 In the year she has been teaching English at Madison High our Miss Brooks has always felt she was as well qualified as any other teacher To be head of the English department an opinion unfortunately not shared by her principal Recently however when there's been a choice between two teachers for something he has given Miss Brooks the nod Not only has he given me the nod, but most of the time he's gone to sleep entirely But over the last month there has been a change in Mr. Conflin's attitude toward me and last Wednesday He indicated that if I could keep out of trouble for the next few weeks I might actually be the head of the department during the second semester Since my landlady was away her sister Angela had charge of our household for a few weeks I told her the news at breakfast Thursday morning It was apparent that Angela was choked with emotion because from her first words I could see she could barely contain her enthusiasm Connie please pass the French toast Angela is that all you have to say no dear pass the strawberry jam too Angela I tell you something that could be of tremendous importance to me and you react as if it was practically nothing But it isn't that I'm not happy for you Connie, but I'm so worried about my nerve of these days I I can't get enthusiastic about anything you mean because she'd been so quiet lately. Yes, dear It's been going on for over a week now Nothing I say or do seems to arouse her interest Why formally just the word mice used to start a meal all over the place. Well, let me try Angela Minerva listen to me Minerva Mike sweet cream Goldfish Canary Sam Who's Sam there? Well, you remember when Minerva had that litter of kittens a year ago Sam was the cat passing out the cigars Oh, but you're right Angela. She isn't responding to anything It's got me the side myself I was supposed to attend an emergency meeting of Margaret's ladies aid group tonight But I think they can't leave Minerva alone in the state. She's in Would you mind sitting at home with Minerva tonight? Well, I'd like to help you out Angela, but tonight mr. Boynton and I were planning to see Sadie Thompson with Rita Hayward Well, couldn't the three of you sit home with Minerva and stay? Having Sadie they'll be four of us. I suppose I could persuade him to stay here this evening Oh, thank you dear. You don't know how much I appreciate this I'll give you Minerva's feeding instructions at dinner tonight I'll get it Hello. Hello, miss Brooks. This is Mr. Boynton. Why mr. Boynton? I'm glad you called. We were just speaking about you Speaking about me? Yes about how I was going to get Rita Hayworth off your lap tonight and me on That is I'm afraid we'll have to sit home tonight Mrs. Davis's cat hasn't been well lately and Angela asked me if I'd sit home with Minerva while she went out Would you mind terribly? Not at all miss Brooks. A matter of fact sitting home fits right in with my own plans It does? Well, shall I go down to the cellar and blow out the light fuse or will you and you, uh, what are your plans? Well, when I called just now I thought I'd have to sit home with my frog McDougal tonight as he has a cold But since you're going to be home with Minerva anyway, maybe you could look after them both. You want me to look after them? Yes, while I attend a lecture at my biology club, I've been dying to hear dr. Williams speech for months. I'd consider it one of the greatest favors you've ever done for me. Well, all right, mr. Boynton. Oh, thanks, miss Brooks. I'll give you max feeding instructions in the eyedropper I feed him with at noon today And say since you've been so nice to me, why not let me treat you for lunch. Good idea That way you can demonstrate how the eyedropper works on me I'll see you later then. All right, miss Brooks. Bye What did the mr. Boynton want you to do dear? Look after his frog McDougal while I'm sitting with Minerva tonight. Oh Isn't that nice? Oh, I'm sure that McDougal and Minerva will get along just splendidly together Well, even if they do I doubt if anything will ever come of it Minerva's much too tall for him Probably Walter Denton to pick me up. Come on in Walter. The door is open Well, I'm all out of eggs. So if he wants anything Walter will have to take whatever is in here That's an idea. Maybe it will finally arouse Minerva when Walter battles her for her saucer of milk Morning Walter. Ah greetings to two of my favorite females. And how is the fairest flower of our fair school this morning? Just fair Just fair when you're on the threshold of achieving one of your life's greatest ambitions It's just fair when you're practically our English department's future head. It's my current head that's aching We're having a good deal of trouble with Minerva these days Walter. Yes, I'm terribly worried about her She's been so depressed lately. I