 Bismillah. The first thing I think I wanted to say with this dynamics, family dynamics, and related to the frame from Islam, I mean, clearly everyone is going to go straight to the discussion related to Bidr al-Wali Dayn or the righteousness to parents. And this is not a Bidr al-Wali Dayn talk, rather it's more of a talk related to what do we do when we're so used to a specific, you know, set of a certain amount of autonomy, we're sort of not getting that at the moment. A lot of questions that came in had to do with not feeling like you had enough of your own space, you know, and as time went on from like childhood into your adolescence, into now young adults, there's been more and more autonomy, more and more space, but you're sort of not all stuck in one location. And that's for many people seems to be one of the biggest issues. So let me talk to that first and talk to these different dynamics. I like those of you who've heard me speak know that I really like to talk in geometrical shapes, right? Maybe it's just my more scientific, mathematically oriented brain. But honestly, I think it's very useful for me to think about, in this case, the example I want to give our circles. So if you think with me about co-centric circles, right, think about a little bitty circle in the middle and it keeps growing out into bigger and bigger and bigger, bigger circles. You following me? Yes, tiny little circle and all the way out circles within circles. And so when I think of families, and I think of dynamics, I always think of these circles. And at the core of any circle is you, the individual. And at that core is not just you alone, but you and your relationship with the loss of panel data at the core. That's really the main place that we start this conversation. And then the next circle out is going to be, and these remember, these are circles of priorities. So you and a loss of power at the core. And then the next circle out, if you are still at home, which many of you at the moment are at home, the next circle out are the parents, right? The circle after them come the siblings, for those who have siblings. And then after that comes the rest of your extended family, then come friends, then come the community, your local community, then comes more of a national community, if you will, then comes the larger umma of Islam, sisters and brothers in our faith. And then comes all of humanity. You following that? How far out we went? Yes. And for many people here, I mean, a lot of you that are here, part of MSA West, for example, or affiliated, many of you are Mashallah activists, you're out there doing great work, you're interested in, you know, not only just community affairs, but also global affairs, you're doing a lot of great and a lot of good work, inshallah, or at least your heart is there and you really want to do a lot of that work. But what I find is people tend to unfortunately skip circles and go into one circle or spend a lot of time maybe like, you know, a disproportionate amount of time in one circle instead of another. And that causes a lot of strain on relationships. So when we look at right now, how we're sheltered at home and all sort of stuck in this one place, even though for those of you who are away for college and school, you were, you know, you're spending a lot of time with the maybe three or four circles out, maybe like your friends and colleagues and so on. Not so much with parents and siblings, unless it was like vacations. But now you're kind of like thrust in that situation where you're right there in those inner core circles again, the way you might have been when you were younger children. And that feels a little different and maybe a little uncomfortable because you're kind of like, wait, I need my space, I need my time, I need my own, I'm my own personnel, I have my own thoughts, you know. And when you get back into the place where you're with parents and many of you will notice this, I mean, let's be honest, it doesn't matter how old I get, I still feel this is my parents every time I visit them, right. It's in their eyes, I'm still Little Rania. And that never goes away. It doesn't matter what titles and what fanciness and what, you know, respect other people might give. In my parents eyes, I'm Little Rania, right. So they'll say things like, you know, pick up this or comment about how my room looks or whatever till today, it does not go away. And that's really important to understand. It doesn't stop, right. And one thing when your parents, I think you'll get this too. You'll start to sort of understand this too, as much as you don't like it, where it's like you'll always still see your child as a child, you know, despite their age. It's not 100% accurate, but it's something that's a human nature type of thing that we always continue to be parents after we have children, no matter how old our children get. So not making excuses for the parents, but rather just trying to explain what's happening there. And then if you look at these circles, right, a lot of what's happening here when we talk about priorities is again, trying to work within other circles, right, or spend more time in other circles when the priority actually is whoever's right immediately in front of you. And I'll give you an example. This circles of concern that I'm talking about these co-centric circles are relevant as long as you're not married. But as soon as you're married, this circle is actually shift. So that inner core that was you in a lost plantata always stays with you in a lost plantata. And then when you go to the next circle out, once you're married, it becomes a spouse. And that actually takes precedence over parents. And parents wig out when I say this, they get really upset with me, but that's our Dean. That's actually how it's created. And once you have children, if you're blessed to have them, they actually take the next, the third circle out and they kind of push the parent circle and the sibling circle even further out. And again, parents don't like to hear this because they're like, no, we're always the priority. But the reality is in front of the in the eyes of a lost plantata, it actually turns out that the bonds of not that not that the spouse becomes more important than the parent. Don't misunderstand me, but the rights of what you have to give on a daily basis goes directly to the person that you're living with and that you're most responsible for. So in that light, if you are currently at home or your parents, then it goes without saying they become again, that core that right the second layer out the core responsibility. So the reason I wanted to give this theoretical model to start off with, before we even begin to get into the questions of the grade of it all is to explain kind of Islamically, at least in the eyes of a lost how he sees our priorities, where he wants us to be spending the most time. And so for many people, this is actually a relief. Some of the students yesterday were telling me that they're so one of them held up a bowl of apple slices and said, well, at least I get to eat regularly, you know, that's silver linings, right? My mom keeps checking on me and giving me food. That wouldn't have happened if I was in my dorm, you know, wash all off. But in other cases, it hasn't been such a blessing. It's been kind of a really difficult thing because maybe the relationship with the parents was already difficult. Right. And now that you're in that same space, it's really manifesting itself. So what here and I are going to talk about today, I want to be very clear about this, we're talking in generalities, we're talking in, you know, best case scenarios, we're talking in things that we hope are, you know, in general helpful to everybody, but certainly not going to deal with custom tailored answers to your specific case in question. That's what therapies work. That's what I think having somebody who's working with you one-on-one knowing your specific case is going to be more important. So if it seems really general, it's purposeful because we don't know each and every one of your cases. But I did want to share that circles of concern just to give us a framework to work with. Now, in that circles of concern, you notice the key and core, you know, part, they're right in the middle is you and a loss of panel data. And for many of you who've asked for, I need, in the question said, I really need space and time. My folks are not understanding that. Right. My siblings are not understanding that. This goes back to priorities again. So where do parents mess up? Where we mess up is we're not giving them the priorities they need. So they become clingy. Yes, parents can become clingy too. Just like little kids. They do, in fact. Right. They're like, you're home. Right. And