 Here we go in Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22 through 24 Paul writes wives submit to your own husband's as to the Lord For the husband is head of the wife as also Christ is head of the church And he is the Savior of the body Therefore just as the church is subject to Christ So let the wives be to their own husbands in everything And so we're starting to speak concerning the role of the wife. It's going to be a 26 week No, I'm just kidding It's obviously one of those studies that we can't really give that much Practical information in in 50 minutes But I'm going to do the best that I can to be of help to you and to share with you a little bit about what the scripture says in two different passages and Some cross-references concerning what it means to be a Christian who is a wife And so last time we were together we spent some time looking at how husbands can Can demonstrate love for their wives? Because remember with me that when Paul was writing to the husbands in chapter 5 here in verse 25 it simply said to the husbands to love their wives and So because all the law and the prophets are fulfilled in one word, which is to love your neighbor as yourself I was sharing with us as husbands last time that what God has called us to do is To learn to love our wives and I spent time with you sharing about how we can love in a sacrificial way How we can love in a way that sanctifies how we can love in a way that cherishes our wife that brings stability to the home And it was all wrapped up with the the element of understanding that the relationship of a man and a woman as As understood as the by a Christian as is presented to us in scripture is that the Husband and the wife the marriage is really a picture of of Jesus Christ and the church And so I spent time with you last time speaking concerning this how that we as husbands could learn to love in such a way Because if we grow in these things we may be able to minister effectively to our wives and we may be able to learn To be leaders in our home So today what we're going to do is we're going to look at how wives can demonstrate love for their own Husbands and as I've mentioned before it's interesting to note that the Bible doesn't necessarily command wives To love their husbands the Bible does speak concerning how the older women will teach the younger women How to love their husbands, but it seems that when it came to commands concerning love Well the command to the husband was to love the wife and yet the wife Seems does not receive that kind of command But actually the command that she receives is the one that will demonstrate her love for her husband And you see that? In verse 33 of chapter 5 where it said Let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself And then Paul went on to say and let the wife see that she respects her husband And so it would seem that the way that the man Understands that his wife loves him is when the wife is showing respect for him See that the wife respects her husband is the command that word respect is a word that Means to treat with deference. It speaks of obedience You see a great example of this kind of attitude of respect can be found in the example of The wife of a man by the name of Abraham Abraham is the father of the of the Jewish nation and When she's referred to in first Peter chapter 3 verse 6 Abraham's wife Sarah is said to have obeyed Abraham calling him Lord Now that's a decision this respect is a decision of the will it requires dying to self and It requires the power of the Holy Spirit You can't fulfill the commands of God without Without God supplying the power to fulfill those commands I mean if you were to look at chapter 5 here verse 18 It makes it very clear that it requires the power of the Holy Spirit when it says do not be drunk with the wine in which Is dissipation but be filled with the spirit So in order to be enabled to show the respect and reverence and all that is Commanded of our wives that takes the power of the Holy Spirit to do so and the wife is to respect the husband She can show respect in a variety of ways She can respect him as the leader of the home The one who has been vested with authority By God to be the leader in 1st Corinthians 11 verse 3 Paul said it like this He said I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ and the head of a wife is her husband And the head of Christ is God it speaks concerning a chain of authority that was established and man has been given the Responsibility of having authority in the home She can respect him working the way that he works to provide for the home in 1st Timothy chapter 5 verse 8 It says if anyone doesn't provide for his relatives especially for members of his household He's denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever She can respect him as a man and she can show that she's aware of the differences between her and her husband You know in a time when There seems to be this kind of like a Well, you choose your own gender mentality that is being thrust on Americans the Bible makes it very clear that God created them male and Female and they're quite obvious differences and there are those of course and you'll especially find this in the levels of academia in in schools and colleges and and all how there's an entire Agenda being presented to to the students there that basically are saying that men and women are Exactly the same they make choices as to whether or not they want to live as a man or a woman Etc. But but you know these are usually theories that are given by people who don't have children. I Mean anybody here who's got any kids would dispute that immediately just by life experiences I mean I've got two boys and two girls two men and two women now I've got six granddaughters and two grandsons and I can tell you there are differences between Boys and girls you guys know this. I mean you take your sons out. We'll say to the park and They're four years old five years old and you let them play and there are trees in various places that they can run and play And all you got three or