 The Johnson Wax Program with Brock Morton P. Gildersleeve. Hee hee hee. The pictures of Johnson's car new and the whole family of Johnson's protected surface products present for your enjoyment The Great Gildersleeve written by Len Levinson. Your new summer radio show brought to you each Tuesday night at this time. It's all about the Great Gildersleeve in just a moment. Right now, here's a question for you quiz lovers. What is it that does two things at the same time? You're right, it's Johnson's car and you. That both cleans and wax polish is your car at one and the same time in one easy operation. Now if you drive a dull and dirty car around town it's just because you haven't heard about car and you. You don't know how easy it is to give your car that showroom shine your family will admire so much. My suggestion for you for today is just this. Try and swing around your finger if necessary to remember to stop in at your regular wax dealer, auto supply store or service station and buy yourself a can of Johnson's car and you. Don't put it off, the cost is very low and the results are amazing. You'll agree with thousands of other enthusiastic car owners that your car looks like new when you use car and you. And now for the adventures of the Great Gildersleeve. But what sound is this? Yes, the lady. Now you will definitely drive past Summerfield, will you? Lady, we don't reach Summerfield till tomorrow and we can't go past it because it's the end of the line. Yes, yes, you told me all that before. You say this is Christmas? Oh, do you think I'll be able to see them from the train window? No, lady, the McGee's are on their vacation. Oh. But there's Brockmore and T. Gildersleeve, their next door neighbor out there. Where? Where? That portly gent with the mustache on the platform, the one making a speech to his employee. How do you know they're his employees? Because every time he takes the trip, he gives the help of the factory an hour off to come down to the station and wave goodbye. Well, so that's Mr. Gildersleeve. All the employees of the Gildersleeve Girdle works down here at the station to bid me goodbye. It's very... By the way, is there anyone left at the plant? Well, uh, no, T.P. Well, what if some orders come in? Who's taking the phone calls? Uh, Merck. Oh, Merck, eh? Well, as I was saying, while I'm away, I expect every one of you to uphold Gildersleeve Girdle to the best of your ability. And don't forget our motto. If you want the best of corsets, of course it's Gildersleeve. Just remember, put everything you've got into those girdles. Will you do that? Thank you, thank you. And though it's necessary for me to go away and attend to other enterprises, the one thing closest to my heart is the Gildersleeve Girdle. I want you all to carry on as if I was right here. And now I know I can count on each and every one of you to do your duty till the day I return. How long will you be gone, T.P.? At least three days and maybe till the end of the week. Before you go, T.P., the Gildersleeve Girdle Workers Guild wishes to present you with this handsome leather briefcase as a token of our esteem for you. I don't know what to say. Except by George when I get back, I'm going to call in my lawyers and draw up a profit-sharing plan so that eventually all you folks are going to get the words. I mean, I'm going to give you the words. What I mean to say is... All aboard? Oh, no! Oh, my goodness, out of my way, everybody. Where are my bags? On the train, T.P. Thanks, so I forgot to buy a ticket. Where do I buy a ticket? On the train, T.P. Oh, yes. Let go of me, boys. Where are you pushing me? On the train, T.P. Goodbye, T.P. Here's your ticket, Mr. Gildersleeve. Sorry I haven't any births left. Couldn't you squeeze me in somewhere? I'll try, though it'll probably be a tight squeeze. Tight squeeze, eh? Side-splitting, isn't it? Going to be in summer fields long? Oh, no, conductor, just three or four days. I'm taking over the administration of my brother-in-law as a state. Oh, that's so. Yes, they own an automobile agency that hasn't been doing so well lately, and I'm going to set it to right. Don't you think maybe you're biting off more than you can chew? Not at all. Oh, that reminds me. It's dinnertime. Which way is the diner? By an experienced old traveler like you, you should know where the diner is. Oh, I, of course. No matter where you are, the diner's always at the other end of the train. See you later, conductor. I said if this gentleman doesn't mind reading his paper on his own side of the table. Excuse me, sir. Do you mind? Yes, I do. I'm particular whom I eat with. You are, eh? Well, I'm not. I'm hungry. Bring me a steak. A nice, juicy double cantaloupe and rare. Waiter, where's my milk toast? I ordered it 15 minutes ago. Yeah, I'm sorry, but milk toast takes time, you know. Waiter, I want a big heaping plate of French fries. Give me that. And some pickles and a cup of strong coffee with lots of cream. Yeah, coffee both. I'll get