 Chapter 7 of David Copperfield This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Valiya Kojant. David Copperfield by Charles Dickens. Chapter 7. My First Half at Salem House School began in earnest next day. A profound impression was made upon me, I remember, by the roar of voices in the school room suddenly becoming hushed as death when Mr. Creakle entered after breakfast and stood in the doorway looking round upon us like a giant in a storybook surveying his captives. Ton Hai stood at Mr. Creakle's elbow. He had no occasion, I thought, to crowd silence so ferociously, for the boys were all struck speechless and motionless. Mr. Creakle was seen to speak and Ton Hai was heard to this effect. Now, boys, this is a new half. Take care what you're about in this new half. Come fresh up to the lessons, I advise you, for I come fresh up to the punishment. I won't flinch. It will be of no use you're rubbing yourselves. You won't rub the marks out that I shall give you. Now get to work, every boy. When this dreadful exordium was over and Ton Hai had stumped out again, Mr. Creakle came to where I sat and told me that if I were famous for biting, he was famous for biting too. He then showed me the cane and asked me what I thought of that for a tooth. Was it a sharp tooth, Hai? Was it a double tooth, Hai? Had it a deep prong, Hai? Did it bite, Hai? Did it bite? And every question he gave me a fleshy cut with it that made me riff. So I was very soon made free of Salem House, as Tierford said, and very soon in tears also. Not that I mean to say these were special marks of distinction, On the contrary, a large majority of the boys, especially the smaller ones were visited with similar instances of notice as Mr. Creakle made the round of the school room. Half the establishment was writhing and crying before the day's work began and how much of it had writhed and cried before the day's work was over, I am really afraid to recollect as I should seem to exaggerate. I should think there never can have been a man who enjoyed his profession more than Mr. Creakle did. He had a delight in cutting at the boys, which was like the satisfaction of a craving appetite. I am confident that he couldn't resist the chubby boy, especially, that there was a fascination in such a subject, which made him restless in his mind until he had scored and marked him for the day. I was chubby myself and ought to know. I am sure when I think of the fellow now, my blood rises against him with the disinterested indignation I should feel if I could have known all about him without having ever been in his power. But it rises hotly because I know him to have been an incapable brute who had no more right to be possessed of the great trust he held than to be Lord High Admiral or Commander-in-Chief in either of which capacities it is probable that he would have done infinitely less mischief. Miserable little propitiators of a remorseless idol, how object we were to him. What a launching life I think he now on looking back to be so mean and servile to a man of such parts and pretensions. Here I sit at the desk again watching his eye humbly watching his eye as he rules a ciphering book for another victim whose hands have just been flattened by that identical ruler and who is trying to wipe this thing out with a pocket handkerchief. I have plenty to do. I don't watch his eye in idleness but because I am morbidly attracted to it in a dread desire to know what he will do next and whether it will be my turn to suffer or somebody else. A lane of small boys beyond me with the same interest in his eye watch it too. I think he knows it, though he pretends he doesn't. He makes dreadful mouths as he rules the ciphering book and now he throws his eye sideways down our lane and we all droop over our books in tremble. A moment afterwards we are again eyeing him. An unhappy culprit found guilty of imperfect exercise which is at his command. The culprit falters excuses and professes a determination to do better tomorrow. Mr. Creakle cuts a joke before he beats him and we laugh at it. In miserable little dogs we laugh with our visages as white as ashes and our hearts sinking into our boots. Here I sit at the desk again on a drowsy summer afternoon. A buzz and hum go up around me as if the boys were so many blue bottles. A clocky sensation of the lukewarm fat of mean is upon me. We dined an hour or two ago and my head is as heavy as so much lead. I would give the world to go to sleep. I sit with my eye in Mr. Creakle blinking at him like a young owl. When sleep overpowers me for a minute he still looms through my slumber ruling those ciphering books until he softly comes behind me and wakes me to plainer perception of him with a red ridge across my back. Here I am in the playground with my eye still fascinated by him though I can't see him. The window at a little distance from which I know he is having his dinner stands for him and eye-eye that instead. If he shows his face near it mine assumes an imploring and submissive expression. If he looks out through the glass the boldest boy, Steerford accepted, stops in the middle of a shout or yell and becomes a loud voice. Steerford accepted stops in the middle of a shout or yell and becomes contemplative. One day trattles the most unfortunate boy in the world breaks that window accidentally with a ball. I shudder at this moment with a tremendous sensation of seeing it done and feeling that the ball has bounded onto Mr. Creakle's sacred head. Poor trattles in a tight sky blue suit that made his arms and legs like German sausages or roly-poly puddings the merriest and most miserable of all the boys. He was always being caned. I think he was caned every day that half year except one holiday Monday when he was only ruled on both hands and was always going to write to his uncle about it and never did. After laying his head on the desk for a little while he would cheer up somehow begin to laugh again and draw skeletons all over his slate before his eyes would dry. I used at first to wonder what comfort trattles found in drawing skeletons and for some time looked upon him as a sort of hermit who reminded himself by those symbols of mortality that caning couldn't last forever. But I believe he only did it because they were easy and didn't want any features. He was very honorable, trattles was and held it as a solemn duty in the boys to stand by one another. He suffered for this on several occasions and particularly once when Steerford laughed in church and Tobiro thought it was trattles that took him out. I see him now going away in custody despised by the congregation. He never said who was the real offender though he smarted for it the next day and was imprisoned so many hours that he came forth with a whole churchyard full of skeletons swarming all over his Latin dictionary. But he had his reward. Steerford said there was nothing of the sneak and trattles and we all felt that to be the highest praise. For my part I could have gone through a good deal though I was much less brave than trattles and nothing like so old to have won such a recompense. To see Steerford walk to church before us arm and arm with Miss Creakle was one of the great sights of my life. I didn't think Miss Creakle equal to little Emily in point of beauty and I didn't love her I didn't dare. But I thought her a young lady of extraordinary attractions not to be surpassed. When Steerford in white trousers carried her parasol for her I felt proud to know him and believed that she could not choose but adore him with all her heart. Mr. Sharpe and Mr. Mel were both notable personages in my eyes but Steerford was to them what the sun was to two stars. Steerford continues his protection of me and proved a very useful friend since nobody dared to annoy one whom he honor with his continents. He couldn't or at all events he didn't defend me from Mr. Creakle who was very severe with me but whenever I had been treated worse than usual he always told me that I wanted a little of his pluck and that he wouldn't have stood it himself which I felt he intended for encouragement and considered to be very kind of him. There was one advantage and only one that I know of and Mr. Creakle's severity. He found my play card in his way when he came up or down behind the form on which I sat and wanted to make a cut at me and passing for this reason it was soon taken off and I saw it no more and accidental circumstance cemented the intimacy between Steerford and me in a matter that inspired me with great pride and satisfaction though it sometimes led to inconvenience. It happened on one occasion when he was doing me the honor of talking to me in the playground that I hazarded the observation that something or somebody I forget what now was like something or somebody in Peregrine Pickle. He said nothing at the time but when I was going to bed at night asked me if I had got that book I told him no and explained how it was that I had read it and all those other books of which I have made mention and do you recollect them Steerford said oh yes I replied I had a good memory and I believed I recollected them very well then I tell you what young Copperfield said Steerford you shall tell him to me I can't get to sleep very early at night and I generally wake rather early in the morning we'll go over one after another we'll make some regular Arabian nights of it I felt extremely flattered by this arrangement and we commenced carrying it into execution that very evening what ravages I committed on my favorite authors in the course of my interpretation of them I am not in a condition to say and should be very unwilling to know but I had a profound faith in them and I had to the best of my belief a simple earnest manner of narrating what I did narrate and these qualities went a long way the drawback was that I was often sleepy at night and indisposed to resume the story and then it was rather hard work and it must be done but the disappointment of this place Steerford was of course harder to question in the morning too when I felt weary and should have enjoyed another hour's repose very much it was a tiresome thing to be roused like the Sultana Scheheratze and forced into a long story before the getting up bell rang but Steerford was resolute and as he explained to me then my sums and exercises and anything in my task that was too hard for me I was no loser by the transaction let me do myself justice however I was moved by no interest did or selfish motive nor was I moved by fear of him I admired and loved him and his approval was return enough it was so precious to me that I look back on these trifles now with an aching heart Steerford was considerate too he showed his consideration in one particular instance in an unthenching manner that was a little tantalized I suspect to poor trattles and the rest Pagari's promised letter what a comfortable letter it was arrived before the half was many weeks old and with it a cake in a perfect nest of oranges and two bottles of cow slip wine this treasure as in duty bound I laid at the feet of Steerford and begged him to dispense now I'll tell you what young Copperfield said he the wine shall be kept to wet your whistle when you're a storyteller I blushed at the idea and begged him in my modesty not to think of it but he said he had observed I was sometimes horse a little rupee was his exact expression and it should be every drop devoted to the purpose he had mentioned accordingly it was locked up in his box and drawn off by himself in a file and administered to me through a piece of quill in the cork when I was supposed to be in want of a