 Kraft presents the grape gilderslave. He he he he he. The Kraft cheese company, who also bring you Bing Crawls be every Thursday night present each week at this time. Harold Perry is the grape gilderslave, written by Leonard L. Levinson. And now let's visit our friend the grape gilderslave. Tonight we find him celebrating the first of them, the month in his customary fashion, and paying bills, counting out Bertie's salary, and making allowances for Marjorie and Leroy. Oh, Marjorie and Bertie, Leroy. What is it, Uncle Proud, Marjorie? Call me, Uncle Morse. Yes, here I am, Miss Gillespie. Well, such promptness. I'll bet you know what's on my mind. I do. This is the first of the month. And it's pay night for me. Yeah, pay night. That's right. How did you remember? Because I got four, five installments, gentlemen. So let me forget. Yes. Say, we collect our allowances too, Marjorie. Don't forget you owe me that sixty cents you borrowed. That was fifty cents. Fifty cents on a dime interest, sis. Fifty cents, and that's all, brother. Yeah. I was counting on that extra dough. Leroy, you're not in the hawk again, are you? Oh, I am, Uncle Morse. I don't know what you mean. Oh, you know. In the red. Oh, that's me you think of, Miss Gillespie. I saw deep in the red. My friends have quit calling me Birdie. I'm now known as Robin. Yes. Well, here's your salary, Robin. Ruben, Birdie. Minus the advances I gave you during the past month, of course. Thank you, sir. I certainly advanced myself to a standstill. Well, you've got one consolation, Birdie. February is going to be a short month. Ain't that the truth? Yeah. Well, I wouldn't be any shorter if I stood in a home. That's what I was in. I hate February anyhow. I give Valentine's from the fine-ass company. Well, here's your monthly allowance, Marjorie. Thank you. And here's yours for the weekly, Roy. Say, why can't I get mine for the whole month like Marge does, Uncle? I'm not a kid anymore. How about it, Uncle? Well, for the month, huh? We can try it out. Nothing ventured. Nothing ventured. Here you are. Gee, thanks. And here's something for you. If for me? What's this? A bill for services rendered during January. Just January, yes. Let me see. A bill? Stopping at the post office five times at a dime per stop, 50 cents. Going to the store 12 times at 5 cents per go, 60 cents. Three hot dogs for Uncle Mort at the basketball game, 30 cents. Young man, I thought you were treating me. Only the first two times, Uncle. After that, it was strictly Dutch. Well, you can't beat the Dutch. Removing ashes from Purnas, 20 cents. Spreading ashes on sidewalk, 15 cents for labor, 10 cents for ashes. My ashes, too. Rental of my bike to Uncle Mort, 10 cents. Repairing bent frame, 95 cents. Young man, I should charge you for my bent frame. Total $2.90. Well, here you are, Leroy. Thank you, Uncle. You're welcome. Sometimes when I see how you itemize every little household charge, I wonder if it was smart to teach you about business. Other times, I wonder if it was necessary. Well, I guess I'll go to bed now. Goodbye, Marjorie. What? I mean, good night. Good night, Bertie. Good morning, Uncle Mort. Just a second, Leroy. Come back here, young man. Let me see your tongue. A little oaky? Yes. Oh, seems all right. Are you feeling well? Oh, yes, sure, swell. Can I go to bed now? I guess so. Good night, my boy. Roland, good night, Uncle. Good night, Bertie. Good night, my boy. Good night, my boy. What's the trouble, Uncle Mort? Is that clock right? Yes. Something's wrong, either with a clock or Leroy. This is the first time in a year that he's gone to bed when he was supposed to without any arguments. I tell you, Marjorie, I don't like it. Yeah, isn't Leroy up yet? No, sir, Mr. Gale's asleep. I ain't seen hiding to have him this morning. Oh, well, it's time he was up for school. I better call him. Yeah, Leroy. Still asleep, little rascal. Come on, Leroy. Get out of the hay before... Where is he? Oh, a note to Uncle Mort. Come in here. Leroy's gone and left a note. Listen, dear Uncle Mort and Marjorie, I don't want you two to worry, but I'm going away for a while. What? I just couldn't stand it here any longer. Please don't worry about me because I'll be all right. Oh, I can't believe it. Oh, I'll take care of myself and write you soon, so be sure and don't worry. Also tell Bertie not to worry, either. Yours truly, Leroy. PS, please feed my frogs while