 Assalamu alaikum and welcome to Making House a Home with myself Sana Arraji and our guest Fahima Muhammad who is a qualified life coach and an NLP practitioner. Assalamu alaikum Fahima. Alaykum Salam. Now today we're going to be discussing the subject of bridging the gap between the older and the younger generation, how we can do that, what steps to take forward. Can you just briefly explain with regards to the subject for us? This is not just a topic let's just come up because we realize that you know there is much of a generation gap and there are definitely importance placed on it not just from a psychological perspective or not just from living in this day and age because you know people are living you know longer but the thing is Islamically as well you know there's lots of benefits to it and Imam Sadiq al-Islam states in one of the hadith to say that you know to honor your elderly and make bond of kinship and it's the best way is to make bond is to avoid annoying them because there is a difference in mindset we have to obviously be aware of that regardless of the times that we're in when there's a huge gap in between the ages there is a different sense of experience and what we face and how we take that forward and how we see things and we always look even now you hear a lot oh teenagers are not grateful they don't appreciate they got things easy we had to work harder or you know we have the youngsters talking like saying that you know the older generation don't understand us they don't appreciate us they look at us as all as being someone who is actually not working hard and not striving so you know there's a lot of generalizations but actually between the both they need to come together and realize and see that you know with both sides there is definitely you know benefits to having that sort of you know connection closer and not just within families but just generally you know I know a lot of young people that have grown up in their families that they've hung out with their older brothers or and they've you know surrounded themselves with the older generation and it has made a difference in an impact to their lives and how they see things in a very positive way so there is very much benefits you know benefits to it and also you know we need to have mercy within each other Imam Ali alaihi salam states and in one of his sermons that let your youngsters be good with the elderly and let your elderly have mercy upon your youngsters so there needs to be an allowance to give each other a chance to do certain things even though you think they're not capable but each of us brings something a learning a lesson a teaching you know the experience you can get from both and you have to be whatever age you are you have to be current but at the same time you know we need support so that we have a variety of information to us you know and even though we have knowledge and information from books and you know the internet and whatever it may be but having experience by listening to somebody going through something I think it's so much more vital and I think you can you can learn a lot more a lot more deeper because it's actually more realistic yeah so when you listen to people's stories you know that you can probably relate to more so because the the books are theory in it you know in essence and a lot of it is you know things that doesn't most people say well it's not reality and I cannot practice it and I cannot conform in that way and I cannot do certain things but when people are talking about the way in which they live or they've lived then you know that is a teaching and a learning that another generation can use for themselves for real it's really vital subhan Allah and you know now I feel like with social media and like so many things coming out on tv that parents who are older than their children don't seem to understand like how to monitor their children with these things so that can be an issue do you think parents if they are which nowadays a lot of parents are having children a lot older yes like before yes so the gap is is big between the child and them and the parents do you think they need to take steps to educate themselves to get with the time absolutely in order it's not just being aware and to be friends but to know what they're getting up to so that you can be on one step ahead of them and you need to be you know let's just be real about it you know kids are a lot more smarter they are on the internet even with parental guidance control whatever it may be they can still override that and it's not because you know you want to stop them from having fun or doing what activities and games they might be playing but you actually will be protecting them you know if you are aware of their you know ways of being because they're still not much awareness even from youngsters when they put themselves in those situations when they are you know even chatting online or making friends and whatever and there's a lot of you know friendships that are being made online and they don't know who they're speaking to and parents need to be you know aware of how to intervene how to be able to look ahead of that but they cannot do that if firstly they don't think that they're they're children are actually doing that or capable of doing it or overriding them and don't just take their word for it it's not about not having the trust but because at the same time you know the children teenagers themselves they just don't look at it as harmful again because they have the lack of experience you know having that age behind you is not just wisdom the wisdom comes because of the experience a lot of kids are aware of and have all the information as adults do if not more but they don't know how to use it or they do not have the experience and the youngsters need to understand that so they appreciate that I know more than even my parents do but I don't necessarily know how to use it and parents need to know that yes kids are more aware and they are more knowledgeable but at the same time I need to keep up to that level or beyond and you know at the same time you know we need to protect them from that knowledge because it's so much knowledge they don't know how to absorb it they don't know how to use it and you know it can be dangerous in in any form yeah sure and and also when you're an older parent you might have different techniques that you would use with your child that actually don't work exactly in age definitely so you might be in conflict with your child because