so, and that shows in every way from come sit with me and talk with me, right, or just entering into your room and space all the time and or it manifests itself into like, you know, come make dinner with me or simply make the dinner or it manifests into very differently where it actually manifests into like nagging you and wanting to get into your business, wanting to ask everything that you're doing constantly in your, you know, space. And a lot of that you have to figure out you have to read between the lines. And if you haven't been home much, or even if you live at home, but don't spend a lot of time with them. And they're like, yes, you're sheltered at home. You're stuck here with us. You know, there is a sense of them from them of, of wanting your time. I mean, a lot of that nagging actually is them wanting quality time with you, but they don't know how to say it properly. Exactly. So it either comes out as, you know, again, nagging, or it comes out as being demanding of your time. So sometimes we find that if you actually just sit down and like really have a heart to heart, for those of you who've ever attempted to do this, some of your parents are great at this. Some of them are terrible at this, right? But if you try to really get to the bare bones of it, you're going to find that a lot of it is just they simply miss you and they want your time, you know, or they want company, maybe it's a little more selfish, like they want company or they want somebody to be with them in that cooking space that they're whatever cooking, cleaning, doing whatever chores, and they just miss not having anybody there anymore. And now you're there. So they kind of latched onto you. So think about that a little bit too, when you think about people being in your space. But in the first core circle, you want to last panel to add, I always tell people this, one of the most important things that I find, you know how when you're on your prayer rug and you're praying, you know, unless unless it's a little bitty toddler, people know to leave you alone. They know they can't interrupt you while you're praying. Yes, you follow me? True? Well, there's another trick here, because I mean, the trip wouldn't be praying like three hours in a row because then your parents will get really super suspicious, right? Because it's not that way yet. Okay. But where they would, you know, where it does actually help is if you have a visual cue, and those of you who know that I really like to talk about Atticaf and especially a woman's Atticaf and going into like your spiritual seclusion, your spiritual space, and for the men who can't be at the message right now to do Atticaf, because women can do it at home, but men can't. But for both men and women, we're able to do Khalwa, which is essentially the same concept of Atticaf, but it's not within the message. It's just in your home. And Khalwa just means taking spiritual seclusion or spiritual space. But if your folks, your siblings, whoever's at home, sees the visual cues, they see your prayer rug out, they see this corner that you've set up with like your, you know, you know, maybe you've got your water bottle and you've got your snacks, but you've also got your prayer beads, you've got your moustache, you've got all your religious paraphernalia. Okay, you've just got a corner, right? You've got a nice little corner there. And when they see you go into that space and kind of spend time there connecting with your Lord, they kind of know, oh, okay, they're doing their spiritual thing. All right. And the nice thing about Atticaf, for those again who currently talk about this concept, and if you haven't, you can always visit the Rahmah Foundation's lectures, where I actually speak on how exactly you do this. It turns out you can actually study and work within an Atticaf space as well. Okay. So you can do a little bit of dunia wee things, right? Little business, little secular things, school related things. And so you may have your school books there, you may have your other things there, but you're in that space. And in that space, it's kind of understood like, just like we don't interrupt you in prayer, we're not going to interrupt you in that space. So I give people that suggestion and say, have a visual cue, because as long as you're sitting there at a desk or sitting there on a couch or sitting there even in your room, and it's your parents, they're going to just sort of come in and out and not really have that cue to understand like, this is my time in my space. Unless you're like, I have a final tomorrow. And then hopefully they'll study for a bit. But this is another suggestion of how to do that. The more importantly than giving yourself space from the others around you, is you connecting with a lost panel. I find a lot of people are very restless. They're really anxious. And this time, there's a lot of fear, a lot of uncertainty, a lot of the fear of the unknown, like what's going to happen next. And the calming nature of being able to have that space where you're contemplating on why Allah sent this in the first place actually helps quite a bit. And when you're calmer, and you're more centered, you're able to help with, you're able to deal better with the other family dynamics going on around you. Okay. So when you're not as agitated as soon as your sibling says something really rude, or comments on how you've gained weight over the past semester or whatever, you're able to hold on to your nerves and hold on to your temper without completely flaring up because you're able to, you've had that kind of calm space and you're not as easily triggered by all the dynamics around you. So it's, again, I'm speaking broad strokes here, really theoretical and we're going to get to the practical here, but I hope these were a couple of like practical points in the midst of all this. The last thing I'm going to say before I hand it off to Hera, is I want to talk a little bit about, again, Islamic point of view, related to parents and children. And here, and honestly, siblings fit in here too, but one of the most important things that comes up is, again, managing being an adult child of your parents. Because when you were a little child of your parents, they were in full control. But as soon as you start becoming an adult child, you are now an adult, you have autonomy, but in, again, in their eyes, you're just a child and negotiating that autonomy is a really difficult thing. And for many people, I think it's important as you're trying to find yourself, become who you are, come into your own, you're having a lot of opinions and strong stances that your parents don't always have or agree with. You're fighting for causes that they're not at all interested in, in fact, they might even ridicule them. So what do you do when you have these deep differences? It could be religious, it could be orientation, thinking about the world and framework, the world and how it functions. It could be related to friendships, so on and so forth. When you have these deep differences with them, what do you do exactly? And I think here is really important to understand the stages of development, Islamically speaking. And this goes back to the saying of Sayyidina Ali, Karamallahu Wa Jahu, where he says what all of you know, inshaAllah, is the stages of sevens. So he says, play with them as in like parents should play with children until they're from age zero to seven, and then they should be disciplining them from seven to about 14 or so, so your early teens. But then from your essentially, what is your mid-teens, onto right into adulthood, which all of you are in that kind of transitional stage right now, and transitional stage literally just means about 18 to 25 in that age range. That stage, right, is the stage of friendship. And what that means is it's not that your parents can't discipline or can't give you a piece of their mind, because parents will continue to do such a thing, mashallah. But they're meant to be much more in the friends category, respectfully so. So just like how you're respectful with your friends, but you have a certain amount of boundaries that you put right, same has to be with parents. There's a certain amount of extra boundaries that start to build up, not these huge, huge gaps between you and your parents, because that's not what you do with your friends, right? Your friends, you bring them close to you, right? And you actually have conversation with them, but there's still a certain amount of boundary when you say, I need to go to sleep now. I need some time alone now, right? They understand those things. And when you have a really down moment, you can actually confide in them. And when you're anxious about something, you tell them when we're really happy about