 Because I would ask somebody a wild-ass question. Are you for the streets? You asked that? No, did you hear what I just said? I will ask somebody a wild-ass question. I didn't say that wild-ass question. I don't know. Give us one, bro. Just roll with the hypothetical. Just get it. If you're going to go in the hypothetical, I want you to say what you want to ask. I don't have a wild-ass question to give you. I don't have one off the top of my head. Of course. So I didn't do the best job of explaining what you're about to watch in this video. So I'm going to pop up here and there to give you some context, parting the interruptions. So this video is about me responding to some of the clips that I feel are the most thought-provoking from Jared's podcast, Enjoy the Podcast. Now, ETP is a podcast that Jared does with his best friends, Lois and JD, where cis heterosexual men attempt to have non-locker room conversations. I say attempt because programming is a mother-mother and they're working through it. They talk about everything from sex to relationships, masculinity, and a lot about mental health. Now, mental health is a topic that both Jay and I are so passionate about, and I know that you are too, which is why I'm so happy to share that this video is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp is here to match you with a licensed professional therapist. Visit betterhelp.com slash booty to get 10% off your first month. That is betterhelp.com slash booty to get that 10% off your first month. Okay, back to the video. What's up, lovers and friends? This video is sponsored by BetterHelp. Get professional and affordable online counseling. All right, so today I have three special guests. Hey. How about the cake? Let's get it. Enjoy the podcast is now here to take over Shan's channel again. You are very good at standing in your truth, even though it might be controversial. Yeah. Sometimes it bites us in the ass, but I think that often times it bites us in the ass, but the thing I love about our podcast is that we're not here presenting the material as if it's all one side of it's all or this is the way or the highway. We're open to learning. We're open to discussion. It's about open dialogue, which we don't really get to see often. I think everybody on the internet is trying to make sure they have all their ducks in a row or make sure they have the right phrasing, but I think what's beautiful about it is just that it's just authentic. It's raw. It's real. It's infectious too. Because when I was a guest on your podcast, I was like, let me be raw and real and it got me into some trouble. What is that thing for you guys? What thing? You'll do anything, but I can't go for that. Oh. I wonder if there's anything I won't do. Butt stuff. I can't go for that. Really? Not my butt. No butt stuff? Not my butt. Oh yeah, hell no. Not ours. I can't go for that. What? That's your, I can't go for that? Butt stuff? What year is this? Not my butt. I don't want my butt played with. What? No. What do you mean? I don't mind a little. Now mind you, as somebody who's aware of the gamut of fetishes and kinks out there, I was shocked by that because I'm expecting to hear like necrophilia, which is sex with a corpse or something. So I was like, you know, visibly and audibly how could that be your limit? But the truth of the matter is, even if I'm not on the podcast in an expert role, I have to hold myself and I should be held to a standard of accountability of sex positivity, acceptance of different people, sexual limits, boundaries, yucks, yums, et cetera. And so my reaction was not in line with the kind of sex educator that I want to be. So if I'm ever putting out messaging that sounds like, oh my God, you're so vanilla. Oh my God, you're so boring. Then I'm really failing myself. I'm failing at my job and I'm failing you more than anything else. So yeah, this is just me saying I fucked up. I realized that it was not the right language. Thank you for reminding me of my job and reminding me of the verbiage that I have to constantly use, even if I do make jokes, I am being like. I'm real quick, I just want to say, you shouldn't have gotten in trouble. Like I know people gave you shit, but the dynamic between Shan and I, it allows for her to talk to me like that. So I just wanted to say that, like if in case anybody thought that was- Wrong. Wrong. Like there was nothing wrong with what Shan did for me. Maybe, you know, a stranger, sure. But for me, that was appropriate. So anyways, sorry. And you know what? There's also nothing wrong with apologizing either. I didn't feel a way about being like, at the end of the day, the truth is, if that wasn't the topic that people come to me for an opinion on, it would have been fine. If we were talking about cooking, but because it's about sex and that's topic that I do, people are inherently going to hear me talking to you as if I'm talking to them. Fair enough. At the end of the day, if you do not like butt stuff and that is your can't go for that, that's fine. I can go for that. That's absolutely fine. But I just, I didn't want to say that. I respect the sanctity of your bully hole. Thanks. I appreciate it. I actually should make eye contact with you while I tell you that. You made very intense eye contact with me. JD, I respect the sanctity of your bully hole as well too. Thank you. I was nervous before and now I'm just- You're good. Trying to go work it out. I'm working it all out. Well, let's get into this first clip. Let's do it. My mom, when I was 17, essentially chose her boyfriend over me. Him and I didn't get along. We didn't see eye to eye. And I remember, if the last blowout that was, I remember he gave her an ultimatum and said it's either him or me. And he was going out of town for a job. And he said- When I get back, type shit. Exactly. Exactly. Like if he's still here when I come back, I'm not