 Welcome back to the 21 convention 2019 of Warsaw, Poland. Our next speaker is a returning alumni speaker to the 21 convention from the 21 convention 2016 of Miami, Florida. He's a good friend, known for many years, he's a huge fan of the company. He told me once that when he was growing up he would watch like endless speeches from the convention like in the tub or some shit. I always found that very amusing. He's also the co-founder of Sasha Day Game and CMO of the Infinite Man Summit and head coach along with them at that company. He's a man who loves his berry very sweet, very dark, darker than the berry sweet of the juice. Without further ado, please let me welcome to the stage, Ryan Black. Hey guys, thank you for that weird introduction referencing black women. So today you can see my talk is lovingly, lovingly entitled, How to be Alpha Like a Man, referencing of course, Nick Sparks' fantastic speeches on this very stage. And over the next, can everybody see the screen, is that a little bit small? Guys good? You guys can see just about in the back, okay cool. So over the next 60 minutes or so, I'm going to try and get through the biggest thing that I see, this is from my own experience in my own life, the biggest thing that I see that holds most guys back from achieving not just a great dating life, getting the girl that they want, but getting everything that they want in life, the biggest number one thing. And I'm going to go through five traits, there's definitely probably more. I'm not saying these that are definitive five, but five of what I think are the most powerful traits that if you adopt them, you become more alpha. And that's one of the reasons I think that we're all here today at this conference is to learn about that. And I will be giving you some actual things, some actionable stuff that you guys can do that you can implement today, tomorrow, while you're here at this conference to start seeing those mindset shifts and those changes happen and start seeing some results in your own life. Does that sound like something anybody would be interested in finding out more about? Okay, cool. I know it's towards the afternoon on the first day, so let's get moving. So very, very briefly, very, very briefly, who the hell am I and why the hell should you listen to me? So I'm using that slide, which is a picture of me, at 2016, presenting on this very stage. And it reminds me of a story, which is I presented in Miami and I walked off the stage and this guy came up to me and he was a German guy, definitely, definitely German. He may be here in this audience today, which would be super awkward since I'm going to tell this story. And he comes up to me at the end, he was like, dude, that was super inspirational, man. And I was like, oh, thank you. And he's like, oh, no, because you know, to see the results that you've been able to get, and yet, you know, you're nothing special. And I was like, oh, thanks, he's like, no, but I mean, really, like, you're just some fucking loser. And yet, you know, you're able to get all these women, it's like you're just this joke. And I was like, oh, OK, cool, thank you. But that's very much the point. You know, I see guys, I see comments on, you know, my YouTube videos and stuff like that. And people saying things like, you know, who is this guy to teach me how to be fucking alpha, like, look at him. And that's very much the point, because what I want to show you is that it's not about what you happen to look like or what your history might be and what might have happened to you and where you're at in life right now. It's not about any of those kind of arbitrary things that you can't really change. What it's about is it's about your mindset. And when I get into mindset and teach it, I find that the principles and the mindsets are much more powerful than just do this technique or say this one thing. I don't know if anybody's been down the road of trying to learn techniques and strategies and tactics and feeling like it ends up feeling a little bit manipulative, like learning all these routines maybe. Anybody know what I'm talking about? So I'm going to get into that. So that's not a typo. My back story is I found what was then the pickup artist community in 2006 when I was towards the end of a long-term relationship with the only girl that had ever slept with me, who was not particularly attractive, but she was the best I could get. And I was staying in that relationship out of a feeling of scarcity and out of a feeling of fear, of what if I leave this relationship and then I'll be alone forever. And I was dealing with this issue with a friend of mine. I was talking to him. And I asked him his advice, you know, should I, this is the only girl I've ever been with all the way through university, should I just stick it out with this girl or should I get married and that's it? That's kind of my life. But always in the back of my mind thinking, is there something more? Like, could I do better than this? Is this really it? Is this all I can get? And he said, I know exactly what I can do to help you. I know the answer to this question that you're asking me. And the next day he came and handed me a copy of a leather-bound book that looked like a Bible, which was the book called The Game by Neil Strauss. And so I devoured the whole thing and I was like, oh my God, there's these psychological techniques I can use to manipulate women into sleeping with me. Fantastic. That's just what I need. Because then it doesn't matter how ugly I feel and how much I hate myself, I can get them to sleep with me no matter what. So I embarked on that journey. Pretty soon I split up with that girl and went on a multi, a two-year journey implementing everything that Mystery Method teaches into my own life and going out to nightclubs and everything two, three nights a week. And over the course of those two years, I slept with how many women? Would you like to guess? I like this guy lower than that. Who said two? Have you seen me speak before? That's exactly right. In fact, hey, I have these things. If you, for good audience participation, I've got Sasha Peeway, Brennan Condoms. So you can get one of those for answering correctly. So that one's probably not stapled through, but check. So yeah, in two years of implementing all this material, all these techniques, all these lines, all these routines. I slept with two women in two