 All right. Can everyone hear me in the back? All right, cool. All right, so my name is Major Hayden. I work for Rackspace. And I'm going to be talking a little bit today about imposter syndrome and how it affects open source communities. So how many people have ever heard the term imposter syndrome before? Oh, cool. All right, so most of the crowd. So we'll get right into it. And hopefully I know I'm between everyone getting to lunch, so hopefully we'll end a little bit early. And that way everybody could be first in line down there. So just a quick bit about me. Like I said, I work at Rackspace. A lot of what I do is building OpenStack Cloud. So it's orchestration, the deployment, the upgrades, the management. I've been working on OpenStack since Diablo. I do some things for Fedora Linux as well. I'm actually one of the few people who actually use SE Linux. Is any other Set-in-Force 1 people in here? All right, I got, all right, I got. Oh, use it. So I own way too many domain names, so please don't give me ideas. And this is the only slide I have with bullets, because I can't stand bullets on slides. So to get started, Impostor Syndrome is hard to define. It's hard to put a dictionary definition around this thing. You can go look on Wikipedia. You can go look in other places. But it's very hard to wrap something concrete around it. And I think one of the main reasons for that is that it affects people in different ways. So one thing that I've noticed is that sometimes Impostor Syndrome will only affect people at home. Sometimes it only affects them at work. Sometimes it only affects them at a big event like this, where you come and meet other people who do some of the same things that you do. Maybe they do more of it than you do. Maybe they do it in a different way. And sometimes people feel it in all situations. So I think for each person, it's a different depth. It happens at different times. And it happens for different reasons. And so with that, I've done a deeper dive on Impostor Syndrome, a super deep dive. And so there'll be links in the slides. So I'll put the slides up later today. And you'll be able to click in and go watch the video. The video is pretty horrible because it's one of the first public speaking engagements I did. Hopefully I'm getting a little bit better over time. So humans love stories, so I plan to use one. And this will help hopefully explain Impostor Syndrome to everyone. So for me, my epiphany around Impostor Syndrome happened after a promotion at work. So I was typically at Rack Space. I got started as just entry level Linux tech. Customer called, something's broken. Go fix it, update the ticket, done. You're out the door. Sometimes it's more complicated, sometimes less. Became a manager and then went back to being a software developer again. And then became a manager and then got asked to be a software developer again. And then finally at that point, I got an offer to go completely on the other side of the company. So I was going from a fast-paced product side of the business to what's traditionally called a cost center, so going to our corporate security department, which is a big change. And so for me, I felt like a fish out of water. I felt like an imposter from day one, even before I accepted the position. And really what it was is because I'd gone from wearing t-shirts, using Python, and sharing GIFs, and I call them GIFs, I'm sorry, as a Linux nerd and going to more button shirts, Harvard Business Review, and sharing meetings, and kind of the first level of executive leadership within Rack Space. And by the way, Harvard Business Review is fantastic, so I'm not saying anything negative about HPR. It's great if you're a manager or a developer or someone who just works with people, which I think all of us fit that category. But for me, I felt like a fish out of water. I didn't know how to operate at this level. Had I managed before, sure I'd managed before. Had I done technical things before, sure. Had I done security stuff, yeah, sure. Not all day, but this was something new. But then I didn't really know how to operate at that level within the company. There's all that influence and there's politics. Every company has politics there. And so finally, I think my boss got the attention of that. And he said, let's meet. And so to frame who my boss was like, he was from the northeast. I live in Texas. So in Texas, when we have issues with somebody, we kind of dance around the problem usually for a little while until they figure it out. And then northeast, they just come right out and tell you immediately. So he was a very unique boss for us to work with, but he was a great manager. And so he asked me all these questions about how I was doing and how things were going. And then finally towards the end, he gives me these two questions. And he said, major, what do you call someone with the confidence up here and confidence down here? So someone who feels very confident that they can do anything, but they really actually don't have the skills to do it. And so I thought about it for a minute. I thought, man, these are kind of the people in your group that kind of have a big head. Like they just feel like they can do everything, but they usually end up making a mess because they don't take the time to go and learn it. So I'm like letting this run through my head. And it was obvious from his facial expression that I was not giving him the answer in a time period that he wanted. So he's like a pain in my butt. Now, again, he was from the