haven't heard of me all in a week Well, I know what it is. It's because I haven't brought my dog around lately And they used to play together all the time Minerva just misses him. That's all. Oh, that's silly Walter Whoever heard of a cat missing a dog. Anyway, I'm sure that Minerva's forgotten all about Prince Maybe that's it. Well the moment you said Prince Sure, that's it. So my dog will bring her out of her depression in a minute It's the only name that's aroused her in a week Connie Oh come to think of it before our neighbor moved away Minerva was also friendly with her dog Fido And that dog down the block too, what was his name? Oh, yes, Rover Cat is dog happy She'd even respond to a dog. She'd never heard of before like Bowser Wonderful now all Walter has to do is to bring his dog over tonight and never will be cheerful all evening Will you do that Walter? No, I'll be glad to Angela now. Wait a minute You mean you want me to look after Walter's dog, too Well, since you're sitting with Minerva and McDougal anyway, one more won't be much trouble with it Well, I'll do it on one condition that you don't breathe this to a soul. Oh, I vote dear But why not if any circus ever gets wind of this I'm liable to be sued for unfair competition Looks like you've got us to school in plenty of time this morning, Walter. I think we should be good morning Harriet hi dreamboat. Hello sweet stuff Hello swoon girl look can I break in on the five of you for a minute? Oh Harriet, what kind of a mood is your father in this morning? Oh, just fine miss Brooks If you're still worried about becoming head of our English department, you're practically in daddy said he intended Stopping over to seeing you one of these nights. Yeah, well, she'll sure be in tonight There is an animal in town she isn't sitting with Our house is gonna look like the Johannesburg Zoo at feeding time thing hyena short I am animal sitting tonight, but Mrs. Davis is cat Walter's dog and mr. Boynton's frog Well, that's a coincidence miss Brooks since I'm babysitting with little Horace Anderson tonight You're babysitting tonight. Oh, but tonight's bull John's party and you promised to go to it with me Oh gosh, I forgot all about it. I don't see how I can possibly They wait a minute With you how she said with a knife already sticking three feet into her back Since you're going to be home anyway, would you mind sitting with Horace too, but he's only eight months old And he's absolutely no trouble. I'm sorry Harriet. I'd like to help you out, but I have my hands full as it is Well, just as you say miss Brooks But I suppose I needn't remind you that I see daddy day and night And I know how important becoming head of the English department is to you and a well-chosen word from me here and there Just tell me what temperature Horace likes his bottle Oh, then you'll do it miss Brooks. Oh gosh, you're a peach I know Mrs. Anderson will be delighted you're looking after her baby, too I don't know whether Mrs. Anderson will be so happy after tonight Harriet at eight months The child picks up the habits of those around him very fast But why should that bother mrs. Anderson after tonight Horace might decide to jump 12 feet in the air and start licking her face Well as things have worked out tonight I'm going to babysit with mrs. Anderson's baby mrs. Davis's cat Walter's dog mr. Boynton's frog and unless I run into saboo that's it But at noon I had other things on my mind Principally, how I could solidify myself with mr. Conklin I decided that the best way to do it was to be as cooperative as possible So at noon I assumed Harriet's duties and brought him his daily tray of food from the cafeteria When mr. Conklin saw me coming into his office with the tray He thanked me in a rather unusual way. This Brooks don't come a step closer or I'll scream for help I know who it's intended for and I warn you I intend to defend myself to the limit of my strength Oh, I wouldn't spill any of it on you mr. Conklin And anyway, how could I when there's a whole desk between us with a tray of food in your hands? I wouldn't feel safe with the Mediterranean sea between Please put down that tray. Yes, sir Now you put down that lamp Oh, yes Well as long as I'm here, sir, is there anything I can do for you I've never seen your desk So cluttered before I'd be glad to straighten it if you miss Brooks I'll thank you to keep those ten crazy mixed-up thumbs of yours off my Every time you mean to be helpful things happen to me that are not even mentioned in Wildcat accident insurance policy I enumerate I'd rather you didn't September the typewriter on the foot incident cost to me one fractured toe October the swivel chair caper one frayed wrist November. Oh November was a good The surprise waxing of the office floor episode Oh One cracked sacroiliac December December nothing happened in December, sir, and I can prove it by your medical charge That is nothing did happen in December. No, no, you're right And that's why I'm finally considering you for head of the English department if one can forget your psychopathic quirks You are capable popular with the students and I'm neat clean healthy Thoughtful decisive and ambitious. I'll work as I've never worked before do anything you want absolutely anything I'll be ideal in every way. You'll see just ideal now. Do I get the job? Do I hmm? Do I do I get the job? I'll make a bargain with you miss Brooks keep out of my hair until the end of this semester Do absolutely nothing to tease hurt or molest me The job is yours. Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you. I'll be very careful. So very careful now Is there anything else I can do while I'm still here? Yes, there is one more thing you can do miss bro And what's that sir leave? A great deal of work to do. Oh, yes, sir. I was just leaving the second I was on my way out just going I doubt if the woman will ever make it Oh, well, I've done all I possibly Hello, I was good Conklin principle speaking make it brief. I'm a busy man Hello, I was good Herbie Herbie. Yeah, you remember your brother law Listen, I was good. You know that house next to yours the one it's been empty for six months I ought to since I emptied it I inspired the neighbors to leave Oh, you did yes, they had a ridiculous five-year-old child who practiced on the piano from morning till night sounded like a four-year-old Yeah, I know how much you hate noise Well, I have a client the mr. Perkins who also hates noise and he will buy that house next to yours providing I can convince him that you're a quiet neighbor, you know, no babies or animals indeed Well, there are certainly no babies and absolutely no animals around my place except for my daughter's idiotic boy friend Look, he wants to meet you and see your place tonight around nine tonight Well, I was supposed to go to a large meeting tonight But with 200 iron men if dollars at stake I'll be available fine Now Perkins doesn't have a car So I'll let you know where to pick him up then you take him to your house But Osgood, please make sure everything is especially quiet tonight, huh? The house will be like a tomb I Shall send mrs. Compton to the movies and Harriet's going out to a party. Yeah, how about the radio and television set? There's nothing I can do about them. They're staying home That's now they've gone Thanks, Harriet. I don't see how John Wayne does it in picture after picture What did you want to see me about Harriet? Well, it's about tonight Mrs. Anderson was delighted with the idea of having you sit with Horace, but she doesn't want him in a strange house She says he cries there. Well, and I guess that lets me out So I came up with a solution for I'm back in Well, you see Horace has been over to my house any number of times and he's perfectly familiar with it So Mrs. Anderson agreed to let you sit with Horace at my house if that's all right with you Oh, I'm afraid not Harriet I'd have to bring along the cat the dog and the frog and your father isn't very fond of animals Come to think of it. He isn't very fond of humans either That's okay, miss Brooks daddy has his lodge meeting tonight, and he won't be home until midnight. Will you do it? Please all right Harriet you bring the baby to your house, and I'll bring the menagerie and let's hope the neighbors don't bring the police Attention, please while I call the roll Minerva mcdougal You know how you feel about dogs, but control yourself Wait your turn. Stop licking Horace. You're frightening him Now Horace stop licking Prince. You're frightening him mcdougal get off Minerva's back at once Oh Hello Connie why Angela welcome aboard Noah's Ark They're all in the living room. I Was worried about Minerva Connie So I thought I'd drop in and say hello to her before I went to my meeting Minerva honey Goodness Connie, she's broken out on a green rash. That's mcdougal on her back Beautiful Connie so relaxed Thanks to you Prince Yes, and you mcdougal Foreigner the forest the baby Seven yet Connie. I was about to feed them all but the list of feeding schedules you wrote out for me seems a bit confusing But you gave me the data for each one except Minerva I know but something must have happened along the way listen to this feeding for Horace 9 30 p.m. Pour three ounces of warm milk into a half cup of dog food Well, don't worry Horace we wouldn't feed you the dog food not with all the pablum we have around here Oh, you don't like pablum either. Hmm. How do you feel about raw liver? I Can see mcdougal's been speaking to you I have an idea that will simplify things for us Why don't I just fix up a quart of warm milk for all of them a good idea the