I'm gone. PS, number two, the frogs like flies. Uncle Mort. And I'll stop that Marjorie, you mustn't cry. We'll have him back safe and sound in no time. There's nothing to worry about. How do you know? It says so right here in his letter. Excuse me, but I got breakfast waiting. Where's Leroy? Oh, Bertie. It looks like he's run away from home. Who, Leroy? Well, I don't believe it. It's just one of that boy's impractical jokes. Yeah, I don't think so, Bertie. He left a note. Well, there's no time to waste. We'd better start combing the tub. Yes, it's a lucky thing he hasn't any money. He won't be able to get very, oh my goodness, he's got his allowance in $2.90. What about a school savings bank? Here it is, and look, it's been blitz-cream. Oh, dear, that makes a lot of difference. It means he's got the means to go quite a distance. Oh, Uncle Mort, what are we going to do? Go right after him. So, which way will we go? Yes, which way will we go? Well, if it was me, I'd head south. Bertie, quit complaining about the weather and try to be some help. Now, where will we start? Oh, poor Leroy. If we don't find it... Now, Marjorie, you mustn't get excited. You must be keep calling Coom. I mean, cool and calm. I'll write down a few possibilities. This pencil won't write. That ain't no pencil. That's your cigar. Yeah? Well, then where's my pencil? You're smoking it. Hey, let's not get excited now, folks. Let me think. Oh, I know. There's only one way to head off our wandering boy. What's that, Uncle Mort? We'll have to notify the police. The police? Yes. They can send out a teletype all over the state and pick up Leroy before you can say calling all cars. Oh, but I hate to think of Leroy winding up in some police station. Yeah, he might not like it if we had him heaved in the pokey. Yeah? I don't like it myself, but there's a lot worse places he might land. Well, there's no time to lose. Come on, Marjorie. I better phone right now and tell him our little boy blew. Oh, deep. Why he ran away? I tried to figure it out, Marjorie, but it's a complete mystery to me. I keep asking myself, Rockmorton, what could you have done that you could have made Leroy run away from home? And then I keep answering myself. I don't know. Well, here goes. I hope we can keep it out of the papers. Yeah, stop being nervous, my dear. Just watch me. Yeah? Hello, police department? I wish to report a missing nephew. His name is Leroy Forrester. Yes. He's 13 years old, but he's tall for his size. I mean, he's old for his age. How tall? Oh, well, let me see. He comes about up to here on me. Oh. I forgot, officer. You can't see me. I meant he comes up up all to most of my shoulder. Yeah. How tall am I? What does that matter? I'm not lost. Is that so? No, she here, mister. Uncle, now don't get so excited here. Give me the phone. Yeah. Hello, police? My brother left home early this morning. The police department? Well, at last. We've been waiting around here on Tenderhooks. No, no. Tenderhooks. T-E-N. Never mind. Have you found him? Yes. Yes? Oh, well, that's something anyway. Thank you. Goodbye. Have you found Leroy, Uncle Mort? Not exactly. They've located a bakery wagon driver who gave him a lift out of town this morning in three cream puffs. Which way was he going? West, on the Watertown Road. In fact, Leroy told the man he was headed for Watertown. Then come on, Uncle Mort. That's where we're going. Yes. Maybe we can even find him before the police pick him up. Bernie, you stay here and answer the telephone whether the police or Leroy should call. Yes, then. I'll keep my ear glued to the bell and you keep your eyes glued to the road. Yeah. Now, take your time, Uncle Mort. Don't rush, though. I'm not rushing. I'm just trying to keep up with you. Are you sure you know the way to Watertown, Uncle? Oh, yes. I could drive to Watertown with my eyes shut. Sometimes I think that's the way you do all your driving. Yeah. This is the longest shortcut I've ever traveled on. You're right, Marjorie. And the next time you hear your Uncle Mort say I know a shortcut, please tap me on the skull with the nearest hammer. Oh, it isn't. It isn't your fault. You're only trying to save time getting to Leroy. Yeah. Oh. Sorry. I can't understand this. This road was all right the last time I traveled on it. When was that? Uh, let me see. It was the year I bought my Moon Roadster. Well, no wonder the road's bad. Must be 15 years