Northeast, so his language is a lot more colorful than this. So I'm toning it down for everybody. And so I'm sitting there. I'm like, oh, yes, sir, great. I'll take a note on that. And what I came to realize was if he has people on his team that report to him that don't have confidence, competence matchup, it causes problems for him. He doesn't know what his team can do. So I thought, well, that was an interesting question. Then he says, well, hey, major, what about this? He says, what do you do when you have someone with a confidence level up here, the things they know how to do and their confidence levels down below? I sat and thought about it for a second. And I said, well, those people are kind of like mopey. Like you kind of have to shove them along to get to that next thing. You know they can do it. They just won't admit that they can do it. And he said the same freaking thing. And again, of course, he's from New Jersey, so he used a very different word right there. So I'll just, I'll leave that there. But what I came to realize is that both of those for him were super irritating because he knew that people could do more than what they were capable of doing. And he wanted people whose confidence and competence were matched up. Because it gave him an idea of exactly the team he had built, who he needed to hire for, if he needed to move people, transfer them, promote them. And without that, he was lost. So as we start thinking about imposter syndrome around this, Wikipedia calls it a psychological phenomenon that occurs when your competence and confidence are not aligned. So if you really think about this here and tear the word phenomenon apart, this is a word that means you can see something happening, you know it's happening, but you have no idea why the heck it's happening. So a good example of this is the first time astronauts went in space and lit a match. It had this strange blue semicircle over the top. And the astronauts were like, what the heck is this? They could see it, they could take pictures of it, they could share it with other people, but they had no clue why there's this strange aura over the top. So it was a phenomenon to them. And that's what imposter syndrome is for us. And so it's a form of cognitive bias. If you don't know about cognitive bias, I'll go ahead and work through that one. So Wikipedia calls this one a fairly long definition here. But there's two pieces that are important, and I've bolded those. So it's a systematic pattern of deviation. So a deviation is when you've gone off a track. A pattern is when you kind of go off the track the same way every time. And systematic means you pretty much go off the track in the same pattern every time. And the second half of that when it talks about inferences about other people and situations may be drawn in an illogical fashion. So that means you're going off the track on a regular basis in the same way. And the reason you're doing that is completely illogical. There's nothing around you that actually pushes you in that direction. It's something your brain is doing to you. So long story short, your brain's biased. All of our brains are biased to some extent. I love VI. Emax scares me. My brain is biased towards that. I used to use Nano as well. But this time, it's biased against you. Your brain is doing something illogical, and it's hurting you, and it's hard to dig out of that problem. And so there's a quote, and I wish Florian Hoss was here because he could pronounce this fellow's name much better than I could. But what he says is, nothing is so difficult as not deceiving oneself. So if you really break that apart, what he's trying to say there is oftentimes we tell ourselves a lie, and we believe it. And then later on, if someone comes to us and says, you're believing that lie, we kind of revolt against that. I don't know how many of y'all have seen a recent oatmeal cartoon about that. Probably a few people have. All right, there we go. If you get a chance, go read that one. There's a kid-approved version and an adult-approved version of that one. And so some people say, well, I'm just humble. Like, it's not imposter syndrome. I'm just humble. And so I feel like this is something completely different. And so when someone gives people praise and they're humble, they say something like this. They accept the praise. They say, hey, this is a great accomplishment, but I couldn't have done it with the help of my team. That's totally fine. That's being humble. That's saying, hey, look, I accept your praise, but guess what? It wasn't just me. Like, I had help. That's fine. That's completely healthy. And that's something we really should be doing more often in open-source communities. But someone with imposter syndrome would have this I'm not worthy-type moment. So they would get in a war. They'd get some kind of praise and feel like, man, I didn't earn that. Or that really wasn't me. Or anybody could do this. This is junk. And so imposter syndrome is not limited to any particular group, no matter your age, your race, your gender, where you come from, what you work on, your experience level in anything. Personally, I don't know how to change oil on a car. I don't know how to do that. So if you throw me in an auto shop, I'm probably not going to do that. But then if you say, hey, my Linux box won't boot, I'm like, great. OK, I can help you out with that. And even programming languages, imposter syndrome affects everyone. I watch people code in Rust. And it's the most amazing thing I've ever