years. By my calculations, that's one woman every one year, which is not great. It's not great. It's not the massive result, certainly, looking at the book that I was expecting, that I thought I would be able to achieve with all this material, with all this knowledge that I knew. And by year three, I was ready to give up. In fact, I wrote a post on one of the pickup internet forums basically saying this whole thing is a bunch of shit. And if you're super attractive and have six pack abs and you're a millionaire, then maybe this stuff can work. But for a regular guy or a below average looking guy like I believe myself to be at the time, and according to many people on the internet, I still am, if you're just a regular guy like me, then this stuff doesn't work. This stuff isn't possible. So I posted that in year three. And then around 2010, I discovered this guy. And he was going around the streets of London at that time, doing everything that Mystery Method told you not to do. He wasn't DHVing. He wasn't dressed super cool with trendy clothes. He wasn't going into nightclubs and tipping people five bucks for a drink of water. He wasn't even negging. Yet when I watched his material, when I watched him interact with women in his day to day life on the streets of London, just outside, there was something there that I was like, wow, this is really powerful. Because in those moments, he was just present. He was having fun interacting with these women. And even though he was doing stupid stuff, he was saying the wrong thing. He was making mistakes. He was DHVing, doing stuff that was silly or stupid or you're not supposed to do. None of that seemed to matter. And I was like, wow, this is interesting. There's something more there. And so I said to myself, look, I've spent three years now of my life trying to do everything. I possibly can, going out, doing all this stuff, reading all this free material, and none of it's worked. Maybe it's time I invest in myself and find someone who is getting the kind of results that I want to get and seems to be having a good time doing it, and would just be the kind of person that I'd enjoy hanging out with and having a good time with. So I invested in that course, in Sasha Day Games Bootcamp in 2010. And it was crazy because I was coming from a place where I cared deeply about what other people thought of me. I came from a culture, relatively repressive culture in the UK. Many of you might understand that. And when my parents had told me my whole life, it's important what people think of you. You have to make a good impression, never do anything that might make you embarrassed or make other people feel uncomfortable. And I was just this ball of anxiety and repression to the point where, through university, I would avoid even walking around in the kind of the main road where everybody went to go to class and stuff like that. I would avoid walking down it because I didn't want to have the awkwardness of maybe running into someone that I know and then not recognizing them or having someone wave at me and being like, oh, shit, I don't know if I know this person. I was so afraid of these little, tiny interactions over the course of the day and doing something that would be like a faux pas or be rude or be embarrassing that I just fucking avoided the whole thing. My whole university career was pretty much a big party that I wasn't invited to because I was so scared of making a social mistake that it was easier to just avoid it. Anybody here ever felt that they were afraid of making a mistake or afraid of something going wrong? They avoid things in their life. They know they should do. Yeah. So coming from that place, I entered into this course. And within the first few hours, I had a radical, radical shift in my mindset, my beliefs about myself and my beliefs about women, my beliefs about attraction to the point where, within three hours, I turned to Sasha and I said, I could go up to anybody and say anything. And I literally don't give a shit what they think. And that wasn't some moment like, oh, I was on a boot camp or some training and we're all in state. And then two days later, I'd kind of gone back to where I was. That's a belief I have now that's never gone away. Now, if you look at me on social media, we were just talking. I'll say whatever the fuck I think and I don't give a fuck what people think. And that's a very, very powerful belief to have. It's a very powerful thing to not just kind of think but know. And so what I've done is, over the course of the last few years, is I've kind of identified, tried to analyze. Why is it that I was able to have such a profound shift in such a short period of time? What beliefs, what mindsets changed in me that enabled me to get these results? And when I say results, I mean, after that course, remember I'd slept with one chick and then a couple more over the course of a few years. Within two or three months after my training with Sasha, I was dating two girls in London at the same time who were both like model quality women. Within about five or six months after my boot camp, I was dating six different girls in London at the same time, all of them model quality. And they all knew about it and it was completely ethical and they were happy to do that. And that was so far outside of my reality of what I thought was ever going to be possible for me. And some women, some of those women were like, there's some white ones as well just to say I am equal, I am equal opportunity, but I just have a preference clearly. So, really, really attractive girls to me anyway. So, and then I went on to have this kind of, this lifestyle that is based on this idea of freedom. And I want to share some of these mindsets with you guys right now. So, number one, either making your own rules or at least not living your life according to other peoples. So, Steve Jobs, the great Steve Jobs had a great quote. Your time is limited. Don't waste it living somebody else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other peoples' thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. Great, great quote. So, what are these other peoples' opinions that we seem to live our lives by? Well, there's this idea of this narrative of how our life should be. If anyone wants to just kind of shout out like, there's kind of a timeline and certain things and certain milestones that we're all supposed to do according to how our life should be, right? You're born and then what kind of stuff happens? You can just shout it out. Go to school. I'm gonna talk about that in a sec, yeah? Get a girlfriend. Yeah, which is never explained, right? It's like, get a girlfriend. How? Well, that's not covered in this endless 18 years of education, right? It's like a super important thing. You're supposed to do it and get married and have kids, but how? No, no one tells us. What else? Get a job. You're supposed to have a job. You pay your taxes. 