since my Moon came over this mountain. Well, we should hit the Watertown Highway in another few minutes. Yes. And once we're on the main road, Oh. Oh. Oh, great jumping jeeps. Flat tire. Oh, dear. Look at that. A blowout. My last good tire, too. Will I remember Pearl Harbor? Have you got a spare? A spare? Oh, yes, here in the back. I'd better work fast if I want to get a change before dark, though. Uh, now, where is that key? Oh, no, that's the one to my locker at the YMCA. This one's for the padlock on my diary. Could this one? No, no. This one doesn't fit. What's wrong, Uncle? I can't find the key to the rear compartment. It won't open. I guess I'll have to break off the locks with a hammer. Oh, I hate to see you do that. Well, shut your eyes because I'm going to do it. Oh, no, I can't. You can't? No, I just remembered. The hammer's in the rear compartment with a tire. Oh, now what do we do? Could you use a rock instead of a hammer? Oh, of course. It should be one somewhere around here. Always is when you don't need one. Oh, I found one. How's this, Uncle Munch? Oh, splendid. Yeah, that rock looks like it's been through a lot, including Mrs. Uppington's window. Yeah, thank you very much, my dear. I wish Leroy wouldn't run away from home. It's kind of hard on my autumn affair. Now, if I can pry up the lid, I've got it. Don't take me more than no palpitating priorities. Some scoundrel of a so-and-so stole my spare tire. Is this Slim's garage in Jacksonburg? Yeah, this is Slim speaking. Oh, well, my name is Gildersleeve Slim. I'm calling from, uh, Marjorie. What's the name of this place? Joe. From Joe's Club Dogs Good. I mean, Hog Hog's Place on the Watertown Road. Yeah, I know where you are. What's your trouble? I had a blowout about two miles back on the shortcut from Summerfield. They told me here you might be able to fix me up with a used tire and a tool. What size tire do you use? Uh, seven by 15. Those are scarce, brother. Haven't you got one? No. I might be... Tomorrow. That means I'll have to get somebody to drive me to Watertown tonight. What'll I do about my car? I'll send out and have a toad in here and try and get your tire in the morning. A toad in? Oh, that's fine. But I'll be coming back by way of Jacksonburg tomorrow. I hope. See you then. Goodbye. Oh, Marjorie, have you got that small change ready for me? Here you are, Uncle Mark. Oh, thanks. Hello, operator? Yeah? Oh, you've got that Summerfield number, huh? Oh, thanks. How much is it? All right, here it goes. Yes, bells even. A gill sleeve, President. Oh, hello, Bertie. This is Mr. Gildersleeve. Yes, but did you catch up with Leeroy yet? No, Bertie. We've had a blowout. Oh, that's bad. Yes, and somebody stole our spare tire. That's better. How about using that jalopy of yours? That's better to roll. But Bertie, we can't get another tire until morning. Couldn't you drive out here so we could continue to Watertown in that little car of yours? Well, that's purely problematical, but I'm willing to take a chance that appeals to my important instinct. What do you mean, Bertie? Well, this heap of mine is strictly ultra-long. Well, take it easy, Bertie, but hurry up. Okay, okay. Where are you? We're at a hot dog stand called Hogs Inn. About 10 miles to the side of Jacksonburg. I'll be there faster than you. Not the shortcut. Go the long way around. It's much quicker. We'll hear from the great Gildersleeve again in just a moment. But first, I'm sure you mothers and housewives realize that you have a defense job, too. Yes, it's to serve your families plenty of good-tasting, nourishing food, food that builds your family's muscle and morale. Well, Parquet margarine, the delicious modern margarine made by Kraft, can be a big help to you in doing that job. You see, Parquet margarine is so downright delicious. It adds delicate extra flavor to all kinds of foods. Yes, serve it generously at the table. Use it in baking. It's a genuine flavor shortening. Use it as a seasoning for hot vegetables, for pan-frying, too. You'll find Parquet margarine's delightful flavor gives real lift to all your meals. What's more, Parquet margarine itself is so wonderfully good for your family. Parquet is a nourishing and wholesome energy food, and every pound contains 9,000 units of important vitamin A. So tomorrow, add delicious economical Parquet margarine to your shopping list. Remember, it's Parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y, the