 Viva Brothers Company, makers of swan, the soap with the exclusive super-creamed blend presents. Our friend, swan, with my friend, Irma. Mary Wilson is Irma, and Kathy Lewis is Jane. Friendship, friendship, just a perfect land ship. When other friendships have been forgot, theirs will still be hot. Viva with a population the size of New York's, they're bound to be many people like yourself. But if one thing I'm certain, in all New York, yes in all the world, there can only be one Irma Peterson. How do I know? Because only one person thinks like my beloved roommate. For instance, the other day I was reading the newspaper and I said Irma. Yes, Jane. Listen to this headline in the paper, higher meat prices predicted for 1948. Isn't that awful? Oh, it sure is, Jane. It's going to give a lot of people an inferiority complex. Inferiority complex? Yes, I heard that the human body is only worth 97 cents. Why should a cow be any better than you or me? I would try to find an answer for that, but right now I'm more concerned with Irma's heart than her mind. You see, Valentine's Day is nearly here, and with the approach of any holiday with the least romantic significance, Irma becomes certain that Al is going to propose. She felt that way on Mother's Day, on Father's Day, in fact on every holiday except Labor Day. She knows that that's the day when Al hides. But I know that she's banking heavily on the culmination of her dreams this Valentine's Day, because right now she's down on her knees in front of her hope chest, examining its contents. Believe me, such contents no human eye has ever seen in a hope chest. In one corner she has stacked bottles of root beer, mission orange, cherry, soda, and pox. Irma, what is the idea? Maybe when Al sees all that pop you'll want to become a father. I see, and what about that calendar, honey? You've torn off all 12 months. Why? Well, they say when you get married the first year is the hardest, and I don't want to know about it. Sweetie, I don't want to be cruel, but what makes you think that Al is going to leap into action now? Valentine's Day is coming. Oh, honey, you said the same thing about leap year. You were going to land him on the first day of leap year. Well, it was fate. I was a good leaper, but he was a better ducker. Irma, do you seriously intend to marry Al? The moment he asks me. You intend to have children, don't you? Six. Six? Four of each. There may be twins, you know. Yeah, well, that's what I'm driving at, honey. You see, children need food, they need clothes, they need education. Well, I was going to educate them myself. I know, honey, but after kindergarten... Well, then Al will take over. All right, then after reform school. Oh, look, Jane, I know what you say is true, but I love Al, and I want to marry him. I'm just going to let the future take care of itself. Oh, Irma. Now please, Jane, my mind is made up. Oh gee, I'd better hurry to the beauty parlor. I'll be late. Honey, why do you keep spending money on the beauty parlor? You have such wonderful, naturally curly blonde hair. Yes, but people keep saying there's so much that needs to be done to my head. See you later. Oh, it's you, Al. She just left for the beauty parlor. She'll be right back. What? You're shopping for her Valentine present? What would she like? Gee, I don't know. Where are you shopping? Near Tiffany's? How near Tiffany's? Oh, the five and ten. Oh, look, Al, will you come over here? There's something very important that I want to discuss with you, huh? Yeah, while Irma's gone, please hurry, will you? Bye. It's only me, Professor Kropatkin. Jane, I hope I'm not intruding. No, Professor, not at all. What's on your mind? Well, I'm going away for a week and I want to sublet my room. Does this add read right? Well, let me hear it. Wanted gentleman to sublet room must be insane. Oh, Professor, don't be so dramatic. If there's as much wrong with your room as you say, why call Mrs. O'Reilly up and put your foot down? This is impossible. If I put my foot down in that room, I go right through the floor. Well, Professor, I sympathize with you, but I've got other things on my mind. What's wrong with Irma now? Well, she's made up her mind that she's going to marry Al. And you are worried that he won't be able to make a living for her, huh? Well, you know how long it's been since he worked. Yes, that was when the Normandy turned over. Yeah, yeah, and he tried to sell the life preservers for white wall tires. Jane, you've got to be philosophical. You know, there is an old saying, all the world is a stage. How does that apply? It don't. This is only a consolation if you ain't got money to go to the movies. That's Al. That's Al, Professor. I'm expecting him. Come in. Oh, Jane. Oh, hi, Professor. Hello, Al. Well, I got to be running along. Don't you want to hear about my new deal? Look, another deal he's got. What is it this time? Shaving cats and selling them for Mexican chihuahuas? I stopped tampering with animals, but got a natural. It's a pair of binoculars with built-in pictures of pin-up girls. So when a dame drags her husband to the opera, he'll have something to look at. How's the sound? Like all the others. