 People, the main issue with having depression is that people very readily assume that it's the same as being sad. Um, it's just complete bollocks. Complete autobollocks, like, it's nothing like that. I can tell you why it's nothing like that. If you think of depressed people, think of what they do. They drink a lot. Not all of them, but to cope, they'll drink. They'll self harm. They'll, you know, take drugs or something and end up nearly every single time in a very emotional and raw state. Very sad and down. Now, why do you think they do that? Do you think they just do it because they have some compulsion in their brain that makes them want to do that? Because they always know that they're going to be sad and that's going to make them feel worse? Or is it because the depression isn't the same as being sad? And that those type of activities let them be in their emotion and be sad and not have this, like, zombie-like state that is being depressed? Yeah. That's not going in the video. It might be. It might be now. I'm not sure. I'm sorry. I'm fucking funny. Welcome today to the ASMR channel. You have a greasy, stubbly face Thomas here today to walk you through some ASMR triggers. And today I'm going to be triggering you with depression. Welcome to another video special. Oh, a little too close though. A little video special today because I'm in my dressing gown. Showing a bit of old man hair there. Can you see it burn? Have a look at that. Yeah. It's pretty gross. I fucking hate it. I wish it would be socially acceptable. It's just completely just get rid of it. That's one of the sides as well. So it'd be really, really itchy because I've done that thing before. And guys, if you're thinking about shaving your body here, just forget about it. It's too much work. Just be hairy and live in your own filth. You know what? Actually, I'm going to put a T-shirt on. I'm not feeling that comfortable in this even though I put it on the video. So I obviously do, but I'm trying to make a narrative here. Just give me it, please. I'm going to put a T-shirt on. How do you like the new T-shirt? It's new and it's from Italy. Hello everybody. Welcome back to another video. I've dragged this intro on forever because... To be honest, I'm having fun with it. What do you think of this? What do you think this is? No, it's not what you think it is. It's a massager. It's for my autism. And it's for the fitness because he's supposed to squeeze out that lactic acid out your muscles. It's not for squeezing out poop. I don't know what you're all thinking about. Deadly person. So today, the topic is... I'm trying to think of two topics that I'm going to talk about. I don't know which one to talk about. I think the most relevant one would be... The difference between depression and sadness. I want to lay it down straight for all you people out there. Especially you people who don't have depression. Or maybe you do, but it's not too good. Or it's not too good. I'm not saying it's good, but not too bad. That's the right word. That's the correct word. It's not too bad and you kind of have a grasp on what it's like to have depression. Especially those people out there who are very logical. Maybe you've got autism. I think logic is the best way to decide dissect things. I understand that completely. I tend to deal with other people as well. But I always have to bring my attention back to myself. Because I've got depression as well. And I don't always deal with it very well. Today, we're going to be exposing some stigmas. We're going to give you a bit of a lower down. We're going to give it to you straight. Not bent. Although that would also be okay. The main issue here is that we've got the main issue. Which is, firstly, people who don't have depression. They're logical. They think they know what's going on. And how to fix it and stuff. So, like, a completely constructive thing here. Actually, I've had some real world examples of this. Where there's been someone who criticizes my way of dealing with depression. I'm not the most stable person when it comes to, you know, like, if I'm having a particularly bad day. Obviously, I don't want to feel bad. So sometimes I will drink on my own. Sometimes. Not a lot. But I do do that sometimes. And when I go to parties, I'll drink a lot more than I should. Nothing happens. Another blackout from drinking or anything. Just got a bit hungover in the morning. And so, you know, my other point is that there's this person who, you know, was criticizing me and telling me that, look, if you're depressed, you know, you have to do this. You have to get your life in order. You have to wake up on time. You have to work. Do this. Have a bit of fun. Go to sleep. And that sounds all great. And I understand how that would work. But the thing is, is that people aren't computers. And although even autistic people are more like computers, you could say. We're not. We're very emotionally driven. Our logical brains are an extension of our emotional brains. The reason for logical brains is so that we can weigh up perceived emotional inputs compared to the emotional input that we're having at the present moment, which is our emotions. So, you know, like, you do a lot of hard work now. You feel bad. You feel bored. But you've got a little perceived thing of positive emotion of being happy and wealthy in the future because you work so hard. And that's how it works. And it's not a separate thing. It's an extension of the emotional brain. When it comes to depression, there's a lot of theories on depression. It's to do a lot to do with serotonin. Serotonin is a big, a big input. It's usually deficiencies in serotonin. It can be caused by anxiety. There's this thing called the, God, I hope I get it. You know, cortical loop structure system, something like that. There's three structures in the brain. One of which is, like, produced the, screens