drinks are on the house boys See their Harriet or Clyde beady You go into the kitchen and fix up that milk and I'll get it Angela. No, all right dear Why miss Brooks mr. Conklin, I didn't expect you until midnight. What are you doing here now? I lost my glass slipper and the Prince chased me all the way home What you were doing in my home miss Brooks? I'm sitting miss Conklin. What's the matter park bench get too cold Well, I can explain sir you never mind now listen miss Brooks I have an opportunity to earn a two hundred dollar commission tonight Yes, yes, mr. Perkins is coming up the walk now He's thinking of purchasing the house next door, but first he's visiting us to convince himself that we are quiet neighbors You see he hates noise. He wants to be sure there are no babies or animals around Miss Brooks, what is it your your cheeks are flushed your trembling have you caught something? No, but I'll be catching plenty soon Are we all right in a moment miss Conklin? Well quite a place. You've got here Conklin. I oh Is this your wife the heaven fourth end? This is miss Brooks back in she's one of my English teachers who by the way, I'm considering as head of her department and not for long That is what are we all standing around in the hallway for why don't we go out for a nice long brisk walk? What was that my throat I have a cold Strange I could have sworn it was a But that sounded like a frog I know the cold I always get a frog in my throat What is going on around here? I'm certain that was a cat. Oh, well There wasn't in a while a stray dog or cat will pass by outside Like he says once in a while a stray baby dog or a baby cat will pass by Mr. Conklin, do you have a baby in this house? It sounded as if there were one in the next room. Oh, but that's preposterous I assure you mr. Perkins. There are no babies or animals in this house. Follow me into the living room, please Uh, just a moment, sir. Miss Brooks kindly remove your body from my path Or I shall be forced to trample it into the dust Follow me mr. Perkins Now there mr. Perkins you can see for yourself There's nothing in this living room but a dog a cat a frog and a baby And as I've been telling you for the last hour you'll find that your house is in the quietest neighborhood that you could possibly find No matter where there's nothing in this living room, but a dog a cat a frog Okay meet mr. Conklin Miss Brooks. Yes Warden. Oh, mr. Conklin Please explain to mr. Perkins what all these animals are doing in this house. I know there's a clear logical explanation Somewhere Of course, there is mr. Perkins. I brought in the animals myself to sit with You brought them in to sit with mr. Perkins believe me all her logical explanations sound like science fiction Don't you blame this poor woman conklin as far as I'm concerned you can find another neighbor But mr. Perkins, please if you'll own no mr. Conklin no The saxophone is a difficult enough instrument to master and I simply can't be disturbed by all these animals in this baby Well, I practice saxophone You play the saxophone. I practice three hours a night and all day Sundays you Play the saxophone all day Sunday, too. I do Well, I am sorry you don't like my animal collection, mr. Perkins and as for this infant. She's the finest baby girl I've ever had Take it easy Horace. He didn't know Well, I'm certainly glad I found out about all this in time good night And good riddance now then miss Brooks Will you kindly give me the facts as to what you are doing in my home with this miniature zoo But I gave you my explanation sir come now mr. Brooks the truth Well, if I give you another explanation, will you consider me for head of the English department next turn? No Now the three animals miss Brooks. Where did they come from? Well, sir, I was babysitting for mrs. Anderson's baby And I thought it might get a little lonely So I insisted my three friends come along and we've had the craziest bridge game you've ever seen After persuading mr. Conklin to at least consider me for head of the English department for next year Angela and I brought Horace and the rest of the menagerie back to our house Once there Horace crawled out of his baby blanket and played with the animals until mrs. Anderson came by to pick him up Shortly after she left with him and the other animals have been called for Angela began looking around for something Where did my nerve ago? Did you notice coming? I believe she's in her box in the kitchen Angela. Oh, of course Well, let's go in and say good night to her. I'm sure she can tuck herself in but all right Why she was cheerful this evening. I've never seen such a change in a cat before no the change was remarkable Well, here we are dear. I see you're moving under the straw Good night I've heard of remarkable changes before but this is ridiculous