 So tonight we're going to watch a movie with anger management. Has anyone seen it? So this movie is really about, there's just a long theme in this, but you can see that this main character in the movie, he actually has, he's in this major people-pleasing pattern. He is not even aware of it. Just everything that he does in his life is about repressing his true feelings and to please others. And so for him, not even able to see that what he was doing, it's going to be very confusing to tell him to practice forgiveness because when everything he is doing is about repressing and about people-pleasing, forgiveness probably will equate in his mind as more suppression and more people-pleasing and more self-attack. So today we talked about this self-hatred and you can see that what is underneath people-pleasing and repression is really self-hatred. And he was sitting on this major chunk of self-hatred and he wasn't even aware of it. So there was no way that he could really by himself get in touch or undo this pattern to get in touch with the self-hatred and then release it, then get into forgiveness. So this movie is really a beautiful demonstration of this major ego pattern of sitting with self-hatred and repress everything. And the attack is mainly inward attack. Self-attack. Self-attack and then holding grievance, really holding grievance silently around everything else and yet in form going around and people-pleased with everything. So just day after year after year, that's the major life pattern. So really what happens for him in order for him to really reverse or to get in touch with his true feelings, he really has to see this self-inward attack. He really has to see this self-deep self-hatred. As we talked about this morning, to the extent you can get access to the self-hatred, then you will start to go toward healing. And for him and actually for a lot of us in my own experience, it's not something that I'm aware and I can initiate on my own. So in his case, seemingly a teacher or all the external events and people are brought to his life just to orchestrate, to be orchestrated so that always in-ward and self-attack and self-hatred will first come to the surface. So there is no way that he could sit with it anymore. Then everything starts to unfold from that point. So we always feel to tell everybody, healing is not really our responsibility, but to have the honesty to look at what is underneath. That's all that really takes. As long as we are not afraid and we're not hiding or protecting, we're willing to open a can of whatever is underneath there, then the healing happens afterwards. The spirit will rush in to say, okay, you're open and there's nothing that's protected or held against from the spirit anymore, then everything will be transformed. So this movie is really beautifully done and you probably, while you're watching it, especially for those people who haven't seen it, you can actually watch your own attention to your own emotional reaction to the movie as well, just to everything that he is doing and how the healing happens for him just along the way the steps. Just watch your own reaction, whether there is any charge or anything brought up and we can have a beautiful discussion afterwards. Because anything that seems to be happening where he's a victim and it's almost like, oh, come on, that's not fair, that's not practical. That's where the conditioning that the ego has set off is seen and actually by the end of the movie, I won't tell you exactly how, but by the end of the movie, there was all his own call and all of his best friends are involved in the orchestration of this healing. So nothing was done to him, even by casual, you know, passengers or whatever. So that's what it's like in this world, like David was saying today, you people the world with your thoughts. That's really what it is. Nobody makes you upset outside of your own decision. You've actually brought them into your awareness to get in touch with the self-hatred. This is a great movie for that. A conventional approach for whatever work. Yeah, if you've got any grievance left, I mean, you can think of how it would be to look at it as if it was all set up and these characters just acted it out so you could feel this, I feel pretty, experiences of dancing in the circle. At the end, that was what it was all for. Because it's just how you look at it, you know. You could look at it as if it was done to you apart from your wish, apart from your mind, apart from what you want. Or you could look at it as all done for you, for the healing, for the release, acted out so perfectly that you could release this hidden unconscious anger and guilt. I mean, what a masterful way when you just begin to open your mind to the idea that this, that everything has been working together for your good. And it was part of the perfect setup to feel free, to actually come to true freedom. What you are saying is like, let's say, the right mind set up for you, to your own goals, yeah? But at the same time, bad things happen and you don't understand that there's a phrase that just says that everything that seems to happen to you you ask it for. But if bad things happen, this is the right mind that sets the best things for your goals. Well, the right mind has given you a new way of perceiving the whole world. And this new way is beyond the interpretations of the ego. It's above and beyond. So, I said before, time was linear and that's where all the grievances come out. Attack, defense, victimization, all of the mistreatments come from this perception that the perceived world is doing something to the perceiver and the perceiver is seen as a human being at the mercy of a hostile world that's outside. So the Holy Spirit instantaneously corrected that perception and wherever there was perceived to be mistreatment or bad things or attack, that was just a wrong-minded perception. But when you open to this healed perspective you see that what seemed to be bad was just a judgment in the mind on the self projected out as if it was acted out, what bad would look like. So, for example, let me give some examples. Oftentimes one of the most heartbreaking perceptions in the world is a breakup. It could be a child dying or it could be a parent dying or it could be a husband or a wife saying I'm leaving you, goodbye. Or even I never want to speak to you again. And the perception is the perception of loss. That's the interpretation of the actions and the words. Like there's a tremendous feeling of loss, deep loss, like rip your heart out, loss. And that feeling is coming from a belief and from thoughts. And when you clear away that belief and those thoughts, you suddenly don't feel the hurt anymore. You just feel bursting love and appreciation and gratitude. Now, even in this world, when you have, we'll say, a breakup, how many of us have gone through an experience of a breakup which seemed hurtful or devastating and then doorways, opportunities, experiences that we hadn't even dreamt of in the sense of imagined open up and we feel like we're growing, like we're evolving, like there's more love in our hearts than it was before. And we would have never believed that that would go that way, that after a heartbreak there could be a deeper experience, a more universal experience of love. That's like a little symbol of where this is heading, that we don't know our own best interests, that even when something happens where we say it's a tragedy, there's a beautiful blessing that comes and follows that was unanticipated. And that's like a little foreshadowing of what will happen when we let go of this tiny identity, completely. Is that question about shift of perception in what has happened with you? Yeah, shift of purpose. That's how you have a shift of perception when you give the relationship a new purpose. And I hear witnesses to that all the time where people invite the Holy Spirit and then things seem to shake up in their world but they feel more expansive, more open after the shake-up. So the shake-up is like a rearranging of perception. And what is the rearranging of perception but rearranging it from this linear ego-based timeline to reordering it to come back to the moment and start to see closer and closer that it's all simultaneous, that it's all happening together. Like, for example, when you, as anybody in the room, had like a strong deja vu feeling where you just suddenly, in one instance, you had this feeling almost washed over you, like, I've been here before. Somehow, something is so familiar, like it's a feeling in our hearts. And yet, the conscious mind, the ego will say, you've never been here, even though the feeling in our hearts says we have. And that's what the Course means by you're just reliving the same mistake over and over, the same patterns that repeat year after year and decade after decade. There's a familiarity, there's some commonalities to these patterns, thought patterns, and it's because we're still holding on to these same beliefs and grievances and the characters change, the forms are a little different, but we find ourselves facing similar emotions and similar patterns over and over and over. And it's slowly, our mind is shifting to start to realize that that was our one problem we were holding on to the past. We were clinging to the past and steadfasting, we were refusing to let go of the past and then the characters kept acting out those same past thoughts over and over. And that's the problem. When we let that go, we have a shift, a real full shift in perception and we see the whole world completely differently. I'm so glad to watch this. Right down to the thing earlier today, I can see that it really just sit here, sit pretty online. Just feel very blessed by the mighty companionship I have right now because it's flesh and flesh or something that I believe I never experienced, but it's of course constantly there. And like it's an experience of intense frustration, anger, it really is self-hatred. And I can feel that the thought is like I don't want to be that character, I don't want to be that role, I don't want to be that in it. This is the past. But I'm happy to trade out for a different, better character. And I saw that it's almost like forgiveness is to destroy that he's forgiveness, like, oh, you know, rising well, but I'm sure that guy didn't manage to get it. And you know, sisters and mental side-backing out, it's like listening to myself all my life. And all that right down to, you know, I'm not jealous, I'm not any of these things. And I've suddenly experienced everything in this today. And I don't experience jealousy. I've really ever experienced it today. I've been flushing up. I'm just out of nowhere. And I'm just all I've got is that I'm grateful. And I don't want to trade