 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the heart. I'm Jonathan Asley of Jonathan as a comment I'm so excited to be doing this short video for you today Our topic is he ready for a serious relationship 10 things you must know Know these 10 things all right really quickly if you're brand new to my YouTube channel Please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos And if any time during this video the content resonates with you Please hit that like button in the YouTube algorithm really quickly. These are my weekend videos I shoot out on my balcony very similar to the videos I shoot my private group called midlife love mastery This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis and based on the questions you post in the group I shoot personalized videos just for you. So check out the link below to my VIP group All right, let's talk about the men who are serious about relationship and these 10 important things you must know Now I am sure it is incredibly frustrating to experience a Brief relationship with someone or actually something even longer term what I mean by brief is maybe a few weeks Maybe a few months or even maybe a year or two Now year or two may seem like it's longer than brief But what I'm here to say is it's I'm sure it's incredibly frustrating to invest time in with someone Only to have them say I'm not ready for a serious relationship I'm not ready for a serious relationship and with the irony in this and I see this with men and women as well is That they've engaged in a relationship with someone They then claim they're not ready for a serious relationship and then they're in the relationship And they're literally back online the dating sites to replace that person Because the reality is in those particular cases. They weren't ready for a serious relationship with you and Sadly, I mean that can wear on us emotionally when we've invested time. We've invested our heart. We've invested our emotions We invested our vulnerability our authenticity and transparency only to have them run away or disappear So I want to talk about how to I don't want to say avoid that How to actually choose the person who's actually ready for a serious relationship that one and Understanding what it takes for a man to get to this place of a serious relationship and that's what we're going to lean in today We're going to look at all the factors that make up This decision-making process for a man So I'm going to put on my trusty glasses really quickly I'm gonna share with you my notes or really quickly All right, we're going to talk about the live at ten things you must know For a man to actually commit to a relationship So the first two is red or actually the first two are rhetoric that you hear from John Gray John Gray is the famous author that wrote men are from Mars women from Venus and while there was some groundbreaking Information in there. I totally appreciate many factors in the book I think what what the information there pigeon holds you So let's talk about one of the first two premises is basically the instinct of a man and then the Biology of a man or a man and woman. Okay, the instinct and the biology the instinct being that men are or Hunters and their providers and their protectors and women are nurturers and certainly the biology centers around the testosterone and Estrogen in relationship and why men need cave time, you know when their testosterone is depleted and that this notion that men are Provider protectors because back in the caveman days. That's what we were predominant, you know roles in relationship So those are certainly factors that do make up an aspect of the way a person's I'm gonna use the word personality, but I really want to say how they operate in Relationship how they operate in relationship, but I'm just gonna use the word personality for the most part in this particular case They're personality in operating in a relationship. So those are two factors to consider another factor to consider is Socialization socialization Understanding the difference between the way boys were raised and the way young girls were raised and there certainly has been a Predominant difference for those of us that are in the baby boom generics Period of time. I think there's a shift that's happening in today's narrative. I'm not sure that shift is any better Then they spare the rod Spoiled the child whatever kind of rhetoric that was in the past in other words Hey when I was growing up, there was corporal punishment when you did something wrong even in school But my point is there is a big difference in our socialization for boys and girls Okay, and that results how we're raised is as it not how we're raised But how we experience life in this adult for example men are to our boys are taught to stuff their emotions And women were actually and not to say that this is fair But there's a certain Objectification that goes on with respects to women in the way they're raised as little girls. It's all about being pretty Sparkly princess that sort of thing. I'm not saying this is right or wrong I'm just sharing these are the factors that make up all of this But today we're gonna go deeper than the surface because the surface is those three things and it's important to understand that and yet It's I want to encourage everyone to be careful to pigeonhole men and women in those three categories Because what what it takes for a man to get serious in a relationship to actually Start leaning into a relationship at a much deeper level It's important to understand these next seven things and I'll share with you what the final thing It's gonna take for a man to be ready for a serious relationship Really quickly. I noticed my my t-shirt says Rocky Horror Picture Show today There's a kind of an irony because part of the movie is about making a man So today we're gonna talk about what it takes to make a man in the sense of Understanding men okay understanding that okay, so the fourth thing to be aware of is