 Hey, good morning, so I have a feeling that Many of my future posts are going to be personally related. Not that I don't typically have personally related posts, but What's happening in my life right now is just too good not to share so Most of you know and maybe some of you don't know that I've recently entered into a relationship. I Met this person a month ago We it's a long-distance relationship, and it wasn't it wasn't planned that way. It just happened that way and And we have now we've we Saw her twice when I was in Chicago that was there for a wedding and she came out here And we spent four days together and we've every night on we talk about it seems like five hours a day on the phone A couple hours in the morning an hour in the afternoon a couple hours at night for the last four days five days and Why I'm sharing this with you is because I'm we spend a lot. We have spent a lot of time Processing our past with each other. We've really processed a lot of the stuff that brought us to where we are today And while I'm not always an advocate for that when you're with a person who's an emotional grown-up Who is capable of communicating their feelings in a vulnerable authentic way? I think it's absolutely possible to have deeper richer conversations what I'm noticing is Something that I don't think I ever felt before in any of my dating experiences or any of my My previous relationships, which includes my marriage and my most significant relationship after my marriage And it's fascinating to me because it just I mean I can't believe it's taken me this long 50 plus years of my life to recognize this one primary ingredient When you're with the right person when you're when you're feeling love with somebody And it amazes me because now that I'm feeling I'm like oh my god it makes so much sense like this particular feeling of all the feelings you you know whether it's passion excitement joy adventure Sensitivity care kindness generosity all of these feelings are great feelings to have and yet when you're with a person I suspect when you're with the right person this one particular feeling stands out to me above the rest and That is I feel calm it feels calm and I believe that comes from feeling a sense of trust like I Genuinely trust this person Do I you know do I fully trust this person? No not yet I mean I don't fully trust it it takes a good hundred hours of face-to-face time just to build the real first layer of trust I mean I'm talking about a real plateau of trust But I'm feeling that sense of trust and with that trust This byproduct of Calmness and where what calmness means is safety like I feel safe with this person to open up my heart I feel safe with this person to be expressive. I feel safe enough to even share my insecurities And I don't feel judged Nor do I judge her This is the most important ingredient. So in the early stage of dating when I think of my past relationships many of them I Felt like I was walking on eggshells. I Mean I really felt like I was on king on you know not so much in my marriage my marriage I was just so unconscious, but I was a little bit on my on eggshells But certainly my significant relationship after my marriage. I walked on eggshells I was so afraid if I spoke my truth She'd break up with me if I did this she would end the relationship if I said this I wouldn't have sex tonight I mean like literally I was constantly Feeling like I was on eggshells and that's on me. That's not her responsibility. That was my responsibility to navigate that to speak my truth And knowing that if I spoke my truth that it might end the relationship And that's okay because as I say in my book chapter 9 if it's sincere and from the heart You can't say the wrong thing to the right person this person. I've shared some real personal stuff that would make 99.9 percent of women run maybe or maybe not that many but let's say 97 percent. I don't know She doesn't judge me. She's actually curious. We're actually curious about each other And so while we've shared a lot of our past which could trigger us It's building safety it's building trust it's building that sense of calmness and that's why this feels so different to me I just feel calm. It's funny because we we we now are getting into what I'm noticing the mundane We're on the phone while we're doing other stuff, you know, like like I realize with you know Every relationship has the mundane things right the mundane things even when you're together, right? Or when you live near each other, there's always the mundane so we now are incorporate mundane in our on our on our Conversations not incorporating but we're just like we're on the phone and I'm doing this. She's doing that We just are together And it feels good and for a person who talks on the phone all day long I thought the last thing I wanted to do is be on the phone. I find myself Two three four five hours a day on the phone with their a little bit here a little bit there Thankfully we both have lifestyles that allow for that and yet Even the mundane feels good. It really does. I mean, it's amazing. It doesn't this this if you've ever Have you ever experience in the early stage of dating or in a relationship feeling like you're walking on eggshells? Have you ever felt that you couldn't speak your truth? If that's what's happening, then it's probably not the right relationship and it requires Radical honesty to get there how we got here. I believe is through radical honesty by being Vulnerable by being authentic by being transparent with one another and look Most of the time that's not gonna work. It's not and sometimes people do just naturally fall in love because they're just the right fit For each other and yet when they're the right fit, it's because it's calm. They feel safe There's a sense of trust And I believe today we need radical honesty. We need a sense of intentionality We need a sense of going on beyond the surface to get to that level of True intimacy into me you see And I shared this publicly and I'm gonna share this what we did on when she came to visit me It was we literally sat face-to-face for 10 hours straight bearing our soul Wasn't the lust it wasn't limerence believe me. We have sexual chemistry with one another. Yahoo, I'm excited but more importantly and And I'm certainly I'm not I'm fatuated with her but not in obsessive way not in this You know way that feels uncomfortable that feels in anxiety based We're attracted to each other we like each other and more importantly we're this intimacy that's being built by by Literally 30 hours over a three-day period of just face-to-face bearing our souls It was like it was like taking the rocket ship fuel that got us into orbit and now you're in orbit And it just feels good So what's the lesson on all this folks? Today we live in a dysfunctional world today, not that we haven't always lived in a dysfunctional world But because of our devices we have become rather dysfunctional human beings And it's time to like put the devices away and connect with somebody at a heart-centered level And the way to do that is to express your feelings to express your fears To express your uncertainties to express your joys to be expressive and Allow the opportunity for the other person to meet you and if they're unable to meet you then you're most likely Not going to build that deeper root of trust Through radical honesty that allows you to feel safe and more importantly allows you to feel calm And I love this feeling of calm just feels great All right, I think you get the gist of where I'm going I'd like to hear your thoughts on this Please post a comment below listen if you are happy with our group if you feel like this provides value Please send your friends to my website Jonathan as late calm have them click the group coaching button so they can join our fantastic group And I'm going to sign off this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet teddy bear pillow You've entered them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it We can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now