 Chapter 39 of the Adventures of Peregrine Pickle, Volume 1. This is a LibriVox recording, all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Martin Giesen. The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle, Volume 1, by Tobias Smollett. Chapter 39. He is involved in an adventure at Paris, and taken prisoner by the city guard. Becomes acquainted with a French nobleman who introduces him in the Beaumont. They were no sooner settled in these lodgings than our hero wrote to his uncle in account of their safe arrival, and sent another letter to his friend Gauntlet, with a very tender Bea enclosed for his dear Emilia, to whom he repeated all his former vows of constancy and love. The next care that engrossed him was that of bespeaking several suits of clothes suitable to the French mode, and in the meantime he never appeared abroad except in the English coffee house, where he soon became acquainted with some of his own countrymen who were at Paris on the same footing with himself. The third evening after his journey he was engaged in a party of those young sparks at the house of a noted traiteur, whose wife was remarkably hamsome, and otherwise extremely well qualified for alluring customers to her house. To this lady our young gentleman was introduced as a stranger fresh from England, and he was charmed with her personal accomplishments, as well as with the freedom and gaiety of her conversation. Her frank deportment persuaded him that she was one of those kind creatures who granted favours to the best bidder, and on this supposition he began to be so importunate in his addresses, that the fair bourgeois was compelled to cry aloud in defence of her own virtue. Her husband ran immediately to her assistance, and finding her in a very alarming situation, flew upon her ravisher with such fury that he was feigned to quit his prey, and turn against the exasperated traiteur whom he punished without mercy for his impudent intrusion. The lady, seeing her yoke fellow treated with so little respect, espoused his cause, and fixing her nails in his antagonist's face, sacrificed all one side of his nose. The noise of this encounter brought all the servants of the house to the rescue of their master, and Peregrine's company opposing them a general battle ensued, in which the French were totally routed, the wife insulted, and the husband kicked downstairs. The publican, enraged at the indignity which had been offered to him and his family, went out into the street, and implored the protection of the gay, or city guard, which, having heard his complaint, fixed their bayonets and surrounded the door to the number of 12 or 14. The young gentlemen, flushed with their success, and considering the soldiers as so many London watchmen whom they had often put to flight, drew their swords, and sallied out with Peregrine at their head. Whether the guard respected them as foreigners, or inexperienced youths intoxicated with liquor, they opened to right and left, and gave them room to pass without opposition. This complacence which was the effect of compassion being misinterpreted by the English leader, he out of mere wantonness attempted to trip up the heels of the soldier that stood next him, but failed in the execution, and received a blow on his breast with the butt end of a fusil, that made him stagger several paces backward. Incensed at this audacious application, the whole company charged the detachment, sword in hand, and after an obstinate engagement in which diver's wounds were given and received, every soul of them was taken and conveyed to the main guard. The commanding officer being made acquainted with the circumstances of the quarrel, in consideration of their youth and national ferocity, for which the French make large allowances, set them all at liberty, after having gently rebuked them for the irregularity and insolence of their conduct, so that all our hero acquired by his gallantry and courage was a number of scandalous marks upon his visage that confined him a whole week to his chamber. It was impossible to conceal this disaster from Mr Jolta, who having obtained intelligence of the particulars, did not fail to remonstrate against the rashness of the adventure, which he observed must have been fatal to them had their enemies been other than Frenchmen, who of all people under the sun most rigorously observed the laws of hospitality. As the governor's acquaintance lay chiefly among Irish and English priests, and a set of low people who live by making themselves necessary to strangers, either in teaching the French language or executing small commissions with which they are entrusted, he was not the most proper person in the world for regulating the taste of a young gentleman who travelled for improvement in expectation of making a figure one day in his own country. Being conscious of his own incapacity, he contented himself with the office of a steward, and kept a faithful account of all the money that was dispersed in the course of their family expense. Not that he was acquainted with all the places which were visited by strangers on their first arrival at Paris, and he knew to a liard what was commonly given to the Swiss of each remarkable hotel, though with respect to the curious painting and statuary that everywhere abounded in that metropolis, he was more ignorant than the domestic that attends for a livre d'oeil. In short, Mr Jolter could give a very good account of the stages on the road, and save the expense of Antonini's detail of the curiosities in Paris. He was a connoisseur in ordinaries from 12 to 5 and 30 livre, knew all the rates of fiac and remise, could dispute with a tire or a traiter upon the articles of his bill, and scold the servants in tolerable French. But the laws, customs, and genius of the people, the characters of individuals, and scenes of polished life, were subjects which he had neither opportunities to observe, inclination to consider, nor discernment to distinguish. All his maxims were the suggestions of pedantry and prejudice, so that his perception was obscured, his judgment biased, his address awkward, and his conversation absurd and unentertaining. Yet, such as I have represented this tutor, are the greatest part of those animals who lead raw boys about the world, under the denomination of travelling governors. Peregrine therefore, being perfectly well acquainted with the extent of Mr Jolter's abilities, never dreamt of consulting him in the disposition of his conduct, but parceled out his time to the dictates of his own reflection, and the information and direction of his companions, who had lived longer in France, and consequently were better acquainted with the pleasures of the place. As soon as he was in a condition to appear à la Française, he hired a gentile chariot by the month, made the tour of the Luxembourg Gallery, Palais Royal, all the remarkable hotels, churches, and celebrated places in Paris, visited Saint-Clue, Marlis, Versailles, Trianneau, Saint-Germain, and Fontainebleau, enjoyed the opera, Italian and French comedy, and seldom failed of appearing in the public walks in hopes of meeting with Mrs Hornbeck, or some adventure suited to his romantic disposition. He never doubted that his person would attract the notice of some distinguished innermorata, and was vain enough to believe that few female hearts were able to resist the artillery of his accomplishments, should he once find an opportunity of planting it to advantage. He presented himself, however, at all the spectacles for many weeks, without reaping the fruits of his expectation, and began to entertain a very indifferent idea of the French discernment, which had overlooked him so long, when, one day, in his way to the opera, his chariot was stopped by an embarrassment in the street, occasioned by two peasants, who, having driven their carts against each other, quarrelled and went to loggerheads on the spot. Such a encounter is so uncommon in France, that the people shut up their shops, and from their windows threw cold water upon the combatants, with a view of putting an end to the battle, which was maintained with great fury and very little skill, until one of them receiving an accidental fall, the other took the advantage of this misfortune, and fastening upon him as he lay, began to thump the pavement with his head. Our hero's equipage being detained close by the field of his contention, pipes could not bear to see the laws of boxing so scandalously transgressed, and leaping from his station pulled the offender from his antagonist, whom he raised up, and in the English language encouraged to a second essay, instructing him at the same time by clenching his fists according to art, and putting himself in a proper attitude. Thus confirmed, the enraged Carmen sprang upon his foe, and in all appearance would have effectually revenged the injury he had sustained, if he had not been prevented by the interposition of a lackey belonging to a nobleman, whose coach was obliged to halt in consequence of the dispute. This footman, who was distinguished by a cane descending from his post, without the least ceremony or expostulation began to employ his weapon upon the head and shoulders of the peasant who had been patronized by pipes, upon which Thomas, resenting such ungenerous behaviour, bestowed such a stomacher upon the officious intermedler, as discomposed the whole economy of his entrails, and obliged him to discharge the interjection, with demonstrations of great anguish and amazement. The other two footmen, who stood behind the coach, seeing their fellow-servant so insolently assaulted, flew to his assistance, and rallied a most disagreeable shower upon the head of his aggressor, who had no means of diversion or defence. Peregrine, though he did not approve of Tom's conduct, could not bear to see him so roughly handled, especially as he thought his own honour concerned in the fray, and therefore, quitting his machine, came to the rescue of his attendant, and charged his adversary's sword in hand. Two of them no sooner perceived this reinforcement than they betook themselves to flight, and pipes, having twisted the cane out of the hands of the third, belaboured him so unmercifully that our hero thought proper to interpose his authority in his behalf. The common people stood aghast at this unprecedented boldness of Pickle, who, understanding that the person whose servants he had disciplined was a general and prince of the blood, went up to the coach, and asked Parden for what he had done, imputing his own behaviour to his ignorance of the other's quality. The old nobleman accepted of his apology with great politeness, thanking him for the trouble he had taken to reform the manners of his domestics, and guessing from our youth's appearance that he was some stranger of condition, very courteously invited him into the coach, on the supposition that they were both going to the opera. Pickle gladly embraced this opportunity of becoming acquainted with the person of such rank, and, ordering his own chariot to follow, accompanied the count to his lodge, where he conversed with him during the whole entertainment. He soon perceived that Peregrine was not deficient in spirit or sense, and seemed particularly pleased with his engaging manner and easy deportment, qualifications for which the English nation is by no means remarkable in France, and therefore the more conspicuous and agreeable in the character of our hero, whom the nobleman carried home that same evening, and introduced to his lady and several other persons of fashion who subbed at his house. Peregrine was quite captivated