restorative sometimes to make it a more sovereign specific he was so kind as to squeeze orange juice into it or to stir it up with ginger or dissolve a peppermint to drop it in and although I cannot assert that the flavor was improved by these experiments or that it was exactly the compound one would have chosen for a stomach hick the last thing I played and the first thing in the morning I drank it gratefully and was very sensible of his attention we seem to meet to have been months over peregrine and months more over the other stories the institution never flagged for want of a story I am certain and the wine lasted out almost as well as the matter poor chattels I never think of that boy but with a strange disposition to laugh and with tears in my eyes was a sort of chorus in general and affected to be convulsed with a mirth at the comic parts and to be overcome with fear when there was any passage of an alarming character in the narrative this rather put me out very often it was a great just of his, I recollect to pretend that he couldn't keep his teeth from chattering what never mentioned was made of an algoazil in connection with the adventures of Gil Blas and I remember when Gil Blas met the captain of the robbers in Madrid this unlucky joker counterfeited such aeg of terror that he was overheard by Mr. Crico who was prowling about the passage and handsomely flogged for disorderly conduct in the bedroom whatever I had within me that was romantic and dreamy was encouraged by so much storytelling in the dark and in that respect the pursuit may not have been very profitable to me but the being cherished as a kind of plaything in my room and the consciousness that this accomplishment of mine was brooded about among the boys and instructed a good deal of notice to me that I was the youngest there stimulated me to exertion and the school carried on by sheer cruelty whether it is presided over by a dunce or not there is not likely to be much learned I believe our boys were generally as ignorant as I said any school boys in existence there were too much trouble that knocked about to learn they could no more do that to advantage than anyone can do anything to advantage in the life of innocent misfortune, torment and worry but my little vanity and Steerford's help urged me on somehow and without saving me for much if anything in the way of punishment made me for the time I was there an exception to the general body and so much that I did steadily pick up some crumbs of knowledge in this I was much assisted by Mr. Mal who had a liking for me that I am grateful to remember it always gave me pain to observe that Steerford treated him with systematic disparagement and seldom lost an occasion of wounding his feelings or inducing others to do so this troubled me the more for a long time because I had soon told Steerford from whom I could no more keep such a secret than I could keep a cake or any other tangible possession about the two old women Mr. Mal had taken me to see and I was always afraid that Steerford would let it out and twit him with it we little thought any one of us I daresay when I ate my breakfast that first morning and went to sleep under the shadow of a peacock's feathers to the sound of the food what consequences would come of the introduction into those alms houses of my insignificant person but the visit had its unforeseen consequences and of a serious sort too in their weight one day when Mr. Creakle kept the house from in this position which naturally diffused the lively joy through the school there was a good deal of noise in the course of the morning's work the great relief and satisfaction experienced by the boys made them difficult to manage and though the dreaded Tom High brought his wooden leg in twice or thrice and took notes of the principal offender's names no great impression was made by it as they were pretty sure of getting into trouble tomorrow do what they would and thought it was no doubt to enjoy themselves today it was properly a half holiday being Saturday but as the noise in the playground would have disturbed Mr. Creakle and the weather was not favorable for going out walking we were ordered into school in the afternoon and set some lighter tasks than usual which were made for the occasion it was the day of the week on which Mr. Sharp went out to get his wig wroth so Mr. Mel always did the drudgery wherever it was kept schooled by himself if I could associate the idea of a bull or bear with anyone so mild as Mr. Mel I should think of him in connection with that afternoon when the opera was at its heights all of those animals baited by a thousand ox I recall him bending his aching head supported on his bony hand over the book on his desk and wretchedly endowing to get on with his tiresome work amidst the uproar that might have made the speaker of the House of Commons giddy boys started in and out of their places playing at push in the corner with other boys they were laughing boys singing boys talking boys dancing boys howling boys with their feet boys rolled about him grinning making faces mimicking him behind his back and before his eyes mimicking his poverty his boots his coat his mother everything belonging to him that they should have had consideration for silence cried Mr. Mel suddenly rising up and striking his desk with the book what does this mean it's impossible to bear it it's maddening how can you do it to me boys it was my book that he struck his desk with and following his eye as it glanced round the room I saw the boys all stop some suddenly surprised some half-afraid and some sorry perhaps Steerford's place was at the bottom of the school at the opposite end of the long room he was lounging with his back against the wall and his hands in his pockets and looked at Mr. Mel with his mouth shut up as if he were whistling when Mr. Mel looked at him silence Mr. Steerford said Mr. Mel silence yourself said Steerford turning red whom were you talking to sit down said Mr. Mel sit down yourself said Steerford and mind your business there was a titter and some applause but Mr. Mel was so white that silence immediately succeeded and one boy who had darted out behind him to imitate his mother again changed his mind and pretended to want to pen mend it if you think Steerford said Mr. Mel that I am not acquainted with the power he laid his hand without considering what he did as I supposed upon my head what that I have not observed you within a few minutes urging your juniors on to every sort of outrage against me you are mistaken I don't give myself the trouble of thinking at all about you so I am not mistaken as it happens and when you make use of your position of favoritism here sir pursued Mr. Mel with his lip trembling very much a gentleman a what where is he said Steerford here somebody cried out shame J's Steerford too bad it was Traddles who Mr. Mel instantly disconfident by beating him whole this time to insult one who is not fortunate in life sir and who never gave you the least offense and the many reasons for not insulting whom you are old enough and wise enough to understand said Mr. Mel with his lip trembling more and more you commit a mean and base action you can sit down or stand up as you please sir copperfield gone young copperfield said Steerford coming forward up the room stop a bit I tell you what Mr. Mel once for all when you take the liberty of calling me mean or base or anything of that sort you are an impudent beggar you are always a beggar you know but when you do that you are an impudent beggar Mr. Mel was going to strike Mr. Mel or Mr. Mel was going to strike him or there was any such intention on either side I saw a rigidity come upon the whole school as if they had been turned into stone and found Mr. Creakle in the midst of us with Tom High at his side and Mrs. and Mrs. Creakle looking in at the door as if they were fighting Mr. Mel with his elbows on his desk and his face in his hands sat for some moments quite still Mr. Mel said Mr. Creakle shaking him by the arm and his whisper was so audible now that Tom High felt it unnecessary to repeat his words you have not forgotten yourself I hope no sir no return the master showing his face and shaking his head and rubbing his hands in great agitation no sir no I have remembered myself I know Mr. Creakle I have not forgotten myself I have remembered myself sir I could wish you had remembered me a little sooner Mr. Creakle it would have been more kind sir more just sir it would have saved me something sir Mr. Creakle looking hard at Mr. Mel put his hand on Tom High's shoulder and got his feet upon the form close by and sat upon the desk after still looking hard at Mr. Mel from his throne as he shook his head and rubbed his hands and remained in the same state of agitation Mr. Creakle turned to Steerforth and said now sir as he don't condense him to tell me what is this Steerforth evaded the question for a little while looking in scorn and anger on his opponent and remaining silent I could not help thinking even in that interval I remember what a noble fellow he was in appearance and how homely and plain Mr. Mel looked opposed to him what did he mean by talking about favorites said Steerforth at length favorites repeated Mr. Creakle with the veins in his forehead swelling quickly who talked about favorites he did said Steerforth and pray what did you mean by that sir demanded Mr. Creakle turning angrily on his assistant I meant Mr. Creakle he returned in a low voice as I said that no pupil had a right to violence of his position of favoritism to degrade me to degrade you said Mr. Creakle my stars but give me leave to ask you Mr. what's your name and here Mr. Creakle folded his arms cane and all upon his chest and made such an out of his brows that his little eyes are hardly visible below them whether when you talk about favorites you show proper respect to me to me sir said Mr. Creakle darning his head at him suddenly and drying it back again the principle of disestablishment and your employer it was not judicious sir I am willing to admit said Mr. Mal I should not have done so if I had been cool here Steerforth struck in then he said I was mean and then he said I was base and then I called him a beggar if I had been cool perhaps I shouldn't have called him a beggar but I did and I am ready to take the consequences of it without considering perhaps whether there were any consequences to be taken I felt quite in a glow at this gallant speech and made an impression on the boys too for there was a low storm on them though no one spoke a word I am surprised Steerforth although your counter does you honor said Mr. Creakle does you honor certainly I am surprised Steerforth I must say it that you should attach such an epithet to any person employed and paid in Salem house sir Steerforth gave a short laugh that's not an answer sir said Mr. Creakle to my remark I expect more than that from you Steerforth if Mr. Mel looked homely in my eyes before the handsome boy it would be quite impossible to say how homely Mr. Creakle looked let him deny it said Steerforth denied that he is a beggar Steerforth cried Mr. Creakle why where does he go a begging if he is not a beggar himself his near relations one said Steerforth it's all the same he glanced at me and Mr. Mel's hand gently patted me on the shoulder I looked up with a flash upon my face and remorse in my heart but Mr. Mel's eyes were fixed on Steerforth he continued to pat me kindly on the shoulder but he looked at him since you expect me Mr. Creakle to justify myself since Steerforth and to say what I mean what I have to say is that his