gone off. One of which produces the cortisol and stuff that you get from anxiety and that's supposed to reduce brain, you know, size and structure and connections in a certain region of the brain. And that's been implicated in depression. That's what happens. So, you know what depression is now. It is to do with chemicals. And everyone has chemicals. So you have to agree that if you don't, I'm probably not the best YouTuber to be watching right now. I can't really. People, the main issue with having depression is that people very readily assume that it's the same as being sad. Which is complete bollocks. Complete utter bollocks, like, it's nothing like that. I can tell you why it's nothing like that. If you think of depressed people, think of what they do. They drink a lot. Not on all of them, but to cope, they'll drink. They'll self harm. They'll, you know, take drugs or something. And end up nearly every single time in a very emotional and raw state. Very sad and down. Now, why do you think they do that? Do you think they just do it because they have some compulsion in their brain that makes them want to do that because they always know that they're going to be sad and that's going to make them feel worse? Or is it because the depression isn't the same as being sad? And that those type of activities let them be in that emotion and be sad and not have this, like, zombie-like state that is being depressed. One of the other differences between being depressed and being sad is that sadness is, it comes in waves, really. The waves are very sharp. It's like your emotions are very sharp, so you have waves of emotion. And when you're going through one of those waves of emotion, so if you're having a crying fit because you're sad about something which is completely natural and okay, you'll release a lot of negative emotion. And to compensate with that, your body will release a lot of positive emotions after they make you feel relaxed and make you feel reflective and positive on it. Taking that over to depression. Depression is not like that. Depression is constant, constant sadness in very small doses that increases depending on the severity. And no matter what you can do, no matter what you do, unless it's drastic, like drinking or partying or taking drugs or stuff, that emotion is just going to keep building up and you can't release it at all. You can't release it, even if you're with someone that you care about a lot and you feel vulnerable with depression will stop you from doing that because it makes you feel scared and it makes you feel, it doesn't, it doesn't make you feel good if you were to release your emotion with anybody, even yourself. Crying is extremely therapeutic and people who are depressed can't cry. They can't express the emotion that they have. Just think of the music, like metal, rock, or any kind of depressing music. You know, I listened to Joji music. If you haven't listened to them and you're depressed, give them a listen. Don't be playing it like a life track that I've been doing recently. Like, it doesn't help then, but it can give you a bit of sympathy and empathy and stuff. People may not type in music because it sort of helps a little bit. It's like a little, it's a little release that they can have which isn't drastic like some of the ways of dealing with depression that people have. When it comes to feeling depressed, it can be very easily compared to feeling like a zombie. There's different types of depression. It can be different, you know, it can be bipolar, you can have periods of feeling good and periods of feeling bad. But in general, people who are depressed, they're just in this state of pain. Just pain, like, you can't even describe what it's like. You're just in a state of pain and your brain comes up with all these stupid thoughts and scenarios about things and ways of looking at things. No matter how much you tell yourself they're not true, they still get to you and they still get to you, even though you know they're not true. You could think that your best friend hates you. You literally just could think that your best friend hates you, even though they're hanging out with you a lot and they say that they like you. They say they're having a good time with you. You could still think that they hate you. And that's just how it works because you become so vulnerable because of all this constant pain. People who have chronic conditions, but chronic pain conditions develop depression because of it. Because it's similar, because you're just in a state of pain and you can't do anything about it. You try stuff and you just don't know what you do. You're still in pain and there's just no way out of just feeling horrible about life and not enjoying life and not having fun. And even the stuff that you have fun with, it doesn't do the same. It's not the same. I suppose it can distract you. That's usually good. People distract themselves from depression, but you don't feel good. You just feel less bad in general. There's very rare occasions where I would feel good. I know it affects you because why would you want to do something if you're still going to feel bad even if you do it? There's no reward for your brain to get when I was the same before. There's no perceived reward. And that's why people who are depressed, they isolate themselves from people. They don't see the reward of talking to people being high enough for them to being good enough and feeling good enough from it to warning them talking to people. And there's other stuff. There's feeling hopeless. When you live as something for so long, you get used to it like myself. I wasn't used to it when I was younger. That's why I did all this crazy stuff, like suicide and self-harming just frantically sprawling about and being crazy because you don't know what the hell you're supposed to do. And even going on for like two years, it's