margarine that's made by Kraft. Let's join the great fielders' leave again as he, Marjorie, and Bertie continue their search for the missing Leroy. Bertie, who did you buy this car from, Rochester? No, sir. My father gave me this car. He bought it around about the time Mr. Roosevelt was elected. I bet it was Teddy Roosevelt. Yeah, I wouldn't doubt that, Marjorie. It certainly is a rough rider. Please don't drive so fast. Please don't drive so fast, Mr. Gilles. When you go over 30 miles an hour, the windshield has a tendency to slip down into the driver's lap. Well, what does it do at 40? It don't do 40. And don't blow the horn because that blows the light. Well, if we don't go any faster than this, Leroy will have time to raise a beard and we'll never recognize it. Yes. The only way we can get there any faster is to get out of this thing and walk. We're doing all right. Look, this seems to be a city we're coming into. You think it might be Watertown? Oh, no, Bertie. Watertown's still 100 miles away. This must be Jacksonburg. Why, it's taken us half an hour to travel 10 miles. Slow down, Uncle Mort. It seems to be a wreck up ahead. Can't be any worse than this one we're in. Why, George, you're right, Marjorie. Hey, look at that truck on the wrong side of the street. Yeah, and there's a car turned upside down. Yeah, it was a proud uncle. You better go slower. I am. You just don't notice the change, my dear. Well, there's one fellow who won't have to worry about tires anymore. Tires. Maybe I better stop. What's wrong, Uncle Mort? Nothing. That car is the same model as mine. I can use those tires. Come on, let's find out. Excuse me, can I squeeze through, please? I just barely did. Thank you. Pardon me, Mr. Come on, Marjorie. Yeah. Well, by George, this is lucky. I was right. Those tires are 7 by 15. They are? Yes. The rest of the car is so badly smashed up I'll bet the owner will sell me one or two. Well, you better find and quit that tow car I might have hauled away any minute. Tow car? Oh, yes. I wonder who the owner is. No, it was all a truck driver's fault. You don't have to take my word for it. Look at the skid, Marjorie. Oh, hey, that must be the owner, Marjorie. Now, you two wait here. This is my golden opportunity. Why would I make my foot water when I think of a big truck like that too much down here? Excuse me, excuse me, sir. But could I talk privately to you for a moment? For me? Sure, sure. Come on over here. Oh, thanks very much. What is it, friend? Look, Mr., your car is wrecked. The only thing worth salvaging are a couple of the tires. But I need tires like that. But... You undoubtedly need money. But how much do you want for the two best tires? Oh, me? Yes, you, brother. How about $15 for the pair of? Now, wait a minute. Yeah, all right. That was just a feeler, bud. $20? $20, huh? What's the most you'll pay? $25, but $30 is positively as high as I'll go. Okay, give me the $30. Well, all right. Here you are. 10, 20, 25, 30. Now, suppose you take them off. I want the right front and the left rear. No, no, no. They're your tires. Now, you take them off. I got a phone call to me. So long, Mr. and thanks. You're welcome, indeed. Oh, Marjorie, Ferdy. Yes, Uncle Moore? I made a deal with the owner of that wreck for two tires. We'll take them to Slim's garage and put them on my car. Okay, I'll get the tire tools out of my car. Yeah, come on, Marjorie. I want to show you what I bought. Excuse me, young man. Pardon me, sir. Are we lucky to find a wreck with the right size tires, Uncle Moore? Yes. Well, here they are. Not exactly new, but worth their weight and sugar these days. Here you are, Mr. Gil Sleeve. Now, be careful and don't break this wrench. Yeah, I won't. Because it's a very important tool. I not only use it to change tires, but also as the final and conclusive argument in traffic disputes. Oh. Yeah, I understand. I never took a tire off a car that was upside down before, though. This one's a little tough. Hold the wheel, Bertie. You hold the wheel and I'll unscrew the lug. Oh, all right. I guess holding the wheel is the harder job of the two anyway. Here. Can I help you, Uncle Moore? No, no. Bertie and I have it. Haven't we, Bertie? Yes, sir. Yeah. Now, be careful, Uncle, or you'll get your fingers dirty. Yeah, who said that? Oh, don't pay any attention, Uncle Moore. Just something fresh, fella. Yeah, by George. If I was