40% of your income has to go back to the government. Anything else? Get a better job. Yeah, yeah, right? And this idea, right? It's like the more, through university and getting a job, there's this narrative, there's this idea. It's like, you go to school, you get all this information first, and then the better you are at amassing that information, then the better tests you'll be able to pass in the future, and so the better job you'll be able to get at the end of all of those tests, right? I graduated in 2008, right? Which is right at the bottom of the greatest financial collapse since the Great Depression, right? A lot of you are probably similar age to me. How's that whole, you're guaranteed a job after university going for anybody else? Super awesome? Yeah, no, right? This narrative is, there's a reason for it, right? It made sense to our boomer parents at the time when they lived through the greatest economic expansion after the war, but it doesn't even map to our reality right now. Yet most people will never even push against it or even question it. They'll just be like, well, that's what I'm supposed to do. So school was another one. So school's a really interesting example. Anybody know when school was invented? Not sure it's in this exact town by this guy. So around the industrial revolution, essentially there was an issue that people who owned factories had, which is that they needed workers for their factories who were going to basically do very monotonous tasks for very little money and stay working at that factory and not just make a bunch of money and then quit. So school was designed not to make sure that everybody was as smart and as bright and as well educated and as free thinking and as able to analyze arguments as possible. Certainly not educate people to be able to think about themselves and decide what they want to do with their lives. School was designed as a way to make sure that most people coming through it were as conformist as possible and would be able to be pushed into a factory and go, ah, this makes perfect sense. I'll do this all day without questioning it. What happens at the end of each period in the classroom at school to let you know it's the end of the period? Bellarines. Bellarines. What happens at the end of a shift at a factory? That's not a fucking coincidence. Pavlovian. Pavlovian, exactly right. So the question is, so I'll come back to that. So the question is, look at these, try and analyze these rules that we just unconsciously adopt and ask yourself, well, does this rule serve me? Is going along with this rule actually serving me and improving my life or making it better or making me more able to accomplish the goals that I actually have for myself? And if it doesn't, you can discard it. There is no gun to your head, right? There's a few rules that pay your taxes, especially in America, gun to your head. 100%. Going to school, you know, you can homeschool your kids if you want to. I sure as fuck will. Most of that stuff, there's no law. There's no gun to your head saying you have to do this. It's just everybody fucking does it so you don't question it. So ask yourself, does it serve me? So there's a great word that Vishen Lakhani, the founder of Mindvalley, which is like a 50 million dollar personal development company now, in his book, The Code of the Extraordinary Mind, he calls them B rules, B rules, for bullshit rules. So they're rules that are just like, they exist and they just, they're holdovers from a previous time, but you can just, you can question them. So an action step, a thing that you can do, you can write down right now if you want to, or later, is take stock of those rules that you've kind of maybe unconsciously adopted and just taken on and ask, you know, are these serving me? And the ones that aren't serving you, the ones that are actually maybe preventing you from achieving what you really want to in life. You know, write those down and question them. Try and find out, well, what's the inverse of that? What's the opposite of that? And then look for evidence that's going to confirm that. So a huge one, not necessarily endating. There's a huge one from our parents a lot of time, people who struggle with success in business. They often have this unconscious rule from their parents, which is something like rich people evil, right? Or money is the root of all evil, right? So people unconsciously adopt this thing that's like, well, if I want to be rich, I have to be evil. I don't want to be evil. Guess what? You're pushing money away, right? And how many rules, especially from our religions and from our cultures, have the same kind of moral negativity associated with sex and expressing sexuality? Well, if expressing my sexuality is wrong, then, and I'm unquestioning that, then I'm going around not being authentic and not communicating with women in a true and in an honest way. Cool. So if we choose to go, okay, look, I don't want to, you know, there's some rule. There's some rule which says I'm not supposed to, for example, you know, go up and start a conversation with that girl over there because it'll be weird and sex is wrong and, you know, it's harassment and that's what society tells me is wrong and all this stuff, right? So I have all these rules that I'm now going, no, I'm going to question that, right? I'm not going to abide by that. I'm going to throw that rule away and now it's like, I'm totally fine. I'm going to just fucking do it. So you start training them to start saying, I'm going to go for what I want. Something stops you. You see that girl walking past or whatever? She's absolutely beautiful. You're like, fuck all the rules. I'm going to do it and then you go to do it and then something happens. Something happens up here. Something happens in here. What happens? What does it feel like? What do you start thinking? Everybody's