't mean cocktails with smoke coming out of them. I just mean, you know Properly made with very good ingredients You know, I bartended one day a week at start so I could keep my hand in and see how the bar really ran You know on what was possible what was impossible So yes, it's God is definitely in the details all the time I had a guest on the show last week who's a comedian and An aspiring major league baseball pitcher. He wanted to be a pitcher He went to arizona state university and I asked him about the intersection of stand-up comedy and pitching And the question I had for him is when you're pitching or doing stand-up You are totally in the moment and totally focused to the exclusion of everything else So when you're running a restaurant, that is the ultimate escape From everything is there time when you're running a restaurant to think about anything other than the restaurant? And I bring that up because you quit you walked away from it I guess you went to manila new york mexico I'm a control freak. Most people are right. How do you give up all that control and Are you able to let go? Most chess are adrenaline freaks. And so, you know, you know, I'm absolutely hooked on high levels of adrenaline So, I mean that was one of the things to manage and I sat down and made a list of you know, how could I I mean, I wrote three books Now another fourth I'm working on since I left stars So I wasn't sitting around doing absolutely nothing, but a book doesn't really provide A solution to all those adrenaline levels. So I went diving with sharks I figured that would be, you know, the equivalent to a saturday night at stars and it was, you know You fall ever backwards from a panga into, you know, a little pack of six-foot leopard sharks I mean that definitely is that because you wanted to become the ingredient The fresh ingredients and lucola was right off the boat And they didn't eat you. They didn't eat you. They definitely within 100 miles. Yeah, within 10 feet One of the things I realized watching The Last Magnificent is they talked about the level of consistency night after night It's not good enough to be a genius One night you have to create a dish and you have to make that same exact dish 5,000 times does it have to taste Exactly the same or all 5,000 dishes are they gonna taste exactly the same? No, because you've got various people cooking it and also in a busy restaurant If I was cooking that dish all night long, it wouldn't be exactly the same But it has to be equally as good and it has to be as close as possible to the original intent Mm-hmm. If it's a piece of perfect fish with a little bit of prawn shell essence and and Muscle and clam and lobster stock and perfect olive oil and a couple of herbs thrown in Fine, but it can't taste all of herbs. So all of olive oil or all of the lobster essence has to be a balance And if you get that balance, there is a small range Of changes that you can have and it's still be fantastic You're running a restaurant. I blindfold you And I and I give you the same exact order two dishes A pasta dish. They're about to go out Could you sample each dish and tell me why they're different what was done differently on a subatomic level I'm at granular a level. Are you able to taste two identical dishes that are about to go out? And tell the story of how it was prepared Well, I mean blindfolded I'm not so sure because You know visual smell Body language of the person cooking it the you know the way it's plated everything comes into play I mean, that's the only way I could keep my eye on every dish that went out of there Because I'm looking at all those things. You know, I'm looking at how much sweat is on the cooked brow Right So blindfolded I could probably tell you why they taste different or or taste the same But I couldn't give you the whole story Because I would be missing a lot of it After you left san francisco Molecular is it called molecular? Yeah molecular cuisine molecular cuisine cooking style Is that a new phenomenon and is that real cooking? I mean trying to recreate the taste of a cigarette in a sorbet. Is that moving the ball forward? Is that is that important? It does move the ball forward. It is important I think but at the same time it's you know in a way Uh, it's always a side story the way cuisine mass there was the way new vel cuisine was For somebody who loves cooking Professionally that is always intriguing and you learn from it and it changes your style a bit but that particular molecular cuisine in the hands of four or five people in the world is Genius and intriguing and wonderful. It's not everyday food Unfortunately, that stuff is very difficult. So in the hands of somebody not that great. It's just rubbish Like foam for instance, you know that uh from el bully in northern spain When he made, you know a firm of let's say wild mushrooms. It was absolutely the pure essence the smell that taste I mean The whole thing is if you had a pound of fresh mushrooms on your plate But it was a tablespoon of light wonderful thing You know very easy on your body but fully satisfying Well, if somebody thinks I can put that a can and pump it up with gas and Shove it all over every plate they do then they've made a big mistake so It is very very educational and very inspiring But it's only for the hands of a very few people and it's temporary We're on pacifica radio. It started in berkeley pacifica radio and we're on kpfk in los angeles pacifica radio far left beyond left It's so left We're we might as well be on the right. There's there's no difference Sometimes they meet yes, they do so I lived in berkeley in the 80s I didn't go to berkeley. I went for the revolution the sand and east is in stand-up comedy And shea pennies shea pennies is in berkeley I had a lot of friends who went to berkeley for students living on top ramen shea pennies was where you ate If you were lucky enough to be rooming with somebody who had rich parents visiting from out of state Talk to me about the politics behind shea pennies It was it is an exclusive restaurant And the incredible food notwithstanding how do you square a world-class restaurant? Rising from the progressive movements ground zero berkeley the revolutionaries from the left or the right No one is ever so happy to get into that hotel suite or into a limousine As the as those people I Mean look at look at you know mousy tune look at lennon look at uh Tell you wrong from the french revolution. I mean they they invented a whole new fashion of men's clothes Minutes after they got off the street the sans collats Yeah, it's on collat. Yeah, I mean nobody wants to be cold and hungry and if it involves You know 800 thread egyptian cotton sheets and so much the better But of course that as you saw in the film last magnificent That was a bit of a problem when I I was not very berkeley Berkeley when I first got there. I think it was a three or four course menu for six dollars and fifty cents. So That was 1972, but still was only six dollars and fifty cents When I took it at 750 because you know, we had no money. We're going broke There was practically another revolution in the streets because their favorite place was now an expensive restaurant Seems ridiculous now when you know that 750 you will get your glass of water In new york or Beverly Hills So they saw that as a bit of a problem, but they also love to eat There's a phenomenon of people who leave san francisco and resent it Do you Resent san francisco. Do you do you think there's a work ethic there or are people Slaves to the lifestyle. Do you like what san francisco has become or is that a tough? Is that an unfair question to ask you It's not an unfair question. It's actually a very clever one because Most people wouldn't even know that question exists Whether it's about me or any other people as you say who leave san francisco I've always found San francisco a little bit difficult Because it's a self congratulatory Um, and you know about the bay well, excuse me everybody. Have you seen sydney harbour? Have you seen venice, you know, I mean, but sydney harbour Hong Kong harbour are much more exciting than uh, the the bay in san francisco But of course it is one of the most beautiful cities in the world has a great food culture It's just that one gets a little tired of hearing everyone say how fabulous it is Yeah, I live there for 12 years. Is there a work ethic there? Was it hard to find people willing to To sacrifice their lifestyle for the puritanical work ethic? Well, yes, because if they if they didn't they couldn't work at star. I mean, it was just clear I mean, yes, it it wasn't as difficult as you make it sound but Compared to sydney, which I just did in terms of the beauty I mean if you I would was doing a promotion for stars at the region hotel in sydney And you know the cooks if the surf was up. They just didn't show up for work Wow I mean, I was supposed to be swanning around the kitchen showing people this and that And I ended up cooking two stations was amazing Well, you've been very generous with your time. I hope you come back I have a theory about taking the job at tavern on the green I think like most people you're a control freak and it was your way of directing the movie The last magnificent is an amazing documentary and my theory is you took that job at tavern on the green because you figured it The documentary didn't have a third act. That's my that's what the director thinks, but it's not true Jeremiah towers latest book is table manners how to behave in the modern world and why bother and go see the last Magnificent you were very generous with your time. Thank you so much. Jeremiah tower Thank you very much. David for inviting me on the show. Thank you. Pleasure. Thank you. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Bye This saturday tomorrow april 29 7 30 p.m At qed in astoria queens We will be doing a live taping of this show of the david feldman show Listen to this lineup of guests folks comedian. Sean donnelly who you've seen on conan and letterman. He will be a guest along with david feldman show regulars angela cob You know them And some of you hate them pat dick pat dixon from the new york crime report I got it. I got a he kicked my ass in the roast battles and I love pat dixon. He's He's incendiary. You don't want to miss this tickets are only eight dollars to purchase in advance go to qed astoria dot com And search for the david feldman show I will personally shake everyone's hand after the show I'm bringing purel not for me for you You're gonna want to clean your hands after you shake my paws and you'll get a chance to see my hair plugs Up close and personal I will let you touch my hair plugs if you show up To qed. This is how desperate I am I'm Tomorrow april 29th at 7 30 p.m. At qed in astoria queens if you come out to see me I will let you touch you can run your fingers Through my lush and verdant hair plugs go to qed astoria dot com search for the david feldman show eight dollars And you know if you know somebody who lives in astoria, but you're living overseas buy them the ticket as a gift eight bucks The more of you who show up the more of these we will do You're nervous That's a good sign. No, I'm not really. Oh damn it. I was hoping you I want to be good I that I want to be good because I listened to a lot of podcasts and I'm thinking Joining us from san francisco mill valley. Are you in mill valley? I am in mill valley right now as I speak to you in god's country mill valley Mark pitta. Let me introduce mark pitta to my listeners. You might remember him from a couple of years ago He played the federal reserve. We interviewed the federal reserve Mark pitta as alpachino as alpachino and I ask questions about the fed because you're not allowed to audit the fed And you're not and that's why he kept saying I'll let I'll let you ask just one time just one time I will be I will let you ask And you kept calling me kate I would okay. It's okay. I'm so okay. Okay Yeah Oh, and then I like how he lies at the godforses. Did you and he goes no The way he says no from that point on in his life forever. No Mark pitta, you know, I hope he never dies because that's my best impression Mark pitta and I started together in san francisco. You are an emprisario You have been on all the all the television shows you became a local hero on television in san francisco And I have a bone to pick with san francisco. This is my this is my introduction San francisco. Great. This is I'm gonna trash san francisco and then I'm This is I'm angry at san francisco. I lived there for why david It cured me it turned me into a man It gave me everything I have And then I left And like everybody who leaves san francisco I resent it because it's so beautiful so idyllic And I can't go back there And you stepped off the pedestal that was created Being successful in san francisco to out in the real world when no one knew who you were But you achieved Many highlights of a career when you left so don't shortchanger yourself I know but the the the thing that san francisco now on today's show we have jeremiah tower Remember stars restaurant a guy You're thinking of jim jim high tower jeremiah tower Stars restaurant shea pennies he created modern american cuisine And he left san francisco as well and said it's a little too proud of itself san francisco And I have a problem with The comedy community something you addressed and and fixed but it's too big it's too big A problem now for you to fix it all by yourself You created comedy at the throck morton theater in mill valley california It is 11 years ago The best comedy room in the bay area if you're visiting san francisco You you have to go to mill valley. It's over the golden gate bridge And go see comedy at the throck morton And hanging out there Is mark pitta And more more it's all There's a lot of famous comedians that have come through and the the reason it all started was because When I finished my tv morning show I had here for five years I really missed comedy but Live nation owns the punchline and cobs. I couldn't even get back into my home clubs So I created a comedy night on tuesday and that was very strategic as you know because comedians are available on tuesday They're either done with their week or they're about to prepare to go for a new week and It was one of those things that hey, let's try a weekly show But having data carving robin williams as your friends and they would show up Then a buzz was created then the audience thought they were going to maybe see dano or robin But when they didn't what was on stage was a lot of my