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go up to my room and feed my birds. Birds? What kind of birds do you have? I don't know. When you haven't got any windows, you don't know what you're going to get. Well, Jane, what did you want to see me about? That's so important. Well, Al, I want to talk to you about Irma. She loves you, and since she has no family within 1500 miles, I'd like to talk to you like… well, like her father would. Fair enough. Now, Al, just what are your intentions regarding Irma? Well, Pop, I'll tell you. I love Irma, and someday I hope to give her my name. What else? What else? Yes, what are you going to do about a job? Well, I… I sent an application in. Al, that was a year ago. Boulder Dam is finished. Forget about it. Al, you have got to go out and get yourself a job. Oh, now look, Jane, you got me all wrong. I'm not against work. It's just that a man like me has got to pick the right spot. What do you mean? Well, I'm not the kind of a guy that can work for somebody else. I feel I'm a born leader. Got to do things on my own. Maybe I got that same drive that you find in men like Edison, Marconi, Louis Pasteur, and… Rip Van Winkle. Well, look, Jane, that's how I am and nothing's going to change me. I'm willing to work, but want to work for myself. Oh, Al, that's ridiculous. Why? Richard works for himself. Are you comparing yourself to Richard? Why, he's a self-made man. Richard could retire on just what people owe him. Well, I could retire on what I owe people. Now, Al, don't joke. I give you my word that unless you straighten yourself out, I'm going to do my best to prevent Irma from marrying you. Well, I've got to go down and meet Richard now, but this isn't the last that you've heard from me. Oh, hello, Chicken. Hi, Jane. Hello, Al, honey. Oh, Al, your ears are burning. I bet you were talking about me. Yeah, Chicken. I was just telling Jane how much I love you. Oh, Jane, isn't Al the answer to a girl's dreams? It all depends on what she ate before she went to bed. Oh, I've got to run along now, kids, but you think about what we discussed, Al. Bye. Well, what did Jane mean, honey? Ah, the dame burns me up. Just because her guy Richard is loaded with dough, she keeps harping on me to get a job. Well, Al, I think if you loved me, you would. If I loved you, Chicken, how can you hurt me like that? Hurt you, Al. If you only knew how thoughts of you stay with me everywhere I go, in the subway, the wheels go clickety-clack, clickety-clack, but in my ears, they're saying, erm, erm, erm. In the park, the wind caressin' my cheek is just a soft touch of your fingers. Even in Coney Island, when I'm throwing baseballs, your face is always before me. Al, that's beautiful. I'm sorry I doubted your love. Don't want you to be sorry, Chicken. Just want you to understand my problem. You see, there are two types of men. The weak-willed, who are always on the defense, and the strong-minded, who like to take the offense. Oh, I understand, Al. I've never found anyone more offensive than you. Thanks, Jane. See, that's why, by nature, I can't work for anybody else. Well, why don't you work for yourself, Al? Well, that takes cash, Chicken, and we'll just have to wait until I can get my hands on some. Oh, Al. Oh, what's the matter, Chicken? I'm so tired of waiting and waiting and waiting. I'm afraid my children are going to be older than I am. Can't be helped, Chicken. Oh, back already? Oh, hi, Richard. Hello, Al. Jane has been telling me that you've been making snide remarks that I owe my success to the fact that I was born with a gold spoon in my mouth. Well, that's ridiculous. You would have choked to death. Irma, please. Now, Al, what you say is not true. I had to work for my success. Though I admit my father gave me $1,000 to get started with, but from there on, it was up to me. So what? If anyone gave me $1,000 with my business mind, you'd see a new sign on Wall Street. J.P. Morgan and Al. Oh, Al, I think your name should come first. After