coming back. And I remember he was there, right? So we're having this argument in my mom's kitchen and I remember looking at my mom. Like, I probably had a pleading look on my face. Like, please don't tell me you're even going to contemplate this. Like I'm your son. Yeah. And she chose him over me. Was that something that you brought up in therapy? Eventually, yeah. You know, it's one of those things where you would think an experience like that is just an automatic like, this is why I have abandonment issues, right? You can like put your finger on it, but it took me years to figure out that that was a huge reason why. That's so fascinating. Yeah. But I grew up without a dad. So that's where I can put my finger on, just blindly, basically. But then I started to dive deeper and realize there were other moments in my life. And then from my mom, which hurt actually more than my dad, because I grew up with my mom. I grew up idolizing my mom. So for that person to abandon me, I'm like, everyone's going to abandon me. So then I created this like bulletproof shell, essentially. Up until today, it's still there. You know what's crazy about that? That's one of those experiences that you see in TV shows or you read about. To the point that you feel like as a parent you should know to never do that. Did your mom ever apologize to you for that? No. No, and I think not to try to put words in her mouth, but I think it's because she didn't realize how traumatic it was, right? She would, she, I remember her telling me that moment when she chose him over me, she was like, well, you're 17. You're probably going to move out anyway soon, right? And I'm like, well, damn. Like I didn't have a plan for that, you know? Yeah. Like 17 was 27. Yeah. You're 17. Good job. But I realized now that was her way of not feeling bad. Yeah. That was her way of putting it on me. Yeah, again, it's something I'm aware of. It's something I definitely accept, but it's now learning how to fix that and then obviously applying what I've learned. But yeah. Well, I think it's inspiring about that is that it goes to show that therapy is not a magic wand. It's not this thing that you do when you go to, to fix yourself and become happier and more adjusted. Right. It's a process of identifying and then slowly unworking that because it took you 30 years to form these habits. It's allowed to take you three years or hell, even 13 years or 30 more years. But at least you're in the process of fixing it. But let me, let me add to that too, Shannon. It's, it's timing. It's where I am in my life, mentally, to be able to accept the fact that I need help in this department. Because before I was in denial, it's not me, it's her, it's not me, it's her. I am vulnerable, right? That whole kind of thing. So it's, it's definitely timing. If anyone is listening to this and the word timing really feels powerful to you because the timing for you is right right now to start that relationship with a professional counselor that I want you to hear more about BetterHelp. Like the other me said, if you know the timing is right for you right now to invest in your mental wellness, I want you to consider BetterHelp. BetterHelp is a service that's going to match you with a licensed professional therapist. The service is available for clients worldwide and you can log into your account any time and send a message to your counselor, schedule a phone call or video chat. I love that you choose a style of communication that best suits your needs. This service is all about building a relationship with a licensed professional on your terms. For example, if you get matched with a therapist that you don't completely jive with, you can change counselors absolutely free of charge. And speaking of charge, using BetterHelp is actually more affordable than traditional counseling and they also have financial aid available. I would love to help you get started on the Better You Today. And if you are interested in signing up, go to betterhelp.com slash booty to get 10% off your first month. That's better, H-E-L-P.com slash booty to get 10% off your first month. So we're gonna get into a fairly controversial clip. Bap, bap, bap, bap. JD. Oh, you're in trouble. What'd you do? No, it's actually me giving him an alley-oop to further explain. It's not in trouble. Okay. It's not in trouble. You're not in trouble. I was gonna say let me explain but it's not in the name of your podcast at all. It's who can relate. That would be the name of my podcast. I'm excited for this clip because I think it's very important because I think it got misunderstood. This is gonna be such a mind fuck for women and I'm sorry. Yeah. At least they come here to get the real. Okay, cool. And they may hate us for it but at the end of the day they come here to get the real. This is the worst thing I can tell you but it's the truth. Every single time I cheated and I went back to my girlfriend, I loved her so much more. Because you're guilty. And I, no, no, no. I appreciated her. I appreciated her so much more. No, that's real. Yeah. That is 100%. Because every time I would step out. Yeah. And I would just get my quick fix. My ejaculation problem. But there's a guilt in there. There's some guilt. But that's not why I cared about them or loved them more. I was just like, thank you for being you. Like, like, you're, because listen, there sounds like there's some guilt in there. You are so full of shit right now. Yeah, like, thank you for not being out cheating on me. I'm a terrible person cheating on you. Look at you being a good person. Wow, I appreciate that. That's how you take it. I promise you that wasn't it. No. Let's hear it. Okay. Okay. First and foremost, your dad was right. There was, and Lois, you were too. It's just favorite sentence. Somewhere at home, my dad is. Jumping. Brian. He was like, yeah. We miss you, Brian. No, but Brian and Lois, you were