still a long time for a child to cope with feeling like that and not knowing why and feeling like nobody really understands why you like this and they don't understand your point of view with being negative and they don't understand you. And if you can imagine that, most of my life is just... I can hardly remember any experiences prior to when I got depressed. Just most of my memorable life is just being in pain and it's bad. And it affects other people. People that love you and they're around you and they're like, are you happy? And you can lie if you want, but... you're not. Obviously you want to me feel better because you enjoy them and you love them and you want them around. But especially with myself, I can't lie to people and if people ask me if I'm happy, even if I'm in a really good situation with someone, I'm not. I'm not happy. There's very rare occasions where I am. It goes in cycles. Like through the year it dips and it goes worse and it gets happy and it gets good and then it goes down. It just adds to the whole cyclical sort of experience. It's just at the point where it's like, even when you're happy, you know that it's gonna go to shit. It's all gonna go bad. And that's what it feels like. So it's just even when you're happy. You're like, okay, I'm gonna enjoy this happiness. But there's still that little voice in the back of your head that knows that you're gonna get depressed again. And before you say it, it's not self-defeating because I know that it's not the truth. It's just a little thing in the back of your head that makes you feel that certain way and it impacts you a lot and it stops you from getting motivation for stuff and it adds up. You know, if you miss stuff, it's gone off again. If you miss stuff at school or work or something like that, it builds up and it keeps building up and the motivation keeps dropping and your will to live keeps dropping and your pain increases until you just have a breakdown and that's why people have breakdowns because it's cumulative. That horrible feeling, that pain that it accumulates because it affects you in very minutely small ways that over time it has sent you to shit and pardon my language, obviously, but it's the right word for it. There's no silver lining to it. It's just that's what happens and it's not as simple as you're sad. Do these things that are proven to make you not sad. Go do it. It's like telling someone who's in chronic pain who has extremely aphoritis, rheumatoid aphoritis to go for a jog. It'll help your aphoritis. Yeah, sure, it will. But you'll be in a lot of pain and you'll probably get panic attacks because it's so hard and you don't want to experience a lot of pain and shit for you. But you've got to do it for a day. You've got to run for a day and then you've got to do it the next day and you've got to keep doing it. You've got to keep hurting yourself, making it worse. Every day just keep doing that and then you'll be happy. It's like for how long? For how long is it going to take? And is it for certain? Is it sustainable? Is it going to work? Is there a chance of depression? Nothing. You can't. You can't do anything. Nothing has any perceived value over. Just trying to comfort yourself in the moment. Just laying in bed, going to sleep, sleeping in. That's the only thing that makes you feel good when you're severely depressed. Playing games. Eating. Not thinking about anything. Trying to focus yourself on stuff that you like. Playing games. Watching videos constantly. All that kind of stuff and people with depression do that. If you're watching this, you probably agree with me. You know what it's like and you just keep doing it anyway because it's just the nature of it. But it's just because someone's in this state of mind. I'm speaking from who is depressed, I am depressed. But I also know what it's like to not be depressed. And I've got a lot of things that I tell myself because of them. It's another thing. It's people who they don't understand it very much. They see people who are depressed and people who have mental illness as not strong, as weak, as emotionally mature like a kid. And they treat them like that. They patronize them. When they're trying to give advice, they'll patronize them because they don't understand. One of the things that I've been thinking of recently is actually a little plug-in for the Instagram at Thomas Henley TKD made a little post on depression and I was comparing how life is for other people. So you'd think a gladiator fighting the line. Okay, it's pretty hard. I can say it's pretty tough to fight a line. And it's hard, it's going to take a lot of work and training and yep. What it's like for someone who's depressed it's on a whole other level. It's like it's like trying to fight like a 10 foot tall demon that just mocks you. You do some training and stuff and then you throw a punch at it and it just sort of like dissolves into like like a mattress you know, just like a cushion and you just like punch in a cushion and you just like pushes your head away into the dirt. That's what it's like. It's just that it mocks you and it's so enormously powerful that what can you do? It's like with the line you can do stuff there's a possibility of you getting through it but I'm talking my feelings of course but you're faced with this impossible task that it seems impossible and you've just got to keep doing it. That's what people keep telling you all the time. Just do this you keep doing it and people, as I said but you could be you could be like Hercules and you still couldn't beat this massive demon you could be the strongest person on the earth but as soon as you've got to fight that demon instead of that lion there's no there's no help in that there's no way of defeating it the only way you can defeat it is by making that massive demon smaller not making yourself stronger because it doesn't matter