by their affable behaviour and the vivacity of their discourse, and after having been honoured with particular marks of consideration, took his leave, fully determined to cultivate such a valuable acquaintance. His vanity suggested that now the time was come when he should profit by his talents among the fair sex, on whom he resolved to employ his utmost art and address. With this view he assiduously engaged in all parties to which he had access by means of his noble friend, who let slip no opportunity of gratifying his ambition. He for some time shared in all his amusements, and was entertained in many of the best families of France, but he did not long enjoy that elevation of hope which had flattered his imagination. He soon perceived that it would be impossible to maintain the honourable connections he had made without engaging every day at quadrille, or in other words losing his money, for every person of rank whether male or female was a professed gamester who knew and practised all the finesse of the art of which he was entirely ignorant. Besides he began to find himself a mere novice in French gallantry, which is supported by an amazing volubility of tongue and obsequious and incredible attention to trifles, a surprising faculty of laughing out of pure complacence, and a nothingness of conversation which he could never attain. In short our hero, who among his own countrymen would have passed for a sprightly entertaining fellow, was considered in the brilliant assemblies of France as a youth of a very phlegmatic disposition. No wonder then that his pride was mortified as his own want of importance, which he did not fail to ascribe to their defect in point of judgment and taste. He conceived a disgust at the mercenary conduct as well as the shallow intellects of the ladies, and after he had spent some months and a round sum of money in fruitless attendants and addresses, he fairly quitted the pursuit and consoled himself with the conversation of a Mary-Fee de Joie whose good graces he acquired by an allowance of 20 Louis per month. That he might no more easily afford this expense, he dismissed his chariot and French lackey at the same time. He then entered himself in a noted academy in order to finish his exercises, and contracted an acquaintance with a few sensible people whom he distinguished at the coffee house and ordinary to which he resorted, and who contributed not a little to the improvement of his knowledge and taste. For prejudice apart it must be owned that France abounds with men of consummate honour, profound sagacity, and the most liberal education. From the conversation of such he obtained a distinct idea of their government and constitution, and though he could not help admiring the excellent order and economy of their police, the result of all his inquiries was self-congratulation on his title to the privileges of a British subject. Indeed, this invaluable birthright was rendered conspicuous by such flagrant occurrences which fell every day almost under his observation that nothing but the grossest prejudice could dispute its existence. Chapter 40 of The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Martin Giesen The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 by Tobias Smollett Chapter 40 acquires a distinct idea of the French government, quarrels with a musketerre whom he afterwards fights and vanquishes after having punished him for interfering in his amorous recreations. Among many other instances of the same nature, I believe it will not be amiss to exhibit a few specimens of their administration which happened during his abode at Paris, that those who have not the opportunity of observing for themselves, or are in danger of being influenced by misrepresentation, may compare their own condition with that of their neighbours, and do justice to the constitution under which they live. A lady of distinguished character, having been lampooned by some obscure scribbler who could not be discovered, the ministry in consequence of her complaint ordered no fewer than five and twenty abbeys to be apprehended and sent to the Bastille, on the maxim of Herod, when he commanded the innocents to be murdered, hoping that the principal object of his cruelty would not escape in the general calamity. And the friends of those unhappy prisoners durst not even complain of the unjust persecution, but shrugged up their shoulders, and in silence deplored their misfortune, uncertain whether or not they should ever set eyes on them again. About the same time, a gentleman of family who had been oppressed by a certain powerful juke that lived in the neighbourhood found means to be introduced to the king, who, receiving his petition very graciously, asked in what regiment he served. And when the memorialist answered that he had not the honour of being in the service, returned the paper unopened and refused to hear one circumstance of his complaint, so that far from being redressed he remained more than ever exposed to the tyranny of his oppressors. Nay, so notorious is the discouragement of all those who presumed to live independent of court favour and connections, that one of the gentlemen whose friendship Peregrine cultivated frankly owned he was in possession of a most romantic place in one of the provinces, and deeply enamoured of a country life. And yet he durst not reside upon his own estate, lest by slackening in his attendance upon the great who honoured him with their protection he should fall a prey to some rapacious intendant. As for the common people, they are so much in newer to the scourge and insolence of power that every shabby subultant, every beggarly cadet of the noblesse, every low retainer to the court insults and injures them with impunity. A certain aqueer or horse-stealer belonging to the king, being one day under the hands of a barber, who happened to cut the head of a pimple on his face, he started up, and drawing his sword wounded him desperately in the shoulder. The poor tradesman, hurt as he was, made an effort to retire, and was followed by this barbarous assassin who not contented with the vengeance he had taken, plunged his sword a second time into his body and killed him on the spot. Having performed this inhuman exploit, he dressed himself with great deliberation and, going to Versailles, immediately obtained a pardon for what he had done, triumphing in his brutality with such insolence that the very next time he had occasioned to be shaved, he sat with his sword ready drawn in order to repeat the murder, in case the barber should commit the same mistake. Yet so tamed are these poor people to subjection that when Peregrine mentioned this assassination to his own trimmer with expressions of horror and detestation, the infatuated wretch replied that without all doubt it was a misfortune, but it proceeded from the gentleman's passion and observed by way of encomium on the government that such vivacity is never punished in France. A few days after this outrage was committed, our youth, who was a professed enemy to all oppression, being one of the first large at the comedy, was eye witness of an adventure which filled him with indignation. A tall ferocious fellow in the parterre, without the least provocation, but prompted by mere wantonness of pride, took hold of the hat of a very decent young man who happened to stand before him and twirled it round upon his head. The party thus offended turned to his aggressor and civilly asked the reason of such treatment, but he received no answer, and when he looked the other way, the insult was repeated. Upon which he expressed his resentment as became a man of spirit and desired the offender to walk out with him. No sooner did he thus signify his intention than his adversary, swelling with rage, cocked his hat fiercely in his face and fixing his hands in his sides, pronounced with the most imperious tone. Harky, Mr. Round Perrywig, you must know that I am a musketerre. Scarce of this awful word escaped from his lips when the blood foresoaked the lips of the poor challenger, who with the most abject submission begged pardon for his presumption, and with difficulty obtained it, on condition that he should immediately quit the place. Having thus exercised his authority, he turned to one of his companions, and with an air of disdainful ridicule, told him he was like to have had an affair with the bourgeois, adding by way of heightening the irony, he gagged I believe he is a physician. Our hero was so much shocked and irritated at this licentious behaviour that he could not suppress his resentment, which he manifested by saying to this hector, Sir, a physician may be a man of honour. To this remonstrance, which was delivered with a very significant countenance, the musketerre made no other reply but that of echoing his assertion with a loud laugh in which he was joined by his confederates. Perrygreen, glowing with resentment, called him a fanfaron, and withdrew in expectation of being followed into the street. The other understood the hint, and her encounter must have ensued, had not the officer of the guard who overheard what past prevented their meeting by putting the musketerre immediately under arrest. Our young gentleman waited at the door of the parterre, until he was informed of this interposition, and then went home very much chagrined at his disappointment, for he was not a stranger to fear and diffidence on those occasions, and had set his heart upon chastising the insolence of this bully who had treated him with such disrespect. This adventure was not so private, but that it reached the ears of Mr Jolter by the canal of some English gentleman who were present when it happened, and the governor who entertained a most dreadful idea of the musketerre, being alarmed at a quarrel the consequence of which might be fatal to his charge, waited on the British ambassador, and begged he would take Perrygreen under his immediate protection. His excellency, having heard the circumstances of the dispute, sent one of his gentlemen to invite the youth to dinner, and after having assured him that he might depend upon his countenance and regard, represented the rashness and impetuosity of his conduct, so much to his conviction that he promised to act more circumspectly for the future, and drop all thoughts of the musketerre from that moment. A few days after he had taken this laudable resolution, Pipes, who had carried a B.A. to his mistress, informed him that he had perceived a laced hat lying upon a marble slab in her apartment, and that when she came out of her own chamber to receive the letter, she appeared in manifest disorder. On these hints of intelligence, our young gentleman suspected, or rather made no doubt of her infidelity, and being by this time well nigh cloyed with possession, was not sorry to find she had given him cause to renounce her correspondence. That he might therefore detect her in the very breach of duty, and at the same time punish the gallant who had the presumption to invade his territories, he concerted with himself a plan which was executed in this manner. During his next interview with his Dulcinea, far from discovering the least sign of jealousy or discontent, he affected the appearance of extraordinary fondness, and after having spent the afternoon with the show of uncommon satisfaction, told that he was engaged in a party for Fontimbleau, and would set out from Paris that same evening, so that he should not out the pleasure of seeing her again for some days. The lady who was very well versed in the arts of her occupation pretended to receive this piece of news with great