 So, if you want a man to chase you and pursue you and invest in you, today we're going to be talking about a concept called leaning back. And this concept of leaning back is going to help and make sure that you're not smothering a man or destroying his love and attraction for you. It's going to help you raise your value in his eyes because he ends up putting in more effort to have you and you become more scarce. It also works as a test and we'll talk a little bit about how that works, but to see where a man stands with you at the moment. And it also works both in dating and in relationships, so it's applicable to almost everybody. And it can put you in a position of power so that you actually get what you want in your relationship and don't end up getting taken advantage of or feeling like you want to just give up on dating altogether. So my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. If you're really serious about getting into a great relationship, make sure you go check out my program called The Forever Woman and it's at theforeverwomanformula.com. It helps you create a situation where you attract a man that loves you and sees you and cherishes you. Okay. So leaning back, there's a lot of kind of misconceptions out there. There's a lot of stuff going on out there. A lot of people don't know what it is, but women in our community are absolutely raving about it. So what is leaning back? So it's kind of a metaphor and what you want to do is you want to think about the metaphor of leaning back versus leaning forward. Leaning forward is like doing, being really interested, doing a lot of work, like putting a lot of effort in and doing everything and leaning back is kind of allowing things to happen, receiving things, not doing all the work, chilling out, relaxing. And there's another metaphor that I think can be kind of used for this and it's the metaphor of rowing a boat. So think of yourself in a boat and who's rowing. If you're leaning forward, you're the one that's kind of rowing the boat and making everything happen and he's hanging out, just hanging out, chilling and you're doing all the work. And that's opposed to maybe you're both doing work rowing the boat or he's rowing the boat and you're hanging out, chilling and just looking beautiful. And so leaning back is you chilling out and relaxing and doing less work and not destroying and smothering him and the relationship and what's going on with him. And so there's a misconception out there that I want to talk about in terms of leaning back and that is that leaning back is feminine and leaning forward is masculine. That's a myth, right? It's, leaning back can be feminine, it can be a symptom of being feminine, but just because you're leaning back doesn't mean that you're in your feminine. If you're in your feminine, you're probably leaning back, right? But it doesn't mean that you are and that you're in your feminine. Those two things aren't the same, right? It can be that, but it's not necessarily that. It can be a result of being in your feminine energy. But it could also be a result of being really high status or high value. Think about somebody that has a lot of wealth and power and they have people come and do things for them. And that's, they're accustomed to that kind of lifestyle where they're hanging out and leaning back and people are coming in and doing things for them. That doesn't mean that they're in their feminine energy because a high profile CEO could be doing this who is very masculine and it's, he's not necessarily in his feminine energy or he or she is not necessarily in their feminine energy. It could also be a result of lack of interest. So a lot of times they'll be like, oh, well he's leaning back and it's like, well, why is he leaning back? Is it because he's not really that interested in you or the situation or the relationship? And so he's not putting effort in, but you're showing up and you're going, hey, it doesn't matter if you put any effort in because I'm going to do everything for you. And so you're in there and you're just doing everything and you're taking care of everything and you're planning all the dates and you're taking care of everything. And he's just like, well, I guess if she's going to do it all, I mean, I'm not really that interested, but if she's going to be doing everything, I guess I'll just hang out and let this happen. And before you like get angry at men for doing that, women do that as well. So don't don't get all too hung up on men doing it. It could also be a result of low priorities, not necessarily him saying, I'm not interested, but him saying, I'm interested, but there's something over here that's far more important to me. And so you end up leaning forward and doing all this stuff and he's leaning back because he simply has something that he's a lot more interested in. So if you're with us right now, make sure that you say hi in the chat and let us know where it is in the world you're coming from. It's cool to see women from all over the world in our chat and watching these live streams. So thank you for being here. Okay, so let's talk a little bit about mistakes when leaning back. The first mistake that a lot of women make when leaning back is completely ignoring a man. There's nowhere in anything that I teach anywhere on the internet where I say that you should ignore a man, you should not ignore a man. Don't ignore a man, that is a bad idea. I don't say to do that, it'll probably backfire in your face. Leaning back does not mean that you should ignore him. It also doesn't mean that you should go no contact on a guy. So no contact is kind of a situation, a tactic, that a strategy that people use and it's typically put into place during like an ex back kind of sequence where somebody is wanting to get their ex back and somebody broke up with them and they're like, okay, well, I'm gonna go no contact instead of trying to like contact them and figure out what's going on and try to make them do something. So it's not about going no contact. You could stop contacting him, but it's not go no contact. So the next one that it's not, another mistake is it's not ghosting him. So not letting him know what's going on, not communicating with him, not talking to him, not having a conversation with him about what's going on with you. It's not that, okay? The next one that it's not is it's not never initiating texts or phone calls or reaching out to him. So there's this kind of conversation that we've been having in our community lately about this idea of not or never initiating text messages and phone calls or reaching out. And leaning back doesn't necessarily mean that. It could mean that depending on your situation, but it doesn't definitively mean that you should never contact, you should never initiate, you should never reach out. It does not mean that. So the next one, and we're gonna be talking a little bit more about this a little bit later. So the next one that it isn't is it's not waiting for days for him to respond. I don't know where people are getting this one from, but sometimes I'll talk to women and they're like, oh, yeah, I waited, well, he didn't return my text message. I'm like, well, when was his last one? Oh, four days ago, and I just responded today. And you're like, okay, well, he probably thinks you don't care. And so it's not doing that, right? It's not just waiting for days to respond to him. I don't suggest doing that anywhere in anything that I talk about. Another thing that it's not is it's not making him do all the work while you don't do anything. That is kind of an extreme, right? Like that's taking, leaning back all the way over to the extreme where you're like, hey, I'm not doing anything and he's gonna do everything. Relationships, the best relationships are relationships where both people are invested. And so you should be investing in most guys that are really high value and have a lot of things going on and really value themselves, aren't