mother lives on charity in an owns house Mr. Mel still looked at him and still patted me kindly on the shoulder in a whisper if I heard right yes I thought so Mr. Creakle turned to his assistant with a severe frown and labored politeness now you hear what this gentleman says Mr. Mel have the goodness if you please to send him right before the assembled school he is right sir without correction return Mr. Mel in the midst of a dead silence what he has said is true be so good then as declare publicly will you said Mr. Creakle putting his head on one side whether it ever came to my knowledge until this moment I believe not directly he returned why you know not said Mr. Creakle don't you man I apprehend you never suppose my worldly circumstances to be very good replied the assistant you know what my position is and always has been here I apprehend if you come to that said Mr. Creakle with his veins swelling again bigger than ever that you've been in the wrong position altogether and mistook this for a charity school Mr. Mel will part if you please the sooner the better there is no time until Mr. Mel rising like the present sir to you said Mr. Creakle I take my leave of you Mr. Creakle and all of you said Mr. Mel glancing round the room and again patting me gently on the shoulder James steer forth the best wish I can leave you is that you may come to be ashamed of what you have done today at present I would prefer to issue anything rather than a friend to me or to anyone in whom I feel an interest once more he laid his hand upon my shoulder and then taking his flute and a few books from his desk and leaving the key in it for his successor he went out of the school with his property under his arm Mr. Creakle then made a speech through tongue high which he thanks steer forth for asserting though perhaps too warm the independence and respectability of the Salem house and which he wound up by shaking hands with steer forth while we gave three cheers I did not quite know what for but I supposed for steer forth and so joined in them ardently though I felt miserable Mr. Creakle then came Tommy for being discovered in tears instead of cheers on account of Mr. Mel departure and went back to his cell for hours bed or wherever he had come from we were left to ourselves now and looked very blank on one another for myself I felt so much self-reproach and contrition for my part in what had happened that nothing would have enabled me to keep back my tears but the fear that steer forth who often looked at me I saw might think it unfriendly or I should rather say considering our relative ages and the feeling with which I regarded him undutiful if I showed the emotion which distressed me he was very angry with treadles and said he was glad he had caught it poor treadles who had passed the stage of lying with his head upon the desk and was leaving himself as usual with the burst of skeletons said he didn't care Mr. Mel was ill-used who has ill-used him you girl, said steer forth why you have returned treadles what have I done, said steer forth what have you done, retorted treadles hurt his feelings and lost him his situation his feelings repeated steer forth disdainfully his feelings will soon get the better of it I'll be bound his feelings are not like yours Mr. Treadles as to his situation which was a precious one wasn't it do you suppose I am not going to write home and take care that he gets some money Polly, we thought this intentioned very noble in steer forth whose mother was a widow and rich and would do almost anything it was said that he asked her we were all extremely glad and exalted steer forth to the skies especially when he told us as he couldn't send it to do that what he had done had been done expressly for us and for our cause and that he had conferred a great boon upon us by unselfishly doing it but I must say that when I was going on with a story in the dark that night Mr. Mel's old flute seemed more than once to sound mournfully in my ears and that when at last steer forth was tired and I lay down in my bed playing so sorrowfully somewhere that I was quite wretched I soon forgot him in the contemplation of steer forth who in an easy amateur way and without any book he seemed to me to know everything by heart took some of his classes until a new master was found the new master came from a grammar school and before he entered on his duties dined in the parlor one day to be introduced to steer forth steer forth approved of them highly and told us he was a brick without exactly understanding and distinction was meant by this I respected him greatly for it and had no doubt whatever of his superior knowledge though he never took the pains with me not that I was anybody that Mr. Mel had taken there was only one other event in this half year out of the daily school life that made an impression on me which still survives it survives for many reasons one afternoon when we were all harassed into a state of dire confusion and Mr. Creekel was laying about him dreadfully ton high came in and called out in his usual strong way visitors for Copperfield a few words were interchanged between him and Mr. Creekel as who the visitors were and what room they were to be shown into and an eye who had according to custom stood upon the announcement being made and felt quite faint with astonishment was told to go by the back stairs and get a clean frill on before I repaired to the dining room these orders are obeyed and such a flutterin' hurray of my young spirit as I had never known before and when I got to the parlor door and the thought came into my head that it might be my mother I had only thought of Mr. or Mrs. Mertstone then I drew back my hand from the lock and stopped to have a sob before I went in at first I saw nobody but feeling a pressure against the door I looked round and there to my amazement the Mr. Pigotti and him ducking at me with their hats squeezing one another against the wall I could not help laughing but it was much more in the pleasure of seeing them than at the appearance they made we shook hands in a very cordial way and I laughed and laughed until I pulled up my pocket handkerchief and wiped my eyes Mr. Pigotti who never shot his mouth once I remember during the visit showed great concern when he saw me do this and nudged him to say something Cheer up master Davy Bo I am in a simple way why how you have grown am I grown? I said dry in my eyes I was not crying at anything particular that I know of but somehow it made me cry to see all the trends growed master Davy Bo ain't he growed? says him ain't he growed? said Mr. Pigotti they made me laugh again by laughing at each other and then we all three laughed until I was in danger of crying again do you know how mama is Mr. Pigotti? I said and how my dear old Pigotti is? on common said Mr. Pigotti and little Emily and Mrs. Gummage on common said Mr. Pigotti there was a silence Mr. Pigotti to relieve it took two prodigious stopsters and an enormous crab in a large canvas bag of shrimps out of his pockets and piled them up in Ham's arms you see said Mr. Pigotti knowing as you was partial to a little relish with your widows along with us we took the liberty the old Martha piled them she did Mrs. Gummage piled them yes said Mr. Pigotti slowly who I thought appeared to stick to the subject on account of having no other subject ready Mrs. Gummage I do as she piled them I expressed my thanks and Mr. Pigotti after looking at Ham who stood smiling sheepishly over the shellfish without making any attempt to help him said we come you see and then tired making in our favor and one of our yarn mouth locks to the Graveson my sister she wrote to me the name of this here place and wrote to me as if ever I chance to come Graveson I was to come over and inquire for Master Davy and give her duty humbly wishing him well and reporting of the family as they was uncommon to be sure little Emily you see she'll write to my sister when I go back as I see you and as you was here uncommon and so we make it quite a merry go round I was obliged to consider little before understood Mr. Pigotti meant by this little figure expressive a complete circle of intelligence I then thanked him heartily and said with the consciousness of redening that I suppose little Emily was altered too since we used to pick up shells and pebbles on the beach she's getting to be a woman that's what she's getting to be said Mr. Pigotti ask him he meant ham who beam put the light and ascent over the bag of shrimps her pretty face said Mr. Pigotti that is all shining like a light her learning said ham her writing said Mr. Pigotti why it's as black as jet and so large it is you might see it anywhere's it was perfectly delightful to behold with what enthusiasm Mr. Pigotti became inspired when he thought of his little favorite he stands before me again his bluff hairy face radiating with a joyful love and pride which I can find no description his honest eyes fire up in sparkle as if their depths were stirred by something bright his broad chest heaves with pleasure his strong loose hands clench themselves in his earnestest and he emphasizes what he says with the right arm that shows in my pygmy view like a sledgehammer Ham was quite as earnest as he I dare say they would have said much more about her if they had not been abashed by the unexpected coming in of Steerforth who seen me in a corner speaking with two strangers stopped in a song he was singing and said I don't know you were here young couple of you who was not the usual visiting room and crossed by us on his way out I am not sure whether it was in the pride of having such a friend as Steerforth or in the desire to explain to him how I came to have such a friend as Mr. Pigotti that I called him as he was going away but I said modestly good heaven how it all comes back to me just long time afterwards don't go Steerforth if you please these are two yarmouth both men very kind good people who are relations of my nurse and have come from grave sin to see me I said Steerforth returning I'm glad to see them how are you both there was an ease in his manner a gay and light manner it was but not swaggering which I still believed to have born a kind of enchantment with it I still believe him in virtue of his discourage his animal spirits his delightful voice his handsome face and figure and for what I know of some inborn power of attraction besides which I think a few people possess to have carried a spell with him to which it was a natural weakness to yield and which not many persons could withstand I could not but see how pleased they were with him and how they seem to open their hearts to him in a moment you must let them know at home if you please Mr. Pigotti I said when that letter is sent that Mr. Steerforth is very kind to me and that I don't know what I should ever do here without him nonsense said Steerforth laughing you mustn't tell them anything of the sort and if Mr. Steerforth ever comes to Norfolk or Suffolk Mr. Pigotti I said while I am there you may depend on it that I shall bring him to Yarmouth if you will let me to see your house I never saw such a good house Steerforth it's made out of a boat made out of a boat is it is it Steerforth it's the right sort of house for such a thorough built boatman so tis sir so tis sir said him grinning you're right young gentlemen Master Davy Boer gentlemen's right a thorough built boatman whore whore what's that he is too Mr. Pigotti was no less pleased than his nephew though his modesty forbade him to claim a personal compliment so was she fiercely well sir he said buying and chocolate talking