friends who were hilarious That don't have tv shows or not famous and it became a really cool core Comedy audience so they weren't there to see the famous person. They were there to see comedy Which is exactly what we went through in the 80s people just went out to see comedy Yeah, and it's still going strong. Woody allen has played the throck morton as a musician He's told one joke He says You know, we love coming here and playing for you, but we do it anyway It's like that old joke where a man comes home and his wife is in bed with his best friend and he says phil I have to but you So he said we would we would play anyway, you know Oh Go ahead because I got to meet woody allen I got to meet woody allen and I have Well, I say I have in my possession But when you go through a divorce and you don't have your belongings yet, you may not have This item anymore. Anyway, um Uh, if I could do it quickly take the money and run was shot in San Francisco. That was his first movie I happen to have a neighbor who is in sag And he's in the famous scene where he cries to rob the bank and they can't read the note Well, he ended up with the gub note I have a gun on you is that gub, you know the famous scene He ended up with it and he showed it to me and he actually had the note in woody's handwriting And when he passed away, I convinced his wife that he always wanted me to have that So I framed it. Yeah, I thank you. I framed it With the lobby card of everybody pointing at the note and my neighbor in the scene holding the note And I had a frame and I showed to woody allen and woody allen goes. Thank you and I said I'm not giving it And he turned into woody allen. He goes, you know, I'm sorry, you know, you people give me things that didn't mean to You know Take for granted so I have a woody allen story out of that That's cool That's great. And did were you there with mort? Was it backstage at the throck morden? That was actually was woody and I were the only ones in the green room at that time mort performed earlier in the day early in that evening and uh, so my favorite thing was They're playing and I go into the lobby and tommy smothers is in the lobby. Wow during the show and I go Tommy, what do you do in the lobby? He goes, it's like he's blowing a kid's whistle. That is the worst clarinet And and I said to tommy I said So now we're just talking about stuff Like what do you think of this whole bill cosby thing? He goes that guy's been like that forever one time I hit him in his fists with my face so Yes Yep Remember that well, we never knew why we never knew I think cosby thought he did a joke of his or something like that You know on this mother's brother's comedy hour There's something along those lines, but who would hit tommy smothers? I don't know for tommy's It was so much fun to talk to tommy as an adult, you know Because you grow up watching him as a teenager and one time I had the opportunity at dinner to talk to him Listen to this dinner david mort saw robin william shelly burman tommy smothers Fami hagar I mean you're like what and I was the other end of the table like why am I sitting Away from the legend So I walk over to tommy and I go before the entrees come I go tommy when you were at your height I hope he doesn't mind me saying this when you were at your height and the smothers brother's comedy hour Who'd you have sex with? He goes he goes terry gar. Wow. Holy wow. She was really hot He goes and he goes and then one time it was six months later I was at a party and she was there and I was trying to pick up on her and she looked at me She goes I knew you forgot I'm sorry, I'm I'm betraying his loyalty there and confidence that I would never repeat that But we weren't when you're on the david selman podcast we get you I gotta I gotta get you to spill your guts and make you cry That's the whole purpose of this show. I listen to a lot of podcasts and I'm gonna just go against the grain here I love janine garofalo. I don't know her that well I think the last time I saw her was at the gym On beverly boulevard. We call the butts on beverly because they always have the stair masters facing The gyms everywhere the stair master butts are in the window And uh, I like jenny because she would always call me by my full name. She was hello mark Coulda should always say like that But a lot of times on your show and other podcasts people Invariably we'll talk about why I haven't had a drink in 18 years. So I'm just letting you know I am having wine during this podcast. I'm not much of a drinker But I wanted to if I get a little tipsy during the podcast it makes for a better podcast. I used to do uh Monster party. I do that one. That's uh, matt winehold and he talks about horror films Oh, and he always and he always gets rock on that show So well jarrett podcast addition you're on the same episode with jeremiah tower Who is responsible for the snobbery? of california cuisine We can't imagine a time we can't imagine a time when people in mill valley And the nap of valley didn't turn their nose up on Other cuisine, but it's because of jeremiah tower and shea pennies We're too. Wow. Well, she yeah, they've shea pennies and berkeley, right? Yeah. So what kind of wine are you drinking? Well, I like this one called uh freak show by my I did a gig in lodeye And it was a michael david winery and they gave us a bottle. I really enjoyed it. So it's called freak show It's got like circus elephants on the label and stuff like that If you still buy one, I was surprised to know you lived in new york david If I could turn the tables and interview you what brought you to new york And i'm sorry if the listeners already know this, but I don't an airplane I didn't mean your mode of travel. I meant what spiritually I I uh grew up in uh new york and uh, there was a marriage of a couple of decades that Crumbled and there was a job offer in new york and I wanted to see my mommy I get so I get to hang out with my mother and my sister and friends who I grew up with And well, I never knew that I guess because I when I met you in san francisco. I assume everybody was from there Did you really think I was from san francisco? That's a compliment. I don't Yeah, I did I did think you were from there because when I started you were just one of the guys that went on stage like me And I thought it was just all local guys I didn't realize that playboy article where robin is quoted and the the whole article It's about the holy city zoo. That was a beacon for comedians It's like I must go to san francisco. I read in playboy There's this small club and they get there and they realize wow, this is a small club. I got to the holy city zoo I'll talk about that playboy interview in a second, but I got to the holy city zoo And I said, oh, this is fine. I'll give you my coat now. Where's the club? I thought I thought this was where the audience waited before we were seated that Uh that playboy interview I earlier in the week we had steven pearl on the show And I I saved my first calendar october of 1982 Steven pearl presents. It was me kurt welden and somewhere in storage in los angeles is this framed calendar becky rebecca erwin put put me on and Uh tape to the calendar is a piece from that playboy interview with robin williams. So it's It's a it's the calendar And then there's I don't it's too personal for me to talk about it but there is a quote that I cut out from playboy from robin that I Glued to that calendar and That and that is my penis Everything flows from from that. Yeah, everything I got all the blood goes there. That's that everything I have in life Uh Is from the holy city zoo that's where I became well, don't you Don't you feel that when you're learning something new like stand up and you realize why it might be good at this But those are the those are special times no matter where you started A lot of comedians have fond memories of boston or chicago But because and and don't you think that our group is is so tight That we've never lost friendships really unless there was an argument Uh, I don't want to mention that people have passed but monnie hoffman. Anyway, I think that Lots of this never fan of mine, but I did like the guy But this is the fraternity you've been at the bunker together It's like the sandwich disco group in the 80s is so I'm so tight I have dan faint paul who was with murphy faint paul Sue murphy at the time I actually was recording something in the agreement. I have dan and i'm meeting on audiotape Really and we've been we've been friends ever since he was hey I used to do an impression of uh dos dozen hoffman al Pacino and robert denaro in a movie called We're all alike and I just would quote their you know famous scenes. Hey, you look like those guys I go. Hey, what's your name dan? Hi dan? You know, it's just so weird like not have ever since that day What's interesting about yeah mark pitta I'm uh, what's interesting about you many things are interesting about you because I want to talk about the history of the san francisco comedy scene You are one of those people who is hysterically funny And at the same time you love comedy and you're also kind of a historian when it comes to the the scene you really Genuinely love the comedy scene. You are a genuine. I do you you are I'm a little insulted by comedians now who don't even go back and look or here I was at the america the um, like I supposed to call it the great american comedy festival and um Nebraska and johnny's johnny carson's hometown and that eddie brill puts on and did you did you ever meet johnny? I did but I'll get to that in a minute, but I'm at the festival and the Person getting the veterans award was david steinberg david steinberg and he did over He did over 300 tonight show shots, right? So he's on stage with eddie brill and eddie's interviewing him He's telling these great stories and I go into the green room to get some water and all the other comedians The young ones are on their phones And I'm like you're missing something Wow, these stories he had was invaluable my favorite in I don't know if it's famous at this point, but he tells about directing b arthur in golden girls his first directorial succumbs up And he was told that b is very hard to work with all short in the story and that Hard to work. Don't short. Well, he's Okay, well he um He said that he would director like a b instead of saying that line there Why don't you cross the couch sit down and say the line and b arthur would say why In god's name would I do that? Well, it's just a suggestion, you know So at the end of the week she always takes her directors out for a drink because she knows she's hard to do it So she's sitting with david steinberg and says david. Why do people take an instant dislike to me? And david said to save time I Which is a fantastic ad-lib, I mean But the young comedians are like not even listening to these great stories of like, oh like Remember being on stage and hearing another comedian. I think it was don where he was basically doing cosby. Yeah Yeah, it's like what's going on. You know, it's like we know what you're doing. So Well larry miller larry miller remember larry miller the great one of the greatest comics Larry miller larry miller and you hit 70. Yeah One of the greatest comics ever ever Early on He was a little like robber kline. I remember do you remember that? If that you robber kline was definitely an influence on him. Yes Yeah, and then eventually he broke away from that and I remember looking at larry going Well, he's kind of been influenced a little too much by robber kline and then He broke free of robber kline and I would say I don't know why I'm talking about larry miller other than Don where was kind of doing bill cosby Although I don't think he was Doing the thing Well, one time I remember this No, no, no, no, I don't want to gossip No, no, no, this is I witnessed this he said on stage My brother and I think I yelled out rustle because it's just too close, you know My brother rustle because it covers the room where the guy And you go let you give it the pill and you wake up and I got a robot Is that the weirdest thing though that mortall told me that bill cosby was always kind of an angry guy it's kind of sad when your heroes are like torn down so quickly but Um, let me ask you a question. I can't think of any any other way at this point I asked this of robert smigel and gilbert godfried and i'm going to ask you the same question Okay, you the three of you do a perfect bill cosby How do you not talk like that all day if I could do that? I would I I would just talk that way all day How do you stop? I think The al Pacino is was harder for me to stop to be honest with you because you can go to starbucks and order like him And you get it right away because it's very intimidating. I like a tall You get it immediately, right But if you go cosby ordering coffee, it does Let me think of the water but the water It's fun, I feel like a parrot sometimes, you know, I even The challenge is to come up with somebody new and I've been trying just to just to do that somebody new I was thinking of mandy patinkin. Yeah from homeland. Uh-huh. And this is the only impression I have. It's really short Previously on homeland That's all I got I love your laugh David, I think you're listening Listen, I uh people say to me You always praise your guests and you always, you know, you laugh. Yeah, I wouldn't have Why would I be doing this if I didn't have funny people? I'm not gonna put on somebody You know, it's not like I'm Anyway, you know, you don't have to you don't have to fake laugh either Now because you you've been successful and by the way, it's my opportunity to tell you how proud I am of you I think the last time I saw you in san francisco. You were writing for marty short His Broadway homage to myself was it called or no fame becomes me fame becomes me Yeah, and we saw you outside and my wife and I at the time I gotta say at the time now Uh, we saw you and um, I was just happy. I don't know if you remember this but you were writing for his character the old time Irving Cohen show me Irving Cohen. Give me a B. I don't remember this Give me a bounce you see right so you were writing one liners for that, right? So do you remember this that we were in the theater? I'm like in row 10 But you're like in row 25 and he does this joke that bombs and you laugh and marty breaks character in characters Is that you feldman? Then there were two other people laughing because we were the only person to see that knew what was going on But that's how that's all That's how uh flexible