 J-C-L-L-O! The Jell-O program starring Jack Venny with Mary Livingston and Phil Harris in his orchestra. The orchestra opens a program with, I've got a heart full of music from Cowboy from Brooklyn. When your mother sat down to the dinner table back in the early 1900s, she was probably dressed in a stiff starch shirt waist and a skirt with a hundred tux. But, when she brought on the dessert course, more than likely it was the same dessert that you and your family enjoy so much today. Jell-O. For some styles don't change, and Jell-O is still, as it always has been, America's favorite Jell-Oton dessert. That name is a trademark and it tells you what it told your mother that here's one of the most delicious desserts anybody ever tasted. But you must be sure to ask for genuine Jell-O when you buy. For that name is your guarantee that here's the real thing, the one and only Jell-O. If you hear any other Jell-Oton dessert called Jell-O, you'll know that is incorrect, for the name is the property of General Foods. So if you want to enjoy Jell-O's extra-rich fruit flavor, Jell-O's fresh tempting goodness and gay glowing colors, don't accept any substitutes for Jell-O. What's that? Now look Mr. Hornblow, I know you're the producer of the picture, but I'm the star. And after all, I have some rights. All right, I'm stubborn, but I will not do that scene where I'm hanging out of a window upside down by my heels. Imagine me hanging out of a window. I'm supposed to be a lover, not Monday's wash. Now look, Mr. Hornblow. Jack, Jack, we're on the air. The program started. I know, Don. I'll have to call you back later, Mr. Hornblow, but I want this thing ironed out or Mr. Zucker will hear this. Goodbye. Nothing but trouble. Go ahead, Don. Introduce me. Okay. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you that happy-go-lucky fellow, that carefree comedian, that bubbly person. All right, all right. That's enough. Jell-O again. This is Jack Benny talking. I tell you, Don, it's enough to drive a man crazy. Well, what's the matter this time? The same old thing. Every time I make a picture, Paramount wants me to kill myself. Well, why don't you do something about it? Do something about it? I've been walking around the studio all week with a sign on my back saying, fragile. But they still won't change the story. Say, Jack, is that the same picture you were rehearsing last week with Rochester? You know, where he was reading Joan Bennett's part? Yes, Phil, but I had to give up reading lines with Rochester. Why? Well, we were commencing to sound like Amos and Andy. Anyway, fellas, I don't like the whole setup. I have to go through all sorts of... Hello, Jack. Hello, Mary. I have to go through all sorts of physical contortion. I have to jump over walls, fall down flights of steps, and, worst of all, hang by my heels out of a window. Chief Wiz, Jack, you ought to have a double for those scenes. You know, a stuntman to take your place. That's what I told Paramount, but they claim it's too dangerous. I rehearsed that scene yesterday with Joan Bennett. You were there, Mary. I'll say. Now, get this, Don, for a silly idea. Joan Bennett is passing by on the street, and I want to propose to her. So Paramount has me hanging out of a window upside down to do it. Fine picture. But you know, Jack, you look much taller when you're hanging by your heels out of a window. Well, no wonder my knees fly out of joint. Well, anyway, Don, I rehearsed that scene four hours yesterday, and believe me, I was all in. Tell him what happened, Jack. Oh, it wasn't that important. What was it, Mary? Well, Jack was hanging by his heels upside down talking to Joan Bennett. Well, sure I was. That's what I was supposed to be. Was your toupee supposed to fall off, too? Well, that was just an accident. No kidding, Mary. Did that really happen? Yes. Jack's toupee fell off and landed right on Joan Bennett's head. It did? Yeah. She thought it was a spider and fainted. And not only that, the guy that was holding my feet went out for lunch in the middle of the scene. I fell right on my head. On your head? Did you hurt yourself? No, Don. I've always had a short neck. Did I hurt myself? And Mitch licensed the director. He was a big help. He just stood there laughing at me. Oh, Mitch licensed. Say, he's a swell director, isn't he, Jack? Yes, but he's so temperamental. See, I made one little mistake at rehearsal the other day and he bit me. I tell you, fellas, someday I'm going to make a real picture and handle the whole thing myself. I'll be the star, the writer, the director and the producer. You'll be the audience, too. I don't know about that. My picture will do business if only my relatives go to see it. You ain't kidding. Well, anyway, I'm not going to worry about it anymore. They'll have to rewrite the story or else. Answer the phone, Mary. Okay. Hello? Who? Yes, he's right here. It's for you, Jack. It's