in the ends of his neckerchief at his breast I thank you sir I thank you I do my endeavours in my line of life sir the best of men can do no more Mr. Pigotti said Steerforth he had got his name already I'll pound it it's what you do yourself sir said Mr. Pigotti shaking his head and what you do well right well I thank you sir I'm obliged to you sir for your welcoming manner of me I'm rough sir but I'm ready least ways I hope I'm ready you understand my house ain't much for to see sir but it's hardy at your service if ever you should come along with Master Davy to see it I'm a regular Doddman I am till Mr. Pigotti by which he meant snail and this was an allusion to us being slow to go we had attempted to go after every sentence and had somehow or other come back again but I wish you both well and I wish you had I'm echoed the sentiment and we parted with them in the hardiest manner I was almost tempted that evening to tell Steerforth about pretty little Emily but I was too timid of mentioning her name and too much of hate of his laughing at me I remembered that I thought a good deal and in an uneasy sort of way about Mr. Pigotti having said that she was getting on to be a woman but I decided that was nonsense we transported the shellfish or the relish as Mr. Pigotti had modestly called it up to a room unobserved and made a great supper that evening but Trattles couldn't get happily out of it he was too unfortunate even to come through a supper like anybody else he was taken ill in the night quite prostrate he was in the consequence of crab and after being drugged with black drots and blue pills to an extent which temple whose father was a doctor said was enough to under minor horses constitution receive the caning and six chapters of Greek testament for refusing to confess the rest of the half year is a jumble in my recollection of the daily strife and struggle of our lives of the waning summer and the changing season of the frosty mornings when we were wrung out of bed and the cold cold smell of the dark nights when we were wrung into bed again of the evening schoolroom dimly lighted and indifferently warm and the morning schoolroom which was nothing but a great shivering machine of the alternation of boiled beef with roast beef and boiled mutton of cloves of bread and butter dog seared lesson books crack slates tear blotted copy books canings, rulerings hair cuttings, rainy sundays, sweet puddings and a dirty atmosphere of ink surrounding all I will remember though how the distant idea of the holidays after seeming for an immense time to be a stationary spec began to come towards us and to grow and grow how from counting months we came to weeks and then to days and how I then began to be afraid that I should not be sent for and when I learned from Steerford that I had been sent for and should not need to go home had them for boardings that I might break my leg first how the breaking up day changed its place fast at last from the week after next to next week this week the day after tomorrow, tomorrow, today, tonight when I was inside the Yarmouth mail and going home had many a broken sleep inside the Yarmouth mail and many an incoherent dream of all these things but when I woke at intervals the ground outside the window was not the playground of Salem House and the sound in my ears was not the sound that Mr. Creakle gave me to trattles but the sound of the coachman touching up the horses End of Chapter 7 Chapter 8 of David Copperfield This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org David Copperfield Chapter 8 My Holidays especially one happy afternoon When we arrived before day at the inn where the mail stopped which was not the inn where my friend the waiter lived I was shown up to a nice little bedroom with dolphin painted on the door very cold I was I know not withstanding the hot tea they had given me or a large fire downstairs and very glad I was to turn into the dolphin's bed pull the dolphin's blankets round my head and go to sleep Mr. Barkas the carrier was to call for me in the morning at nine o'clock I got up at eight a little giddy from the shortness of my night's rest and was ready for him before the appointed time He received me exactly as if not five minutes had elapsed since we were last together and I had only been in the hotel to get changed for sixpence something of that sort as soon as I and my box were in the cart and the carrier seated the lazy horse walked away with us all at his accustomed pace you look very well Mr. Barkas I said thinking he would like to know it Mr. Barkas rubbed his cheek with his cuff and then looked at his cuff as if he expected to find some of the bloom upon it but made no other acknowledgement of the compliment I gave your message Mr. Barkas I said I wrote to Pagety Ha! said Mr. Barkas Mr. Barkas seemed gruff and answered dryly wasn't it right Mr. Barkas I asked after a little hesitation why no said Mr. Barkas not the message the message was right enough perhaps said Mr. Barkas but it come to an end there not understanding what he meant I repeated inquisitively came to an end Mr. Barkas nothing come of it he explained looking at me sideways no answer there was an answer expected was there Mr. Barkas said I opening my eyes for this was a new light to me when a man says he's willing said Mr. Barkas turning his glance slowly on me again it's as much as to say that man's a waitin' for an answer well Mr. Barkas well said Mr. Barkas carrying his eyes back to his horse's ears that man's been a waitin' for an answer ever since have you told her so Mr. Barkas no no growled Mr. Barkas reflecting about it I ain't got no call to go and tell her so I never said six words to her myself I ain't a going to tell her so would you like me to do it Mr. Barkas said I doubtfully you might tell her if you would said Mr. Barkas with another slow look at me that Barkas was a waitin' for an answer says you what name is it her name ah said Mr. Barkas with a knot of his head Pegatee christen name or natural name said Mr. Barkas oh it's not her Christian name her Christian name is Clara is it though said Mr. Barkas he seemed to find an immense fund of reflection in this circumstance and sat pondering and inwardly whistling for some time well he resumed at length says you Pegatee Barkas is waitin' for an answer says she perhaps answer to what says you to what I told you what is that says she Barkas's will in says you this extremely artful suggestion Mr. Barkas accompanied with a nudge of his elbow that gave me quite a stitch in my side after that he slouched over his horse in his usual manner and made no other reference to the subject except half an hour afterwards taking a piece of chalk from his pocket and writing up inside the tilt of the cart Clara Pegatee apparently is a private memorandum ah what a strange feeling it was to be going home when it was not home and to find that every object I looked at reminded me of the happy old home which was like a dream I could never dream again the days when my mother and I were all in all to one another and there was no one to come between us rose up before me so sorrowfully upon the road that I am not sure I was glad to be there not sure but that I would rather have remained away and forgotten it in Steerforth's company but there I was and soon I was at our house where the bare old elm trees rung their many hands in the bleak wintry air and shreds of the old rook's nests drifted away upon the wind the carrier put my box down at the garden gate and left me I walked along the path towards the house glancing at the windows and fearing at every step to see Mr. Murdstone or Miss Murdstone lowering out of one of them no face appeared however and being come to the house and knowing how to open the door before dark without knocking I went in with a quiet timid step God knows how infantine the memory may have been that was awakened within me by the sound of my mother's voice in the old parlor when I set foot in the hall she was singing in a low tone I think I must have lain in her arms and heard her singing so to me when I was but a baby the strain was new to me and yet it was so old that it filled my heart brimful like a friend come back from a long absence I believed from the solitary and thoughtful way in which my mother murmured her song that she was alone and I went softly into the room she was sitting by the fire suckling an infant whose tiny hand she held against her neck her eyes were looking down upon its face and she sat singing to it I was so far right that she had no other companion I spoke to her and she started it and cried out but seeing me she called me her dear Davey her own boy and coming half across the room to meet me kneeled down upon the ground and kissed me and laid my head down upon her bosom near the little creature that was nestling there and put its hand to my lips I wish I had died I wish I had died then with that feeling in my heart I should have been more fit for heaven than I ever have been since he's your brother said my mother fondling me Davey my pretty boy my poor child then she kissed me more and more and clasped me around the neck this she was doing when Peggy came running in and bounced down on the ground beside us and went mad about us both for a quarter of an hour it seemed that I had not been expected so soon to be here being much before his usual time it seemed too that Mr. and Miss Murdstone had gone out upon a visit in the neighborhood and would not return before night I had never hoped for this I had never thought it possible that we three could be together undisturbed once more and I felt for the time as if the old days were coming back we dined together by the fireside Peggy was in attendance to wait upon us but my mother wouldn't let her do it and made her dine with us I had my own old plate with a brown view of a man of war in full sail upon it which Peggy had hoarded somewhere all the time I had been away and would not have had broken, she said, for a hundred pounds I had my own old mug with David on it and my own old little knife and fork that wouldn't cut when we were at table I thought it a favorable occasion to tell Peggy about Mr. Barkas who, before I had finished what I had to tell her began to laugh and throw her apron over her face Peggy, said my mother, what's the matter? Peggy only laughed the more and held her apron tight over her face when my mother tried to pull it away and sat as if her head were in a bag What are you doing, you stupid creature? said my mother, laughing Oh, drat the man, cried Peggy, he wants to marry me It would be a very good match for you wouldn't it, said my mother Oh, I don't know, said Peggy, don't ask me I wouldn't have him if he was made of gold nor I wouldn't have anybody Then why don't you tell him so, you ridiculous thing, said my mother Tell him so, retorted Peggy, looking out of her apron He has never said a word to me about it He knows better If he was to make so bold as to say a word to me I should slap his face Her own was as red as ever I saw it or any other face, I think but she only covered it again for a few moments at a time when she was taken with a violent fit of laughter and after two or three of those attacks went on with her dinner I remarked that my mother, though she smiled when Peggy looked at her became more serious and thoughtful I had seen at first that she was changed her face was very pretty still but it looked care-worn and too delicate and her hand was so thin and white that it seemed to me to be almost transparent but the change to which I now refer was super added to this it was in her manner which