correct. There was some guilt in it, for sure. Why I couldn't admit that in the moment. Ego, I guess. Secondly, I still stand with what I said and it's like, that's why I gave the disclaimer. I know women, that's the last thing that they want to hear. And every time I cheated in the past, in the past, in the past, it made me appreciate what I had. Because back then I used to think the grass was greener. And when I realized it wasn't, I was just gonna go back to the lawn that I was with my tent at, set up my tent, set up shop. And mind you, I am, at that time, I'm referring to mid-20s, 34 now. But I think that that sentiment is so relatable. I always say this to Jay, like the reason why I am comfortable with Jared having another lover if he chose to is because as much as somebody new, it's hard for me to compete with. Cause they have, they're exciting, they're different. It's something you haven't experienced before. They also can't compete with me. I know how you like your balls tickled. I know the very specific things about you. I know what you want to do afterwards. Like old can't compete with new and new can't compete with old. So yeah, I completely understand what you were saying by that. But I guess you weren't ready to admit, this is 50-50. It's 50% guilt and 50% appreciation in comparison. And yeah, that's what I was like, I said in the episode, no, but this is real. This is 100%, I relate to this a thousand times because there is a, it's just reality. You have to, at that age, you're not gonna be able to have the smarts or the awareness or the experience to be like, this little thing on the side is not gonna be as good as my girlfriend at home. But they might be. But they might be. And that's the problem. That might be is what makes you give it a try. That's the breast. In the wheel. That's why I would give it a try. And when I realized that it wasn't time after time after time, I just realized, you know, that's why. Because also the might be destroys the what is. Yup. Right. I think red flags of an avoided man is you gotta look at, because if he's avoiding the relationships, I guarantee you he's avoiding other areas of his life. I guarantee you he's been avoided in his career. He's been avoided. You could see the potential in him. You know, you know those guys that you see or those women that you see and you're like, you could be doing so much more, but you're refusing to go into it. And if you also see characteristics in their friendships and their situations around their family, you can kinda just see the other areas where they are avoided. And you can kinda have your head on a swivel when you start dealing with guys like that or when you start dealing with women like that. Just have your head on a swivel that like, yo, this guy doesn't like to commit to a lot of stuff. People who are avoidantly attached are often hyper attached or hyper devoted to other areas of their life. They just deep prioritize romantic relationships. So Steve Jobs is like a classic avoidantly attached person. He had a very hard time attaching to even his own daughter. That's because he was extremely devoted to his work. That's, yeah, that's a way that I never looked at it because I was an avoidant person and I was not successful at all. So I just felt like, you know. But you were also hyper devoted to work. All it is, the only way you could tell if someone's avoidantly attached, if you see that they deep prioritize romantic relationships, because they might even actually prioritize family relationships, but they just don't view romantic attachments as being a productive part of life. Yeah. Can I add to that? Because I actually have an avoidant attachment style and part of the reason why I had a hard time devoting myself to the romantic relationships was because I was afraid of the mirror effect. I was afraid of getting exposed by the woman. So I would avoid that. I wouldn't avoid work. I wouldn't avoid family stuff. I wouldn't avoid friendships. I would avoid the kryptonite, for lack of a better word, in a romantic relationship. So you're actually a fearful avoidant person though. Because you know how there's actually four attachment styles. And fearful avoidant are people who actually do want love and affection and attention. They do deeply crave those things. They do prioritize them. But they have in the back of their mind that if they do open themselves up to that, they'll get hurt inevitably. And avoidant person genuinely is like, if I had a conversation with a very big recording artist who genuinely believes with all their heart that if they get into romantic relationship, their music was gonna be shit after that. That's somebody who looks at it like, love takes away from the things I care about. Right. Yeah. And I think back to my times when I was, you know, heavy in my avoidant attachment styles, I didn't fear getting hurt. I just, I actually feared hurting the other person more than I feared myself getting hurt. So that's interesting. It's interesting thoughts. I wonder what my attachment style is. I'll figure that out. You can take a quiz. You can absolutely do a quiz. I'm gonna link my favorite free attachment style quiz in the info box. In addition to that, you can speak to a licensed professional therapist to help you understand yourself and the world around you. And if you're interested in doing that, I strongly suggest you consider better help. And if you do like what you see, when you go to BetterHelp, please go to betterhelp.com slash shambudy because that's how you get 10% off your first month. Thank you for watching this video. If you wanna see more, this is actually a piece of an hour-long episode I did on Enjoy the Podcast. And Enjoy the Podcast happens every single week. So search it up. We're every listen to podcasts. Unpack that self. Unpack that shit, champ. Yeah, Lee. Read that motherfucker. I think I, I think I...