 The saying, I don't see you as disabled as a compliment, reveals that we actually think disability is a negative thing, is a bad thing, is something that we shouldn't be. Microphone, tape, prosthetic foot. Hello there my beautiful, lovely internet friends. The foot mic has returned. This way no one can ever accuse me of putting my foot in my mouth when I say the wrong thing because I'm doing it to myself. I have strep throat so if I look and sound a little bit off that would be why but I've been cooped up for three days and I needed to do something. So let's talk about this thing that I often get told that a lot of disabled people get told when they're active and they look healthy or they look like they're doing normal things that I think is meant as a compliment but in all honesty, is anything but that. Yesterday as I was going through comments I saw this comment where again someone was congratulating me on not seeming disabled. So when I lost my leg about four and a half years ago a very good friend of mine said, Joe I don't even think of you as disabled and I know that she meant it in the very best possible way. What she meant is that she still sees me as one of the normal people, like I'm not different to her, I'm not outside, I haven't changed as a human and those are all good things, right? And it felt kind of funny at the time but I didn't think about it much further but as years have gone on and I've continued here on YouTube and I've shown you guys some of the cool things I've been able to do like run a 5K or snowboard or get active in the gym I'll get this comment a lot. Like wow, you don't even seem disabled. I don't even think of you as disabled and it's always said as like a badge of honor like a compliment like you did it, you rose above. I shouldn't be gesturing with this full mug of hot tea. Little throat coat tea, it's amazing. Got a little nub and rest here now. So as I've had time to reflect on this over the years I've realized why it rubs me the wrong way and why it may come across wrong to a lot of disabled people. So on the off chance that you ever thought this you've ever said it to someone, anything like that I wanted to explain why it is not the compliment that many people think it is. I think that this comment more than perhaps any other reveals how we as a society still think about disability. We don't think of it as a good thing and not even like as a neutral thing we actively think of it as something that should be avoided. Something you want to overcome, something you shouldn't be seen as. It's a compliment and if I tell you you don't even seem disabled to me, right? Here's the thing, speaking for myself I am absolutely the definition of disabled and I don't say that to draw pity or be a victim I say it because it's accurate. If you look at the definition of what that medically and also in our society means, I'm disabled. All that means is that there are abilities that the average person possesses that I don't. I'm never gonna be able to walk on my own two feet again because as you might note I lost one of them and I still don't know where it went. If you have any clues hit me up, let me know, still looking. But the thing is that disability is not a bad term. It's not a dirty word, it's not an insult. In fact, it is something that most of people who find themselves in the disabled community fully embrace. I'll never forget when I was like 13 or 14 and I first injured my ankle which eventually led to my leg amputation and someone who was very close to me and my family sat me down and said don't ever let anyone make you think of yourself as disabled. You are not disabled. As I was dealing with a very serious injury that would be disabling to me and eventually lead to losing my leg. It was like this heartfelt desperate warning of do not think of yourself like those people. Oh, and I say that out loud and it makes me feel so icky because in a way it also establishes like a hierarchy of disability. Like if you're making it look normal you're one of the good ones not like those other ones that make it look so abnormal. The creation of this like good and bad disabled person hierarchy makes it really difficult to go through your journey authentically. It also creates sort of more internalized ableism. Like I don't wanna be seen as like the bad kind of disabled. So I'm gonna try to hide it. I'm gonna try to overcome everything. I'm gonna go past my own boundaries and limits and damage my body. So I seem normal. That's something I see way too often. Especially when I first became like visibly disabled. You feel like in your core that society wants you to appear as normal as possible. And if you check that checkbox of seeming normal, seeming like the rest of us then we'll accept you. Then we won't give you as hard of a time. Then we're even gonna call you inspirational and say nice things about you. But if you don't reach that mark if your disability causes you to struggle and people see that then that's where like the actual negative comments come in. Then that's like where all of the don't let your disability stop. You don't let it get you down. Like that kind of stuff starts coming in and where a lot of like the more gross comments that I don't feel like mentioning here start being said. In a lot of ways I feel like it's calling someone differently able. You're not disabled. You're just differently able which is like the bane of my existence. I've mentioned this in so many videos. I hate that term because no, I'm not differently able. I am disabled. There are things my body cannot do will never be able to do. And that's okay. That's