four little boys And what do they do they're going to go find a stick and they're going to hit each other That's what they do, right? I mean that's what they do they play we used to call it playing army But you just would play that's what boys do they wrestle they fight they pick up sticks and they chase each other But you take four or five little girls of the same age you put them in the same park You put them near the same tree and what do they do the little girls will sit down in a circle And they'll talk about the little girl who's not there. That's what girls can do Oh, I'm lying. I'm lying She thinks she's so cute. Look at her ponytail. I don't like her ponytail Of course, I'm playing with you, but there's truth to that There's truth to that the socialization the identification. It's just entirely different. We know that we know that little boys Are not little girls and little girls are not little boys And and what the woman does is she learns to show respect for the man as a man It is not her job to be his his mother. I Remember when Marie and I my wife and I were first married and Marie was Doing what wives can do, you know Helping me choose everything. It's amazing. Oh, I did not know how to dress until I got married but How we had Conversations and Marie was doing what what women can do and I still remember it very early in our marriage How I said to her, you know, I really I didn't want to marry my mom I wanted to marry a wife and what you're trying to become to me is my mother and I frankly already have one So why don't we have a marital relationship? So from the very beginning and I have to tell you it wasn't some kind of evil plot on her life To ruin mine. It was just the way she by nature is she wants to care for it She wants to love she wants to nurture and I'm good with that. I enjoy it I like being spoiled like any other man does but at a certain point. I'm a man You can't treat me like I'm one of your girlfriends. You can't sit down and make me watch lifetime with you I ain't gonna do it Unless unless, you know, I never do it. I just can't do it God's word somewhere says thou shall not watch lifetime And I won't but you know, she has to She respects you in that way she understands that there's a difference between this man and a woman and And another way that I think is very important is she reveals her respect when she speaks well of him Before children her children and when she speaks well of him before other people When she actually speaks well of him like it says in song of Solomon chapter 5 verse 16 How she says his mouth is most sweet Yes, he is all together. Lovely. This is my beloved and This is my friend. Oh daughters of Jerusalem. She speaks well of him. She speaks well of her husband In such a way that he is even honored by other people because of the way she respects him You see, I've said this every time I teach on this particular passage that a man doesn't spell the word love L-O-V-E The way the word love is spelled for a man is the word respect Because when my wife is respecting me my wife is loving me When my wife disrespects me, I take it personally and I feel she is not loving me And so the woman shows her respect in a variety of ways. She respects his leadership She respects the fact that he works to provide She respects that he's a man and she respects him in front of other people and it causes him to understand that he is loved and The result can be that he has love and he has concern for his wife in Proverbs 31 verse 11 it says The heart of her husband safely trusts her So he will have no lack of gain in this action of respect and love for the husband His trust is given to her and he blesses her as a result of that And so that's what Paul is going to be teaching us He's going to teach the wife that she respects her husband reverences him and and I want to point out in verse 22 that this really isn't a suggestion It says wives submit to your own husband's as to the Lord. It's a command It isn't that he's saying it would be great if you did this He is saying that you are to do this that the wife is to respect the husband The wife is to submit to that husband. So Paul is addressing Christian wives Now the woman who is not a Christian would not listen to what Paul is writing But the Christian woman would be greatly interested and she desires this kind of instruction And so basically Paul is giving two commands One he's saying wives submit to your own husbands You see that in verses 22 and 24 and then secondly in verse 33. He is saying reverence or respect your husband Now obviously and I'll lay a foundation so we can see this as clearly as as is possible Obviously this portion of scripture creates a bit of controversy Many women rebel against the command that they are to actually submit to their own husbands A few years ago now probably at least two years ago now Marie and I were walking in one of the local stores And as we were walking in front of us, I still remember to my left it was a guy in his late 40s probably and a younger man in his early 20s and You could see that they were engaged in conversation and they both worked at this store So as I was walking towards them This older man was speaking to the younger man and the older man said to the younger man I'll show you I'll prove what I'm telling you is true and Because he was right there. I heard him say that I'll show you I'll prove what I'm saying is true So he says excuse me and he stops Marie and me He says may I ask you a question and I said yeah, of course He says in an argument who wins the woman or the man? And he asks me so I go well who wins honey. No, I I You tell me you tell me. I don't know I Said in an argument who wins and he said yeah, I Said I do And he says and he so he looks to Marie does he and Marie says yeah He does now It's not that we're arguing the question that he was asking really related to leadership That's really what he was asking Who leads in the home? I heard that in that way because Marie and I and this may sound weird to you But some of you who you who've been married? Longer you