self-concepts, but I can still see, even with this willingness, that that's the belief that that would do it. That there's a belief that that would bring relief. And I don't want relief. I want to see this completely and to really experience that this is not who I am. So anything you want to say, be free. Yeah, this world is such an ingenious cover. We talked about cleverness and how it's an ingenious cover. It's designed to cover over and distract away from hurt and pain. There's so many avenues of distraction, so many avenues of forgiveness to destroy, of trying to convince yourself, well, at least I'm not as bad off as this, or I wish I had this, or I wish I was that, but it's not so bad. It's this not-so-bad defense mechanism that has no intention of letting go of the guilt. It's determined to keep things, not so bad. Just listen to the words. You're not so bad. So-and-so is worse off, comparison used. So I had a friend who moved from one continent to the next continent, and she told me that she had better career, better job opportunities. In many ways it was a great move, and what she found was that in the culture that she was raised in, you couldn't express anger, you couldn't express hurt, because those were signs of weakness. So the culture she was raised in was bravado. Keep it together, be strong. Don't ever let them know that you're hurting. Don't ever let them know that you're angry. That's a sign of weakness. You'll put yourself in a disadvantaged position. So hide it, bury it, and never let it be shown. And then she moved to a culture that was the flip side, where she had a boyfriend and met his family and then went to a completely different culture where it was totally natural to let the emotions come up and through as fast as possible. Often like children do, where children will just have their rage or their fit and their facial turn red, and then two minutes later they're all starry-eyed and fresh and clean and clear again. It's just passed through. And so she told me she moved to this other culture and I said, yeah, what a reflection of your belief to truly heal where you could express all those emotions, not on just a daily basis, but momentarily when they would come up and you wouldn't get frowns or glares or glances. You would actually be met with support, like people would feel, oh, you're going through a healing. Let's stop everything and let's let you move through this. So to me, those are just the symbols now. It's like more and more you're feeling more safe and more secure, more surrounded by your mighty companions to actually let go of the mask, let go of any kind of bravado control. Keep it together. You won't be loved if you don't keep it together. If you let it all hang out or if you lose it, then you'll surely be rejected. You'll surely be cast aside, cast away. So to me, what you're describing is, yeah, this is actually the beginning of authentic healing. And some of you have heard me share that story of when Kirsten and I went down to South America where we were down in Argentina and to be traveling around with me, she didn't really intend on that. She just came over and she said earlier today she thought she'd just be helping as a secretary, assistant. She finds herself speaking in front of groups down in South America and even using a symbol of rings. South America's 95% Catholic and the symbol is much easier for a man and a woman to speak something and be heard because it's such a receptivity to marriages, couples. That's a big part of Catholicism, as some of you know, from being here in Ireland. But she had so much resistance and darkness coming up that she didn't want to mention it or express it, but it came out psychosomatically in her body language. She was extremely stiff. And I would go to the groups and she would be there and she would be so rigid and so stiff that I would kind of make fun and light it all with the groups. I would say, oh, I'm traveling with my partner and it's like traveling with an ironing board. I said, I go, we go to the hotels. The ironing board goes on the bed. And then we go to a restaurant. I sit the ironing board up. It was so stiff. It was so, talking about the stiff upper limit, it was so stiff and unexpressed that I said it's great. It's like going to Argentina and all these wonderful places, romantic places with an ironing board as your companion. And then we went to a French restaurant and it reminded me of kind of like, almost like before a volcano erupts. It was kind of the energy was she's going to blow. She's going to blow. Because the stiff can only go so long. We have a lot of intense emotions. We can hold them back a while, but they're going to blow at some point. So we went to this French restaurant and it's also telepathic that nobody was in the restaurant. It was just like a staff of Mater D and like seven or eight waitresses and a really fancy French restaurant in Buenos Aires. We go in there, we sit down and the waitresses would come across and bring us like some bread and butter like they do in Argentina, you know, and they'd bring some drinks, some wine and then they would almost curry away from us because the energy of she's going to blow was so strong that the waitresses didn't want to stay too close because they thought this could get really explosive and messy. It was just like stiff and ready to blow. So this went on for some time and finally she blew and she just called me names and said things, you know, all the pent-up stuff that was kept in to be polite and kind and that was all there. It just came spewing out. It's like Linda Blair and the Exorcist or something, nothing green or anything like that but it was just, it blew, it totally blew and it just blew and all the waitresses were as far away as they could be against the wall in the back just kind of like trying not to look like they were watching this scene and then at the end of the scene it probably went on for five or ten minutes of just really expressing every attack thought, every hurtful thought, everything, whatever it all was there then at the end she just said well, okay, I guess this is over. That was the conclusion, you know, this is all over now and everything and I remember at that point I just slid my hands across the table and I said no, now we begin. Now we begin. The fear of letting it up or blowing up is the fear of ending, the fear of loss of love, the fear of rejection, the fear of goodbye. It's so intense that the mind will just keep it all bottled in there and yet now we begin. And I don't know, I think that was probably around 2005 or 2006 so here we are in 2014, nine years later and you see the presence pouring through Kirsten and the grace and the majesty and the ease and it starts with not holding anything down, not repressing, not denying, not playing this game of pretence. So do you have to let the emotion out or can you just talk about it? Do the color come out as an emotion? Well, when we talk about out it's not like it's in the body it has to be, you know, sometimes people do it with the bataka sticks and you know they try to beat or they put on their gear and they go and they hit and they just whack and everything. It's not like you can actually physically get it out because it's not in the body. It's in the unconscious mind. So I would say that some of the processes we have online, like our clarity process, our instrument for peace, we have all these different tools. We watch movies, I told you the first time Kirsten saw this movie, she just was really upset, you know, at the treatment of the Adam Sandler character. I said, how did you like the movie? Not. I did not like that movie at all. And then when she saw it again after a little bit of time, she saw it with whole new eyes. She saw the whole set up that's all for the good and it all came completely around to a whole new way of looking at it. She left through at the second time but she, you know, was irritated and it was bringing up anger, it was triggering all sorts of anger because of the interpretations of mistreatment. And, you know, we've had that, we've talked about that, a lot of people have had a reaction to this movie when they first see it through the first time. I saw a paragraph that Francis was saying about everybody in the movies helping Adam Sandler get to where he was to go. I saw that with little clarity. And I looked back on my life and realised that it had happened to me. So perception comes from change of purpose. Purpose, yeah. And inviting the spirit to help you with that. What about the spirit now anyway? The spirit's always there but remember, you know, we actually have to go back to what used to be the origins of this world because we're used to thinking in terms of cause and effect. You know, what's the cause, what's the origin. And the Course in Miracles is so clear that God is not the origin of this world. You know, I mean a lot of times I've seen Course teachers that will actually work with the book and there's even beautiful teachings like unity around the world and everything and they still have God having something to do with the world. Well the Course comes out and says God did not create the body. Well, that's one big thing. God did not create a meaningless world. That's another kind of thing. And then you get certain passages where your mind is still kind of like I don't know for sure about this and he comes out in the workbook and he says the world was made as an attack on God, a place where God can enter not. You won't find that in Advaita Vedanta, you won't find that in ancient Chinese non-dualistic, you're not going to find it in any non-dual teaching to come out like that. It's like, for me, that's where Jesus is like give it to us straight. We want to wake up, oh, okay, the world was made as an attack upon God, a place where God can enter not. There's another part in the beyond idol sections where Jesus says one sentence, four words, God knows not form. So if I want to know God and God knows not form you can start to put it together that we have to see that this world was made in hatred. That's what we could say. Most of us in the Judeo-Christian world, we read Genesis, right? I mean, that's what we were raised with. We were raised with Genesis. In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. So that's the story, right? So we say, and then on the seventh day he rested, okay, okay, God rest, alright? And then Adam and Eve, and then, you know, you garden of Eden, okay, we're going along with the story and everything, and then, you know, and, well, that part about creating Adam first and then creating Eve out of a rib of Adam is, oh, your woman's like, that's kind of, could have at least created out of a rib of this guy. So then you start, and then you got this tree where