 Ooh, okay, so I just went through my files on my camera and I saw that I filmed a video last night thinking about my luvars and I thought I'd give a proper intro. Don't let me try Don't let me try Hey what's up you guys, welcome back to my channel if you're new here. Hi, hello, my name is Lydia and I'm into health videos here on YouTube. Today's video is me talking about my use of benzodiazepam. Mainly luvarsopam. I've made various other videos talking about all the different medications that I've been on and take currently and just to throw this in so people can't. I'm not a professional, all my medication is moderated by trained professionals, my mental health team, my GP, and you know if you don't take stuff that you're not supposed to. Take what you doctor prescribed, you doctor knows more than me. Um, I just talk about my experience and share my life. I'm not saying therapy doesn't work, I'm not saying not to try therapy. I'm just simply sharing my experience and just because I use medication doesn't mean you should but it's also something that you could maybe use as a tool to, you know, open a conversation with a doctor. Like I said, I'm not a professional, I'm just sharing my experience with you guys and yes, I am pro-medication. I'm also pro-therapy, therapy to me don't really mix great so I don't do it. So I'm managing all my meds, that's fine. Okay for anyone to do whatever works for you works and that's just the important message that I forgot to put in last night because I was very, I want to say hyperactive but I wasn't really hyperactive, I was really tired but I was also just talking lip and life so apologies but enjoy. Best intro ever. Also keeping all this on my face. I got attacked in hospital, you know, like what are you gonna do? I can't really, like I could try, I could talk like that but it's a bit annoying and I'm not going to. Enjoy the video guys. What's going on in your lot? Welcome back to my channel. If you're new here, hi, hello, my name's Lydia and I haven't been to half videos here on YouTube pretty much every day. I realized that I've done a few medication videos and I haven't actually talked about one of the main medications that helped me get through a day. I haven't got a video on my channel talking about that and I was like how haven't I filmed a video already and also why haven't I filmed that already? Now I've got a video on my channel about diazepam, I've got a video about planazepam, I've not got a video talking about lorazepam and lorazepam is something that I take every day. I rely on it to get through a day. I take it four times a day, so I'm on one milligram, four set of points in a day and it works very well for minimising how I take it a day and also my anxiety is manageable on it. I do also take planazepam in combination with this and that does work for me and I know there are going to be some people commenting on this saying you can't be on benders long term, they only give you a few days' worth. Now I get a week's worth of medication at a time. I've got 28 lorazepam tablets. Is this what I need four times a day? You know that's just how medication works for me. Planazepam, I take 0.5 milligrams at once a day and so with lorazepam, I have got the information leaflet. I actually got this one as an inpatient because I asked, I've never actually read like the information leaflet that goes with lorazepam so like you're a read and just talk with you guys about it. This is a very real thing that's, but people are very anti-benzerized and I do understand it. Like don't worry, I'm not an idiot. I understand why people are against the use of benzo and I understand why people don't think they should be prescribed. However, people also need to know that these medications do work and they do help and they do affect people in different ways. Some people can take them long term and they work. Others can't. Person to person. This channel is about me sharing my experience. So lorazepam, also called ativan, is a benzer that has to be, is mainly used to help treat symptoms of anxiety. I find lorazepam extremely, and that is because I have very, very, very intense anxiety and I do get very paranoid. What comes to my paranoia is often I get agitated by things and, you know, I need something to calm me down and benzeraspenes are remarkable because of that. That's literally what they're used for in hospitals. When people are like, oh my god, I got injected, that's what people are injected with. They get injected with benzeraspenes, usually lorazepam, because it calms people down quickly. A few reasons, really, I know it's used in any, as a way of stopping seizures. Like, these are a very powerful group of medications. Obviously, I don't take it for seizures, I take it, you know, agitation, anxiety, that kind of thing, and that's okay. Loads of people do. Like, it's not something I'm afraid to talk about. Like, you guys know that I'm very pro-medication. Well, I am pro-medication, I think, especially for me. I'm someone who doesn't respond well to therapy. I'm someone who doesn't feel ready for therapy. Someone who, if I can take a tablet and have no anxiety for the day, I'll take that up. Yes, it's a quick fix, and no, it doesn't fix the root cause. I've never said medication well, and, you know, we all wish medication could do that, but it can't. But what medication can do is it can relieve the symptoms and make life liveable, and that is literally what I'm about. I take medications to get through it, and I know people are like, oh my god, you're just addicted to them, you know, they're addicted, you need to come off them. No way down. My medication is monitored by my GP and now mental health team. I was prescribed these medications while in hospital, by a psychiatrist who is very anti-benzo-resbian, and there's a whole other story about that, but don't get into that right now. The consultant on that war that I was in was very anti-benzo-resbian, and I'm quite the opposite, and I'm prescribed the opposite. Like, I used to take three benzos, and I stopped taking theirs upon the earlier this year because the effects that it had became a lot less, and it just, it didn't work well for me, it didn't work great. There was some side effects with it