affliction, and conjured him with such marks of real tenderness to return as soon as possible to her longing arms that he went away almost convinced of her sincerity. Determined, however, to prosecute his scheme, he actually departed from Paris with two or three gentlemen of his acquaintance who had hired a remise for a jaunt to Versailles, and having accompanied them as far as the village of Passé, he returned in the dusk of the evening on foot. He waited impatiently till midnight, and then, arming himself with a brace of pocket pistols and attended by trusty Tom with a cudgel in his hand, repaired to the lodgings of his suspected enamorata. Having given pipes his cue, he knocked gently at the door, which was no sooner opened by the lackey, and he bolted in before the fellow could recollect himself from the confusion occasioned by his unexpected appearance, and leaving Tom to guard the door, ordered the trembling valet to light him upstairs in his lady's apartment. The first object that presented itself to his view when he entered the antechamber was a sword upon the table, which he immediately seized, exclaiming in a loud and menacing voice, that his mistress was false, and then in bed with another gallant whom he would instantly put to death. This declaration, confirmed by many terrible oaths, he calculated for the hearing of his rival, who, understanding his sanguinary purpose, started up in great trepidation, and naked as he was, dropped from the balcony into the street, while Peregrine thundered at the door for admittance, and guessing his design gave him an opportunity of making this precipitate retreat. Pipes, who stood sentinel at the door, observing the fugitive descend, attacked him with his cudgel, and, sweating him from one end of the street to the other, at last, committed him to the gay by whom he was conveyed to the officer on duty in the most disgraceful and deplorable condition. Meanwhile, Peregrine, having burst open the chamber door, found the lady in the utmost dread and consternation, and the spoils of her favourites scattered about the room. But his resentment was doubly gratified when he learned upon inquiry that the person who had been so disagreeably interrupted was no other than that individual musketech with whom he had quarrelled at the comedy. He upbraided the nymph with her perfidy and ingratitude, and telling her that she must not expect the continuance of his regard or the appointments which she had hitherto enjoyed from his bounty went home to his own lodgings overjoyed at the issue of the adventure. The soldier, exasperated at the disgrace he had undergone, as well as the outrageous insult of the English valley whom he believed his master had tutored for that purpose. No sooner extricated himself from the appropriate situation he had incurred than breathing vengeance against the author of the affront, he came to Peregrine's apartment and demanded satisfaction upon the ramparts next morning before sunrise. Our hero assured him that he would not fail to pay his respects to him at the time and place appointed, and foreseeing that he might be prevented from keeping this engagement by the officious care of his governor, who saw the musketech come in, he told Mr Jolta that the Frenchman had visited him in consequence of an order he had received from his superiors to make an apology for his rude behaviour to him in the playhouse, and that they had parted very good friends. This assurance, together with Pickle's tranquil and unconcerned behaviour through the day, quieted the terrors which had begun to take possession of his tutors' imagination, so that the youth had an opportunity of giving him the slip at night, when he betook himself to the lodgings of a friend whom he engaged as his second, and with whom he immediately took the field in order to avoid the search which Jolta upon missing him might set on foot. This was a necessary precaution for as he did not appear at supper, and pipes who usually attended him in his excursions could give no account of his motions. The governor was dreadfully alarmed at his absence, and ordered his man to run in quest of his master to all the places which he used to frequent, while he himself went to the commissaire, and communicating his suspicions was accommodated with a party of the horse guards who patrolled all round the environs of the city with a view of preventing their encounter. Pipes might have directed them to the lady by whose information they could have learned the name and lodgings of the Muscatère, and if he had been apprehended the duel would not have happened, but he did not choose to run the risk of disobliging his master by intermeddling in the affair, and was moreover very desirous that the Frenchman should be humbled, for he never doubted that Peregrine was more than a match for any two men in France. In this confidence, therefore, he sought his master with great diligence, not with a view of disappointing his intention, but in order to attend him to the battle, that he might stand by him and see justice done. While this inquiry was carried on, our hero and his companion concealed themselves among some weeds that grew on the edge of the parapet, a few yards from the spot where he had agreed to meet the Muscatère, and scarce had the morning rendered objects distinguishable when they perceived their men advancing boldly to the place. Peregrine, seeing them approach, sprang forward to the ground that he might have the glory of anticipating his antagonist, and swords being drawn, all four were engaged in a twinkling. Pickle's eagerness had well-nigh cost him his life, for without minding his footing he flew directly to his opposite, and stumbling over a stone was wounded on one side of his head before he could recover his attitude. Far from being dispirited at this check, it served only to animate him the more. Being endowed with uncommon agility, he retrieved his posture in a moment, and having parried a second thrust, returned the lunge with such incredible speed that the soldier had not time to resume his guard, but was immediately run through the bend of his right arm, and the sword dropping out of his hand, our hero's victory was complete. Having dispatched his own business, and received the acknowledgement of his adversary, who with the look of infinite mortification answered that his was the fortune of the day, he ran to part the seconds just as the weapon was twisted out of his companion's hand, upon which he took his place, and in all likelihood an obstinate dispute would have ensued had they not been interrupted by the guard, at the sight of whom the two Frenchmen scampered off. Our young gentleman and his friend allowed themselves to be taken prisoners by the detachment which had been sent out for that purpose, and were carried before the magistrate, who having sharply reprimanded them for presuming to act in contempt of the laws, set them at liberty in consideration of their being strangers, cautioning them at the same time to beware of such exploits for the future. When Peregrine returned to his own lodgings, pipes seeing the blood trickling down upon his master's neckcloth and solitaire gave evident tokens of surprise and concern, not for the consequences of the wound which he did not suppose dangerous, but for the glory of Old England, which he was afraid had suffered in the engagement, for he could not help saying with an air of chagrin, as he followed the youth into the chamber. I do suppose as how you gave that lovely Frenchman as good as he brought. Recording by Martin Geeson. The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 by Tobias Smollett. Chapter 41. Mr. Jolter threatens to leave him on account of his misconduct, which he promises to rectify, but his resolution is defeated by the impetuosity of his passions. He meets accidentally with Mrs. Hornbeck, who elopes with him from her husband, but is restored by the interposition of the British ambassador. Though Mr. Jolter was extremely well pleased at the safety of his pupil, he could not forgive him for the terror and anxiety he had undergone on his account, and roundly told him that notwithstanding the inclination and detachment he had to his person, he would immediately depart for England, if ever he should hear of his being involved in such another adventure. For it could not be expected that he would sacrifice his own quiet to an unrequited regard for one who seemed determined to keep him in continual uneasiness and apprehension. To this declaration, Pickle made answer that Mr. Jolter by this time ought to be convinced of the attention he had always paid to his ease and satisfaction, since he well knew that he had ever looked upon him in the light of a friend, rather than as a counselor or tutor, and desired his company in France with a view of promoting his interest, not for any emolument he could expect from his instruction. This being the case, he was at liberty to consult his own inclinations with regard to going or staying, though he could not help owning himself obliged by the concern he expressed for his safety and would endeavour for his own sake to avoid giving him any cause of disturbance in time to come. No man was more capable of moralising upon Peregrine's misconduct than himself. His reflections were extremely just and sagacious, and attended with no other disadvantage but that of occurring too late. He projected a thousand salutary schemes of deportment, but like other projectors he never had interest enough with the ministry of his passions to bring any of them to bear. He had in the heyday of his gallantry received a letter from his friend Gauntlet with a kind postscript from his charming Emilia, but it arrived at a very unseasonable juncture when his imagination was engrossed by conquests that more agreeably flattered his ambition, so that he could not find leisure and inclination from that day to honour the correspondence which he himself had solicited. His vanity had by the time disapproved of the engagement he had contracted in the rawness and inexperience of youth, suggesting that he was born to such an important figure in life as ought to raise his ideas above the consideration of any such middling connections and fix his attention upon objects of the most sublime attraction. These dictates of ridiculous pride had almost effaced the remembrance of his amiable mistress, or at least so far walked his morals and integrity, but he actually began to conceive hopes of her altogether unworthy of his own character and her deserts. Meanwhile, being destitute of a toy for the dalliance of his idle hours, he employed several spies, and almost every day made a tour of the public places in person, with a view of procuring intelligence of Mr. Hornbeck, with whose wife he longed to have another interview. In this course of expectation, had he exercised himself a whole fortnight, when chanceing to be at the hospital of the invalids, where the gentleman lately arrived from England, he no sooner entered the church than he perceived his lady, attended by her spouse, who at sight of our hero changed colour and looked another way, in order to discourage any communication between them. But the young man, who was not so easily repulsed, advanced with great assurance to his fellow traveller, and taking him by the hand expressed his satisfaction at this unexpected meeting, kindly upbraiding him for his precipitous retreat from Chantilly. Before Hornbeck could make any reply, he went up to his wife, whom he complimented in the same manner. Assuring her, with some significant glances, he was extremely mortified that