 Hey there friends, my name is Chef and today we're playing Chef. We're gonna be opening a restaurant. I've done this before and it didn't go too well. But I'm sure it'll go much better this time. I have no reason to suggest that, I'm just guessing. Wait, why can I not be bald? What the hell is wrong with being bald? Why are they haters? Oh wait, I can't be. Okay, getting immediately outraged, such is the way of 2020. I don't like bald, it's scary. What's the one with the most hair? I want most hair possible and no hair net. Look at me, Jesus Christ, what are you looking at over there? I'm trying to give you some details. Stop it, Jesus Christ, he's acting up. Alright, we'll give him a lot of wrinkles. That helps. What's his expression? Can he be pissed? He'll be depressed. That's good enough for me. There we go, that's the nastiest combination I can make in terms of clothing. Is this gonna be his picture? Oh, that's a Tinder picture right there. Just looking depressed really close to the camera. Alright, these are the districts I can open my restaurant in. I think a lot of these are too close to the center for me. I don't think I can afford these like as a startup. Oh my God, I just went back to menu. I just lost everything. For fact's sake, now I gotta recreate that work of art. I didn't even go like, are you sure? You'll lose progress. It's just like, okay then, you lose everything. This place looks okay. It's close to the center, but it's small. It doesn't have a bug problem, which was my second favorite. Satisfy the cheapskates is my next goal. How do I do that? I'm just adding every single dish that I actually have the equipment to make, which is just a fryer and an oven. And the cheapest chef money can buy you. Thank you. It's placing rugs down randomly. I'm going for a weird aesthetic here. Here's a vase just in the middle of the restaurant for no apparent reason. Your ambience rating for cheapskates is now high enough. Being a cheapskate myself, I love when there's a plant pot just all over the place. They're tripping over it. It's just a good opportunity to sue. Alright, for cleaning, I want artistic stained patterns in the hall. Hail to the Rat King. That's my cleaning rank, which is one under a cockroach protein supplement. And toilet cleaning can be organic wall paint. It's all about the bottom line. Alright, I think we're open for business. If my staff was here, it would be helpful. Oh wait, I'm giving them average salaries. No, no, no, we're putting them into survival mode. Now that I've given them the job on their first day, I'm like, yeah, about that pay that I promised you. Oh my God. Okay, there's a lot of people hanging outside. One second. Slow down time. What do you want to order? And don't ask for recommendations because I can't even remember what's on the menu. This is the most basic restaurant I have ever seen. At least we've got Vincent van Gogh here. I think we spent all our budget on him and the vase. Oh, you're filling up fast. Everyone's excited. I think we need more tables. I got a review. A fine place. Why do you look so safe? Why did I only get average? Because the ambiance is bad. Did you see the vase? Okay, maybe buying all those tables was a bad idea. The restaurant kind of emptied out. They just needed to look nicer. That's it. Let's actually put some paint on the walls, shall we? Jesus Christ, that's painful to look at. Yeah, we'll go with that. They did say attract cheapskates. Any person passing by would be like, this place has got to be cheap because it looks like shit. We need a microwave. That's what we need. Everyone loves microwave food. Look at that, some random stuff on the wall that's clearly just been thrown up there with no thought whatsoever. Now people will like me. I obey. What does that even mean? What kind of a review is that? Abusive parents? What? Why are you punishing me for that? I'm just a restaurant owner. Come here, you little woohoo blocker. How dare you? The place seemed fine, but I couldn't choose what to eat since my parents chose for me. I will come again and review the place again. You're a dickhead. You're ruining local business. My only complaint would be that I never seen an uglier restaurant. Oh my God, if people are loving it now, people are seeing the ambiance is perfect. The interior designer did a great job. Wow, you are stupid. Yeah, buying these many tables was definitely a mistake. It's like the initial rush and curiosity of having a new restaurant in town. And I was just like, oh, this is a permanent situation. Better buy like 10 tables. Can make a custom recipe? There we go. That's my recipe. I don't even know what it is. I just call them misery meat. Can I just add like a kg of butter on top? Oh my God, this would kill you. Any buttery cow cheese cream milk parmesan? Add some bread in there. Some bread crumbs. What the hell is in this misery meat? How greasy and oily the recipe is. It's off the chart. Gonna add a beer for some reason. Margarine and some chocolate. And don't forget a full salmon on top of that meal. Excuse me. Could I get the misery meat without the salmon? Afraid not. That is mandatory. That is part of the meal. You're ruining an art here. Oh, I need to actually have some meat. That's a good point. Can we add some bacon and lard? This recipe has the fact tag. Only recipes with 800 or more calories can have this tag. Jesus Christ. Not letting me save it the why. Oh, I needed to add like 150 grams of a certain meat. So I have 150 grams of bacon. Add more lard and add more butter, more cheese and more margarine. Very small beer. Ah, shit on a bread. Yep. That's the misery meat for you. Oh, and don't forget 150 grams of cream. It's mandatory. They have 150 grams of meat, but surely it's lost under the 150 grams of cream. 