 I'm starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Larry Stevens, and your school is not welcome. Ladies and gentlemen, today we're coming down the home stretch of our radio season. So, before starting our final show, let's go out to Jack Benny's house where Jack is taking another violin lesson from his famous French music teacher, Professor LeBlanc. But before we go, let me ask you a question. Can it be the trees that fill the breeze with rare and magic perfume? Oh, no, it isn't the trees. It can, on the southern north. I keep telling you, not that way. Play it again. Yes, sir. Let's see, let's see. Can it be the trees that fill the breeze with rare and magic perfume? I don't know, but I smell something. Something with leaves. But Professor, I've done so many exercises. I'd rather play something like souvenir. Very well, very well. Play it, play it to anything. Thank you. Seed like sheep, not cheesecloth. Well, maybe I ought to get my other violin. If it gets freezing, yeah, never mind. Shall I play souvenir again? Maybe later, but right now, let us get back to the exercises. And this time I will count for you. Yes, sir. One, and two, and three, and four, and... Let me know that you are striking, then your thumb, you're not hitchhiking. Maybe not a little thinner, I don't want to lose my thinner. I am sorry I left Paris, you are even worse than Harris. Miss Shabrini, Miss Shabrini, how long have you been playing your violin? Oh, I play the violin since, well, since I was a little baby, a little baby. Yeah, in fact, if you look closely on my violin, you can see my teeth mark. Miss Shabrini, after hearing you play, those could be anybody's. Now, wait a minute, I'm telling you to teach me not to insult me. If I'm not playing so well today, maybe it's because my fingernails are too long. Long fingernails have nothing to do with it. Well, your fingernails are short. They were long when I came in here. Sitting around a lot. For heaven's sake, maybe I can spend it a little longer. Just spend more minutes than it lets me. She is through. Finished? That's right. Then you will give me the other half of that five-dollar bin. Yes, yes, of course. Now, if you don't mind, I'll go back to Sylvain here. I wouldn't care if you went back to walk Egan. No, you... Goodbye, Miss Shabrini. But Professor, I am going back to the cash bar. Goodbye. Hello, Egan. Oh, Rochester. Rochester! You may not be going out, and I told him I wanted him to drive me to the studio. Oh, well, I'll call Mary. She'll drive me home. Mary, not so fast. Oh, Jack, why is it every time I drive, you're so jittery. I can't help it. I'm as nervous as a cat. Well, stop arching your back and sit down. Don't drive so fast. Well, if you don't like the way I drive, why don't you take a taxi cab? You know very well why. The last time we rode in a cab, we had that horrible accident. Oh, yes. The cab hit a bump and the meter jumped a dollar and a half. I don't mean that time. Besides, my insurance covered it. But anyway, as long as I'm riding with you, take it easy. And, Jack, next time get Rochester to drive you to the studio. Well, he was supposed to, but he left the house without letting me know. I wonder where he went. He's up to those. Mary, look out. Oh, there you go again. Turn on the radio and relax. Okay. I'll turn on the short way. Maybe I can get some police calls. Calling police cars 17, 21, and 43. Calling cars 17, 21, and 43. Drive your cars to the corner of Fort and Vermont and see Mad Man Month. He'll give you the craziest crisis. I better try another station. Does Vivian know that her sister Edith is trying to steal her husband? Will Gwendolyn be arrested for putting arsenic in William's creamed mint? When will they realize that their innocent looking border, Mr. Winterbottom, is really a Japanese saboteur? And the tramp who's sleeping in their cellar is none other than Robert Dalton of the FBI? When will mother realize that the sticky stuff which is ruining her victory garden is the start of an oil gusher which will make them all millionaires? Kill me again this time tomorrow for another chapter of the Johnson's, a typical American family. Now, you know, that's my favorite serial program. Oh, last week, you said the same thing about the adventures of metallic cronk pipe, girl horse doctor. Well, I guess I'm the sick old type. I'll get another seat. Ladies and gentlemen, are you embarrassed by getting five o'clock shadow at 3.30? Suffer from moist, oily skin. Would you like to have your eyes dry? Why not try a sim for these two men? Our sponsor and our quartet. I'm going to miss them during the summer. I'd like to miss them right now. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for the feature spot on our program where we interview interesting personalities from all walks of life, I bring you the butler of a very famous man. Your name, please. Did you hear that? Yes, so that's where he went. Rochester, I understand that you've been in Mr. Benny's employee for over 10 years, looking for a man like Jack Benny. Sir, I'd like to bring up an interesting question. Is Mr. Benny really as cheap in private life as he is on the radio? I'm blabbing about my private affair. Quiet, Jack. This is what every girl should know. Oh, yeah? Now, Rochester, there's one more question I'd like to ask you. There's been a lot of speculation about Mr. Benny's age. Would you tell us how old he really is? 36. Hmm, it's about time he got to the truth. How do you know? He's been 36 years since I've known him. Thank you. Certainly tell him a thing or two when he gets home. Well, Rochester... Hey, Mr. Wilson. I told you, sir, Jack hasn't heard yet. What do you think we ought to do? Don't worry, don't worry. W. C. Fields drinks the whole court. That's all, fellas. I was taking a violent lesson, and I completely lost track of the time. Well, how do you like that? This is the first time you've ever been late, Jack, and it had to happen. And what have we done now? Maybe that's why it's our last program. We're only off in the summer and we'll be back in the fall. This is a fine time to tell us we're going off the air. I just hired a new tri-fingress for my band. A new what? Tri-fingo. It's a guy who plays the tri-fingo. Phil, Phil, there's no such instrument as a tri-fingo. I know, but the union says you've got to have one. I meant to tell you, Larry Adler called up and said he was going to drop in to rehearse those numbers you're going to do with him on your overseas tour. Oh, yes, I'm expecting Larry. And, kid, listen, when I come back in the fall, I want you to know that we're all going to be together again. For the same sponsor, the same station at the same time. And the same salary. Yup. And now, ladies and gentlemen... Since this is the... Mr. Benny, who's going to take our place this summer? Oh, our summer show is going to be Wayne King and his incomparable music. Wayne King, if they wanted unconquerable music, why didn't they hire my orchestra? Why didn't they hire your orchestra? You tell them, Larry. Why didn't they hire your orchestra? You tell them, Don. If this ever gets back to me, I'm stuck. You're stuck and you've got an extra trafingo player to keep you company. Trafingo is. Imagine an instrument of trafingo. Whoever, only Phil would know about trafingo. There is another musician in the world that would know about a trafingo. There's no such a thing. Say yes. I've got a surprise for you. What is it, Mary? You know who else is coming back on the air in the fall? Who? Fred Allen. Fred Allen? Yeah, you'll be on the same day you are and on the same network. Well, I'll be. So Allen finally got a job, eh? Who's he gonna be with? Standard Brand. I don't mean his jokes. I mean his sponsors. Well, I picked him in the fall. And now as I started to say, ladies and gentlemen... Well, Jack, I'm sorry to interrupt you, but since this is our last program, I took the liberty of inviting the mother of a very dear friend of mine to come up here to the studio. Oh, fine, Don. She can sit right over here. Well, thanks, Jack. But first, I'd... she'd like to meet you. This is Mrs. Riggs. This is Jack Benny. Oh, how do you... how do you do, Mrs. Riggs? How do you do, Mr. Benny? Don tells me you're the mother of a very good friend of his. Yes. You see, my son is in radio too. Oh, really? What does he do? He's a tobacco auctioneer. Oh, a tobacco auctioneer? Then your son is L.A. Speed Riggs. You know, he's on my program. Oh, no, no, Mr. Benny. You're on his program. Oh, oh yes, yes. Well, Mrs. Riggs, your son... your son has a very unusual occupation, a tobacco auctioneer. How did he happen to get a job with Lucky Strikes? Well, who else would he go with? Speed Riggs and Lucky Strikes were made from the finer, the lighter, the naturally milder tobacco. Yes, but how did Speedy know that? Oh, he's known that for years. In fact, while other boys were wasting their time playing baseball and football and going with girls, Speedy used to stand out in the tobacco field all day long holding up that big leaf. Yes, I've seen those pictures in magazines. He's been looking till you look. Well, Mrs. Riggs, the leaf too. I mean, Mrs. Riggs, now that we've talked... Mrs. Riggs, now that we've talked about your son Speedy, before you go, wouldn't you like to say a few words to him? You know, he's listening in New York. Oh, may I? Certainly, go right ahead. Oh, thank you. Oh, Speedy! You know, I'm glad... You know, he really said something to her then, you know? I'm glad you must ask her how she felt. I'm glad you introduced me to her, Don. I knew you'd like her, Jack. I wonder what F.T. Boom's mother is like. Folks, since this is our last... Come in. Could you bring your harmonica with you so we can rehearse for our trip? Jack, I did. And I also brought along a new musical instrument which I just invented. A new musical instrument? Mm-hmm. Made out of a comb, a piece of tissue paper, and a burned-out electric bulb. 60 watts. A comb of 60 watts was that little. Now, you know what I hate about when they put in extra words that takes up time when you run over length. You know what I mean? Why can't they read scripts just the way they're written? Very good. We thought that was funny. Funny, we would have written it in. A piece of tissue paper and a burned-out electric bulb. What do you call an instrument like that? A trafingo. Oh, so that's a trafingo. Well, look, Larry, how about rehearsing our stuff? I'll grab my violin. We'll go to work. Okay, something Spanish. Wait a minute, Jack. Why don't you let Larry play a number first? Something's gonna do alone. All right. What's it gonna be? I'm gonna play Laura. 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