she had put it out of his power to pay his respects to her on his first arrival at Paris. And then turning to her husband, who thought proper to keep close to him in this conference, begged to know where he could have the honour of waiting upon him, observing at the same time that he himself lived at l'Académie de Parfrenier. Mr Hornbeck, without making any apology for his elopement on the road, thanked Mr Pickle for his complacence in a very cool and disablaging manner, saying that as he intended to shift his lodgings in a day or two, he could not expect the pleasure of seeing him, until he should be settled, when he would call at the Academy and conduct him to his new habitation. Pickle, who was not unacquainted with the sentiments of this jealous gentleman, did not put much confidence in his promise, and therefore made diverse efforts to enjoy a little private conversation with his wife. But he was baffled in all his attempts by the indefatigable vigilance of her keeper, and reaps no other immediate pleasure from this accidental meeting than that of a kind squeeze while he handed her into the coach. However, as he had been witness to some instances of her invention, and was no stranger to the favourable disposition of her heart, he entertained some faint hopes of profiting by her understanding, and was not deceived in his expectation, for the very next forenoon a Savoyarch called at the Academy and put the following B.A. in his hand. Coins, sir, having the pleasure of meeting with you at the Hospital of Owel Eads, I will take this liberty of letting you know that I lurch at the hot-tailed and may-con dangle, Rooey Doghouse-ton, with two posties at the gate, neither of whom very whole, where I shall be at the window. If in case you will be so good as to pass that way at six o'clock in the evening, when Mr. Hornbeck goes to the Café de Conte, pray for the loaf of Jesus, keep this from the knowledge of my husband, else he will make me lead a hell upon earth, being all from, dear sir, your most humble servant, while Deborah Hornbeck. Our young gentleman was ravished at the receipt of this elegant epistle, which was directed, our ma-sir, our ma-sir pick-hell, a-la-ga-dam-y de-pol-fri-ni, and did not fail to obey the summons at the hour of Assygnation, when the lady, true to her appointment, beckoned him upstairs, and he had the good fortune to be admitted unseen. After the first transports of their mutual joy at meeting, she told him that her husband had been very surly and cross ever since the adventure at Chantilly, which he had not yet digested, but he had laid several injunctions upon her to avoid all commerce with pick-hell, and even threatened to shut her up in a convent for life if ever she should discover the least inclination to renew that acquaintance, that she had been cooped up in her chamber since her arrival at Paris without being permitted to see the place, or indeed any company except that of her landlady, whose language she did not understand. So that her spirit being broken and her health impaired, he was prevailed upon some days ago to indulge her in a few air-rings, during which she had seen the gardens of the Luxembourg, the Trilurie, and Palais Royale, though at those times when there was no company in the walks, and that it was in one of those excursions that she had the happiness of meeting with him. Finally, she gave him to understand that rather than continue longer in such confinement with the man whom she could not love, she would instantly give him the slip, and put herself under the protection of her lover. Rash and unthinking as this declaration might be, the young gentleman was so much of a galant that he would not bulk the ladies' inclinations, and too infatuated by his passion to foresee the consequences of such a dangerous step. He therefore, without hesitation, embraced the proposal, and the coast being clear, they sallied out into the street, where Peregrine, calling a fiat, ordered the coachman to drive them to a tavern. But knowing it would not be in his power to conceal her from the search of the lieutenant de police, if she should remain within the walls of Paris, he hired a remise, and carried her that same evening to Ville-le-Rouif, about four leagues from town where he stayed with her all night. And having boarded her on a gentile passion, and settled the economy of his future visits, returned next day to his own lodgings. While he thus enjoyed his success, her husband endured the tortures of the damned. When he returned from the coffee-house, and understood that his wife had eloped, without being perceived by any person in the family, he began to rave and foam with rage and jealousy, and in the fury of distraction accused the landlady of being an accomplice in her escape, threatening to complain of her to the commissaire. The woman could not conceive how Mrs. Hornbeck, who she knew was an utter stranger to the French language, and kept no sort of company, could elude the caution of her husband, and find any refuge in a place where she had no acquaintance, and began to suspect the lodger's emotion was no other than an affected passion to conceal his own practices upon his wife, who it perhaps fallen the sacrifice to his jealous disposition. She therefore spared him the trouble of putting his menaces into execution by going to the magistrates without any further deliberation, and giving an account of what she knew concerning this mysterious affair, with certain insinuations against Hornbeck's character, which she represented as peevish and capricious to the last degree. While she thus anticipated the purpose of the plaintiff, her information was interrupted by the arrival of the party himself, who exhibited his complaint with such evident marks of perturbation, anger, and impatience that the commissaire could easily perceive the incident. The commissaire could easily perceive that he had no share in the disappearance of his wife, and directed him to the Lyotinonde police, whose province it is to take cognizance of such occurrences. This gentleman, who presides over the city of Paris, having heard the particulars of Hornbeck's misfortune, asked if he suspected any individual person as the seducer of his yoke fellow, and when he mentioned peregrine as the object of his suspicion, granted a warrant and a detachment of soldiers to search for and retrieve the fugitive. The husband conducted them immediately to the academy where our hero lodged, and having rummaged the whole place to the astonishment of Mr. Jolter, without finding either his wife or the supposed ravisher, accompanied them to all the public houses in the Faubourg, which having examined also without success, he returned to the magistrate in a state of despair, and obtained a promise of his making such an effectual inquiry that in three days he should have an account of her, provided she was alive and within the walls of Paris. Our adventurer, who had foreseen all this disturbance, was not at all surprised when his governor told him what had happened, and conduered him to restore the woman to the right owner, with many pathetic remonstrances touching the heinous sin of adultery, the distraction of the unfortunate husband, and the danger of incurring the resentment of an arbitrary government, which upon application being made would not fail of espousing the cause of the injured. He denied, with great effrontery that he had the least concern in the matter, pretended to resent the deportment of Hornbeck, whom he threatened to chastise for his scandalous suspicion, and expressed his displeasure at the credulity of Jolter, who seemed to doubt the veracity of his asseparation. Notwithstanding this confident behaviour, Jolter could not help entertaining doubts of his sincerity, and visiting the disconsulate Swain, begged he would for the honour of his country, as well as for the sake of his own reputation, discontinue his addresses to the Lyotinande police, and apply to the British ambassador, who by dint of friendly admonitions would certainly prevail upon Mr Pickle to do him all the justice in his power, if he was really the author of the injury he had sustained. The Governor urged this advice with the appearance of so much sympathy and concern, promising to co-operate within his influence in his behalf, that Hornbeck embraced the proposal, communicated its purpose to the magistrate, who commended the resolution as the most decent and desirable expedient he could use, and then waited upon his Excellency, who readily espoused his cause, and sending for the young gentleman that same evening, read him such a lecture in private, as it sorted a confession of the whole affair. Not that he assailed him with sour and supercilious maxims, or severe rebuke, because he had penetration enough to discern that Peregrine's disposition was impregnable to all such attacks, but he first of all rallied him on his intriguing genius. Then in a humorous manner described the distraction of the poor cuckold, who he owned was justly punished for the absurdity of his conduct, and lastly upon the supposition that it would be no great effort in Pickle to part with such a conquest, especially after it had been for some time possessed, represented the necessity and expediency of restoring her, not only out of regard to his own character and that of his nation, but also with a view to his ease, which would in a little time be very much invaded by such an encumbrance, but in all probability would involve him in a thousand difficulties and disgusts. Besides, he assured him that he was already, by order of the Lietinonde police, surrounded with spies. He would watch all his motions, and immediately discover the retreat in which he had disposed his prize. These arguments and the frank familiar manner in which they were delivered, but above all the last consideration, induced the young gentleman to disclose the whole of his proceedings to the ambassador, and he promised to be governed by his direction, provided the lady should not suffer for the step she had taken, but be received by her husband with due reverence and respect. These stipulations being agreed to, he undertook to produce her in eight and forty hours, and taking coach immediately drove to the place of her residence, where he spent a whole day and night in convincing her of the impossibility of their enjoying each other in that manner. Then returning to Paris, he delivered her into the hands of the ambassador, who having assured her that she might depend upon his friendship and protection, in case she should find herself aggrieved by the jealous temper of Mr. Hornbeck, restored her to her legitimate lord, whom he counseled to exempt her from that restraint, which in all probability had been the cause of her elopement, and endeavour to conciliate her affection by tender and respectful usage. The husband behaved with great humility and compliance, protesting that his chief study should be to contrive parties for her pleasure and satisfaction. But no sooner did he regain possession of his stray sheep than he locked her up more closely than ever, and after having revolved various schemes for her reformation, determined to board her in a convent, and the inspection of a prudent abbess, who should superintend her morals, and recall her to the paths of Burt to which she had forsaken. End of Chapter 41 1 Recording by Martin Geeson in Hazelmeer Surrey Chapter 42 of the Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Martin Geeson The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 by Tobias Smollett Chapter 42 Peregrine Resolves to Return to England is diverted