that guy was yeah Yeah, he would is that you or I told you that wouldn't work feldman. I told you feldman that wouldn't work Now that I've now that I brought you up and complimented you Yes, uh, one of the things I have on my on my youtube channel is a kpix news report on the rising stars of stand-up comedy And they have footage of you just eating it. Oh, wait, wait. Hang on. Hang on. You're wrong You got you got two things wrong there I first of all, I didn't eat it I completely bombed and tanked it And it wasn't kpix was kron kron Shannon, right? Wayne Shannon. Yes Wayne Shannon, and um, are you sure because there was a lot of news coverage at the time? Okay, I'm because you're on stage at the zoo and you're saying something about evolution and you basically just end up because it's all that you say Well, yeah Evolution is not funny You just kind of like he's you just got to bury it and move on But that's that suckers. That's all they showed of you at that point. Well, you that's that's your you are You have on tape your meeting Dan St. Paul you have always been a collector Of the san francisco comedy scene You I know and I was I was supposed to be the guy to wrote the I suppose I was gonna write a book about it and then because oh you gotta do a documentary and then you got it in there We start losing people but I have I have like the final interviews of uh, Jose Simone um of of john can too You know people like that I have them and I transcribed them but I just didn't know how to work it into a book So I think Why don't you go pot? I have one book I was thinking of just instead of doing a documentary just doing a web series of the stories You know that way you could put a little history in there, but uh, I did meet johnny karson I want to go back to johnny karson for a second because you didn't mention that um When I did his show, of course, I met him after and um The thing about my appearance was when I finished I walked back to the curtain Curtin opens and I walked right through and I thought something's missing I never looked at johnny to get the okay sign from him I just was I don't know. I just froze and then when I meet him. I'm kind of I waited my whole life to get the okay sign. I was trying to give it you didn't look back But if you look at that, but if you look at that You look at it. He actually goes out of his way to mouth great Shot or funny stuff, you know, he made made sure people knew why he liked me And then I said I waited my whole life to get the I was trying to give it to you And then he and then he I shake his hand he leaves and then too much that he comes back And he goes, I hope you come back. Wow, and I wanted to say I have my calendar And then and then jim mccally who booked the comics was really into giving people their first shots when he announced Retirement, so I never got to go back. I did I you know, I did that with jay leno, but I don't jay leno It's easy to do I work with him on the road. So it's like, you know, you're doing his show wasn't that special They're doing johnny with jay Ah, that is weird. I you know Do you have in new york and tana tv where they replay johnny karson shows at 11 o'clock? They don't have that in the bay area went spanish all of a sudden we don't get those But those were great to watch you see guys first shots, you know Now your friends And you're from the future because robert blake is sitting there and you're like, oh, I know what's going to happen to him You know, it's like I'm from the future when that show comes out I wish I smoked dope because I used to smoke dope And watch johnny karson and would be I know that if I were smoking dope now I could feel like I'm In the few I know I could transport myself back to the early 80s or the late 70s convince myself That it's the set and I'm from the future. I it's yeah, I've been watching old rickles The same for me too. I wrote a I wrote a song about rickles I was so upset and I was so inspired That I wrote a song and I performed it uh at the throckmorton on two two tuesdays ago And I put it on youtube And I put it on twitter and I called kevin pollock and I said kevin, I got seven followers I just got back to twitter Did you share this Song about rickles and he does and like by the end of the day I have 500 hits or 400 hits And then I sent one to mendy rickles's daughter There's two versions one is live or I do rickles during the I to the tune of hallelujah. Let her call us And uh, were you saying it as done you saying hallelujah by saying it? I I would say things like hallelujah How much do you wait tiny? You know like hallelujah, is that your wife? Jesus, you know But there's another version I did were actually dropped in rickles during the hallelujahs And I only had 1.9 seconds because he you know, that was that was the Space I had to deal with and he talked really fast. So I got them all in Uh, but yeah, you know, you lose guys like rickles. That's why I like to pay tribute, you know, because People don't know who these his comics are and he's you know He was doing it till the end He was doing it to the end and and that leaves me this question You how do you want to go out David? Why do you know something? I don't know No, but I was thinking of dick. Sean. I'm like that could be kind of cool dying right on stage You know, that could be kind of interesting dick. Sean from the producers comedian died in the mid 80s People thought it was part of his act, right? His son was in the audience and knew something was up. He was the only one right on stage. Yeah I to me Stand-up comedy and comedy is such a denial of death and I just can't imagine it And I don't like to I just don't like to think about it. I just don't you know what I noticed about mill valley though There's a lot of talk. That was almost a letter. That was almost a letter impression You know, that's about mill valley I know when you guys hang out. I don't I can't do impressive. You know, I can do impressions around For me doing impressions, I can do it around loved ones Not that you're not those two people really It requires me to be totally uninhibited And I've worked, you know, it's like to do an impression around you is but you know, who gave me courage to do impressions is robin because Robin You know, I can't even talk about him And and I'll see clips of him To this day and go and be and still be a little envious, you know, just go like But he was not an amazing impressionist Which made him even funnier. It was just you know, I don't be like his I remember watching him do Ed Sullivan Laughing my ass off and going well, that doesn't even sound like Ed Sullivan Which made it even the essence he did like the essence of a lot of people But he never sat probably worked on an impression like some of this too. Yeah, which they don't even that makes him even more miraculous where and and Dana I don't want to get into this conversation Dana Anyway, go ahead. I'm sorry Well, no Dana, you finish that because Dana loves the abstract Once he nails an impression, he abstracts it to the point of like, you know, Bush never said not gonna do it Dana did and not gonna do it eventually becomes not Gat that That's your rate. So he thought it was funny um I don't work on a lot of impressions But my favorite one and no one does not even Kevin Pollack is Robert Duvall And one time I was talking to a friend of mine who is like a second cousin of the great author Pat Conroy I read all of Pat Conroy's books and when he passed away, I said to my Eleanor my friend So I wish I would have met him and she goes you did you were with me We went to Pasadena when he was signing book Beach music and you did Robert Duvall for him from the great Santini and I'm like, oh, that's right And I flashed and like, right. I went up to me. I did remember the great Santini. Of course With Robert Duvall like, you know, uh, what does he say like number 23 comes number 23 goes down. He looks him home You're my sweetest little girl And and he said I remember he said put down a video and send it to me So I did get to meet him, but that's that's my favorite one. You're gonna cry too. You're gonna cry You're gonna cry You can't go down to New York City. Please cut this funny the five families will come after We'll be outcast That's incredible That's I thought once the four seasons the bar and I just froze I never do you ever like to to meet famous people? I always like to be introduced to them I never want to be the guy that goes more, you know You come in contact with a lot of famous people uh I want to ask you a question about impressions when you When you're with when you're hanging out with Robin and Dana And pearl Do you guys just Lock into like is it conceivable that you will spend the entire day talking like bill Cosby? No, but that I'm glad you asked that I was with Dana And Hey, Dana throw on grizzly man. Okay the Warner herzog documentary About the guy who lives with the bears, but Warner herzog narrates it And so I start talking like herzog then Dana start talking like herzog. Okay, we would not stop Because the guy had that like You know Shredwell thought the bears were nice to cuddly kind with the buttons for the eyes But they thought of him as dinner But you have to say the word bears And then we're watching the Beatles documentary eight days a week by Ron Howard and and during that I go Oh the Warner herzog say about this Dana and Dana goes Even though Ringo would stand up to drum, but he could not compete with Paul You know that we just That would be ours of doing that Then no one no one's gonna like where where's the next Warner herzog impression nobody cares, but But that's one of the funny things about being with hanging with comedians You could just riff without a podcast being recorded or without A documentary film maker. He just happened to find right right. I I guess Maybe because i'm afraid of Doing cosby and not being able to turn it off I I really I I think if I could talk like bill cos I know this sounds insane But if I could do that I I would just be especially now I would I could there's a reason I cannot do Cosby do you have to study? I mean, how do you do it? How do you how do you? I think it's like a person who can sing on key. We have an ear for music We have an ear for impressions and you know now that you say that it happened It did happen with Dana again. We were driving to a casino Right outside the border of utah And and Dana's talking to the driver and he goes who who was here last and they said bill cosby and Finds out that Dana's coming next and he goes call me later and tell me how the boy draws Like he's got like a competition to go. So we would just do cosby the whole time And I heard that cosby had to have cookies By his he wouldn't sleep in the hotel room He would sleep in the meet and greet room on the couch because he didn't like the colors in his room And he would have to have like 15 chocolate chip cookies outside his door with milk and he would know he would know there's only 13 It's like all these eccentric things you find out about people It's like the albert brook story. Well, hang on for one second. Hang on You know, I've heard a lot of things about bill cosby in the past couple of years But this cookie story, you know what I cannot Watch you broke it. Yeah, that's it now. I'm done with A famous story. Uh, albert brooks's wife's mother lives in mill valley So they were here for some kind of birthday for her and mortis all was playing the throck Jesus christ, how do you I'll never for what hang on for one second Everybody's got to go to the throck morton in mill valley. I haven't been there in a couple years But I do remember it being like that. I just remember going you too Rob bryne what's rob reiner do, you know, that it was just I know it's crazy Go ahead. I remember I remember you on stage there. You were creating such tension Leading to this pedophile joke and you could just see the speakers closing and people and you you broke them by saying God, I hope this is funny at the end, you know But that's the that's the essence of comedy you create this tension and release the tension And you did it without without with an ad lib, but it's like people are like, don't do it. We're all parents Right, right But so getting back to albert albert brooks walks over to the theater because mortis all is playing that particular night I'm upstairs in the balcony and then I go down to the green room after the show and albert walks in I'm like, holy cow The reason I'm doing comedy just walked in the room and I'd met him before but he was hilarious in the green room and And it turns out that he's great in green rooms and parties, but he doesn't want to go on stage anymore But there's this famous story of rob reiner's party And and albert's holding court for like 20 minutes and breaking everybody up And he kind of says, thank you. Good night. He goes to the next room Two hours go by rob saying goodbye to somebody at the door and in the bushes. He hears rob rob What it's albert. What are you doing? I left my coat in there, but I did so well I didn't want to go back That's fucked up He is very interesting in that he started doing the tonight show now think about this for a second You did the tonight show with johnny, right? Oh, yes, I did that is correct And uh, it is bill cosby there Bill I know the tonight show when I was a young man in a pervert And how many weeks did it take you bill cosby to prepare for your Carson shot? All right, so it was a big thing for you. Well albert brooks bill was Never performed in front of an audience he performed at Rob I never did that. No, I didn't have a phone for my friends. I knew it was funny That's what I would do. He would call his friends and if they laughed he knew it was funny and he'd do it on the show And rob reiner carl reiner the father said to johnny karson. You have to have this guy on your show And oh and albert brooks went from somebody's living room into 40 million living rooms I read that part in carl reiner's book about albert as a teenager doing houdini's son And all he has around his wrist is this thin little I'm probably not saying this, right? He's like He's held his wrist together by a piece of string Barely made into a loop to hold it there and he goes behind a curtain and he cannot get it off as houdini's It's this whole thing like does this thing I'll be with you in a minute You know, it's just you gotta read the carl reiner's book on that But uh, yeah albert was very conceptual. What's interesting about Just going from a living room. We're calling your friends and then just going directly to the