how strong you are the eyebrow really it's one of the only things that I would try and pick myself up on but I'm an extremely strong person I've dealt with a lot a lot of shit and a lot of mental health issues and a lot of personal issues a lot of stuff and I can say that it doesn't matter how strong you are it will get to you when you're watching this it wouldn't and you'd be different and you wouldn't feel the suicidal thoughts and you wouldn't want to hurt yourself for no reason and you wouldn't want to drink so that you make yourself sad so that you can have an emotional release it's not like that get over yourself if you're depressed I can tell you you'd be surprised at how hard it is you can't look down on people they're trying if they're trying and you're pushing it to the side you're just thinking they're lying why would they lie about something like that they're suffering a lot and they can be strong and they can be powerful and they can have a lot of logic you can have anything in their arsenal but as soon as that demon's just a little bit too big it just mocks them a little bit too much there's no help it just takes time it's going to make you it's just a combination of luck supplements counselling all those kinds of stuff it just shrinks the demon down a little bit distracting yourself, doing well at stuff shrinks it down shrinks it down and as soon as you forget about it it creeps back up in you not always you can escape from it but for a lot of people out there it's what it feels like and it's not like sadness sadness is cathartic sadness is good it's human being depressed is just it's just some mental torture that's being put on you and you have to enjoy it and you have to enjoy people not understanding how much you're in pain there's no way of telling is that whether people are overreacting or underreacting but isn't it better just to assume they're telling the truth and they are actually suffering that much but yeah it's been a bit of a deep video I think it's a good video I'm quite proud of this one I'm not doing that great to be honest guys I'm trying my best I'm pushing through it I've spurred this growth Tom is certainly going to push through it and I know I am going to it's just, it's incredibly hard I'm going through a really tough period panic attacks in the morning you know just not being able to sleep issues with eating can't work, deadlines coming up can't work on them, can't concentrate even if I do get myself up just depression it just gets in the way of your brain you just lose all your energy and motivation for stuff and it's just what I want to get out there and I want people to understand it that there is a reason for all these disability services for people who are depressed at uni and stuff I suppose you could argue that we're not suited for it I guess but if you think about a lot of the great minds out there do you think a lot of intellectuals aren't plagued with these kind of issues do you think they're not plagued with this intelligence it goes with depression it's usually very highly correlated with it so is that bad? I don't know we've got to have things in place in society we've got to have people who understand and people who will make the effort to befriend people who are in a bad place and put themselves out there for the other person and if someone who is depressed seems to be taking advantage of you or you feel like they're not appreciating you enough you need to tell them the other thing is depression stops your energy so even a small amount of effort on your part for someone else can be massive for you to do that but they might just see it as something small and that's the one of the issues in communication obviously it's a different video I'm going to end this soon if anybody is going through depression drop a comment give drop a comment tell me about yourself tell me what you're going through I'll try and help if you need more go to my facebook page just drop us a message on there I'll try and get to it and obviously if you're having trouble with it right now when you're having suicidal thoughts get yourself onto a hotline yourself and all that kind of stuff I hope this has helped people who are depressed hopefully it can be a bit of a mental break for you considering that you obviously put a lot of expectations on yourself to be able to deal with this but you can't minimise the extent at which it's a horrible disease because it is it's not an easy disease it's not one of those things that it's you are, you're ill and you have to recognise that you have to take it into account with your actions and feel proud of yourself for making those efforts it's really important it is for everybody else out there who's watching this who isn't depressed it can be a bit hard hitting if you take me seriously if you don't take me seriously you can just add it into the whole understanding the whole oh, I understand it all you have to do is do this and it'll be fixed I hope I've changed it if you are like that then I've changed my idea and if I haven't maybe I've given you some more things to think about either way anybody who's watching thank you very much for watching my videos if you haven't watched a video of my own before and this is your first video gays off on that subscribe button click the little notification bell and I'd really like to see you guys keep commenting and getting involved in the community that I'm trying to build here I feel like it's going to be really good it's really positive and yeah give it a like if you like the video I'd love a little like maybe let's try this I'm going to do the little goal for likes let's do 25 likes let's get 25 likes on this video apparently it helps exposure so maybe it does work I'd love a little like, thanks that would help but anyway thank you for watching man don't forget to like the video and don't forget to subscribe see you