something, you also talk to them. That's the ideal relationship between adult children and parents. That's the ideal relationship. So when you think about it Islamically, it means you can disagree. You don't have to hold the same stances, but it's incredibly respectful. They're still close, but have a boundary. That's how Islam views this adult child, which all of you are in, parent relationship. Do you see what I'm saying? So now that we've talked about the theoretical, okay? Insha'Allah, I'll hand it over to Hira here to talk a little bit more about the practical and then we'll come back together and fill in the gaps of your specific questions. Insha'Allah. Thank you, Dr. Ania. Can you guys see me and hear me? Perfect. Okay, great. We're going to go ahead and talk now a little bit about practical counseling, psychology-based tools on dealing with our parents and family dynamics. So for my piece, I'm just going to talk for about five to 10 minutes. Insha'Allah. And I'm going to ask you guys, actually, if you are able to, I'm going to ask you guys some interactive questions. So if you have your chat open, feel free to respond to me there. I want to get your guys's juices flowing for this part. So I'll start by just continuing a little bit of what Dr. Ania had shared, which is about Bidr-ul-Wali-Din. We know as Muslims that Allah says in the Qur'an, and I'll just share the ayah with us. And your Lord has decreed that you worship none other than Him, and that you be dutiful towards your parents. Okay, so Allah swt has told us, right after Tawheed, we're shipping none other than Allah, that we are to be dutiful towards our parents. And something that I always tell folks in relationships with our parents as a therapist, I say we need to know the rights of our parents. Once we know the guidelines and the rights based on our deen, we are better able to know the framework from which to approach our parents, no matter what we're going through in life. And Dr. Ania mentioned Bidr-ul-Wali-Din. So there's an awesome book that I want you guys to actually consider getting, if you don't have it, or studying online. It's called The Rights of Parents by Imam Mollud, and it's translated by Sheikh Rami Nasur. So later sometime in the webinar in the chat, I'll just give you guys the name for all of you to see. But what I have actually found is when we know the guidelines and the limitations within Islam of how to communicate with our parents, we have an easier time and a structure and some guidance on how to especially have those difficult conversations. With them. And so one thing that I just want to state from our faith is that, you know, as we know, our parents have rights over us, and we have rights over them. However, we are bound to fulfill the rights of our parents, regardless of whether or not they have fulfilled our rights. Okay. This is something each and every one of us has to know. Even if our parents have not fulfilled our rights, or have been harsh with us, or they are having shortcomings or doing something that is not in the most ideal fashion, we are still obligated to fulfill their rights. And the rights of our parents are for us in four categories. Does anybody know what those categories are? This is what I want you guys to in the chat enter them. There's four categories where according to Arlene, our parents have rights over us. I'll tell you the first one to give you guys a hint. The first one is speech. In our speech, our parents have rights over us. I'm not sure if the chat is actually working. So I'll just give it another minute. Yes. Got it. Testing. All right. So I'm going to tell you guys for the interest of time, our parents have rights over us in the areas of speech is number one. Okay. Number two is body. Literally your body, your parents have rights over that and to a certain extent, your wealth. Okay. And then the fourth area is your heart. Right. Our parents have rights over us even when it comes to our, you know, the heart and how we feel towards our parents. So for the purposes of our talk, we're going to be touching on body and speech. And the right that I really want to focus on is on speech is that regardless, we are required to speak to our parents in a way that is respectful and kind, despite what we are telling them. And the story of Ibrahim Alai Salam comes to mind where Ibrahim Alai Salam went and destroyed all of the idols. Right. And his father who was a polytheist had said to him, you know, you know, what have you done here, you know, and Ibrahim Alai Salam had responded to his father, Ya'abati. Still in the most respectful fashion, disagreeing with him on almost the crux of life, right, which is belief. And still Ibrahim Alai Salam made a point and addressed his father with the utmost respect, Ya'abati, oh my father, right, with kindness and with mercy and humility. So this is, you know, right. Our parents have over us regardless of what we do. And it is our faith duty to try our best to implement the psychological tools and whatever we can to be good to them. So now I'm going to get into some of the tools here. The first tool is communication skills. And this is like a sea of information that you guys will, inshallah, you know, throughout your college careers and the rest of your lives be going into. But I'm going to give you a few kind of tips and tools to start. So the first communication skill that I want you guys to really kind of focus in on with your families, parents, siblings, anybody is listening. That is the first skill of communication. Counterintuitively, right. It's actually listening to what the other person is telling you. And when you listen, what listening gives you is understanding. Okay. And when you have understanding, you now have the tools to actually come to a goal-directed solution with the person that you're talking to. Now, there's this concept in psychology called emotional intelligence, and it has four components. The four components of emotional intelligence are one, the category of self, which is self-awareness, knowing what's going on for your own emotions and then managing yourself. The next category is others. Others' awareness, knowing how others are feeling in a given moment, knowing kind of generally what they might be, thinking, having a sensitivity, and then managing our relationships with others. So this is actually a component of emotional intelligence. It's knowing how others will feel based on what we're going to tell them and actually managing effectively. So many of us in our relationships, we start thinking, gosh, this person just doesn't know how to communicate with us. This person is just so hard to deal with. Well, in fact, we can look at ourselves in the mirror and say, okay, if emotional intelligence is actually me having the skills to try and understand a person and to communicate effectively with them, what can I do better? So we take that emotional intelligence piece and then go over towards that aspect of others' awareness. And for this, there's always a dua, I recommend. We can ask Allah, oh Allah, let me see where that, yes, oh Allah, show us truth as truth and falsehood as falsehood, right? So making that dua for Allah to actually show you in your interactions with people, right? How, what is this person actually feeling and thinking? And there's actually a quote backed by a lot of research that by Dr. Kristin Neff who wrote the book, Self-Compassion, another book, I always recommend books to people. If you guys want to take a look, Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff. And what she actually says in the book is that everybody is doing the best as they know how to in any given moment, okay? So this is a truth actually and all of our interactions with our parents, kind of as Dr. Ani was saying, right? A lot of the times our parents will come to us like, I want to spend time with you. I'll be nagging you, but what they really want is they just want a connection, right? But they may not have the words or the skills or the tools to say it in that way that we can understand it. So a fact to keep in mind with every single interaction, and this is actually the hardest fact to get, right? Is that everybody is doing the best as they know how to with the skills and the tools that they have in every given moment, including our parents, right? Our parents are not perfect. Our siblings are not perfect and neither are we, right? Even though in those moments we think, well, you could have said that much better. I know how you could have said it, right? But in fact, all of us are trying our best. And so in regards to others' awareness, we want to sort of keep that in mind and then also do this thing that I call in my therapy sessions, the family translator. So you know how we have Google translate? You