it right away. And bring me my milk toast made with gluten bread, remember. Gluten bread. Oh, that reminds me. Some hot biscuits and a lot of butter and a little pot of jam. Gluten bread toasted in a cup of hot water. Yeah. And then the apple pie alamode, waiter. Yeah, pie alamode. Yeah, with cheese. Yeah, with cheese. I can't stand this. Listening to you is giving me heartburns. Yeah. It is, eh? Waiter, don't forget mustard, beef steak sauce, ketchup, chutney, pig allure, and a soda, quick. Yes, sir. Right away, sir. I'll be right back. Boss, it's none of my business, mister. Then don't stick your nose in it. Yes, sir. All right, if that's the way you feel. I was just going to tell you you were getting your paper in the butter plate. Don't make any difference. I don't use butter. You don't, eh? I guess it's because butter would make you feel better. You don't, eh? I guess it's because butter wouldn't melt in your mouth. Yes, yes. But what I was going to say was... Never mind. Okay, I won't say it then. But that butter from your paper is all over your sleeve now. I don't care. What? Of all the misses. Water won't take it out. It only spreads the grease. You see, what did I tell you? I'll thank you to mind your own business. Well, that's fine. Thanks for telling me on what side your sleeve is buttered. You leave my sleeve out of this. Well, leave your sleeve out of the butter then. Furthermore, what's the idea of jumping down my throat? What do you expect addressing a perfect stranger? You're far from perfect stranger. From now on, I'm going to make a career out of ignoring you. That suits me fine. That's my foot you stepped on, you big buffalo. Excuse me. We always put on the brakes when we go downhill. Oh, I've heard it on that. Ah, here comes my food. That's pretty snappy service waiter. Yes, sir. Well, where's my milk toast? I'm sorry, sir, but the chef, he's all out of glutton bread, sir. Yes. He wants to know what Pumpernickel would do just as well. No, Pumpernickel wouldn't do just as well. What's the idea of keeping me waiting all this time while you served his lump of lard the minute he sits down? Oh, no, look here, Mr. What a look here. I'm sick of the sight of you. The idea of an over-stuffed ox like you guttling and gobbling and gorging yourself like an ostrich. I got a bad taste of indigestion already just from looking at you. Why, you dispeptic little dodo, just because you're mean to your stomach and your stomach pokes back to you, you belly ache. Excuse me, sir. You can't stand the sight of a healthy man sitting down to a hearty meal. You're not suffering from indigestion. You're just green with a pecurian envy. I won't kill you. Now what? You'll buy carbonate and soda. Take it away. Take it away. I need something stronger than that now. I got the pills right here in my briefcase. Just a second there. What are you doing with my briefcase? Your briefcase? This is mine. It is not. My employees gave it to me just this afternoon. Here, give it to me. Take your fat paws off of my briefcase before I... Before you watch you dried up little crab apples. And now, wait a minute, gentlemen. Let go of my briefcase. I will not smile. If you don't let go of your briefcase, I won't do it. Oh, wait a minute. Did you see anything about briefcase? I left it... Oh, there it is. Thank you so much, gentlemen. You can see if I have located a birth for you at last. Oh, that's fine. I was getting tired of sitting around here in my pajamas. Where is it? It's upper nine in the next car. Upper nine? Oh, my goodness. The last time I was in an upper birth was, let me see, 50 pounds ago. Well, that's the only thing I've got, Mr. Gilda Sleeves. The porter's making it up for you now. All right, conductor. I'll have to make the best of it. Good night. And thanks. I do hope that porter gives me a wide berth. Oops. It's dark in here. Uh, porter! Porter! Quiet! Oh, excuse me. Oh, porter. Yes, sir. Have you got upper nine ready? Yes, sir. But I didn't anticipate no gentlemen to set ample proportions. Yes. Well, I guess I better take a ladder. Yes, it better take two. They're small. Yes. All right, come on. All right, right up there. Hey, that looks kind of high. You hold these ladders steady, Porter. Remember, if they tip, I won't. Yes. Yes. And I'll be careful, Mr. Sleeves, coming through his shop query pretty soon. When? When? Oh! Who don't need to see the ladders now? But let me help you up. I don't want to get up. I don't want to sleep. It's not you, Mr. Sleeves. It's the man in the upper. He's now in the lower. All right, I think I can make it now. Get off of my poor stomach. What? Who is it? What are you doing sneaking into my bird? I'm not sneaking into it. I'll do that! I'm not sneaky. I'm trying to climb into bed. I'm your upstairs neighbor. Isn't that nice? I hope that swinging shelf snatched on you. Yeah? If you're going to swing, I'll see you to swing your way. If I land on you, brother, you'll spend the rest of the night sleeping in the road there. Let me go to sleep. Okay, grandpa. Unpleasant dreams. All right, Porter, give me a lake up again, will you? 2,474. 