 I'm not even entirely sure how to start this. I feel like this goes against everything I say, usually, but I feel like everything is closing in right now. That may sound melodramatic or overdramatic, and I understand that. Hi, Sadie. She knows when I'm upset. I'll just tell you what's going on. So this past Monday, I got ready for my MRI. Good morning, I am off to my MRI. I guess the, I wouldn't say ankle MRI. I guess it's like a trans-tibial MRI now. We're gonna see what's going on with Gary the Gremlin, the lump who just won't go away and hopefully get some answers today. We'll just see what happens. Wish me luck. For those of you who don't know what's going on, I had this lump. It's a weird word, I know. On the end of my amputated leg, my residual limb, whatever you wanna call it, that just wouldn't go away. It's been painful, it's been weird feeling, it's been weird looking. It hasn't changed at all in like three weeks to a month now. Kind of been there for a while, but it got a lot bigger about a month that got a lot more painful. So I was like, okay, something's going on and I haven't been allowed to wear my prosthetic leg or anything like that. I've had to take it super easy, like keep it compressed and all that stuff. So eventually I requested an MRI because nothing was changing and went in for the MRI. What do you think guys? I think this is the new fashionable. Looking fine in those hospital gowns, got that done. I had to wait a couple of days and then last night I got a call back from my surgeon. Essentially what it is is a bursa or bursitis. The bursa around my bone is all messed up. It's angry. And it's possible that it could go away on its own, but it's been a month, it hasn't. And also once this is an issue, it will always be an issue. So even if it did go away on its own, it would come back eventually. And these are injuries that are either caused by a fall which I had and or they're caused by repeated motion or brought back by repeated motion. And this is a part of my leg that my prosthetic leg would rub on. So even if it did, even if there's some way I could get it to go away, it would come back eventually. And so my only option is to have more surgery. That may not sound like a big deal, but to me it is. I'm really tired of people cutting into me. I obviously accepted the fact that if I had amputation surgery, who knew what was gonna happen, right? Like there could be complications, but the reason I had that done amongst many others was because I was so tired of having surgery after surgery and living surgery to surgery. And now I'm just gonna have more surgery and there's another one possibly on the table after that, which I'm not gonna talk about at this time because I don't know. Today I'm sad and super overwhelmed because we're supposed to fly to Ireland in like four and a half weeks and I don't know how that's gonna happen. And I'll be honest, I don't know if I want the surgeon who did the amputation to do this surgery because frankly he didn't do it the way it was supposed to be done. And I like him a lot as a person, but I have questions. And that means waiting a month to get an appointment with another doctor. And then that means waiting weeks after that to actually go into surgery, which means another two months of delay in this whole fricking process. And I haven't had any improvement at all in the past. Like I was further along in my recovery in early December than I am now because at least I was kind of walking then. And now I can't do anything. Everything is temporary, right? Everything is temporary. All of this is just right now. But right now it feels really overwhelming. And right now it really feels like a problem. And I can't like get back to work and I can't do the things I need to do with life. And I'm not entirely sure how to handle that. Like how we're gonna make this work. Setbacks are a part of the process, but I feel like I had a bunch of those already and I didn't want more of them. And I'm so grateful to have my husband who supports me a hundred percent and my family who's here for me and my friends who are here for me. But I also feel like crap because I just feel so stuck. I don't see like the path. You know, there's just so much uncertainty and so many questions. And it'll be like another two inch incision to take this thing out. It's not just like a little arthroscopic surgery. It's not like a huge big deal, traumatic surgery or anything like that. But it's not a tiny itty bitty little thing either. And it would be at least a month until I could get back on a prosthetic leg if things went according to plan. I guess I'm just scared and overwhelmed and not sure how to manage things. All right, well, with that fun piece of information out of the way, I also did want to let you guys know that about five minutes before I got that phone call, I did release these t-shirts, but they're not these t-shirts, they're these t-shirts. A lot of you guys requested my artwork based on previous videos that I put out. And I've never done this before, but I did work with a t-shirt company called Bonfire whose t-shirts I have bought before. So I can attest to the quality. It's super soft. This is the women's version. This is one that I designed a while ago. Let it hurt, let it heal, let it go with some, you know, plants. But the one I designed is based on an anchor that I drew a couple of years ago. I wanted it to center around a message of hope. I actually have an anchor tattoo. People make fun of me because it says I refuse to sink. And they're like anchors sink Joe, but I'm like, whatever, it's art. But anyways, this is a women's small in the women's cut and there are a lot of different options like sweatshirts, long-sleeve shirts, v-necks, just unisex t-shirts. I will be working with another t-shirt company in the future for different ones that have more colors and more sizing options. This is just kind of the first one because I know and trust this company and want to make sure I was working with a good one for this guy. So check it out if you're interested. I would love if you would purchase one if that's something that you would like to do. Can anyone else notice how the saying on the t-shirt could really apply to the rest of the video? Like, hey Joe, maybe you should anchor yourself in hope. Yeah, maybe someone's already commented that by this point in the video. I get it, I do, and I will. Ironically, I also, I think you guys know this, have the word hope tattooed on me. Also, all of the tattoos on my body have something to do with hope. I really don't have any option but to be hopeful. Otherwise, I'm an epic hypocrite. But there are days where I really don't want to be, but I just made a t-shirt about it and I tattooed it on my body many times in different ways. So you best believe, eventually, I'm gonna be hopeful. Finger guns are always appropriate, by the way. The actual anchor t-shirt that I designed didn't get here in time, so I wanted to announce it for you guys so you would have a chance to actually purchase them. They will be shipped in a couple weeks to you guys and I will definitely show them to you as soon as I actually personally get them. But I wanted to show you an example of the t-shirts themselves in real life, as well as online. So check them out. Also, for reference, this is another shirt that I bought from Bonfire on another campaign. This is a size small in just the unisex. Link is in the description down below and I've also put it up right, no, it's over there. Put it up right here as well. So thank you guys for listening to my bit of a downer video. I just wanna let you guys know what was going on because you all have been so amazing to follow along on my journey and looks like I will be taking you with me to another surgery, one way or another. I'm not sure when yet and I'm really not sure what's going to happen but I know that it will be okay. I know that I don't feel that way right now like at all. I feel super overwhelmed and like I just wanna curl up in a ball on the couch but also I know that I will look back on this video a year from today and think, wow, I am so much further along than I was then and I look forward to that day and that is what keeps me going and keeps me looking forward and yeah, thanks for listening. Thanks for being here guys. I adore you all. Your support means the world to me. I'll talk to you guys soon. Bye.