they don't understand how you're trying to explain to them or to to discipline them or to guide them but they need more emotional support or they need other techniques that the parent doesn't know isn't aware of how would you go you know along with those lines as a as a parent who's older to bridge the gap between the generation well you know you have to also have a different mindset and mentality because the issue is ageism there and obviously you know that should be something where needs to be corrected and they need to be like intergenerational programs where you know people are sort of reaching out to different age groups and bringing them together so we need to take responsibility as a community to do that right even with parenting you don't have to be parents to be a great role model you can be a young man or woman in the community and wanting to give out and share information same like that if you're older or younger and you know bring groups together so that we can actually learn from one another and you know have workshops within you know your community your center you know your mosques or whatever and yes we have certain you know we do segregate a lot because we have for the young and different age and stages but sometimes mix it up a bit okay I mean in schools now they do that I've just heard recently for secondary schools that in the tutor groups they've got different ages so that they can learn from each other and have the experience so that is a very good way of knowing that they're doing that now in certain secondary schools where you're not just with your own form and your own year you are actually mixing with different year groups in your form tutor but then when you go for the actual lessons individually then you are in your own ability and groups or whatever it may be and that alone is showing how that generation gap even between those few years makes a difference with the learning yeah sure so we could use the same technique with the generations that are here within our families and the roles that we play and each one has a value to give you know whether they're young or old and that's the thing if you think you're young and you know too much or you think you're old and you know even more whatever it may be or there's not enough information just keep that out of your head and just be open and you know set up these sort of groups which is nothing to do with you know segregating by age and stage because we have enough of that already we need to now mix and integrate a little bit more so we can have further learning and sometimes our own people when we stick in the same way we cannot move forward again you know having your friendship groups even as a teenager I know teenagers that sometimes they might do a paper round or they might have jobs in the local shop and they will become friends with the owner and they will continue that friendship later on and they'll go in there and see them even if they're not working because they've learned things they've listened to conversations and it's taking that interest to know that you know I did this job and this is how it was also it becomes you could become grateful as to in this generation how things can be easy and readily available whereas time and you know technologies you know improved whereas we didn't have any of that and things took longer and you know things were really you know appreciated a lot more because you had to work harder and you know we need to realize that as youngsters because you're not understanding how much the world around you is actually accommodating you so easily and as humans we adapt and when we adapt we get used to it and then we don't become grateful and all we do is want more. Yeah very true I mean some would even say that with the older generation yes they tend to be quick to judge judgmental yes the old mindset yeah thinking well you know in my day that wasn't acceptable they don't want to come to terms with today they want to live very true in the past and how it was so when they are observing perhaps a young girl who it might be married very young or a teenage pregnancy for them I mean I know on many occasions where you know there has been teenage girls on the bus who are in my city where I'm from where they've had babies at such a young age and you just feel this eerie feeling when from the older generation like the way they're looking at them making judgment whereas they don't know the situation there are some cases where girls unfortunately are raped and get pregnant you can't jump into kind of you can't understand them unless you're going through what they're going through so I feel sometimes they are a bit critical to be fair that's not necessarily even with the elderly that's just people in general being so judgmental and we do tend to judge but obviously being in an old mindset it's harder for you to change and adapt so you know especially for the older generation don't be also resistant and sometimes it's also a feeling that well we did it you know and we had it tough so you guys also have to suffer instead of accepting that you know times change people evolve things evolve and you know let's just get with it let's just appreciate that even though it's fast forward and they have things easy but there are other things that are now you know that they have to suffer for in that sense so you know they again it's it's all about perspective it's all about learning it's all about being open and you have to have the psychology for that and at the same time you know we need to work with younger people and older people because there's so many skills out there in the way in which you know even things that were done in the past you know need to actually come into this into play now because we rely so much on technology and we look at even if we want to do business we just want to send an email but then the old way is you know what let's go out and actually have a conversation or meet them and then we can build that rapport that they will be in business with us for generations because not everyone does that and that could be helpful so you know techniques like that can still work I'm just giving that as an example there must be various more but that's how and I'm talking that in a business perspective so at the same time in Britain we do have you know an issue where there are a lot of people living for longer so it is a strain to a certain extent especially with the culture in Britain where you know this you know the health the whatever the services the