gonna put up with that anyway. So you'll just end up losing a whole bunch of guys who you think you're not interested or think you're playing games with them. The next one is it's not, it's so getting so caught up that you're supposed to lean back, that you don't end up calibrating yourself to whatever situation is going on or which might call for you to do something else, right? So let's say that you have kind of this rule or this thing that you think is leaning back and you're like, okay, well, I'm not supposed to contact him for another three hours. He just sent me a text message though and he said his mom's in the hospital but I can't send him a text message back. It's like, one of the things that you should be learning how to do is calibrate yourself, like adapt yourself to whatever kind of social situation is going on and starting to learn and have common sense when it comes to social situations so that you can actually calibrate and figure out what's going on instead of just trying to follow some kind of arbitrary rule about what you're supposed to do in whatever given situation. So it's not doing that. The next mistake is being so busy and unavailable that no man can actually attain you. So that's not, you don't wanna do that either. Sometimes I'll talk to women. They're like, oh, well, I did this and I'm leaning back and I got a life and he's not contacting me anymore. And I'm like, oh, well, what's going on with your situation? Turns out that she's busy all the time and she has no time to even hang out with this guy. And it's all like, okay, well, I guess he doesn't have any, you don't have any space for him to actually be there for you in the relationship. And so the last one is just taking, kind of wrapping it all up, which is going to an extreme. So a lot of this stuff is about going to extremes. A lot of women take it to extremes too far into one direction or the other where they're smothering a guy or they're completely never initiating contact or contacting a guy at all. And you don't wanna be on the extremes. You want to learn and adapt and calibrate yourself to whatever situation is going on so that you're not just completely unaware of what's going on and something gets screwed up and you don't know because you're just following some kind of rule that you have and you've taken it too far to an extreme. You don't wanna be in that situation. So again, if you're really serious about getting into a great relationship where you're loved and seen and valued, make sure that you go to theforeverwomanformula.com. That is my whole system, you can get it there for free. So go check it out, theforeverwomanformula.com. Okay, so let's talk a little bit about what leaning back actually is. Like how do you lean back? The first concept that I wanna talk about is kind of creating a space for him to come into. So what I want you to think of is like having a house, right? And you're in this house and this is your house and creating room for him to be there. So opening up some space, imagine it's cluttered and you're like, okay, I'm gonna create some space and put things away and have some space in my closet for his clothes and I'm gonna have a place for him to sit and eat dinner and a space for him to hang out and a space, places for him to actually be there as opposed to trying to force him to come into the house. What you're doing is you're inviting him in, you're going, hey, look at this awesome house. You wanna come in and hang out and party and have a good time? Cause that's what we're doing here is we're having a good time. And he's like, yeah, this house looks awesome. I totally wanna come in. And so he comes in and he's like, man, this house is great. I wanna be here and I wanna be a part of it forever, right? And so you're creating a space for him to come into your life for him to come and do these things with you for him to take on the masculine reigns in the relationship. If that's the kind of thing that you wanna have is a masculine, feminine dynamic in your relationship which is what most of the women who come to us are looking for. And so if you understand, if you're in the chat right now and you get what I'm talking about, say, I get it. If you don't get what I'm talking about, just ask me whatever questions you have about this stuff. That way at the end I can answer whatever questions you have about your situation or what we're talking about here. So mainly leaning back is actually stopping doing a whole bunch of things. So let's talk about not doing things that you're doing to try and make things work with him because we have this dynamic. I talk about it a lot. It's the power versus force dynamic. And you want to be coming from a place of power not from a place of trying to force him in, right? Like what I was talking about where you're grabbing him and trying to pull him into the house, right? You're not trying to do that. You wanna come from a place of power and be like, man, this place is awesome. If you don't wanna be in here, I don't care because there's plenty of guys that wanna come into my house. But if you do wanna come in, that's awesome because I'd love you to be here because I think you're awesome. And so here are the things that you wanna stop doing. You wanna stop over communicating, stop over texting, stop over calling, stop chasing, stop pursuing, stop trying to make things happen. Yeah, you know, it's interesting. I've heard some people talk about other people's dating advice out there. My suggestion is that you find somebody that you resonate with. And if that's me and that's us, then that's great. If not, if it's somebody else and somebody else's stuff works for you, that's great as well. However, there's a bunch of people out there talking about chasing and pursuing a guy. I don't see how that could ever work. I don't think it does for the most part unless you're chasing a feminine guy. But you wanna stop chasing, stop pursuing, stop trying to make things happen with him. Just stop doing all that. Stop planning things. Stop getting him to do stuff. Stop doing stuff for him. Stop worrying about whether he's doing things the right way or how you do things or how you wouldn't do things or any of that kind of stuff. Just stop all that. Stop buying him things. Stop asking him if he still loves you. Stop baiting him into saying sweet things to you. Stop double texting him, which if you don't know what double texting is, it's texting him and it's not like texting him multiple times, it's texting him and it being his turn to text you back, but then you don't wait and instead you text him again, right? That's what double texting is. So stop double texting. Stop telling him you'll give him space and then contacting him right afterwards anyway. We have a bunch of women that have done that in our community. Stop going on his social media channels and his accounts and liking his posts and figuring out what he's doing and is he online and why is he online, but he's not talking to me and what's going on with him and did he message this other woman and he posted this on that person's comment and it's just like, just stop it. Just stop, stop all of that if you have to shut down your social media accounts or get one of those focus me things where you block all the stuff on your phone and on your computer so that you're not going to his social media accounts and obsessing and freaking out about what he's doing on his social media. You wanna stop doing all that kind of stuff. You want to just stop it, just stop it really. It's what you wanna do. Stop doing all the things that don't work. Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it. Okay, so when you do this, right? And we talked about the test earlier in this video. You'll get a good look at what's going on and what's happening with him, right? It could take a couple of days if he's used to you pursuing and chasing and doing everything. It might take him a couple of days to figure out what's going on. However, what you wanna do is you wanna communicate with him and just let him know that you've got some other things that are going on and that he should message you when he's free or whatever and kind of throw the ball in his court and you wanna give him the ball and see what he ends up doing with it. Cause if you've been doing everything, he might be getting used to that and so you want to kind of switch things over a little bit and give him the ball and see what he ends up doing with it and seeing where his interest actually lies. And what you wanna do is you wanna start shifting your focus cause if you just stop doing it and you don't replace what you've been doing with doing something else, you'll probably just end up losing your mind. And so what you wanna do is you wanna shift your focus from taking care of him to taking care of you. So you wanna start taking care of yourself. Start focusing on yourself. So start prioritizing yourself. Start prioritizing your health, your emotions and your mental well-being, your whole well-being, like what's going on with you. How can you start taking care of yourself in a better way? You wanna start doing things that you enjoy, that make you happy, that fulfill you, that make your life amazing, that give you joy, that just make you, make you feel really good about yourself and happy. Find a hobby, find volunteer activities to get involved in or something that makes you feel alive. So let him know, so like I said, you wanna communicate with him about what's going on and just let him know what you're gonna be, that you're gonna be getting involved in these things. That way he doesn't think you're cheating on him, you're not interested anymore, any of that kind of stuff. You wanna let him know you're still interested and you still like him, but you've just developed this new hobby that you've been getting into, which is underwater basket weaving. And underwater basket weaving is now so important to you that you're gonna be spending a lot of time doing underwater basket weaving. And so you still wanna talk to him, but you're gonna be pretty busy and so he should reach out to you when he's free with things and you guys can end up getting together. So if you're, like I said, if you're not exclusive with him yet, you should probably start dating other men. That's, if you haven't had that exclusivity talk, you should be dating other men until you have that exclusivity talk. And I talked to a lot of women that are like, oh, I don't wanna do that. Well, you can either have the exclusivity talk with him or you should start dating other people, okay? Because if you haven't had it, you can just assume that he is not being exclusive with you. And so you either wanna figure that out and have that conversation or you want to start dating other people so that you end up having options and start coming from a place of abundance and aren't so caught up on what he's doing. And that includes if you're in a friend with benefits situation and you guys aren't exclusive. So next is get your connection that you need from other sources. So this is the idea, the principle of abundance that I talk about in the Forever Woman program, theforeverwomanformula.com. If you want it, theforeverwomanformula.com. Go check it out. It's a free program. It's my whole system. It's really awesome stuff. You should go check it out. So what you wanna do is get abundance, right? And get abundance of connection. Get abundance, not necessarily of other men if you're exclusive. If you are, then you can get abundance from other things. Start receiving from other sources. Start receiving your connection from other places like animals, like nature, like friends, like family, like social activities that you go out and get involved in. You can go join meetup groups or whatever you have to do to start creating more abundance of connection in your life so that all, cause if all your connections on him and all of a sudden that's gone, you're gonna feel this massive kind of lack. And so you want to build it up in other areas. You can end up going out and buying yourself a gift and treat yourself instead of going out and treating him and buying him gifts. Go out and buy your own self gifts and treat your own self. Treat your own self, that's what you should do. Treat your own self. So figure out what's going on with you that makes you want to lean forward and heal and work on that part of yourself. So why are you leaning forward? Why do you need this idea of leaning back? And what you should start doing is figuring that out. Like what's going on with me that I'm constantly doing everything, that I'm doing all the work, that I'm leaning forward, that I'm smothering him, that I'm constantly needing to connect with him. And how do I heal or shift that so that I can not need everything to come from him? And so you're creating a life outside of him and then start doing some research on yourself. Like what's my attachment style? Do I have an attachment style that makes it so that I feel like I need to do this and how do I heal that? It could be from pain in your past where you feel like you're not worthy of being with a guy and so you feel like you have to do everything to try to prove yourself to him that you're worthy of having him in your life. It could be that from being stuck in your masculine energy, possibly from either spending a lot of time in your masculine energy or maybe you have a job or a career where you're constantly in your masculine energy and so you're switching over and hanging out with him but you're still stuck in your masculine energy. So what's going on with you that you're doing this? And so what you need to do is think about it, spend some time, focus on it, figure out what's going on and shift it, heal it, work on it, fix it, whatever you need to do with it, just let go of it, relax with it, embrace it, whatever it is that you need to do, connect with that and figure that out. Again, if you guys are getting what I'm talking about here, say I get it, say I get it. If you don't get what I'm talking about, ask questions about it like what are you going through? What's going on in your mind? What problems are you having? What challenges are you running into? So let's go over some rules. I'm not a big fan of rules, but I know lots of people are fans of rules, so let's talk about some rules around this. So rule number one is that you don't text him if he's not texting you back. And so you can think of this as like a tennis match where you're hitting the tennis ball over the net and he's hitting the tennis ball back and where you could think of it as ping pong, you can think of it as volleyball. I don't care what the metaphor is, just think of the metaphor of hitting something over and that person hitting something back. If you're just hitting it over and that person's not hitting it back, you're just hitting balls at a person is what you're doing. And so you need that person to be putting effort back in. And so you guys are hitting back and forth, hitting back and forth. And so if he's not putting energy and effort into it, then you shouldn't be putting energy and effort back. And so this is really like what we were talking about before with the whole initiating texting, double texting, right? Are you double texting? Again, we already talked about what double texting is. You text him and you're supposed to wait for him but instead you text him again, right? So is he putting in effort? And so back to the whole idea of initiating texts. So what is the deal around initiating texts? Let's talk about this for just a minute. So that you really get a grip on what is going on. So the first question that you need to ask yourself is do I have an agenda? Do I have an agenda? Am I trying to get him to do something? Am I trying to make him or force him or get him to do something with this text message? So if you're coming from a place where you're trying to get him to do something, then you're