became anxious and fluttered at last she said, putting out her hand and laying it affectionately on the hand of her old servant Peggy, dear, you are not going to be married? Me, ma'am? returned Peggy, staring Lord bless you, no! Not just yet? said my mother tenderly Never! cried Peggy My mother took her hand and said Don't leave me, Peggy Stay with me It will not be for long, perhaps What should I ever do without you? Me leave you, my precious cried Peggy Not for all the world and his wife Why, what's put that into your silly little head? For Peggy had been used of old to talk to my mother sometimes like a child But my mother made no answer except to thank her and Peggy went running on in her own fashion Me leave you, I think I see myself Peggy, go away from you I should like to catch her at it No, no, no, said Peggy shaking her head and folding her arms Not she, my dear It isn't that there ain't some cats that would be well enough pleased if she did but they shan't be pleased They shall be aggravated I'll stay with you till I am a cross, cranky old woman And when I'm too deaf and too lame and too blind and too mumbly for want of teeth to be any use at all even to be found fault with then I shall go to my Davy and ask him to take me in And Peggy, says I I shall be glad to see you and I'll make you as welcome as a queen Bless your dear heart, cred Peggy, I know you will And she kissed me beforehand in grateful acknowledgement of my hospitality After that she covered her head up with her apron again and had another laugh about Mr. Barkas After that she took the baby out of its little cradle and nursed it After that she cleared the dinner table After that came in with another cap on and her work box and the yard measure and the bit of wax candle all just the same as ever We sat round the fire and talked delightfully I told them what a hard master Mr. Creakle was and they pitied me very much I told them what a fine fellow Steerforth was and what a patron of mine and Peggy said she would walk a score of miles to see him I took the little baby in my arms when it was awake and nursed it lovingly When it was asleep again I crept close to my mother's side according to my old custom broken now a long time and sat with my arms embracing her waist and my little red cheek on her shoulder and once more felt her beautiful hair drooping over me like an angel's wing as I used to think I recollect and was very happy indeed While I sat thus looking at the fire and seeing pictures in the red hot coals I almost believed that I had never been away that Mr. and Ms. Murdstone were such pictures and would vanish when the fire got low and that there was nothing real in all that I remembered save my mother, Peggy and I Peggy darned away at a stocking as long as she could see and then sat with it drawn on her left hand like a glove and her needle in her right ready to take another stitch whenever there was a blaze I cannot conceive whose stockings they can't have been that Peggy was always darning or where such an unfailing supply of stockings in want of darning can have come from From my earliest infancy she seems to have been always employed in that class of needlework and never by chance in any other I wonder, said Peggy who was sometimes seized with a fit of wondering on some most unexpected topic What's become of Davies great aunt? Lord Peggy observed my mother rousing herself from a reverie What nonsense you talk Well, but I really do wonder, ma'am said Peggy What can have put such a person in your head? inquired my mother Is there nobody else in the world to come there? I don't know how it is, says Peggy Plus it's on account of being stupid but my head can never pick and choose its people They come and they go and they don't come and they don't go just as they like I wonder what's become of her How absurd you are, Peggy returned my mother When would suppose that you wanted a second visit from her? Lord forbid, creed Peggy Well then, don't talk about such uncomfortable things There's a good soul, said my mother Miss Betsy is shut up in her cottage by the sea no doubt and will remain there At all events she is not likely ever to trouble us again No, muse Peggy, no, that ain't likely at all I wonder if she was to die whether she'd leave Davy anything Good gracious me, Peggy returned my mother What a nonsensical woman you are when you know that she took offense at the poor dear boy's ever being born at all I suppose she wouldn't be inclined to forgive him now, hinted Peggy Why should she be inclined to forgive him now, said my mother rather sharply Now that he's got a brother, I mean, said Peggy My mother immediately began to cry and wondered how Peggy dared to say such a thing As if this poor little innocent in its cradle had ever done any harm to you or anybody else you jealous thing, said she You would much better go and marry Mr. Barkas the carrier Why don't you? I should make Miss Murdstone happy if I was to, said Peggy What a bad disposition you have, Peggy, returned my mother You are as jealous of Miss Murdstone as it is possible for a ridiculous creature to be You want to keep the keys yourself and give out all the things, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised if you did when you know that she only does it out of kindness and the best intentions You know she does, Peggy, you know it well Peggy muttered something to the effect of bother the best intentions and something else to the effect that there was a little too much of the best intentions going on I know what you mean, you crossed things, said my mother I understand you, Peggy, perfectly You know I do, and I wonder you don't color up like fire But one point at a time Miss Murdstone is the point now, Peggy, and you shan't escape from it Haven't you heard her say over and over again that she thinks I am too thoughtless and too, uh, pretty? Suggested, Peggy Well, returned my mother, half laughing And if she is so silly as to say so can I be blamed for it? No one says you can, said Peggy No, I should hope not indeed, returned my mother Haven't you heard her say over and over again that on this account she wished to spare me a great deal of trouble which she thinks I am not suited for and which I really don't know myself that I am suited for and isn't she up early and late and going too in fro continually and doesn't she do all sorts of things and grop into all sorts of places co-holes and pantries and I don't know where that can't be very agreeable and do you mean to insinuate that there is not a sort of devotion in that? I don't insinuate at all, said Peggy You do, Peggy, returned my mother You never do anything else except your work You are always insinuating You revel in it And when you talk of Mr. Murdstone's good intentions I never talked to them, said Peggy No, Peggy, returned my mother, but you insinuated That's what I told you just now That's the worst of you Insinuate I said at the moment that I understood you and you see I did When you talk of Mr. Murdstone's good intentions and pretend to slight them for I don't believe you really do in your heart, Peggy You must be as well convinced as I am how good they are and how they actuate him in everything If he seems to have been at all stern with a certain person, Peggy You understand, and so I am sure it does Davey that I am not alluding to anybody present It is solely because he is satisfied that it is for a certain person's benefit He naturally loves a certain person on my account and acts solely for a certain person's good He is better able to judge of it than I am for I very well know that I am a weak, light, girlish creature and that he is a firm, grave, serious man And he takes, said my mother, with the tears which were engendered in her affectionate nature stealing down her face He takes very great pains with me and I ought to be very thankful to him and very submissive to him even in my thoughts And when I am not Peggy, I worry and condemn myself and feel doubtful of my own heart and don't know what to do Peggy sat with her chin on the foot of the stocking looking silently at the fire There, Peggy, said my mother, changing her tone Don't let us fall out with one another for I couldn't bear it You are my true friend, I know, if I have any in the world When I call you a ridiculous creature or a vexatious thing or anything of that sort, Peggy I only mean that you are my true friend and always have been, ever since the night when Mr. Copperfield first brought me home here and you came out to the gate to meet me Peggy was not slow to respond and ratified the treaty of friendship by giving me one of her best hugs I think I had some glimpses of the real character of this conversation at the time but I am sure now that the good creature originated it and took her part in it It was nearly that my mother might comfort herself with the little contradictory summary in which she had indulged The design was efficacious for I remember that my mother seemed more at ease during the rest of the evening and that Peggy observed her less When we had had our tea and the ashes were thrown up and the candle snuffed I read Peggy a chapter out of the crocodile book in remembrance of old times She took it out of her pocket I don't know whether she had kept it there ever since but she talked about Salem House which brought me round again to Steerforth who was my great subject We were very happy and that evening, as the last of its race and destined ever more to close that volume of my life will never pass out of my memory It was almost ten o'clock before we heard the sound of wheels We all got up then and my mother said hurriedly that as it was so late and Mr. and Ms. Murdstone approved of early hours for young people and I chased her and went upstairs with my candle directly before they came in It appeared to my childish fancy as I ascended to the bedroom where I had been imprisoned that they brought a cold blast of air into the house which blew away the old familiar feeling like a feather I felt uncomfortable about going down to breakfast in the morning as I had never set eyes on Mr. Murdstone since the day when I committed my memorable offence However, as it must be done after two or three faults starts halfway and as many runs back on tiptoe to my own room and presented myself in the parlor He was standing before the fire with his back to it while Ms. Murdstone made the tea He looked at me steadily as I entered but made no sign of recognition whatever I went up to him after a moment of confusion and said, I beg your pardon sir I am very sorry for what I did and I hope you will forgive me I am glad to hear you are sorry, David he replied The hand he gave me was the hand I had bitten I could not restrain my eye from resting for an instant on a red spot upon it but it was not so red as I turned when I met that sinister expression in his face How do you do, ma'am? I said to Ms. Murdstone Ah, dear me sighed Ms. Murdstone giving me the tea caddy scoop instead of her fingers How long are the holidays? How long, ma'am? Counting from when? From today, ma'am Oh, said Ms. Murdstone then here's one day off She kept a calendar of the holidays in this way and every morning checked a day off in exactly the same manner She did it gloomily until she came to ten but when she got into two figures she became more hopeful and as the time advanced even jocular It was on this very first day that I had the misfortune to throw her though she was not subject to such weakness into a state of violent consternation I came into the room where she and my mother were sitting and the baby who was only a few weeks old being