public services are being stretched and they don't have the necessary the culture which we are brought up with where we would keep our generations in one home and look after our parents so in that sense we do you know have that advantage where it's not seen to be wrong to be living with your family and you're not you know going to be judged in a particular way if you're older or if you're married and you keep your parents with you if they're not able but at the same time I have had cases where you know it's a problem now even in our cultures where they don't want the in-laws that they don't want the grandparents living in their own homes and you know it's it's a very touchy subject and obviously it depends on the circumstances and you know obviously with how they get along and if they become a burden they seem to be a certain things but it's the way you look at it again and when you are in a marriage and you have to have to live with your in-laws or if you're in a marriage and you've got your grandparents you know your parents living with you and they become the grandparents of your children you know there are pros and cons to that you know so there's lots of issues but at the same time it's taking every situation that you're in and building it into an advantage and hopefully whatever is negative sort of like fizzles away because of the way in which you're looking at it and you work on those positives and you can change those ways so it's important for generations to get together from an Islamic point of view as well as from a business point of view and especially in the home there's a lot of benefits in learning and wisdom and experience there's a lot of you know help can be provided I mean the young can gain wisdom whereas the old can gain the strength that they don't have anymore for example there's so many things another gap that just came to my mom was when you're married to someone who is a lot older than you bridging the gap between the husband and the wife the spouse that I've seen in many examples in my life where that can be difficult because where one mindset is another isn't yes that is also a lot of compromise there compromise between the two different you know age gaps because there are some gaps that are 15 years 20 years so you know it depends and that's really common where the man is older the man is older but now it's actually turning around where women are marrying younger men yes yeah and even to that age limit to a certain extent you know ten eight years you know younger than them it is happening because some men you know will prefer someone who is a lot more stronger stable and you know want a woman with you know that is a little bit more confident or wherever it may be that comes with age so there is definitely issues that do come with it but in life there's always issues and it depends which one you want to take on and which one you want to overcome so don't think that you can't overcome these and it cannot happen and it cannot work but a lot of times we're influenced by society and cultural norms but in Islam there's definitely no you know problems with you know even older women getting married to younger men as we know as our Prophet peace be upon him and his family did himself yes but it's it's looked down upon I know young girls are not getting married because the guy's only two three years younger and they're thinking oh the mindset's not there the thing but in the end you're delaying your marriage and you're not even moving forward you're not even trying to work at it you just got this perception you've got the set mindset which is fixed and you're not moving forward your life's not moving forward and you're missing out on years ahead just from that yeah definitely thank you so much for that Rahim and inshallah you've even lighted the viewers with this topic unfortunately we do need to go for a break and we'll come back and answer the viewers questions so we'll see you soon As-salamu alaykum As-salamu alaykum and welcome back to the second part of making a house a home where we've been discussing the topic of bridging the gap between the older and the younger generation now we're going to answer some questions from our viewers if you can answer that for us Rahima so we have Hossein and the question he's asking is my parents are quite old and finding it difficult to manage living by themselves and I worry all the time as I cannot be there so often however I want them to live with us but my wife is very resistant and it's a constant issue and sometimes an argument how do I get her to understand and accept this it is a case where there has to come to a point where they both understand what is the reason and the meaning behind it again now you have to come up with logical answers for this and a lot of the time it's about emotion it's about also people like to look into the future assuming things may happen if something was to happen and that stops them and that also creates fear right so we need to be present and we need to know our responsibilities and our duties even if it's not our parents or anyone else's parents and you need to sit and have a conversation logically as to why exactly and is it realistic what he's asking for is it just an assumption that he's making that his parents need to come and stay with him and that's what he feels because sometimes these parents nowadays even they want their independency but I don't want to live with my son and my daughter and their family and become a babysitter you know I've heard this you know whatever it may be or left or they might be like I'd love to do that because I'd want to be part of the family again because now I'm left by myself so you've got to make sure that that is clear secondly to make the wife understand you know it could be turned around it could be her parents the following year or months later and not necessarily where the woman would have her parents live with her but regardless there might be times where she needs to visit more they can live closer whatever it may be but logic needs to come into it as to why this has to be and there has to be real meaning and reason behind it and for real situations and scenarios don't just assume and presume parties need to sit together and what are the implications and the impact of them living together with regards to themselves as having relationships with the children you know there are advantages and disadvantages to it you know there are a lot of cases that I come across that you know families do complain and