tonight show We have jeremiah tower on the show today and he was talking about absolute taste You know how musicians have absolute pitch He has absolute taste and he wrote a he wrote a cookbook With all the ingredients and how to prepare the meals without ever testing it And I remember denis miller getting a special ready And I said, we're you know, we're you doing this and it's found out. I don't need I don't need to Test it in front of an audience. I'm not Not a hack like you If I think it's funny, it's funny And then he cries the bell before I thought I had to do that. I've been out of the business back in the Uh, that that is genius where you can just Yeah, already. Yeah, you know it already Well, have you ever written a joke and you laugh and this is gonna kill them that it doesn't you're just shocked And the other hand I do a joke in my act. I don't even like and it gets a big laugh Like I don't know why this is funny But yeah, it's in 2006 2006. I wrote the greatest joke ever Jerry Lewis had a birthday today He's 80 Right, I go oh I and I did it backstage at the ice house. I came up with it at the ice house And everybody was going that's amazing. That's gonna kill. It was one of their anniversary shows and I open with it He's 80 nothing Nothing this sounds like lady. Yeah, I know but no and somebody said to me well He's 80 which means most of the people in your audience don't know about lady They don't know. Yeah, I know how famous do you have to be ever see the footage of martin and lewis Throwing their autographs down to 53rd street and you're just it's like the Beatles. There's just packed How do you get to be that famous? That's why I think jerry today has the right to be curmudgeoning about Stand up and and all it's because he was that famous you can't I've told you I've told you this I open for you David Schuber and I open for you You in the bay area This was when we were all single The women it was it felt like a hard day's night. It really did the women were chasing after you And you we had to go from the green room to a restaurant in old sacramento And we had a run and I felt they weren't running after I felt like ringo and you were paul We were running away from female fans What is that like to actually do it band? Huh? Cue the band those were the days Well, let me ask bill cosby that question. But we have bill cosby online bill. Are you there? He left he left the room. I was gonna ask him what it's like to have women just Like just follow Over me because the water I give first Hey, you know, I don't want to quote other comedians without giving them credit But dana carvey has a great joke on cosby because what if he just was old and he just got the the order wrong Do I give her the pill and then touch the titty or touch the titty and give her the pill? Dana carvey quoting dana carvey He's leaving because no I appreciate that but at the time now you're probably you know, I never dated in high school I had one girlfriend in high school for three weeks and that was it So I didn't know until I got into comedy Then when I got up and I do jokes about being single I would get off stage and then women would approach me And then I started hanging out by the door when they left. Hi. Good to see you. Thanks for coming So one girl would say like wow, you're cute. I go. Would you like a drink? And that's that then I got the confidence to pick up women But back then it was it was a it was it was just amazing. It was fun, but I don't know how to end after that other than it was new to me and I took advantage of it Yeah No, that must be you know, uh, my my mind is wandering to a time when the women who Walked up to comics after a show weren't crazy One comedian I remember I won't say his name, but he turned down the girl because he was sore That's how much he was getting at the time Ouch There was a time when and I'm I maybe it's it's a it's an age There there was a time When when we were starting out that the women who were attracted not to you. You're a whole different other story I mean But there were women Who were attracted to regular comedians and they weren't crazy As you as you get older The women who are attracted to oh, by the way, that's not that's not true. That's well That's a that says something about my instinct like why did I pick that person when they turned out so strange? Was it me? Am I not am I not judging people correctly? But I had a female friend I have one of those friends That is female, but she's like a guy in that I could tell her anything and there's no sexual tension or anything And she said well when you're with the women they all want to think you're in love with them So if you go with that premise, they would probably prepare you For when things get a little weird Well, hang on hang on hang on but stay stay on that for one second. So women Think you're in love with them or they want you to be women want you to think that women want to think you're in love with them So eventually okay, and does that's what my female friend said And are they in love with you? That's the part where You know you're talking to a guy that's going through a divorce and I thought my life my wife was in love with me And you're like if someone's in love with you, how could they act that way later? You know, so it's kind of sad. I wish you're the best, you know, uh, but Do you think men? Do you think men? Yeah, I know the answer this question men Need women more than women need men. Is that a fair statement? I wish it wasn't I wish it wasn't that way But is that that's true, right? I think so. I think it has to do with men want to be validated by the opposite sex If they're heterosexual, you know, right So and and what a women some men some men need other men if some women need other women Yeah, but what do women want That's a book. Isn't that a title of a book? Yeah, but what what do they what what do they want? Uh, more saw would say men want the love and women want the I don't know that old-fashioned protection security thing Does that still exist? with women wanting and in achieving uh Heights of of like, you know David bail me out on this. I'm trying to like so mort maintains mort sol the father of mom or loves Mort loves love right. He's a romantic. Yeah Very much so he has every movie he's ever written is about love and yeah, that's where he goes. Yeah, and yet his comedy Is politics and love of america and he gets up and movies and movies. He loves movies. That's where mort and I bonded I'm not very political so we bonded with movies like the other day I was with them when I said I received my my uh Darling clementine and he doesn't say yes or no. He just starts quoting it Henry fauna walks in says the bartender are you married? He goes. Nope. I've been a bartender my whole life He just had these clips these little tiny pockets of dialogue. He remembers And then I would throw him a couple. See like that's me because we both like tcm Um, yeah, but yeah, he loves love and and he you know right now He's he's turning 90 and you're he's like, where are they where are these women? I'm married that you know vowed to be in love with me. He's still disappointed His first wife was interviewed for this. This biography is coming out about mort on may 1st I don't know when people are listening to this and I don't I haven't read it yet. So I don't know what his first wife says but mort goes Yeah, my first wife said every day married to mort was a nightmare and mort said even the shopping Is So he's still He's still got his guts loaded Somebody should do a move. I mean he would mort Wow gona mill valley and just hanging out with you and mort saw Wow, well if you want to see mort every thursday, he's on periscope at seven p.m Pacific standard time and through twitter as well So people ask questions through twitter and you'll be watching more and all of a sudden Albert brooks will come on or jud apatow or alex baldwood. These people are really They love to listen to them, but there's and there's something to be said for Living that long you have to have more knowledge of everybody else, you know, so he'll quit on twitter Is it mort sol says on twitter? Yes. Yes, and on the seven o'clock you could click that and go right to periscope I just go right to periscope Like the other day I was sitting there actually was sitting there watching it And you know everybody wants to talk about lenny bruce because he's you know, he's he's the messiah And but it's more like it's more but it's more it more it really is more it's more it more it is everything Mort is the ur text Of comedy it all begins With mort sol it just does it really does Because that style still exists today and it holds up if you go back if you go back And listen to him from the fifties It's It's amazing He has a great joke and I don't know if it's going to translate now But when he was at the carlile in new york and did cavitt introduced him I was in the audience and then he takes questions from the audience now I kind of set him up because they just like the joke I go. What is your favorite political movie? And he goes three days of the condor at the end Redford is there clipp robertson The right at that building there at the new york times building and he says I told him a story And clipp robertson says and this is the joke. He goes now everybody on the east side is going to know Who reads the post and who reads the yeah, yeah Now everybody on the upper east side is good. Yeah Yeah, I was at dinner with mort recently and he sneezed violently twice No, this big sneezes and I said that really shakes up doesn't it mort says that's the closest to death. I've been all day Because he knows that when you sneeze everything stops for a split second your heart everything does it really Yeah, that's why it's a brilliant joke. I just I was funny too. The way you did. I'm like, oh, yeah, that's true They say that everything stops for a quick a second. Yeah Anyway, maybe that's why it feels so good Don't you feel grateful that you're in a business where you get to meet and hang with people like this Like the fact that I got to know robin Williams the last 10 years of doing the throck more. I saw him every week We'd have coffee during I would have coffee with mort and robin At teats in tiberon And you're like what did I ever think this was going to happen and because I used to hang around ball players I know not to be It's you know nervous around them. I'd just be cool, you know and uh It was that was insane and then I got to I got to meet like when robert kline was here He's here because I go I like to see robert kline. So he just booked him And he did hour 45 on stage. I'm not lying two hours in the green room Just holding court with good comedians. Oh, yeah, tell them great stories Wow So, you know, and I got to meet george carlin and I and I got to meet rickles once and He did a rickles to me but not insulting me. I said Hey, donna mark. I I'm friends with kevin pollock. You guys are in casino together and he gets pollock Pollock, he doesn't know who he has always different voices pain in the ass And I thought okay. I got a little rickles And he was doing we were at pixar and he was doing the voice over for mr Potato head for a particular oscar Ceremony where they're under the seats mr. Mr. Potato head of the seats and they have to talk about best actress So this is dawn doing his vo And this is exactly how he did it. He couldn't say gwyneth paltrow Yeah, there's a lot of good actresses that gwyneth pop. I'm sorry start again that gwyneth pop. I'm sorry one more time That's good. Actually that gwyneth pop. Oh, jeez. I hope she doesn't win I got to I got to see dawn being dawn, which is fantastic I met don I met martin Oh, good. I met my story My story is very quickly because I've told it a million times on this show is I made a bad joke and he says only jew in the room and he ain't funny And I went to when he passed that's it. There is nobody now that will ever say what we feel Yeah, yeah, you know, I when I wrote that song about him one of the lines was about being pc and how He stuck by what he did and the audience that paid already knew What they were going to get so you don't go to being shocked you go there hoping to hear what you want to hear Saying what you feel that's so interesting Saying what you feel addressing the elephant in the room That's what he did. That's what that was so amazing to watch him, especially on karson It was totally in the moment. He would pick up whatever the energy was and address it Not really saying anything quotable. He would he would address the energy that was right in front of everybody Yeah, he was he was dialed in one and my favorite one is on youtube now Glenn cambell and don deli. Uh-huh. Yep. They're don don was talking about a and glenn cambell can't keep his mouth shut And glenn cambell. I think is drunk or something but But when he says, you know I'll just cut to the chase don rico says about his wife. My wife just goes in the bedroom goes Got a minute There's this pause and you see johnny and johnny already knows what he's gonna say and he's holding He's holding and then johnny says well, uh, at least your wife knows about your stamina You know, it's just like Or you know, you're staying power. You know, you're staying power You're like, man, you cannot get this on tv anymore. Why because nobody moves down on the couch one You had this dynamic of peter fondis sitting next to gore of a doll and you're like, how is that ever gonna happen again? Then I missed that when nobody stays on the couch. Why don't they stay on the couch anymore? What is that? I don't understand why where do they have to go? It's only 20 minutes left in the show, you know Let's have letty gaga sitting next to you know, uh, ronnie lotter. No, yeah I don't help but you know, it's just there's something that could happen from that, you know Every why are we running hollywood david? I think everybody is a star and everybody is controlled by a publicist who is Going overboard to protect their client And so they become like mobsters and they'll just say now they'll say no no glenn camble can't stay While don rickles glenn has to leave you you know, we're doing you a favor and you can only have glenn for 20 minutes That's uh, that's how it works These days you're gonna have to answer first on tino carlo. Yeah, the uh, sorry By the way Now alba chino is michael at the end of godfather says to carlo Argini stared to tie his dad today handle all family business. So I have Who approached you was it to tie your pazzini? Why does carlo answer? They're already dead There he's