Adam and Eve are forbidden from eating. So right away, we've got a God who's got a paradise, and the one thing we're getting from this God initially in Genesis is forbid. I don't know if you want to have that to be your heavenly parent, forbidding. It sounds a little bit earthly to me, this forbid word, earth parents forbid. Why would God of eternity, of love start forbidding? Already I have to start to question the story when, and God forbid Adam and Eve to eat from the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. First of all, why forbidding? Why would God of eternity be forbidding? Second of all, why put the tree in paradise in the first place to tempt Adam and Eve? It sounds a little bit sinister to me, a God of unconditional love forbidding and then putting a tree and saying, now, don't eat the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. What happens when you have children and you tell them not to do something? What happens when you tell children not to eat out of the cookie jar? What happens when you tell children to keep out of the freezer, don't eat any ice cream? Don't smoke? What happens if you tell a teenager don't have sex? We know what happens forbidding and telling people don't do something when it's right in front of their face. Does this sound like something that the God of love would do? I'd say there's something fishy about Genesis and this is the first book of the Bible and I was raised with the whole thing and of course the miracles Jesus actually addresses Genesis and he addresses the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and what does he say in the Course? God would never put you in such a position. Oh my gosh this clever ingenious puff of nothingness is even woven through Genesis of the Bible and you can start to see that this world has an origin of hatred. It was made with the purpose of hatred. It was made as a projected device to try to get rid of hatred while still keeping it as we talked about earlier an ingenious device to keep you stuck in self-hatred for millennium which it invented as well the world was made in hatred but the Holy Spirit answered this with love, with forgiveness and it didn't take the Holy Spirit time to answer, the Holy Spirit answered simultaneously so now our job is simply to accept the forgiveness not that God has to forgive us because one this doesn't even know about a fall or fall from grace or separation, one this is still one this but if you're sleeping and dreaming and you forgot that love then really you need forgiveness for yourself forgiveness of this tiny mad idea forgiveness for the belief you can be the author of yourself that you can create yourself that's what this whole course is really about. It's really forgiveness for you first and therefore for the rest of the universe because it's really a forgiveness of identity accept a little tiny identity instead of the best identity that God created you with so this is the shift we're doing now we're shifting from hatred to love as I said in the parable of David David was raised, he was very shy he never talked to anybody he didn't like to travel he was a wallflower he was very isolated very few friends lonely rest a lot of anger underneath a lot of isolation and then taking on a new purpose this spirit-given purpose has brought forth showers of witnesses of happiness laughter, hugs, love funny movies that are profound all these witnesses are flooding in because the purpose has shifted you will simply reflect back to you the purpose that you hold in mind so if you have a split mind you really have a split purpose you've got a death wish in there and a life wish and as long as you hold on to both the death wish and the life wish you're going to get mixed messages from the world but once you let go of the death wish then the world just reflects back to you your forgiveness your life wish so really all this world is about is calling forth witnesses and you all can probably think in your life of some of the most amazing miraculous witnesses that you've drawn forth you know we've all had that now it's just letting the scales tip and saying okay I'm going to really go for it and crank it up and I'm going to choose forgiveness is my purpose and I'm going to draw forth all these wonderful loving witnesses while I still believe in time I'll keep drawing forth more and more miraculous witnesses and even just watching a movie like this you can feel it happening like your mind's already shifting you're describing how you're already looking at those scenes those memories in a slightly different way and it feels good it feels much lighter the time aspect when you think about it I can feel almost time what is it it doesn't feel linear as you talk about it it's almost become I don't know how to describe it it just doesn't seem like it did an hour ago and then the film there just almost twisted something in my mind I think you're right really it's very symbolic because the last couple of days we also touched the topic of victim and what is not obvious is that the split desire of the death wish as well as the quiet's identity is also, the death wish is also being a victim identified as a victim and the other one is identified as a quiet's identity so either we call it forced witness of where victim, different scenarios to reinforce that and victim of the situation and victim of other people or just see at the end of this movie you probably go through the movie you think he's a victim of different scenarios and he's just not fair he's not very treated being very treated and he didn't do anything wrong he kept saying that in this movie I didn't do anything wrong I tried to maintain a life so that I make sure I'm secure, nothing the boat is not rocked because I'm trying to feel secure here but what is a point of maintaining a life a job, a relationship where whilst he was sitting on the dynamite he couldn't really feel secure no matter what, without really typing into what is underneath he's gonna be feeling like a victim, regardless probably the scenarios, the specifics will change but that is still a theme of all our lives even though in the geolistic world you can seem to shift between a victim or a victimizer you know sometimes I'm not a victim I'm confident I'm superior but it's the same feeling because you always can jump to the other side you never feel truly secure and strong in one of the two aspects so really in the end when the healing happens it's like a shift of the lenses, a shift of perspective at the end of the movie with all the things that happened you wouldn't see him as a victim anymore because that is his true healing and true help is that everything was set up so that he really get in touch with what is really going on and then he can really rise above and that is the way the perspective of our you know the way that we see ourselves and we see our lives will change as well as we keep following the spirit, we keep opening up to what is going on, not drawing conclusions he didn't really spend a lot of time justifying why he was unfairly treated but if we look at how we spend our energy if we feel like a victim we spend a lot of energy telling people about our stories and why we're mad and how to fix the specific situation and just imagine if that is all a setup it's not really true but it's all for a deeper purpose but we can't see the purpose when we're focusing on the specifics so just know there is a bigger perspective there is a bigger reason for everything and the purpose is to be able to get back to that bigger perspective and in the end we just keep giving our purpose to the Holy Spirit and allow him to guide us and then when all of these things keep hidden it's brought to surface and being forgiven we will see wow everything has happened for this everything has happened for me to open up and see that the one that is orchestrating everything for the healing is actually the same me I'm all powerful I am the ruler of the universe and that is finally the confidence and the strength to come in it's who I am that will shift not who I am will shift awareness of who I am will shift so to say that not to be a victim in a specific situation it's just like to say forgiveness in a specific situation it is not really the genuine healing we're going for authentic healing from the bottom up it says a lot in the course about being able to fail okay I certainly feel I can't fail for the first time this is such I don't know the surety there we can't fail if this is the way it all worked yeah yeah it's more than just escaping from the ego's world that's coming out from the negative it's accepting who you are which really has nothing to do with the world or escape it just seems when you're trapped that escape is an important thing if you're in a prison you want out of the prison there's something inside that says I don't belong here this is not me to be trapped that doesn't feel natural to be trapped but that's from the negative perspective when you come into the fullness of identity then it's like that workbook lesson myself, capital S self is ruler of the universe that's a very different perspective then how can I get out that my capital self is ruler of the universe and in that self in that beautiful workbook lesson we know the song from Lisa but it is impossible for anything to come to me unbidden by myself even in this world it is I that rule my destiny this is from the course this is directly from Jesus even in this world it is I that rule my destiny what happens is what I desire and what does not occur is what I do not want to happen it just doesn't get any more clear than that I mean Jesus is like saying you are doing it to yourself and what happens is what I desire and what does not occur is what I do not want to happen that's just as direct as you can be there's no room for victimhood in that statement it's totally it's totally ego proof if you actually give yourself over to that one sentence you could never be a victim what happens is what I desire and what does not occur is what I do not want to happen so it's that the unconscious is so varied that the mind will say well I I didn't choose to be sick I didn't choose to have a war in Syria I didn't choose these things not consciously the mind is so powerful if there's still unconscious desires and beliefs that you could separate from God and all the self-hatred from that that's what seems to draw forth these witnesses that are not so loving but the mind is getting exactly what it wants it just doesn't know what it wants it's split it's got a split desire it keeps vacillating back and forth between love and fear and we can draw forth some beautiful miraculous experiences we can also draw forth some very very dark experiences while we believe in the hatred the self-hatred