Mr. Zipper of Paramount. That's Mr. Zooker. See, I wonder what... Hello? Hello, Mr. Zooker. Yes? Yeah, but look, Mr. Zooker, all I said was, I will not play that scene. Absolutely not. But I do want to make pictures. Gee, I even went on a diet. You don't shut up. You'll stay on it. Quiet. Now, look, Mr. Zooker, I'm the star of this picture and I certainly have a right to discuss it. Why, even Washington didn't cross the Delaware without talking it over with someone. I said Washington. I know he isn't in the picture. Now, Mr. Zooker, I'm the star and if I'm going to fall out of a window on my head, I've got to get more money or a helmet. I'd like to get bold. How about my having lunch with you tomorrow and we'll talk about it? All right, after lunch? Okay, goodbye. If I have to go through to make a picture, I wish Boardwell would come back, play, Phil. The way I'm treated, no rights, no respect, no nothing. Being jungle love from the picture of the same name. And, Phil, that was very realistic. I don't know, I could just smell the jungle. You could? Yes, I could smell the music, too. I didn't mind the music, but how can you smell a jungle? The monkeys are wearing Christmas nights. That's about the corniest routine we've done in a long time. Yeah, to top it off, here comes Kenny. No, I'm cooked. Hello, Kenny. Hello, Jack. How am I doing? How are you doing? You just got here. But you're looking good, Kenny. You got a sunburn and everything. Where have you been? Oh, I've been to Lake Arrowhead for decoration day. I just got back. Oh, oh. I took my girl and her mother. See, I had a squall time. You had a lot of fun, eh? Yeah, her mother lost her glasses. I get it. Did she find them yet? I don't think so. I dropped them in the lake. Why, you little devils. Say, Kenny, did you do any fishing while you were up there? Yeah. And a funny thing, Jack. Everybody around me was catching trout and bass, but all I got was a barracuda. Kenny, a barracuda is a salt water fish. What was he doing in Lake Arrowhead? I only catch them. I don't explain them. Some fisherman. You couldn't catch a herring in a delicatessen if you used Slepperman for bait. Oh, I could, too. Say, Jack, did you go anyplace over the holiday? No, I had to stay here and worry about my picture. I wish I had it easy like you, fellas. Nothing to think about, but have a good time. Well, if you'd relax a little more, you'd be better off. Every time you make a picture, you try to run the whole work. Well, Mary, I have to protect myself. After all, I'm the star. Star, star. That's all I've heard. Well? You're no more star than a $3 sapphire. That's so. Well, let me ask you something. When my picture comes out, what do you see on the marquee in front of the theater? Jack Benny and free dishes. Well, if you can see me and pick up a soup terrine for the same price, I suppose that's bad. Anyway, Don laughed at that. Anyway, I'm the star. So let's forget artisan models and get on with Tom Sawyer. And now, ladies and gentlemen, if you will overlook our silly arguments, we will present the third and final episode in the adventures of Tom Sawyer. Now, as you may remember, our play last week ended with... Oh, darn it. See who that is, Mary. Okay. Hello? Who? Yes, he's here. Who is it this time? It's Mr. Winkler. He says he's Joan Bennet's manager. Oh, I wonder what he wants. Hello? Yes, this is Jack Benny. What? Well, yes, Mr. Winkler, but I didn't mean that I was the only star in the picture. I know Ms. Bennet is, too. What? Now, wait a minute. You've got the wrong slant on this, and I'm not a termite. I don't care how I photograph. But, but, Mr. Winkler, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but... Shut up, Jack. You sound like a motorboat. Well, all right. I apologize. Goodbye. It's time to call me up and argue about billing. And now, folks, getting back to our dramatic offering, I will be the star of Tom Sawyer. There'll be no arguments about that. And Phil Harris will be... Well, say, Jack, I don't mean to keep harping on your picture, but are you really going to make them change the story? Yes, I am, Don. Why? Well, I was just wondering, uh, isn't there some place in the script where you can talk about Jello? Well, I don't know, Don. I would if I could find a proper place for it if you... Well, uh, I just thought that while you're proposing to Joan Bennet, you could say something like this. I love you, Joan, because you're beautiful. And I love Jello because it has six delicious flavors. Well, Don, I could, but that doesn't seem to be quite the right spot for it. Well, then, uh, Jack, take that scene where you're hanging out of the window upside down. What about it? Well, couldn't you just have a couple of boxes of Jello fall out of your pocket? Look, Don, that scene is not going to be in the picture. That's what I've been fighting about. I'm not going to hang out of a window. Is that what they want you