just like, oh, I just fucking go up to her and talk to her, no problem, right? So you start thinking, what if, what if what? I didn't hear, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, essentially, what if somebody sees, right? What if she rejects me? What if people laugh at me? All this stuff, right? So a lot of what ifs. Anything else? What you're thinking or what you might feel? That's, you're going to get one of these guys too. Because that's just, that's literally just what I'm about to cover. So that's great. Give it to him. Give it to him. Yeah, you don't, you have to say something. Cool. Right, it's a feeling. It's this feeling, essentially of, right? Oh, yeah, that's some proof. It doesn't matter. There's some feeling of fear. Where does this fear come from? Guilt. So there's these, there's some of these rules and this repression coming from society, coming from religion, et cetera. What did you say? I'm sorry. Yeah, I know. There's something, there's this, something might happen. I don't know what it is. It's better to be safe and know, right? That's what I, that's what I spent years in my life doing, right? That avoidance of social situations was because I don't know what's going to happen. So I'd rather have the safety of being alone than the potential discomfort of being social. So, and it's very, very interesting because the feeling of that fear does feel exactly the same as the fear of I might die and there's a very, very good reason for that. When from understanding evolutionary psychology, we understand that we lived in tribes of 20, 30, 50 people and in those tribes, social rules were designed to make sure that the survival of the tribe was paramount. Anybody who deviated from the social rules that ensured everybody would survive, the punishment was to be cast out. So for example, if you went and hunted a elk and you had this big elk on your back that you just hunted and people are like, oh great, you've got food for everyone and you went, nah, fuck off, this elk is mine. I'm going to finish it myself. Then you would be a dick but you'd also threaten the survival of everybody else and there's no way you're going to finish the whole thing. You should share that with everybody. So if somebody repeatedly did something like that in society, in these tribal societies that we are from and our DNA is programmed us to think according to, then you would be cast out and being cast out from the tribe, you might survive by yourself for a bit but you certainly wouldn't reproduce and therefore to our DNA and to our programming, breaking a social rule is the exact same thing as being killed. Does that make sense? It's insightful, isn't it? So this is a key thing to understand is we are pre-programmed based on 100,000 years of evolution and our society now is very different. So we have certain behaviors and certain social rules and things like that pre-programmed into us and one of the biggest things that comes along that's a program that's pre-programmed into us and that basically short circuits in our modern world which is nothing to do with the world that we used to exist in is this little thing we call the ego. So you can just shout out, what do you think I mean when I say the ego? This guy's fucking really switched on, this is good. So that's definitely part of it, yeah? So he said the idea we have of ourselves or I might say our perception of ourselves and how we want ourselves to be viewed by other people. So around the age of five, six, this thing starts to form and we know we don't really have it at an early age because if you have kids who are around whatever, three, four, five or you have nieces and nephews that are around that age and you take them to a playground, right? You take a bunch of kids around that age to a playground as soon as you arrive and you sit down and what happens? What do they do? They just run off and start playing and if there's other kids there, they just fucking talk to them no problem. I don't think maybe this has happened but I doubt very much that either your kid or your nieces and nephews around that age has come back to you in a playground and been like, hey, listen, there's this kid playing on the swings and I want to talk to them but I have approach anxiety. Kids don't have that because they haven't developed this ego thing yet. So what happens is this ego comes along around that age because people start saying things like, oh, you're not supposed to say that. Kids will say the craziest things, right? Kids will just say whatever to people and some of those things can people get offended by and they don't realize because they're just saying what they think but then people start going, oh, you can't say that, it's offensive, it's rude, it's bad, don't say that. And they'll say things like, certain strangers don't interact with them because they're thinking all these bad thoughts so you have to stay away from them. And suddenly all these things about what other people are thinking and what other people are thinking about you start to become very important. And so this ego comes along and says, I will be a mind program that will handle all this for you. I will start to focus in on and start to analyze what other people think of you and how people might react when you say or do something. And it becomes like this filter, this two-way filter. So suddenly it's filtering away a lot of stuff and only focusing on, oh, that person's looking at me like, oh, they're not sure and is that person talking about me or whatever it is? You know that filter's active, right? When you go into, we're in a room about this many people and everybody's talking, right? You can't pick up on every conversation, it's just a sound of tons of people talking but you're not picking up on any of it. And then what happens when someone says your name? What are they saying about me? Were they smiling when they said my name? Or were they like Ryan? And there's a filter the other way, like a repressive filter. So it's like, oh, I'm thinking of saying expressing this thing in the moment but will people like it? I don't know, I just won't say it. I'm thinking of doing this thing that's like really, really true to what I feel like in the moment and I'm passionate about it, whatever. But will I get external validation if I do it? I don't know, oh, I just won't do it. And so this ego builds up and builds up and builds up. Like