so it starts to come together you start to see okay and somebody mentioned too that everything that seems to happen to me I ask for and receive as I have asked that comes from a passage in the course I am responsible for what I see I choose the feelings I experience and I decide upon the goal I would achieve and everything that seems to happen to me I ask for and receive as I have asked you could write those down you could get tattoos of that one on one arm and on the other one what happens is what I desire and what does not occur is what I do not want to happen so if you ever attempted to have a grievance in this world pull up your sleeves and go whoa I am responsible for what I see you know the whole thing and over here what happens is what I desire and there is just no room in there for grievance unless you really want to deceive yourself royally to maintain a stance that some things happen to me apart from what I am asking for and isn't that what the Bible said really as you sow so shall you reap karma what you give is what you get giving and receiving are the same all that I give I give to myself I mean how many ways do we need it spoken to us and how many traditions and you can go into different cultures and languages the golden rule is there the law of giving and receiving is the same all of the perennial wisdom is just that we need to practice it now and we need to be gentle and kind with ourselves and release these attack thoughts because they aren't serving us how do you keep attack thoughts well by seeing them projected onto the world and pointing the finger oh there is the victim there is the victimizer projection is a way of trying to get rid of something that you do not want attack thoughts by seeing them outside yourself so oh this person did this oh there is an evil world oh it's a doggy dog world oh it's never going to improve you know all these kind of dark kind of cliches and ideas are all just a projection of attack thoughts as if the world is doing it to you and then when you heal and you forgive you start to realize I have no need for attack thoughts at all am I ever upset because of what a person says no even though that's all we've been raised with you make me mad you hurt my feelings you're making me angry you better watch it I feel hurt you know or it's it could be something that any character says a mother says oh I gave birth to you I suffered a childbirth for you and you're not going to pick up that carton of milk for me on the way home I mean it can come in many ways many angles of all I did for you and this is the way you treat your mother your father your son you see how it's common in the language it's turning the screws it's saying something outside of me has the power to hurt me what does the Course say I can be hurt by nothing but my thoughts and what thoughts are those that hurt attack thoughts and what's lesson number 23 say I can escape the world I see by giving up attack thoughts you see how a real solid system of salvation it's not kind of airy-fairy or you know like sometimes we tried our best with the Bible we really did I mean there's so many sincere Christians who have read the Bible and have really just prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed to be shown please show me lead me there are many many sincere Christians it's just now 2000 years later with the Course in case you missed it in case you missed it the first time around it's so spelled out now it's like you know you really can't miss it you can't mess it up at this point not with all your angels your mighty companions clear teachings like the Course step-by-step lessons one lesson a day really simple lessons they aren't even complicated it's only got two instructions that come with each lesson don't do more than one lesson a day and as best you can don't make any exceptions to the lesson that's a pretty clear set of instructions two instructions and only one lesson a day to concentrate on you can practice that at work you can practice that traveling you can practice that on the top of Mount Everest you could get to the top of Mount Everest and be on whatever your workbook the best lesson is and just practice right there with what it looks like from the peak of Mount Everest you don't even have to be in special places convent monasteries around special people isn't that wonderful that you're given such a tool that you can just practice right where you seem to be without even having to change the form what you're talking about to see it in the world and what stands out for me is to encourage people and that's something I kept thinking to myself as I was seeing that what is that reflecting to me because I was seeing them in lack I was seeing some of them in suffering and also knowing it's a choice because did you just feel any for me I was probably saying when I was questioning if you now want to release this and if you haven't released it you can still see it so this is something you could Well, yeah, I mean to me the most obvious symbol of having this comfort around preceding homeless people is is that the mind that is preceding the world even preceding a world is homeless in the ultimate sense we have movies like The Wizard of Oz with Dorothy seemingly being taken up in a cyclone and going through this very difficult time with the Wicked Witch, the West and flying monkeys and sadness and all kinds of things it's like a little metaphor of The Wizard of Oz one of the more recent movies was Steven Spielberg's E.T and when you reach the point where it's E.T. phone home everyone everyone cries because there's a homeless little creature there little green homeless creature with a skinny neck and big beautiful eyes and everybody who's watching the movie has fallen in love with E.T. and phone home and the little boy who's going to help him with all the police and get him he's going to take him on his bike and put him in his basket and pedal as hard as he can to help E.T. go home phone home and go home and then ultimately the bites of the boy and all the other boys are all lifted into the air and everyone because there's a you want E.T. to go home you follow the story it's our story we're putting it in a little cute little creature just recently my three-legged cat piss but she had a face that was so adorable I always said if she ever gets discovered by Hollywood I'll lose her because she'll be starring in some famous movie like E.T. but she stayed with me and meditated all the way it was not distracted or attempted with Hollywood underneath it all is this deep desire to go home now how do you undo that well miracles there's no order of difficulty in miracles so back in the 1990s when I had a group of students that I was working with we would do all kinds of things one time in Denver I sent them out two by two into the streets of Denver with like $20 each to give it over to the Holy Spirit and they came back with all these miraculous stories of encountering people on the streets and how the Spirit poured through them and sometimes through the homeless people the miracles the wisdom that they heard it was just we all lit up together other times I would go like in downtown Cincinnati and they would like follow me around just to see how I interacted with everyone because it's so spontaneous so in the moment it's just we're here to extend love but we have to be inspired by the Spirit to do that we can't just pretend to know what to do based on our past learning and we've had that experience I've had that experience in third world countries and many many many experiences where where the miracle sees no difference between somebody in this world who seems to be very wealthy and well to do but is crying out in their soul because they feel very lonely and isolated and somebody who seems to be on the street who seems to be lacking in the material things the Spirit shows us the sameness of everything that it's always our own call for love our minds call for love and the only way that we release ourselves is by being in the service of Jesus and the Holy Spirit and teaching ourselves what we would learn over and over extending the miracle extending the miracle it grows stronger and stronger in our awareness and some day it starts to dawn it's like oh my gosh I am a miracle worker when we were little we would never have even given ourselves the consideration of being a miracle worker that's reserved for the saints like Jesus and everything like this Mother Mary and all these ones but it's literally for us so when you step into it then that's when you feel your heart bursting open there was one time where there was a friend of mine Mary and Kirsten and I had just finished a course of miracles gathering in St. Louis Missouri and we came out and we were just so bubbly and happy and we were walking down the street and this man we saw him across the street came limping dragging himself across to us and he was limping and he was curled up and he was shaking and he was saying can you help me can you help me and we were also lit up that if they had recorded this like a video recording we were so absolute with God and the truth that he would say things like I'm in great need and I need this and I need that and he was stuttering and everything by the time the interaction finished like in five minutes his stutter was gone the man straightened up his limp was gone and he still felt that he needed to buy something at the store across the way that he said he needed for and he had a smile on his face and he walked straight across the store with no limp no curl, no stutter we just were all just laughing because we absolutely were so much in the truth that we couldn't see anything else but that we were just glowing and radiating that and then his image just lit right up to reflect our mind but it was a real quick transformation almost like a new character was reborn but it's the power of the mind you see that and I see it all the time like when I was in Argentina I often times would go to groups and people would come in curious and this and this but serious on their faces and then as the evening would go on the faces light up the eyes start to sparkle the smiles bursting laughter and then my translator sitting next to me looking out on the crowd as they're translating while I'm speaking and going this is like a box seat I got the best seat in the house I'm watching the whole place light up with the miracles and you can see the shift because everybody knows this inside we're not talking about anything new everybody recognizes this when they're receptive their faces light up watching this movie if there is a perception of victimhood or unfairness it's the mind interpreting it and still believe there is a belief in the mind that's what you see and what you interpret in a specific