know what I'm trying to say when I say it this way It's not that Marie and I don't have differences of opinions Of course we do those are part of every marriage, but she has learned how wrong she can be when it differs with mine. No she We have learned how to get along so it's not like we have lots of arguments because we don't That's a fact We just don't when we're not always at each other We're not those are things that we learned to settle in the first few years of our marriage We learned how to get along we learned what was important. What's not important. What's worth going to the mat for what's not You learn that over time everything doesn't have to be fought over you know this I'm not saying anything that you don't know you don't have to argue about everything The toilet roll paper doesn't go this side or that side, you know what side of the bed you sleep on I've discovered that's a sign to somewhere in the Bible you sleep on this side I discovered that but there you don't have to argue about everything right so when he said Argument Marie and I process that different because it's not like we argue so because we don't what what we do is we do have Conversations I get loud no we do have conversations over things But it's just not that important at the end of the day There are very few things worth actually getting really upset about and when that does happen We converse in in volumes of our you know our language volume isn't loud We're not yelling. We're not getting mad. We're not arguing. We just don't do that It just is not profitable to do that with that said When he said who wins the argument I really saw that more of a question is who's the leader in the home? And I said I am and when he said is that true to her Marie said he is and that's Unusual for many people today because after I said that to the man He had such a puzzled look in his eyes, and he turned to the young man. He said well, that's unusual. That's not that's not normal That's what he said, you know, but in fact, that's how God designed it That's how I'm supposed to be the leader. I'm supposed to be able to make the decisions I'm supposed to be respected by my wife I'm supposed to live in a way that she respects me But even when I'm not living in that way she is still commanded to have respect for her husband That's what scripture teaches and so we'll look at that in some more detail because I know questions arise at that comment But that's a fact and so as this is being presented to us in scripture The wife is to show respect to the husband and she is to submit So in this passage God clearly commands Christian wives to do two things submit to your own husbands and Respect them now notice with me the command for wives to submit to their husband is something that is not just here It's repeated in scripture Colossians 3 18 says wives submit yourselves to your own husbands as it is fit in the Lord First Peter chapter 3 verse 1 wives likewise be submissive to your own husbands So this is a command found repeated in the New Testament He did not say wives be submissive to someone else's husband He said be submissive to your own husband And so he's speaking concerning the way a home is supposed to work now notice as we begin the words submit Let's define that so we can see how we can apply that you see the Greek word translated Submit also translated by the word subject is an interesting word that is used in two basic ways First the word is what is called the Greek military term and The word means to arrange troop divisions under the command of a leader The second way that the word submit is used is in reference to a voluntary attitude of cooperation It speaks of yielding or carrying a burden and so we are to voluntarily submit ourselves to leadership as Well as one another you see in the church submission to proper authority is required of all believers James chapter 4 verse 7 says that all believers are submitted to God Hebrews 13 17 says believers are submitted to biblical leadership Romans 13 verse 1 says we are to be submitted to government and in Ephesians chapter 5 verse 21 Paul said that we are submitted to one another in the fear of God And so submission is part of just being part of a community And it's just part of what is necessary for that community to actually function properly And submission is made possible when the body of Christ is filled with the Holy Spirit Because without the strengthening of the Lord my natural response will always be rebellion So I need a model and the model of submission that we find in scripture is Jesus himself Because he was perfectly submitted to his father in John 4 34 Jesus said my food is to do the will of him Who sent me in to finish his work in John 6 38 Jesus said I came down from heaven not to do my own will But the will of him who sent me And so Jesus is the model of submission submission is the way that things operate most smoothly And in marriage submission is rooted in two basic things One in the revelation that the church is the bride of Christ and thus is subject to him And you saw that in chapter 5 here in verses 31 and 32 And also it is rooted in the priority of creation that man was created and then the woman In first Corinthians 11 8 and 9 it says man is not from woman woman from man Nor was man created for woman but woman for the man So with that in mind Paul is giving a command to the wives And he says it in verse 24 when he says just as the church is subject to Christ Let the wives be to their own husbands in everything So as as the church is subject to Jesus. So the question has to be asked Why is that so difficult? Or is it Perhaps I have wives in here who say this this doesn't apply to me because I just so easily flow with everything I never have a problem. So to you problem wives Or you who like to have theory Why is it hard? Why is it so difficult to submit? Why is it so anger-provoking and why If I gave this message will say to any other organization Like a like a woman's club after they finished beating me. Do you think they'd like what they heard? I mean, why is it so