 We invite you to enjoy life, life with Luigi, a new comedy show created by Sy Howard and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J Carol Mash with Alan Reed as Beswale. A year ago when Luigi Vasco left Italy to start his new life in America, he promised his mother that he would write and tell her about his adventure. So now let's read Luigi's letter as he writes to Mama Vasco in Italy. Wonderful thing about America is that the interventions they got that to save a time for the housewife in a kitchen. She's a used electric food slicer, saves the time in a kitchen. She's a used electrical ranger, dishwasher, mixer master, saves the time in a kitchen. American housewife, she's a saver so much a time. She's never eaten a kitchener. She's a go out to eat in a restaurant. Is it really wonderful what American people they do with electricity? They got electric eraser, electric a clock, electric a blanket. Maybe you don't believe it is, but even a milk accouser by electric. I think it's a called a milky shake. Must be very interesting to watch. So someday I'm gonna go out to a farm. I'm gonna got to see how they plug the cow into the wall. This morning I'm gonna receive a letter from an electric company which will say I owe them a twenty seven a dollar. I'm gonna never have such a big bill, but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pay anyhow. Over here electric companies are very big and they got to what is called bulb snatchers. If you don't pay you bill, they send over a man and he's a snatch out of you bulb. Tell them I'm a mere, I don't want this to happen to me. So I think I go now to my night to school and ask him I teach him a spaulding up for advice. Let's be quiet. I'll call the roll. Mr. Basko, Mr. Harwin, Mr. Olson, Mr. Schultz, Mr. Schultz. Mr. Schultz, are you present? Who do you think was just talking, eh? Thank you, thank you, thank you, fellow Google. You know, I really should be on the radio. Please. Just think of it, Amos and Schultz. Very funny. Now, class, our lesson for today is, oh, Mr. Basko, you have your hand raised, what for? For electric bill. Electric bill? You ask a zilly question, you get a zilly answer. What do you say, Mr. Spaulding? Come and get a big bill for my electric bill. I'll be glad to help you, Mr. Basko, but after class. Now, let's turn to our grammar lesson, which I hope you've all studied. Now, who give us a sentence demonstrating a subject, verb, and object? Anybody? Will anybody volunteer? Mr. Schultz? With a wife and three kids, I should volunteer. I wait till I'm drafted. Oh, I miss Spaulding. Oh, very good, Mr. Horowitz. Subject, Mary, verb, love. And the object? Well. Well, come now, Mary loved who? Well, tell her, the iceman's old neighbor. Mr. Schultz, that is no way to learn anything. Well, Mary ain't talking, how else you're going to find out? Well, Miss Spaulding, I would like to try. Oh, there he goes again, smart cop. Thank you, Mr. Olsen. In the sentence, I call a policeman. A subject, call is verb, policeman object. Excellent. Thank you, Miss Spaulding. I always try to be a good student. I study hard all night. I try to learn just as much as possible. Oh, what a showoff. Open a man with one head knows so much. Please, Mr. Schultz. Now, who can conjugate the verb in Mr. Olsen's sentence? Mr. Horowitz? I don't know. Mr. Baskow? I'm a no-no. Mr. Schultz? I pass. You better deal out the new question. Well, Mr. Olsen, I suppose you'll have to show the class. Yes. I call a policeman, you call the policeman, he calls the policeman, she calls the policeman, they call the policeman. Him or the policeman, be ready. Schultz, please, please be quiet. Mr. Olsen, that was excellent. Now, in the sentence, I call a policeman, what word is the adjective? Mr. Baskow? $27. What? Where did the $27 come from? Bill from Electric Accompany. I see we're back to that again. Very well. What's your problem? Electric Accompany is a semi-bill for $27. But I'ma never have such a big bill. Is it too much for one a month? Mr. Spaulding, what they do to me if I don't get them? They call the policeman, we call the policeman. Sad, Mr. Schultz, please. Now, Mr. Baskow, you needn't be frightened. If you feel that the electric company's overcharging you, just go down there and I'm sure they'll make an adjustment. Yeah, yeah, a simple adjustment. Click, click, you're sitting with candles. Schultz, you think they're gonna turn off my lights? Know what, if they do turn off your lights. Smile, Luigi. You know, Washington didn't use electricity and he became president. Jefferson didn't use electricity and he became president. Lincoln didn't use electricity and he became president. Luigi, if they turn off your lights, you know what's liable to happen to you? What? You liable to fall down the steps and break your