all, you're putting up the money. Irma, Irma, will you just stay out of this? Look, Al, what you're trying to tell me is that the only thing you want is a start. Right? Right. Okay, Al. I've got a proposition to make. Now, Jane and I are terribly fond of Irma, and her future welfare is our chief concern. Now, since you say you can't work for anyone else, but must be on your own, well, we want you to have the same opportunity I had. So here is my check for $1,000. Oh, I couldn't accept it. It's certified. Oh, that's different. Okay, Richard, thanks. Now I'll show you. Now remember, Al, it's a loan, and it must be used in a legitimate business. A legitimate, huh? Well, it may slow me down a bit, but I'll think of something. Say, ladies, how would you like to have a luxurious mink coat? Well, then, find out about the exciting Lieber $100,000 fur contest. Hello. Oh, hello, Daddy. Say, listen, how would you like to have a real mink coat? No, I'm not kidding. You really can get one by winning one of the Lieber fur contest. All you have to do is tell why you like one of these, swan soap, luxe flakes, luxe toilet soap, life boy, rinse-over spry, and we can enter as many times as we want to. Well, I have to dash. Turn on your radio right now, and you'll hear more about it. Bye. There are 1,645 prizes in all. $329 each week in this $100,000 contest. Each week, the following prizes will be awarded. One gorgeous $3,000 mink coat. Three $1,000 fur coats. Five smart $500 fur jackets. As well as many other prizes of valuable furs and cash. And, ladies, you may choose your own coat at your favorite store when you win, or you can have the cash. Now, here are the rules. In 25 words or less, tell why you like any one of these six Lieber products. Swan soap, luxe, luxe toilet soap, life boy, rinse-over spry, and close a wrapper or box top from one of them. Print your name and address, and the name and address of your dealer, he'll help you. Also, be sure to get your entry blank from him. It will give you all the information you need. This contest is limited to the continental United States, Hawaii, and Alaska. Mail your entries to Lieber fur contest Box 1, New York 8, New York. Be sure to get your entry blank from your dealer tomorrow. That address, Lieber fur contest, Box 1, New York 8, New York. You may win a luxurious fur coat or cash. So start writing your letters tonight. It's been 24 hours since Al started out to set the world on fire with Richard's $1,000. So far, we've had no word from him. I'm not confident. Because knowing Al and his deals, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if he buys a $1,000 worth of peas, white washes them, and sells them for pearls. Honestly, I'm really worried. After all, I was responsible for Richard lending the $1,000. Irma, what, Jane? Wonder what sort of business Al is going to invest in. Hello? Hello, chicken? This is Al. Now, let me do the talking. Don't want Jane to know it's me. You understand? Yes, Henry. Got great news, chicken. Just bought a sensational heavyweight. Paid the $1,000 for his contract. He's got ten decisions and five knockouts to his credit. Well, that's wonderful. What business is he in? Chicken, he's a fighter. Name is Billy Boy. Gonna make a fortune with this guy. I don't crack to Jane till I get there. Want to see the way her eyes light up when I tell her. All right, George. Goodbye. Irma, I heard you say Henry. Why'd you say goodbye, George? Well, uh, they're partners. Irma Peterson Was that Al? Was it? Well, you'll never find out from me. Al would hate me if I told you. What business is he in? I can't tell you until he does. Oh, well, all right. Then I won't try to guess. There's no sense in my knocking myself out. Oh, you guessed it. What? Knocking yourself out, he's a fighter. His name is Billy Boy. What? A fighter? Oh, Irma, you... It's only me again. Jenny, why do you look so distressed? Oh, Professor Richard loaned Al a thousand dollars to go into business and he bought a prize fighter named Billy Boy. Sleeping Billy Boy? I know him well. He was married to a little waitress in the gypsy theorem. They finally got a divorce. Viding? Yeah, she was always beating him up. Ah, that's what I figured. Oh, why did I ever talk Richard into this thing? Well, maybe Billy Boy's making a comeback. Who knows? If they get the right match, he might win. Oh, who with any kind of a name could he beat? Uh, Margaret O'Brien. Hiya, folks. Well, I did it. Well, what's all the noise? Hey, Jane, why are you staring at me like that? You haven't heard the good news. Oh, you heard the good news. Well, I