with the odd characters of two of his countrymen, with whom he contracts an acquaintance in the apartments of the Palais Royal. In the meantime, our hero received a letter from his aunt, importing that the Commodore was in a very declining way, and longed much to see him at the garrison. And at the same time, he heard from his sister, who gave him to understand that the young gentleman who had for some time made his addresses to her, was becoming very pressing in his solicitations, so that she wanted to know in what manner she should answer his repeated entreaties. Those two considerations determined the young gentleman to return to his native country, a resolution that was far from being disagreeable to Jolte, who knew that the incumbent on a living which was in the gift of Trunnion was extremely old, and that it would be in his interest to be upon the spot at the said incumbent's decease. Peregrine, who had resided about 15 months in France, thought he was now sufficiently qualified for eclipsing most of his contemporaries in England, and therefore prepared for his departure with infinite alacrity, being moreover inflamed with the most ardent desire of revisiting his friends, and renewing his connections, particularly with Emilia, whose heart he by this time thought he was able to reduce on his own terms. As he proposed to make the tour of Flanders and Holland in his return to England, he resolved to stay at Paris a week or two after his affairs were settled, in hope of finding some companion disposed for the same journey, and in order to refresh his memory made a second circuit round all the places in that capital, where any curious production of art is to be seen. In the course of this second examination he chanced to enter the Palais Royale, just as two gentlemen alighted from a fiat at the gate, and all three being admitted at the same time, he soon perceived that the strangers were off his own country. One of them was a young man, in whose air and countenance appeared all the uncouth gravity and supercilious self-conceit of a physician piping hot from his studies, while the other, to whom his companion spoke by the appellation of Mr. Pallet, displayed at first a strange composition of levity and assurance. Indeed their characters' dress and address were strongly contrasted. The doctor wore a suit of black and a huge tie wig, neither suitable to his own age, nor the fashion of the country where he then lived. Whereas the other, though seemingly turned of fifty, strutted in a gay summer dress of the Parisian cut, with a bag to his own gray hair, and a red feather in his hat from which he carried under his arm. As these figures seemed to promise something entertaining, Pickle entered into conversation with them immediately, and soon discovered that the old gentleman was a painter from London who had stolen a fortnight from his occupation in order to visit the remarkable paintings of France and Flanders, and that the doctor had taken the opportunity of accompanying him in his tour. Being extremely talkative, he not only communicated these particulars to our hero in a very few minutes after their meeting, but also took occasion to whisper in his ear, that his fellow traveller was a man of vast learning, and beyond all doubt the greatest poet of the age. As for himself, he was under no necessity of making his own eulogium, for he soon gave such specimens of his taste and talents as left Pickle no room to doubt of his capacity. While they stood considering the pictures in one of the first departments, which are by no means the most masterly compositions, the Swiss, who set up for a connoisseur looking at a certain piece, pronounced the word Manifique with a note of admiration, upon which Mr Pallet, who was not at all a critic in the French language, replied with great vivacity. Manufac, you mean, and a very indifferent piece of manufacture it is. Pray, gentlemen, take notice. There is no keeping in those heads upon the background, and no relief in the principal figure. Then you'll observe the shadings are harsh to the last degree, and come a little closer this way. Don't you perceive that the foreshortening of that arm is monstrous? It gads, sir. There is an absolute fracture in the limb. Doctor, you understand anatomy. Don't you think that muscle evidently misplaced? Harky, Mr. Watcher-Collum, turning to the attendant, what is the name of the dauber who painted that miserable performance? The Swiss, imagining that he was all this time expressing his satisfaction, sanctioned his supposed commendation by exclaiming Saint-Prix. Right, cried Pallet, I could not recollect his name, though his manner is quite familiar to me. We have a few pieces in England, done by that same Saint-Prix. But there they are in no estimation. We have more taste among us than to relish the productions of such a miserable goo. Ain't he an ignorant cox-cum, doctor? The physician, ashamed of his companion's blunder, thought it was necessary for the honour of his own character to take notice of it before the stranger, and therefore answered his question by repeating this line from Horace. The painter, who was rather more ignorant of Latin than of French, taking it for granted that this quotation of his friend conveyed an assent to his opinion, very true, said he, potato dominatate. This piece is not worth a single potato. Peregrine was astonished at this surprising perversion of the words and meaning of a Latin line, which at first he could not help thinking was a premeditated joke. But upon second thoughts, he saw no reason to doubt that it was the extemporaneous effect of sheer pertness and ignorance at which he broke out into an immoderate fit of laughter. Pallet, believing that the gentleman's mirth was occasioned by his arch, animant version upon the work of Saint-Prix, underwent the same emotion in a much louder strain, and endeavoured to heighten the jest by more observations of the same nature. While the doctor, confounded at his impudence and want of knowledge, reprimanded him in these words of Homer. This rebuke, the reader will easily perceive, was not calculated for the meridian of his friends intellect, but uttered with a view of raising his own character in the opinion of Mr. Pickle, who retorted this parade of learning in three verses from the same author, being part of the speech of Polydamus to Hector, importing that it is impossible for one man to excel in everything. The self-sufficient physician, who did not expect such a repartee from a youth of Peregrine's appearance, looked upon his reply as a fair challenge, and instantly rehearsed forty or fifty lines of the Iliad in a breath. Observing that the stranger made no effort to match this effusion, he interpreted his silence into submission. Then, in order to ascertain his victory, insulted him with diverse fragments of authors, whom his supposed competitor did not even know by name. While Mr. Pallet stared with admiration at the profound scholarship of his companion, our young gentleman, far from repining at this superiority, laughed within himself at the ridiculous ambition of the pedantic doctor. He rated him in his own mind as a mere index hunter, who held the eel of science by the tail, and foresaw an infinite fund of diversion in his solemnity and pride, if properly extracted by means of his fellow traveller's vanity and assurance. Prompted by these considerations, he resolved to cultivate their acquaintance, and, if possible, amuse himself at their expense in his journey through Flanders, understanding that they were determined upon the same route. In this view, he treated them with extraordinary attention, and seemed to pay particular deference to the remarks of the painter, who with great intrepidity pronounced judgment upon every picture in the palace, or, in other words, exposed his own nakedness in every sentence that proceeded from his mouth. When they came to consider the murder of the innocents by Le Brun, the Swiss observed that it was un beau morceau, and Mr. Pallet replied, Yes, yes, one may see with half an eye that it can be the production of no other, for Bon Morceau's style, both in colouring and drapery, is altogether peculiar, then his design is tame and his expression antique and unnatural. Doctor, you have seen my judgement of Solomon. I think I may without presumption, but I don't choose to make comparisons. I leave that odious task to other people, and let my works speak for themselves. France, to be sure, is rich in the arts, but what is the reason? The king encourages men of genius with honour and rewards, whereas in England we are obliged to stand on our own feet and combat the envy and malice of our brethren. E gad, I have a good mind to come and settle here in Paris. I should like to have an apartment in the Louvre, with a snug pension of so many thousand livres. In this manner did Pallet proceed with an eternal rotation of tongue, floundering from one mistake to another, until it was the turn of Poussin's seven sacraments to be examined. Here again the Swiss, out of the abundance of his zeal, expressed his admiration by saying these pieces were ampeyable. When the painter, turning to him with an air of exaltation, pardon me, friend, there you happen to be mistaken, these are none of ampeyables, but done by Nicholas Poussin. I have seen prints of them in England, so that none of your tricks upon travellers, Mr. Swiss, or Swash, or what's your name. He was modulated by this imaginary triumph of his understanding, which animated him to persevere in his curious observations upon all the other pieces of that celebrated collection. But perceiving that the doctor manifested no signs of pleasure and satisfaction, but rather beheld them with a silent air of disdain, he could not digest his indifference, and asked with a waggish sneer, if ever he had seen such a number of masterpieces before. The physician, eyeing him with a look of compassion, mingled with contempt, observed that there was nothing there which deserved the attention of any person acquainted with the ideas of the ancients, and that the author of the finest piece now in being was unworthy to clean the brushes of one of those great masters who were celebrated by the Greek and Roman writers. Oh lad, oh lad, exclaimed the painter with a loud laugh, you have fairly brought yourself into a dilemma at last, dear doctor, for it is well known that your ancient Greek and Roman artists knew nothing at all of the matter in comparison with our modern masters. For this good reason, because they had but three or four colours, and knew not how to paint with oil. Besides, which of all your old, fusty Grecians would you put upon a footing with the divine Raphael, the most excellent Michael Angelo Bonaroti, the graceful Guido, the bewitching Titian, and above all others, the sublime Rubens. He would have proceeded with a long catalogue of names which he had got by heart for the purpose without retaining the least idea of their several qualifications, had not he been interrupted by his friend, whose indignation being kindled by the irreverence with which he mentioned the Greeks. He called him blasphemer, goth, beocean, and in his turn asked with great vehemence which of those puny moderns could match with Paninus of Athens and his brother Phidias, Polycletus of Sychion, Polygnotus the Thracian, Parhasius of Ephesus, surnamed Abroditus or the Beaux, and Apelles the Prince of Painters. He challenged him to show any portrait of these days that could vie with the Helen of Zuchsis, the Heraclean, or any composition equal to the sacrifice of the Phidginia by Timanthes, the