enter a sentence in English and it pops out in Arabic or Spanish or French, whatever language you want. The same thing we want to do family translator. So a lot of the time people say things, but they are lost in translation. They are lost in communication. So for example, if your parents are telling you, man, Mariam always does better than you, your cousin. She's always getting better grades. Why don't you go be a doctor like her? If we stick that into the family translator, what your mom is actually possibly trying to say is this is a really scary world. I'm afraid of what's going to happen to you after I'm gone and I just want to know that you're going to be okay. That my baby girl, my baby boy is going to be okay in the world, right? So that family translator actually helps you understand the root behind what your parents are saying. And a lot of the time something to help you kind of get to the root of what people are saying is to see, is there any type of fear underneath what that person is saying, right? A lot of our difficult interactions or communications, which might come off harsh or hurtful, are actually rooted in fear, right? So criticism is oftentimes rooted in fear, right? If our parents are criticizing us, it's actually possibly afraid that they're afraid of not being a good parent, right? And so they may not have the skills to know how to say something to us. And so it comes out in a certain way that maybe they've been hearing their whole lives, right? Maybe that's how they were spoken to as children. So that's the family translator that I kind of want to introduce you guys to. Again, this is just very basic kind of ideas that I want you guys to marinate on. It's a much deeper world. Now, the next skill that I want to talk to you about in regards to communication, aside from understanding and developing that good opinion, is to literally communicate with your families. So Sadoranio was saying that when things come up, talk to your parents about it, right? There's a lot of difficult topics that come up. Even the transition of coming back home, a lot of us might be feeling distressed or a lot of questions came in about feeling like you don't have personal time, but then our parents and family really want family time, how to balance the both. The best thing I can say is to actually sit and talk about it, right? Sit and actually talk and say, wow, Mama Baba, talk to your siblings, I'm really struggling with this and I want to have a good relationship. Can we talk about it? What do you need and what do I need? Talking about the transition that's happening, right? Simple question to start off is just how do you guys feel about this transition, right? And your mom and dad might actually come out and say, I've been feeling nervous. They may actually say, I kind of get the idea that you have more fun at school than you have here and I feel kind of bad about that. That might actually come out from having those discussions and then you're able to reassure your parents and strengthen that relationship and bond, but actually starting that communication is key, right? Many things in our relationships are left unsaid. For example, the words, I love you, I'm sorry, right? Things that we wish we could have told our parents, right? And as believers, we are living for the ahra, right? Not to be morbid or anything, but really to be real. We don't want to have regrets in our relationships with people and we know at any given point that things can change as we've seen it even with this COVID situation. I always recommend, folks, what you want to tell your parents that's on your heart or your siblings or your loved ones, tell them, communicate it to them. And if it's hard to say it verbally, write it in a letter, right? Write it on a piece of paper and give it to them. For what we really, a lot of us do is we fail to say the things that need to be said. So that's another really important point. And then just some key skills for communication that I want to mention. We want to do soft startups. So whenever we're having difficult discussions, I call it the sandwich method, start with appreciation, say what you need to say and end with appreciation, right? Or praise. Anybody feels good. Imagine if this method were coming to you, someone gave you praise in the meeting, said something in the middle, gave you praise and then you would feel great, right? And that's actually an effective tool, a tool of emotional intelligence to communicate with another person. Another tool that's really helpful is I statements, right? So starting with the words instead of pointing the finger and saying, you frustrate me, you guys are on my case saying, you know, I feel really stressed out balancing family time with also, you know, school time, right? Saying I statements about how you've been feeling in the situation when something happens, as opposed to starting the discussion with you. The moment we say you, we shut down the communication with the other person. And then just to kind of close off on my piece, as kind of Dr. Rania mentioned as well, really trying to ground ourselves in mercy for our parents and for our family members. And I'd invite everyone to consider a few things. Number one, our parents have biological hardwiring, right? Dr. Rania is mentioning how she's little Rania, right? I'm always little here too with my parents and all of you guys are as well. But to really consider that our parents are biologically hardwired, right? To see us as their children. They are hardwired to protect their little cubs and to keep us safe from the world and to guide us, right? And so really try to have mercy for your parents that they can't help it. They seriously can't help it. And it's really at the biological level, right? When somebody has offspring, if you even think of it from the survival theories, you guys have probably learned in school, biological theories, fight-or-flight response, a lot of this is getting activated when it comes to parenting, right? When I talk to parents a lot of the time in family sessions, we always go back down to fear. A lot of parents' communication comes out of fear. Some of you guys might be saying, oh yeah, I know, right? So have mercy towards them. Because when our fear response is activated, we're not thinking quite logically the way we did and that's natural. That's really normal. And then the other piece is in your relationship, it's really easy to get caught up in the weeds of what someone did to hurt us or maybe a pattern that's happening in the family, like controlling parents or family dynamic that's really difficult to come to. What I always try to remind myself and to remind those that I'm working with is where is our intention in this relationship, right? Do we want to be right in this interaction with the person? Do we want to get our point across or do we want a good relationship, right? And do we really want a good relationship? We have to be honest with ourselves, right? Do we want that good relationship so that we're willing to put some of the resentments to the side and just try to be proactive and come to win-win solutions with that person or are we still kind of stuck on the things that have caused resentment or difficulties in our dynamic? And that's not to say that those wounds and the pain and unresolved traumas are to be neglected. If that's getting in the way of you notice that, definitely get support for that, right? We want to work through those things. But to the extent that we can put those to the side, we want to focus on the intention of having a good relationship. So these are just kind of some points that I want to say for now. I know it's been quite a while. So we'll go on to Q&A now and answer you guys' questions. Shizaka Laxer. Shizaka Laxer, sister Hera and Dr. Rania for those beautiful words and for that practical advice on to the first question. Someone asks, it's difficult to understand where the fine line between making sure we respect our parents and understanding that we are not the same people that we were before going to college. How do you remain respectful to your parents but also assert yourself and your independence as well as presenting your own boundaries as an individual and an adult adult? Here, I do want to take that because I think a lot of what you cover there right there at the end with the steps I think answers a lot of this question. Yes. So for that, yes. Yes, absolutely. So the question essentially is how do you have difficult conversations with your parents while being respectful? So just some general responses to this as we mentioned, speaking to them in a way of love when we're having those difficult conversations and really, Birolo Ali Dain is not necessarily to not disagree with your parents or to