seen. But I bet there's people that code in Rust and feel that as well. Also, those of us that set in force one, we still have imposter syndrome from time to time. Usually just not about AC Linux. And so the real thing, and the real thing I'm trying to drive home, is that imposter syndrome drives diversity away from your community. Because I think when people arrive at the community and they know they are from a group that maybe is not well represented in that group, they'll feel kind of that double imposter syndrome. So it's like, it's an uphill battle already. But now I feel even more like an imposter on a different level, because of the groups that I'm from or my experience, that kind of thing. And so what I'd like to suggest is maybe we imagine a future where we stop fearing it. So does it have to be scary? Does it have to feel like a trip to the upside down? Anybody seen Stranger Things? All right, cool. I'm not giving anything away. But maybe it doesn't have to feel like we're in another dimension where things don't match up. We can change this. And there's a generator online, so you can make your own. So I've done this with OpenStack a couple of times. Don't tell the foundation, but. So you have to imagine yourself as a catalyst for change in your community. And I think there's a key point. There's a reason why I chose the word catalyst. Has anybody done chemistry classes at some point and learned about a catalyst? OK, there's a couple of important things. Number one, a catalyst can make a reaction go faster. It can make it take less energy. It can bring a higher yield. It can do all these great things. But the one key thing about a catalyst, to be a catalyst, it cannot be consumed in the reaction. So when you go and change your community, that cannot consume you. You can't get dragged into a bad place. You can't get dragged into being like, oh, he's the imposter syndrome fixer. Send that person to him. You're a catalyst. You move the reaction further, but you're not consumed in it. And so if you ask, how the heck do I get started? You have to master the confidence and competence alignment spectrum. And now there's no scientific, medical, or anything. But I found if you put spectrum on the end of something, it makes it much more academic sounding. So if we think about this graph, and if you look on the left side, it's opposite for me. So if you look on the left side, you have low confidence to high confidence. And then if you run across the bottom on the left, you'll have low competence. And on the right, you'll have high competence. And so kind of look at this like a ratio. Don't try to put numbers on it. Just kind of look at it as a ratio. So if you go way out there at the bottom right, you see imposter syndrome. So that's someone where their ratio of competence to confidence is high. So they actually do a lot of things. But the confidence in their ability to do it is low. If you shoot way up to the top left, you end up in an area called Dunning-Kruger. And there's books on that. You can go read Wikipedia articles on that. And that's where you get to the point where someone's confidence level is dangerously high. So this is the type of person that says, hey, I'm a student pilot, but I could probably go fly a 737. It's like the same thing. There's like pedals and engines and stuff. No, it's different. So these are sometimes the people on your team that say, sure, I'll go take care of that server. And then they come back 10 minutes later and they're like, it's on fire. And so really what you're thinking about is staying in a safe zone that's in the middle. And everyone just kind of flows through this section. That's the healthy place to be. And so I've been told that fake it till you make it doesn't translate in other languages very well. So really what we're saying here is maybe you get promoted into a job where you have a lot of the capabilities that you need. But you're going to have to stretch your competence. So some people say, you know what? I'm just going to get in there. I know part of this. I'm going to do it. And then I'll learn how to do the rest. And that's kind of what fake it till you make it is. And then, of course, unsure is someone who has the ability to do it, but they're not quite sure if they can make it all the way through. And so that's kind of the people who just need a little bit of prodding to get back to the middle. And so then you see just right in the middle. And there's something special about just right, is that it's completely unattainable. And if you find yourself there, you're not growing. There's something wrong. You're not learning. You're not growing. You're not exposing yourself to something that's hard. So that's almost like a completely separate talk that can go off in another direction. But just focus on being within that safe zone. So for us, luckily, we have a framework that makes it easier to stay in that safe zone. So how many people have heard of UDA before? I'm sure I got some former government or Air Force folks in here. So it's a framework that was created back in the Air Force to deal with jet fighter planes. So obviously, if you have a propeller plane, we're talking about like World War II aeroplanes, they're pretty quick, but it's nothing compared to a jet. And then, of course, munitions got better. There were better cannons. There were missiles. There was radar. So there's all these challenges. And so they needed something that pilots could have that was second nature. So they created this loop with four