neck. Hello, Luigi, hello, hello. Hello, Pascuali. Hey, that's the matter, you look so sad. Like a little abode, it's a dragon is a peep behind. Well, Pascuali, this morning I'm gonna get a big electric bill. I'm gonna know what to do. Mr. Bolling, as I said, go to the company. Schultz, as I said, no, I'm all a mixed up. Sure, sure. Go to everybody but your friend Pascuali, who's to bring you from all the country and what's to happen? Nothing. Why are you all the time like a crazy fella who's a try to get in the house through the back door, the side door, the window? When I'm here, you could have come straight to the stoop. Pascuali, you're so right. Nobody's a bigger stoop than you. That's a funny thing, when I'm here, it's a come out of there for us. Tell me, little man, you're so worried about your electric bill. How big is it? Just a little piece of paper, about four or by five. No, I mean how much money, they ask. Twenty-seven a dollar. No doubts about it, Luigi, that's a suspension. I tell you, Luigi, I like you. I've got a plan for you, where you're never gonna pay electric company one penny. How you do that? It's a simple, I'm gonna run a wire from my spaghetti palace into your store to cost you nothing. Can you do this for me, Pascuali? Sure. And every time you want a life, you come into my place to turn on a switch. You don't mind to do that, do you? Of course you're not, Pascuali. And where is it this switch you're gonna be? Into my daughter Rosa's room. But a Pascuali is not the night. If I'm gonna put on the light tonight, the Rosa's is sleeping, how am I gonna go into her room? You knock on the door, you say Rosa, open up. You see your husband, Luigi. I don't know if Pascuali is in all of you summer, not gonna marry your daughter. She's a two-fatter. Fatter, fatter, fatter. Always with that a four-letter word, F-A-T-A. Rosa's a no-fatter. She's only weighed 250 pounds. Well, I'm gonna like to marry a girl who's the way half of that. 125 pounds. Luigi, I'm the ghost. I'm the skinless and the boneless. What do you want to marry, a girl or a sardine? Pascuali, I'm not gonna marry Rosa. If you don't want to help me, I'm gonna take a chance. I go to the company myself and ask them why this bill is so much. Bill, see, how you like, I explain to you why they charge you so much about it. Please, Pascuali. Well, for instance, you got a bridge lamp at your store. Yes. Oh, you know, play bridge? Now, here's something else. You know, every time you press a switch, you put on a light at the cost of your penny. I'm gonna heard about that, Pascuali. Let me see how you put on a light. All right. Oh, oh, just like I'm taught. You press a heavy with the thumb at the cost of your two cents. Rosa's across the four cents. Oh, forget that. Now, when you press a switch on and off all day, 30, 40 times, what's happened? You wasted a 50, 60 cents. What about you, Pascuali? Me? It's a never cost of penny. How come? I'm gonna never press a switch. I leave it a light on all the time. Come on, Mania. There's just so much to learn. Michelle. I'm gonna like to fix electric companies that never charge me when I'm used electric or razor. You know why? Why? Because I'm always a shaver with a straight razor. And while I'm a shave, I'm gonna go... Oh, Pascuali, you smart. Maybe I buy straight razor and go... Not so loud. Electric companies will hear you. They charge you just the same. Oh, Pascuali, there's just so much to learn. Michelle. Luigi, more than a wife do you need a love and a father-in-law. Pascuali, I would like to have a youthful father-in-law. Fine, and I throw in a rose. I'm a no-cat. All right, you baker, stop with a green hawn of boob. Go to the electric company. You see what's happened to you? You see here on your bill where it's a say killer watch? Yes. They got you on a murder charge. You've been killing me. Come on, Mania. But they say they're gonna give you the electric chair. No. What's the matter? If you're not gonna pay electric bill, they know can turn on the juice. You're gonna sit there the rest of your life to laugh at the stock of the condoms. Oh, shit. And now for the second act of Luigi Basco's adventures in Chicago, we turn to page two of his letter to his mother in Italy. And it's so, Mama Mia, I'm still enough to go to an electric company because I'm afraid there's gonna be trouble. I'm gonna try to figure out to myself for why electric bill is so much. So I'm gonna take a ball about a ceiling to find out where electricity is coming from. I'm gonna stick my finger in a little hole and feel it out. Mama Mia, I'm gonna feel like Uncle Pietro is a goat who's gonna kick me in the head. I'm gonna run and tell this to Pasquale and he's gonna tell me that's what happened to everybody who's gonna pay his bill. Electric company is ascending him a