hard? Why is it so difficult? Because you and I we all will we'll all say it is true that it is difficult it is difficult to submit But why why is it so hard? Well, it originates this difficulty originates in human nature When adam and eve partook of the forbidden fruit sin entered the world and curses were given When you read the book of genesis chapter 3 verse 16, it reads to the woman god said I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception In pain you shall bring forth children Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you Now I mentioned this quite often whenever I look at this passage especially where it says In pain you shall bring forth children and every Lady in this room who's given birth would say That that's true. I'm going to assume that now perhaps I have Somebody in this room who's had children and did not go through birth pains Maybe I do there are some women who seem to have an easier time delivering than others And maybe you didn't have what you've heard are those those incredible birth pangs and all but I have to tell you It is absolutely true the women when they go through birth They have sorrow Jesus said it when a woman goes through labor. She has sorrow But after she's given birth her sorrow is immediately forgotten for the joy that a child has been brought into the world And that's absolutely true And there I am with Marie and Marie is going through birth pangs with our first child My first child Corinne And so as Marie is going through birth pangs with her she she actually She had gotten up and early in the morning. She said my water has broken. I had no clue what that meant My water has broken But she did and she said we have to get to the hospital I do remember putting her in the car and driving her to the hospital. She had 33 hours of labor Now we had gone through This amazing course called lamas Which takes away all the pain And I still remember that she's there on that gurney They've they've hooked her up with this uh various things and all and the nurse has approached me and has said to me Your wife is is in a lot of pain. She just will not admit that she's in it May I have permission to give to her something that will relieve some of the pain she's going through and so I gave permission You see what had happened is we had gone through this lamas and I knew the hee hee ha ha who and all of that And it cost me 25 dollars at that time to learn to do that And I remember that we're there and I'm watching this monitor And it started to show contractions and the pain and it just goes up like that I remember being seated and she's on the gurney her face is towards me And I draw my chair up close to her and I'm about six inches from her And I and I'm looking at her in her face and I say to her. Okay, baby It's time to hee hee And she Grits her teeth this angel from heaven She gritted her teeth And and her eyes began to bulge And she said Stop breathing in my face Shut up And sit back And I'm thinking 25 bucks to get yelled at I got yelled at at home for free A guy I know had eaten a tuna fish sandwich Yeah, and his face was right in front of his wife. Okay, honey. Oh think about that for a minute So I can I I bear witness That there is pain in delivery and I don't care if you hee hee ha ha whoo whoo if you have him in my bathtub with warm I water I don't matter There is pain in delivery So if it is true that there is pain in delivery Why is it not true that your husband that you will desire to rule your husband? Because that's what he's saying here your desire shall be for your husband He shall rule over you your desire is going to be the run to run the show But i'm given authority to your husband Through priority of creation and because it is a type of christ and his church And even as the bride The church is submitted to christ the husband Even so in marriage the wife is to be submitted to the husband who represents Jesus in that type that's the point. So There's something in human nature that causes us to rebel It's a sin nature and In relationships is also demonstrated through a desire to rule and yet god says but for order and proper function There needs to be a leader because anybody with two heads is not proper There has to be one head one leader even as christ is the head of the church Even so god has placed man to be in the role of leadership in the home You see when the bible says your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you The word desire means intense craving The same word is used when cane butchered his brother able And god spoke in genesis four seven to cane After his offering was refused and this is what god said he said if you do well Will you not be accepted and if you do not do well Sin lies at the door and its desire is for you. You should rule over it The word desire sin wants to dominate You have to be aware of that and control that so When a husband's desires do not violate scripture And do does not violate what is proper Then you simply need to remember That he's the one who was accountable before god because he's been vested with the responsibility of leadership it's interesting how that when When god was speaking to abram And sarah was in a tent And god said that sarah was going to conceive and give birth sarah began to laugh And she laughed within herself shall i have pleasure in my old age And god says to abram why did sarah laugh? That is interesting to me in that it was sarah who was laughing. Why didn't god just speak to sarah? He didn't he spoke to abram Why did your wife and that gives to us the insight from the very beginning that the husband has The accountability before god and thus that should cause me as a husband To greatly desire to be a proper leader But it also places on my wife the understanding that god has vested the husband with leadership And thus i am accountable for the kind of leadership that i provide for the home Now spiritual maturity is revealed By a willingness to obey the lord Because obedience is always the earmark of a believer in first john 5 3 john said it like this he said this is the love