to do, Jack? Yes, and I'm not a chimpanzee. That I know. Does Paramount know? Apparently not. I've got bars in my dressing room. Anyway, I'm not going to do it. But Jack, I'd be a little careful if I were you. You're not so big that you can go around telling Paramount what to do. I'm not telling you what to do, Bill, but I'll be darned if I'll play a love scene upside down. The blood will rush to my head and I'll forget my lines. If you haven't got any more lines than you have blood, don't worry. Anyway, that scene is out, so for heaven's sake, let's get back to our own play. Now, Mary, you'll be Becky Thatcher again. And Phil, for the third consecutive week, you'll be my half-brother Sid, a big sissy. Gee, I wish that part would last one more week. Why? I'm making a doily and it's nearly finished. You'll have to finish it on your own time. Now, let's see. The part of Aunt Polly will be Oh Heaven's to Betsy. Is that the phone again? Hello? Yes? Oh, Jack, it's Mitch Lison, your director. Well, I might as well talk to him, too. Hello, Mitch. Yes? Yes, and I mean exactly what I said. I'm not going to hang out of a window by my heels to play a love scene. I fell on my head once already, didn't I? Stop laughing! What? I don't care if I do get the Academy Award. I still want a round head. All right, tell Mr. Hornblow, see if I care. Goodbye. Well, if this isn't getting to be a joke or something, I tell you, I'm going nuts. Oh, Jack, let's do our play, Tom Sawyer, and forget all about it. All right, but I'm in a fine mess. I've aged 10 years tonight and I'm supposed to play a nine-year-old kid. Oh, I'll sing your song, Kenny. Maybe that'll soothe me a bit and quiet my nerves. Okay, Jack. What's it gonna be? I'm going to sing Let's Sail to Dreamland, now dedicated to the United States Navy. I'd like to hit him with the SS Pennsylvania. I'm sung by Kenny Baker, and now for our play, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. As you may remember, in our last episode, Mrs. Newton, the school principal, had promised the children a picnic at the Old Indian Cave. And this is the big day. The scene is the home of Aunt Polly, where we find her getting Tom and Sidney ready for the picnic. Curtain may use it. Come on now, children. Hurry up. It's time for you to leave. I'm ready, Aunt Polly. I'm ready, Aunt Polly. You big gumdrop. You stop calling me names, Tom Sawyer. I'll scratch you. Children behave. Thomas, did you brush your hair like I told you to? Yes, ma'am, I did. Well, then put it on and get going. Little boys, when you get to the picnic, is your basket all packed, Sidney? Yes, Aunt Polly. I got my sandwiches, my milk, and a book to read. It's so thrilling. A book? What's the name of it? The Campfire Girls at the Cotton Club. That sounds mighty interesting. Thomas, is your basket packed? Yeah, I got my peanut butter sandwiches, my jelly roll, my lady fingers, and a can of beer. Let's see that. Why, you bad boy, you forgot your can opener. I don't need one. I got a buck, too. Comes in handy, too. All right, now. Now run along, both of you, and remember, be good little boys. Hello? Who? Yes, he's here. It's for you, Tom, and Mr. Hornblow. Hornblow? Give me that phone, Aunt Polly. Hello, Mr. Hornblow. What? Now, wait a minute. I don't care what Mr. License says. I'm not going to hang out of a window by my heel. Have you been in, Mr. Thomas? Quiet, Aunt Polly. Now go ahead and tell Mr. Zucker. I don't care. Hurry, Thomas, or you'll be late. Now look, Mr. Hornblow, I haven't time to argue with you. Now I'm going to a picnic. Goodbye. They think they can bulldoze me into making that picture. They've got another thing coming. Now hurry, children. It's getting late. Okay, goodbye. Goodbye, Aunt Polly. Goodbye, Aunt Polly. Goodbye, Aunt Polly. You're as bad as Hornblow. This is a fine play. Our audience won't be able to follow without a Ouija board. Quiet. So, Tom and Sidney go on their way, and a little while later, we find them at the picnic grounds by the old Indian cave. The picnic is in full swing. Slugging each other. Are we having good night? I'm having a lovely time, Mrs. Newton. Gee, this food is good. Hey, look at Putinhead Wilson. He's got a 10-decker sandwich. Hey, Sidney. Hey, Sidney. What? I'll trade you a big piece of custard pie for your ham sandwich. Okay, here's your sandwich. Thanks. And here's your custard pie. I told you I'd get you. Hey, Tommy, there's Becky. That's your sweetheart over there under the oak tree. Oh, yeah. Hello, Becky. Hello. Hey, Becky. Now, it's everybody. That isn't true, is it, Becky? You don't go out with other boys, do you? No, Tommy. Hey, Becky, can I hold your hand? Yes, Tommy. Can I put my arm around you? Uh-huh. Can I hold you tight and hug you? Yes. Can I have some of your potato salad? What a clock. Oh, I get it. You want me to kiss you. Gee, even I knew that. Here you are, Becky. Wow, how was that? I should