on my mother's lap I took it very carefully in my arms Suddenly Ms. Murdstone gave such a scream that I all but dropped it My dear Jane! cried my mother Good heavens, Clara, do you see exclaimed to Ms. Murdstone See what, my dear Jane? said my mother, where? He's good! cried Ms. Murdstone What the baby! She was limp with horror but stiffened herself to make a dart at me and take it out of my arms Then she turned faint and was so very ill that they were obliged to give her cherry brandy I was solemnly interdicted by her on her recovery from touching my brother any more on any pretense whatever and my poor mother, who I could see wished otherwise made me confirm to the interdict by saying, no doubt you are right, my dear Jane On another occasion when we three were together this same dear baby, it was truly dear to me for our mother's sake was the innocent occasion of Ms. Murdstone's going into a passion My mother, who had been looking at its eyes as it lay upon her lap, said Davey, come here! and looked at mine I saw Ms. Murdstone lay her beads down I declare, said my mother, gently they are exactly alike I suppose they are mine I think they are the color of mine but they are wonderfully alike What are you talking about, Clara? said Ms. Murdstone My dear Jane, faltered my mother a little abashed by the harsh tone of this inquiry I find that the baby's eyes and Davey's are exactly alike Clara, said Ms. Murdstone, rising angrily you are a positive fool sometimes My dear Jane remonstrated my mother A positive fool, said Ms. Murdstone who else could compare my brother's baby with your boy they are not at all alike they are exactly unlike they are utterly dissimilar in all respects I hope they will ever remain so I will not sit here and hear such comparisons made With that, she stocked out and made the door bang after her In short, I was not a favorite with Ms. Murdstone In short, I was not a favorite there with anybody, not even with myself for those who did like me could not show it and those who did not showed it so plainly that I had a sensitive consciousness of always appearing constrained, boorish, and dull I felt that I made them as uncomfortable as they made me If I came into the room where they were and they were talking together and my mother seemed cheerful, an anxious cloud would steal over her face from the moment of my entrance If Mr. Murdstone were in his best humor, I checked him If Ms. Murdstone were in her worst I intensified it I had perception enough to know that my mother was the victim always afraid to speak to me or to be kind to me lest she should give them some offense by her manner of doing so and receive a lecture afterwards that she was not only ceaselessly afraid of her own offending but of my offending and uneasily watched their looks if I only moved Therefore, I resolved to keep myself as much out of their way as I could and many a wintry hour did I hear the church clock strike when I was sitting in my cheerless bedroom wrapped in my little great coat In the evening sometimes I went and sat with Peggy in the kitchen. There I was comfortable and not afraid of being myself but neither of these resources was approved of in the parlor The tormenting humor which was dominant there stopped them both I was still held to be necessary by poor mother's training and as one of her trials could not be suffered to absent myself David said Mr. Murdstone one day after dinner when I was going to school, I am sorry to observe that you are of a sullen disposition as sulky as a bear said Miss Murdstone I stood still and hung my head Now David said Mr. Murdstone a sullen obdurate disposition is of all tempers the worst and the boys is of all such dispositions that I ever have seen remarked his sister the most confirmed and stubborn I think my dear Clara even you must observe it I beg your pardon my dear Jane said my mother but are you quite sure I am certain you'll excuse me my dear Jane that you understand David I should be somewhat ashamed of myself Clara returned Miss Murdstone if I could not understand the boy or any boy I don't profess to be profound but I do lay claim to common sense No doubt my dear Jane returned my mother your understanding is very vigorous oh dear no you don't say that Clara interposed Miss Murdstone angrily but I am sure it is resumed my mother and everybody knows it is I profit so much by it myself in many ways at least I ought to that no one can be more convinced of it than myself and therefore I speak with great diffidence my dear Jane I assure you we'll say I don't understand the boy Clara returned Miss Murdstone arranging the little fetters on her wrists we'll agree if you please I don't understand him at all he is much too deep for me but perhaps my brother's penetration may enable him to have some insight into his character and I believe my brother was speaking upon the subject when we not very decently interrupted him I think Clara said Mr. Murdstone in a low grave voice that there may be better and more dispassionate judges of such a question than you Edward replied my mother timidly you are a far better judge of all questions than I pretend to be both you and Jane are I only said you only said something weak and inconsiderate he replied try not to do it again my dear Clara and keep a watch upon yourself my mother's lips moved as if she answered yes my dear Edward but she said nothing aloud I was sorry David I remarked said Mr. Murdstone turning his head and his eyes stiffly towards me to observe the roar of a sullen disposition this is not a character that I can suffer to develop itself beneath my eyes without an effort and improvement you must endeavor sir to change it we must endeavor to change it for you I beg your pardon sir I faltered I have never meant to be sullen since I came back don't take refuge in a lie sir he returned so fiercely that I saw my mother involuntarily put out her trembling hand as if to interpose between us you have withdrawn yourself in your sullenness to your own room you have kept your own room when you ought to have been here you know now once and for all that I require you to be here and not there further that I require you to bring obedience here you know me David I will have it done Miss Murdstone gave a horse chuckle I will have a respectful prompt and ready-bearing towards myself he continued and towards Jane Murdstone and your mother I will not have this room shunned as if it were infected at the pleasure of a child sit down he ordered me like a dog and I obeyed like a dog one thing more he said I observed that you have an attachment to low and common company you are not to associate with servants the kitchen will not improve you in the many respects in which you need improvement of the woman who abets you I say nothing since you Clara addressing my mother in a lower voice from old associations and long established fancies have a weakness respecting her which is not yet overcome her most unaccountable delusion it is cried Miss Murdstone I only say he resumed addressing me that I disapprove of your preferring such company as Mistress Pegady and that it is to be abandoned now David you understand me and you know what will be the consequence if you fail to obey me to the letter I knew well perhaps better than he thought as far as my poor mother was concerned and I obeyed him to the letter I retreated to my own room no more I took refuge with Pegady no more but sat wherely in the parlor day after day looking forward to night and bedtime what irksome's constraint I underwent sitting in the same attitude hours upon hours afraid to move an arm or a leg lest Miss Murdstone should complain as she did on the least pretense restlessness and afraid to move an eye lest she should light on some look of dislike or scrutiny that would find new cause for complaint in mind what intolerable delness to sit listening to the ticking of the clock and watching Miss Murdstone's little shiny seal beads as she strung them and wondering whether she would ever be married and if so to what sort of unhappy man and counting the divisions in the molding of the chimney piece and wandering away with my eyes to the ceiling with the curls and corkscrews in the paper on the wall what walks I took alone down muddy lanes in the bad winter weather carrying that parlor and Mr. and Miss Murdstone in it everywhere a monstrous load that I was obliged to bear a daymare that there was no possibility of breaking in a weight that brooded on my wits and blunted them what meals had I in silence and embarrassment always feeling that there were a knife and fork too many and that mine a plate and chair too many and those mine a somebody too many and that I what evenings when the candles came and I was expected to employ myself but not daring to read an entertaining book poured over some hard headed harder-hearted treatise on arithmetic when the tables of weights and measures set themselves to tunes as rule Britannia or away with melancholy when they wouldn't stand still to be learnt but would go threading others needle through my unfortunate head in at one ear and out at the other what yawns and dozes I lapsed into in spite of all my care what starts I came out of concealed sleeps with what answers I never got to little observations that I rarely made what a blank space I seemed which everybody overlooked and yet was in everybody's way what a heavy relief it was to hear Miss Murdstone hail the first stroke of nine at night and order me to bed thus the holidays lagged away until the morning came when Miss Murdstone said here's the last day off and gave me the closing cup of tea of the vacation I was not sorry to go I had lapsed into a stupid state but I was recovering a little and looking forward to steer forth albeit Mr. Creakle loomed behind him again Mr. Barkas appeared at the gate and again Miss Murdstone in her warning voice said claa when my mother bent over me to bid me farewell I kissed her and my baby brother and was very sorry then but not sorry to go away for the gulf between us was there and the parting was there every day and it is not so much the embrace she gave me that lives in my mind though it was as fervent as could be as what followed the embrace I was in the carrier's cart when I heard her calling to me I looked out and she stood at the garden gate alone holding her baby up in her arms for me to see it was cold still weather and not a hair her head nor a fold of her dress was stirred as she looked intently at me holding up her child so I lost her so I saw her afterwards in my sleep at school a silent presence near my bed looking at me with the same intent face holding up her baby in her arms End of Chapter 8 Recording by Lorelle Anderson Sanford, Florida Chapter 9 of David Copperfield This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Barlico John David Copperfield by Charles Dickens Chapter 9 I have a memorable birthday I pass over all that happened at school until the anniversary of my birthday came round in March except that Steerforth was no more to be admired than ever I remember nothing He was going away at the end of the half-year if not sooner and was more spirited and independent than before in my eyes and therefore more engaging than before but beyond this I remember nothing The great remembrance by which that time is marked in my mind seems to have swallowed up all lesser recollections and to exist alone It is even difficult for me to believe that there was a gap of full two months between my return to Salem House and the arrival of that first birthday I can only understand that the fact was so because I know it must have