of god That we keep his commandments and his commandments are not burdensome. They're not difficult. They're not grievous And so there's an accountability here I have before god and my wife submits to me as i leader in the ways of the lord now The husband is the head of the wife like jesus is the head of the church And even so As we are submitted to christ even so wives are submitted to the husband Now obviously husbands are first to be submitted to the lord and that can help us to be a good husband So as i submit to the lord wives recognize the leadership Of that husband Someone says but wait a minute. What what happens when my maid is not saved or is lukewarm Should i just lay the law down on them Should i seek somebody else? What should i do? I had a woman in this fellowship who asked me about that one time. What should i do? In in first grinthian 7 13 Paul said a woman who has a husband who does not believe if he's willing to live with her let her not divorce him And so you don't just go out and find somebody who loves the lord But peter gives us insight into how to make it possible to have a good marriage When he writes concerning the same subject in first peter 3 So let's turn on bibles there now and let me take you to and conclude our study here by looking at verses 1 through 6 in first peter chapter 3 and you may be saying um I knew at turning my bible someplace. Where is first peter first peter is just before second peter that'll help you It's right after james So in first peter 3 beginning at verse 1 Likewise you wives be submissive to your own husbands that even if some do not obey the word they Without a word may be won by the conduct of their wives when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear Do not let your beauty be that outward adorning of of arranging the hair of wearing gold Or of putting on fine apparel But let it be the hidden person of the heart with the incorruptible ornament of a gentle and quiet spirit Which is very precious in the sight of god For in this manner in former times the holy women who trusted in god also adorned themselves being submissive to their own husbands As sarah obeyed abraham calling him lord whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid With any terror So in first peter chapter 3 verses 1 through 6 the apostle gives us insight into marriage and again the wife's role Notice with me that peter is sharing concerning christian wives He especially is writing concerning them being married to unbelieving husbands But the principles that he gives apply to marriage in general He begins with the wife Because her situation was far more difficult. You see during that day if a husband was saved He just went to church and the wife would go automatically With him she couldn't refuse But if the wife got saved it could be dangerous for the wife because during that day she had no rights So her situation was far more difficult There were religious as well as cultural rules that were established that were considered acceptable in society And so for a jewish woman for a jewish woman to change her religion Well, that was simply unthinkable that they just didn't do that In the greek society A man could have a lover and he would have that lover for pleasure But he would have a wife a wife that would raise the children and would care for the home And in greek society her duty was to remain indoors to be obedient and to remain attractive to that man In roman culture the wife had no rights Under law she was always regarded as a child Before marriage she was under her father's power He had the power of life and death That right automatically was transferred to her husband when she got married So the entire atmosphere of ancient civilization was that a woman was incapable of caring for herself And you can see how dangerously brave she was when she came to faith in jesus christ With that in mind Peter begins to instruct Notice with me in verse 1 first peter 3 He says you wives be submissive to your own husbands That even if some do not obey the word they without a word may be won by the conduct of their wives Notice how he begins He does not say divorce him. He does not say argue with him. He doesn't even say preach to him He says be submissive to him Why well that was the only way possible that she might win her husband to christ By submitting her life to jesus and her husband. She may possibly win him And peter is actually starting as as sometimes we forget today by putting eternity In view for the woman she needs to understand that those she may not have the marriage that she wants This unbelieving man is going to go to hell if he doesn't come to faith And so he begins by placing eternity before her and reminds her of the value of the soul of that man Now sometimes these these husbands and and he speaks of that are not really open To uh to the things that the lord is doing in your life notice how he says in verse 1 He says that even if some do not obey the word the word the words do not obey Carry with it the the meaning of aggressively disobey It's not in other words that they just passively say uh whatever's good for you is fine with me. I don't really care It's not what he's talking about. There are husbands like that There are husbands who say to their wife you can be involved in church. I don't have a problem with that You can take the kids to church. That's good. It makes them better. I don't have a problem with that You want to go to a woman's study? That's fine. You want to go to a woman's conference? That's okay. You're going to take off for a week until conference I don't have a problem with that And there are there are many men like that who who are very neutral in that way They think that it does their wife good and thus it's doing them good and they don't care But there are the other husbands that I have met Who who aggressively disobey it's not that they have That that they're neutral at all. It's that they're Really opposed they they don't like the fact that the wife is changed They don't like the fact that she doesn't want to go to vegas and