 Well hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm your host Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, Men Value Women They Earn or Men Value Women They Pursue. Wrong! Okay, I'm sorry for being so blunt but really quickly if you're new to my YouTube channel check out the link below to hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can get notified of new content. Okay, Men Value Women That They Pursue Wrong! You know there's this fantasy, I'm sorry there's this misconception it's a it's wrapped in a fantasy that men value what they pursue. In other words if they pursue something if they make a tremendous amount of effort they will eventually value it. In other words they will put it up on a pedestal and set it apart from everything else on the planet. Okay? I mean let's think about this for a second. This is the ongoing narrative that a lot of dating coaches are telling women that men value what they pursue men value what they put effort into it and I'm here to say this is a crock of shit. I want to stick my finger down my throat and so let me give you an example and I'm going to use my son Colin that's him right there and the graduating boy right there. Back when he was 14 he wanted to buy this video game and he worked really hard and he worked really hard to save up money to get this video game and then this video game came out on midnight at Best Buy so we went there and stood in line from five in the afternoon because he wanted to get it right away and he worked really hard he put a lot of effort into it and we stood in line and waited waited waited we got inside the store shortly after midnight when it opened and he got this video game and he played it and he played it and he played it and then a new video game came out and he did the same thing and another video came out and he did the same thing he worked hard and he valued it until he no longer cared about it so where is this perception that when we work hard for something we value it that is a crock of shit we only value what we genuinely appreciate and in today's world this is the biggest issue that we're dealing a relationship is a lack of appreciation for one another in fact this is one of the fundamental challenges with men and women today because we literally begin to take things for granted let me ask you a question have you been to a funeral ever I'm sure you have right when you're at a funeral and you're hearing the eulogy and they're talking about this wonderful person who's your friend someone you care about a loved one maybe and you think to yourself when you leave I'm not going to waste one more minute of my life I'm going to go out and live life to the fullest and then three days later you go right back to your old routine what happened you said you were going to live life to your fullest but you went back to your old routine men value things that they earn my son worked hard and valued it and it was on the shelf a month later it's because it's human nature we don't value what we earn and so don't buy into this narrative because a guy works hard in the beginning of the relationship that means he's going to be all in for the rest of his life because we know that's a crock of shit and ladies you're buying into a narrative that you know subconsciously doesn't work anyway so stop buying into it and when others give you this advice don't buy into it as well this is when the reason is why a really good relationship fails because you're under this notion that a man has to put in effort and effort and effort and effort and effort because if he doesn't put in effort he doesn't value but think about this have you heard the story where you take a boiling hot water right and you drop a frog in it the frog is going to jump out really quickly okay as soon as he jumps in the water he's going to drop he's going to jump out okay but if you put a frog in lukewarm water and then you turn up the heat and it slowly starts to simmer it's going it's going to eventually die but the point is a relationship is a slow simmer it's not a full-blown massive effort means he loves you it doesn't mean he loves you a genuine real relationship is built through time through trust through commitment and if you're not familiar with the book eight dates read this book so you can understand the mechanics of a healthy happy relationship because a relationship isn't built on the the effort has to be mutual you're both at the 50-yard line giving effort to one another when the effort is mutual and consistent it has the greatest chance for success it's not the man going past the 50 past the 50-yard line to bring you to the 50-yard line it's that you're meeting each other on the 50-yard line of effort because when effort's imbalanced it's like this you're your efforts here and his efforts here where does that make sense I know I wouldn't date a woman if her effort is here and my effort is here I want our effort to be mutual I want it to be like a ping-pong game where it's a mutual dance of working to getting to know one another but this fantasy that men make effort when a man pursues a woman it's going to work out that's wrong I'm just sorry it just drives me nuts when I hear this rhetoric so stop buying into this dating advice you get the gist of where I'm going I think you understand hey look you might have something to say so you think you know better than me why don't you post a question and tell me why that's gonna why that has worked in the past because if you're watching this channel there's a chance that your past experiences didn't work and maybe this is one of the narratives that you bought into from all these other coaches to tell you that men are make effort and don't get me wrong when a man likes you he's gonna put in effort that's not the issue but men don't value what they pursue narrative is just a crock of shit and that's I mean that's all I'm here to tell you so don't buy into that okay all right again if you have a question please post it below this resonated with you and you wanted some help with a guy because you're dating a guy and you're pulling your hair out check out the link to discover a schedule of discovery called to see if working with the coaches right for you okay I'm gonna wrap up this videos I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic job to bear a hug of self love just like my book what the heck is self love anyway I'm gonna give you a hug of love I'm gonna ask you to turn to one of your friends and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives thanks so much and wishing you a super duper wonderful day bye bye now