been so Otherwise, I should feel convinced that there was no interval and that the one occasion trot upon the other's heels How well I recollected the kind of day it was I smelled the fog that hung about the place I see the whore frost ghostly through it I feel my rimmy hair fall clammy on my cheek I look along the dim perspective of the school room with a sputtering candle here and there to light up the foggy morning and the breath of the boys wreathing and smoking in the rock cold as they blow upon their fingers and tap their feet upon the floor It was after breakfast and we had been summoned in from the playground when Mr. Sharp entered and said David Copperfield is to go into the parlor I expected a hamper from Pagati and brightened at the order Some of the boys about me put in their claim not to be forgotten by the distribution of the good things as I got out of my seat with great alacrity Don't hurry David said Mr. Sharp There's time enough my boy, don't hurry I might have been surprised by the feeling tone in which he spoke if I had given it a thought but I gave it none until afterwards I hurried away into the parlor and there I found Mr. Creakles sitting at his breakfast with the cane and a newspaper before him and Mrs. Creakles with an open letter in her hand David Copperfield said Mrs. Creakles leading me to a sofa and sitting down beside me I want to speak to you very particularly I have something to tell you my child Mr. Creakles at whom of course I looked shook his head without looking at me and stop up a sigh with a very large piece of buttered toast You are too young to know how the world changes every day said Mrs. Creakles and how the people in it pass away you still have to learn it David some of us when we are young some of us when we are old some of us at all times of our lives I looked at her earnestly when you came away from home at the end of the vacation said Mrs. Creakles after her pause were they all well after another pause was your mama well I trembled without distinctly knowing why and still looked at her earnestly making no attempt to answer said she I grieve to tell you that I hear this morning your mama is very ill I missed the rose between Mrs. Creakles and me and her figure seemed to move in it for an instant then I felt the burning tears run down my face and it was steady again she is very dangerously ill she added I knew all now she is dead there was no need to tell me so I had already broken out into a desperate cry and felt an orphan in the wide world she was very kind to me she kept me there all day and left me alone sometimes and I cried and wore myself to sleep and awoke and cried again when I could cry no more I began to think and then the oppression on my breast was heaviest and my grief a dull pain that there was no ease for and yet my thoughts were idle not intent on the calamity that weighed upon my heart but idly loitering near it I thought of her house shut up and hushed I thought of the little baby who Mrs. Creakles said had been pining away for some time and who they believed would die too I thought of my father's grave in the churchyard by her house and of my mother lying there beneath the tree I knew so well I stood upon a chair when I was left alone and looked into the glass to see how red my eyes were and how sorrowful my face was I considered after some hours were gone if my tears were really hard to flow now as they seem to be what in connection with my loss it would affect me most to think of when I drew near home for I was going home to the funeral I am sensible of having felt that a dignity attached to me among the rest of the boys and that I was important in my inflection if every child was stricken with sincere grief I was but I remembered that this importance was a kind of satisfaction to me when I walked in the playground that afternoon while the boys were in school when I saw them glancing at me out of the windows as they went up to their classes I felt distinguished and looked more melancholy and walked slower when school was over and they came out and spoke to me I felt it rather good in myself than most of them all as before I was to go home next night not by the mail but by the heavy night coach which was called the farmer and was principally used by country people travelling short intermediate distances upon the road we had no story telling that evening and Trattles insisted on lending me his pillow I don't know what good he thought it would do me for I had one of my own but it was all he had to land poor fellow skeletons and that he gave me at parting as a suitor of my sorrows and a contribution to my peace of mind I left Salem house upon the morrow afternoon I had little thought then that I left it never to return we travelled very slowly at night and did not get into your mouth before 9 or 10 o'clock in the morning I looked out from Mr. Barkis but he was not there and instead of him a fat short winded Mary looking little old man in black with rusty little bunches of ribbons at the knees of his breeches black stockings and a broad brimmed hat came puffing up to the coach window and said, Master Copperfield yes sir will you come with me young sir if you please he said opening the door and I shall have the pleasure of taking you home I put my hand in his wondering who he was and we walked away to a shop in a narrow street on which was written Peter Taylor Haber Dasher it was a close and stifling little shop full of all sorts of clothing made and unmade including one window full of beaver hats and bonnets we went into a little back parlor behind the shop we found three young women at work on a quantity of black materials which were heaped upon the table and little bits and cuttings of which were littered all over the floor there was a good fire in the room and a breathless smell of warm black crepe I did not know what the smell was then but I know now the three young women who appeared to be very industrious and comfortable raised their heads to look at me and then went on with their work stitch stitch stitch at the same time there came from a workshop across a little yard outside the window a regular sound of hammering that kept a kind of tune rat tat tat rat tat tat without any variation well said my conductor to one of the three young women how do you get on mini we shall be ready by the triangle time she replied gaily without looking up don't you be afraid father Mr. Omer took off his broad brimmed hat and sat down and panted he was so fed that he was obliged to pant sometime before he could say that's right father said mini playfully poor poise you do grow well I don't know how it is my dear he replied considering about it I am rather so you are such a comfortable man you see said mini you take things so easy no use taking them otherwise my dear said Mr. Omer no indeed returned his daughter we are all pretty gay here thank heaven ain't we father I hope so my dear said Mr. Omer as I've got my breath now I think I'll measure this young scholar would you walk into the shop master copperfield I proceeded Mr. Omer in compliance with his request and after showing me a roll of cloth which he said was extra super and too good morning for anything short of parents he took my various dimensions and put them down in a book while he was recording them he called my attention to his stock and trade and to certain fashions which he said had just come up and to certain other fashions which he said had just gone out and by that sort of thing we very often lose a little mint of money said Mr. Omer but fashions are like human beings they come in nobody knows when why or how and they go out nobody knows when why or how everything is like life in my opinion if you look at it in that point of view I was too sorrowful to discuss the question which would possibly have been beyond me under any circumstances and Mr. Omer took me back into the parlour breathing with some difficulty on the way he then called down a little breakneck range of steps behind the door bring up that tea and bread and brother which after some time during which I sat looking about me and thinking and listening to the stitching in the room in the tomb that was being hammered across the yard appeared on a tray and turned out to be for me I have been acquainted with you said Mr. Omer after watching me for some minutes during which I have not made much impression on the breakfast for the black things destroyed my appetite I have been acquainted with you a long time my young friend have you sir all your life said Mr. Omer I may say before I knew your father before you he was five foot nine and a half and he lays in five and twenty foot of ground rat tat tat rat tat tat across the yard he lays in five and twenty foot of ground if he lays in a fraction said Mr. Omer pleasantly it was either his request or her direction I forget which do you know how my little brother is sir I inquired Mr. Omer shook his head rat tat tat rat tat tat he is in his mother's arms said he oh poor little fellow is he dead don't mind it more than you can help said Mr. Omer yes the baby is dead my wounds broke out fresh out of this intelligence I left the scarcely tasted breakfast and went and rested my head on another table in a corner of the little room which many hastily cleared lest I should spot the morning that was lying there with my tears she was a pretty good natured girl and put my hair away from my eyes with a soft kind touch but she was very cheerful at having nearly finished her work and being in good time and was so different from me presently the tomb left off and a good looking young fellow came across the yard into the room he had a hammer in his hand and his mouth was full of little nails which he was obliged to take out before he could speak well Geron said Mr. Omer how do you Geron good night said Geron done sir many colored a little and the other two girls smiled at one another what? you were added by candlelight last night when I was at the club then were you said Mr. Omer yes said Geron as you said we could make a little trip of it and go over together if it was done many and me and you I thought you were going to leave me out all together said Mr. Omer as you are so good as to say that resume the young man why I turned with a will you see will you give me your opinion of it I will said Mr. Omer rising my dear and he stopped and turned to me would you like to see your no father many interposed I thought it might be agreeable my dear said Mr. Omer but perhaps you're right I can't say how I knew it was my dear dear mother's coffin that they went to look at I had never heard one making I had never seen one that I know but it came into my mind what the noise was while it was going on and when the young man entered I am sure I knew what he had been doing the work being now finished the two young girls whose names I had not heard brushed the shreds and threads from their dresses and went into the shop to put that to rights and wait for customers many stayed behind to fold up what they had made the two baskets this she did upon her knees humming a lively little tune the while well I had no doubt was her lover came in and stole a kiss from her while she was busy he didn't appear to mind me at all and said her father was gone for the chase and he must make haste and get himself ready then he went out again and then she put her thimble and scissors in her pocket and stuck a needle threaded with black thread neatly in the bosom of her gown and put on her outer clothing smartly her little glass behind the door in which I saw the reflection of her pleased face all this I observed sitting