 Wow, hey guys. I just tried to film and probably said the same sentence without realizing it For five minutes straight. So, hi, by the way, I'm Kinsey. If you guys are new here, maybe watch a different video first This might not be the one. Anyways, I just wanted to kind of sit down and talk with you guys Because I feel like I'm in like a very different place than like I've been letting on But I don't even want to say that like I don't want to say that it's been fake because it hasn't But also, I feel like it's only half of the story and especially like me do you guys on tour and stuff I feel like I'm just not really sharing. I think I Want to share a lot with you guys and I want this channel to be a place where it's like very real and Like this is real life. It's real people But I think sometimes either like overshare or under share and I think way more of the time I share a lot less than I think that I do or like I Trying like mental health and stuff. I've talked about that on my channel a lot But I haven't talked about it in probably I can't even tell you the last time I talked about that So yeah, basically, I don't know. I don't know what I'm trying to say. This video is probably gonna be all over the place I'm just gonna talk to you guys Yeah, it's I don't even know the point I think it's just kind of like opening up to you guys and If any of you guys feel this way or anything that is amazing. No, that is amazing. That is not good but Just like a way of like connecting with you guys I think a lot of the time too. My videos are about like being productive working really hard Whatever, I think that's awesome. I think that's just small minutes go a part of life I think there's so much more to life I want my channel to be way more about like loving people than it is about like working really hard And I know that it is more about working really hard I feel like but I don't really want that and I don't really know how to change that and A lot of the time when I meet you guys especially on the tour that we were just on which is so amazing and so fun A lot of you guys were like you inspire me so much to work harder and like do whatever and blah blah blah Which is amazing, but I also Know that I don't want you guys to think that I always am on a hundred fifty percent and I don't want you guys to think that you always have to be on a hundred fifty percent and Yeah, basically, we'll get we'll get to the story. I don't know. I think Since I want to say probably since getting out of school, which is kind of where it's been starting summer I've been feeling a little bit off, and I think it's just kind of spiraled down and down But in that there's been like really really high highs and really really low low, so I don't want to say I am one thing When I don't know if that makes any sense like some days are really good and some days are really really bad And when they're bad they're very very bad. I also hope this is in focus if this isn't in focus I am going to personally call Canon myself. Anyways, it's a Wednesday night, by the way I have some tea just got back from church. It's like midnight. Okay. Anyways, I don't think anyone cares. I have not been feeling myself I've not been feeling great either, which is so Like almost just like it's I don't want to say stupid It's just annoying because it's like everything in my life is going really great Like I am being I'm doing a lot of the things that I've literally prayed for for like ever I love my life. I love my friend. I love like the leaders of my life. I love like my church I love my family like I'm in a really good place with so many really good Relationships in my life Work stuff is going good that I like really always wanted to do Yeah, like there's not really anything that's like super super off right now That would like make me feel this way if that makes any sense I hate like I think the reason that I don't talk about this on the internet like mental health and anxiety and depression is because Even though I know that this isn't true And I know that they're not linked and I preach that they're not linked But I don't know why it's so ingrained in me Like I don't want to like sit here and talk to a camera and up enough about this because then I think like People are just gonna think I'm complaining or people are just gonna think I'm ungrateful or whatever and like that Couldn't be further from the case like I am so grateful like a few weeks ago I was in the car with Morgan and we were literally I just got back from New York. I was in our life like two days I was going to the JoJo concert and if you guys know JoJo or know me and JoJo you know that like JoJo was like my childhood like that is one of my favorite artists in the world So I was going to like one of her like a concert of hers And I was leaving for Chicago the next morning, which is another one of my favorite cities And I was with Morgan that whole day And I was just talking to her and I was like I just need you around me, but I was like I Like I was like having like a shortness of breath all day Like I was like I would like be really pale at some points like my anxiety was just so bad And it happened so bad And I remember I was driving in the car in the way the concert and I was like Morgan like I am walking in The days that like I've wanted for so long like I should be so happy right now Like I'm doing all these amazing things. I'm meeting all these people I'm doing the things that I want to do. Why do I still feel this way? Like my soul itself is not good like I'm not good and it's like some days I'm really on like I'm amazing and then some days I'm like really really low and like I have struggle with anxiety depression for a very long time. I've had a lot Okay, I don't know how to say this the past two years have been a lot better But I don't think it's more so like I've learned how to deal with it a lot better And I definitely am in a way healthier place if that makes any sense Like I was diagnosed in like seventh grade Diagnosis that like that sounds kind of weird to say but anyways diagnosed in seventh grade Also sounds weird to say and I was on meds for a while. I'm not on meds anymore. I think meds are amazing I think getting help is amazing therapy everything amazing done at all Still need to do it all. I don't know. I was just like I don't know why all of a sudden It's just so bad again. Normally. I'm really good at taking precautions. I know the things that like trigger me I know the things that make me a lot better make me feel a lot better whatever and I was like I'm just feeling so not good right now and like if you look on my Instagram And if you look at my vlogs and stuff I am my vlogs I do talk about it a little bit and I you can kind of I can tell my vlogs when I'm feeling this way I'm not very good at hiding it But it's like you would think that I'm having the time of my life and like I was But I'm also just like something is just very off like I'm just not okay I'm feeling better right now than I