spend the weekend gambling and party and and drink He didn't like that anymore. He didn't like the fact that that she doesn't dress provocatively the way he used to like her to dress He doesn't like the way that she comes to church gets involved brings the kids I I remember a fellow who was telling his wife as she was coming here in this church. He told his wife I don't want you taking My kids to that church. I want them taken to my church Well, the fact is he never went to his church But that's what he was saying. I don't want the kids in your church If we're taking them to church at all we go to my church, but he never went to church because he was so aggressively disobedient So that happens that it's not that they it's not that they're neutral at all There are some husbands who will complain and will be upset and they're mad and And then they feel that you've changed. You're not the same person. I don't like it. That's who he's speaking about This is a person who's upset about it all the time. So what happens? I mean, they may want you to sin. They may want you to sin so strongly That's such a great desire for you To sin and all of that. It's that insistence that sometimes they can have. Well, notice what he says without a word They may be won by the conduct of the wife You see again In most marriages, I can't speak for everyone but in most marriages wives may not have headship But they certainly have influence My wife has tremendous influence In my life, I mentioned to you that we don't argue. It's not that we don't have difference. It's that I've I've learned to read my wife So if I'll say something like, you know, I think I'd like to do this. She doesn't say anything She just looks at me And that's that look and I'll go what because I know she's yelling at me. She just doesn't say anything She's disagreeing And she'll do that and I'll say so you don't think that's a good idea. It's so funny I mean I think about it if I was watching a film of it because I'll say I think we ought to do this And she won't say anything Then I'll look at her I mean you don't agree with that, huh? She didn't say anything I said I know you don't Okay, what is it? What's wrong with it? I don't think there's anything wrong. It's like I'm reading her mind. It's odd So that's what I mean and we don't argue not verbally She has learned when she doesn't think a decision that I think is a good one When she doesn't think it's a good decision, you know, this is the truth that I please forgive me. It could sound Unreal to some but it's just it's true This is how my wife is She deals with She prays She prays And god changes my heart The scripture says the king's heart is in the lord's hand Like rivers of water. He turns it with us. Whoever he will My wife will take these disagreements in her heart if she thinks I'm making a bad decision And she'll give them to the lord And god turns my heart And by the way husbands You'll know it when your wife's praying for you And I come up to my wife and I will do this and this may not sound real to you. It's the truth And I will say to her, you know, you were right I know what you're saying is right Because I do take it before the lord also and he joins our heart in the right decisions And that's what safeguards us in our marriage It's learning to not argue over non-essentials to pray about everything to come together and to agree that this is best for us And there are times when the husband is worn without a word By the conduct of the wife You may want him to get saved so badly that you go and do all the presets on his radio in his car to k-wave Everyone Or you may be the kind of person who makes sandwiches if he takes a lunch and and he opens it up and he starts to eat it And puts the sandwich down open and there's a piece of paper man does not live by bread alone It may be that you do that You know constantly preaching at a certain point every husband in you know this ladies, you know, it's true Every husband in this room knows how to look at you and not listen simultaneously We all do we just know when our mouth stops i'm supposed to nod Usually takes three minutes We're not listening to you or think what time is the game on do I have time to that's what we're thinking And so the arguing and trying to fight and trying to win us with the constant preaching once you have shared now live That he may be won without a word without her preaching to him as he observes you the word observe I mentioned to you Is a strong greek word It's a word that that we would say like the it's a concentrated gaze like an instant replay Gaze where he's watching the game and there's an instant replay and he's watching it We watch our wives that way husbands The way that we love them is we learn them and so for me i have learned my wife I will watch i'll know when she's sad when before she says that i i know when she's blessed before she said I know these things because i watch her very closely and that's what he's he's saying the husbands observe the wife They closely scrutinize her they get to know her And so they find out what's important to her and what are they observing? Well, he says they're observing two things. They're observing your chaste behavior The the word chaste means to be pure from carnality It speaks of modesty and innocence a purity from every fault Song of Solomon four verse seven says it like this you are fair my love There is no spot in you And it says also accompanied by fear this fear can speak of the fear of god can be speaking of the respect that he That he is shown by his wife So this respect i've mentioned it to you a moment ago. I'll say it again. I'll say it briefly You know it seems that it may be a little more common today than Than it was in the past. I think it is where where husbands Very often are are made fun of that husbands very often are portrayed and I see it not every time but A lot That the man is regarded as so inferior and so stupid I mean, we don't even know how to go to the store to buy things We come home and it's the wrong this and oh i've got to go back now and the wife