sure which one popped off, I'd pop him. Here, here, Bertie. Let me do that. Boy, I got them all off already. Now, you just help me lift it down. Yes, of course. Here you go. What are you going to do now, Uncle? Go hook Rowland? Yes. Did you see who said that, Marjorie? Oh, never mind those street corner loafers, Uncle Moore. All right. No, no, Bertie. I'll take the other one off myself. Give me that tire wrench. Yeah, thanks. If there's any more remarks from the gallery, I'm going to unscrew a loose nut or two. That's a matter, boys. Cat got your tongue? Come on, Uncle Moore, we've got to hurry. Yes, of course. Hey, wait a minute. What do you think you're doing, buddy? Oh, hello, officer. I had a blowout this evening and no spare tire, and I happened to come across this wreck here, and it had the same size tires. Well, wasn't I lucky? I'll say you was until I arrived. What have you got to do with it? Well, if you weren't a nervious car stripper, I ever seen. Nervous car stripper I ever saw, officer. What do you mean I'm a car stripper? As if you didn't know. Standing there with your face, the picture of innocence framed in a stolen tire. Stolen? I bought these tires from the owner of this car. I've got witnesses. You boys saw me paying them, didn't you boys? I saw you talking to some guy, but he wasn't the owner of that car. How do you know he wasn't? Because he ran out of the pool room with the rest of us when we heard the crash. Oh, what? Did you mean that I was taken in? You are unfuddy, but you're gonna be. Come on with me. Take your hands off of me, copper. I'll hammer you into an ashtray. No, no, no, Uncle Moore. Oh, Marjorie. You and Birdie better drive on to Watertown and keep a sharp look out for Leroy. I think I'm going to be detained here. All right, if you think that's best. Come on, buddy. We're going to join the station wagon set. Station wagon set? What do you mean? I'm going to phone the station to send over the wagon and then we'll be all set. Renison is a child, eh? I suppose you were just using those tires as teething rings. Yes. Sergeant, I bought those two tires. I paid for them. What's the use of trying to convince a numbskull fuzzy-brained flat foot? Are you insinuating that I'm a flat foot? If the shoe fits, wear it. I don't want to hang around this crooks' coop any longer. I want some action. Okay, you're going to get it. For tonight, I'm going to put you in a nice room where no nasty tires can come in and run off with you. You mean in the cell? Well, all our cells are full. I'm putting you in a detention room. But what's the difference between that and the cell? We put curtains over the bars. You can't do this to me. Who do you think I am? A common criminal? Yes. Now, shut up. What's your name? Uh, my name. What's my... Oh, yeah. Lem-E-C. Lem-E-C. Huh? Last name, S-E-E. Huh? Oh. Dumbbell. Lem-E-C, yeah. The E stands for Elmer. Okay, C. Okay, C. Yeah. Put C in the detention room. Okay. And you, mister? C is the name. Don't think you're fooling anybody, giving me a pony name like Lem-E-C. I know it's an A-list. Now run along. This way, buddy. Come on. Oh. We're just sticking you in here until you decide to come clean with us. I have come clean. And by George, before I'm through with you, you're gonna be washed up. In you go. Hey, kid, you got company. Oh, young man. Leroy. Uncle Moore. Gee, I'm glad to see you here. I'm glad to see you, too, my boy, but not here. Oh. You must have had a lot of pool with the police to get in to visit me. Oh, I forgot. You were the one who told them to pick me up. Yes, Leroy. We just couldn't let you run away from home like that. And this was the quickest way to get in touch with you. Well, let's get out of here and go home. Yes, let's get out of here. Oh, Leroy. I'm afraid we can't do that for a little while. But why not, huh? I'll explain later. Meanwhile, young man, I want you to tell me why you ran away from home. Oh, gee, Uncle Moore. All I was gonna do was enlist in the Navy. You in the Navy? Leroy, you're just 13 years old. Sure, but I'm awfully big to my age. Yes. And if I went to Watertown or someplace where nobody knows me, I bet I could get in. But why? In your note, you said you couldn't stand it any longer. Were you unhappy at home, Leroy? No. It's just that I can't stand around doing nothing while our country is at war. I want to do my share. Well, that's a wonderful spirit, my boy. It makes me