shock. Anyway, Pasquale is scared of me so much about electric company. I'm not gonna know what to do. So I'm sitting here wondering where I'm gonna get a $27 and when the door is open up. Luigi, my fellow pooper. Well, did you straighten out everything with the electric company? I'm not sure, so I'm afraid to go there. And I'm not got enough money to pay this bill. Oh, don't be so sad. Luigi, be like me. Always smiling. Remember, like we say in the delicate dancing business, every road is got a turning and every salami is got a burning. What's the matter, Schultz? I had a little salami today. The sheer of, Luigi, smile. It's impossible to smile, Schultz. You know, if I'm not gonna pay this bill, can electric company do something better to me? It's boring, Luigi. Even if they throw you out in the street, my family would be glad to have you. You come and sleep with us. We all sleep in one big, comfortable bed. Me, my wife, my three children, my brother Ludwig, he don't have hands, my cousin Hugo, my cousin Wolfgang, and Wolfgang's accountant, Carl. Mr. Carnet and Carl, he's always a sleeper with your family. Sure. He keeps the books to see whose turn it is to use the mattress. No, come on, Luigi. You're gonna love sleeping with us. No, no, thanks, Schultz. I think it's gonna be too much trouble. What trouble? It's a push-over. In the middle of the night, we all get up and yell, pull over. Smile, Luigi. I'm trying to cheer you up. I'm afraid it's a no use, Schultz. No, Luigi, if you're gonna act like that, you might as well go to the company and get it over with. But Schultz, I'm never gonna go there. What am I gonna say? But you always talk how you want to be like an American. Well, act like an American. Go right down there and talk. Schultz, you give me courage. Thanks. I'm gonna go right tonight. Good, and Luigi, be happy. And remember, it's always darkest before the dawn, especially if you don't pay the electric bill. Goodbye and smile, Luigi. You're my... Oh, my, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my, oh, oh, my... America, I love you. And you like a papa to me. From ocean to ocean, I bring my divorce. Huh? Come on, well, Edison, a building. My mummy is a big building. Some of them may be iron event or something and they make a big building a jester for me. What the McKenon event. I know something that's going to save a lives. Banana without appeal. Sure you eat a banana is in nothing to throw away nobody's a slip and a break at their neck. I kind of see just now the bus go banana building. Twenty six floors are high not twenty seven. I'm going to have a one floor to keep it up. You're going to be a big man. You're going to have a three secretary. Want to just to say good morning Mr. Busco. One is a say I am before you lunch Mr. Busco and I wanted to say better put on a you're out there is a raining out the side of Mr. Busco. Who's going to say good night to Mr. Busco. Not enough to help I'm going to hire another secretary. I'll wait you stop the dream and you better go inside and find out about the bill. There are a lot of people in here I'm a wonder where I should go. Pardon me sir you seem kind of lost here can I help you. Yes I'm I got a bill for twenty seven dollars and I'm just take it over to any one of the men behind those bars behind the bars. You see those little pages you know who those men are must to be customers and who know pay their bills. No they're cashiers come I'll take you over there no they don't want to push I'm going to go there all right you do want to pay your bill don't you yes about a disability wasn't too much well in that case I'll take you to the complaint department. Don't make a complaint out of me don't worry just come with me our manager will talk to you. What is it Mr. Burton Mr. Clyde Mr. Basko one of our customers planes last year has a discrepancy please I'm going to make a trouble isn't my discrepancy is a just a mistake. Well thank you Mr. Burton you're welcome I'll get the record on Mr. Basko and now then Mr. Basko I think we can settle your difficulty right away good believe me we don't want to overcharge our customers and when the bill shows an irregularity it may usually be traced to a technical maladjustment arising out of subnormal wiring condition. Is that clear. Do you follow me you've got to someplace. Let me clear this up for you sometimes we find the customer is using a lot of current quite accidentally tell me do you have any short yes I want to pay I'm aware of them and that's not what I meant I brought you Mr. Basko's file and thank you Mr. Burton and now let me see here some of your recent electric bills seem to all be rather regular it's the October two dollars November two ten December three dollars hmm well you see I wasn't sent the closer for the kids in my block and it was a