says yes Because I got the wrong dish soap, you know, and we're just so inept and so many commercials It's very insulting. It's very insulting and and yet there are many people who Who actually portray husbands as being kind of just like odd and weak and and and all and and and I have seen it I have I have seen the culture change in its regard for the men I have seen it in my lifetime and and now some of you are too young to know this but I'll use this as an illustration anyway You know when I grew up there were shows on television that they had families So you can still see them in classics, you know, Ozzie and Harriet you can see leave it to beaver you can see shows like that and And these shows that I grew up with showed great respect for the father the father always had a job He was always working hard for the family respected by the mom. Well, that's not what the way it is now Is it? I mean we're we regarded as being just kind of dumb. We can't even you know, we can't even drive I mean there's a commercial where these two people are speaking about getting in a crash We had a perfect driving record and then the woman says until someone Got in an accident and then he kind of you know, it's like yeah Yeah, I'm the doofus, you know and and and I see these commercials or or I see the commercials with these Young guys wearing burger king hats saying oh someone's going to get in trouble and I think you know, you've got to get a life move out of your dad's basement and For me, I I see this and I think you know this this is how we're regarded As weak and indecisive as needing somebody to tell us what to buy and when to come in and where to go And it's just odd and it just plays into this and and the bottom line is there's just a lot of disrespect And I've seen it and one of the things That that I will say Is as a praise to my mom and my dad is is I I I can't remember When I grew up in that home I don't remember seeing my mother disrespect my father And my mom wasn't saved the first 25 years of the marriage, but I just don't remember my mom ever Ever disrespecting my father She showed him respect I grew up in that home where the mother said that's your father She said I like that that's your father You respect him and if you don't respect him, I will teach you to respect not with my mom She'd bring out her her her chancla and she'd bring out and bang. It's all over her slipper Or anything she could get her hand on I mean my mom My mom was real strong about that She really was see so my mom respected my dad and so naturally I just grew up thinking that's natural And it's not it's not There are there are numbers That I have seen just in conversations where the wife mocks the husband disrespects them says something In front of the kids and and there have been times when Marie and I have exchanged glances like that wasn't a good thing She shouldn't have said that about him that made him look real small And that is something that a husband It'll you can either build him up ladies or you can just tear him down And the more you make him feel small remember there may be somebody out there who's going to make him feel tall remember that And so it's a very wise thing to show respect to not put him down to not ridicule him Because as I mentioned The way that I spell love is really the word respect Again, that is made possible by the spirit of the lord As he's speaking about this They observe your chase conduct. He says in verses three and four Do not let your beauty be that outward adorning of arranging the hair wearing gold Putting on fine apparel let it be the hidden person of the heart With the incorruptible ornament of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of god Again, the greek woman having a lot of time on her hands would spend a lot of time in front of a In front of a mirror of sorts and she'd put on makeup. She dressed up. She played dress up That's what she did and and peter is saying that there are better ways to use your time Than to get caught up with always just putting on makeup He's saying the godly woman makes best use of her time You see a godly wife doesn't place all emphasis on outward beauty And she doesn't intend to draw attention to herself like it says in proverbs 31 25 strengthen on her are her clothing She shall rejoice in time to come It doesn't mean that she doesn't care for her appearance. Of course she does She just doesn't present herself in an immodest way It's like what paul said in first timothy 2 9 when he said i want women to be modest in their appearance They should wear decent appropriate clothing not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes In other words, she doesn't dress to draw undue attention to herself She doesn't desire to attract the attention of men and she's not in competition with other women Her beauty is reserved for her husband He's not saying and i'll say this quickly and move on. He's not saying That that a woman should not wear makeup I thank god for makeup She takes off her wig takes off her false eyelashes Removes her lipstick takes off the rouge removes her girdle And says to her husband i want to talk to you about the way you're not always Real with me He's not saying he's not saying you can't wear makeup ladies He's not saying Why am i even bringing that up one to tease with you because i like to forgive me but two Because there are churches That teach that the women have to wear dresses that they cannot put makeup on they cannot wear jewelry And that is not what peter or paul was saying what they're speaking about is the heart Because somebody once said and there's some truth to this that one of the saddest things he ever sees Is when a beautiful woman grows older Because if she has put all of her attention on outer appearance, what happens when a younger woman comes in the room? What happens when she's used to be in the center of attention for her beauty? But now some prettier women's in the room And if she's wasted a lifetime trying to retain a youthful appearance and not growing in godliness She has not valued what really matters