150 of cow cheese, 100 of butter, 100 margarine and 150 grams of breadcrumbs and bread. All right, save. That's going to be a favorite, I think, right? Add the misery meat, but we're going to need a grill. There's a lot involved to get this recipe off the ground. I'm hoping that I can just shut down the restaurant and sell this recipe to other restaurants. Sort of franchise the recipe and really throwing the whole weight of the restaurant behind this recipe and spending so much money. All right, we don't need any other main courses anymore. Misery meat is a meat that everyone can get behind. And I know misery is. I think we should try and get it a good reputation first. So I'm going to sell it at a cent, which means I'm losing $12.08 every time I sell it, but I think it would be good to get like a bit of hype behind it. There'd be people queuing up around the block for it and then people will come by and say, what are you queuing for? I'm queuing for the misery meat and then everyone would join in. Wait, what's wrong with you? Why are you pissed? Why are you angry? You didn't even come in and what's wrong with your legs? Stupid. Get out of here. Oh, the neighboring neighborhood has heard of me. I've got one influence point there. They must have heard of the misery meat. The queue is probably going all the way out here. Like, even if you just bake and choose, like you can just take the bacon off to one side unless I just like blend it all together. Unforgettable. I'd say that the most courses have low prices and the ambience was spot on. The only downside was that I felt sick after eating the misery meat. We've already served about 10 of them judging by this bar because I have to serve 25 custom recipes. Okay, this bar is flying up. I think everyone's just ordering the misery meat. It comes highly recommended. It has nothing to do with the price. Jesus Christ. Okay, we might have to change the price. I'm going to go bankrupt. All right, misery meat. Up, up, up, up, up. 12.50. That's more in line with what it should cost. But I think custom dishes is the way to go. People like it, I think. Someone's just getting pissed off down there. I didn't see any of these frowny faces until I started serving the misery meat. All right, we obviously need a new recipe. I'm going to make us a starter too. And then we can get rid of everything else and just start serving custom dishes. Beginning of the end. This is the starter. That's a good name. I'm good at naming things. Meat stew. Oh, God. If that's a misery meat, what is this going to be? All right, so I just need 100 grams of meat. Wait, I'm just putting it from the meat category. It's just 100 grams of lard and that works. All right. Well, the meat stew is just a mix of lard, margarine and butter. Enjoy. Okay, we can get rid of the appetizers and where's the mystery meat? Oh, wait, no. Beginning of the end. Sorry. I'm getting confused. My names are really complicated. The only downside was that their misery meat tasted like feces. How would you know how that tastes, huh? Gotcha. It's like getting sassy with the reviewers. The food is getting one star and no stars most of the time. Well, I felt sick after eating the misery meat. Everything else was just fine. The rates are five stars. Isn't that the whole point of a restaurant? Everyone's saying that my prices are amazing. So maybe I should up the price. I was selling beginning of the end a cost. I can't believe I'm serving soup. I've gone against everything I stand for. Maybe I should make some soup. We got to make this really awful so that people will stop eating soup and people will understand that soup is disgusting. Jesus, that looks toxic. Okay, great. Super shit is what we're going to call it. Use two vegetables tagged ingredients in average quantity. Okay, what are vegetables? All right, broccoli and tomato. Let's put in like 50 grams of each. And then we can add the fun stuff like a beer. Just spiking it with 150 grams of beer. Ketchup soup. I've done that in cooking simulator. It went down a treat and nothing tops off a soup dish like 10 grams of cornstarch. And of course an entire turkey. I may as well do a salad while I'm here. This one's called leaf this alone. Telling me I'm getting good at this. It's just 150 grams of carrots. That's it. Nothing fancy about it. You just get brought a lot of carrots. If you're a rabbit, you might enjoy it. And the last one is a poop plate. That is the dessert. Look at that. Isn't that enticing? Honestly, don't know why you could make out of 100 grams of butter, 100 grams of sugar and 81 grams of flour. But that's what you're getting. And we're going to spike it with beer again. This is just not disclosed. My idea is because only locals come here. No one outside this neighborhood comes here. So we're going to get them all caught for drunk driving and then they won't be able to go further away to go to other restaurants. It's genius. All right. These are all off the menu. Soups are gone. Desserts are gone. I don't think I can make my own beverages. So those are gone too. Now you've got this entirely custom menu beginning the end misery meat. Leaf this alone soup or shit