coming from the wrong space. And so you shouldn't be initiating a text message if your idea is okay, I gotta get him to do something. I'm gonna try to get him to start being masculine or taking charge or doing all this stuff and how do I send him a message from my feminine energy but make him do something? That is the wrong energy. And if you're coming from that space, you shouldn't be initiating a text with him. Next question is do you feel good, confident and at peace with yourself? So if you're feeling good and confident at peace, that's a good sign. And has he been consistently moving towards you? Is his energy moving towards you? Has he been reaching back out to you? Has he been messaging you? Has he been setting up dates with you? Has he been coming out to see you and picking you up and moving things forward and doing lots of, putting a lot of energy and effort into this? Is he doing that? If he is doing that, then it's okay to initiate a text message with him. It's not a problem because you can do a lot of things. If he's moving forward and he's in his masculine and he's doing all this stuff, you can do all kinds of things. You can set up a date. You can initiate a text message and it doesn't matter because he already has forward momentum that's going and so you doing one thing here or one thing there isn't a big deal. And so that's what I'm talking about with hitting it back and forth, right? He is putting in effort. He's hitting the ball back over every single time and so it's not a big deal if you hit the ball over to him or you serve to him or whatever kind of analogy you wanna have for it. The next question that you wanna have is, has it been a long time? Say several days, a week, two weeks since you've talked, especially in the early stages of dating, this has been a huge one because what ends up happening for a lot of guys is if a guy is in a conversation with a woman over text message or maybe they went on a date or something and he ends up getting kind of lost in his life and he's doing stuff and he ends up messaging this woman after a few days, what he's probably experienced cause most guys have experienced this is either one, she completely ignores him forever or two, she attacks him viciously and absolutely hates him and is just mad as hell and is just like rah, rah, rah, who do you think you are? You know, all this kind of stuff and so what guys have found and I've talked to a lot of guys about this is that if they don't end up texting you, if they forget, if they get lost in work, if some other priorities end up coming up and they don't message you for a few days, most of them won't ever message you again if it's early dating and that's what's going on or if she's been kind of doing a lot of work and all of a sudden he doesn't do anything or whatever, especially if it's an early dating, you can end up sending him a text message because basically what you're doing is you're saying it's okay, it's still okay, you're still okay and friends and basically you're putting a feeler out there and if it's one of those things where it's a last-ditch effort, right, it's been a while since you guys have talked and you're like, should I just give up on this guy at this point and you're like, I don't know and you're kind of in this space of like maybe I'll never text him again and maybe we'll never ever talk again. It's one of those things where if you send out a text message and you aren't attached to it going somewhere and he ends up being like, I don't even care, then it's fine, right? If you can be a disattached, detached from the outcome, then it can be fine. Okay, so I hope that clears up the texting thing. If you're constantly relying on him, you probably shouldn't initiate contact and instead you should be focusing on yourself. So that, oh, that's the last question that I have. Are you relying on him to meet your needs all the time or are you making sure, making yourself feel good most of the time and if you're relying on him all the time, then you probably shouldn't initiate contact and you should instead focus on yourself. So that's that one. And so next we're gonna talk about some other rules. The next one is, again, by the way, if you really want to attract a great guy and get into a great relationship where you're seen and loved and cherished, make sure you go to theforeverwomanformula.com and pick up my program there. Okay, so the next one is allowing him to lead the relationship. So if you wanna have a masculine energy man, if you wanna be in your feminine energy, if you wanna make sure that things are going really well, then you want him to lead the relationship. You want him to lead the interactions. You want him to plan things and figure things out and step up to the plate. And so the question is, are you doing everything or is he putting in effort? And so if he's putting in effort and he's putting in time and energy, like we talked with texting, there's a lot more that you can do and it's not as necessary to lean as far back or to do as much leaning back. However, if he's not doing everything, if you're doing everything, then you definitely want to start leaning back there. And so creating abundance of options and connections. We talked a little bit about that earlier. That's what you wanna do. You wanna be spending your time, creating connections, creating options with men. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Have more options. The next one is creating space for him to make effort, to do things, to show affection and to prove that he's interested. You want him to step up and prove that he's interested. And if you're smothering him with doing everything, he's not gonna be able to do that. Again, the tennis match or ping pong or volleyball or whatever sport you're into, just think of it as that one. And remember, if he's interested in you, he's probably not dumping you. So if he's pursuing you, he's probably not dumping you. So you want him to be pursuing you. You want him to be chasing you. You want him to be putting in the effort and making the investment because it's far less likely that if he's doing that and if he's trying to prove himself and if he's doing all the effort stuff that he's not gonna be dumping you. And so we get a lot of women that come to us that are just in really, really bad situations. And so that's why I kind of come from some of those places where I'm like, look, he's not gonna be dumping you if he's the one putting in all this effort. And so you want him to be doing that. The next one is showing appreciation and interest. And so if a guy doesn't think you're interested in him, most men will stop pursuing you. And so that's why you need to communicate. You need to show interest. That's another mistake a lot of women make is they're like, oh, I do nothing. I don't show any interest. I don't tell him I like him. I don't do any of that kind of stuff. You don't wanna do that. You wanna show him you're interested. You want him to know that you want him to continue to pursue you and do all these things and that you appreciate him for it and it really makes you feel good and all that kind of stuff. Think of it like an invitation. You wanna invite him to continue pursuing you or chasing you. Think of it like you're opening the door and you're like, hey, come on in. It's a party in here and it's just you and me and it's gonna be awesome. We're gonna play Twister and get in spandex. It'll be great. It'll be the best party you've ever had. Okay, so that was a joke. All right, so the next one is does leaning back work long term? So we kind of have this another kind of thing going on in our community where we talk about leaning back being this lifestyle versus kind of like this strategy technique that you're using. And so it really depends on you and your relationship to a man. So think of it initially as kind of a tool and learning about yourself, learning about the man that you're with. And if you need to make it a lifestyle