didn't tell her. Al, she guessed. Al, how could you do this? Now, wait a minute. She doesn't even know the man. I admit the guy's been knocked out in his first ten fights, but he's coasting. Who wants to find the right spot? Where? In the morgue? Now, look, Jane, I never was a chump and I ain't one now. Got Billy Boy booked to fight gentlemen Jim McKenzie and I'm going to clean up. Oh, well, you're out of your mind. Take it easy, Jane. Before you start condemning me, why don't you come down to the gym and take a look at my book? Oh, let's go, Jane. Gee, I haven't been to a gym since I went to school. Wait a minute. Where are you going? To get my midi blouse and bloomers. We're at the gym. Al, myself and the Bloomer girl. An over pounding the punching bag is Al's fighter. Yeah, there he stands, a mass of something. I don't think he's very solid because the electric fan is on and he's rippling. But he does have an interesting face. Two large, bushy eyebrows. No, my mistake, that's his hairline. The man has no forehead. I don't know how to describe him quickly. Let us just say that if you printed the word brandy on his Adam's apple, he could pass for a St. Bernard. But I must say he has quite a punch. Now he's shadow boxing. He swings his right, he swings his left. Now he's down. I think his shadow hit back. No, no, he slipped. Hey, Billy Boy, get up. What happened? Sorry, boss, it's just trick knee of mine again. Trick knee? Well, you didn't say anything about that when I signed you. Don't like to talk about it. Does it bother you often? Oh, no, only when I fight. Every time I get set to throw a punch, my knee buckles. And while I'm bending over to see what's wrong, they let me have it. But don't worry, boss, in a few days I'm as good as ever. Well, Al, I have to congratulate you. Most promoters are satisfied just to buy a regular fighter. You, you have to be fancy. You have to get the collapsible model. But he kept it a secret. The guy I bought him from said he was fast on his feet, very shifty. How should I know every time he shifted, he went out of gear? Now that I've seen your fighter, I'll run along and tell Richard that he's poorer by a thousand dollars. What a businessman. Oh, Jill, I think Jane's unfair. Oh, chicken, she's right. Billy Boyle getting the ring, and in one minute he'll be down on his knee. Well, that's not so bad. That's the way Al Jolson started. But I can't sing. Oh, Al, don't be downhearted. Ah, please, chicken, what's the use of kidding ourselves? This guy is nothing. I've been taken, gypped, swindled, and there's only one honest thing to do. Well, what, Al? Try to unload him on somebody else. In a place like that, there's only one man who can help us. Who Al? Who else but... Hello, Joe. Al, got a problem. Wanna unload a boxer? No, not a dog. Wait, I'll take that back. He is. His name is Billy Boyle. Yeah, that's the guy. Joe, I'm stuck with him. How can I unload him without people finding out about his knee? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Put Irma on his lap and sell him for a ventriloquist. Look, Joe, I'm in no mood for gags. I gotta think fast. So long. Nothing doing, Al? No, it cooked. Out of my way. I'm ready. I'll kill him. Hold it, Billy. That's not the gong. Hello? Hello, Stillman's Jim. I want to talk to Al. Yeah, this is Al. What do you want, Richard? I understand you're not the financial wizard you set out to be. Don't rub it in, Richard. Now, what I mean is that I hear that you took your investment and didn't put it in, shall we say, a solid piece of furniture. Well, he's solid all right, but how can I know he'd turn out to have gate-leg knees? Well, look, Al, a Jane's here in the office, and we want to talk to you. Come over here right away. You've gotten us all in a mess. I'll be right over, Richard. Goodbye. Chicken, it's murder. Can't work for others. Can't work for myself. Just don't know how I'm gonna make a living. But, Al, what if Billy Boyle beats Gentleman Jim McKenzie tonight? Oh, Chicken, he's got no chance to win. I tell you, the guy's a bum. Oh, gee, you sound like my own mother. Well, I gotta go square myself with Richard. I'll see you. You know, Miss, I don't think he has any confidence in me. Mind? You see, Al can't work for himself and has to be the boss. And Richard has always been the boss and has money, so he let Al money so he could be in business like Richard, who has a gold spoon in his mouth, which he got from his father to buy you. That's a little hard for me to follow. You see, I'm a little punchy from fighting so long. Well, then I'll tell it to you