pieces, observe, orient, decide, and act. And so that way, a pilot, as soon as they were faced with any kind of danger, could assess it, make a decision, act, and then keep going through that loop over and over again. It almost became second nature, like their brain had kind of like two threads going at the same time. And so we can use this for ourselves to deal with imposter syndrome in ourselves and in others as well. So the first step is observing. And I've highlighted an important part here. And this is where you ask your question, how do people you trust react to your ideas, plans, and performance? There's an important part of people you trust. If you don't trust a person, then that's probably not someone that you want to observe when you're proposing something or when you're going into a meeting. But find the people that you trust. And when you go in that meeting and you say, hey, look, folks, I think we ought to do this thing and do this thing. If the response comes back where someone says, this is great, we should have been doing this a year ago. And you went into that meeting with the feeling like, oh man, this is a terrible idea. No one's going to like it. Then make that observation. If you go into a meeting and you propose something, everyone's on their phones or they're looking out the window or they're trying to figure out what they're going to eat for dinner or something like that, then obviously you've got a different observation there. That could be something where people in the room don't think you're competent enough because of how you're carrying yourself or maybe you're new in the role, something like that. So from there, you have to orient yourself. So you take that measurement that you got when you observed, and then you go back and take what you felt before you went into it. So going back to that example, if you felt like, man, this idea is probably not that great. I'm going to go in and propose it because my boss is going to get mad if I don't have anything. And you go in and everyone's like, oh man, that's great. What you brought is like a Lego brick, and then we can stack this on top and make a product, and then there's this offering and this partnership. Then that's a great opportunity to say, whoa, wait a minute, I came in way too low. And everyone in that room was much more confident in me than I was. And you have to measure that difference. And then next, you have to decide. So there's two critical parts here. You decide about part of your behavior that you want to change. That's usually the easy part. The other part is how do you make it a habit? So you have to make it part of the Oodaloop for yourself. You have to almost have that thread going in your head where you can say, this is not really a conscious thing that I'm doing. This is just a habit that I bring into play. And then finally, you act. So you commit to the plan and there's no turning back. And then all the feedback that you get, you funnel into the loop. So as an example, something that I've done from time to time, especially when I've been in a new role or I've been proposing something in a new area, I'll go to somebody that I trust and say, hey, let's go to lunch. And I'll say, OK, here's the challenge we're facing. Here's what I'm proposing and why. And here's the details on it. You know, what do you think? And just get the honest feedback from that person. And you'll find nine times out of 10 that your overall idea is great and you're on the right path, but maybe you need tweaks. And every once in a while, you'll get kind of that thing where your friend looks at you and thinks you're absolutely crazy. But that's usually something separate. But this is the opportunity to take that action and just say, hey, look, for the next few months or whatever that I'm in this new role, I'm going to go talk to this person that I trust and get input before I actually go into the group. And I'm going to use that to help orient myself and improve the way I look at myself and get my confidence and competence in line. So the OODA loop works great for helping others, too. You know, as I didn't say, use the OODA loop on someone. Like, always check with them first. But it could be a really good opportunity where you go into a meeting and someone's coming in to present. And maybe they just present it in such a way that it feels like they don't even believe in themselves. Catch up with them after the meeting and say, hey, look, when I was in that meeting, I saw you. I knew you've got great expertise in this area. But you just like, you didn't bring it. You know, what's up? So I'll get into details on how to do that at the end. And so the next question I'd love to ask is, what does success look like? So do we eliminate imposter syndrome? Do we make it palatable? What do we do? So we can't eliminate it. It's something within all of us. I think it's something that goes back to the, you know, original, like, caveman-type times. You know, there's certain things that you look at and you say, wow, I can't do that. And that would be very dangerous if I did that thing. These are things that are just in our brain all the time. If you're interested to look up details on the amygdala in your brain, it's very entertaining and also very scary. But what I'd like to propose is a quote. And so it says, pain is inevitable and suffering is optional. And so what I'm trying to say here is that imposter syndrome is kind of like a train coming down a track. Like, you know it's coming. You hear the whistle and