situation but of course for people who have seen it a couple of times they know the whole picture they stop interpreting it that way and if that applies to everything to opress our lives we trust the Holy Spirit so much we have seen the miracles so many times then when situations come up a new situation come up even if there is kind of temptation to slip into the wrong mindiness and the old interpretation you somehow feel even like watching this movie halfway if I tell you the first half is over then you watch the second half you will think well maybe let's see just stop interpreting for a moment and wait and see maybe this is a setup too you stop straight away judging the situation interpreting and that's what I find when we follow the Spirit the trust just starts to grow the more we follow the trust starts to build up and we see that we work out together for good so we actually wash away all these interpretations victim whose thoughts and even what is life when you change the definition interpretation of what is life you stop interpreting death the same way so perceiving death and sickness there will be not association with suffering to that anymore there are many questions about vegetarianism and killing animals there is a general enable to interpret killing animal as death animals being dead because there is no life in flesh therefore there is no death in flesh in and of itself so therefore you can see how that applies to everything the whole interpretation about this world just all change transformed on the other side the coin of the attack because I just realized that trying to find happiness outside of myself is also an attack on that right? it seems like a subtle form my life is pretty good it's pretty good not many symbols of attack or something like that but there seems to be this attachment to the happy symbols I already mentioned I know I just feel that I see now maybe a different level of it because everything is different this movie just broke up this so it seems like it's more difficult to let this go why is it so difficult because I am feeling that maybe that's my because I don't know who I am really and all I know is this experience and I have a feeling that okay I want to let this go but I will let this go only if I already saw what I am really and then I can be ready to let it go so it's like a trade of course yeah that's exactly it I always say the Holy Spirit has the convincing job you shouldn't ever try to take on this spiritual journey as a human being put it all on the Holy Spirit say it's all on you you convince me and who would give up something that they still believed was valuable for the big question mark something that's promised you know it's almost like somebody coming to you and say oh I'll marry me and I'll give you free diamond rings and I'll buy you a big house and all these promises and you have to feel in your heart is this one for real is this happening to me is this really happening to me is this for real because you have to discern whether it's an actual honorable proposal or it's not the Holy Spirit the Bible has many promises in it and the Course has many promises and yet you need to be convinced you need to have experiences that actually show you that demonstrate to you that's true so this is where there's no sacrifice and I know during the one on one Don and I had the day I was getting all these beautiful parables and use your ego belief system uses your preferences even uses the things that you still desire and turns the tables right on the ego because it uses those very things that you still prefer to show you beyond a shadow of a doubt that you're perfect and so I call them whims now what's the difference between a whim and seeking outside yourself for satisfaction in the world well when you're seeking outside of yourself and you want something let's say you want a partner or a spouse or a nice house or to live in this country or to live in that country or to live by the equator where it's warm all the time tropical whatever you have in your mind or your life if you turn those into goals then again you've made those goals into an end and you will use your mind as a way to get those goals and then the mind is a means and the body of course the body is the great benefactor of all the minds toiling going to meaningless jobs and doing meaningless things is to earn money the benefactor the body is always the benefactor and the mind has to slave away doing things that it really wasn't made to do in the first place it wasn't created you think God would create a mind to do math you think God would create a mind to read or speak or navigate time and space when God doesn't even know time and space the ego has made up this whole mechanism of the mind, the brain, the body and everything and now the mind is a slave and guess who the king and the queen is the body so now you're having you're feeling joy bubbling up soft strong joy that's leading you on it's leading you towards the deeper experience of the miracle it's leading you down the rabbit hole towards the atonement but you still need to be convinced so that's a beautiful prayer the Holy Spirit is convince me convince me I'm the Christ bring it on say that to the Holy Spirit bring it on and be ready for for the ride of a lifetime I've noticed whenever you put that in your prayer to the Holy Spirit bring it on the Holy Spirit is like wow thank you for the invitation that's the way it is because the Spirit is more ready than ready the Spirit is more ready than you could ever be and it's just waiting for the invitation because the Holy Spirit can't come on a search and destroy mission with the ego it can't come unbidden you can't say no really not now not now and have the Holy Spirit come in you can feel it happening it's the beginning of the great the great journey into joy and all you're asking is to be convinced every day there's nothing on you nothing on Sandy where it's like on your shoulders what have I got to give up now do I have to give up my parties that's how the ego thinks it's like America that's the favorite fiesta fiesta fiesta fiesta I'm like yeah let's go for it art is the beauty about it that I feel that I can't not ready so I just have to play and please promise me yeah Spirit actually can use everything so when things are still in your life and still serves the mind to open up and forgive the Spirit can use all of these things there's nothing in and of itself is bad or good and then if you reach a point that you start outgrow things like parties you start to really see that there's other things that you would feel more inspired to get into that's the time that Spirit really is at work he will draw you to the next things it's always going to be through inspiration and it's really just before that step when we think ahead of time project on to the future that's the most fearful thinking that we have to do it we have to give up what we still have and project this big unknown and it's so scary but when it really reaches a point when you outgrow that and that's the only reason why you need to give up it doesn't serve your awakening anymore and when you reach that point it's not really scary everybody think it's a really hard scary journey because almost like we have to give up something that is valuable no we only need to see what is truly valuable and valuable and when we see that the value will drop at some time what would be better than a party or going to parties than if your whole life was one continuous party you can imagine that's the only thing that could be better you see in your awareness if you were in such a jovial happy joyful party frame of mind parties is a celebration and that's really when you can't even look at human beings and say wow they work they try so hard they're spending so much of their day to survive and when they have a party it's like oh give them a break when people have a vacation they work 50 weeks of the year or 51 weeks of the year and then they have a week for a vacation or two weeks even that's just a symbol of take it easy take a rest and eventually when you do the mind training it turns around to a full time party and a full time rest a restful party you know yeah of course to be happy to sacrifice giving up things and sacrifice I don't understand why that can be that I see these things metaphysically cause I feel that I'm sorry I understand it but I still know it still pops up yeah I think the thing is just with what you've done in Budapest is you know you try try try many many things that's what the world is Jesus says that those who come to this world will seek because that's what they've come for everyone who seems to come to this world is a seeker by definition anybody that slips past we even have stories of the virgin birth now Jesus seemed to come as a seeker too and he was tempted in the desert and he had to go through the same temptations that all of us have to go through that's what makes him a good way shower I don't know about you but I don't know if I would necessarily follow one who was born the king of kings and he was the Christ at birth it's like oh great nice advantage there at the womb I start out as an ego and you start out as the Christ okay you're the way shower how come you got such a head start though he had to come to this world and go through the same temptations that all of us did and print send them which makes him a beautiful role model and an example that you can really join with as a friend and a companion and as an elder brother he's been through it all he's been through it and I think that's the thing for you you can start to realize well I'm going to keep being drawn into these experiences and already you can see how even your work with the Course it's becoming more of your life you're being drawn in by the joy drawn in by the miracles there's nobody twisting your arm saying to you you better become a miracle worker or it's not even your mother come on my daughter is supposed to be a miracle worker the next Jesus Christ don't slack off there you've been doing your miracles this week there's nothing pushing you you're being drawn voluntarily through your heart and that's just going to grow and grow because none of us Francis, I, the messengers and everything we were all clueless about the spirituality we all have our own different stories Francis says that she was raised in an atheistic family and basically was about education and upward mobility and success and independence and being strong and independent there was nothing about she doesn't say oh yes I was raised in ancient non-dualistic traditions of Taoism Buddhism and this and this and I came to America in a lace dress and angels were surrounding me I came to the west to bring the non-dualistic truth of the Orient but she said