because you see what makes the husband's heart safely trust in the wife Is her virtue not her outer appearance In that he safely trusts because she's an honorable woman And that's how it works Some of you Men saw your girl who became your wife and when the first time you saw her you said she's just good looking I would like to be with her. I understand that because we see good. We don't hear that well, but we can see good When i met marie. I did not have that experience when i met marie my wife I was attracted to her personality and i can tell you what attracted me was her personality and her smile And I didn't look at her as a potential mate I just looked at her as a person and when I saw her as a person I saw the beauty of her heart long before I realized that she had a beauty that I would find very attractive And that is what has kept me With this woman all of these years Is that heart that she has and that's what that's what peter is saying. It is the hidden person of the heart It's the incorruptible ornament of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the side of god He goes on and finally says for in this manner in former times Holy women who trusted in god also adorned themselves being submissive to their own husbands as sarah Obeyed abram calling him lord whose daughters you are if you do good it are not afraid with any terror and so Because charm is deceptive and beauty does not last The bible says a woman who fears the lord will be greatly praised When speaking of sarah, I want you to see this and we'll close with this I want you to notice that it says sarah obeyed abraham calling him lord two things and we'll close Marie and I were dating we're moving towards marriage We were taking a drive. That was a few hours So I said to her we ought to read the bible She said that'd be good What do you want to read? And I said let's read first peter Chapter three So she's reading it. She gets to verse six sarah obeyed abraham calling him lord. I said wait wait wait wait What? What does the bible say there marie? She read it again obeyed him calling him lord. I said oh, I like that I like that And I told her I says from my name's not david My name is lord Well, that didn't work But what is that all about? What are you talking about here? That shows again the respect and reverence that she had for this man Now here's something for you sometimes Ladies will say but he does not deserve my respect. You see the bible tells us that We're to submit unto the lord unto our husbands the scripture says As to the lord and I still remember one woman saying to me when he becomes like the lord I will submit to him fact And so which means you never will right on this side of heaven. He's never going to be like the lord We're talking about a choice to submit even as you submit to god It's reflected in the way that you submit to your husband but Let's remember something as we close. Let's remember that abraham is introduced to us in genesis 12 as in this way how that The lord had said to him to get up and to move out of where he was to a land that he was going to give him And he got up and began to move out as he moved out. He entered into egypt when he entered into egypt It was brought to the attention of faro that a very beautiful woman had come in with the man named abram And so sarah was taken to faro And faro wanted to take her as a part of his harem You see abram said she's my sister And that's what got them in that big problem. He was afraid that harm would be done to him for the beauty of his wife And so they had a big problem and it's assorted out there in the book of genesis where god intervenes and nothing is done to sarah But later on you would think he he had learned something that that took place when he was around 75 When he's around a hundred again There he is and he's in a place called garrar And there's a one named abimlek there and sarah was a beautiful woman Even at that age it's hard to believe but she was given the ability to uh at a hundred i mean 90 come on but um But she was given strength and and it's very possible that her body and was was revitalized I mean she's going to give birth and i'll but the scripture says that once again she was a very beautiful woman and uh, they took sarah And brought her to abimlek and god god began to deal with abimlek and let him know you have another man's wife and so abimlek comes and speaks to To abram about it and and they sort that problem out but on two occasions genesis 12 genesis 20 abram Put his wife in danger She could have been taken She wasn't because god intervened And yet the scripture says sarah obeyed abram calling him lord So maybe Maybe that decision to respect that man Comes as a decision because the lord says that's the best way to win him I would like to be respectable in every moment of my life But i'm a human being and it's quite obvious that i can't be But my wife still Shows respect pretty sure that Not everybody in this room Has gone through things similar to sarah. Perhaps there are some who have And yet she's given to us as an example abram Sarai, that's the original names abram means high father sarai dominator abraham Father of many nations sarah princess How Did dominator Become princess How did that happen? By showing respect and love to her husband She learned to become a different woman entirely And was even named a different name by god himself Sarai at one time you who were so insistent you said go into hagar and bring forth children and ishmael was the product of that With your domination and your rulership and your attempt to Run the show with your husband Some bad decisions were made But you learned to call him lord And now I can call you princess How did that happen? By yielding to the lord learning to submit And respecting god and the man god placed in her life Sounds simple, huh? But it's not It requires dying to self the power of the holy spirit And constant prayer that god will hear you cry especially for those who are married to men who aggressively disobey god But god does answer prayer and that's why we keep praying