32,475. It's 2 o'clock already. And still not a wink of sleep. 32,476. 32,476. 32,477. 32,478. Yeah. What's the use? There was only some way of stopping that buzzword down there. I can't stand it any longer. Where's that Porter? I've been ringing for a half an hour. Did you call me, sir? Yeah, yeah. Would you mind getting me a cup of ice water? I can't sleep. Yeah, sir. Yeah. Thanks. Thanks for the ice water. You're welcome. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks. Thanks for the ice water. You needn't wait. Hey, good night. Oh, good night, sir. Yeah. Yeah. Now, if I can hold the cup in this hand and open the lower curtain with you. Ah, I got it. Ready. Steady now, Gilles. Ready. Oh, what was that? Porter. Yeah. What is it, sir? Shut this window. It's raining right in on my face. What's wrong here? Before we pull in the summer field. In about five minutes, sir. You want me to brush y'all? No, I'll walk down the steps like the rest of the passengers. Yeah. By the way, Porter, you've given me such good service. Here's an order for a gill-as-leaf girdle to be a wife. Oh, thank you, sir. I happen to be a spinster at the moment. Yes, sir. Well, if it's all right with you, I'll put it in my hope chair. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, that's perfectly all right. Well, hello there, gill-as-leaf. Why, hello, Wilkart. What are you doing on this train? Oh, starting on my vacation. You are, aren't you working this summer? Oh, no, I'm off to Lafalle. Well... The Johnson Wax people said car news sales are going so well there's no reason for me to hang around. What do you mean? Well, for the past 39 weeks, I've told everybody all about Johnson's car news. I've described how easy it is to use and how effective it is in giving your buggy that new car finish. And as a result, folks, don't need to be reminded all the time. They don't. No, they'll remember to go to their dealers the minute they run out of car news because they know that it not only cleans the finish of your car, but also protects it and makes it look like news. Isn't that so? Huh? Well, who am I to say no? Well, you see, I don't have a thing to worry about this summer. I'm just going to take it easy. Just as easy as it is to apply car news. By the way, where are you going, Dr. Morton? Well, I'm going to visit my niece and nephew in Summerfield. Hello. I haven't seen them for four or five years. They've been away at school. Well, they must be pretty big now. Oh, yes. Evelyn's about 19 or 20, and Leroy is 12, I think. Uh, you know, I ought to have a lot of fun with those kids. Yes, and, uh, quite the versa, Dr. Morton. Next up, some of you. Some of you. Hey, lady, wake up. Wake up. This is some of you. Never mind it. Nothing that concerns little boy. I'm sure that Uncle Dr. Morton will prefer to have you call him Uncle Dr. Morton. So how about we make him Uncle Dr. Morton? I don't think that will be very respectful, Leroy. Then Uncle Dillsie? That is worse. Uh, if you can't go on going a big tough guy who runs a steel fountain, then you're Dr. Morton. Well, it's positively degradatory. It's derogatory. Is that true? Who told you Uncle Dr. Morton was in the steel business? Yeah, you thought you were so smart always trying to hide Uncle's business from me. What's wrong with having a steel mill? A steel mill? Sure, I know all about it. You'll be here by now, shouldn't you, Eve? Oh, now don't you worry, Leroy. As soon as you say the rise, Mr. Wills will be in here for business. You know, I want to give it down to the station, too. Yeah, but Ted has to discuss all the legal details of Uncle Dr. Morton before we go to court. Say, you're getting pretty darn stuck on that Ted guy, aren't you? Why, Leroy Forte, sir, I am not. Ted Wills is merely our lawyer. He is. He's just given time. From Uncle Morton. From Dr. Morton? Oh, I don't think he could get to that. Wait, I can do better than that. Leroy, this is your uncle. Hi, Uncle Morton. Hi, who? What Uncle Morton, the Uncle Morton? Not at all. Go right ahead. Uncle Morton, eh? I like that. And this is Evelyn, Mr. Gilda Slave. Evelyn, eh? Eh, come here, my dear. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's my, how you grow. Ah, cool. Can you have some breakfast? No, thanks. I've already had mine on the... Well, I'll have a cup of coffee. Sit right here, Uncle. Ted, you sit over there. Oh, thanks. My, this looks good. Did you make this coffee yourself, Evelyn? Yes, I did. Hey, Uncle, will you take me back to Woodsville with you and let me work in your factory? What? Well, I didn't think you'd be interested in that sort of thing. But, Leroy... See, I am, Uncle Morton. That must be somewhere else. We don't turn out anything much in the way of supporters. We thought it could find ourselves to, eh, foundations. What do you think I am? Oh, please, it feels, Leroy, Uncle Morton. He's been like that ever since he found out you owned the kill-the-sleeve-girder company. What? The kill-the-sleeve-girder? Oh! Oh, yes. Yes, I see it all. And the bright boy, yes. This will meet a mere real he-man... Yes, it is. Uh, it is? Sure, it'd be different with you around. Uh, is it? Smaller, isn't it? Oh, oh, yes. Yes, of course, of course. Hey, hey, do you ever have to slug it out with any of them tough deal-worthers or yours? No, no, I never do. You know her. Oh, well, of course. There have been times when I've had to put more snap into their work. Yeah, and once, once I was so angry, Leroy, that I picked up a badly-made foundation and bounced it right off the foreman's head. You did? Yeah. Oh, boy, why don't I tell the kids at school about that? Now, leave it all. You let your uncle eat his breakfast. Hasn't Uncle Morton? No, thanks. Oh, speaking of toast reminds me of gluten toast. And boy, does that remind me. That reminds me of a amusing incident on the train last night. You'll enjoy this, Leroy. When I went into the diner, the only unoccupied chair was at a table with a sour little crab. We had a new table. The ice water hit him in the face. Well, if you finish now, Mr. Gilda Slave, it's time to leave for court. Yes, I'm too, Ted. Oh, it was a fine breakfast, Evelyn. You're going to make some lucky man a wonderful cook. Hey, Ted. Uncle Compton, Lloyd. Come on, kid. Let's trot over to the courthouse. This won't take long. Once the judge sees who he's dealing with, I'll be appointed administrator faster than you can say Haby is corporate. All you can say is we run things better than this in Whipple Vista. The eleven o'clock and the probate judge hasn't even shown up yet. Oh, Judge Hooker's usually very prompt. The trouble with some of these judges is they think they're little tin gods. Take those black robes away from them. What have you got? Bow legs. That's awesome, Uncle Morton. Yeah, I'm glad you like them. I'm glad he's here. Now, we'll get this thing over with quick. We're caught. Department 25. The honorable Haby Hooker has just got his answer. Please say that. Is that Uncle Morton? Huh? Yes. Oh, my goodness. Who's that man sitting in the judge's chair? Well, that's Judge Hooker. Judge Hooker? That's the man in the lower berth. That's him, all right. Take the proc. Martin T. Gildersley for appointing his administrator of the State of A. Barstead. That's us. Come on, Mr. Gildersley. Uh, I'm not feeling very well, Ted. Couldn't we postpone this over to another judge? Oh, come on, Uncle Morton. Remember what you said. This guy'll be a pushover. Yeah, pushover, yeah. Now, come on. Come on. Step up. Don't dawdle. I haven't got all day. They could stop you, folks. The judge is pretty short tempered this morning. He didn't get any sleep last night. Oh, good God-free. Your Honor, with your permission, I'll put Mr. Gildersley on the stand and examine his qualifications for this position. Go ahead, Mr. Wills. Where are the witnesses? Do you promise when it's over till the whole truth comes about to help you? Uh, I do. Well, Julia, don't you? Speak up. I do. That voice is very familiar. Oh. Turn around, Mr. I'm loud. The witness will confide himself the matter at hand. Will? Yes, Your Honor. I'll examine this man's qualifications if you don't mind. Why, don't you, Your Honor? Yeah, but I do. Silence. You're here to answer questions. Now then, Gildersley, if your name really is Gildersley, what do you do for a living? I make girdles, Your Honor. Order in the court. Order in the court. And you, girdlesley. Gildersley. One more attempt at cheap humor and I'll judge you in contempt. But it's true, Your Honor. I'm president of the Gildersley Girdle Company. What does he do? Steal. I bet he would, too. Interruptions, my boy. Remember, this is courtroom. You realize who I am, of course. Hope, Your Honor. You know how I kid. No offense, I hope. It is an offense. Conceptive court. Just one more disrespectful remark, Mr. Gilder, whatever your name is. And I'll... Don't do that, Judge. Uncle Mark will keep his opinions about you to himself. What, you want some more? Yes, I know better now. I mean, I'll be careful, Your Honor. Yes, you do. I hope that by now you realize the gravity of the situation. Mr. Gildersley, I certainly do, Your Honor. I'm going to ask you a simple straightforward question. And I want a simple straightforward answer. Go right ahead, Judge. All right, Mr. Gildersley. What business are you in? Well, I... Do I have to answer that? You do. And remember, you're under oath. Well, that is Leroy. Would you mind going out of the hall and get me some ice water? One minute. Who's running this court? You or I? You bet. Oh, my God. Here we go again. He did it, didn't he? But it's after five o'clock. This poor man's been on the witness stand all day. I am it. One more question. And I'll hand down my decision. Mr. Gildersley, what makes you think you have executive ability? Well... I have a large staff of my own in