because you need that in order to keep the balance because you have an anxious attachment style where you feel like you constantly have to be in contact with him all day long and you could never get enough contact with him, you might wanna use leaning back as a lifestyle because you'll probably end up smothering and pushing the man out of your life. Or if it just works, right? Like it works for the guy. The guy loves being in charge. He loves doing everything, all that kind of stuff. If it works for you and your relationship, I'm a huge fan of doing what works and just calibrating what's going on to the situation. So if it works for you and it works for him and it works for your relationship, you should do that. If it doesn't, then you might want to do something a little bit different, right? A lot of relationships work better if there's a bunch of effort on both sides but not necessarily even effort. So it depends. It might be that you're doing 20% of the effort. It might be that you're doing 50% of the effort. It might be that you're doing 80% of the effort if you like being in that role and he likes that and he's kind of feminine and you like taking charge and all that kind of stuff. If not, it's probably either gonna be closer to 50, 50 or 20, 80 or something like that. Could be like 10, 90 if he really likes to take charge a lot. Because a lot of men like to do things. We talked about that. Leaning and last thing is leaning back isn't everything. It doesn't make him fall in love necessarily. It can help kind of build that flame of desire but it doesn't necessarily make him fall in love or decide that you are absolutely the one. Only a deep emotional connection that builds and grows over time can do that. And so if you wanna do that, if you wanna create that connection and you want him to feel like you are the type of woman that he wants to be with forever, go out and check out my program, The Forever Woman at theforeverwomanformula.com. There should be a link above or below this video depending on where you're watching this from. And so that's it. If you have questions about anything, put them in the chat. I'm gonna go over questions next and then we will just do a question and answer. So I don't know how to kind of sum up everything that we talked about here. There's so much information going into this. Hopefully everybody's gotten a lot out of it. But if you have any kind of questions on what's going on, put them in the chat. I'm gonna be going through that right now. Again, theforeverwomanformula.com. I think I've pitched my program enough times but it's really, it's my whole system. You can get it for free. There's no reason not to have it. You should go and have it, especially if you're in the community. You should be going through that system and using it because it works. It simply works. You should see all the great testimonials that I get for the program. It's absolutely amazing. Okay, so I'm looking at the chat. Hi everybody. Hey, hey, hey. Hello, hello, hello. Miss Paranoid Android says nice blazer. Thank you. So Kimberly says thank you for this video. You are absolutely welcome. It's been, it's been needed to work. Islam Asin says what I get from your word is the pole and punch method. I don't know what you're talking about. I have no idea what you're talking about right now. Yeah. So, let's see. Jeanette says what if he is the lean back type? Well, the question is does that work for you and does that work for the situation that you wanna be in and is that something that you want to deal with forever? And so it kinda depends. If he's the lean back type and he's got other people that are doing a bunch of things for him and so you don't have to do a whole bunch of stuff, that can be fine. However, you probably want a man to commit to you because committing to you is what makes him feel the sunken cost theory, which is that he feels so invested in you and the relationship and being with you that he feels like he doesn't wanna let you go. And so you want him to feel that. And so if he's not feeling that, then it's gonna be difficult. It's gonna be really easy for him to walk out of the relationship. And so what you want is you want him to be investing. You want him to be investing time, energy, effort into the situation that you're in. I hope that answers your question. Danielle says, sweet and sexy in small doses, keeping them wanting more. The attention you give is like they can smell what you're cooking, but they didn't get any dinner, so now they're really hungry. That's a great metaphor, Danielle. That is an absolutely great metaphor. So you're making them get a little bit of a taste. You're just giving them a little spoonful and he's like, oh, I want some more. I want some more of that. Can I get some more? And you're like, yes, sir, you can. Amy says, I'm a strong communicator. They are slow replies and short. Okay. So, whoop. Let's see. Jennifer says, oh, Ayon Faye says, Matt, how do we ladies lean back and be invested in a high quality man? Just went over that entire thing. That's the whole video. So you want to go through the start of the beginning, go through the video. Jennifer says, I have a question. What if you're in a long distance relationship and you don't get to see them often? Well, like I said, what you want to do is you want, so there's a principle that I talk about in the forever woman program. It's called the scarcity principle. And so, first off, I don't know what kind of a situation you're in. Every time I talk to a woman that's in a long distance situation, I always have to say, and as a disclaimer, there's a lot of scammers out there, make sure that you do a video chat with him to make sure that he's the person that he says he is and that he's a real person and that you actually have a real relationship with a real person because there's plenty of women that are getting scammed out there. So with that, I also, if you're in a long distance relationship, what you want to do is just create scarcity and you need to, in order for a long distance relationships to really work, you guys have to be meeting each other. Otherwise, you're not going to be getting all of your needs fulfilled in that situation. And so, if you're in a long distance and you're like, okay, I want to lean back, what should be happening? And it's kind of difficult with a long distance one, but you want him to be initiating, you want him to be contacting, you want him to be bouncing the ball back and forth, you want him to be coming and seeing you and you want to be going and seeing him. And it can be a little bit more of a back and forth kind of a thing because long distance is so difficult. However, if you kind of lean back and you let him kind of do the thing and he's like, hey, I'll come and see you again or whatever, what you want is that to happen, right? You want him to be putting as much energy and effort into it as humanly possible. Like I said, 50-50 is the max that you want to go. Ideally, you want to be putting in 20% of the effort in him 80, but the big thing is the scarcity principle and making sure that you guys aren't constantly in communication with each other, that you guys have some room apart from each other and that you're enjoying it. And he's investing and that he's excited and there's some mystery there. So M.co says, leaning back, he courted me with kindness, sweet words, making me laugh, texting, sending love songs and dancing, then he leaned back no contact for days. I told him off, was I right or wrong? Well, if you don't ever want to see him again, you are wrong. And if you wanted to see him again, or if you don't ever want to see him again, then you're right and if you wanted to see him again, you're wrong. And you did exactly what I was talking about, right? Where I was like, hey, if a guy doesn't end up contacting a woman because of some other priority comes up, most guys know that if he doesn't contact you for a few days, most women lose their