they don't want to be you know part of you know the extended family living in under or under one roof but in some cultures within the Muslim you know communities it is a masters it's accepted expected and it's accepted you know unwillingly and you have to understand you know are you able to tolerate that and to what extent and what changes do you have to make to see it differently if it's something you can't get out of it's not something that you and I can make a decision for and say which is right and wrong there is no right or wrong each circumstance and situation will have to be according to that particular way there is no right or wrong answer we cannot say that no you shouldn't and you should live with your parents or not or your in-laws there's no such thing each one has to figure out for themselves and how to make it work and for some people it works and for some people it doesn't and even it's trial and error in some circumstances but you've got to prepare for it I know it's a big commitment but you have to be open because we are all growing exactly we're all going to be parents we're all going to be grandparents you know we're not going to stay like this forever we want someone to show us that mercy and that understanding as well and sometimes we need to sacrifice and all that gives us challenges that we have to face we've got to take it we've got to put up with it as as Muslims we have a duty towards our parents and I know it's easier to say it than to do it but with this one the parents are very old yeah now we don't know they could be unwell they might not have long we don't know but we do have a duty towards them and I guess at this point this this comes down to the to the husband to put his foot down if his parents are being a bit intolerable so he if his parents yes from both sides yeah from both sides if if it's his parents and he sees that they're doing something wrong or being disrespectful to his wife absolutely that's the point where he needs to not allow that he needs to put his foot down and make his wife understand that I will bring it up if my parents are disrespectful to you so that they know if that was the issue if that was the issue but there are cases where sons do not do that and daughters don't do that and then they just expect yeah exactly so inshallah hopefully you know yeah no they need to address it quite openly yeah handle that inshallah our next viewer is Manar and the question is my in-laws come from abroad to visit once a year and they stay for at least two months I do respect them but we are a very we are very different and we come from different backgrounds as I am Hoja and my husband is from Pakistan we do get along but their way of living does disrupt the house in many ways and it now and it's now becoming a time I really do not look forward to how do I cope and deal with this situation it's quite similar to the one before it's about learning to adapt and accept and you know what yes we have different cultures and different way of being and we'd all like it ourselves the same way but you married into something different in the first place and unfortunately you know we don't just accept our spouses we accept their families too and you know when you're considering marriage these things need to be considered in the future as to what you need to put up with you know in times like this and for her it is only two three times three you know two three months in the year however maybe and yes it may be disruptive and it might be whatever but again you need to address it as to which part is being played and who's taking responsibility and the husband needs to stand up the wife needs to stand up they need to sit together come to some sort of like arrangement you know we'd all love to have big houses where we have this you know the space where we can have our independence and obviously that needs to be taken into consideration that it's not like that and not all the time that family will consider your practicalities daily practicals that's happening all they want is to see their son or their daughter and spend time with them so you got to understand the underlying issue there that you need to put up sometimes and you know keep up with these things or make plans to make it more comfortable in the future we plan for everything else we plan for holidays maybe taking time out to plan for something that we can make it more spacious for us you know I know people that have actually moved and I know you know turned turned a study into a room for them when it comes or you know turned the I don't know an extra space just that they can have that I'm not saying to like build a outward garden or whatever annex but you know it can be done but at the same time again we need to learn that we are going to be faced with different challenges and again there's a lot of it when it comes to in-laws and you know different generations from different families and yes there are different cultures with different ways of being but there's nothing wrong in staying like that the foundations are the same we have to all you know pray and eat certain foods from different cultures and enjoy it embrace it and the difficulties work through it inshallah thank you very much I hope you leave that explanation can help our viewer our next viewer is Huda my children are taken care of by the grandparents which I am grateful for as I work full-time there is an issue with the upbringing as I feel that my children do not listen to me or respect my rules because they are taught differently when with their grandparents and are actually given more freedom than I would like can you suggest ways to make the grandparents understand that it's not good for the children or me without offending me yes offending them sorry yeah that is very very vital because I'm really like strong on you know raising children a particular way and even if you're not there it's very easy to tell someone that you're paying that's from outside I have these set rules and regulations and you follow it when it comes to members of family looking after your child they're not necessarily gonna like you know do it your way they don't feel that they have to yeah but you need to build that relationship with the person that you he's looking after your child you get to know each other you've got to build that relationship between the two of you and talk it out and it's going to take time and you're going to show them your techniques and tell them why you're doing it and it's going to help them the