Imprinting imprinting and what that means is when we when we are children we are imprinted by our parents We are imprinted by our parents or those surrogate parents around us and that imprinting Makes up how we operate as adults and what I mean to say is most of us have experienced Childhood wounds and traumas child and wounds and traumas that cause us to have negative patterns and limiting beliefs in our lives Negative patterns and limiting beliefs in our life and this actually contributes to the dysfunctionality Within most romantic relationships if there are unresolved childhood wounds and traumas for example, if you're not familiar with the work of Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt I highly recommend checking out this book called getting the love you want Because this talks about the amago the amago and what this means is have you ever noticed even for yourself or for men That they continually choose the same type of woman Chances are if they choose the same type of woman over and over again They're actually reliving a childhood need to impress their parents in other words They're choosing paid people based on a familiar Childrearing experience oftentimes from a negative perspective and they're trying to on an unconscious level heal this So this is called the amago when we're repeating patterns of trying when we're when we choose people that are familiar to one of both of our parents Most likely the dysfunctional part of our parents The other thing to consider also is love attachment style love attachment style if you're not familiar with the book Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. I highly recommend checking this out love attachment style There's three primary love attachment styles There's anxious avoidant and secure and there's subsets within that But men tend to be more avoidant in their love attachment style and what that means is they they Desperately want to attach to another person and at the same time. They're so afraid to attach to a person Can you see right off the bat now how this changes all the rhetoric about men or provider protectors? And they want the hunt right off the bat You have to look into it's great to like to say. Oh, this is how we should date and At the same time you be pigeonholing yourself if you don't understand that Imprinting makes a big difference in a person's life and they have gone if they've gone unhealed in their adult life It makes it more problematic to be in relationship and to actually to be serious in a relationship Number five their age and life experience their age and life experience And here's the thing a man in his 20s and 30s most likely is on the hunt for a spouse It's most likely on the hunt for a spouse if he wants to raise children with somebody But as men age You know so we're gonna take out those marriage-minded men that vast majority of people in their 40s 50s and 60s are divorced So what we're dealing oftentimes is with adult trauma, you know, did they go through a divorce? Did they lose their job? Did they have family issues? Did they have baggage all of this now plays into the stew? But Jonathan men are supposed to be the hunters and they're supposed to claim me Can you see right now how that narrative begins to shift when you understand the complexities of what it takes for a man to actually get To a place of being ready for commitment My coffee mugs as coffee tastes better with share when shared by the way, if you like my shirt or coffee mug Please post a comment below number six is cultural and religious Background cultural and religious background. What's this person's values? How are they raised? How are they, you know, what's their experience from a cultural perspective because there's a big difference between people? Who were you know come from another country and the way they were raised certainly Middle Eastern countries and Mediterranean countries and European countries or even? Eastern countries are so different Then the way say someone was raised in the United States You have to take it and by the way even those in the United States that were born and raised here might have different cultural values And certainly religion plays a factor in all of this So now this is more of the stew that makes up, you know Makes up the factors of how is this guy ever going to be in a position to be serious in a relationship if all this stew is Is in the mix and I'm going to get to that in a moment But I want you to understand this because this is critically important and number seven his socio-economic Both upbringing and current status in his life money plays a big factor in a man's decision-making process of Choosing a mate and certainly those who are struggling financially makes it very difficult for them to lean into a relationship But if they were raised rich or they were raised poor that plays a factor in how they operate as an adult I know a lot of people who are raised rich that have scarcity mindset You know like we have to save every single penny and then poor people Oftentimes are afraid to branch out and make their mark in the world And that's just the way they were raised and then play and this all plays into how a man operates From a dating perspective So can he have you by the way? So this has nothing to do with his testosterone levels are down and he needs to go into the cave time I mean certainly that might play a tiny factor in this, but there's so many other layers going on and Then number number eight their physical Appearance and their health their physical health and their appearance by the way as people age they They lose their elasticity their face they start to get bags in their eyes Oftentimes people eat poorly that causes them to not look so good. It certainly can create weight, you know shift in their Physical appearance men lose their hair, you know all kinds of things start to happen to our bodies as we age and for those that actually Understand the importance of health of real genuine health, which means