 Welcome back to the dungeon, my lord, my lady. It is I, Philip Magnus, and I am back to conquer this wine king. Why, because I hate the other guy, he murdered and maimed most of my best warriors on the job. And of course, I want vengeance. Sweet, sweet vengeance. That's what I am all about this time around. And those who I am all about treasures. Well, and torches. Plenty of torches and some food. As you see, I'm sparing no expense. It makes me sad, it makes me mad, but by god I will do it this time. I have taken a team of heavy hitters, Grave, Sonia, Stanley, and of course, the invaluable, indubitable, Ratman. Let's go. Just go in. That sweet piggy flesh. Almost as sweet as man flesh, okay. Oh my, this is an unpleasant one. Let us go down the way of treasures. Oh, that's fantastic. Oh, on guard. That is actually good. Whoa, that's really good. Thank you. Your insane obsessions have once again served us well, Sonia. May the light be as radiant as the blood on the swords of your... swords? What? Anyway, let's stop people. And that's how you stop people. Thank you for watching. I'll see you next time. Bye. No, I'm kidding. I'm obviously going to stop a swine prince first before saying goodbye. And this is going to be the most exciting time in the life of my teamsters, the outsiders. One and all, no one likes them, no one adores them, and no one at all accepts them. Let's pull this here. Oh no, let's not pull them. Let's just haunt them with hauntingly evil forces of evilness. One would suggest blight the most pleasurable of things. Haha, the small piggy diet. Now for the big piggy. It follows its smaller brother. And you, my dear corpse eater, cannot hit for... shit. Yeah, I went there. What you gonna do about it? Nothing. But you know what you could do about it? You could shed ice video? Yes, you could. I'm doing this really weird voicing right now, aren't I? Sorry, I'm kind of sick. Yes, it is absolutely awful. A long forgotten strongbox sits on the gold stone floor, is contents unknown. And of course it's trap. But my plague doctor is doing quite alright against all manner of these awful dreadful things. Now this is... nothing happened again. And here I hope to get some more food with medicinal herbs. Yes, you need to use those in order to cleanse the thingy filled with dead bodies. Because you know what helps dead bodies? Medicinal herbs. True story. The blight does such fantastic job. Let's see. We miss. I saw that coming. No matter. I will end her soon enough. But first for the swine reaver whom nobody has ever liked or loved. A big portion of this swine reaver's problems is not that he looks like a bloody pig. It's not that he IS a bloody pig. It's the fact that no one ever loved him. That's right. You wouldn't have thought that if you just looked at him, stared down at him, made fun of him. But it's true. More true than you could ever hope to imagine. Have I been going on about the swine reaver's problems for the last few minutes? Probably. Hmm, whoa. Grave certainly felt that. Yes, as faint as my desire to wake up tomorrow with a nose filled of horrible things. Inhuman, unimaginable things. But hey, that's life. Hmm. Let's see then. Demon spool? No, let's heal Grave. For the amazing zero points. And let's just make him bleed further and further until he quite hopefully goes mad. Insane in the brain. Was that from Life is Strange? Yeah, I think so. Huh. I am knee-deep in different... Humour. Indifferent humour. Ha, bone altar. Dark altar. Uh, yeah. Let's use Hollywater. No. Can we use Dodge? Nope. I expected something... more impressive. Well, anyway, let's move on. Is the swine king here? No. Maybe he'll be there. Somewhere in those three rooms. Yes, of course. Food. Food is good. It's one of the best things, in fact. And good jobs on him. Again, she manages what no one else ever does. She actually manages to keep me safe and sound. So I learned some valuable lessons last time. Never, and I do mean never, attack the small, tiny little piggy that's hiding behind the big, big, or rather swine prince king. What is that? I don't know what it is, but I know it's absolutely horrifying. Let's see if it can suffer. Yes, apparently it can. Good. Uh oh. Exciting. Who needs fun when we can have mini bosses? And of course they will dodge. Of course. Why wouldn't they? Let's see, let's see. Can we stack the blight? Yes, very good. We can keep stacking it until this guy, uh oh, dies, I was going to say, but this is obviously not happening anytime soon. This is... wait a second. Those are my guys. He killed them. No, I killed them. Rather, the big person killed them. And now he's using them against me. That is dreadful. Absolutely unacceptable. I didn't even know Vestal could do that. Oh well. Again, they dodge. I guess they have a pretty high dodge score, don't they? Yeah, saw that coming. Oh, headache. I am afraid to ask, can we get some more blight going? No, obviously not. Never mind. We need to kill Vestal. We need to kill the