children and yourself when you're coming home so that you're not always you know telling them things differently and depending on the age as well you know you also got to allow your children to experience different types of you know learning and teaching that if you were at Beebe's house for example you know she lets you do certain things and I'm okay with that but when you come home I have my rules and you're going to be help you know doing it my way and they have to adapt to it and adjust to it so there's various ways in which you can deal with that but you need to build that relationship with that person that's looking after your child whether they are relative or not because that's your child no matter what you need to have that close contact and connections that you know that when you're not around you know whether you're sending a text or whether or not you're there or you're having outings with the person that's looking after your child especially if they're your relative to show them that you know I have these ways of bringing them up not because I think I'm better and my way is better there's benefit to it there's reason for it a lot of the times people are doing it their way because they're trying to say that you know my way is the way to go so understand why they're doing it and maybe improve on it or accept it because maybe you haven't thought of it so it's a way in which you're seeing it as well you're not trying to you know put the authority on them because this is my kid or this is my son's you know okay you're the mother but this is my son's kid as well for example and I'm gonna bring him up bring you my grandchildren up the way I brought my son up and you know they're all these sort of thoughts coming to play because you know everyone wants to take that lead but for the wrong reasons the main concern are the children of course is this for their benefit realistically in this day and age what am I doing whoever's they are parents grandparents babysitters whoever nannies they all need to consider what's beneficial for the child when you put the child first and take into consideration the modern way of thinking and believing and you know the current way because that's what they need to grow to develop to change you know and basically you know help themselves even because you're there to assist them so that they don't need that reliance even on us as adults then you look at it from a different perspective you say it to them and eventually that will actually work it really does inshallah thank you so much for that and we'll move on to the next viewer and it's mosa and he says I want to spend as much time with my parents as possibly possible sorry especially at their age but my wife wants more time with hers or just us as a family with our kids only and the weekends are getting more complicated how do I manage the time so I can balance this where everyone gets what they want and be happy with no issues time management organization skills you know while I guess you know having your rotor like you so like using schedule no I mean to be honest a lot of the time again we make assumptions as to we need to spend more time we need to spend less time we're not having enough time and that quality time needs to be quality time when you have quality time with people it's not about not having the time it's about even having a conversation with someone on your way home from work whether it's talking to your wife or your parents can build that connection and bond that you don't feel the stress and even if you don't see them for like a few days it's not a problem so you got to use the different methods and you know we can use technology to our advantage even if you're sitting at home tired it's not because all your wife doesn't want you to go I'm tired I come late from work I'm gonna FaceTime my parents I'm gonna let them see my face you know or I'm actually gonna go out there out of my way on my own and I'm gonna see them at a time that you know it's not going to take away my family time with just the family and you got to switch it up where it's going to be you know constant you know change balance and each one's going to get something and at the same time we assume that people need certain things but we need to get to the bottom as to what's really available what's really needed and it's not about even just giving the time it's about really caring when you care these things don't really matter time doesn't matter so when you care for somebody it's shown in so many ways and just having to spend time don't think that oh because you could be sit there a lot of families they sit together I'm giving you time but I'm only watching tv and I'm on my phone I'm on my laptop and I'm not actually there with you you want to be there with somebody you be there with someone properly you know mindfully then it wouldn't matter with the time you know in a sense of you know looking at you know I've got this weekend free I don't have it free and I can't put everyone in and I just want family together it wouldn't matter you know when you're at work you give it a hundred percent when you're at home you give it a hundred percent when you with your wife you give it a hundred percent when you with your children you give it a hundred percent that's how you got to be that's mindfulness for you being present and not feeling overwhelmed because that people have to accept that you know you know everyone has you know limitations everyone has you know even me time just for myself we need all of that so just just don't be too hard on yourself you can't do everything and anything and you need to prioritize and yes time is short with your parents but I'm sure if you have a word with them that you can alternate certain days or you can bring family occasions together well that's there's so many occasions where there's birthdays and anniversaries where everyone gets together or there are times where you have weekends and say you know I'm going to go out with my wife just only or just family on our own and it's all okay it doesn't have to be weekly it could be monthly even it depends on your situation some parents and older parents they can be a bit demanding because they have the time yeah they have the time so they don't have the expectations that they they expect their children to do certain things even though they have maybe a hectic house or home if you're stuck in the middle between your parents and your spouse and your sandwich in the middle how can you you're being torn from