have given you the potato salad. You kissed me anyway, huh? Tommy loves Becky. You ought to see them, Becky. You better go down and save her. And Jello has six flavors. Say, Becky, I got a swell idea. Let you and I go over in the big cave. No, I'd be scared. They say the place is full of goblins and ghosts and all kinds of creepy spooks. Ah, who's afraid? Come on, let's go. Hey, where are you going? We're going in the cave. You want to come along, skinny? Sure. You won't be afraid, will you? Who, me? Uh-huh. Yeah. Oh, it's nothing. Come on, both of you. She whiz. Becky, we ain't even in the cave yet. What are you shaking for now? My nerves are having a preview. Well, come on, let's go. And so Tom, Becky and Skinny steal away and enter the old Indian cave. For hours, they wandered deeper and deeper into its mysterious caverns. And now we've picked them up. They're trying to find their way out. But they are lost. This is awful. Hang on to me, Becky, so we won't stumble over this ledge. All right, Tommy, but be careful. Yeah. Oh, boy, this is spooky. And it's getting darker, too. I'm scared. Now let's stick close together so we don't get separated, huh? Wait. Wait, what's that? Don't be scared, Becky. It's just bats. Gosh, there are a lot of them. Yeah, get away from here, you old bat. Watch your language, young man. See, they talk, too. Listen, there's somebody coming towards you. Where? Oh, yeah. Maybe he can tell us how to get out of here. I'll find out who he is. Hey, mister, are you a caveman? No, I'm an Eskimo. An Eskimo? What's an Eskimo doing in a cave in Missouri? Oh, is that barracuda doing in Lake Arrowhead? I don't know. Say, mister, how do you- Gee, go on. Go on, say, we got to get out of here. What do we do, Tommy? Let's crawl on our hands and knees through the tunnel. It may lead somewhere. Come on, follow me. Gee, that's scary. What's that noise? Just my bubblegum. Now don't chew so loud. Look, Tommy, we're coming in a great big cavern. Yeah, gee, look at the size of this place. Oh, boy. Hey, there's a necko in here. Listen. Hello, there. Hello. Gee, there's a necko all right. Gee, there's a necko all right. Can you hear me? Yes, can you hear me? A fine necko. A fine price, you're paying me. Echo is bad. Eskimo, we got to get out of here. Hey, Tommy, look, look down there. Where? Right underneath this ledge. There's a lake hole with daylight coming through. Gee, that means we can get out. Yeah, but how are we going to get down there? That's easy. Skinny. That's easy. Skinny, you hold on to my ankles and I'll hang down by my feet over the ledge and let Becky down first. Come on, Skinny, grab my ankles. Okay, Tommy, I got them. Now come on, Becky, give me your hand. Gosh, I'm afraid. Oh, don't be scared. I can hold you. All right. Now hold my ankles tight, Skinny, while I bend over the ledge. Now here we go down over the ledge. Hmm, how did that door get in this cave? Come in. Telegram for Jack Benny. That's fine. In the middle of a play. Reach up and take it, Mary. Okay. This burns me up. Oh, Jack, this telegram's from Paramount. What is it? Paramount? What does it say? It says that you can hang by your heels on your program. You can do it in your picture. Oh, there's no use. We might as well give this up. No, this is fine. Shut up. Play it. Here's a swell idea for tomorrow night's dessert. Homemade ice cream. Rich, smooth, creamy ice cream. The kind that will make a special occasion out of an everyday meal. And here's the way to have it. Make your ice cream with jello freezing mix for the best tasting ice cream you ever dipped a spoon in. One of the flavors you want to try first is that swell maple walnut. It's made with the flavor of real old-fashioned maple syrup. The kind you get way up in New England when spring is on the way. And it's chuck full of walnut meat. Just lots of them. Crunchy and inviting. The family will love it. And you love the ease and speed and economy of jello freezing mix. Just open the can, add milk and some whipped cream and pour right into the freezing tray. You get six servings of rich, creamy ice cream with that old-fashioned homemade goodness. Jello freezing mix comes in six luscious flavors in all. Maple walnut, chocolate, real vanilla, and the delicious fruit flavors that are real fruits in their own sweetened juice. Strawberry, 2D fruity, and orange pineapple. You'll find the jello freezing mix is the perfect answer to hot weather desserts. So ask your grocer tomorrow for jello freezing mix. This is the last number of the 36th program in the new jello series, and we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. Am I going to be Becky Fatcher again next week? No, Mary. We're all through with Tom Sawyer. Is that right, Jack? Yes, Phil. Then take this. Good night, folks. Kenny Baker appears on the jello program through courtesy of Mervyn Leroy Productions. This is the night for broadcasting coverage.