not tell them what you're feeling or thinking but it's to do so in a way that's respectful. So we can disagree with our parents and tell them but use kind words, using a name that they like or starting off with appreciation like Mom, I know you really love me saying things like, this is a difficult conversation for me too starting off in mental health we call it a soft startup. This is a really important way to start that discussion and really telling Mom and Dad, I call it the and but not but technique. So instead of saying, Mom and Dad, I love you guys but I really need my space we can say Mom and Dad, I love you guys and at the same time I'm finding that I'm becoming this young adult and I'm figuring myself out and I really benefit from having that space. So framing things in a positive kind of method. So hopefully that answers that question. If not, Dr. Ronnie, you can go ahead and add anything I missed. I think you did a great job there. Thank you, Rae. All right. Thank you for that. The next question. Just general things that called students coming back home might deal with how should your relationship change as you are getting older? How can you maintain connection with them as you get busier and you're busy with school and communication with families that talk less openly? Yeah, I'm happy to address that a bit more. And it kind of goes a little bit to the topic where we talked about where the stage is a development and how from mid teens onwards, Islamically speaking at least, the view of parents and children is really much more considered to be one of respectful friendship, I guess is the best way to put this. And part of that communication, and here I gave some wonderful practical ways of communicating, but a lot of it too is seeing understanding yourself. So like the question said, you're growing into your own person, you have your own views, and they may become different, sometimes drastically different. Sometimes we find these differences particularly related to faith questions. Sometimes it's the way you want to live your life. So I know for my own teachers, they often would remind me and say, look, one day you're going to have your own family, your own space, your own, you know, kingdom, kingdom, whatever you want to call this, masha'Allah, depending on who you are, that's it enough. And you'll be able to, you know, if I complained about what my parents are doing, or complained about, you know, how they were treating me, or how they think about X, Y, Z, they would say, look, one day you're going to have your own space, and you're going to be able to do this with your own family members, and have your, you know, carry out all these great, very, you know, idealistic things that you think you're going to carry out, and masha'Allah, but in all reality, that you're going to be able to carry this out in a different space. While you're under their roof, you have to respect their, their priorities and their boundaries, and what it is that they're wanting of you. And as much as that is, you know, not music to everyone's ears here, masha'Allah, it is the reality of our Islamic understanding of parent-child relationship. And I think it's really helpful to know that as you get older, and as you move from the shelter-in-place situation, you're kind of on your own, and going into new territory, masha'Allah, the most important thing I can remind you of is that in Islam, even with terrible relationships, we're meant to keep siddat al-rahim, the siddah, which is basically the connection with those whom you have blood relations with. So these are parents, these are siblings, even if you don't fully get along with them, these are your aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, right, blood relationships. And I think it's really important because people always have a hard time with like, well, that person treated me terribly, or it could be even more extreme than that. It could be that person was actually abusive in some way. And I won't go into the abusive part today, because that's a discussion in and of itself. And honestly, at that point, we really need to start talking about professional care and help to get you through some of those very difficult things. For non-abusive blood relationships, right, maybe they're annoying, maybe they're not the most comfortable, maybe they're critical, but not not abusive, okay? But here we're talking about the importance of keeping the siddah. So with parents, the most important thing I can say to you, regardless of where your relationship is with them now, as time goes on, you must keep that relationship, that connection. Siddah just means a connection. So for even the most difficult relationships, I've counseled in my own therapy sessions with people, you know, we'll say, look, keeping a connection is as minimum as, if you want to talk about the fiqh and the rules of things, it's the minimum of, at least, calling, you know, in A'id, the two A'ids, right? Giving a connection could be a phone call and email or something, something to keep the connection. Because as long as you're not the one severing the ties and you're not the one shutting the door, you're not sinful. Do you see what I'm saying? Whereas that's the bare minimums. We're talking about the skeleton here. We're talking about the bare minimum of someone who's a blood relative of yours and you not being sinful by cutting off that relationship. But you don't have to, you know, grow it and nurture it. But we would hope with relationships that are closer, again, those circles of concern, those concentric circles, the ones that are closer, parents, siblings, you know, very closer extended family, that you're doing more than just a simple connection, right? That you're actually really bringing that relationship to fruition. So just to think about how that changes over time, and I can't tell you the last thing I'll say on this is that, you know, when I think about our elders, you know, COVID-19 is really affecting the elderly more than it's affecting anyone else. Not just physically, because they're more susceptible to actually mortality, actually dying from this virus, but also because psychologically, they're really scared. They know that it's just, if they get infected, I mean, there's a very, very high chance. So all the elders of your family are walking around with a ton of anxiety right now. Even if they're not saying anything and trying to, like, remain strong in front of you, they're really scared. So for you as a younger person, to be able to acknowledge that, to sit with them, to be with them, and to check in on them, to FaceTime your relatives that are elder that are not, you're not able to go because you don't want to infect them in any way, accidentally. But to really check in on people, and the shelter in place is showing something really important, I think, to everybody, Muslim and non-Muslim alike. It's showing the importance of that relationship that even when you grow and become your own person is, you are still your parents' child, you are still your grandparents' grandchild, right? And they need you more than ever, and it's showing now more than it's ever shown before. So I hope those words help a little bit. Yeah, that was really great, Mashallah. For the next question, someone asked, how to build a stronger relationship with siblings in relation to empathy, and how to have more open and safe conversations? Okay, so what we would say for this is definitely with the building of any relationship, we want to start by reinforcing the positive that's already there, right? So try to identify what's going well in that relationship. Is there some type of quality time that's really good, or some type of funny activity you guys like to do, or a game, build on that? Keep doing that more, because the more positivity you bring into a relationship, the more that it lowers our guards and helps us feel warm and creates feelings of bonding. That's the first step, just starting any relationship, sibling, parent, a new spouse, all of that. The next step is to go into the space of vulnerability and opening up, and we want to start by doing that with ourself, right? So the question included empathy and having more open and safe conversations. So what that brings to me in mind is is there anything there to sort of block that? And what I want you to do if you're the one that asked this question or are trying to seek that openness with somebody else, ask yourself, what do you think is blocking that empathy, right? And is anything coming from your end? And then also ask yourself, you know, what's that dynamic or pattern that's happening, right? And then I would say try to go back, take that information, and then try to go back and always ground that interaction with your sibling