not gonna get any confirmation soon as he says one of the names. He's dead. They're like, I don't know He's just I don't know. He's so fucking How many times how do I get on the carlo rant? But no because there are I've had to give up the godfather for three years I've not watched the guy that was watching it every night on my phone And when you watch it on your phone, you see everything people say, how can you watch the godfather on your phone? They say no when you watch it on your phone, you can see every shot And you begin to see continuity problems. You begin to see You know, if you watch the godfather 5000 times every night It doesn't hold up. Well, well, we all know that well, we We all know that sonny mith is punching carlo About a mile, you know, he's a foot away. We know that but continuity problems are all throughout movie history I like I like movie mistakes That are Just specific like my favorite one is north by northwest Where even mary st Shoots carry grant in the united nations cafeteria And it's just shocking thing she pulls a gun out and shoots him and it's shocking to everybody But the kid in the blue shirt dead center right before she shoots him He puts his fingers in his ears because it's probably take number six And that is it's dead center. So you can't miss this kid. It's terrible. That's interesting. Yeah, that's a good one Speaking of my favorite one else. So go ahead. Oh, I was just gonna say there's a huge continuity problem in the godfather It's called godfather three Okay, that's the continuity problem Go ahead. I'm sorry There are parts of three I like I know I know I know me too But you know, it was wine owner rider in that role and she got a nervous breakdown and sopia copa step dead Hey, there are parts of godfather three that I think about all the time There are actual scenes, you know, especially the vatican banking story And I always thought george hamilton was underutilized in that movie It's like probably george hamilton's best role the idea that they would have him as a consigliari was genius Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, it was it was it was sad though that you know, duval wanted the same billing the same money, you know, what are you gonna do? I don't like that one sequels do that but uh, it's like the soap operas now the role of thomas we've played by, you know, what? So so let me ask you one more question before we wrap this up and that is uh, have you ever written a treatment? Yes film Yeah, okay. Is there a secret to it? I've been approached to write one And I actually signed up and it's only 90 dollars I signed up for the david mammoth master class Because I just need a little guidance. I had this great idea. I've already pitched it. The people are really excited but they need it on paper and you know Register with the guild and all that You know when it's stolen But I don't know how to write one Go get final draft It's a screenwriting program right and they have Within there there's an application for treatments and once you see the structure And it's they have the template you just start filling it in and and okay. Yeah and You know the log line and then it's and uh Yeah, I what do I know about movies? I don't know. Well, it's actually I was really inspired by a few the betty davis john cropper thing on sx I'm like, gee. I always want to see a movie about blank. I don't want to say it because you know I'm doing it and and um, it's a biopic, but the person who owns the rights Loves the idea right now. Does steve harvey does he host that fx series? The few it's one of the ones he doesn't I think it's just Mark pitta, uh, we you know, we we just scratched the surface. We really did because You're right. We have to wrap it up. There is a history to san francisco So many great comedians came out of san francisco You know and we're drawn to san francisco, you know, you know, there's a generous from new orleans You know, hey, winnie brown kevin pollack. Well, quote. That was san jose uh, but you know The solometer brothers from boston, you know, it's just it was just kevin meanie dana ghoul dana carvey jake joe hansen robin williams paula poundstone Um, you know rick, right? I mean, you know whoopee goldberg and it goes on and on and then it kind of stops Kamau bell Mm-hmm kevin avry. Oh All right, you could say, uh, you know who I saw At the throck morton who ate it mark curry. She knew she ate it. Yeah mark curry This is woman in ali wong that I I've seen her progress From when she started and now she has like I think something, you know on netflix And you're like I just I love watching people grow And then it's sad to see when a person is every time they're on stage They do word for word with it the last time so they're not working on their act, obviously But it is fun to see the progression of people And ali wong is coming to new york. I jeff wills Just yeah, that's the one yeah, and she's that big, huh? Yeah, and she's really I mean, you know, it was it was all she bombed and then the next time you could Saw all the work she put into it And she killed and controlled the crowd and it was you know, well, how long has she been doing it? I don't think like eight years. Wow the guests. Do you see jeff wills at all? Never. Yeah, I never seen him either. I should have him on this show, right? You would have some stories boy when you talk about this is a guy Who took a job at fox not fox 20th century fox john and an fox booking the punchline He booked the pot, you know, he booked the punchline And turned that into the biggest comedy Booking franchise in the world. I mean he's live nation. He's he created before jeff wills Comics didn't play theaters Yeah, right Do you remember when the punchline if you went through the kitchen? You're connected to the old wall dwarf, which was another bill Graham club Buck and roll And I'm am seeing it's me Carrie snow and bobby slayton Now bob fisher who kind of looked like a young harvey kytel Was the doorman and he goes and I get off stage I bring up kerry and bob goes, you know, rory orberson's next door I go can I go see some of that? Yeah, so I go through the kitchen. I'm watching war orberson sing pretty woman Leah And then I'm going to leave in dreams and any things, you know running scared I'm like, I gotta watch running scared, you know, and then I go through the Kitchen back to the punchline and bob fisher is on stage introducing Bobby slayton because I stayed a little too long at the But that's how it's fun. It was back then you could sneak in Paul prudhomme came bill Graham brought him, you know tying all this, you know taste About food into your podcast He came he's the first guy to bring paul prudhomme and we remember There was this big thing of the old order but the comics were eating alligator soup because they sent them over, you know Wow Yeah, I know well, let's let's I can't believe I tied I tied up your previous guest with my my portion Mark pitta, how do people get in touch with you? 415 I need work I don't know just do you have a twitter handle mark Yeah, I'm uh, I'm road comic three And I'm on facebook, but I only you know what I did on facebook as I only friend people I've met Because when I'm reading about people on face, I want to know the person So I don't want just to read 50 things from people. I don't know so but yeah, twitter I'm very few followers. I went off for a couple years and kick back on But uh, go to my youtube page. I have a lot of fun videos I post if you like comedy and you can see david feldin talking about evolution. Wow mark pitta. It's been too long I miss you. That's a good thing. It is about pot. You know when I listen to you talking to larry It's like well, you're in the room with me so it feels good to have friends back Yeah, stay on the line. Hang on for one second. Thank you mark Hey my buddy Scott regowski has a great show called running late with scott regowski may 1st mayday mayday mayday 8 p.m at the slipper room. That's 167 orchard street in new york city Guess who scott regowski is going to have on his show dick cavett dick cavett Along with impractical joker sal volcano and the best shows tom sharpling tickets are 12 bucks in advance 15 dollars at the door Running late with scott regowski may 1st 8 p.m the slipper room 167 orchard street new york city dick cavett You're listening to the david feldman radio program. You said pathetic hump Uh, I'll say if david i'm in new york. Why are you all right doing this? All right, we're rolling by the way. I just want to check my levels It's very sad that I have to do all this but my producer alex brazil He's in he's in spain right now I can yes i'm doing everything by myself and By the way, he lives at 501 clingston street in edgewater new jersey. He leaves the back door open and He's got a tycob rookie card Framed above his bed if anybody wants to take take a look at it. It's I love that you just put his personal dress on You know, I I know that he would want people to come to his place 501 clingston avenue back door Wide open. He's away for two weeks and there's a tycob rookie card above his bed and everybody should see it Hey, are you still there? Yep. I'm here, man. This is exciting. This is so exciting. The white house correspondence dinner is tomorrow saturday Hassan minage from the daily show. What are you doing? Nothing Did you just shut what are you doing? Oh, I closed the window. Sorry about you closed the window Yeah, that's a good thing because well, you know, a lot of people Defenestrate in the middle of an interview with david feldman Don't take it so personally david. I was trying to make it better. Oh, okay, but if you do defenestrate Uh, hold on to the phone so we can hear we had brody stevens brody stevens peed on the show last week Perfect. There you go. So if you at least I was not I was only defenestrated. I mean, yes Not even yeah, I'm not even in the same league. Many people accuse me of chronic defenestration and This is why nobody listens to my show Can I do the can I do the introduction? Please without you jumping at the window? Please. Please. Thank you. Thank you What was that? What was that my apologies? What was that sound? That that was me apologize Yeah, but there was like the okay the what? You opened the window again, didn't you? There are two windows open. I closed one This is turning out to be the greatest interview I've ever done And we're off to the there you go. Both windows are not closed. Okay, we're now we will not hear we will not hear the ambient Parking sorry the honking of new york city anymore. All right 15 minutes into the interview It's now time for my audience to know who i'm talking to the white house But what about the defenestration you forgot about addressing that You know what? I'm gonna jump out the window if you don't be quite the white house correspondence dinner is tomorrow saturday Hasan minaj from the daily show will be performing unfortunately I couldn't get Hasan minaj I tried But there's bad blood between me and the daily. I don't know something. I don't know he doesn't return my calls instead We have one of the guys writing for This is about as bad as it gets I also do security for him and i'm his driver and i'm his driver We have a His writer ujjur uzman. He's a comedian actor and writer He's one of the stars of the new amazon series patriot, which has been renewed for a second season He's toured over 25 countries as a comedian Dave chappelle calls him untouchable, which is why Ujjur has opened for davis. Other you keep you keep fucking it up, man. It's other But that's all right. W. Go ahead, please. Azar. Azar Yes, I just I just want to make it the worst introduction at this point In the history of the davis felman podcast Dave chappelle. Dave chappelle calls azar ujjur He calls you ujjur behind your back And that's where you got it from. I got yeah, and he calls you he calls Azar untouchable Untouchable I don't know if this is a fake laugh. Are you real laughing? Yeah, but that's all the time we're at. We're all out of time We're all out of time. Thank you. Wonderful to be with you Thanks for doing this. I really appreciate it. I really appreciate it So thank you for doing this. So let's start off with the white house correspondence dinner How do you sleep at night? Supporting yeah, it's been very difficult to be honest with you, but it's wrong It's immoral the white house correspondence dinner is immoral and you shouldn't be going there even if trump isn't showing up Well, how do you how do you figure that it's immoral because it's self aggrandizement? It's the press Wasting millions of dollars celebrating themselves when they should be out Covering trump covering the crimes that are being committed in our name Instead they've turned this into their own academy awards Aren't we great? And then they then they go. Oh, but we you know, we have a couple of scholarships for for young reporters It's bs. It's got to come to an end and you have to draw a line on the sand my friend and boycott tomorrow's White house correspondence and you you and Hassan get me Hassan on the line He needs to cancel at the last minute and send us. Oh my god. How amazing would that be though? He needs to send a signal that this has to stop It has to stop I don't know how much of this is you being 100% serious. I know that there's some Clearly there's some sincere content behind what you're saying But I feel like it's 90 10 like 90% bullshit 10 percent serious, but I mean look, uh Yeah, to answer your question. How do I sleep at night? I mean, it's not because of the moral dilemma. It's because of the pressure to navigate a freaking minefield of all these competing considerations With all the you know, there's a lot of tension, man. He's not trump's not coming. He's basically prohibited anybody from his administration from attending and so trying to make you know the people in the room laugh but also Keeping an eye towards the fact that anybody who watches it really will watch it online later And how do you write a killer set for that context has been it's been an interesting challenge, man Yeah, I guess you've written you've written for these like award shows and stuff for other people, right? I don't think I ever wrote for a white house correspondence dinner. It's a tough It's a tough one because normally you have to go on after the president Right, which is just a little bit of a little less pressure for that reason. That's one good thing Right, you don't have to follow the president. Although did you go did you see the al smith dinner last year? I feel like I did not see it last