Sychionian, not to mention the twelve gods of Asclepiodorus, the Athenian, for which Menazon, tyrant of Elatea, gave him about three thousand pounds apiece, or Homer's Hell by Nikias, who refused sixty talents amounting to upwards of eleven thousand pounds and generously made a present of it to his own country. He desired him to produce a collection equal to that in the temple of Delphos, mentioned in the Ion of Euripides, where Hercules and his companion Iolaus are represented in the act of killing the L'Ernian Hydra with golden sickles, Hryseais Harpais, where Belerophon appears on his winged steed, vanquishing the fire-breathing Chimera, Tampyri Pneusan, and the War of the Giants is described. Here Jupiter stands wielding the red-hot thunderbolts, Keraunon Antipuron. Their palace, dreadful to the view, Gorkopon, brandishes her spear against the huge Eukellidus, and backers with slender ivy rods, defeats, and slays the Gath, Technon, or the mighty Son of Earth. The painter was astonished and confounded at this rhapsody of names and instances, which was uttered with surprising eagerness and rapidity, suspecting at first that the whole was the creation of his own brain. But when Pickle, with a view of flattering the doctor's self-conceit, espoused his side of the question, and confirmed the truth of everything he advanced, Mr. Pallet changed his opinion, and in emphatic silence adored the immensity of his friend's understanding. In short, Heragrin easily perceived that they were false enthusiasts, without the smallest pretensions to taste and sensibility, and pretended to be enraptures with they knew not what. The one thinking it was encumbered upon him to express transports on seeing the works of those who had been most eminent in their profession, whether they did or did not, really raise his admiration, and the other, as a scholar, deeming it his duty to magnify the ancients above all competition with an effected fervour which the knowledge of their excellencies never inspired. Indeed, our young gentleman so successfully accommodated himself to the disposition of each that long before their review was finished, he was become a particular favorite with both. From the Palais Royal he accompanied them to the cloisters of the Carthusians, where they considered the history of Saint Bruno by Le Sueur, whose name being utterly unknown to the painter, he gave a judgment against the whole composition as pitiful and paltry, though in the opinion of all good judges it is a most masterly performance. Having satisfied their curiosity in this place, Peregrine asked them to favor him with their company at dinner. But whether out of caution against the insinuations of one whose character they did not know, or by reason of a prior engagement, they declined his invitation on pretense of having an appointment at a certain ordinary, though they expressed a desire of being further acquainted with him. And Mr Palais took the freedom of asking his name, which he not only declared, but promised, as they were strangers in Paris, to wait upon them next day in the forenoon, in order to conduct them to the hotel de Toulouse, and the houses of several other noblemen remarkable for painting or curious furniture. They thankfully embraced his proposal, and that same day made inquiry among the English gentleman about the character of our hero. Which they found so much to their satisfaction, that upon their second meeting they courted his good graces without reserve. And as they had heard of his intended departure, begged earnestly to have the honour of accompanying him through the Low Countries. He assured them that nothing could be more agreeable to him than the prospect of having such fellow travellers. And they immediately appointed a day for setting out on that tour. End of Chapter 42. Recording by Martin Geeson in Hazelmere Surrey. Chapter 43 of the Adventures of Peregrine Pickle. Volume 1. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Martin Geeson. The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle. Volume 1. By Tobias Smollett. Chapter 43. He introduces his new friends to Mr. Jolter, with whom the Doctor enters into a dispute upon Government, which had well nigh terminated in open war. Meanwhile, he not only made them acquainted with everything worth seeing in town, but attended them in their excursions to all the King's houses within a day's journey of Paris. And in the course of these parties, treated them with an elegant dinner at his own apartments, where a dispute arose between the Doctor and Mr. Jolter, which had well nigh terminated in an irreconcilable animosity. These gentlemen, with an equal share of pride, pedantry and satinine disposition, were by the accidents of education and company diametrically opposite in political maxims. The one, as we have already observed, being a bigoted high churchman, and the other a rank Republican. It was an article of the Governor's Creed that the people could not be happy, nor the earth yielded its fruits in abundance under a restricted clergy and limited government. Whereas in the Doctor's opinion, it was an eternal truth that no constitution was so perfect as the democracy, and that no country could flourish but under the administration of the mob. These considerations being premised, no wonder that they happened to disagree in the freedom of an unreserved conversation, especially as their entertainer took all opportunities of encouraging and inflaming the contention. The first source of their difference was an unlucky remark of the painter, who observed that the partridge of which he was then eating had the finest relish of any he had ever tasted. His friend owned that the birds were the best of the kind he had seen in France, but affirmed that they were neither so plump nor delicious as those that were caught in England. The Governor, considering this observation as the effect of prejudice and inexperience, said with a sarcastic smile, I believe, sir, you are very well disposed to find everything here inferior to the productions of your own country. True, sir, answered the physician with a certain solemnity of aspect, and not without good reason, I hope. And pray, resumed the Tudor, why may not the partridges of France be as good as those of England? For a very plain reason, replied the other, because they are not so well fed. The iron hand of oppression is extended to all animals within the French dominions, even to the beasts of the fields and the fowls of the air. A gad, said the painter, that is a truth not to be controversial. For my own part I am none of your titbits, one would think, but yet there is a freshness in the English complexion, a ginsé-quiet, I think you call it, so inviting to a hungry Frenchman that I have caught several in the very act of viewing me with an eye of extreme appetite as I passed. And as for their curves, rather their wolves, whenever I set eyes on one of them, ah, your humble servant, Mr. Son of a bitch, I am upon my guard in an instant. The doctor can testify that their very horses, or more properly their live carrion that drew our shares, used to reach back their long necks and smell at us as a couple of delicious morsels. This sally of Mr. Pallet, which was received with the general laugh of approbation, would in all probability have stifled the dispute in embryo, had not Mr. Jolter, with a self-applauding simper, ironically complimented the strangers on their talking like true Englishmen. The doctor, affronted at the insinuation, told him with some warmth that he was mistaken in his conjecture, his affections and ideas being confined to no particular country, for he considered himself as a citizen of the world. He owned himself more attached to England than to any other kingdom, but this preference was the effect of reflection and not of prejudice. The British constitution approached nearer than any other to that perfection of government, the democracy of Athens, he hoped one day to see revived. He mentioned the death of Charles I, and the expulsion of his son with raptures of applause, invade with great acrimony against the kingly name, and in order to strengthen his opinion repeated forty or fifty lines from one of the phylipics of Demosthenes. Jolter, hearing him speak so disrespectfully of the higher powers, glowed with indignation. He said his doctrines were detestable and destructive of all right order and society, that monarchy was of divine institution, therefore indefeasible by any human power, and of consequence those events in the English history which he had so liberally commended were no other than flagrant instances of sacrilege, perfidy and sedition. That the democracy of Athens was a most absurd constitution productive of anarchy and mischief, which must always happen when the government of a nation depends upon the caprice of the ignorant hare-brained vulgar. But it was in the power of the most profligate member of the Commonwealth, provided he was endowed with eloquence to ruin the most deserving by a desperate exertion of his talents upon the populace, who had often been persuaded to act in the most ungrateful and imprudent manner against the greatest patriots that their country had produced. And finally he averred that the liberal arts and sciences had never flourished so much in a republic as under the encouragement and protection of absolute power witnessed the Augustan age and the reign of Louis XIV, nor was it to be supposed that genius and merit could ever be so amply recompensed by the individuals or distracted councils of a commonwealth as by the generosity and magnificence of one who had the whole treasury at his own command. Peregrine, who was pleased to find the contest grow warm, observed that there seemed to be a good deal of truth in what Mr. Jolter advanced, and the painter, whose opinion began to waver, looked with the face of expectation at his friend, who, modelling his features into an expression of exulting disdain, asked of his antagonist, if he did not think that very power of rewarding merit enabled an absolute prince to indulge in himself in the most arbitrary license over the lives and fortunes of his people. Before the governor had time to answer this question, Pallet broke forth into an exclamation of, by the Lord, that is certainly fact, a gad. That was a home thrust doctor. But when Mr. Jolter, chastising this shallow intruder with a contemptuous look, affirmed that those supreme power furnished a good prince with the means of exerting his virtues, it would not support a tyrant in the exercise of cruelty and oppression, because in all nations the genius of the people must be consulted by their governors, and the birthing proportioned to the shoulders on which it is laid. Else what follows? said the physician. The consequence is plain, replied the governor, insurrection, revolt, and its own destruction. For it is not to be supposed that the subjects of any nation would be so abject and pusillanimous as to neglect the means which heaven hath put in their power for their own preservation. Gadzooks, you're in the right, sir, cried Pallet. That I grant you must be confessed. Doctor, I'm afraid we have got into the wrong box. This son of Pien, however, far from being of his friend's opinion, observed with an air of triumph that he would not only demonstrate the sophistry of the gentleman's last allegation by arguments and facts, but even confute him with his own words. Jolter's eyes kindling at this presumptuous declaration, he told his antagonist, while his lip quivered with resentment, that if his arguments were no better than his breeding, he was sure