a computer, like that, remember that antivirus software, like on PCs in the 90s and you'd install it thinking it was going to help and it just kept taking up more and more RAM until like the fan is on and the computer's like melting and it's using like 99% of all of your processing power to do this fucking pointless thing that you don't even fucking need. That's the ego. It just takes over your mind until most things that you're doing and saying are not because you want to do them or because it's what you feel in the moment but because of what other people might think if you do or say it. And that's crazy. That's crazy because that means that we're living our lives, most of us, if we allow this, if we don't check this ego. It means we're living our lives according to what we think other people might think which you can't even know. It's literally your imagination going, oh well that girl might think I'm a weirdo. So in going for what we want, we have to be willing to challenge this ego. And a big, big thing I see is guys allowing that ego to give them some rationalization. I see this all the time now on people going, oh well, we put out a video the other day and it was Sasha trying to help a guy giving in some stuff about oh you should go approach this girl, it was in New York City. And then he builds up with the guy and tries to help a man, he's like oh you can do it and tries to inspire him. And then right as he's about to approach the guy, he's like no, no I can't do it, I can't do it and he bottles it, which is very, very common, it's totally understandable. And one of the comments was this guy who was like, well she was probably going to report him for sexual harassment anyway. And it's like, yeah, but you know, you can't know that and that's just an excuse. It's just a way out, it's just a way for your ego to be like no, no, you don't need to do that. You don't need to do that. And you do, you need to be willing to go first. A huge, huge thing for me, realization for me was setting my ego aside and being willing to do things very, very different to how I used to do them. I was the guy at school in the front of the class who had all the answers. And let me tell you something. When the beginning of most of your sentences start with, well technically, nobody wants to be friends with you. That need and what that's one of the things that school teaches you that's so bad is this idea that there's something good about being right. The more right you are, the better your life will be. No. And a huge, huge thing was being willing to go first, make the first, just in a social situation, just with people, whatever it was. Just be willing to say a first thing, especially if that thing is like stupid or doesn't make any sense. Or I know it's wrong. Being willing to just throw something out there and just be wrong is so powerful. I'll explain why in a second. But being willing to go first. And that means being willing to, when you see an opportunity, when you see an opportunity in your daily life to meet a girl who's attractive, being willing to make that first move. And again, I see a lot of guys and it's coming from ego going, you shouldn't be chasing around girls and putting them on a pedestal and stuff like that. That's not what this is about. It's about just being willing to see an opportunity and make that first move and go. Because as a man, we are the leader and we need to be willing to go first and make the first move. You have to do that. As much as you want to raise your value and go to the gym and build a business and be successful and all the rest of it. It doesn't matter how great you get in all those areas, you have to be willing to make that first move and go first. Does that make sense? So, an action step for you. This was, who's read, who knows David Goggins? He's read his book? Yeah, he's fucking really, if you haven't read it. The audiobook is great actually because he has somebody else read it but he's also in the studio so they kind of have a conversation after each chapter. It's like a podcast. It's very, very cool. I had the opportunity to see him live at his first and only so far presentation he did in the UK and London. And he has this rule. He has this thing which is just like every day do one thing that sucks as in do one thing that's a little bit uncomfortable. And I would start with one but I try to build them up and do more and more. So for example, some of those things for me at the moment, one thing is taking a cold shower for at least three minutes. It's really uncomfortable but it's a great training for your mind and for your brain to be like first of all to have the mental discipline to force yourself to do it but then also the feeling afterwards is like I push myself through this discomfort and now I feel really good. So a little exercise for you. If being more social, if meaning more women is something that you want to do that's something that you're working on then every day just do something that's a little bit uncomfortable, a little bit unusual in a social situation. It can be as simple as not saying the obvious boring thing that everybody says and for example, you go into order coffee, there's this routine and the same thing that everybody's doing. So everybody who's working there is bored. If you can just go in and say something a little bit that they're not expecting, for example, go into McDonald's and they're like what would you like and now it doesn't even work because it's all just screens now, isn't it? It's not even people but go up to an actual person and they're like hi what can I get you and they're like oh can I get fries with that and they're like would you like fries with it? Just a little weird thing to click them out of that routine that they're in. They're not expecting it. It doesn't make any sense, it's kind of stupid but suddenly they're like alright it's a joke and they're smiling and laughing and now you can build momentum and then you can do something a little bit similar with somebody else that you speak to. You can go and see a guy walking past and he has a cool shirt or whatever like hey man totally no homo but I fucking love that shirt and now he's smiling and then you're in a momentum and then you see a pretty girl and suddenly you've got this momentum to keep going. So you started with this one little slightly uncomfortable, slightly sucky thing and within 5-10 