bigger customer say what the part of those of them being yes yes yes and now January was two eighteen February one ninety three March five dollars oh yes sir was a vacuum cleaner salesman in my store and I'm a no kind of get the rid of him for a whole week but you see I'm a never have a such a big bill like a twenty seven dollars yes it does seem rather strange but I assure you our company is not out to get your money I know that then why they want it we are a million dollar corporation sharing our dividends with thousands of subscribers how you do this well I'll try to explain and no doubt you've seen some of our institutional advertising how we show our entire capital structure in terms of a big pie now if you will imagine I'm going to be what the kind of play apple or a huckle about we're just speaking figuratively it's symbolic or symbolic a pie well that pie belongs to thousands of stockholders and customers like yourself old ladies with pensions retired railroad workers but I'm a no like a pie I'm not talking about that I am saying that in the form of reduced cost of operations to you you are actually obtaining a slice of that pie I'm a rather have a piece of cake go try to understand we don't want your twenty seven dollars if it doesn't belong to us in fact last year our company made a huge profit and returned it to its stockholders why do you know what happened when that pie was open the birds have began to sing never mind that's the last straw eat the pie with straw please leave that twenty seven dollar bill is yours and you'll have to pay it we'll have a man over there in one hour that's a good day sir the birds began to sing well you've been all that hey you look like a monkey that's just got a hit by a ranch but squally what a trouble I'm I have manners to say because I'm a no pet twenty seven a dollars I'm a steal a huckleberry pipe from me old ladies a pension what worse than that if I'm a no pay my bill I'm gonna get to run over by a retired the railroad the train what are you talking about we have to be electric a company but squally man is a talk so much about is a pie I don't know if I'm an electric a company or the bakery you're going to crazy next the time you take a short the haircut don't let the bar but cut out of your brain please there's no time for joking man is it coming any minute to take away my electric but squally what am I going to do but squally what am I going to do what am I going to do times are you right now to take out of your electric you got to go live in a gas the house the district no worse than that words to get around the Luigi Bosco is an au pair drew Pearson is a find out he's a teller Congress Congress is a veto you electric a bill is said you back at the whittler what can I do now settle it down a big comma Luigi I couldn't save you I've got a money please the past quality I do anything if you were helping me even the marry Rosa but squally that's not anything and that's everything so sad Luigi is it not every fellow in the Chicago can marry Rosa you should have no past quality you tried to write and I picked to you now I'm going to call you finance Rosa Rosa your sweetheart up to the show Luigi what you can do troubles is all over hey what's happened we'll put out the lights hey it's a dark I'm from the electric company I just turned up Mr. Basker's life then then a why is it dark in a pasquale's a story here yeah I know there's something the soccer now who would do a thing like that I don't know we still need to ask a while is it just a little joke I gotta pay the $27 a bill here mr. expression okay well then you don't need me hey Luigi don't go away now wait for my son go buy a papa you sound cute honey I'll go down and paint on the light no no Rosa when electrician a man who comes back at the extra night that they had the lights out here it comes to those and I'm alone today is American accompanies that they never tried to take away from you what they don't belong to them because they're not to really owned by rich your millionaires they owned by a veteran's or with those who retired the people in the Boy Scouts I guess that these are must to be poorer millionaires another wonderful thing I'm a find out about America common of people they ever shares in a company he's a called the common stock some day you're a son of Luigi is it gonna own us so much a stock is it gonna be no place in our house so I keep them in a yard that's they're gonna be called the Luigi bus goes a stock yard of course I'm gonna spray with a sweet air so it's gonna smell better anyway Mamma Mia I'm a follow the American dream which is to go from a rags to riches so far I'm gonna take it the first step to being a millionaire only one the year in America and already I'm a popper you're a loving son of Luigi bus go the little immigrant