exercise in eating From a sense of healthiness versus all the process garbage that we have out in the world today And this plays a factor in someone's decision-making process and a lot of people feel Absolutely insecure from their body perspective This is true of men. This is true of women as well You know men who are shorter get judged, you know for not being tall enough and they're not going to be our protectors You know Bruce Lee was five foot six and he could kick the crap out at anybody in a room You know height has nothing to do with the ability for someone to protect although that's a mindset again This is the imprinting mindset from women that believe this Okay, and number nine And this is where things start to shift is this man introspective is he introspective does he look inward does he do personal development work and More so has he healed his childhood wounds and traumas that cause those negative patterns and limiting beliefs in their life This is why folks I wrote my book Called what the heck is self-love anyway what the heck is self-love anyway by the way There's a link below to my book and all my recommended books This is a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work to shore up Our number one emotional health issue and that is I'm not good enough I'm not lovable and I'm not likable and Nothing triggers this for men and women alike like like the dating process Because as we get down to these layers, I really want to encourage everyone to understand That for a man to be ready to be serious, and I'll share the the tenth one in a moment For a man to be serious about a relationship He has to be in a position Emotionally To feel safe with someone to feel safe with someone and it first starts about feeling Emotionally safe within oneself and for a man to get to feel emotionally safe with one set within himself Most likely he's going to have to do that introspective work that personal development that self-help that spiritual work So he can shift from that narrative of it's all about being provider protector, and it's all about biology And it's all about socialization And then when you start looking to the layers of what it takes for a man to be serious and ready for commitment When you understand all this you can actually start making better choices for yourself And that's what I'm going to lean into for you today because number ten for a man All these factors that are that make up this stew for a man to be ready for a serious relationship Ultimately is his emotional intellect is his emotional intellect Is he emotionally mature enough to be in relationship and yet sadly the vast majority of human beings men and women alike have Terrible relationship skills and emotional skills. You haven't seen my chart before Emotional maturity and relationship skills by the way, this is not a fact. This is an opinion roughly about 20% of the population has Clinical issues. I mean real clinical issues and then while I state here that 20% are emotionally healthy I'm being ridiculously generous when I say that because the vast majority of the human population is dysfunctional in their relationship skills and So how can you determine someone's true relationship skills in their emotional maturity? Ladies it's going to be through radical honesty radical honesty. It's going to be Asking much better questions in the beginning stages of the dating process This is my area of expertise as a coach By the way, check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coaches right for you What I encourage everyone to do is pre-qualify your prospect and you can do this by asking better Questions right from the get-go in the dating process and let me give you an example. Let me give you an example Because a man who's ready for a serious relationship a Man who's ready for a serious relationship has a plan He has a plan and what I mean to say he has that desire inside of him to be in a serious relationship So here's the question you ask a guy What are you looking for in a relationship? Describe what you're looking for in a relationship and what does commitment look like for you? Describe what you're looking for in a relationship and what does commitment look like for you because when a man Doesn't run from that doesn't feel overwhelmed if by the way when a man feels overwhelmed by that question And he turns it around that's not a guy who has a plan when a guy Shifts the narrative and makes it your fault That's the man who doesn't have a plan a man who actually knows the answer to that question is ready for a serious Relationship and it takes these 10 things to understand from your perspective Because when you understand this you can let go of the old narrative that it's all about the man's testosterone And it's all about him being a provider protector Because there's a lot more in this stew that gets a man ready for a relationship and for him to be there he has to know What's he looking for in a relationship and what does commitment look like for him? And if you ask him that the the man who's ready for serious relationship has an answer for you And that's my invitation for you. Are you with me? Because it's all about making a man in the movie Rocky Horror Picture Show All right, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this Please post a comment below if it resonated with you I do my best to read them all and certainly if you have anything to add If you find value in this, please share this video with your friends check out all the links in the description You want to connect with me? And if you want to follow me on Instagram and all those places, okay? I'm gonna wrap up this videos I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic John the bear of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking you to turn to someone a pat a teddy bear Or a pillow and give it through them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it We could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye now. Bye. Bye