three years of experience. I know the proper relationship between employer and employee. You bet, Your Honor. And if they don't do what Uncle Moritz says, he just buggered us. Now, wait a minute, Leroy. Are you reading everything you say? Yes. And everything I've said is being used against me. I can't go on. Your Honor. Yes, Mr. Wells. Our firm has checked and double-checked Mr. Gildersley's references. We're satisfied as to his qualifications. We therefore petition you to name him as the new administrator of the Forrester Estate. Uh-huh. Mr. Wells, I have great respect for you and your associates. That is probably the only reason why I'm going to grant your petition. Hooray! However, in order to protect these children from their own misguided enthusiasm, I am going to require this Gildersley to report to me every single week that he must get an OK for every cent he spends. What's that? And I will require him to post a bond of $50,000 in cash. Now she here, Hooker. Who stands for this? I'll resign. Quiet. I never stand for you. You came here begging for this job. Now, just because I insist on it being administered with scrupulous honesty, you tried to back out of it. But it won't work. To quote from Brawby versus Union Buggy Corporation's difficult of a Nebraska, you've made your bed, and you can't lie out of it. But my business in Whistler Vista demands that... You mean your girdle business? Yes. You will remain here and make this estate pay or go to jail for contempt. Well, but I... Watch the journey. I'll kill that old goat. Ed, we've got to do something about this. You realize that a $50,000 bond would not only take every cent of my ready cash, but all the means of mergers are my Gordle words. Gee, I'm... I'm sorry about how the whole... I'm sorry about how the whole thing went, Mr. Gilder. He's got me awfully nervous. Maybe if we went into the judge's chamber, we could persuade him to lodge a bond. Sure, just let me talk to him. Young man, you've talked enough for one day. Well, it won't hurt to try. Come on. Me, Judge Hooker, you remember me, don't you? I thought perhaps maybe we could possibly get that little cash bond to reduce. I don't see why I should waste it. Well, I've been picking, Your Honor. If you spoke for somebody who'd known me for a long time, they might convince you that I'm not such a bad fella. Oh, that would be fine, Uncle Mord. Look at the judge's talk, too. Well, as a president of the Whistler Vista Chamber of Commerce, Evelyn, he's my next-door neighbor, too. His name's River McGee. We can call him Long Distant. I see Mr. McGee. Yeah, I'm glad you put me straight on that. Yeah, see, I knew my pal would set me in right. That's a very good point. Well, Mr. Chet for the world. Leroy, I want you to meet McGee one of these days. There's one of nature's ennoblement. Oh, yes. This conversation will influence my decision a lot, Mr. McGee. Ah, thank you. I guess you've made my mind up for me, Mr. Tipper. Ooh. Hold the phone a second. I'll tell him. Get on the sleeve. Yes, Judge. Get on the sleeve. I've decided to re-sin. That's $50,000 bond. I knew that would happen if you spoke to my little chump. Yes, after talking to McGee, I'm going to make that bond $100,000. What? Give me that telephone. Hello? Hello? You're a hard man, McGee. We'll be back in just a moment. You know one thing that's welcome anytime is a new product or a new idea that will save work. Not just as true in the home as it is in industry. Look how successful Johnson's self-collishing blowcoat is. Because it has saved Housewives millions of hours of work in taking care of their floors. And just as much of a work saver for you men is Johnson's sensational new auto polish, Carnew. Carnew does two jobs at once. Both cleans and wax polishes your car in one easy operation. Formerly to do these jobs cost real money or several hours of hard work. Now with Johnson's Carnew, many car owners tell us they do both jobs in an hour. Imagine cleaning and wax polishing your car in one hour. Oh, if your car is very dirty, it may take you a little more. But you will still say Carnew is a miracle worker. As a matter of fact, thousands of the country's leading service stations are now using Carnew for polishing customers' cars. There's only one way to find out how easy Carnew is to use for a beautiful showroom shine it gives your car. Try it yourself. Get a can tomorrow from your regular wax dealer, auto supply store, or service station. Remember, your car looks like new when you use Carnew. What are you going to do now? By George, I'm going to show that judge I can run that estate. Or my name won't be Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve. You better wanna come, Mark. You won't even have a name. Yeah, I'll just have a number. Good night. Johnson's wax finishes for the home and for industry, inviting you to be with us next Tuesday night to hear the further adventures of the great Gildersleeve. Good night. This is the National Broadcasting Company.