proud of you. But Uncle Sam can't use boys your age in the Navy. Oh, but I can work hard. I want to be in there. Oh, you just don't understand. I do understand, my boy. You think it's easy for me to watch younger men go off to fight our battles while I have to stay behind? Here we are. You're too young and I'm too old. But we each have a job to do. Every one of us. From the president to the boy in the school, Leroy. But, gee, Uncle Moore, right now school seems awfully trivial. Leroy is the millions of trivial things well done that's gonna win this war for us. Like the farmer who grows more food and the factory hand who produces more equipment and the housewife who makes everything go a little farther. Even the children who gather up waste paper and scrap iron. And all of us who buy bonds and contribute our time and money and prayers and inspiration. We're all in the army, Leroy. The army that stands back of our soldiers and our sailors and our fliers. The better we do our job, the sooner they're gonna finish theirs. Wake up. It's morning. I've been awake all night, Leroy. This mattress must be stuffed with old prisoners. And Leroy, just stop calling me Yunk. I don't want it ever known that Throckmorton P. Giller's leaves spent the night in the Calaboos, suspected of highway rubbery. Gee, we're both in a spot. You can't get out till you can prove you paid for those tires and I can't get out till you can prove you're you. Oh, well, maybe they'll let me call Judge Hooker. If they do, shh, we're about to have a visitor. Okay, kid, come on. And bring your things. Your sister's outside to take you home. Gee, thanks. Well, so long, mister. Well, thank you, sonny. Wait a minute. Don't close that door, officer. I demand to see the desk sergeant. What, again? Oh, the last time, gee. They can't keep me here unless I'm charged. I know my rights. I didn't study commercial law in night school two years for nothing. Your sister's in the chief's office over there. Oh, hey, go ahead, sonny. I'm going to talk to sergeant. Hey, Sarge, he wants to see you again. What is it this time? Sargeant, either you release me at once or I'm going to sue you and Casey and the chief of police and the whole town of Jacksonburg for a million dollars a piece. Now, come down, mister C. I tried to trace the ownership of that car you stripped and the garage man who's got it now can't find the owner to sign a complaint against you. Oh, I should he. He got his tires back and I went out. Well, under the circumstances, I guess we'll have to release you. That's better. Lucky thing for you, too. How do you see there, mister? If anybody's lucky, it's you. You're awfully lucky that guy ain't here to prosecute you. What guy are you talking about? The owner of that wrecked car. A fellow from Somerfield by the name of Throck Morton P. Gildersleeve. The great Gildersleeve will be with us again in a few minutes. But right now, I suppose some of you used margarine in the last war. Well, I don't know, of course, how you felt about margarine then but I do know that modern margarine is so much better that there's just no comparison. Take parquet margarine, for instance. The delicious modern margarine made by craft. Why one taste of parquet's delicate appetizing goodness will convince you how wonderfully delicious it is. Yes, in flavor and texture, parquet margarine is as different from old-time margarines as night is from day. You see, parquet margarine is made by craft and surely that's a guarantee of quality and fine flavor. Parquet is a wholesome vegetable margarine made by modern methods that just weren't possible in the old days. And to make parquet even better for you, craft adds important vitamin A to parquet margarine, 9,000 units to every single pound. So find out tomorrow how good modern margarine can be by trying delicious parquet margarine made by craft. Serve it at the table, use it for cooking, too, but be sure to ask your dealer for parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y. It's the margarine made by craft. Sorry folks, our time's up. Good night. Original music heard on this program was composed and conducted by William Randolph. This is Jim Vannon speaking for the Craft Cheese Company and inviting you to be with us again next week at the same time for the further adventures of The Great Gilder Sleeves. This program came to you from Hollywood. This is the national broadcasting company.