and poo plate. Fantastic. Now we just watch the money roll in never surrender. What's that supposed to mean? Like people are getting pissed off with the food and the prices, but they're happy with the service in the atmosphere. I don't think I even pay my staff minimum wage. So I don't know how the service is so good and the place looks like shit. But you know what beauty is subjective. Okay. Yeah, we are way below what we need to be doing. We made a big loss today. I mean, it would probably help if we sold beverages. I don't even know how we got this 60 cent because we don't sell any. Maybe it was in the morning. Dairy ingredients are being over produced, meaning that the price will be 15% lower today. This will save us everything we use as dairy. We use so much butter. People seem to be giving out about the price of the misery meat, but like I'm barely making a profit at all. It's just a lot of food. Like you're getting good value for the amount you're getting there. Do you know what the markup and food usually is? I don't, but I'm sure it's more than 5%. And I don't know if I'm even making that to be honest. I can get ingredient points and I made my meat good, but I just, I'm not using the good meat because it would be too expensive. Can I get high quality butter? I think that would help. There we go. Start using the good quality butter. We're going to start using really good beer and the super shit. I think this could make people like what they're getting. Like now things are actually rated one star at least. Before they were all empty. The super shit is three and the poop plate is two and a half. Like if you came in and ordered the super shit and the poop plate, you might have a good time. I felt sick after eating the misery meat and you can ask me to pay that much for a misery meat. You don't even know what it is. You don't know how much it should cost. Because the misery meat really lived up to its name. It caused a lot of misery. When I first came into this place, my guardian angel told me that an evil presence was controlling all people inside it from another dimension. That is really on the money. But place was okay, so we'll be coming back. You know, it's true what they say. No publicity is bad publicity. The place is filling up despite the very mediocre reviews. And I've only ever read a review and said, everyone's saying the food is shit and it makes you want to vomit. But they do say the wallpaper is nice and I love me a good wallpaper. Oh my God, someone just got the hundredth misery meat. Yay! Did I get a prize? It's like you get the same prize everyone does. Food poisoning. Oh my God, my world chef ranking just went up. Now I'm the second worst chef in the world. Instead of the worst, people are hearing about my misery meat. My only complaint would be that I have never eaten such bad food in my whole life. Best restaurant ever. I think my guy should just give up being a chef and just become an interior designer if people love the aesthetic this much. A new day and another warning. Imminent bankruptcy. The bank won't let you know that you are now officially poor. They remind you that they won't let you stay in the red for much longer. Holy lasagna. No, that's adorable. The holy lasagna pair, not the bankruptcy pair. Like that's a serious issue. All right, I have an idea. We'll make the misery meat cost $99.99 and we'll remove everything else from the menu. No drinks or anything. You can drink the butter. Now we watch the money roll in. Looks like not even a single customer is willing to go to your place. No. Linnell, your waiter is tired of working here and came to you to resign. He will immediately leave your restaurant. What are you talking about? What was wrong? Was it the food poisoning? Is it the fact I can't pay you anymore? I thought we were family Linnell family. Holy lasagna. Everyone's leaving. No problem. I'm sure I can find plenty of other people who are willing to work for free. I accidentally just put out a double advertising campaign and I just spent a grand when I didn't even have it. Where did I find that? Oh, shit. We have zero morale on top of that. It's not me. Everyone else is the problem. I'm sure that's the person I just hired as well. All right, Conan, you're on board. Oh my God. I didn't even name my restaurant after all this. All right. I'm going to call it bankruptcy banquet. That is the name of my restaurant to come eat for free. It's not my money anymore. It's the bank's money. I don't really care. I think they're going to shut me down tomorrow anyway. I think it's a good time to end this quit while we're not bankrupt. I mean, we kind of have, you know, quit before we get before closed. That's the right thing. I think and I think that's the common saying. That's what they say. Isn't it? It's not quit while you're ahead as far as I'm aware. I don't know. I've never been ahead in anything. So yeah, we will end it there. I hope you enjoyed. If you want to stop buying, get a misery meet at any point. Do let me know. You can just pop right in. All right. Yeah. I won't ramble anymore. I hope you enjoyed. I appreciate you as always, folks. It means a lot that you check out my content and you spend your time watching it because I put a lot of effort into it. And yeah, I hope you have a good morning, day, afternoon, night, wherever you may be. And yeah, thanks for watching. Good bye. You think I'd be good at this after a thousand videos, but I can still never do an outro line.