or your loved one or whoever you're trying to bond with back into what you really actually want, the shared goal you have, which is both to have a good relationship, right? And again, I tell many people, although it seems like you're fighting, you're actually both fighting for the relationship. The most dangerous relationships are the ones in which there's no fighting. You're just apathetic, you don't even care, you couldn't even be bothered. The relationships where there's fighting, it actually means someone's fighting for a connection. They're fighting to be heard. They're fighting to be understood. So there's actually common ground there. And what you can do if you're comfortable being vulnerable with your sibling or loved one is to say, you know what, I know sometimes we fight, but I want so badly for a good connection with you. I look at other siblings who have a good time and I wish we had that. What can I do better, right? And this goes back to the question of do we really want a good relationship or are we sticking on different things? And another point that I want to bring up is healthy control. In a lot of our relationships, we try to control the other person or they're trying to control us or both. We cannot control our siblings or our parents' thoughts, feelings or behaviors. We can only control our own. And part of healthy boundaries in relationships is stepping back and letting people have their own thoughts, feelings and behaviors. If they're mad at you, that's them, right? If they disagree with your beliefs, that's them, right? And not letting that get in the way of what you really want, which is maybe being able to connect on other things, maybe having an emotional connection or maybe being able to do fun activities together, right? We can't control the capacity somebody else has to connect with us if that makes sense. Some people just may not be able to go there emotionally to have open and safe conversations yet and we might let that bother us but we might actually need to be real with ourselves and say, you know what, maybe they just can't go there with anybody, it's not just me, right? So maybe these are just some general guidelines and tools, but again, the first step is build on the positivity and the warmth that is already there. Yeah, I think those are really important points to consider and to keep in mind. On to the next question. How do you set boundaries and relieve the guilt that comes with not being able to help your family as much because of schoolwork, despite being home? Okay, so I think my name was also on this question. So as Dr. Rani and I both had kind of mentioned earlier in our talk, right? We definitely recognize different things coming up and when it comes to the topic of guilt, right? I want all of us to ask ourselves if we're feeling guilt in the relationships, why are we feeling guilt? Okay, and what is it we're afraid of that is actually happening? But guilt is coming up for a reason, right? We don't want to push away the guilt. We actually want to go to the guilt and ask ourselves, why am I feeling guilty? What am I afraid of? I'm afraid my parents will be disappointed with me. I'm afraid that I'm not doing enough. I'm afraid of at the end of the day just being a really bad daughter or son. Identify for yourself what's really at the root of the guilt and then talk about it. Talk to your parents about it, talk to them about the guilt or if you don't even want to go there, then just ask them very clearly what can I do to make you happy, right? If the fear is they're just going to be unhappy with me, ask them. So my mom and dad trying to have a structure here at home, you know, I want to make you happy and I want to make me happy with my grades and I want to make you guys proud so I need to focus on that. Please tell me guidelines of what I can do to make you happy and let's try to figure out a way, right? A lot of the time many of us live in guilt in our relationships because we simply haven't communicated or been given the reassurance that we're okay, that what we're doing is enough. So ask them for that. And if their expectations are really up here and high, again, try to communicate with our parents and say, wow, you love me so much that you want all of this from me. Okay, mom and dad, let's figure it out, let's come to a win-win solution. So that's my response to that one. And I don't know if Dr. Ernie wanted to add anything or maybe Dr. Ernie can take the next question. Yeah, that's good. Thank you for that. The next question, how do I keep from feeling annoyed or stressed by family members and how can I control my anger towards family members around me? All right, so masha'Allah and here on Shala, you're welcome to jump in here as well with us. You know, do you remember earlier when I was saying to everybody what we really need to have our little space? You could call it whatever you want, your sanctuary space, your spiritual space, your atikaf space, your khalwa space, whatever it is that helps you kind of think about it. But I always think about when, you know, again from an Islamic point of view, a lot of the work we do with psychology is very much Islamically oriented and connected. And so when we think about emotions that Allah has created, and you guys Allah created all emotions, okay, including the bad ones, okay, including anger and fear and anxiety and depression. All of this is a creation of Allah and is meant to actually help us respond in a certain way. So anger, we actually have a hadith that talk about this where it says anger is from Shaitan, right? All of everybody knows this and knows that this concept of a reminder and Shala that, you know, when you feel angry, we're told in hadith, for example, to go wash our face, to cool down, make what do lie down, right? We have all these different steps of which how we like control that anger, it's from Shaitan, it's from fire, you know, anger is from fire and Shaitan was created from fire. So therefore, you know, this is where it's coming from. So cool it off with the water we'll do. Now, some people say that's not enough, right now in the middle of like a, you know, yelling match back and forth with my sibling, let's say, or with my parents even, you know, and you want me to just break away and make what do, it's not really practical. How do I do that? So part of the more practical things per se, because you can, and I hope you do actually go wash off eventually, but the first thing to do is actually disengage, honestly. And that's the hardest thing for people because it's almost like when they're so angry, they need to get like the last word in. They have to get that last word and entourage. And here I made reference to this earlier saying, you know, is the important thing that you get your point across or is the important thing that you actually save that relationship and make it a good Shala relationship? Because when everyone simmers down and all kind of quiet's down, you think back and you go, well, that was a pretty dumb fight. You know, as you think often, okay, maybe not every single fight, but often, you know, we argue with, and then we're like, ah, why did I say that? Why did I do that? And then sometimes there are very serious things. You know, really serious things you're trying to get across. And here I gave some really great practical steps of how you begin a difficult conversation. But in the midst of an argument, in the midst of anger, and let's give an example of siblings. You know, there's something, you're in each other's space now, and you haven't been for a while, and you're in each other's space more than before. And, you know, just the things that used to bother you from when you were a kid. You know, the silly things they would do or they wouldn't pick up their smelly socks or they leave a big mess or whatever. I mean, just whatever it is that would bother you is like amplified. Because not only are they there with you, but you can't get out. You can't leave that space right now. Subhanallah. So when you think about all those things, you have to be able to, A, communicate. B, disengage whenever possible from that conversation and come back to it later. Because when you come back to it with fresh, what's the whole point of why was the hadith saying, go make, we do it? Because when you would just literally, just literally disengage and do a different action, in this case calming yourself down with water, right? It's like taking a shower. Like you kind of calm yourself down and then you come back to it. You're in a completely different mindset. It doesn't seem the same or feel the same anymore. So those are really important things to think about of how to deal with that anger. Carol, let me let you take it from here. No, Dr. I think you actually