no she came to University of Chicago to get the best job that she could get and make the most money that she could, you know none of us had pure motives we come just as clueless as everybody and then somehow something happens like with me getting into the course Francis was into the course she had a large course group in Sydney, you know even before I met her she was doing it but you're drawn in and then deeper you get into it you go what is this where is this taking me this isn't even human and it's like it isn't there's really nothing human about it it's just using the symbols to convince us of our divinity I mean so convince us that we have such certainly of who we are that we never doubt again we never look back we never go off we just come into certainty yeah I mean my dream, my childhood dream is to be able to travel and I have to in my own mind I have to make it happen myself I have to earn a lot of money and then one day when I retire at time and I have a lot of money then I can travel around the world so when I started to follow this journey I thought I have to give everything up I don't know I would never have money again I don't know what is in front of me but really and my mom was saying you would never be like David to live in divine providence it works for him but not working not working for other people it's not that you're working for him but I really just you know seek for the kingdom of heaven everything will be added to you now I travel I'm not doing it on my own I'm not trying to make it happen on my own earn the means so that I can achieve this you know it's just become a constant holiday and just to do what I'm passionate about and everything is provided for and now I hear people saying to me you never do what you do living in divine providence it doesn't work for others I was like but I've heard this before it's back he goes like a split-up part of my mind is that correct my higher mind is still intact I try to figure out if that's the right word to use as to why part of my mind was split up from the perfection it was you know yeah that's the I call it the number one question really around the world you've come to the number one question and it has different forms you know how could it split off how did the impossible happen to whom did the impossible happen it just comes in many many variations and in the clarification of terms of the Course of Miracles Jesus says the ego will ask any questions that this Course has no answer for he does say that there will be an experience that will come that will end your doubting so the ego is the questioning mechanism of the mind it asks the first question what am I and then every question got milk and everything other question that comes after it is all a reverberation identity question Christ never asked that question so when we get into this part of trying to understand the split off how could such a thing happen and so on and so forth there is a point where where you start to realize okay well wait a minute maybe I should go back in the text then and look at what it's actually saying and it's saying you know how we talked about responsibility today that's been like a major theme it says the sole responsibility of the teacher of God at one point he says and the sole responsibility of the miracle worker is to accept the atonement for himself so maybe the answer to the question if we go in deeper is in the atonement because that's our only responsibility all these earth responsibilities are made to reinforce guilt how good is a good enough father does anybody a good enough father a good enough mother you see how it's all set up so that we'll always feel like we're lacking we're not living up to the standard there's always better you know we're less how good is a good enough lover how good is a good enough citizen you know whatever how good is a good enough course American student you see it can take many forms in very subtle forms but the atonement is the goal the atonement is the sole responsibility and how does Jesus define the atonement he says that it's the experience that the separation never occurred you see that is the experience of which the course aims it doesn't promise us theological answers to impossible questions because the whole book was written as if he puts the two words as if in italics to really emphasize it as if the mind is split as if the separation occurs the Holy Spirit has got to put it in a form that humans can relate to it would be like if Jesus showed up 2000 years ago and said all is one good afternoon good evening and good night and he was gone he just appeared as an apparition he was here for 10 seconds he said all is one good afternoon good evening good night and then poof he was gone you wouldn't even be reading about this guy in history books probably somebody would go whoever saw it would go I think I'm hallucinating but no he was here for three years publicly traveling healing teaching sharing giving examples correcting from the bottom up and demonstrating love and action it wasn't a 10 second little all is one and good afternoon good evening good night so really there's no conceptual answer to the question it's part of a loop that the ego is looping in but when we actually give ourselves over to the course and we say there's got to be a better way like Helen Shuckman said to Bill Thetford and we actually give ourselves to apply it then we are drawn into an experience that the separation never happened but inside the loop all the evidence points to that it did because it's made out of belief and there's no beliefs in heaven it's just like a circular belief that keeps witnessing to the original belief in separation we have to demonstrate it in other words in the end it won't be through our eloquent speaking that we demonstrate it it will be through our attitude our happiness God's will for you is perfect happiness that's going to be our demonstration of the truth and we may not say a word at that point it's just going to be whether you speak or not it's all involuntary but really it's your attitude to be able to say I'm stuck in my ego at the same time perfection I was created as God and God created the perfection that gives me the possibility that it's within my mind why would I want to spit my mind just perfect in the worst ways if the perfection was perfect why would I want to spit out well let's go to the first part you said if I was created by God I would say now that's a fact ok now if that's a fact that everything has to have a source everything has to have a source and who you are has a source now the question then comes to sometimes people ask me well what's the source of the ego that's another version of coming at it from a different angle but actually the ego has no source sometimes I call it a bastard child it actually has no identity and it has no source it's causeless and coming to that experience of the causelessness of the ego and the cause and effect relationship between God and Christ that's everything so we start to realize that as long as I'm caught up in linear time and the story then I believe that the ego is my father I believe that I remember I said that the ego created the body or made the body as long as we identify with the body and the story we're saying in essence that the ego is our creator, our father and then once we let go of our identification with the body we let our mind be used for miracles and washed of the identification with the body then we come back into alignment with God as my source so one of the YouTube somebody made Andy might know who's your daddy that's one of my YouTube's who's your daddy this question could be asked a thousand times a day who's my daddy who do I give my allegiance to to love or fear to eternity or to time so when you look at it in terms of the intellectual mind is going to want to draw a a reason you know you're asking the question which in the world seems like the most reasonable question why or how those are like two of the most basic basic questions but I still come back to that Immanuel Kant thing of how do we know what we know if there's love in us and love created us we must have that still within us that must be the answer whatever the question is love must be the answer but it has to be an experience it can't be another concept to answer the concepts of whether it's fear or no asking the question it's like I've suppressed something from how you're saying if I'm operating from the evil mind I'm in a loop and I'm going around the surface looking for answers in the wrong place I've tried so many times to connect the spirit to my own research and it's gotten me here in one sense and it's like what's the next step I've been at the scene I've found a lot of things quite difficult I wasn't happy not much more than I was before I went over to my own I've been at it for two weeks I can't say that to enjoy it from the happy but through a transition at a difficult stage in myself and it's like the book answers so many questions that have been asked I'm not going to say there's no answer to it I know this isn't your topic today it's such a kind of thing coming from you I'm still in that strange place Yeah this thing that you can't really put a finger on is like a thing kind of called readiness because you know some people have said I'm willing I'm willing I wouldn't be here I have willingness and the Course keeps saying you have to keep coming up with that's your part, a little willingness the Holy Spirit's job is convincing it's your part it's just a little willingness but I say sometimes to people even if you're willing if you're not ready out of fear even the willingness you have to be patient with the willingness because you know how they have that cliche ready and willing you know it's a kind of powerful combination ready and willing the readiness we can't put a finger on because you couldn't even say metaphorically it's like from lifetimes like the Orangia book some of you have heard of where Jesus had like seven bestowals on earth it wasn't until his seventh bestowal he was ready to boom pop through the veil for all of us the first one to this is a very clever ingenious cloaking device forget the fig leaf of Eve having to cover an atom with a fig leaf we've got a cosmic fig leaf we're dealing with of time and space that's covering over our divinity and Jesus had so called seven bestowals before he finally really got the ultimate lesson that none of it was real and so I see what you're talking about is I see your willingness because you know you've come you came to al-Azina you've given yourself over to these teachings and last it was yesterday or the day before I had a call with a friend of mine in Australia and she's been on this journey for years working working and one day she just burst