minds and they will freak out and they will start attacking him and telling him off and he's horrible and he doesn't care and he doesn't love you and all these things, regardless of whether they're true or not, and maybe it was just because he got caught up and so you will never know now because you ended up telling him off and so if you ended up wanting a relationship with him, then you are just, you know, you are out of luck now because you already, you already cut all ties with him. You already burned that bridge. So Laura says, love the guy, love the take charge guy. I am going to show interest right after your video, okay? Laura says, yes, it clears it up for me immensely. Thank you, I am grateful for you. Timing is no coincidence. Well, you are welcome. I'm glad that that clears things up. Michelle says, Matthew, this is the best video yet. You have clarified so many things. I was fuzzy on, I love this. You really are the best. Well, that was really sweet. Thank you so much for the compliments. I love compliments, so thank you for that. And I'm glad that you have things cleared up from this. Julie Tree says, Matt, what if he won't talk to you? Do you just cut off all contact? Well, if he won't, if he doesn't, if he won't talk to you, of course you cut off all contact. I mean, what are you going to do? If he's not willing to talk to you, are you talking about like he's not willing to do video chat, are you talking about long distance or are you talking, I'm not sure exactly what you're talking about, but if he won't talk to you, then that is a huge, huge problem. Absolutely, you just stop contacting him. I mean, why would you want to contact somebody and be with somebody who doesn't want to talk to you? Listen, Julie Tree, I know what your situation is. You've kind of told me a little bits and pieces about it. This is what you want, okay? And if you haven't gone through my program, you should and you should specifically go back to the one where I talk about belief systems and go over that multiple times and use the affirmations from that part of my program. And this is what you want. You want a man who wants to be with you. You want a man who's excited to be with you. You want a man who's excited to contact you back when he receives your message. He's like, oh my God, the love of my life just contacted me. She's so amazing. I hope I don't screw this up with her, right? That's the kind of situation you want to be in. That's what you deserve, okay? And so you should start thinking of yourself as deserving that. And if a guy doesn't want to talk to you, great. Go find some other guys. Create abundance in your life. It's the principle of abundance. I talk about this in my program. Make sure that you have abundance. Make sure you have options. Make sure you have an abundance of connection and abundance of options. And once you have those things, it'll be a lot easier. You won't be talking about this dude who won't talk to you. Like, what are you doing? Don't do that. Don't do that. Helena says, Matt gives the most amazing advice. Oh, thanks, Helena. Helena Hart is my favorite. Helena, ha, thank you for being here. All right, God's Girl says, my guy hasn't taken me out to dinner or date in a long time. He came by and said he was hungry. I said, well, make yourself something to eat. Is that wrong? No, I mean, it's not wrong. I mean, it's kind of childish, right? So you're not communicating with him. You're doing something that they call being passive aggressive where you're not coming out and talking about what's going on. And instead, you're like, oh, my guy came over and he's hungry. I'm like, I will make your son. You know what I mean? It's like, okay, you're angry at him, but you're not talking to him about it. There was some woman in our community today that's like, oh, men are so complicated. Women are so simple and straightforward. This is why women aren't simple and straightforward because you're like saying something to him, he has no idea what's going on because you haven't talked to him about it. And so you're like being resentful and taking things out on him and getting revenge on him. And who knows if he knows what's going on or not going on, but you're not communicating like an adult. And so you need to communicate with an adult. You need to be sweet to him and talk to him and tell him what's going on with you. And if you don't do that, then don't expect anything to change. Definitely don't expect anything to change if he shows up and you're like, yeah, make yourself something to eat because I'm not gonna make you anything since you haven't taken me out to dinner. Yeah, all that's gonna happen is he's gonna end up getting resentful towards you because he's gonna be like, I don't even know what his problem is. All I know is she's acting all angry and stuff and pouty and is weird, right? And so you need to have like real communication and real conversations because that's the adult thing to do. Sandy says, geez, Matt, stop calling a girl out. Yeah, you know, that's kind of one of the things that I do. And I'm just, I'm not sorry about it. We gotta come to terms with reality here. That's what I like to do is coming to terms with reality. Some people like it, some people don't. I don't know. Michelle says, I love how you're helping women. Well, I love that you love how I'm helping women. So God's Girl says, I love this, just stop it. Just stop it, just stop it. Met Monk, so good advice. That's awesome. Nellie says, I love volunteering and doing things for fun, but don't meet the kind of guy I like all the time. And when I do, he's not available. But well, well, I mean, you know, you can do other things. I did a video recently with a woman about how another coach about meeting men offline. And so there's a lot of things that you can do to meet men offline. Yeah, I know that a lot of guys aren't volunteering. That's not a big guy kind of thing. It's kind of more of a heart centered thing, which is why a lot more women are doing it than men are. However, there's a lot of things that you can get involved in. If you are interested in things, some are volunteering. Sometimes there can be a lot of guys that are involved, you know, doing volunteering things. And sometimes you can just meet guys out anywhere that you go. You can meet them in coffee shops. You can meet them walking down the street. You can meet them anywhere on the subway. Guys are everywhere. Great guys are everywhere. And so all you need to do is just connect with them. Michelle says, you look handsome, great energy. Thank you, Michelle. Appreciate you. Appreciate you. M.co says, Matt, I do not want an abundance of men. I want one man to be myself with and to be honest with. Yeah, of course. And everybody wants that. Here's the thing. Like it's kind of counterintuitive because what you think about with this whole thing about abundance is that you think, and everybody thinks this, this is the same in the men's dating industry. Like men come into the men's dating industry and they're like, I want a wife. That's what I want. I want to get married. I want to have a wife and I want to have kids and I just want a great woman. I just want one woman. I want to deal with going out and developing skills and practicing and developing my personality. I just want to go out, get one woman. I want us to get married. I want us to have kids and that's it. And what most men end up finding out is that when they go into situations and they don't have an abundance of women in their lives, they end up scaring men, scaring women off because what women are most attracted to are guys that are really confident, that are guys that have really great personalities and can make them feel all kinds of wonderful and amazing things. That's what women are most attracted to and men who are like that are players. That's how most men are. That's the type of man that's most like that as a player. And so in order for a guy to get to a situation where