answered that pretty well. But one thing that I might just throw in to do get the psychotherapy perspective covered is reframing our thought process as well. A lot of the times, I think Dr. I actually covered the meat of it. But in certain situations, we might be feeling stressed or annoyance or anger because of the way we're viewing the situation. So I might also say taking a step back, as Dr. Ina said, pausing so our mind can actually process this and then asking ourselves, okay, how am I looking at the situation? What's the frame I'm looking at it in? And is this actually causing me to feel unnecessary anger? Do I need to kind of start by trying to give a positive opinion? Do I need to slow down? That's just another piece I'd say that really helps with managing really strong emotions with family. Yeah, thank you for those beautiful reminders. Moving on to the next question. What are some practical suggestions for improving patients with family members and how to consciously, consciously increase patients with family members in times of high stress? I think this is for Dr. Ina. You can take the question. Yeah. Are you taking it here? I will let you take this when I think I have a better answer. No worries. Okay. Masha'Allah. So again, on the same, honestly, it's the same thing we were talking about just right before this related to anger. In this case, it's about patients and so but in having better patients with those, all those around us. I feel like I'm, I hope you guys are okay with what it sounds like a repetition here, but inshallah, it helps reminders. Definitely needing to take some space for yourself and making it clear to others. And because again, I know it sounds like you're doing a little tricky thing here, but just like how people give you that space to be on that prayer rug when you pray, right? They're going to inshallah, see the visual cue of you needing your own little corner spiritually. Okay. To head over there. That does a couple of things, one of which it kind of does that calming situation where you're able to then react with more patients to whatever it is that's happening around you. So that's for you personally. The thing that it's doing for other people is it's also helping them realize that you need that space and time to disengage. And when you have that space and time, you're able to be more patient with whatever it is that's happening. And each and one of your families that whatever is happening that's bothering you or difficult is different for some of you. It's actually not the conversations back and forth with family members rather it's or even siblings for that matter. Maybe each person sort of on their own busy with their thing. Maybe for you, it's all the extra chores you suddenly have to do that you aren't accustomed to before. And for other people it's just simply feeling like they cannot spend the time they want with their friends because they're being told get off the devices constantly. Like don't be on there all the time and you're like I have school and I have friends, I have everything, everything, everything is connected to devices. So whatever it may be, the point is in growing sub-it or growing patients, you have to know that it's something that actually requires growth. We don't naturally or innately just have patients within ourselves. It's something you need to grow. And if you, the way you grow patients are gross a little bit, it's a long discussion. We don't have time for it all today, but I will say on a spiritual level, the way you actually do help grow it is you give yourself that time kind of a contemplative reflective time. And as you think through the situation, whatever it may be, and you kind of analyze it in your head, you take, give yourself the pause like Kara said before and you think through and you analyze what the issue is. You start to realize how minute or how big this issue really is. So I'll give you one more example before I hand off to the next question. But when we talk about these spiritual seclusion spaces, these khadwas, these attikaf spaces that I'm always referring to, which I think are so important to mental sanity, health, mental health and wellness and spiritual health too, is when you're on that space and you're taking that time away, one of the things you reflect on are the relationships with other people. And in that our teachers teach us, spiritual teachers teach us, that when you reflect on those relationships, you start to understand it actually, what it does is whoever can, is like the federal one of your life, whoever's like the pharaoh of your life, whether it be a parent, maybe it's sibling or friend, maybe it's a boss, whoever it is, that's kind of like, has that a lot of power over you to where you like, you dread the relationship with them and you're feeling really uncomfortable in that situation with them all the time, there's tension there. It starts to when you have that reflective space, you think about how even every pharaoh has Allah's power above for them, right? You start to shrink them down into their actual human size versus the huge kind of pharaonic size that you had given them, that power over you. And you can only really do that in that spiritual contemplated reflective space. And if you don't have a contemplative practice, you're never going to be able to actually, you know, put relationships in their correct spaces and sizes. And I think that's really missing for a lot of people. And I really recommend it because in that you start to grow that relationship, you start to grow the patients that you're asking about with others. I hope that's helpful. Yeah, for the next question, do you have any suggestions for healthy, fun, Islamic ways to spend time with family at home? Yeah, I can definitely respond to this piece just to kind of build, as we mentioned earlier, trying to, you know, build off of what you already have existing that are, you know, fun family activities, a really great way to do this with family is to go back to childhood family traditions or if there's things that you guys did years ago, that you remember as fond memories, try to bring those back. That's a really great way to kind of reinforce bonds that have been there in the past. Another thing to do, you know, simple things, board games, sports, cooking together, whatever folks can find mutually enjoyable. And then there's also some cool stuff if you guys are, you know, into being psychology nerds, I'll, I'll try to pull it up for you guys later. But there's a lot of actually therapy games for families. One of them is called the un-game. I'm going to just type it into the chat box there. And it has questions like bonding questions. So you guys can do a game where like, you know, you have all these like bonding questions, like it'll ask you things on like deep topics, like what are your thoughts about TV, right? So you kind of like talk about your beliefs and your feelings all the way to like what are your thoughts about, you know, death, right? So there are ways to kind of get you to really bond with your family in a deep way. But you can play games like, you know, whoever takes more than 30 seconds to answer the question has to eat a marshmallow, right? Like, and you know, make it like a fun thing. So that's one, one cool way to kind of do it. I don't know if Dr. anyone had. I think you've got it. I really like the idea of going back into your childhood since we're kind of all there, essentially. But I also want to say one more thing related to getting outdoors as much as possible in this shelter in place. The emphasis, of course, is sheltering in place and at home. But as you probably all know at this point, that those who you live with, you could all be outdoors with them hiking, walking, nature walks, like you said, exercise, sports, et cetera. And actually doing some physical activity and in nature get some fresh air wherever you are, please, even if it's cold, just get out there with those who we live with, because there's no issue at that point of social distancing with those who you're living with anyway. But people are not getting out. I mean, I can't tell you how many students in my class yesterday said they haven't even left their bedroom for the last few weeks except to eat or something. And it's like, it's like, that's, that's not the point here, Masha'Allah. And that bonding activity is very useful. And if you're like, ah, my parents don't play sports, come on now. They can, you should encourage them to actually take the walks, right? And if they're more adventurous to take the hikes and so on and so forth, but I do recommend that. And I think it's very helpful at this time. Thank you for those wonderful ideas. And then next, how do you balance staying in touch with friends from college