into tears and she just cried a river for like three hours like sobbing and all the while she was sobbing she was trying to use her affirmations and course lessons it was like an uncontrollable hurt sobbing like an uncontrollable grief for three hours tears tears tears and she was raised Catholic so all she kept thinking of was like Fatima like Mary and the tears coming down Mary for the whole world you know and when I talked with her she said you know I am I am getting this feeling after these three hours of crying that that there's something really important that I'm here for and that I have a very important task or calling that I that's what all of that tears was about like it's unnecessary suffering is unnecessary tears are unnecessary there's something to get that shows that all of that is unnecessary it's so important it's for the whole universe it's not for you personally it's like it's for the whole universe that's why you're here you're here as the savior of the world not personally but in mind and so I would read this part of the course where I had all these questions questions and the course would help with the answers and then I read the part where Jesus said are you ready to help me save the world it turned around it was a question for me you know are you ready he said to help me save the world it's like he's saying I need you I really need you this was like the spirit of Christ calling and saying I need you and for me that's what I talked to my friend about hours of crying she's she was like can you help me what is happening to me what is going on with me with his tears for three hours I said you are being activated there's something inside you that is becoming activated to your calling and all of us we just come to it when we're ready it's not something we can do like exercise or even practice to speed it up it's like when we're ready we are activated and when we are activated there's no stopping us it's like a time lapse like a time bomb goes off where something inside of us goes enough enough enough of the error absolutely enough there's something that rises up inside and it's like it's so strong and the Christ just connects with it immediately it's like yeah here we go when you get activated so that's really what you're just opening to is that activation and it's such a closed loop that even if you go and have some experiences and it's difficult this is not surprising if you talk to different volunteers in our community they'll tell you about the difficult times Andy is with us here in Mexico and he's come through 12 steps and he's come through like depression and depression medication and cycles of depression and hung in there and he's coming back coming back because there's an activation that's happening inside there it's like here I am Lord do you know it I'm coming and even with all these dark things that come you know there has to be that activation that carries you through and you gain a sense of confidence that you won't be stopped you know you won't be stopped I mean I know what you're saying about being sick of myself and this kind of a crazy woman and yeah that's what's bringing me here and yeah I've been really aware in the last 20 years when you're sick you're sick you're something you're old and to me that was a great phrase I have felt that various different times over the years I'm sick of this place I'm not happy here I want to get out for sure I know it's brought me this far and it's just sometimes I get so frustrated with being in this position of knowing the phrase of this that I have about true I know you just said about ready I'm not sure but it's just very frustrating I think too of like Sandy was talking about as you work with this course or you work with spirituality you watch things arise it could be something in your mind like I like my parties not ready to let go of my parties I would like a boyfriend that would be very nice for my mind training right now or whatever it is that starts to come up we do have to allow everything up we have to allow our desires up we have to let everything up and I think that's very authentically a beautiful beautiful step of coming to self honesty like I had a friend of mine who was like a first violinist and a symphony and he invited me to his town to speak at his unity church and I was in the middle of the afternoon talk and he's the guy hosting me and he goes well he started talking about lesson 128 the world I see holds nothing that I want and he put his hand up and he goes that's when I shut the book he said I made it to 128 and I just he said I opened it up and I read the world I see holds nothing that I want and I just said that is not true and he closed the book he looked at me and he goes and I said well 129 is an amazing lesson and he said what's that and he actually shut his practice at 128 and it was beyond this world is a world I want you see how Jesus never rips anything out from you never rips a rug out without giving you what you truly want he just doesn't work that way that's the goal keep moving the cheese just when you keep grabbing for it he moves it higher and higher that's what the ego is doing ego is giving us false cheese we never can get the cheese we just keep grabbing for it seeking and seeking and not finding Jesus said seek and you shall find knock and the door shall be open remember that from the bible he's positive he can deliver and never deliver on it's death wish it wants you dead and Jesus knows that's not going to happen so once you start opening up in that authentic way you will have these little decision points where it's more like we talk about it's how you outgrow things it's not that Francis let go of this and let go of that I think really you just outgrew them and just like a child there's no toys there's no big announcement when the toys are left in the yard or in the hallway they don't go okay this is it so last time I will ever ride my tricycle now I want everybody to come here and let's have a little prayer here for the last time there's no big event it's gone I mean they just don't use the toy anymore they've outgrown it that will continue just take heart in that it works I see the messengers here and I see you and I see a lot of people here you see that there's quite a lot of happiness as well also in spanish I should have told you I had a very nice mystical experience of course you got kicked in a couple of days later but it's around to you and me to get something that answers well if it helps too I say this a lot when my travels around the world I feel like every person that I meet we are lifelong companions on a very very high goal and that is the way that I feel it feels so profound that our meeting is not by accident that we've come together for the highest purpose there could ever be and that purpose takes top priority for everything it's like it reminds me of that song a friend is a friend forever if the Lord is the Lord of them that's the feeling that I get and this is nothing casual this is a very very deep commitment when we talk about commitments between husbands and wives and family commitments this is a commitment to a wake up call and that's what's called us together in this room we're calling forth witnesses to what we truly want in our heart we are activated we are not here to mess around we're not here to dilly dally we're not here delay is not our purpose it's actually miracles saving time and everyone contributes fully to that it's like this room is a collection of thoughts we're desiring to wake up with God we've surrounded ourselves with the collection of those witnesses that's quite an amazing thing when you look at a lifespan and you start to see these kind of collections showing up and these kind of movies that we're having this year we used to wait every 3, 4, 5, 6 months and occasionally we would get a real gem where we'd all be jumping up and down we'd all go and watch it and savor every frame like Groundhog Day you know, funny but it's a loop and Bill Murray was in another movie called The Man Who Knew Too Little where he was told at the beginning of the movie that it was all theater and so they try to poison him kill him, shoot him, strangle him everything that you would say is the worst thing that could happen to you in the world and they try to play through all of that not feeling like he's even having a bad day because he's got the mindset that it's all theater improv theater and it's coming at you that it's just play, it's play acting even when the bullets come and dust from the bullets spark into his eye hey, hey, watch it almost like hey, that's a little real and he's back in his happy frame of mind they can't strangle him they can't shoot him even at one point they give him truth serum because they think he's like an invincible American agent because he's so fearless he's simply got the mindset that it's all play acting so he doesn't take anybody who's going to try to hurt him rob him, beat him and they tie him up, they gag him they do all these things they finally give him this truth serum and they're trying to find out I think he's an American super spy who do you work for they give him this truth serum which country do you work for who do you work for who do you work for he goes, he's got his blindfold on blockbuster video, Des Moines, Iowa the truth serum works and they go oh, he's so good because they think they think he's now fought off the truth serum they still give a fake occupation but he's actually just giving the truth but his self-concept is so little he's not some big tycoon powerful president or head of a company he works at a video store in Iowa and he's his fun loving Bill Murray's self he's still going through his lessons but he's convinced that it's all play action that his brother's paid money for this thing to come to him and the characters get switched so he gets in the middle of all these espionage plots and murder and all the things that the world says the worst kind of things and his perspective is he's absolutely invulnerable because he thinks it's all just to play and don't you see that's what the Holy Spirit is working with us on to do that with our families our jobs our countries he's wanting to say come on it's a skit remember to laugh this is laughable but when you take the characters so seriously and you believe you're a real character and they're real characters and they mean arm to your character then that's where the fear comes in and the depression and the anxiety it's taking all this so seriously and it does happen so on this journey more and more we found we can't interpret everything that is happening our experience become less familiar you know you always feel like you're in a zone that you don't really you have no past reference you don't really know how to