normally do because I just went to church And I was a great service pretty much about this kind of in my mind But when I was back especially in between the tour dates and I was just in LA for a few days one I think like when I get back from trips, I'm always in a weird mood I don't know why that is as matter if I want to be or not. I'm sure that's a thing Really affects me negatively. I don't know why I wish it wasn't a thing But also it was like to the point where I'm okay This is like an idea I've been thinking about but it's like how we're so like accessible to people 24-7 Also, it kind of contradicts, but it doesn't like I love people I want my capacity for people to be as what it's supposed to be as much as it's supposed to be That's like why I want to be doing anything on this earth is because I love people It's not for any other well God, but it's not for like any other thing whatever But it was like to the point where I was kind of going crazy And I was like I think it's not even like It's not that I think I need to hold back from what I'm doing It's not that I think I just like in a very unhealthy place Like to the point where I get a text message and it would like set me off like it'd be like oh my god Like I can't like I can't do it. I wasn't replying like I don't know It's just like it sounds stupid and it sounds horrible and I sound like a terrible person But like it was just like to the point where like someone would text me and like I still feel this way honestly And I'm like oh my gosh like Just being like I can't be and like this is so Classic me being way deeper than it needs to be but like it is in some of these situations like I'm not I can't be What they want me to be for them right now or really? I don't know if I ever want to be or if I'm ever supposed to be and it's just kind of like I don't know it's just I don't know something I've been dealing with this past year because it's just I Don't want to say I'm spending myself to them But I think I there's a lot of different areas in my life with a lot of different people and I don't want to be A bad friend. I care about people But also I think to love people and to do whatever you're not supposed to be everything for everyone And I think that I was putting the pressure on myself to be that even though I didn't want to be that so it Doesn't really make sense nothing in this video really makes sense Am I gonna post this who knows well basically like just not feeling okay If my mom came in town my family's in town right now, and I'm like I'm just really not okay I've been telling Joe this like Emotionally, I'm just like not there and there's something off and something wrong I like mental health is very real and that is a very real thing and that is what it is at the end of the day There are things that I do personally that helped me a lot like right now I just deleted all my social apps. It's not because I think I first off clearly I don't think social media is bad I think social media is one of the best things to ever happen, but for me it Can distract me like I find like right now? I'm just kind of like I don't know how to like fully like there's a difference between like being lazy and like Wrestling and I've just been lazy because like my family's gonna tell them whatever, but it's like For me, I'll get like distract your else be on social media when like I don't need to be on it Like that's not what I want to be focusing on right now. It's also what I think it's healthy for everyone to unplug Also exercise I got interrupted but what I'm saying is I think it was like a combination of Everything self-induced for me. I feel like it's a combination of like Just being so everything is like you're so easily accessible to everyone. It's just a lot Putting like so much pressure on myself. Just like I don't like not taking care of myself Not prioritizing self-care just kind of like being on the go But I know this probably doesn't make any sense and like it really doesn't because Anxiety depression, which I hate even yeah, it's just like it Doesn't it make sense and but the last thing I think there is not making this video is because the last thing I want to do this channel is to like make this like character, I think That is like that and like everything that I post my channel is me It's just like this is also me and there's more to the story And I think that it's just important to like let you guys know where I'm at almost and I'm definitely getting better Things are getting better. I've talked to like Danielle and Morgan and like my family and like my all my best friends Basically about this and this has been a thing in my life like ever so I always end up it ends up being fine And again, I don't want this to come off as like I'm not complaining about my life. I love my life I'm so grateful like I could cry. I'm so grateful But it's just goes to show like there's a lot of people who are way better off that feel this way There's a lot of people who are way worse off to feel this way. It's a thing I hope something in this video made sense From here, I'm going to go back to like my really healthy habits and take care of myself and kind of just like take the time That I need to I deleted my social apps. I already mentioned that that helps me just to unplug And just like spend time with family over the next few days I'm not like taking time off you wouldn't even know if I took time off YouTube because a lot of things are pre-filmed right now but I Hope this was helpful to someone. Does this even make sense? I don't know. It's just me talking to you guys and being honest and Yeah, if any of you guys ever feel this way you were not alone It is not all like girl boss working 24-7 follow-up We all have this and I just don't want it I don't want to like paint this picture as something that it isn't that makes any sense If you are dealing with any of this though seriously go see a doctor. There's medication. There's therapy There's so many things that you guys can do I probably need to go watch therapy do it's a great thing. I'm so behind it I hope you guys enjoyed this video. That's such a weird thing to say. Um That's pretty much it for the video. That's all I'm gonna say right now I'm just in a weird place, but it's fine Totally fine. This is more so just like I don't want anyone to think that life is Something that it isn't for me. Anyways, I've explained this so many times I just I hope that this helps someone and does something. I love you guys so much. I really do um Thank you guys so much like I'm so grateful for you guys and my life and again I'm not complaining at all. I'm so grateful for everything It's just like this stuff happens and it sucks sometimes, but I love you guys so much Um, I you guys are not alone seriously comment section down below always there. We're always there for each other I love when you guys like befriend each other in the comments or at meetups or whatever It's so freaking cute. Okay. I love you guys so much and I'll talk to you soon. Bye