minutes suddenly you're having a really nice natural awesome chat with a really hot girl and it felt like nothing because you built that momentum. Is that useful? Could anybody do that? Just do just a something, a little something? A little something every day? It's a little bit awkward. Number three. So going back to that those hunter-gatherer nomadic tribe days where we got our psychology inbuilt into us hundreds of thousands for hundreds of thousands of years there's this notion of what alpha is that's in the pickup literature and all the stuff in fact it's in a lot of popular culture as well this idea that being alpha has something to do with the dominance hierarchy it's about being physically strong, physically aggressive there's all that material in the pickup world about amog and guise basically making fun of them, dragging them down that is not what being alpha ever was the true alphas of those tribes were men who had very, very good skills skills especially like hunting and in the literature if you're interested in evolutionary psychology and want to research it further it's the work on prestige hierarchies by Gilwight, Boyd and Heinrich and they coined the term prestige hierarchies which is what humans actually are based on not dominance ones we don't fight each other for alpha dominance in packs like gorillas do so what would happen in these tribes is that a guy would become a very good skilled hunter and the rest of the other members of the tribe would thank him and show him appreciation by giving what's called freely conferred deference so they would do what he says not because he was punching in them in the face or threatening to but because they were like this guy is really awesome and knows a lot of cool stuff and is getting us a lot of food that everybody gets to eat so let's actually listen to what the fuck he has to say let's probably do what he says because it seems like he knows what he's doing freely conferred deference, not dominance so what an alpha really is fundamentally it's very simple it's being so good at some kind of skill at social connection at adding value in various ways that you have so much so many resources so much value that you're literally overflowing you have so much that you can feed yourself you can feed your family you can feed your whole tribe and that's why why does the alpha walk with open body language like this not fearing being attacked because who would attack the guy who everybody is friends with everybody likes and who gets all the food for your entire tribe why would you attack that guy in fact the people being physically aggressive are actually the guys who have some kind of insecurities they're like the when you have a big dog and a little yappy dog the big dogs never are the ones that are all barking and shit it's the little tiny dogs who basically go oh I'm in fear I fear this bigger thing so I'm going to start attacking it and being aggressive and being angry that's not fucking alpha so in terms of in terms of integrating this into life it's about coming from a place of always giving value first and this is a huge huge thing because I see so many guys they want to learn these techniques they want to learn this thing and it's all about so that I can get this result I see this so much I see guys on Oxford Street in London where I teach a lot of programs and there's still guys running around doing day game there and they're going into this I see them go up and do the stop or whatever and start talking to this girl and they're smiling and the girl's sort of smiling and laughing and I'm like oh this looks like it's going well and he's doing all his stuff and whatever spinning her around I don't see much of that on day game but you know doing all these things and then I see the moment where she obviously goes oh that's really nice of you but I've got a boyfriend and then he goes fuck sake fuck and suddenly the smile just turns oh fucking wasted my time with this bullshit and it's just to me like that's such a transactional view of of human interaction that like the only reason you did any of that the only reason you were smiling the only reason you were doing any of those things is just so you could fucking get something out of her and as soon as you know that you can't get anything out of her it's like oh fuck this like having a social interaction with another human being should be valuable in and of itself you don't go to what kind of weirdo would be like oh I went to this part I went to my friend's party to make some new friends I didn't even make one new friend it was shit it's like no you go to a party to have fun and hang out and just the experience of being around people and having a few drinks or whatever it is and meeting some friends and maybe meeting some other people just that is enjoyable regardless of any result you get afterwards right if you go into as many situations as you can just with the attentive well I'm just going to give some value and then see what happens without any expectation without needing anything in return then paradoxically the more stuff you'll actually end up getting out of it it's a paradox but it's true and this comes down to comes down to this principle so if you if you go to like I don't know this hotel bar well someone tell me how much is a beer in this hotel bar so fucking cheap here though it's insane but what is it like someone say just I don't know I don't know what it fucking is yeah it's like four bucks right but if you go to the store down the road where they just sell them in you know cans or whatever just in like a corner store it would be like the same it would be like four bucks for like a pack of six right same beer why are people willing to pay four times five times as much for the same physical thing right this is the same beer why are they willing to pay four times as much to drink it here versus drink it in a can from a corner store very good who said that good have you got one of these already boom yeah there's something there's something that people find valuable in the experience of drinking it in a nice you know a nice plush situation versus like drinking it on a fucking street corner right and that's why again people will tag themselves drinking the you know got of the nice beer and the nice fucking thing with the nice setting but they probably won't like selfie of a beer on the street like outside the convenience store