interpret and the ego really wants to interpret and grab some past reference to say this is what it means this is what it's about put a name, put a label and try to raise questions you can get an answer you can solve so that you can get out of this but this unfamiliar situation don't try to interpret it as good or bad or you know try to conclude just allow yourself to move and stay and move through as time pass by because that's believe it or not it will be actually kind of theme of this awakening journey you just feel more and more in this unknown zone and the mind stops trying to interpret anything and you realize I don't really know how to interpret anything and I allow my mind to just to open and to just jump in this vast experience and then see you know David used to say this awakening journey is damn, damn, damn, damn, damn and the ah doesn't happen until the end it's like this movie he didn't really know he was so clueless all throughout the healing until when the whole perspective kicks in, kicks in you know and just don't be disheartened when there is some kind of you know disorientation happening and there's things that you can't interpret or you're not familiar with or you can't get an immediate answer just know that you're going through a journey moving through darkness and you're you know this is a mystical journey it's unknown you know seemingly we're reaching towards something that is completely not in this world just keep moving forward and don't stop and beat yourself up or try to judge anything yeah I think one of the helpful work for Les is for me with lesson number 13 a meaningless world and gender sphere he said he's saying no it's not that a hostile world and gender sphere or a violent world and gender sphere all these kind of attributes given to the world it's meaninglessness that arouses great fear in the separated ones and so when you think of something like suicide and you hear somebody having suicidal thoughts sometimes they will say things like I've come to the end of my rope or I've absolutely found no meaning in this world I'm going to kill myself and I will actually put that meaninglessness before I'm going to kill myself I've lost all hope there's no meaning to be found and actually Jesus actually describes this in his text where he says all of the roadways of the world lead to death he doesn't say some isn't that interesting that he would use a word like all in that sense all of the roadways of the world lead to death so imagine that you will say incarnated or you've come to a place where all of the roadways of the world lead to death on some you travel gaily for a while okay in the beautiful gaily sounds kind of Irish he's quite Irish there he's just turning that little Irish they all lead to death but oh but there are some pretty good roads and I'm quite gay on a few of those roads but the thing about it is you know we're not really travel gaily for a while it's like a trick it's like a trick oh it's black yeah and he does describe in the back of his text he says like the world is the self-concept has two tears there's the face of innocence sometimes it's wet with tears at the injustices of the world and everything but it's a pretty good person I'm not too bad of a a guy, I'm not too bad of a girl I'm pretty decent but some of these wicked things that happen to me I didn't even ask for them and they're just terrible I have to cry occasionally but I wipe it off and travel gaily a little bit more it's very schizophrenic like you're trying your best to be gay and you feel a little mask it's the top tear and then the bottom tear is so dark that Jesus uses the phrase the unconscious mind is like draped with sin draped draped with sin you know it's dark and that's why the top tear was made so you would never have to look upon what's underneath now we get into the course oh here comes it's coming up oh you get to face all the darkest thoughts you've ever had because now you're calling on the light you want to wake up from the dream so I think that's an important thing to remember is that we're not going for some temporary highs here we're going for a thorough cleaning a washing of the mind I've had some people say to me I don't know the course sounds like brainwashing to me and I say it is mindwashing I agree with them I try to steer them clear I say oh yeah it's mindwashing alright it's more intense than brainwashing it's really getting in there the mind, the crevices you know with the light it's like with a high powered spray gun blasting all the cred out of there so you start to realize what you're in for but then you look around and you see your mighty companions and you see wow I'm drawing forth witnesses of people that seem to be they're interested in waking up and they're even more so than that they're interested in being transparent and authentic they're witnessing to me that it's okay to be transparent I'm not going to be rejected I'm not going to be thrown away because I have some dark emotions coming up isn't that lovely that we're actually making the turn now where it's okay it's acceptable we're giving ourselves permission and allowance for that to happen it's marvelous it's a marvelous step forward because who would want to pretend you know with or maintain this pretense none of us, it takes too much energy to hold this mask up we're just, we're finished this morning is still with time we're going to start this morning something happened to me this morning and I thought it might make us responsible but when I'm through the day I realize that it was something to do with that once you get it I went down to the for breakfast and I overhear voices the team didn't arrive to do breakfast and I'm suddenly and I just this guilt came over me to the point where I had to go look on the floor it wasn't me that was on but I had to go confirm it on the board upstairs where they were perhaps this guilt just kind of came over me and I'm kind of thinking it just feels like there's a lot of six months I followed this will nice, steady path that's the logic of it for me to say now again I hear the voice I hear it and I also probably realize I've always heard it I've always listened to it and then suddenly I'm faced with the thing and I just have absolutely no idea what it came from we're trained to just be ready for anything absolutely anything like you might if you are doing some kind of a deep discipline any kind of discipline or including a spiritual discipline Jesus does have a part in the course where he says help prepare your mind for what seems to be the crisis or the emergency which will come out of the blue that's in your show out of the blue comes Francis out of the blue comes guilt for you this morning hey hey hey I'm having a pretty good awakening journey here and where did you come from the Loch Ness monster comes up but the thing about it is for myself and the messengers that's you're describing our lives we've had to be ready because things just come at us it wasn't long ago you were down in Mexico with something with abscess teeth and your whole face just blew up like a balloon but then again all you can do is mind watch all you can do you didn't talk to me when it was happening I thought I was going to die I just was like really thinking die but then again it just came out of the blue it came unexpected or whatever all you can do is again watch your mind that really explains that we don't really need to dig because things will come up like whatever that's unconscious once we give the invitation to the spirit it will come up when the time is right when you're ready so there is no real cause and effect of what inform causes what happens just when it comes up there is a invitation because there is a deep invitation and then as they come up we don't try to definitely not try to solve them so that we don't experience them just know okay there's something very deep that's arising and then all that we can do is to not suppress and to the best ability to really allow it to unfold and to reveal itself maybe expressing will be helpful maybe talking will be helpful maybe just noticing it but just not trying to avoid it or how do I fix it how do I so that I don't experience it it happens for a reason it happens for a reason at this time and then just as long as we're willing to just allow it then just know that healing is under the control of the Holy Spirit it's not something that we need to bring up it's not something that we need to fix it's the Holy Spirit our cooperation with the Holy Spirit is just not to hide it and to just yeah this is on my mind I notice it what is the most helpful just keep it there the form will be very guided maybe you feel guided to to express maybe you feel guided to to get into some kind of project or function that part is completely will be shown to you that's again what we need purpose and function so much because when something comes up and we judge it is horrific you notice how the mind must then put a lot of attention to it and figure it out I'm going into victim mode I wasn't even on duty there's no logical reason for it it's somewhere deep in your mind it was like you allowed it you allowed it out and then more than that we have to stay with that allowance and allow it to be given over allow it to pass often times it helps to have a focus on what you are doing giving you that fulfillment that energy that momentum that motivation when we're serving spirit in some helpful way it gives us more energy it gives us more energy and we need all that in order to let this darkness pass through us we can't just sit back and go waiting for it to come either ready ready ready it's going to be today drop the atomic bomb on me the day of my emotions that's not you can't live in that but you can live in a joyful way of serving and doing what you're inspired to do and growing in that joy like Sandy's been saying intense joy that grows stronger and stronger and it's almost ah I can't handle it and that's a good problem bubbling joy you know the ego doesn't like that at all it's like it's threatened by that I've even had our friend Lisa she worked with course groups and temples and different things and at one point she was going to this one course of miracles group in Pennsylvania this temple and she would comment she would have all this joy she would just let it burst through her and burst through her people in her course group said something to her and she caught me up and she said my course group told me to tone down my joy it's almost like a puppy dog with a tail they told me to tone down my joy is that is that the Holy Spirit I say no it's not you see how sneaky it is when your course group tells you why then you see how it can come in any kind of witness we just can't buy the bait we just cannot buy the bait