more slowly and clearly. You see, Richard wanted to invest, so he left Al to invest in you because of Richard's girlfriend, Jane, who rooms with me. But you being a bad investment, I can't get married. Not to you or Richard. That is because I belong to Al. Lady, how long you've been fighting? All my dreams have been shattered. I'll have to go back to Wisconsin. Wisconsin? You're from Wisconsin, lady? Yes, I'm Irma Peterson. How do you like that? I'm from Wisconsin, too. You are? When's the last time you were there? Oh, not since I started fighting. They won't let me back in the state. There's a big debate going on over me. What is it? Wisconsin is trying to prove that I was born in North Dakota. Oh, they're ashamed of you? Yeah. You see, I never want to fight. Well, why not? You're big and strong and you're from Wisconsin. Have you no state pride? Yeah, I'd like to win so I could go back to Wisconsin, but it's my knee. The minute I get in a ring, it buckles. I look down and the next thing you know, it's 4th of July. Fireworks all over me. Well, well, don't look down on your knee buckles. Look up. Think of Wisconsin. It will give you courage. Well, I want my state to be proud of me. Tonight, when I get in the ring, I'm going to be a different man. I'll murder gentleman Jim Mackenzie. Gee, I guess it was fate meeting you. Two lost souls, both from Wisconsin. Oh, that's right. And keep it on your mind tonight when you're fighting. Wisconsin, the dairy state, the home of the contented cow. The dairy state. I must remember that. I must fight for dear old Wisconsin. Well, goodbye. I won't say good luck. I'll just say, move. The fight, the gong for the opening round, is just about to sound. Gentlemen, Jim Mackenzie is coming into the ring, followed by his trainers. Here comes Billy Boy, supported by his trainers. Al is beaming proudly. He's waving at the boxing commissioner with one hand and taking cigars out of the referee's pocket with the other. Now he's come over to join us. Got the hand of the Richard Jane. He's got a great financial mind. Smart of him to make us all better than Mackenzie to beat Billy Boy. In that way, we'll get even and make a little. Well, things like that account for my success. And to use a Wall Street term, it's called protecting your investment. Say, here comes Irma. Yeah. What is she doing with a cow bell in each hand? What's the difference? The fight's gonna start. Yeah, sit down Irma. Fight starting. Well, there they go. Both fighters are in the ring. Gentlemen, Jim is pulling back his left. There it goes forward and there goes Billy Boy downward. Well, folks, let's get ready to collect our money. What are you going about? Well, you'll see, Jane. See what? Oh, my goodness. When I'm now seeing no one would believe Billy Boy is up. But not for long. He's down again. Six, seven, eight. See, Jane. Oh, honey, be quiet. Billy Boy is up. He's a different man. Now Mackenzie's down. Jane, I did it and it was all because of my moving. What are you talking about? Well, we wanted Billy Boy to win and when I found out he was from Wisconsin, I got him to fight like a man. Irma, this may be news to you, but your moving has just cost Richard $3,000. You see, we bet on Mackenzie. Oh, I'm sorry, Richard. I thought you wanted Billy Boy to win. That's why I moved. You see, we're both from Wisconsin. Wisconsin? Irma, you were born in Minnesota. Well, this is a fine time to tell me. Ladies, now with Swan Soap, you can get the kind of complexion care you've been dreaming of. Sure, because Swan's exclusive super-creamed blend gives you a wonderful new kind of beauty lather, a rich, mild beauty lather that cleanses so gently and rinses away so completely, your skin is left fresh, smooth, lovely as ever. So for perfect complexion care, make your regular facial soap, Super Cream Swan Soap. My friend Irma presented by Swan, another fine product of Lever Brothers Company, produced and directed by Psy Howard. Tonight's script was written by Psy Howard and Park Levy. Frank Bingman speaking. Sprite. Cakes are light and high. Sprite. There's a reason why. Sprite. Cakes improve with Sprite. Rely on Sprite. You bet there's a reason why Sprite is the cake-making wonder. Sprite has an amazing cake-improver secret. Try the sure Sprite one bowlway and be certain of lighter, finer, richer cakes every time. No other type of shortening has Sprite's cake-improver secret. For new cake-making success, Rely on Sprite. Pure, all-vegetable Sprite with cake-improvers. Rely on Sprite. SPRY. Rely on Sprite. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.