boom 711 hashtag 711 probably wouldn't do that right because there's nothing cool about that anybody can do that so people seem to value things even though it's the same physical product there's something about the experience of things that people value and even more so right a bottle of vodka in the store might be 20 bucks how much is it in the VIP table of a nightclub it's like hundreds thousand in London it's 2,000 pounds yeah it's insane right so that's not just an experience it's something it's even more than that what kind of experience is it yeah and it's a status symbol because it's a something experience very good, unique experience right only so many people are allowed in that club right only so many people can have that experience nobody else is allowed in so it's an exclusive or unique experience and so when you when you go around and you do something a little bit unusual if you start a social interaction in a slightly unusual way then that's just a little bit different doesn't have to be fucking insanely weird it's a little bit different what you're doing is let's say you approach your girl and you do it in a slightly different slightly unusual way you're giving that girl a unique experience just by doing it right she's meeting you which is a unique thing she's never met you and rather than doing the same boring like oh hi can I buy you a drink or whatever you're doing it it's just a slightly different way and just by doing that you're giving her the value of a unique experience just by doing it that's pretty cool because anybody can do that I don't need to have any money I don't need to have any status I don't need to have any I don't need to have any SMV what's my SMV anyone but what is what's mine I don't understand this term makes no I don't understand it maybe someone can explain to me but so you don't need any SMV you can give that value to anybody you want at any time and you have infinite amount of that value it doesn't go away I can give value to somebody and whether they reciprocate it or not I still have just as much an infinite amount that's pretty cool because I talked about the billionaire mindset in my last talk so I won't go into it now but that essentially puts you in a position of coming from this place of really really giving value and coming from this place of abundance because all that really happens is I give value and some people value that thing that I give and value it back and reciprocate it great we're on the same wavelength or whatever it is so we can continue that interaction some people are not interested in that value they don't find it valuable that's cool I don't have to hang out with them some people might react negatively to it but is that to do with if I give someone value here's some funny thing here's a little unusual thing here's a little joke and that person reacts negatively is that to do with me or is it to do with them it's them it's 100% them it's 100% them all we have control over is what I do what I say my mindset and my beliefs that's it how people react to that it's irrelevant it's nothing to do with me and I'm going to take that mental all that mental energy I'm not going to waste it I'm just going to go okay cool you're something weird to do with you now I'm going to give some more value to some other people over here and see what if it lands and if it does great I'm going to focus and speak to that person that's it it doesn't have to be more complicated than that and so when you do that you come from this place which I've left so it begins with I right so the one of the most powerful traits I think so when you get to it it will just do the opposite so the least attractive trait in my opinion in terms of dating relationships in terms of what women want in a guy is neediness right that feeling of just like I need this right because you've just invested emotionally in this one girl right I need this one particular person to validate me to accept me to acknowledge me to appreciate me to reciprocate the value that I'm giving right that's what's so fucking gross about that nice guy behavior it's like oh I'm going to buy you dinner oh I'm going to do this stuff oh I'm going to buy you a present oh I'm going to give you compliments oh I'm going to do all this stuff what you're not even going to fuck me oh you anything shouldn't fuck you over anything just give some more value to some other people and the ones who reciprocate it they get you they're reciprocating the value focus on them the ones that don't reciprocate anything so what's the what's that opposite of neediness it begins with I no one's got it opposite of neediness one more try you just kept saying independence thing if I keep saying it maybe it'll be right indifference indifference I think that's probably it might be the most attractive trait you can have because it doesn't mean indifference like oh I don't care that's a fake thing right that's ego I mean indifference like I don't need any one particular reaction from any one particular person I haven't emotionally invested in this one particular interaction from going well or not if it goes well great if it doesn't that's totally cool I'll have another one because that's the thing about that's the thing about social interaction that's so cool you can pretty much have as many as you like you're going to have the conversation that lasts 20 seconds conversation that lasts a minute conversation that lasts hours and friendships and relationships that last years right you can do it all over again every day and it doesn't cost you anything so having indifference is powerful because that's what when women women see it suddenly like that you need this to go well and when you don't, when you seem to not have it it's not like oh I don't fuck that bitch I don't give a shit it's not like that but you're just like oh it seems like this guy has options because he doesn't mind like he's okay to for example be divisive and say whatever's on your mind and kind of make fun of her a bit and fundamentally where this comes from what it really fundamentally all comes down to is this idea of non-judgment which is fundamentally an idea of acceptance what I mean by that is I think one of the biggest problems I see one of the biggest things I see on the trainings that I that I'll do sometimes is guys have a moment often on one of the days where they'll almost have a little bit of like