year. Well, the al smith dinner for our listeners around the world and we do have listeners around the world Nice The al smith all six of that was six of them all six got it And like and if you seven if you include the former kgb, they listen to everything I do They're listening to everything. Yeah, they listen to everything. So the al smith dinner is held every year at the wall door if it's for the catholic church Al smith was a yeah. Yeah, I did see that. Yes. I did see that with uh, when trump and hillary both went up. Yes Yes, two Go ahead. Sorry. It was remarkable because hillary was You know In the ballpark funny She took some jokes from her writers and she told them and she's not a Intrinsically funny person the way obama was or mccain was funny But she did okay and then donald. He's an expert on everything. He knows everything. So he just got up there He didn't need writers And it was amazing to watch So so tone deaf So wrong so bad Which is surprising because He's got the moves of a comedian when he does one of his rallies Right, he's kind of yeah. Oh, no, absolutely. I remember watching his set on that and thinking like man He just had bad, you know advice from comics or writers because whoever wrote those quote-unquote jokes for him Just didn't play to his strengths and the fact that the guy is already inherently hilarious And it's constantly, you know just being himself. He's funny. He didn't need to dig so hard He really started attacking hillary and just the crowd turned on him really bad Anyway, it was it was a it was a thing of beauty. Yeah watching this guy by him in front of Well, let's address Let's let's address the elephant in the room You are the camel in the room. Well, I was going to make the that the fact that you're indian I am indian and you're on top of an elephant. That was the joke. I was going to go I like the camel in the room better. Let's address the camel in the room Shelly, yeah Go ahead. So You are Muslim I am But You're from indian parents correct And I'm sorry that would be native indian parents, right? Well, if we say native indian it makes people think you're native america. What happened? What did you break? Uh, my boy mo amer is in the room and he's just like a bullet at china shop Dropping things and destroying the property. So he accidentally dropped Something I think he dropped some cologne on the desk But he's leaving the room to make make make some No, he's quiet. He's gonna make noise elsewhere If you're if you're if you live in india And you're indian Yes, you would be a native indian. That is correct. Okay. That is correct And yet and yet you're muslim. So why didn't you move to pakistan? Why didn't your grandparents move to pakistan when lord mount batten? Very good question fair question, man So well first of all, I'll just thank you for being aware of that history And it's so funny to me because uh, you know, I grew up Muslim in the united states complaining to my parents like you have no idea what it feels like to be a minority and they're like Dude, we grew up muslim in india. What the hell are you talking about? Yes, we do know what it feels like to be a minority And it was not until I you know became an adult and ran the numbers and figured out like Though muslims in india are statistically a minority It's such a big country that nominally the actual number of muslims in india Is huge it's like a hundred and something million And there are actually more indian muslims on earth than there are arab muslims combined I didn't know that Yeah, it's pretty insane Okay, let me ask you a question about this. Mm-hmm Is it fair to say that the muslims in india Are doing better Because they're a minority Then they are in pakistan where they're the majority. Is there some empowerment that comes with being a minority? I would say yes and no. I mean the thing is uh muslims in india are You know kind of ghettoized in a lot of ways And there's a lot of poverty, you know, um, hydrobot is probably one of the largest states where there's its significant muslim population And it's you know, um kind of Very similar and analogous to the way in our country We have a very clear Racial divide and access to resources You know the structural aspects of racism that limit access to education housing and economic opportunity Those same phenomena are alive and well across the planet And so you can pick any minority group pretty much anywhere and you'll find a very similar Type of dynamic. So india is no exception to that But you do but you do have very successful muslims living in india Yeah, and that's all I was about to say now having said that that might be the rule But there are definitely you know a number of exceptional cases Where you might have you know people rising to tremendous Other levels of prominence either in business or academia or media or what have you Dave? Hang on. Hang on. Dave Chappelle Called you untouchable Untouchable in india would make you I'm being serious. Of course. I know the cash system. Yeah Well, if you're not going to treat me with respect You have a legal degree, don't you? I do I used to be a lawyer, man Wait, were you an attorney as well? No, I'm but I I'm going through a divorce and I Oh, you are sorry and I and just just you so you know as we go further into this interview I am going to be disrespectful to you That's perfectly fine. Not because I'm jewish and you're muslim It's because You're an attorney Well, all I can say to that is shabbat shalom Do you think boy you really are a sleazy attorney I used to be used to be I'm a recovering I'm a recovering attorney So just so the people listening. This is not resentment that you grew up in skokie as a muslim And your parents Secretly encouraged the nazis to march in skokie. I know the truth Were you were you don't even joke about that? I know were you I know were you were you alive? Were you born yet when they marched in skokie? No, I was not alive when they marched But um, I was born in 1975 Okay, but I do distinctly remember when I learned about the whole history because the skokie public library When I was in I think middle school or high school Had unveiled this holocaust memorial outside the library Which was of course, you know expeditiously graffitied by uh, some neo nazis with uh with uh swastika And then it became a whole of obviously, you know new situation and everybody was talking about it And then in the midst of that whole controversy at that time I for the first time ever just learned about all this incredible history skokie is the subject of uh, you know a landmark um Supreme court case a documentary film made about it a feature film made about it So I was like, oh my god. This is a very historic town And it's interesting to me now as a comic because it's like that whole dispute was over free speech right And it's interesting also that the aclu at that time. This is how the country is completely flipped Represented the neo nazis. Mm-hmm. Well, they still would They still would exactly but one thing right there. They are now their hand. They would represent an colter Who's an original nazi? She's an og They could how we were that be the aclu representing steve bannon as a nazi, but they would I know they would they would well But that's isn't that the heart of the whole argument that's happening Yeah, I have three hate speech free speech. That's the question your honor I would like to control the line of questioning here Please okay, so there are three areas that I want to talk about with you right now I want to talk about and colter freedom of speech So write that down. We'll we'll get to and colter in a second I also want to talk about you saying let's not joke about that you I kind of offended you when I said your parents Invited the supported the neo nazi. Yeah, I want to talk to you about that in a second because that's about Political correctness and who can make jokes and who can't yes But we glossed over something that's really important and that was Lord mount batten after world war two He Was kind of the emperor well not the emperor, but he was in charge of india and He had to solve the problem and the problem was what do you do with? The people of india the hindu and the seaks and the muslims and he I believe After world war two came up with the idea of a partition He said we'll put Are you still there? I'm here. I'm listening. He said we'll put The the hindus and the sea over here and we'll create pakistan and put all the muslims over there Is that how it worked? Well, okay I'm not going to pretend to be an expert on the political intrigue that took place at that time As to what led to the partition because tell me about all right then It's out did did lord mount batten's wife bang nehru That I can confirm what the hundred percent certainty happened. She was bang. She was banging. No, I'm just kidding. I have no idea, man Oh lord mount batten lord mount batten's wife was in india and she was banging nehru Nehru is that really confirmed or is that's an absolute truth? And mount batten was the one who introduced queen elizabeth to prince phillip And the the last name of the royal family should be mount batten But they went with they went with windsor which was like a slap in the face to lord mount batten Who had a big influence on prince charles and lord mount batten was killed by the ira And the police are coming to get us because I know the truth. Yeah, I can hear that This is crazy. Okay. Wow. I well I need to look into this a lot more. Let me just say that India pakistan partition obviously is you know is and probably will remain, you know a hot button very sensitive kind of uh political sensitivity On both sides and then of course the religious component to it, you know makes people even more hyper sensitive But I'll just tell you that I've heard too many Different theories and you know stories behind the stories of what really happened and why did the partition happen? And who wanted it to happen and what were the commercial interests behind it? Etc. Etc. So I I I'm just gonna go on this one and say I don't really know what happened I just feel like I feel like I feel about partition kind of the way I feel about 9-11 Like I don't know what really happened, but I know I don't believe the official story But it was an outside job I don't know what really happened. No the partition was an outside job Well, I mean that's the thing. There are just theories about um, you know political intrigue between uh, Johar Alon Nehru and uh, what's his name? Um, you know Mount baton No, the founder of uh, Pakistan. Um Oh my god, uh, this is so embarrassing that there are versus Um, what's they call him? Um, uh stan Stan that's right stan Uh, what is it wisenthal? No, um stanley wisenthal Stanley wisenthal, I think of course you think they're gonna trust a muslim Just started there on their own cut. You think the you actually think the pope is catholic They had to bring a jewin Do you think wait wait wait, you don't know about bin laden being jewish It was ben ben lad Benjamin laden come on. You think you think the saudi arabians those princes are going to trust one of their own To pull up something as complicated as 9 11 Originally it was 9 12 Originally it was 9 12 they said for you 9 11 Actually it would have been 9 10, but they're always a daily Let's move on first. I joke you said don't even joke about that Well, you know what it is. It's not that I could I could care less I could I could take the joke I'm afraid the problem is If people don't get the joke then it get the joke is is out of the context And you know context is everything And so sadly, you know, we say I would say sadly My own I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you about my own self now You know my own awareness and hyper awareness around You know growing up in skokie man my whole life I've been around jewish people and have developed almost kind of like a I'm an honorary member of the tribe, you know, like Nazi jokes Uh hitler jokes, you know people in our culture. I feel like in america oftentimes Without really the proper context will engage in some of these jokes, right? And even if the joke on it, you know, just In itself is a funny joke. It's a might be a well-constructed joke But it's just highly insensitive where it's done in a way that doesn't Acknowledge, you know, the the the energy and the feeling and the emotion behind it And I've come to the conclusion david That You know context is everything and also intention is everything right Intent of the speaker. What is that called? Is that mens rey? What what what is what is the What mens mens rey right the the um in the law it's sort of the the the criminal mind the criminal intent That's more in the criminal context, right? But just the subjective intent Of the speaker what's in their heart when they're saying x y or z Never gets talked about man in in in the debacles that happen when comics Do edgy jokes and then end up offending somebody and then turns into a situation And then they're pressed to apologize We never end up discussing or exploring The subjective intent and that's me. That's a me. Yeah, but that to me is why censorship is so important And then why i'm for censorship Listen the great thing about the great and i'm here. Here's a just By you laughing. I just proved a point i'm about to make and i'm being serious okay We need censorship because i can say whatever i want on this show And as long as people are laughing it's okay And what's happened is people like and cultur And rush limbaugh Will always say when they're caught Saying something horrible. I was joking. I was joking and once they say I was joking then the intent Is not to hurt But to entertain So I do believe that And i'm being serious Censorship in a civilized society Civilized society There's a reason we don't talk a certain way Because we might offend somebody inadvertently That's why language I sound so kind of descending right now to my audience, but Language is important words. We choose are important. That's why we have grammar police. That's why we have dictionaries That's why we have laws And in a civilized society And it used to be this way We don't make racial jokes. We don't make ethnic jokes We don't do that In a civilized polite society because it might offend somebody But as the country gets dumber and dumber The only wit At our disposal Is ethnic humor racial humor And then we wrap it around the first amendment as though it's something important instead of just plain stupid Well, I mean It's an interesting take. I don't agree that the conclusion of it is we need