he would make very few converts to his opinion, and the doctor, with all the insolence of triumph, advised him to beware of disputes for the future, until he should have made himself more master of his subject. Peregrine both wished and hoped to see the disputants proceed to arguments of more weight and conviction, and the painter, dreading the same issue, interposed with the usual exclamation of, for God's sake, gentlemen, when the governor rose from the table in great dudgeon and left the room, muttering some ejaculation of which the word coxcomb only could be distinctly heard. The physician, being thus left master of the field of battle, was complimented on his victory by Peregrine, and so elevated by his success, that he declaimed a full hour on the absurdity of Jolter's proposition and the beauty of the democratic administration. Canvassed the whole scheme of Plato's Republic, with many quotations from that ideal author touching the tocalon, from thence he made a transition to the moral sense of Shaftesbury, and concluded his sarang with the greatest part of that frothy writer's rhapsody, which he repeated with all the violence of enthusiastic agitation, to the unspeakable satisfaction of his entertainer, and the unutterable admiration of Pallet, who looked upon him as something supernatural and divine. So intoxicated was this vain young man with the ironical praises of Pickle, that he forthwith shook off all reserve, and having professed a friendship for our hero, whose taste and learning he did not fail to extol, intimated in plain terms that he was the only person in these latter ages who possessed that genius, that portion of the divinity, or Tithaeon, which immortalized the Grecian poets. That as Pythagoras affirmed the spirit of euphorbis had transmigrated into his body, he, the doctor, was strangely possessed with the opinion that he himself was inspired by the soul of Pindar, because making allowance for the difference of languages in which they wrote, there was a surprising affinity between his own works and those of that celebrated Theban. And as a confirmation of this truth, he immediately produced a sample of each, which though in spirit and versification as different as the odes of Horace and our present poet Laureate, Peregrine did not scruple to pronounce altogether congenial, notwithstanding the violence he by this sentence offered to his own conscience, and a certain alarm to his pride that was weak enough to be disturbed by the physician's ridiculous vanity and presumption, which not contented with displaying his importance in the world of taste and polite literature, manifested itself in arrogating certain material discoveries in the province of physic, which could not fail to advance him to the highest pinnacle of that profession, considering the recommendation of his other talents, together with the liberal fortune which he inherited from his father. End of Chapter 43 Recording by Martin Giesen in Hazelmere Surrey. Chapter 44 of The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle, Volume 1. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Martin Giesen. The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle, Volume 1. By Tobias Smollett. Chapter 44. The Doctor prepares an entertainment in the manner of the ancients, which is attended with divers ridiculous circumstances. In a word, our young gentleman by his insinuating behaviour acquired the full confidence of the Doctor, who invited him to an entertainment, which he intended to prepare in the manner of the ancients. Pickle struck with this idea, eagerly embraced the proposal, which he honoured with many encomiums as a plan in all respects worthy of his genius and apprehension. And the day was appointed at some distance of time, but the treater might have leisure to compose certain pickles and confections, which were not to be found among the culinary preparations of these degenerate days. With a view of rendering the physician's taste more conspicuous, and extracting from it the more divergent, Peregrine proposed that some foreigners should partake of the banquet. And the task being left to his care and discretion, he actually bespoke the company of a French marquis, an Italian count, and a German baron, whom he knew to be egregious coxcomes, and therefore more likely to enhance the joy of the entertainment. Accordingly the hour being arrived, he conducted them to the hotel where the physician lodged, after having regaled their expectations with an elegant meal in the genuine old Roman taste. And they were received by Mr Palet, who did the honours of the house, while his friend superintended the cook below. By this communicative painter, the guests understood that the doctor had met with numerous difficulties in the execution of his design, that no fewer than five cox had been dismissed, because they could not prevail upon their own consciences to obey his directions in things that were contrary to the present practice of their art. And that although he had at last engaged a person by an extraordinary premium to comply with his orders, the fellow was so astonished, mortified and incensed at the commands he had received, that his hair stood on end, and he begged on his knees to be released from the agreement he had made. But finding that his employer insisted upon the performance of his contract and threatened to introduce him to the commissaire if he should flinch from the bargain, he had in the discharge of his office wept, sang, cursed and capered for two whole hours without intermission. While the company listened to this odd information by which they were pre-possessed with strange notions of the dinner, their ears were invaded by a voice that exclaimed in French, for the love of God, dear sir, for the passion of Jesus Christ, spare me the mortification of the honey and oil. Their ears still vibrated with the sound, when the doctor entering was by peregrine made acquainted with the strangers, to whom he in the transports of his wrath could not help complaining of the want of complacency had found in the Parisian vulgar by which his plan had been almost entirely ruined and set aside. The French marquis who thought the honour of his nation was concerned that this declaration professed his sorrow for what had happened, so contrary to the established character of the people, and undertook to see the delinquents severely punished provided he could be informed of their names or places of abode. The mutual compliments that passed on this occasion were scarce finished when a servant coming into the room announced dinner, and the entertainer led the way into another apartment where they found a long table or rather two boards joined together and furnished with a variety of dishes, the steams of which had such evident effect upon the nerves of the company that the marquis made frightful grimaces under pretence of taking snuff, the Italian's eyes watered, the Germans' visage underwent several distortions of features. Our hero found means to exclude the odour from his sense of smelling by breathing only through his mouth, and the poor painter running into another room plugged his nostrils with tobacco. The doctor himself, who was the only person present whose organs were not discomposed, pointing to a couple of couches placed on each side of the table, told his guests that he was sorry he could not procure the exact triclinia of the ancients, which were somewhat different from these conveniences, and desired they would have the goodness to repose themselves without ceremony, each in his respective cuchette, while he and his friend Mr. Pallet would place themselves upright at the ends, that they might have the pleasure of serving those that lay along. This disposition of which the strangers had no previous idea disconcerted and perplexed them in the most ridiculous manner. The marquis and baron stood bowing to each other on pretense of disputing the lower seat, but in reality with a view of profiting by the example of one another, for neither of them understood the manner in which they were to lull. And Peregrine, who enjoyed their confusion, handed the count to the other side, where with the most mischievous politeness he insisted upon his taking possession of the upper place. In this disagreeable and ludicrous suspense they continued acting a pantomime of gesticulations, until the doctor earnestly entreated them to waive all complement and form, lest the dinner should be spoiled before the ceremonial could be adjusted. Thus conjured, Peregrine took the lower couch on the left-hand side, laying himself gently down with his face towards the table. The marquis, in imitation of this pattern, though he would have much rather fasted three days than run the risk of discomposing his dress by such an attitude, stretched himself upon the opposite place, reclining upon his elbow in a most painful and awkward situation, with his head raised above the end of the couch, that the economy of his hair might not suffer by the projection of his body. The Italian, being a thin limber creature, placed himself next to pickle, without sustaining any misfortune but that of his stocking being torn by a ragged nail of the seat as he raised his legs on a level with the rest of his limbs. But the baron, who was neither so wieldy nor supple in his joints as his companions, flounced himself down with such precipitation that his feet, suddenly tilting up, came in furious contact with the head of the marquis and demolished every curl in the twinkling, while his own skull, at the same instant, descended upon the side of the couch, with such violence that his periwig was struck off and the whole room filled with pulvilio. The drollery of distress that attended this disaster entirely vanquished the affected gravity of our young gentleman, who was obliged to suppress his laughter by cramming his handkerchief in his mouth. For the bareheaded German asked pardon with such ridiculous confusion and the marquis admitted his apology with such rueful complacence as was sufficient to awake the mirth of a quietest. This misfortune being repaired as well as the circumstances of the occasion would permit and everyone settled according to the arrangement already described, the doctor graciously undertook to give some account of the dishes as they occurred and the company might be directed in their choice, and with an air of infinite satisfaction thus began. This here gentleman is a boiled goose, served up in a sauce composed of pepper, loveage, coriander, mint, roux, anchovies. I wish for your sakes, gentlemen, this was one of the geese of Ferrara, so much celebrated among the ancients for the magnitude of their livers, one of which is said to have weighed upwards of two pounds. With this food, exquisite as it was, did the tyrant Helio Gavallus regale his hounds. But I beg pardon, I had almost forgot the soup, which I here is so necessary an article at all tables in France. At each end there are dishes of the sal a cacabia of the Romans, one is made of parsley, penny-royal, cheese, pine-tops, honey, brine, eggs, cucumbers, onions, and hen livers. The other is much the same as the soup-merc of this country. Then there is a loin of veal boiled with fennel and caraway seeds, on a potage composed of pickle, oil, honey, and flour, and a curious ashith of the light, liver, and blood of a hare, together with a dish of roasted pigeons. Monsieur le Baron, shall I help you to a plate of this soup? The German, who did not at all disapprove of the ingredients, assented to the proposal, and seemed to relish the composition. Alne Marquis, being asked by