a mini breakdown and I see what happens they have they get some kind of reaction that they're not expecting or that they don't like or the girls a bit like oh this is a bit weird or something and I see them just go into their head and what they're doing is they're trying to analyze their way out of a feeling they're going I feel awkward and weird and gross now I'm gonna start thinking about how I can fix that because school teaches us that's the way that you do the way that you get success is you think about shit hard enough and then you you know you figure it out and what's really going on is they're having a feeling a feeling of discomfort a feeling of anxiety a feeling of in that moment oh I've got rejected or whatever and they're placing a judgment on it and they're saying I shouldn't feel this feeling and if there's a word that you can erase from your language and especially your self-talk it should oh I should I should be further ahead I should you know she should have right she should have at least right I did all this she should have at least slept with me that should have gone better right that's just placing a negative judgment on an experience an experience and a feeling are just sensations in your body they're just things that are happening and one of the things that things like mindfulness and meditation do is they help us just accept what is right she she wasn't interested in you that's what it that's what it is that's what happened so you can either take from that and maybe learn something from it and then move on or you can keep shooting and going oh well fuck this and and you know and analyzing it and just digging more into that feeling and not allowing it to just dissipate and go away because actually once you accept it it's just a sense oh I feel a bit weird right now so an action step for this actually that I didn't put on there is what you can do every day when you're going around and learning anything and implementing is I give this to my guys on the last day of the infill training and it's a way to help them learn without any negative self-talk because most of us hands up if this is you it's certainly me we logical analytical guys right we go we try we try something often for the first time or whatever it is we try to implement something doesn't go quite the way we wanted it to and literally as we're walking away from that situation we're just going oh I fuck this up I fuck this up I fuck this up I'm an idiot and what happens is we're just conditioning ourselves to we're conditioning our subconscious to repeat those same mistakes because we're just replaying them in our mind and our subconscious doesn't know any different between positive or negative it just goes okay I guess you want to do that again and we're also disincentivizing ourselves from wanting to do that thing again because it's like well why do that again and have those experience those same negative emotions fuck it I just won't do it so instead of that any time you're trying anything you whether it's meeting relationships going up and meeting girls or anything else as you walk away from a situation where you've tried to implement something and it's you've gotten some feedback and it's gone a certain way and you want to try and learn from it just ask yourself these three questions number one what did I do well that way we're reinforcing what we did well to our subconscious so our subconscious is going to be like cool repeat that two how do I know so then we replay in our mind exactly what happens so again we're telling our subconscious this is exactly what I want you to repeat and how I want things to go next time and three because we want to be able to learn if it didn't go so well what could I do better next time right so now we're going to go in our head and we're going to start imagining exactly what I could have done specifically what could I have done that would have improved that interaction or improve that conversation or whatever it is is that useful can you try that can you try that like today tomorrow something you can implement cool and number five is I have to wrap up pretty so I'm pretty good on time is you got to take 100% responsibility you got to take full responsibility for yourself for your actions for your feelings and I know right there's all this shit out there right we were just talking when it comes to society whatever social media right a lot of people are afraid of just expressing what they actually think when it's like politically or whatever because they're afraid of the consequences there's a lot of stuff out there you know feminism and all the rest of it and there's real genuine stuff out there that's really bad for men these days and I don't discount it right I don't discount it at all but the fact is is like I don't have control over society at large I don't have control over the media I don't have control over what's being taught in universities I don't have control over that but I do have control over this, myself what I do, what I say how I express myself, how I communicate and my beliefs right in here that's what I have control over so I can take full responsibility for that those are the things that dictate your results don't let anyone tell you that it's like oh Obama, whatever and that's why I don't have a girlfriend right so I like that from that great from that great man Captain Jack Sparrow, that real person who exists the problem is not the problem the problem is your attitude about the problem it all comes back to your beliefs don't worry about it don't worry about what else is going out there what's going on in the media in society don't worry about those techniques and those little things like that just worry about your beliefs and your mindsets and those are the things that will ultimately control your destiny and when you get all these things what I realize that I got from Sasha on that training is by going through and getting by making your own rules not living by others living from that place of abundance having indifference to any particular outcome and taking responsibility for your results you end up achieving what we call at the company social freedom the ability to go do what you want with whom you want, wherever you want whenever you want and those are the five things the ways to be in my opinion the true alpha that you were put on this earth to be and I will end there, thank you very much