censorship I think that you might your diagnosis might be on but maybe your Your uh prescription is off Well, you know Because we kind of can't tell you why because you know Everything you just said about you know, we don't do that in a civilized society. Well, first of all People do do that. They just do it behind closed doors. That's okay Okay, that's okay. So okay, so then that so you're saying censorship In the public sphere we need to limit public speech I'm saying First of all, I don't know if I believe this and that's the danger of people like anculture and rush limba Saying things spitballing running up the flagpole to see if anybody salutes. The problem is I'm just thinking out loud And I shouldn't be thinking and I shouldn't be thinking out loud You should not because because look the the question Of censorship, right? This is at the heart. I would say of really what what the whole world is fighting about You know, what does it mean to be a free society? And if you sacrifice one of the most cherished cornerstones of a of a free liberal open society, which is free speech By trying to limit what people can say you have literally sort of cut the legs out from underneath the very basis of Why we are a free speech culture or why we are a first amendment culture? Now, let me say this though I agree that Hate speech is a problem But what we have not resolved as a society as a culture and as a civilization is Is hate speech? Still free protected speech or not if it's not we have to figure out what constitutes hate speech And that's where the rubber meets the road because it's highly contested ambiguous and Virtually therefore impossible to resolve but a civilized hang on for one second Again, I Emotionally, I believe this not intellectually but almost intellectually. I believe this A civilized society Knows what hate speeches remember the definition of pornography, right? I know when I see it. I know it when I see it What has happened is the right wing The conservatives have been hijacked by racists by people who believe Yes, that the confederacy should have won the civil war the so-called alt-right. Yes, it's been hijacked and they've Turned everything into subjectivity And everything revolves around the first amendment a civilized society Has arrived at truths Like slavery is wrong you don't you you don't uh, persecute arabs and The mexicans a civilized society knows what's wrong and what's right and so you can you can know but you can you can you can Um, oppress arabs in israel That's okay Well You're a lawyer, you know that it's complicated. No, no you fight like a woman. You know that you're not a lawyer You know, hey, let's let's let's start talking about bro. This is the conversation that america needs to have there are two Conversations that the alt-right has has forced on america, but you brought up isra I want to go back to an colter and the first amendment. Let's stay let's stay on stay in america stay in america Because mexicans and arabs you can't oppress arabs and mexicans you can't No, i'm talking about an colter's right to speak at berkeley. First of all, she's being paid $20,000 by the yaf and bridge usa So it's not free speech. She's doing it for $20,000. She's doing it To provoke berkeley, you know of all the places to speak in the bay area wide berkeley She's doing it to to as a cause celeb and It costs $20,000 for her to come on campus And then the protests and then the protection For what purpose to increase the value of her quote-unquote brand Sure. I don't want any part of it. And we all know what this is about. It's not a slippery slope She is a vile disgusting pig. She's a racist She justifies oppression of women of mexicans and arabs In any civilized society She would be recognized as a as a purveyor of hate speech What's the debate? Well, hana, but I would argue that first of all everything you just said is true You're you're on a you're on a podcast right now with me saying that she is a vile You know a racist etc. So she is being reviled The only thing we're arguing is should it be illegal? Should she not should should it be outlawed that she is not allowed to publicly say You know i'm the i'm the chancellor of berkeley. Yes. I know we get we get public it's a public school I get it. So the first amendment is a play here because public funding Yes, but as I as a as a As a radio show as a podcast i'm free to say You're not allowed on my show and that's not a violation of her first amendment They're being they're being slippery using the first amendment because you see berkeley is using Government funds So it's a first amendment issue, but otherwise it's not a first amendment issue I mean look here's here's what it comes down to i think this i mean this is a never-ending oceanic Discussion right people have been debating this for Hundreds of years and they will continue to debate if probably for a very long time But I think that the distinction we need to make is What is the behavior we are interested in trying to regulate as a matter of law Versus the behavior we are interested in regulating as a matter of just social courtesy Mores norms etc Everything you said about how a civilized society ought to be You know, we shouldn't it should not be racist. It should not be You know Sexist it should not be xenophobic. It should not be anti-semitic. It should not be Anti-immigrant. It should not be islamophobic. It should not be all of the things that we as civilized people have come to figure out These are all Isms that are destructive to the type of society that we all want that civilized people want I'm arguing that all of those things as bad as they might be ought to be regulated as a matter of social You know Custom and mores, but they should not be turned into Matters that we want to regulate as a matter of law When it comes to speech, you know, you can say racist things But you cannot but the law will Regulate your your action and not enable you to implement, you know, racist policy for example as an employer Or whatever you so we have tried the the country We've been trying to figure out How where to draw that line and I would argue that the line is kind of moving. That's the part of the problem Is you know Is I come back to it is hate speech free speech? Yes or no And if it's not then we have to define it what constitutes hate speech And that's you know, good luck figuring that out. That's almost impossible You know, we have to wrap it up and you'll come back and I'll give you the last word and we didn't even touch the surface of Because your introduction was so long Money Citizens unionization. Yes citizens united. They tell us that money is speech if money is speech everything is speech and heckling is speech And saying to ant colter you can't come on my campus is speech Everything is protected the first amendment protects everything if money is speech Then I'm free to spend my money any way I want and ant colter is getting $20,000 To speak at berkeley. She's not being paid by berkeley. She's being paid by right wing Provocatores who could have chosen any place on earth to pay her $20,000 to speak And they they chose berkeley because Milo, yapanapolis Try to speak there in in february or january and a riot broke out And that's what The right wing wants to do they want to create a riot on campus in berkeley And I'm looking at what's going on with the trump administration and the epa Being denuded of its regulatory rights And i'm thinking do I really need to be discussing This cow This bulimic hateful baron Half human half harpy wanting to speak on the campus at berkeley I thought we destroyed her on the comedy central roast. Why is she rearing her ugly butt? And why are we discussing her? I'm so tell me how you really feel I'm so tired of this first amendment argument. You know what it is. It's an argument for people who are lazy It's a lazy argument. There's a tax plan That that has to be addressed There there is a russian oligarch who is Taking over our election and we're still discussing whether or not Ann colter has the right to speak at berkeley. Who cares? Yeah, but okay, I can agree with everything you just said but to me It's like the solution to this problem is not that we should therefore censor her It's just we shouldn't talk about it. Let the let them try to be provocateurs Who is who is deciding that this is a new story? That is going to end up on the front page of yahoo news Lazy people like me who lazy people like me who have trump fatigue And they have to do and I have to do a show. I have to do a show I have to do the show and I'm when I read about the tax plan. I get so depressed The only thing that energizes me is an colter It's lazy. It's lazy Okay. Well then so then that laziness is what we should be banning not not the right to speak I mean, I'm a huge free speech advocate So my argument has always been I became sold on this in law school effect Which is that the solution to bad speech Even hateful speech Is not less speech It's more speech You don't like ain't colter, you know if the right wing and the alt right are putting all these provocateurs in place And and implementing this effective strategy to get more awareness around what they're doing and create, you know situations by By provoking either a riot or a or a negative response by a university which then leads to a new story Where is the counter voice? Where are the people organizing? Speakers on campuses to to refute them to debate these people to you know shame them for the races that they are Where is that narrative? It's like it's so much easier to call for the banning of a book or the burning of a book That it is to write the counter narrative So I feel like yeah, it is laziness and and I'm sort of sick of Social justice warriors that want to complain about how bad the alt right is and how they're it's like, you know what? They're producing these quack public intellectuals. Where's the countervailing voices? You don't like what they're saying refute them in the public open marketplace of ideas. I wish there was more energy put into uh crafting and articulating convincing counter arguments and counter Figures, then there is put into just, you know, rah rah rah Screaming and shouting and yelling and trying to shout down shout down people and in this country They how often are you asked? to appear on mainstream media to give a Rational legal opinion Um, not very often and yet you're a lawyer and a comedian Correct, right Yeah, I mean that there you go. I mean it's uh Look, uh, you also know this you're a smart guy all the mass media pretty much You know in the in the united states and really now around the world Is just consistently getting consolidated slowly but surely into the hands of a handful of conglomerates That own all the film studios all the tv channels all the radio stations all the newspapers All the magazines all the book publishers all the billboard companies It's in the hands of a few people man. So that the narrative becomes so You know narrow and uh, I'm sure you know the stats. I mean trump was given Over five billion dollars of free advertising free media Well, whose decision was that? It's not the public that's deciding that you know It's because executives at media corporate media entities know that trump as much as the hateful as hateful As the shit that he says is He's good for business. You know he when he talked when he when trump brags about my ratings are great You know, he's not talking about celebrity apprentice. He means when I'm on your channel, you're going to make money He recently you know, he recently said there the ratings have never been as high Uh, you know since the towers fell. He said that a couple days ago He's comparing himself to 911 That's a real thing It's insane But but that's what it is ready. He's these guys are making money man cnn You know fox news, etc. You know, they all make money off trump. They air commercials When he when he this weekend, he's going to be doing that pennsylvania rally While the white house correspondents dinner is happening. They're all going to be there Their cameras are going to be rolling. They're going to be cutting the commercials and they're going to be making money So that's also real. Nobody wants to talk about that the so-called left left-wing liberal media The content of what you're saying might be critiquing trump, but you're still talking about Trump They kill you out cut away and spicer and and and like it's just a circus, man Right. We're living in a reality show my friend Well, there have to be twists and turns and it's an it's a reality show. It's also This ongoing perry mason. There's a law and order Factor in that we keep thinking now he's caught. Oh, no, he's not now he's caught I mean, it's so absurd because it's like what else what he's already done Enough evil shit that should have tanked him The guy is teflon man. He he can't he he said it himself I can shoot a guy in the middle of Manhattan and my ratings will go up. It's not prove rating. Go. It's it's not teflon It's like a document dump when you know when the white house doesn't want you to find something at the or in a lawsuit You just pile the opposing council Right with millions with discovery thousands and thousands of documents. They get bogged down going through it and they can't even see the crime There is a document dump going on with trump in that everybody He surrounds himself with Is a criminal so at what point? You don't even know where to begin It's a prosecute and that is really how an autocracy ecliptocracy works. So that's how a latin american banana republic works is that everybody Is corrupt, which means that nobody's corrupt Yeah, man. It's so depressing. I think I agree with you 100 percent. I mean The other the other benefit of you know, if you know more about just the rest of the world I think that there's a you know, the the myth of american exceptionalism that most americans Either consciously or unconsciously just drink up Because you know since you're a kid in this country you're Brainwashed into this idea that america's the greatest country in the world america's country in the world And if you really believe it you start to think that no, we're different the rest of the world operates You know in this very corrupt way, but we're different And trump is just sort of like the guy who just pulled back the curtain and he was like no, we're not that different We're not that different Yeah, we do the same thing as everyone else. We do it, you know, and we accept one indignity after another This is a country that is ruled like you said