the painter which of the silly kickerbies he chose, was in consequence of his desire accommodated with a portion of the soup-merc, and the count in lieu of spoon meat, of which he said he was no great admirer, supplied himself with a pigeon, therein conforming to the choice of our young gentleman, whose example he determined to follow through the whole course of the entertainment. The Frenchman, having swallowed the first spoonful, made a full pause. His throat swelled as if an egg had stuck in his gullet, his eyes rolled, and his mouth underwent a series of involuntary contractions and dilatations. Pallet, who looked steadfastly at this connoisseur with a view of consulting his taste before he himself would venture upon the soup, began to be disturbed at these motions, and observed with some concern that the poor gentleman seemed to be going into a fit, when Peregrine assured him that these were symptoms of ecstasy, and for further confirmation asked the Marquis how he found the soup. It was with infinite difficulty that his complacence could so far master his disgust as to enable him to answer, altogether excellent upon my honour, and the painter being certified of his approbation lifted the spoon to his mouth without scruple, but far from justifying the eulogium of his taster, when this precious composition diffused itself upon his pallet, he seemed to be deprived of all sense and motion, and sat like the leaden statue of some river-guard, with the liquor flowing out at both sides of his mouth. The doctor alarmed at this indecent phenomenon earnestly inquired into the cause of it, and when Pallet recovered his recollection and swore that he would rather swallow porridge made from burning brimstone and such an infernal mess as that which he had tasted, the physician, in his own vindication, assured the company that to accept the usual ingredients he had mixed nothing in the soup but some salamoniac, instead of the ancient nitrum, which could not now be procured, and appealed to the Marquis, whether such a succidanium was not an improvement on the whole. The unfortunate petit met, driven to the extremity of his condescension, acknowledged it to be a masterly refinement, and deeming himself obliged in point of honour to evince his sentiments by his practice, forced a few more mouthfuls of this disagreeable potion down his throat, till his stomach was so much offended that he was compelled to start up of a sudden, and in the hurry of his elevation overturned his plate into the bosom of the barren. The emergency of this occasion would not permit him to stay and make apologies for his abrupt behaviour, so that he flew into another apartment, where Pickle found him puking and crossing himself with great devotion, and a chair at his desire being brought to the door, he slipped into it more dead than alive, conjuring his friend Pickle to make his peace with the company, and in particular excuse him to the barren on account of the violent fit of illness with which he had been seized. It was not without reason that he employed a mediator, for when our hero returned to the dining-room, the German got up, and was under the hands of his own lackey, who wiped the grease from a rich embroidered waistcoat, while he, almost frantic with his misfortune, stamped upon the ground, and in high Dutch cursed the unlucky banquet and the impertinent entertainer, who all this time, with great deliberation, consoled him for the disaster, by assuring him that the damage done might be repaired with some oil of turpentine and a hot iron. Peregrine, who could scarce refrain from laughing in his face, appeased his indignation by telling him how much the whole company, and especially the marquis, was mortified at the accident, and the unhappy salacacabia being removed, the places were filled with two pies, one of dormice, liquored with the syrup of white poppies, which the doctor had substituted in the room of toasted poppy seed, formerly eaten with honey, as a dessert, and the other composed of a hawk of pork baked in honey. Pallet, hearing the first of these dishes described, lifted up his hands and eyes, and with signs of loathing and amazement, pronounced, a pie made of dormice and syrup of poppies, lord in heaven, what beastly fellows those Romans were. His friend checked him for his irreverent exclamation with a severe look, and recommended the veal, of which he himself cheerfully et, with such incomiums to the company, that the baron resolved to imitate his example, after having called for a bumper of burgundy, which the physician, for his sake, wish to have been the true wine of phalaenum. The painter, seeing nothing else upon the table which he would venture to touch, made a merit of necessity, and had recourse to the veal also, although he could not help saying that he would not give one slice of the roast beef of old England for all the dainties of a Roman emperor's table. But all the doctor's invitations and assurances could not prevail upon his guests to honour the ashis and the goose, and that course was succeeded by another, in which he told them were divers of those dishes, which among the ancients had obtained the appellation of polyteleth, or magnificent. That which smokes in the middle, said he, is a sow's stomach, filled with the composition of minced pork, hog's brains, eggs, pepper, cloves, garlic, aniseed, roux, ginger, oil, wine, and pickle. On the right-hand side are the teats and belly of a sow, just farrowed, fried with sweet wine, oil, flour, lovage, and pepper. On the left is a fricacy of snails, fed, or rather purged, with milk. At that end, next, Mr. Pallet, are fritters of pompions, lovage, origanum, and oil. And here are a couple of pullets, roasted and stuffed in the manner of a pickious. The painter who had by rye faces testified his abhorrence of the sow's stomach, which he compared to a bagpipe, and the snails which had undergone purgation. He no sooner heard him mention the roasted pullets than he eagerly solicited a wing of the fowl, upon which the doctor desired he would take the trouble of cutting them up, and accordingly sent them round, while Pallet tucked the tablecloth under his chin, and brandished his knife and fork with singular address. But scarce were they set down before him when the tears ran down his cheeks, and he called aloud in a manifest disorder, zooms, this is the essence of a whole bed of garlic. That he might not, however, disappoint or disgrace the entertainer, he applied his instruments to one of the birds, and when he opened up the cavity, was assorted by such an eruption of intolerable smells that without staying to disengage himself from the cloth, he sprang away with an exclamation of Lord Jesus, and involved the whole table in havoc, ruin, and confusion. Before Pickle could accomplish his escape, he was sourced with the syrup of the Dormouse Pie, which went to pieces in the general wreck, and as for the Italian Count, he was overwhelmed by the sow's stomach, which bursting in the fall discharged its contents upon his leg and thigh, and scalded him so miserably that he shrieked with anguish, and grinned with the most ghastly and horrible aspect. The Baron, who sat secure without the vortex of this tumult, was not at all displeased at seeing his companions involved in such a calamity, as that which he had already shared, but the doctor was confounded with shame and vexation. After having prescribed an application of oil to the Count's leg, he expressed his sorrow for the misadventure, which he openly ascribed to want of taste and prudence in the painter, who did not think proper to return and make an apology in person, and protested that there was nothing in the fouls which could give offence to a sensible nose, the stuffing being a mixture of pepper, loveage, and asafetida, and the sauce consisting of wine and herring Pickle, which he had used instead of the celebrated garum of the Romans, that famous Pickle having been prepared sometimes of the scombri, which were a sort of tani fish, and sometimes of the celurus or shad fish. Nay, he observed that there was a third kind, called garum haimation, made of the guts, gills, and blood of the thinus. The physician finding it would be impracticable to re-establish the order of the banquet by presenting again the dishes which had been discomposed, ordered everything to be removed, a clean cloth to be laid, and the dessert to be brought in. Meanwhile, he regretted his incapacity to give them a specimen of the aliens, or fish meals of the ancients, such as the yus di abaton, the conga eel, which in Galen's opinion is hard of digestion. The cornuta, or garnet, described by Pliny in his natural history, who says the horns of many of them were a foot and a half in length, the mullet and lamprey that were in the highest estimation of old, of which last Julius Caesar borrowed six thousand for one triumphal supper. He observed that the manner of dressing them was described by Horace in the account he gives of the entertainment to which Mycenaeus was invited by the Epicure Nasidienus, afer torsquilla sin termuraina natantes, etc., and told them that they were commonly eaten with the foosiriacum, a certain anodyne and astringent seed which qualified the purgative nature of the fish. This learned physician gave them to understand that though this was reckoned a luxurious fish in the zenith of the Roman taste, it was by no means comparable, in point of expense, to some preparations in vogue about the time of that absurd for luxury Heliogabalus, who ordered the brains of six hundred ostriches to be compounded in one ill mess. By this time the dessert appeared, and the company were not a little rejoiced to see plain olives in salt and water. But what the master of the feast valued himself upon was a sort of jelly, which he affirmed to be preferable to the hypo trimma of Hercicius, being a mixture of vinegar, pickle, and honey, boiled to proper consistence, and candied asafetida, which he asserted in contradiction to Amalbergius and Lysta, was no other than the laser siriacum, so precious as to be sold among the ancients to the weight of a silver penny. The gentleman took his word for the excellency of this gum, but contented themselves with the olives, which gave such an agreeable relish to the wine that they seemed very well disposed to console themselves for the disgraces they had endured. And pickle, unwilling to lose the least circumstance of entertainment that could be enjoyed in their company, went in quest of the painter, who remained in his penitentials in another apartment, and could not be persuaded to re-enter the banqueting room until Peregrine undertook to procure his pardon from those whom he had injured. Having assured him of this indulgence, our young gentleman led him in like a criminal, bowing on all hands with all air of humility and contrition, and particularly addressing himself to the count, to whom he swore in English, as God was his saviour, he had no intent to affront man, woman or child, but was feigned to make the best of his way that he might not give the honourable company cause of offence by obeying the dictates of nature in their presence. When pickle interpreted this apology to the Italian, palette was forgiven in very polite terms, and even received into favour by his friend the doctor, in consequence of our hero's intercession. So that all the guests forgot their chagrin, and paid their respects so piously to the bottle, that in a short time the champagne produced very evident effects in the behaviour of all present. End of Chapter 44 Recording by Martin Geeson in Hazelmere Surrey