he has the ability to even get into a marriage with a woman, most guys have to go out there and meet a lot of women and grow out and date a bunch of women and kind of learn these kind of skills of conversation and learn how to get into relationships with women and then eventually they end up getting into a relationship with the exact kind of woman that they want over time. And it sucks that it works like that, but that's reality, right? Because if you don't have an abundance and you don't have a bunch of options, what you end up doing is freaking out over this one dude and guys do the exact same thing, which is all the guys that you don't want, most of them are doing all the same things that you're talking about right here where you're like, I just want one person and they come in and they see you and they're like, oh my God, you're so amazing. And you're like, oh God, get away from me. You're creepy, right? Because that's what you experience is you experience creepiness from a guy who doesn't have an abundance of women because he doesn't know how to talk and communicate and do all those things that make you feel attracted and make you feel good and lead things to a relationship. And so it's the same way with both situations. If you don't have an abundance of men, if you don't have a bunch of options, then you don't have to, you can have abundance of connection as well and that will help a lot, but the abundance of men thing, it just works. And you don't have to sleep with these guys, you shouldn't be sleeping with these guys. I don't recommend that you sleep with these guys, but you should have an abundance of options with men. End rant. Okay, Sandy says, true M, I've been in a circle of three guys, non-sexual, and it's too much. You don't know which to put your focus on and feel torn. Well, which one of them is stepping up to the plate? There Sandy, if none of them are, then you shouldn't be putting your focus on any of them. And if all of them are, then you should figure out which one you want the most and let him step up to the plate for you. Tarkasha says, how do I get him to invest more into the relationship? You lean back and he will either invest more into the relationship or he will show that he's not really interested in that. And you, either one, it might not feel good, but they will tell you what is going on. God's girl says, when a woman finally connects with a man, she leans forward because she's into him. We've played the games already, been around the block. If a man scares off, he's not ready. Well, it depends on what you mean by that, right? So if you, when you say that, you're like, okay, she leans forward. And so if he's not ready for that, right? And basically what you're doing is you're saying, I have no responsibility in this. And if he doesn't take me as I am, screw him, which I totally understand that. However, you have to understand how people work. And it's the same on the men and women's side. If a guy does this to you, you will end up running off because you smother him. And that's just, that's just how it works. You know, you can fight with reality. This is reality and you can fight with it all you want, but reality wins every time. And most men, they don't want to be smothered. They want the same thing you do, which is a space and to feel good and to not get, you know, if you end up getting smothered by a dude, you're like, you feel caged and you want to run away, right? And that's what a guy feels like too. And you can't just be like, oh, he's the problem. He might be ready, but he wants somebody where it's kind of an even relationship. And he has space and he doesn't feel like he's being smothered. And that's what you have to realize. And if you don't realize that, then you're just gonna have problems forever. And so it's one of those things like if you're doing that and it's working for you, great. If you're doing it and it's not working for you, then just change what you're doing. Because if you keep doing the same thing forever, you're just gonna keep getting the same results. And so that's it. That's it. You can lean forward if you want to, God's girl, just realize that there are consequences to ignoring reality. That is it. Okay, so m.co says, got it? No text returned if no text served. Jeanette says, stuck in masculine energy from being a single mom, working, et cetera, and haven't dated in many years. How do I practice feminine energy? Well, there's a lot of different ways that you can practice feminine energy. My suggestion is that initially that you get into create like a ritual around it, right? And figure out what kind of makes you feel connected to your feminine self. And so just practice getting into that state. And so it might be going out into nature. It might be dancing around your room. It might be singing in the shower. It might be doing whatever, like lighting candles and just relaxing. It could be all kinds of different things. And so what you wanna do is practice doing it and get used to switching over to your feminine energy and then do that over and over and over and over again. And eventually it'll become really easy and feel really natural for you to get into your feminine energy. And then it just becomes really, really good. So Sissy says, I'm all in with rules. I don't like the rules, man, okay. Malima says, I get it 100%. My own man gets upset for days whenever we have issues. I try talking to him, but he just goes mute. I'm getting tired of his behavior. What do I do? Well, it depends. You know, if he's getting upset for days whenever you have issues, and he starts pulling back and pulling away, the best thing that you can do is give him some space. And if what you end up doing is you try to talk to him and you're like, oh, I gotta talk and we gotta do this. And you're like, oh, what that's gonna do is just push him away. It's just gonna push him further away. And you can go back to the idea of what God's girl was talking about where it's like, oh, I don't care. If he's not willing to talk, then screw him. Well, everybody has different things going on. And so he might have a different system that works for him where he needs space. And it's not just men that do this. Women do this as well. Lots of people do this. So it depends on a lot of things. It depends on his upbringing. It depends on his energy system. Is he an introvert or an extrovert? It depends on his attachment style. You know, is he an avoidant attachment style? He may just need some time. He may just need some time to process the emotions or processes energy. And the worst thing that you can possibly do is try to talk things out with him if he needs some space. And the best thing that you can do is give him some space because then he will end up missing you and he'll come back. And usually guys come back and they're like, ah. You know, and a lot of times they'll end up apologizing and doing all these things that you didn't expect him to do because he wasn't doing that before because you were just kind of clawing at him and just constantly trying to make him do things when he needed, one of his needs was to have some space. And you were denying him that need by because one of your needs is communication and connection. And so what you need to be doing is communicating and connecting in a different place and having an abundance of connection so that it's not as big of a deal that he needs some space and you're not just like, oh my God, he's it, right? And so you have this other place where you can get connection and you can express your emotions and talk to somebody and you're frustrated and ah, you know, and you can let go of it and get it out and you're not dumping it on him when he needs some space. That's what you need to do. So m.co says, yes, I do have an agenda, Matt. I have several agenda chunks here, okay. Camila says, Si, I have no idea what my block is. I do actually end up being the one leaning forward but I feel like if I don't, then the guy will