Written and performed by Zach Sherwin.
Directed by Ian Brownell.
Beatbox by Justin Zullo, music produced by Upryz.
Featuring Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) as himself
and Hayley Marie Norman (@xohayleymarie) as Miss Green Eyes.
Producers - Brad Simpson (Steel Wool Entertainment and Media, www.steelwoolmedia.com), Ian Brownell, and Zach Sherwin.
Editor - Ian Brownell
Director of Photography - Jess Dunlap
1st AC - Matt Nurre
Gaffer - Mike Lippi
Opening sequence DP - Ian Brownell
Special thanks: Jon Berkas, Ali Seraj and Isotope Networks.
Extra special thanks: Roseanne Blair, Ben Broidy, Jenny Broidy, Maura Brown, Maria Ciampa, Laura Clark, Charlene Conley, Chris Fleming, Petey Gibson, Amy Hawthorne, Laura Hayden, Rhiannon Houch, Virginia Jones, Victoria Murray, Zach Ramey, Brodie Reed, Tommy Rico, Deb Ruiz, Monika Scott, and Tim Vargulish.
I'm at the club scene where I met Miss Green Eyes
She said, "I can tell by the size of your schnoz
That you're Zach Sherwin, and I'm totally TWI!"
I said, "Oh, you're a Nas fan also? That's great!
We have so much in common!
We're clearly soulmates who were fated to date!"
She said "Hold up and wait.
I'm flattered -- you're coming in too fast and hot though.
You need to be more legato gelato."
I said, "What? Legato gelato?
That's a slang term whose meaning I do not know!
But I'm intrigued by the sound of it..."
She said "Well let me break it down a bit.
You might know the word 'legato' if you've ever studied music before
If you see it written down on a musical score
Then the composer is directing you
To play or sing all the notes smoothly and connected to the others
With no breaks in between
Now let me demonstrate a little bit and you can see what I mean."
She sang, "Laaa, laaa, laaa: that's legato.
Not, la-la-la; that's staccato.
The opposite of what legato is.
And don't tell me that you don't know what gelato is!"
I said, "Yes, I sure do, it's a dessert
That you gotta keep ice cold in the freezer
And now I'm no longer dazed and confused
Now I think I understand the phrase that you used.
Does it mean 'keep it chill?'" She said "Yep."
I said "Thought so. Smooth and cool! Legato gelato!"
Once again, it's legato gelato!
Smooth like legato, cool like gelato!
It's my new catchphrase, it's my new buzzword, it's my new motto:
And check this out: take the word "legato."
Now take the "l" and the "g" and switch the two spots
And look what you've got. Whoa!
"Legato" TURNS INTO "gelato!"
I said "Ok, I'm taking things slow and I get the lingo
Can I give you a ring?"
"No," she said, "I don't think so.
You came on too strong, I felt smothered and
I need a loverman
Who won't let me have the upper hand."
I said, "Nah, miss, you got it wrong.
You're a character I made up for my 'Legato Gelato' song.
You don't exist if I don't imagine you.
How 'bout that for high status, boo?"
She said, "Damn! Now THAT was legato gelato!
Way to step it up with that macho bravado!
Take me home now, you wild stallion,
But first do a victory lap rap as a finale, hon."
I said, "Okay, I'm smooth and glossy,
And frosty as autumn in Oslo
When the temperature drops as low
As the cost of shopping at Costco
Fluid and easy and keeping it cool
Like I'm eating a soup of gazpacho
'Cause I do it legato with a scoop of gelato."