at the table in the corner with my head leaning on my hand and my thoughts running on very different things the chase soon came round to the front of the shop and the baskets being put in first I was put in next and those three followed I remember it as a kind of half chase car half piano fort van painted of a somber color and drawn by a black horse with a long tail there was plenty of room for us all I do not think I have ever experienced a strange of feeling in my life I am wiser now perhaps as that of being with them remembering how they had been employed and seeing them enjoy the ride I was not angry with them I was more afraid of them as if I were cast away among creatures where I had no community of nature they were very cheerful the old man sat on front to drive and the two young people sat behind them and whenever he spoke to them lean forward the one on one side of his chubby face and the other on the other and made a great deal of him they would have talked to me too but I held back and moped in my corner scared by their love making and hilarity though it was far from boisterous and almost wondering that no judgment came upon them for their hardness of heart so when they stopped to bait the horse and ate and drank and enjoyed themselves I could touch nothing that they touched but kept my fast unbroken so when we reached home I dropped out of the chase behind as quickly as possible that I might not be in their company before the solemn windows looking blindly on me like lost eyes once bright and oh how little need I had to think what would move me to tears when I came back seeing the window of my mother's room next to it that which in the better time was mine I was in Pagari's arms before I got to the door and she took me into the house her grief burst out when she first saw me but she controlled it soon and spoke in whispers and walked softly as if the dead could be disturbed she had not been in bed I found for a long time she sat up at night still and watched the girl pretty was above the ground she said she would never desert her Mr. Murdstone took no heed of me when I went into the parlor where he was but sat by the fire side weeping silently and pondering in his elbow chair Miss Murdstone who was busy at her writing desk which was covered with letters and papers gave me her cold fingernails and asked me in an iron whisper if I had been measured for my morning yes and your shirts said Miss Murdstone have you brought them home yes ma'am I have brought home all my clothes this was all the consolation that her firmness administered to me I do not doubt that she had a choice, pleasure in exhibiting what she called her self command and her firmness and her strength of mind and her common sense and the whole diabolical catalogue of her unamiable qualities she was particularly proud of her turn for business and she showed it now in reducing everything to pen and ink and being moved by nothing all the rest of that day and from morning to night afterwards she sat at that desk scratching compositely with a hard pen speaking in the same and perturbable whisper to everyone never relaxing a muscle of her face a softening tone of her voice or appearing with an atom of her dress astray her brother took a book sometimes but never read it that I saw he would open it and look at it as if he were reading but would remain for a whole hour without turning the leaf and then put it down and walk to and throw in the room I used to sit with folded hands watching it and counting his footsteps hour after hour he very seldom spoke to her and never to me he seemed to be the only restless thing except the clocks in the whole motionless house in these days before the funeral I saw but little of pegatti except that in passing up or down stairs I always found her close to the room where my mother and her baby lay and except that she came to me every night and sat by my bed's head while I went to sleep a day or two before the burial I think it was a day or two before but I am conscious of confusion in my mind about that heavy time but nothing to mark its progress she took me into the room I only recollected underneath some white covering on the bed with a beautiful cleanliness and freshness all around it there seemed to me to lie and bury the solemn stillness that was in the house and that when she would have turned the cover gently back I cried oh no oh no and held her hand if the funeral had been yesterday I could not recollect it better the very air of the best parlor when I went in at the door the bright condition of the fire the shining of the wine and the decanters the patterns of the glasses and plates the faint sweet smell of cake the odor of Ms. Murdstone's dress and our black clothes Mr. Chillop is in the room and comes to speak to me and how is Master David he says kindly I cannot tell him very well I give him my hand which he holds in his Dear me Mr. Chillop with something shining in his eye our little friends grow up around us they grow out of our knowledge ma'am this is to Ms. Murdstone who makes no reply there is a great improvement here ma'am says Mr. Chillop Ms. Murdstone merely answers with a frown and a formal bend Mr. Chillop, disconfident goes into a corner keeping me with him and opens his mouth no more I remark this and there happens, not because I care about myself or have done since I came home and now the bell begins to sound and Mr. Omer another come to make us ready as Pegario was want to tell me long ago the followers of my father to the same grave were made ready in the same room there are Mr. Murdstone our neighbor Mr. Graeper Mr. Chillop and I when we go out to the door the stairs and their load are in the garden and they move before us down the path and pass the elms and through the gate and into the church yard where I have so often heard the birds sing on a summer morning we stand around the grave the day seems different to me from every other day and the light not of the same color of a satyr color now there is a solemn hush which we have brought from home sitting in the mold and while we stand bare headed I hear the voice of the clergyman sounding remote in the open air and yet distinct and plain saying I am the resurrection and the life saith the Lord then I hear sobs and standing apart among the lookers on I see that good and faithful servant whom of all the people upon earth I love the best and unto whom my childish heart is certain that the Lord will one day say well done there are many faces that I know among the little crowd faces that I knew in church when mine was always wandering there faces that first saw my mother when she came to the village in her youthful bloom I do not mind them I mind nothing but my grief and yet I see and know them all and even in the background far away see many looking on and her eye glancing on her sweet heart who is near me and we turn to come away before us stands our house so pretty and unchanged so linked in my mind with the young idea of what is done that all my sorrow has been nothing to the sorrow it calls forth but they take me on and Mr. Chillop talks to me and when we get home put some water to my lips and when I ask his leaf to go up to my room dismisses me with the gentleness of a woman all this I say is yesterday's event the events of later date floated from me to the shore where all forgotten things will reappear but this stands like a high rock in the ocean I knew that Pigari would come to me in my room the Sabbath stillness of the time the day was so like Sunday I have forgotten that was suited to us both she sat down by my side upon my little bed and holding my hand moving it to her lips and sometimes smoothing it with hers as she might have comforted my little brother told me in her way all that she had to tell concerning what had happened she was never well said Pigari for a long time she was uncertain in her mind and not happy when her baby was born I thought at first she would get better but she was more delicate and sunk a little every day she used to like to sit alone and she cried but afterwards she used to sing to it so soft that once I thought when I heard her it was like a voice up in the air that was rising away I think she got to be more timid and more frightened like a weight and that a hard word was like a blow to her but she was always the same to me she never changed to her foolish Pigari they're not my sweet girl here Pigari stopped and softly beat upon my hand a little while the last time that I saw her like her own old self was the night when you came home my dear the day you went away she said to me I never shall see my pretty darling again sometimes something tells me so that tells the truth I know she tried to hold up after that and many a time when they told her she was thoughtless and light-hearted made believe to be so but it was all a bygone then she never told her husband what she had told me she was afraid of saying it to anybody else till one night a little more than a week before it happened when she said to him my dear I think I am dying it's off my mind now Pigari she told me when I laid her in her bed that night he will believe it more and more for fellow every day for a few days to come and then it will be passed I am very tired sit by me while I sleep don't leave me God bless both my children God protect and keep my fatherless boy I never left her afterwards said Pigari she often talked to them two downstairs for she loved them she couldn't bear not to love anyone who was about her but when they went away from her bedside she always turned to me as if there was rest where Pagari was and never fell asleep in any other way on the last night she kissed me and said if my baby should die too Pigari please let them lay him in my arms and bury us together it was done for the poor lamb lived but a day beyond her let my dearest boy go with us to our resting place said she and tell him that his mother when she lay here blessed him not once but a thousand times another silence followed this and another gentle beating on my hand it was pretty far in the night said Pigari when she asked me for some drink and when she had taken it gave me such a patient smile the deer so beautiful daybreak had come and the sun was rising when she said to me how kind and considerate Mr. Copperfield had always been to her and how he had born with her and had told her when she doubted of himself that a loving heart was better and stronger than wisdom and that he was a happy man in hers Pigari my dear she said then put me nearer to you for she was very weak lay your good arm underneath my neck she said and turn me to you for your face is going far off and I wanted to be near I put it as she asked and oh Devi the time had come when my first parting words to you were true when she was glad to lay her poor head on her stupid cross old Pigari's arm and sleep thus ended Pigari's narration from the moment of my knowing of the death of my mother the idea of her as she had been of late had vanished from me I remembered her from that instant only as the young mother of my earliest impressions who had been used to wind her bright curls round and round her finger to dance with me at the twilight in the parallel what Pigari had told me now was so far from bringing me back to the later period that it rooted the earlier image in my mind it may be curious but it is true in her death she winged her way back to her calm untroubled youth and cancelled all the rest the mother who lay in the grave was the mother of my infancy the little creature in her arms with myself as I had once been hushed forever on her bosom end of chapter 9