everything. But you could choose if you want to suffer from it. That's your choice. And only you can make that choice. So what you have to do is recognize it, know that it's coming, say, wow, I'm in a new role. I've got that imposter feeling going on right now. How do I embrace this and then own it? And so just say, like, you may have to go into a meeting and say, hey guys, like, feel totally like an imposter in this particular situation. But here's my proposal and this and that. And there's other people in the group that'll say, no, man, you're on track. Or you're not on track. Or here's a suggestion. But the key thing is only you can choose to stop the suffering. Nobody else can. Like, no one can help you over this hump. You have to do it yourself. And so I always like to throw in a little reality check as well. Some people will not be thrilled about helping. So I'll say, I've been a developer. I've been a sysadman. I've been a manager. I don't know a whole lot of developers that love touchy-feely stuff. And I mean HR appropriate touchy-feely, like emotions and things like that. Yes, we developers are a crazy bunch. But there's certain people who would say, look, that's not in my job description. I don't talk to people. I'm not a friend, like this kind of thing. So some people will say, I write code. I don't have time for this. I got patches to merge. There's like 56 reviews going on. I just don't have time for this mess. But in the end, your code is worth nothing without that community. If you don't have a community that's growing, if you don't have a community that's engaged, if you don't have a community that's diverse, if you don't have a community that's opening bugs and using the product and finding the edge cases and things like that, then why do you write the code? That's the question. So make investments in those people. It's important. And as I'll say in a minute, the investments are actually very small. And so some people say, well, I'm not a psychologist. I'm not a medical doctor. How am I going to figure this whole thing out? Well, here's a question. If we went outside right now to go get a beer, which I would love to do, and we saw someone fall over a curb outside, would you stand back and say, oh, I'm not a medical doctor or an emergency room physician or a nurse or anything, so I'm just going to just walk off and let them figure that out? No. You're going to go over there and say, hey, are you OK? Help them up. Grab their bag and stuff. That's called being human. You don't have to be an emergency room physician to go help somebody up to just fell down. Same thing goes with this. Just be a human. And that's a good way to keep it simple. And so what I'll end with is just one email, just one IRC message, just one code review comment might be all that someone needs. And so I'll say a good example of this. I work a lot within the OpenStack Ansible community. And so we had someone that was going to come to one of our meetings, and they had a great use case. And we're like, hey, come share it with us, because you can describe it better than we can. And it turns out that person attended the meeting, the little thing at the beginning where everyone's like, hey, showed up and did that part. But they never talked throughout the entire thing. We went to open floor, went to all that. And they went to the person afterwards and said, man, you're fantastic. Like, why didn't you bring the use case that you were going to bring? And they said, well, I didn't know where to jump in. The group was doing all this, and I felt like you guys really know what you're doing, and I can't keep up. And I was like, OK, look, we're doing the next meeting. We're going to schedule a 10-minute slot for you, and it's going to be right up front, and we're going to call you out because we really want your input. And it turns out that was enough. Like it was really just getting that person in there and saying, you got the floor. We invited you here. We love what you want to talk about. Come on down. And then we ended up having a great conversation. So sometimes it's just one thing. Just one IRC message reaching out and saying, hey, where are you? Or, hey, we expected something on this. Or, hey, your input is valuable. Just anything like that. And sometimes it's a code review comment. A good example was I was working with a new contributor, and they put in a Keystone patch and got a minus 2. And he was just like, I'm just going to have to quit OpenStack. I've got a minus 2. It's red. It's in bold. And I was like, it's just a minus 2. And you're like, well, how many minus 2s have you gotten? And I was like, I don't know, six or seven. But my first patch, is it the first one? And I got a minus 2. And I was like, well, let's go take a look at it. And it turned out what it was was he fixed a bug and he fixed it appropriately. But his explanation of how he fixed it was just really bad. And so then we took a look at it. And I said, well, hey, why don't you explain, like, one, two, three, four, what your patch does, and maybe add a line of comments. And he put it back in. And then sure enough, someone reviewed it and said, hey, this is a lot better than the one you had before. Like, I fully understand where you're going. And now based on that, hey, let's steal this code from over here and put it in. So then it was all this communication started happening. So sometimes it's just that one thing to reach out and talk to somebody. So now you have the tools. So I've given you the tools to go do this