that I just couldn't deal with, and it stopped numbing me out. So when I say numbed out, I mean, it stopped me a few. I'm medication on that, the LaVaz-Pan, Macamaz-Pan. In combination, it numbs out the crisis level of my emotions. It makes my emotions very predictable. You know what you're going to get. If I haven't taken them, my friend's arena saw this happen, like I was in hospital, because I didn't have the LaVaz-Pan for a day, and I had a consultant and another staff member basically laying in to me, like, vividly attacking me, and I got so wound up, I turned and punched a fucking table. Like, what did the table do to me? You know, nothing. And then they kept going, and normally I'd never lash out at anyone, I'm not a violent person. My god, it's the last thing I want to put out there, like, I am not a violent person. The mental illness aren't violent, not on the whole. People obviously, oh, I'm not a violent person. They kept going one at me, and I walked over, picked up three books, and I just threw them at this fucking consultant, and I was like, I can't even remember what I said, but I was so angry, and that was the first time, like, my agitations ever got the best of me. Because I'm very good at, like, I can identify it, I know it, and when I experience it, I take a tablet, and gone. I didn't feel it on a very intense level. That's a bad thing, that's, I think, a well-BPD that we all forget. We feel emotions very intensely, so when I was dealing with agitation, and I wasn't on the medication, it just got worse and worse and worse, and I lashed out, and, you know, that's why I take medication to prevent that. And people would probably be like, oh, you can't take it forever. I will take it for as long as it works. I don't care that that leads to addiction, I don't care whether... I don't care about the side effects. I'd rather have the side effects for medication than be aggressive. Like, I would hate to be that person that's always aggressive. I couldn't do that, I would hate myself so much. I mean, I hate myself anyway, but I would literally hate myself even more if I was aggressive to people all the time, because I'm not a person. You know, I'm not a violent person. I'm not an aggressive person, I'm not a big person. I'm not really that scary, I'm 5'2", and I'm not very big. And I find that the medication does work extremely well for me, and I do know with those that it does not work well for, and I know that people, again, are very cautious to benzodiazepines, and don't really want to take them, but when you've tried other medications, like I've tried beta blockers, they send me fucking paranoid. I was on one while I was in hospital, and I was on one briefly before I went into hospital, and my paranoia got that bad that I managed to order pepper spray, and I climbed inside that cupboard onto the shelf that's in my cupboard, and I was just a very reassided paranoia. And that is why I can't take certain medications, that's why I do take benzodiazepines rather than say beta blockers, because benzos work better for me. I'm not saying they're the only option, I'm not saying medications are the only option, I'm just saying it's what works for me. I literally don't want to get hated on, I'm like, I try so hard not to get hated on, but I still get hated on, and it's annoying. It's not actually that many side effects that are listed on this, side effects, what happened, and what to do about it. It's a side effect, very common, sleepiness, dizziness, and yeah, then we go to uncommon, so 1 in 100 people might get these, aggression, headache, confusion, amnesia, rare but important paradox or reactions, which is rage, anger, hallucinations, and basically the opposite effect. Benzodiazepines are sedating, they make you feel like a zombie, and you know, like I said, I would much rather be a zombie than aggressive. I just would, and people are gonna be like, oh my god you're not taking the stairs again, I am, I just take all these medications for a while now, and they work. It's not like I'm on like the highest dose or anything, like, I think of lorazepam, you can get given 2.5 milligrams tablets, I think, didn't point me on that. I take one milligrams tablet, four times a day, that's literally what's right on that. 28 lorazepam, one milligram tablets, take four, take max four daily, warning, this medicine may make you feel sleepy. It doesn't actually, this lorazepam does not make you feel sleepy, it just mellows out my anxiety, and all these intense motions, and it makes me bubbly and happy, and the tablet has the power to do that, and it works, why would I not take it? Tell me that. Like, people are like, smoke cannabis instead. I never smoke cannabis, probably never will. I'd much rather stick to my prescribed medication, which is lorazepam. And yeah, people are like, oh, you're on medication, you know, you're BPD, you shouldn't be on meds. Literally, fuck off with that stigma, please. I don't even know what I'm doing right now, I'm so tired. I'm like, oh, how do my sleeping tablets? Like, I had one on the ground, oh my god, I didn't overdo it, I just took the tablets that I prescribed, I was prescribed, and I'm bling on about crap. No, no, I don't even upload this. Do you know how many videos I have that I never upload? It's actually unbelievable, but anyway, I should start recording and lie down, I could sleep, didn't lie down, you know. Night night, Lydia. Hopefully this is quite enough to prepare her in the morning, I'm still pissed off about that. Not the person who did it, just the fact that it's my face. Like, if it was there, if it was like hideable, I wouldn't care. Honestly, I just wouldn't, but because it's there, and I have no choice but to see it, and feel the pain of it on my face. Trust me, I have my hot water bottle. It's wrapped up in fucking scarf, because I haven't got to go before it. Oh my god, what is my life? I have a hot water bottle, but I don't have a go-over, so I wrapped up it in the scarf things I have. If you imagine it, oh, there's a police helicopter outside, and I feel more just full stop. No, when I feel less, like I'm about to keel over and fall asleep, I just snorted like a pig. Isn't life wonderful? Don't let me drown. Don't let me drown.