by a handful of people And their objective is to suck up as much money as possible We all think we're convinced we're a nation of laws until We go through the criminal justice system or the court system or the family law system and you discover Now We're a nation of lawyers not laws lawyers Yeah And but here's the thing I don't want to yeah, I don't want to come look here's here's why I've what I've Concluded about this You know, we all kind of have this ideal in our minds how we wish how we Imagine things ought to be this society of law and order and perfect justice and you know A total meritocracy and everybody is judged based on the content of their character And you know, you get ahead in life because you work hard and you have integrity And that's how the society should work and we imagine that wouldn't it be great if that We could live in a world like that and that's great. That's a wonderful dream But nobody gets that that's never existed in human history And so the idea is to maintain that ideal and just keep chipping towards you know towards it and trying to get better So i'm saying to you that america is actually You know far less corrupt in my belief Than certain other societies on the earth and at the same time it is not I don't believe in Blanket, you know unqualified american exceptionalism as though america is just you know above above Above any any any wrong doing, you know our foreign policy. I mean so many Aspects of the way our country is working and especially now it's gotten just more grotesque You know, there's there's always been conflicts of interest being a president But it's never been like this this guy is a multi-billionaire global businessman Who are the ones out of one side of their mouth that they hate on globalists You know, it's so funny. I wrote a joke about this like I'll never I will literally go to my grave never understanding Trump supporters who would go around saying, you know, we got to do something about these goddamn billionaires You know taking over our country. We got to take our country back beneath goddamn globalist multinational billionaires And that's why i'm going to vote for a global multinational What the fuck are you talking about? Like this guy is exactly the guy you hate like it makes absolutely zero rational logical sense Let me have complaints are valid. Let me ask you this the wrong guy. Let me ask you this God has a sense of humor history. Oh, yeah, history is funny Yes, what if donald trump turns out to be the most transparent President we've ever had in that in that hang on for one second We know everything about him. Yes. He's in open, but except for his taxes He's pretty much an open book, right except for his taxes Yeah fair point and I have a feeling the reason he's not Releasing his taxes is it'll be boring Just like he wants to he wants to wave that in front of everybody as a distraction And there's probably nothing in there. I don't really believe that i'm just i have a theory All right, i'm just hypothesizing, but let me just say one thing and then you can tell your theory My beloved barack obama Is getting 400 000 to speak at canter Fitzgerald now canter Fitzgerald was one of the Stock trading firms that was decimated after 9 11 They have 400 000 to give to barack obama I would rather that money goes to the first responders the families of the first responders who are still suffering from Breathing in that air, but canter Fitzgerald Which was almost wiped out after 9 11 Is going to give barack obama 400 000 to speak I love barack obama He's on my team But that doesn't smell right that doesn't smell right for a liberal democratic president who defeated hillary clinton Because she was the one who took the money from goldman sacks He should not be taking 400 000 from canter Fitzgerald Especially since canter Fitzgerald is linked to 9 11 And they should be giving that money to first responders the point i'm making is donald trump Could be the most transparent president we've ever had because he's just flaunting his corruption and his hypocrisy It's a fair point It's a fair point. I mean he may he may very well be I mean did you see the interview he did with bill o'reilly? Um Right before the Super Bowl Where o'reilly asked him, uh, do you admire or sorry? So he said do you respect boating? And trump says yeah, I do, you know, he's a leader of a country this country. I respect him And o'reilly says yeah, but he's a killer, you know, he's killed people And trump I swear to god trump says this he goes, uh You think we're so innocent, right? Right, we got a lot of kill. We got a lot of killers. You know the iraq war this that I mean it is stunning to watch a sitting president Basically indicting the united states as being You know as corrupt as any other dictatorship or You know any other thug power on the world scene. That's shocking. Yeah, and it's also on the other hand It's sort of like well, he has a point. He has a point in in in trump's america Even a broken clock is right 20 24 hours a day Is that funny? That's a good flip. I like it. I just made that up I like I like taking like hacky sounding old jokes. Uh-huh if you could flip it Oh, hold on, but I want to give you a theory about the tax return thing. Okay Did you know that when trump was roasted on comedy central? I was there. I wrote it. Okay Oh, you wrote it. So then you know that the one rule What was the one rule that you guys were given you can't joke about his How much he says he's worth. Yeah, let's I'll tell you something else You want to know something else? Of course I did please Uh, he was supposed to give all that money to charity And we never found out what the charity was He never proved this is what I've heard He allegedly never informed us Where that money went Interesting. So he said the money was going to charity Did you guys pay him in rubles? Well, we have to hey listen, you're my new best friend You're my new best friend. Let me I'm a big fan of yours. I have a prepared outro And let's do it I can but we can't finish right now because we open I hinted at a can of worms and we never finished I don't want to piss off any of your listeners. What was the can of worms? Well, you know, I said there's two conversations America that trump winning is forced on america White america needs to have a conversation about the history and legacy of slavery in this country So that white liberals can get over the white guilt and we can have a constructive conversation And and because we know how the right wing feels about slavery. They're like, yeah, let's bring it back but but but I feel like the left the left in this country is so Unable to process their white guilt and it's really a hindrance towards making true progress And the second conversation Which is what I hinted at when I said is what I brought up israel Is the fact and I I'm saying this is somebody who grew up with jewish people So this is not coming you think some are you saying some of your best friends or jews. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, exactly. I'm I'm I'm using a stock line from racist because because America needs to start having a conversation with herself and jews in america need to help this conversation happen Which is that critique of israeli? Right wing violent zionist policies that are represented by only a fringe radical within israeli politics Critiquing that is not anti-semitism. Please. Let's stop this nonsense. Okay We have and we we have to wrap it up because this is I have a A muslim on my show who is making sense and he's cogent and convincing and Those of us talking about so we have to cut you off Fair enough. I understand I do understand. I do understand. I understand how it works. And now you and and you're also abridging the gap between jews and muslims in america that doesn't Further the cause of perpetual debate In order to do one from one mensch to another my friend. Yeah, I can't we I can my show It's a constant debate and if you're talking about what we have in common and our similarities and how we can all work together Towards justice and peace. That's not entertaining. This show has to be about fighting and debating and arguing and name calling So we have to well i'm also a member of isis. We didn't Uh, so now but but here I have my standard Closing is this because this makes me sound good. Okay, because i'm jewish and you're a muslim Yes, sir ready No, i'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna call you my i'm not gonna say brother I'm not gonna call you my brother. I was gonna call. I'm gonna call you my sister Fair enough fair enough. I'm just a construct. All right. Let me let me just wrap this up But this is the part I got this down by the numbers I've been doing this for so long Now I start calling you my brother because then it endears me to you and the audience and I sound Very, you know, like i'm all about peace brother. Okay, brother Sounds good brother. Okay, brother. So brother Tomorrow night, we should all watch the white house correspondence center. My brother hassan minaj will be Telling jokes to my brothers at the white house correspondence center, right brother I think that's right. I think there might be some sisters there and maybe some people who are Them right brother and brother. Where can people see you do comedy brother? Uh, brother, I am doing stand-up sets uh in uh at the cellar in Manhattan This week and I am based out of chicago I have a monthly show called in polite company a political comedy show about race religion and politics At the chicago laugh factory every month so people can check all that out on my website, which is azhar.com Brother, can you spell your full name brother? I will brother. Uh, it's spelled d a v i d f e l d m a n. That's my name, brother Oh my god, we're so close. I sometimes forget. I know My name is spelled azhar a z isn't zebra h a r dot com And brother, how do people follow you on facebook and twitter? Um, the links are actually on that website. Um, twitter handle is just my full name azhar usman a z h a r us man, it's like us man And uh, they can just search my name on facebook and find the fan page as well Hey, brother, man, let's do the bit that we talked about doing at the top of the show brother Sounds good, brother. They'll do the bit What bit what what was the bit about why you're on skype What about why i'm on skype? Why are we doing this interview on skype? Oh, yeah, right? Um, well, uh, You know, I reached out to you. Let you know, I was back in Manhattan. Yeah, we had been trying to get this thing scheduled That's right, brother. So given that i'm in new york I said, hey man, let's do it and you said, uh, I can't be in the same room As you so let's do it over skype. That's pretty much the way it went down, right? Right, brother I mean, you understand brother there. I brother. I get it. Who you talking to you're in you're in the room next door You know Defenestration is required But you understand brother you understand that even though we're different You understand where i'm coming from where I cannot be in the same room With you I get it. I do understand. I mean even though you're next door We have to do it with skype brother because You respect my values brother, right? 100 percent. Yeah, and you got to be careful who you're seen with You know what I mean and I can picture with me And I say, you know, they're watching, you know, it's I'm just letting you know by the way coming on your show You've been added to probably a few lists. Okay, brother By the way, if we run into each other in the hall brother I don't make eye contact brother and I and I don't want to ride in the same elevator with your brother You understand where I'm coming from brother, don't you? But brother, I'm hoping that the brother bit is to hold it out I'm hoping your listeners are like why Why hey, uh, how long are you in town brother? Well, brother, I don't even know at the moment. I'm either flying home tomorrow or I'm here for another few days I might get a gig in Long Island or whatever. Okay. I would have coffee with your brother But we'll have to do with the skype You understand brother No, we should have dinner sometime. Let's just make sure we do it over google hangout. I love you. That's awesome. Thank you Hey, felbin. Thanks for having me. Thanks for doing it, man. Thank you, sir Thanks for listening. What a great show, huh? This was a great show. Thank you so much for listening Please friend me on facebook Follow me on twitter do all your amazon shopping Via the david felbin show website go to david felbin show dot com You'll see an amazon banner click on it and then shop away and we get a small percentage of everything you purchase For five dollars a month. You can gain access to our premium content Go to david felbin show dot com. You'll see go premium Hit that and then you can sign up. We accept all major credit cards. We just added Marty short and Andy kindler to our premium content. We're curating some of our stuff If you already are a premium subscriber and you forgot the password hit the contact button over david felbin show dot com And we will send you the the password. It hasn't changed But we will send you the password anyway hit the contact button to Tell me what you like about the show and what you dislike. I answer all my emails I'm a little behind because alex brazil my producer Went to spain for two weeks. So this has been a this has been uh been difficult And uh, but I will get to all the emails. Hey Remember tomorrow night saturday 7 30 p.m. Q. E. D. In Astoria queens We're doing a live taping of the david felbin show Look at who we have on this show comedian. Sean donnelly who you've seen on conan and letterman He will be my guest along with david felbin show regulars angela cob and pat dixon pat dixon from the new york city crime report You know him many of you dislike him. I love him. He's funny. He kicked my ass On a roast battle. You don't want to miss the show tickets are only eight bucks to purchase in advance Go to qedastoria.com and search for the david felbin show I will personally shake everybody's hand after the show and you can run your fingers through my plugs Go to qedastoria.com Did I mention everything? What am I leaving out that I love you? I love you guys. Thank you. Thank you all for listening to this show I can't do it without my listeners. I mean that you're you're getting me through What uh, we're all going through and I thank you for that From the show briz studios in downtown Manhattan medicare for all and for all a good night. This is the david felbin radio network