never muster up the courage. I don't get it, I know that. Yeah, and he might not muster up the courage and that's something that you need to find out and you need to find it out early on and you need to figure out what's going on with you and just do some research. Read that book. It's called Attachment that's out there. Just do some research on what's going on with you. Maybe talk to some people. You can find out about your love language, find out about kind of what's going on with you. Go take some sort courses, some specifically some personal development courses, maybe some transformational type courses that are out there and just learn more about yourself and learn more about what's going on with you. You can always go and talk to a therapist if you need to. A lot of times, psychologists and psychologist and psych... Go talk to a psychologist and a lot of times they'll know a lot of different things about what might be going on with you in terms of just different kind of things that people have in terms of their personalities and all kinds of things like that. And so you just wanna learn as much as you can about yourself so that you know what's going on with you to as much of a degree as you possibly can, right? Cause I mean, sometimes we can figure out exactly like, we're like, okay, it's this attachment style or it's the fact that I have social anxiety, right? Like I have horrible social anxiety and so sometimes I have to just go off and be by myself not because I don't wanna be with other people but because I have a God awful social anxiety and if I stay in this group of people I will start physically getting ill. And so I have to go off and spend hours sometimes or even days by myself in order to recover from it. And so I know that about myself. And so now when I go into a certain situation and I start feeling that I can be like, okay, this is starting to happen to me right now and I can communicate what's going on and then I can get out of the situation and nobody will get offended or if they do then it's they know why at least I'm doing that. So Camilla says, I look great, guys drill constantly over me at the gym but that's all they do, they just stare. So I have to take the first step unless I wanna end up as the crazy spinster cat lady. Yeah, and there's nothing wrong with taking the first step. There's nothing wrong with that. I talked about that already. If you're coming from a good place, if you're coming from a healthy place, if you're coming from a strong place, there's nothing wrong with approaching a guy. There's nothing wrong with initiating contact through text or phone call. There's nothing wrong with walking up to a guy and saying hi and just complimenting him or whatever way you wanna do if you wanna approach. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Absolutely nothing, nothing wrong with that. So let's see. AstroStars says, I retesting to see a dating coach live. Yeah, I think what you're saying is that you're actually seeing me live. Camilla says, how long would you recommend giving a guy the time to move on before moving on? Well, it depends on the situation. If you're just in the initial dating phases so you're not exclusive, you're not in a committed relationship, I wouldn't give him any time at all. I would just move on immediately, which is why we talk about abundance and having options with men. So you're not sitting around like, I'm waiting for this guy to get back to me. And so, you don't wanna do that. You wanna have other guys out there that you have things going on with. That way, if that guy's not stepping up, you don't even remember. You're like, oh wait, that's right. There was this one guy and you know what, I don't even care anymore because I've got this other honk that I've been hanging out with and he is way better. So Fio says, I lean back, stop initiating text. After four days, he freaked out a little on me. He said, we should not go more than three days without talking. I encouraged him to reach out more. He promised to do so. Well, there you go. It sounds like you're on your way at least to something working out. Menon says, you have to be ready to give what you want to receive. Yeah, I mean, there's nothing wrong with giving in relationships. It's not a one-way street. It's a two-way street. You always have to remember that. Sissy says, yes, yes, detachment is the key. Lulu says, when did you say we should be exclusive? I said that you should be exclusive no later than getting physically intimate with each other. You should be getting exclusivity before getting physically intimate, no later than that. If you've already gotten physically intimate, then you shouldn't get physically intimate again unless you get an agreement of exclusivity. That is what you should be doing to protect yourself because men can go years without being exclusive. Women, not so much. And so you wanna be protecting yourself as much as possible. So you want to get exclusive before getting physically intimate. M.co says, no, I do not rely on him to make me feel good. I rely on my own spirit for that. That's what I'm talking about. M.co, that's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. Feels like I will be single forever, actually. Well, you don't wanna do that. I mean, you wanna follow my system. That's really what you want to do. Follow my system. That's what we're talking about here. So Lulu says, it's a long distance relationship. Question mark, it's been five months, but we haven't met already. We send so many pictures and daily messages and phone calls. Well, like I said, you need to make sure that you need to make sure that you have talked to him video chat to make sure he's a real person, right? So make sure you talk to him on video chat. You don't wanna get scammed here. There's a lot of scammers. They're in Africa and they scam women and they take your money and you need to make sure you're talking to a real person. So video chat with him. Julie says, hi, Matthew, I'm from Iowa. What does it mean when a guy wants you to stop using emojis and texts along with mushy stuff? Well, that sounds like he's really controlling is what that sounds like. It sounds like he's trying to force you to do something that's not you for some reason. And it could be that he feels like, it could be that he feels like it's too much. He might be warning you. It's possible that he's just telling you, hey, this is not attractive to me. It's also possible that he's not that attracted to you. And so he's like, hey, I don't want you to do that kind of stuff because it's too much like girly for me. Or it could be that he's just trying to control you and excuse me, I was sick. I was sick the last few days. Gotta drink some water. Okay. Excuse me. All right, so I think I'm gonna go here. My throat's killing me and we are past the hour. So thank you so much for being here. I really appreciate you being here and allowing me to be a part of your journey with you. I hope you got a lot out of this video. There was a lot of questions about leaning back and how to do it and what are the rules around it and should I initiate? Hopefully I've answered all those questions that you guys have about that. If not, put them in the chat or ask about them some other time. Excuse me. And we can talk about them again later. Again, if you're really serious about getting into a great relationship where you are seen and loved and cherished by a great guy, make sure that you go and check out the forever woman formula at theforeverwomanformula.com. It's my whole system. You can get it over there for free. Thank you so much for being here. You are absolutely the best part of our community. We have the best women in the world in our community. So thank you so much for being so awesome and being here with me and trusting me and being a part of our community and everything that we're doing. So thank you so much. And I will speak with you again soon. Have a great day, everybody. I'll see you.