highwayman, and then we need to stab the collector to death. That is obviously my plan. Unless he keeps doing that, in which case I'm in trouble. And I should probably stop doing this in turn. Huh, this is very bad. I don't know how to handle this. I really do not know. Alright. I'm making slow progress. Show collection. I really didn't need to see your collection. Okay. We are getting closer. Yes, exactly. How are life is taken? Can I light a few torches, maybe? Because this is getting kind of brutal. But first, let's stab him for 30. No more, please. This is absolutely horrendous. This is absolutely awful. I didn't know this guy was a thing. Now that I do know, I don't want to. That's how nasty he is. I mean, come on. I'm suffering here. Yes, that's good. That's all good and well, but I'm very sick. I'm very much bleeding and dying, and it's not pleasant, let me just say. Okay, this will hurt, I hope, and it did. Now if I can only get a single strike with Grave, he's done for. He's absolutely destroyed. Still should be able to finish him now. One point, please die. Ah, he's blighted excellent. And a fantastic heal. Ah, I like it when things go my way. Seriously, you dodged a noxious blast. Uh-oh. I did not see that coming. Thankfully, I can still stab him with a knife. Ah, fun times. And another great heal, courtesy of Stanley. There will be no blood left for leeches. Yes, there will be. See? Puzzling. Whoa. This is very valuable. I like it. Another one, please. I'm not sure if it was such a good idea for me to use that. Well, at least it's not the swine president, king, prince, whatever. Let's take care of this as quickly as possible, and let's move back, move Grave in the front, stab at the hulking swine tour, and just hope things go my way again. Because here's the secret. I like it when things go my way. And this is not good. This is stress. Plenty of stress. But hey, I just mained that piggy, so I'm not at all too sad about it. These will be dead in two turns time. Good job. Very good job. Now, all we have to worry about is, well, obviously this guy's going to do his thing. But after that, all we have to worry about is just ending this big guy right here. This is not working on him, is it? Alright, we need a vulnerability axe. And so we have it. Now marked, he should be, well, that was awful. And this was no better. I expect a lot of damage, Grave. Not ten damage hits. This is ridiculous. Is this actually going to kill him? Yes. Yes? Yes. Whoa, nice. Much nicer. I like his eye. He always seemed to know just who to punch and how. That's bad. Could have been worse. Let me get some healing going. Blight please. Again, resistant. Annoying. Does not dissuade the sharpened blade. Ah, this must be a fun job. Hmm, otherworldly corruption. Never fun. Never fun at all. Yeah, let's leave the 200 gold. Is there a piggy in the house? Is there a pig? No, there ain't a piggy. Not one inside. Double rusty knives. Okay. Okay. Hey, great. Let's have someone eat it. Alright. We can move on now, I think. I'm still worried that there seems to be no sign of the pig. Is he here? Nope. Move along, move along, which leaves only two possibilities. I know I'll probably regret that. Of course. Of course this would happen. It wouldn't be the darkest dungeon if it didn't. Ah, there you are. First we'll take the room battle with the treasures. Hopefully we'll survive it. And then we'll take on Pig King himself. A bunch of scrolls. Ah, well that was boring. I wonder if I use a torch. Would I light the scrolls on fire? That's bad. Let's see. Can we wound them enough to make them absolutely useless? I hope so. Uh-oh. This is going to raise stress by quite a bit. Not nice. Not nice at all. This is even worse. Because this can actually get my character some nasty disease. Now the problem is that... damn it. I'm in a very bad spot right now. I should probably heal someone. Yeah. Let's heal Grave. Of course he's going to start bleeding. Good. That's good. If the pig plays now maybe I will avoid the gigantic spear. Let's see. Does he spear me anyway? Maybe if I remove the body. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see. Seriously, you missed? How does a gigantic creature such as this one even dodge? Oh god, not Sonya. Please don't bleed. Thank you. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see. I need some battlefield medicine. Maybe we should have casted it on Grave on the account that he's bleeding. But that's minutia. Details. Who gives a razzas about them, right? Not your best works, Stanley. Not at all. Try to reach for the heavens. Why don't you arch a minor wound? I shall be fine. If only this thing was for all... for every character in my party. Now that would be a nice and neat trick. Yay! So that I don't have a key or I would have gotten far bigger rewards. But I will survive I think. Good. I have just enough food to get everything I need. Let's see. This would be very good. Gallows humor. Not bad. This I don't need. Wound care. Maybe necessary. Dark ritual. Bad. Dark strength. Still bad. Well, actually, it's possible. How about you, Ratman? Do you have anything useful? Hit 20%, minus 10% stress and remove blight and bleeding from targets. Hmm. And pep talk. Right, so I'm going to take a reflection. Because this guy obviously needs to relax. Then I'm going to give some wound care to my dear favourite leper. Maybe I'll give him 20% damage. For three rounds, excellent. And let's see. So if only minus 10%, 20% health returned. Right. So I think I will take some time to heal Sonya as well. Because I would hate to lose my dearest bestest buddy. Who's also a grave digger. Let's rest and hope that we don't get surprised in the night. Because then we might as well not have done anything. And then we shall see what happens. Okay. Yes, I did not get attacked, maimed or otherwise engaged in awful horrible terrible behaviour. More than a weary traveller. I suspect that this achievement is all about walking 500 steps with one hero. Wonder who that is. Maybe all of them. Maybe Ratman. Possibly Ratman. Probably Ratman. Ratman walks a lot in these dungeons, in these places of darkness and mystery and agony and misery. Hello swine king. Glad to see you again. That was just nasty. I'm not going to hurt you for now, so. Uh oh. It's going to be bad. I can tell it. I can sense it. I can feel it. This, uh, which spell marked? Yeah, it was these guys. The hex. I need to cast a hex. Let's see. Should I heal or should I chop away? Let's chop away. And let's put vulnerability hex on this here gigantic evil pig. He is blighted. He is marked. He is debuffed. I'm going to enjoy squashing him. And the little pig just doesn't seem to get his stuff straight. But that's alright. I'm sure I'll enjoy killing all her friends. I mean, it's gigantic one friend, of course. And I didn't do anything much. Let's heal. First harm. Not only does she have a lot less HP, she is also more valuable on a purely personal level. This is bad, however. Let's cast Salamniti. Whoa, nice. Now the good thing is that those death door recovery only slightly impacts me because of my amazing, fantastic buffs. The bad thing is that I missed a round of stabbing the gigantic swine king. And the worst thing yet is that I will take an awful lot of damage right now. Uh oh. Huh. That didn't do anything, really. Anything scary at least. Oh no! That's bad. That's awful. Let's stab away the pig. Uh oh. This is getting worse and worse. Let's throw in more blight grenades just in the hopes that something will happen. And 5 to 15 damage per round is really all we can hope for, right? Oh, I think I need to use this. Doxin trickery. If I can dodge his strikes, this is going to work much, much better for me. Uh, expirities, apparently. I just really hope Grave doesn't die. He's such a nice, good, loyal soldier. Please don't stun him. Damn it! That's probably one of the worst things that could have happened. Okay, at least the piggy is very much close to being dead. Now I need to heal her. Why her? Because, well, she's marked and she's going to get clobbered. Actually, that was not a good idea, was it? Never mind. I'm very close. At least the piggy did not go against her and her. Seriously? Is he still active? Did I...? I gave her the other thing. Damn it! And of course, he's dead! He's dead! I did it! That was kind of anticlimactic, actually. But hey, now the little piggy, Wilbur, is going to get pig-literated. Pig-literated? I'm never doing puns again. That is the end. Seize this momentum. Push on to the task's end. I love this. Doing what I went to do, getting vengeance for my fallen heroes, and of course, getting that collector guy was also quite good and ego. He was practically a mini-boss whom I did not expect nor prepare for, but I managed to take him. And now I even have Dark Tambourine, which my jester is going to be very happy with. As I imagine. And I even got plenty of gold, plenty of heirlooms. And yes, characters who are champions now. Oh, the joy. And of course I got diseases and quirks. Well, that's 10% damage. Well, you don't do all that much in the field of damage anyway, so I guess I'll have to forgive him. You will know the tragic extent of my failings. Right. So we don't have any events in town this time. Okay, so Chrissie is now flagellant, which does not surprise me at all. And Rory is all better after a sturdy, engaging flagellation session. Stanley, Grave, Ratman, fantastic job guys. And I even managed to defeat the Swine Prince. And yes, I know I have plenty left to do. So much. I've done 25 episodes of this game or somewhere around that. And still I've got probably 75 to go by the time I'm finished. But I've got my first champions. Of course Ratman followed closely by Grave. Which means we're getting ever closer to going in the darkest dungeon. And that will get the most awesome things, the most awesome things. But hey, this will come in the future. For now, thank you guys for watching. I'll see you next time.