and spending enough time with family? So for this piece, just to kind of build off of everything we've said, I kind of try to look at balancing time in our lives, kind of as a circle, like a pie. So you can kind of imagine making a circle and then dividing it up into different parts of your life. Part of it could be your alone time with your creator, right? Thick off, as Dr. Ania mentioned, part of it's your academics, family time relationships. What I would say is to just kind of, for every single person, it's going to be different, right? How much time you spend with your family and friends, but to just make sure that there's a bare minimum that you have kind of allocated for yourself in your mind, right? Or you've talked to your family about it like, you know what, every night we're going to have dinner together, right? You have that bare minimum time, so it's protected. That's one way I would kind of just frame it, if Dr. Ania want to add anything, feel free. Sure. We can move on to the next question then, Michelle. All right. Thank you for that. And this question is going to be the last question. How do children deal with parents who have emotionally and or physically abuse them or seeing one parent do this to another parent? Yeah, I would say that that's probably one of the hardest things in coming back home and kind of be here. The part that's related to kind of emotional abuse or really honestly, any form of abuse. I mean, I think that's been one of the most difficult things we've really actually been working on is having everybody in one location that there might actually be histories of abuse. And I can't emphasize enough the importance of seeking out professional care and help at this moment. And we were actually going to do this conversation. We're actually going to tell you about all of the resources here. Here, I put them up on the slide. Thank you so much. But I do want to emphasize to the importance of if there are abusive things that you are witnessing or have experienced in the past or maybe are again experiencing, even if it's other people like witnessing parents fighting and there's a lot of back and forth emotional verbal abuse, et cetera, or more than that. You know, the and your thrust back into that situation after having left it for a while, I think it's important to realize that you are carrying around a lot of trauma actually related to that. And if you can't convince those who are currently in that abusive situation to get the help themselves, you can always yourself get help. How do you're like, well, I'm not the one, you know, in that abusive back and forth that's their marriage and their issue. No, actually, you're carrying a lot of that around as well. And you getting the help for yourself helps you figure out how to help them or how to deal with them. And I think that's what therapies are useful for even if you don't feel like it's applicable to you. But if anyone's dealt with any sort of abuse in the past or even has been party to it or witness to it, you are carrying around a lot for yourself as well. And it may, in fact, in fact, future relationships and you don't know how exactly yet if you're not in them. So those are all reasons why I would say this is the time, so Pamela, you're home and you're not having to go here and there in the other place, right? You have a lot to do potentially, but you're just in one place. And at least we'll talk a little bit here about the Khalil Center as we close. But one of the things I want to tell you is we've moved all of our offices across the U.S. and Canada now to tell a therapy to web therapy. So it's accessible and much easier to get hold of than ever before. And if you feel like that's something that would be useful to you and or a loved one or both, you know, I would actually really recommend you reach out and actually start that now while you have the time maybe ever more than before. So there's more to say there. I just want to give that kind of emphasis first. Tara, do you want to add to that? The only thing I would add in addition, you know, which Dr. Arnie already had started covering on his eyes it's very normal to have, you know, those feelings of trauma that come up in this type of a situation, anything you're feeling or experiencing, it's very important to have compassion with yourself for that. Right. So the question included a piece about seeing one parent abusing another parent. It's really natural for there to be feelings of protectiveness over one parent or to feel like you need to take sides or to even be apathetic and to want to get away from it all. The first step is just don't judge yourself for any of that. What you're experiencing is actually a survival response to a very not healthy situation. It's a normal response to a not normal situation. I don't even want to say it's not normal because so many of our families are struggling. Right. But what you're doing already right now is a survival response in a difficult circumstance. And then as Dr. Arnie has said, it's really important if you're in that and you're having a hard time managing it to get help, get professional support and at the wheel center we have a lot of trained counselors, a lot of family counselors, folks who can help kind of hold your hand through the process and guide you on how to even get started with this type of experience. You deserve the help your family does. So definitely reach out to us. Yeah. If I could Sarah, since I was last question kind of take a moment here I know you guys are seeing the slide and we haven't really touched on it but we will tell you I mean the the web therapy that both of us were referring back to relates to going to the hotel center.com and you're able to get sessions now really you know male female it doesn't matter exactly because there's so many different therapists special across all of our different Hill Center offices that could help you and your family members there's somebody to fit the bill for whoever it is that you're hoping to get support for. And for those who are like well I'm not sure that I need web therapy right at this very moment there are some other resources we put here that we thought might be useful there's an entire YouTube channel within our hotel center YouTube channel which you hope you'll subscribe to but within there there's a specific sub channel that's on COVID-19 step by step resources and it has things in there like dealing with family dynamics it has things related to dealing with the anxiety that you might feel or how to modulate you know certain how to motivate how to you know work with the depression or anxiety you might be feeling so all of it is in there very specific to COVID-19 so we hope you'll take a look at that inshallah there's also a third resource I wanted to tell you guys about for those who need more immediate help so maybe you've listened to all this it all sounds great but right in the moment you're like I don't have time to sign up web therapy I need help right now for that we have our helpline which is a crisis line and as long as the offices are open that line or chat box are both available too so whether it's you or a friend or a loved one feel free to give them that resource too because it's another place to kind of connect to support in and I guess this would be a good time if it's okay just talk about our summit that's coming up because it's a whole day full day kind of mental wellness summit in preparation for Ramadan because we're recognizing that some of your questions as well had to do with how do I maintain mental wellness and family dynamics and in addition I'll be fasting and will I be grumpier when I'm fasting and even more difficult family dynamics then and it's going to be the month of Ramadan so it's not it's everybody's asking these very same questions so what we decided to do is just to do literally a whole day summit you can tune in and tune out for whichever session sound like they're the most useful for you this is happening next set up this Sunday but the one after on the 19th essentially all day long and we're going to release that link for you guys and to hope that MSA West will co-partner with us on this but we're going to release this kind of link to you guys so make sure you're on our either our social media pages or our mailing list and there's other resources that are out there that are useful too so if you want to follow I'm happy you know I'm always sharing different resources on my own social media pages you're welcome to follow there if you want to know other tech or resources but we really want to make sure you're all connected whether it's two things you're listening to to actual crisis line or to actual therapy but you get that support for these different questions that are coming up inshallah