stuff. So to recap, first off, be able to recognize the signs in yourself and recognize it in others as well. And then find a way to live the oodle-loob and teach other people how to live the oodle-loob, because it's very fun, especially in stressful situations. And then finally, stop the suffering. And remember, only the person that's suffering can fix it. You can help them get there, but you can't take them there. Kind of like when I take one of my children and go to the restroom. I can get them there, but I don't know if they're going to go. So it's time for you to build a path for yourself and for others in the community. It'll improve diversity. It'll improve the experience of the contributors that come by. It'll bring new contributors on board that you never thought about. You might be able to merge with other projects. There's tons of good things that can come from it. And so with that, I'm all set. And if you all have questions, I'll be happy to answer them as best I can. Thanks. And if you have questions, I think there's microphones. Or you can yell, and I'll just repeat it so the video can get it. Yeah, yeah. So the comment was it doesn't cost anything to be nice. So if you see something good, oftentimes we're reviewing code where minus one do this and all this. But when someone does something really great, just tell them. Or ask who their manager is. Or if you know who their manager is, send them something. Because I'll tell you what, there's no better praise than having your manager show up and say, man, someone in the community loves you or you did a thing and whatever. It's good and free. How did you hear about that individual that needed a little more confidence and help a little personal touch on that minus two to get them to revisit and keep at it? How did you find that person? How do you find that generally in the community? Well, so that particular person needs help. OK, yeah. So how did I find the person that got the minus two and helped them through it? So for that particular one, it was someone in the office. And they basically just grabbed me as I was walking down the road. So that made it a little bit easier. But I think sometimes finding people like that in the community, sometimes what I've done is someone puts in a patch. And it's interesting, but it's going in a very strange direction or something like that. Or maybe someone puts in a patch and they get a negative review and they don't come back and add anything else to it. I'll just try and dig up an email or try and figure out what their IRC handle is and then just say, just reach out to them privately. Sometimes I'll find two is that, and it's probably happened to everyone at some point, you'll get the random private messages from someone you've never talked to, but they've alerted in the IRC channel for a year. And you're like, oh yeah, I saw your username a long time ago. And sometimes it's folks that are just afraid to go in the main channel and talk about it. We had someone that showed up and said, hey, have you guys ever thought about doing SUSE support and OpenStack Ansible? And it's like, yeah, why don't you ask in the channel? Well, I didn't want to upset anybody. I'm like, we got a channel, just come on in and talk. And so yeah, and that turned into a huge project for us. All right, what else? So the question was, some communities are more welcoming than others. And sometimes you may observe leaders in a particular open source community doing the opposite of what you'd expect and not being terribly friendly to people within the group for different reasons. OK. So I'm one of those people where I think the feedback has got to be quick. It's terrible when you get dinged with feedback like three days later, when someone's like, hey, that thing you said on Thursday last week really made me mad. And I'm like, were you just festering all weekend over this thing that made you upset? Just tell me immediately. So I think what it's got to be is the feedback's got to be immediate, but it's got to be in such a way that it's constructive. So I don't know. I think it depends on how well you know the person. So if it's someone that works for your company or someone you've met at a summit, it seems like you could just reach out in a private message and say, hey, that person was really trying to improve things, and maybe they're going about it the wrong way, but I think the way you approached it was it could have been better. Or like, here's what I would have done. And sometimes what I do is I'll just go set the example. So if I see someone being completely rude to somebody else, I'll just be that person's friend. I'm just like, hey, ignore so-and-so. What do you got? Like, what's the problem? Do you have logs or something like that? So that's happened sometimes. It's happened in the Fedora community a couple times. We've got some people that I think probably stay up way too late fixing Linux issues, and they're just kind of crotchety at some points of the day. And so we've kind of worked with some of them to say, all right, come on, these are new people. Like, let's work through it. So really, I think it's got to be feedback that's quick. Can I just add to that, if it's an open stack, that's also what the stewardship working group exists for, is to collect feedback from the community on how leaders are doing and also help people practice leadership stuff, just so you know. Cool. All right, anything else? I hate staying in between everybody and lunch. All right, well, thank you all very much.