both sides basically you're in a really bad situation because you're having to please everyone else except for yourself again like I was just trying to explain it's it's it depends how you are giving that time it can be given in so many ways and you can be smart about it there's different strategies and techniques where you can talk to somebody give them time give them energy give them yourself and when you do that in various ways it doesn't mean you physically going out there right you know you do it in different ways different techniques different styles you know just sending them your mom a bunch of flowers on the odd day don't just wait for mother's day you know she might just disregard seeing you because she might just think my son really thought about me when he doesn't even have to people don't think like that go out of the norm and the routine and just thinking that I'm going there you know or just surprise her or even your wife there's so many ways of doing things and when you do it even sometimes the old-fashioned way it can work a lot more stronger and powerful very true yeah so that's why we need to learn from the old and the old needs to learn from the you and blend it and hopefully we'll have a huge massive beautiful concoction yeah it's that it's that balance isn't it of both worlds but being smart being clever and you know you can you know sit at home and you know flowers are sent she's loving it yeah there you go job done exactly yeah and also the children can learn they'll be like if you have younger children they can see how you're adapting to the older generation as well as them they're so children they're so observant like I had said before so everything you do impacts your children and eventually they'll start building maybe some skills of how they will treat their grandparents how they will adapt to the way their grandparents are and how their parents are so when they go to their grandparents house they might react in a different way yeah or the way they show respect might be different exactly and we are all about routine and doing the same things and sometimes we need to step out of that routine if we don't see our you know and spend time just with the family with the wife and the children on one weekend it's not a bad deal because you've done something else to compensate for it during the week okay so that's another way you know be smart again you've got to use your you know you've got to use your mind to innovate and create things which is out of the norm so that people don't complain about wanting the norm even though that norm is actually not that necessary when it's just routine anyway you've got to make sure that you give love attention time and respect in various ways so that when you don't have the physical time and the ability it doesn't matter again I'm looking deeper again I'm looking at something so different again I'm not looking at something which is just surface so you need to you know come up with different ways of being a certain way that you can show love time and attention to somebody and they feel it back without you physically being there yeah definitely and would you say communication seems to be the key in all of this as in you're coming back to always yeah but that communication is so widely used and people don't realize the amount of ways in which we communicate how we communicate the way in which we use language the way in which you know we sit looking at each other and even frowning or having a facial expression that's communication so if you have the right intention and you do things with heart with passion with real want then all of that shows in every form not just through your words and people can feel it they can sense it and they won't be demanding more of you because they know that you're there for them you've given them the support whether it's your wife from the one end or your parents from the other you can balance it all definitely I mean I know some families where they the the daughter-in-law thinks that she isn't liked by the in-laws but sometimes I I think well what is it that that person's doing to make them act like that maybe with the the communication that we were saying the facial expressions the eye contact the body language the gestures all these things play a role so if you're just not giving them eye contact or frowning like you had said maybe closed arm not open arms not hugging embracing signals and messages that those signals are reaching them and so they are responding with the same similar signals to you so you think you're not liked but yet you're not showing them that you like them as much do you think that happens sometimes of course it happens a lot and you actually made me think about something else because we as humans we make a lot of assumptions and we generalize and we distort information and we take one scenario that's happened we create our own meaning and our own story we run with it instead of trying to really think okay my mother-in-law just had a bad day and she didn't talk to me not because she you know I walked into the house and she stopped talking you know because that's what happens we'll make that assumption from one incident and that's it I'm not going there again you know why put me in that situation instead of assessing she was tired or it could be vice versa where the mother-in-law thinks that of the daughter-in-law for example you know we have these scenarios all the time and we will run with that story on one incident make it a whole big deal and you know it means something it does something without even having you know communicated or even giving them benefit of doubt if you don't want to address it and keep going and keep you know seeing how that is you know being relayed over time and you might realize it's actually it's nothing or it's just their way and if it is personal you can sit down and have a conversation with them or show them who you are without even addressing it that I'm still there to love you and care for you even if I'm not your real daughter I'm your daughter-in-law for example it's all about who you are and I work with people to transform them so that they can transform themselves and the people around them and it all starts with you thank you very much a good good note to end on thank you very much Fahima and inshallah our viewers have benefited from the discussion but unfortunately we need to come to an end of the show and inshallah we'll see you soon assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wabarakatuh