just a reality. I adapt, I get through it. I seek help. I figure out new ways to do things but I am not the same as an able-bodied person and ignoring that reality invalidates so much of my experience. I feel like saying it's okay to be disabled is a little redundant and shouldn't have to be said but it's a fact. It's just a reality of life for like 25% of the US alone population. A lot of people have disabilities and that shouldn't be overlooked because we might be uncomfortable with the term or we don't understand it or we think of it as a bad thing. It's just reality and by acknowledging that and accepting it enables us to better live lives to seek accommodations that we need to take care of ourselves well. No matter how much I do or if I make something look natural or not it does not detract from the fact that every aspect of my life to some extent is adaptation that I will never not be disabled. I'm never gonna regrow my leg. It's not coming back even though my sweet niece asked me the other day when it's gonna grow back and I had to break the news to her that honey, it's not. To which she responded good because your leg is cool which I thought was very sweet of her. For me personally as someone who has been able to live what appears to be a very active life like I do as much as I can because it's something that brings me a lot of joy. When you say I don't see you as disabled it is also very invalidating of all the additional work and effort that it takes for me to be able to live life. In a video clip that you see me doing box jumps at the gym which is super fun, super cool. I love being able to do that. What you're not seeing is the months that it took to learn how to use a prosthetic running blade is the many days that I can't even get that thing on because it hurts so bad is the changing in and out of the parts and pieces as I get to the gym. Go from my walking leg to my running leg have to bring an Allen key to make adjustments to the angle depending on the day. Run out of energy so much faster because the energy needs of your body when you're using a prosthetic are so much higher than if you have two legs so I'm burning a lot more calories. I have to eat a lot more to fuel my body to be able to do these things. You're not seeing the price that I pay afterwards because it can indeed cause a lot of pain. You're not seeing the days I may have to take off in between doing things like a 5K or snowboarding like the week after that I can't freaking move because I was able to do that one thing which was awesome but the cost that it comes at is not something that I can avoid whether or not you know someone else might actually see that. I don't think it's some grand secret that we do have this underlying current of thinking of disabled as something bad or worse in society which is something I hope that we continue to overcome and face because it's not. It's a morally neutral thing. It's just a fact of life. Realistically it's like saying someone's a brunette. Okay, you might like that or not like that depending on who you are but they're a brunette. It's not good or bad. It's just a fact. I'm disabled. It's not good or bad. It's just a fact. It is a portion of my reality. It's a small part of my identity but it is important to acknowledge and see because I cannot escape it. It's not something I can get away from. I just want to repeat that I know that the person leaving this comment I know that my friend who said it I know that people who say it to me in passing don't mean a gosh darn bad thing by it. They mean it with like the purest of intentions but I wanted to shed some light on the underlying message because I'm sure this is something I would have said years ago, right? Like as a compliment to a friend, like, yeah, you're doing it. You're making it through. Look at you persevering. You don't even seem disabled. As I finish recording this I wonder if anything I said just made sense. My brain's a little scrambled from the antibiotics and the exhaustion and the pain of strep throat. By the way, guys, I think I've become a big baby but strep throat is like the worst thing ever. I've had it before. It's been like annoying but this time for two days straight I wanted to just sit in bed and sob at how bad it felt. It's like there was glass in my throat, pity me. I'm just kidding, don't. But I mean like if you wanted to throw some pity my way that'd be okay. Just kidding. It's rough. If you're sick, if you have strep I heard it's going around. I hope it lays off of you and takes it easy and that you don't get it. But with that, I'm gonna go ahead and disassemble my camera setup and go back to sleep here but I appreciate you taking a few minutes to listen to my perspective on that. I'd love to hear your comments down the section with the comments, you know, the comment section down below on if you agree, disagree. Have you said this to someone before? You know, what was your intention? I'd love to hear your thoughts and conversation down below. I don't get a chance to respond to every comment but I do read the vast majority of them so I always appreciate hearing your thoughts. A huge thank you to all my patrons over on Patreon for sponsoring these videos, for supporting what I'm doing, your generosity is forever appreciated. And to you, watching this video right now. Thank you for spending a few minutes at your day here with me today. You could be anywhere else in the world doing anything else. You chose to hang out with me for a few minutes and I really appreciate that. I love you guys, I'm thinking about you and I will see you in the next video. Bye guys.